Courage to Become | Anti-racist
“I had no idea I WAS racist!! I always thought that because I had black friends and was involved with black guys that I had immunity. It wasn't until my current boyfriend began pointing little things out to me throughout our relationship that I did, said, and that other people did and said that I realized just how racist we can all be without knowing it.”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and the author of this piece is one of them.
This is a special and poignant piece. This piece was written in March of 2020 and submitted as anonymous for many reasons.
As the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery have ignited the entire nation, this piece ( already vitally important) is more important than ever.
Tell us a little bit about yourself:
I am 25 years old, have built a "successful" life for myself on my own, and am a cat mom. I own a social media management business (shoutout to my first paying client). I never know what to say when someone says, "tell me about yourself."
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
I always wanted to build a family of my own and live a financially comfortable lifestyle. I only had one "real" boyfriend in high school and recently ended a relationship of 4.5 years. I was always afraid of having a successful relationship but had NO idea I had this fear until I started therapy last year. The issues I faced with boys when I was younger and with my current boyfriend all seemed to stem from issues with myself, but I learned that they actually stem from my upbringing.
How did it feel getting started?
When I first began dating my current boyfriend, things were great. Until racism showed its ugly face through my family and things began to get sticky. I still remember (and probably always will) almost every detail about the day my dad disowned me and let his wife talk about me and my man the way she did. Honestly, my subconscious blocked out a lot of the wording she used but my spirit has never forgiven her. This was the beginning.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you started dating someone who had a different skin color and heritage than you?
So like I said, things were great with my man until my family showed their true colors. This story isn't just about my relationship, though. It's really about my journey with racism.
I had no idea I WAS racist!! I always thought that because I had black friends and was involved with black guys that I had immunity. It wasn't until my current boyfriend began pointing little things out to me throughout our relationship that I did, said, and that other people did and said that I realized just how racist we can all be without knowing it.
Honestly, I kept up my ignorance until this year. So embarrassing. I read a book titled White Fragility and now preach its knowledge and recommend the book to everyone. I even sent it to a friend in the mail for her to read during quarantine.
Racism is systematic, meaning white people are racist by default. This doesn't make anyone a "bad" person, however, which is where some of the defensiveness comes from when white people are confronted about their actions. Anyway, without recanting the entire book, I learned a lot in the last 5 months, from the book, other research, peers, etc.
What motivates you become more sensitive and aware of your words and actions regarding racism?
The person I loved and was in a relationship with for 4.5 years, the black people I love, the white people I love, the Latinx people I love, etc. Even the people I don't know. I have such a new respect for all people and all races. The shit they put up with that white people DON'T EVEN NOTICE. I notice so much now!! I have such a new motivation to stand up for various morals and values now. I used to "avoid conflict" and now I'm not afraid to cause conflict in standing with love and respect.
Which living person do you most admire?
I most admire my ex-boyfriend. His patience isn't what allows him to brush off hate, it’s his confidence and respect for himself. He knows he’s better for the world than what other people may think of him for his skin color. He knows those people don't have issues with him personally, they have issue with themselves and the past they've learned through school and their upbringing. Not everyone has the willingness to learn more than they've been taught. He takes the time to learn more in attempt to better himself. He knows God's got him.
Which talent would you most like to have?
This is totally unrelated but I would LOVE to be able to dance. LOL. I've always had some good rhythm and I've been able to do some trendy dances throughout the years but as I've gotten older, the less I want to do the trendy dances (because let's be honest I don't want to shake my ass for anyone outside the bedroom) my talent with this has declined.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Physically, people comment on my skin and eyes the most. Personality wise, I hear more comments about how sweet and mature I am. I've always gotten this. I've always appreciated it because its gained me respect with people who matter in life rather than have been thought of as super cool and gotten "respect" from peers.
What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?
Sheesh. So many quotes come to mind. One that is super relevant to this, though, would be "Stand for nothing, or fall for anything." I don't remember who said this but it's SO TRUE. I used to not really understand it when I hear it in songs or when I'd hear it but now I do.
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
My business! Also maintaining a relationship with my ex-boyfriend for so long. Of course, had some major speed bumps, but he was (is) a great man and we learned so much fron each other. Also finally maturing and educating myself on racism. It's been a long time coming. Although, I don't want to be TOO proud of myself because I feel like it should be required as a human.
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee deep in mud?
