How to be a Better Parent | Week 51 | Confidence Revolution
Week 51!
Can you believe it? You have done such an amazing job walking this road. I am proud of you!
If you’ve never heard of Dr. Shefali Tsabary, allow me to introduce you.
If you are a parent, a child, if you want to know how to have more joy, how to be in flow more, how to relax into life more --- Dr. Shefali is for you!
I have been a longtime fan of Dr. Shefali (and so has Oprah! I have good taste. Lol – Dr. Shefali is Oprah’s foremost expert on parenting.)
At a conference in San Antonio - I had the chance to meet Dr. Shefali at a conference, and I worked up the nerve to ask her to read my book – and this is what she had to say.
I was REALLY EXCITED AND HONORED!
In my book (coming soon!) I reference Dr. Shefali's first book The Conscious Parent. A few things that Dr. Shefali highlights in this book is that as parents most of us:
1. Assume since we are older we KNOW BETTER (wrong) and
2. Don’t really see our children, rather we try to mold them
3. Project our unresolved issues onto our children and
4. That most of our unresolved issues were handed down to us by folks who also had unresolved issues. (oops)
Now these points are VERY basic. I just finished a 4 month long course with Dr. Shefali where she DELVES into these subjects – so know these are just bullet points and there are MANY MORE LAYERS.
Some basic examples of unconsciously trying to mold children are:
The mom who always loved pageants as a child and insists that her daughter also be involved in pageants. Does the daughter really like pageants or would she rather play soccer?
Or
The father who had dreams of making the NFL but never quite did – so he pushes his son into competitive football, even though the son doesn’t show any interest.
Or – a seemingly more noble cause
The parents who push and schedule their 3 year to learn a new language because they want her to be ready for the Ivy League once application time rolls around.
None of these examples are “bad” on their face. The children will most certainly learn good skills from pageantry, football and academics – but is it what they want or are the parents just working out unresolved issues of insecurity, lack, boredom, etc.?
The first time I was introduced to the notion of unconscious molding it was hard to hear.
I most certainly want my daughter to have a good, joy filled life – but maybe her version of good and joy filled life is being a yoga teacher and rescuing dogs – maybe it’s not attending Yale and being an international speaker (my dream.)
The Conscious Parent encouraged me to not only facilitate my daughter’s life (she’s only 2.5), but to SEE her, and to tune into Alexandra’s voice -- literally and figuratively. Seeing Alexandra as a person rather than just a mini-me allowed me to release expectations and simply enjoy her. <3 <3
love and grace, catia
Joseph Schooling + the GOAT | Week 40 | Confidence Revolution
This was Joseph Schooling in 2008. He was 13 years old and at that point had lived in Singapore his entire life.
As a young boy, Joseph began training as a serious swimmer and in 2008 when the US Swim team trained in Singapore, Joseph got to meet one of his heroes, Michael Phelps.
In 2009 Joseph Schooling moved to Jacksonville, Florida and began more serious swim training, setting his sights on one day competing and beating Michael Phelps. RIDICULOUS, SINCE HE WAS ONLY 14 AND MICHAEL PHELPS HAD ALREADY SECURED 22 GOLD MEDALS.
We all know Phelps just retired as the GOAT (greatest-of-all-time -- you see, I keep up with trends!) decorated with 28 medals, but what happened to Schooling?
Well, Schooling is now 21, attends The University of Texas at Austin ( Hook ‘Em!) and most recently earned the FIRST EVER GOLD MEDAL for his home country of Singapore. You see, he swam the 100m butterfly and oh yeah, BEAT MICHAEL PHELPS.
The headlines read:
“Joseph Schooling, the boy who beat Michael Phelps eight years after meeting his Olympic hero.”
“21-year-old Schooling was just 13 when he met his idol. Now, he's beaten the most successful Olympian of all time and become Singapore's first ever gold medalist.”
“Joseph Schooling rocked the swimming world when he defeated the most successful Olympic athlete of all time in Michael Phelps, eight years after he met the 22-time gold medalist as a young boy.”
“21-year-old Schooling triumph in the thrilling 100m butterfly final that saw Singapore claim its first ever Olympic gold medal.”
“Phelps was beaten by a 21-year-old who grew up idolizing the most decorated athlete in Olympic history.”
When asked about his triumph, Schooling responded, "That's pretty crazy, what happens in eight years.”
Yes, yes it is.
Guys, I dream BIG.
I’ve watched 5,674 hours of Oprah. I have watched so much I know that when she interviews authors, she picks a few sentences she loves from their books, flags them and reads the prose back to them. Oprah will read the sentence and say something like, “ I love that!,” or “Tell me more about that,” or “That’s good.”
And when I was writing my book, The Courage to Become, (out in December!), once in while I would write a really good sentence and I would see Oprah sitting across from me. And I would hear her reading the sentence back to me. Just as I have seen her do with other authors. Just me and my gal, Oprah, discussing The Courage to Become.
That sounds insane right? I know.
But so does a 13 year old trying to beat the most decorated Olympic athlete of ALL TIME.
So many of us fear dreaming BIG, seeking BIG, reaching BIG – because we’re afraid of what happens if we don’t reach the top of the mountain.
But, I would encourage you to flip that and ask yourself, what happens if I dream small, seek small and reach small?
If Schooling didn’t beat Phelps would we have looked down on him? NO. If I don’t ever sit across from Oprah will I be a failure? NO -- because I will have tried and stumbled and tried again and enriched myself and others in the process.
Don’t be afraid to dream BIG and to dream OUT LOUD. The only thing standing between you and the top of your mountain is a clear goal and devotion. If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.
love and grace, catia
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