Trying is Contagious | Week 52 | Confidence Revolution
You have grown by leaps and bounds this year and I am so thrilled for you!
The stories you've shared with me via email are heart-warming, inspiring, and all the fuel I need to keep going.
There are so many things I'd like to share with you before I go on hiatus (guys, I have 3 weeks left until our due date but contractions started last night!)
But for now I'll say keep trying. Trying is underrated. The ONE thing that all the greats ( no matter how one defines 'the greats' ) is that they all TRIED.
The more you try, the more you will believe in yourself and then - and then this domino effect happens with those around you - and they also begin trying. It's a beautiful thing to watch unfold.
You can positively impact your life and your corner of the world - just by trying.
Enjoy today, you deserve it! Happy New Year!
love and grace, catia
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This is Embarassing | Week 50 | Confidence Revolution
My entire life I wanted to be discovered.
From a very young age I had visions of an agent plucking me out of obscurity and taking me to the big time.
Guys, I AM SO DEAD SERIOUS.
I’d go on family vacations with my folks and brothers and as early as age 9 – I’d sit by the pool with a book or walk on the beach, or laugh in just the right way ( I know – embarrassing!) so that JUST IN CASE there was a talent agent nearby – I WOULD BE READY.
I heard stories of girls getting discovered and being on rocket ships to stardom. And so I just knew that I would be able manifest the same. “Any moment now, any moment now, any….”
Radio silence…for years.
Why had those girls gotten discovered and not me?
I desperately wanted a crane to drop in, scoop me up and place me into this new “I had made it life.”
For decades I wanted this…until sometime in the last 6 months – I had a flash of wisdom – flashes come to me once in a while. ;)
My journey was not about someone discovering me, my journey was about me DISCOVERING MYSELF.
Along the way I have pushed myself and done things my skill set deemed unlikely if not impossible. Some of my favorites were: being drum major in high school (I was an okay musician– but not great), getting a master’s degree (I was naturally a B student), running a marathon (I am a terrible but determined runner), building a web site (I taught myself from scratch), and writing a book (I sat my butt down and wrote every day for 1 year).
My journey is about me discovering what I am made of. And it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been BEYOND rewarding.
If the talent agent, the crane, had come and picked me up out of obscurity – I may not have developed a sense of duty, determination and tenacity. I may not have ever pushed myself. I may not have figured out what I was capable of. I may have gotten to “the big show” and crumbled because I hadn’t built up my inner self!
If you’re out there wanting to be discovered or validated – I’m here to say – You’re the one. You’re the one who is going to have to SHOW UP. And once you’ve shown yourself that YOU CAN – no can take that away from you. No one can take away your struggles and triumphs and that unshakable sense of confidence. You can stand taller because YOU ARE.
I finally gave up wanting to be discovered – but I stayed on the yellow brick road to my discovery – and I am all the better for it. I know who I am, I know what I can do and I know what I can give – and I know that I can always figure it out.
And that’s what I want for you – I want you to know that you strong and that you can make it and that you can always figure it out.
love and grace, catia
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I Am Not Your Guru | Week 46 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever dated someone you knew was NOT THE ONE? Me too.
Remember that feeling of KNOWING YOU HAD TO DO SOMETHING, CHANGE SOMETHING, but not having the courage to rip the band aid off? Me too.
And have you noticed that that same awkward feeling comes back when you know you’re in situations you shouldn’t be in?
For some of us, the knowing manifests as a queasy feeling, for others anxiety, for others teeth grinding, for others overeating and for others, busyness. Our truth always comes out – somehow. Our minds and bodies and spirits KNOW – we have to make a change, or else.
The other day I watched, I am Not Your Guru, a film that gives the viewer an inside look on Tony Robbins and his life changing seminars.
During the seminar they focused on a lady who was having trouble in her romantic relationship and over a series of questions, Tony determined that the man she was dating was NOT THE ONE, and suggested she break up with him.
He challenged her to call and break up with him – right then and there – in front of everybody. And she did.
It was incredibly awkward to watch.
Later when asked why he urged her to do it in that very moment he said, “Most people think change happens over time, but change happens in a moment.”
He went on to explain that in order for someone to “take the leap” or “make the shift” their mind, bodies and spirits ALL have to have reach this magic THRESHOLD. And once they are all “there” it is of utmost importance that the person take advantage of the moment – because if too much time passes – the energies start to diffuse and fall further and further from threshold level.