My future. I'd love to help support my mom like she's always done for me. Of course I'd love to provide a comfortable life for my kids – and one day I hope to have a mentally and emotionally stable relationship.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Educate. Read. Don't leave it up to your black friend to educate you on their painful experience. Find resources. Ask questions when necessary but don't totally rely on someone else to give you all the information. Also, don't ask the wrong people. This means don't ask white people who have little to no knowledge on the subject and don't ask people of color who clearly don't want to help you. They have the right to not want to answer your "simple questions."
What is one piece of advice you would give your 20 year old self?
LEARN NOW. STOP BEING IGNORANT.
Isn’t that something. What a story, tender and straight from a young person’s heart. May we all be moved to action to unlearn the racism we have absorbed and to learn how to honor brothers and sisters from different races than our own. - catia
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational and TEDx speaker , Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Weekly Wisdom Guide
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Mariah Oller
When I first started my tarot business my hands were shaking. I was so afraid of publicly posting my photo in my profile picture. I was afraid of what the religious part of my family would think AND of what the scientists in my family would say. - Mariah Oller
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Mariah is one of them.
Enjoy her story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she excels at her craft while at the same time remaining the present mama to two sweet girls, and how she contributes so well to her community. Please welcome, Mariah.
Mariah Oller from Harvest and Moon
Mariah, tell us a little bit about yourself.
I am a Cell Biologist turned tarot reader, a survivor of domestic abuse, and homeschooling mother of 2.
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
Most of my life is about dreaming and then jumping feet first. My biggest goal has always been to be happy. From there I have many branches.
I wanted to be in a healthy relationship. That may seem simple but for me, someone who grew up seeing and experiencing physical trauma, that has been a tough thing to reprogram. I go to therapy primarily to deal with how much love and pleasure I have in my life now.
I’ve always wanted to be a healer. I started that journey by diving into the hard sciences and later becoming a tarot reader. Surprisingly, I help a lot more people now, and it allows me to comfortable raise my kids.
How did it feel getting started as a tarot reader?
Getting started is always scary. My Dad loves to say “fear is a mind-killer.” I consciously coach myself to take fear as a signal to pay attention, instead of freezing.
When I first started my tarot business my hands were shaking. I was so afraid of publicly posting my photo in my profile picture. I was afraid of what the religious part of my family would think AND of what the scientists in my family would say. For me, tarot is the perfect blend of those worlds but I worried that it would be misunderstood by those I loved. My husband helped calm my nerves and encouraged me to own my brand and my spiritual practices. My family is very supportive of what I have created.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started reading tarot:
The biggest obstacle that I’ve faced are misconceptions about tarot. A lot of people are scared they are going to learn something they don’t want to know or they worry it will be something that goes against their religion.
My tarot readings have always been about empowering people to move towards a life that they love. We focus on discovering what action is needed right now to create harmony in careers, relationships, living situations, etc.
What motivates you to read tarot?
My children are my biggest motivation. I know that they will follow my example so I make sure I’m living a life I would also want for them.
Which living person do you most admire?
My grandmother. She has so much grit and wisdom. She’s the woman people come to when they need advice about their marriage or career.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Besides knowing future events and what actions are needed to overcome the obstacles?! I’m fully satisfied with the talents I have...but I would add ‘enjoys putting laundry away’ as a talent if I had a magic wand.
What is your most marked characteristic?
I am an achiever. I love to push myself and test what I’m capable of.
Is there a message that motivates you or encourages you along?
My mantra is “I’ll get the perfect thing at the perfect time.”
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
I loved getting my degree at 17. That really set the stage for me to be able to do anything I set my mind to.
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in the mud?
I pull a tarot card reflect on what action I need to take right now and what goal I’m working towards in the next few months.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Stay diligent about who and what you allow around you. Consume media that feeds your mind and goals. Connect with people that speak life into you. Distance yourself from things that aren’t good for you.
What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?
Wait until you’re old enough to legally drink before having a baby. Just because you created the life of an adult woman doesn’t mean you have the fully developed brain of an adult woman.
Mariah Oller is the founder of Harvest and Moon and the New Moon Tribe. She connects modern women to ancient traditions so that they may live a more grounded, exciting, and empowered life.
Mariah has always had a passion for healing. She received her first degree in Biotechnology when she was 17-years-old through the Texas Bioscience Institute and went on to become the lead Biologist designing Oxygen Concentrators for a Medical Device Company at the ripe age of 19.
Mariah seamlessly blends the worlds of Science and Magic together to create healing and balance for women in her community. Source: Harvest and Moon
Mariah is truly gifted and I know you will love connecting with her!
Harvest and Moon Web site — Harvest and Moon on Instagram — Harvest and Moon on Facebook
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational and TEDx speaker , Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!