Let’s say someone comes up to you, maybe it’s a co-worker, or family member and they say, “You’re always late! Why can’t you ever be on time?”

What’s your immediate reaction? Is it, “I’m so sorry, I won’t be late again.” Or is it, “Shut your pie hole, my kid was throwing a tantrum, I caught traffic, you don’t know my life!” Yes -- probably the latter.

Instead of motivating you to not be late, the statement puts you on the defense and probably angers you, a 100% reasonable reaction.

So if that’s how we react when posed with those kinds of statements, why do we think others will react differently when we hurl these types of statements at them?

Have you ever argued with your boss not understanding why in the hec she DOESN’T GET IT? Or have you ever locked horns with your husband or wife and thought, They are WRONG, I AM RIGHT. Maybe if I speak a litter louder, or beat them over the head with a stick, maybe then they’ll understand?! Or have you ever found yourself arguing with your folks, “You NEVER do this for me and ALWAYS do this for this them!”

These arguments can feel frustrating at best and like you are banging your head against a wall at worst. And the terrible part is that usually, no one budges and tempers flare.

This week I want to share with you communication gold. How to get what you want…eventually. Taking these steps will help you communicate your point (and get what you want), without offending the person you are communicating with. These tactics can be used at work, with family and in relationships.

1. Remove the words, YOU, ALWAYS and NEVER, from the conversation.
2. “A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request so … just make the request.” –Diane Sawyer. It's a way of saying, "Do you think we could work on this thing that makes me feel this way? Do you think we could work it out?" 9 times out of 10, each of us will be met with a resounding, "Of course we can." 
3. Ask a question and listen to the answer.

So instead of saying, “You’re always late!” One could say, “I really appreciate it when we can start our project on time. Thank you so much for always respecting our time together.” Another example would be asking, “Hey, it seems like it’s been difficult to get to work on time, is there something I can help with?”

There is no telling what asking a question and listening will do to deepen a relationship. Folks who feel cared for are 4,474,567, 871 times (very scientific) more likely to come through and quite frankly over perform. :) Win, win all around! 

Let me know how these work in your life!

love and grace, catia

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Champions, click here to watch Episode 32!