That’s why most people think change takes time, because their energy levels flirt with “the threshold” and then diffuse, and flirt and diffuse, and they are on that continual cycle until finally (if ever) the person decides to change.
The magic is knowing when all systems have reached the threshold, and taking ACTION right at that moment.
Yet, each of us have different thresholds for how much pain we need to be in to finally make ‘the change.’ Whether the change is finishing something, starting something or changing something.
So the next time you feel like you need to -- make a change, start a blog, end a relationship, start a relationship, declare your love, change your circle of friends, eat better, stop drinking – whatever it is that is nagging you, that is looming over your head – the next time you feel fired up – know that that sense of being fired up will fade and take advantage of that moment when your mind, body and spirit are saying NOW.
Don’t suppress your feelings, make those changes, don’t waste any time.
I know you can do it, but will you?
love and grace, catia
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Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
Speak + Light the Way | Week 42 | Confidence Revolution
Zainab Salbi is an author, women's rights activist, humanitarian, social entrepreneur, and in 2002 became the founder of Women for Women International (a non-profit organization that provides support to women survivors of war.) And in 2015 she took her platform an expanded it by launching Nida’a Show, a talk show dedicated to inspire women in the Arab world. Sounds awesome, right?
Well, her story wasn’t always as bright and shiny.
In 1969 Salbi was born to Saudi Arabian to parents and when she was 11 years old her dad, Tariq, was chosen to be Saddam Hussein’s pilot. This relationship, as you can imagine, put her family in an emotionally abusive situation. But one doesn’t just leave Saddam Hussein.
After her teenage years and as Zainab became a young women, her mother began to fear for her daughter’s life (Saddam took what and who he wanted) and so her mother shipped her off to the US as part of an arranged marriage. And after three months of suffering physical and emotional abuse from her husband, with only $400 to her name, she left to start a life of her own.
But when she arrived in the US (1988) – Zainab was ashamed to tell anyone who she was. Albeit negative, she had a direct link to Saddam Hussein. For perspective, in 1988 Saddam Hussein had just begun the genocide of their countrymen who were Kurdish. He was imprisoning, torturing and murdering people – and Zainab’s dad was his pilot - which engulfed her in shame.
At some point she realized, for her own sanity, she had to tell her story and heal, and the results surprised her.
She noted how when she did, she was met with love, empathy and compassion. And that undoubtedly, each woman she told had a shame story of their own. Something that was hindering them from moving forward.
Salbi also noticed that once she and each of these women had the courage to break their silence and step out of their own shame -- that each person became like a candle – lighting the way for others – a hope giving of sorts.
--
Guys, I have been writing and speaking my truth for 6 years - I have shared some doozies with you and have shared even more with those closest to me. And in 6 years of honoring my truth – I have NEVER been met with, “That’s so weird, I’ve never heard of that!” I’ve ALWAYS been met with, “Oh, really? I didn’t know you were going through that – I ALSO went through something similar,” or “My friend went through that too,” and sometimes it’s just a plain and simple, “me too.”
And after I break my silence, I feel lighter, more connected and stronger for walking through it.
--
Maybe you have credit card debt and can’t afford the purse you carry, maybe you owe the bank money, maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you experienced abuse growing up, maybe you lead a life you’re not proud of and you’re afraid that when people find out who YOU REALLY ARE – that they won’t love you.
I’m here to tell you, that if they’re worth having around, they will.
I’m here to tell you that breaking your silence and sharing your story creates connection and gives hope to those who share in your pain. (Not to mention giving you hope!)
What you do with your story is a choice – and what a wonderful choice to OWN IT – to create your own ending.
love and grace, catia
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Independence is Overrated | Week 41 | Confidence Revolution
In August 2014, my Mom told me she wanted to come stay with us/help us after Alexandra was born. I puffed out my chest, told her I didn't want to "farm out" the caring of my daughter. (The audacity!) Then, after a grueling labor and a plummeting of hormones and energy -- I was DESPERATE for help. No help sounded agonizing.
For many of us, asking for help is equivalent to admitting defeat. We would rather keep struggling in silence, sinking deeper in quicksand with every passing day, than admit we can’t do something entirely on our own.
The traditional African proverb—it takes a village to raise a child—is as equally true today as it was thousands of years ago, but somehow we have lost touch with its essence. With the advent of social media and with the threat that folks can peek into our lives on a whim, we have turned into a society of thinly veiled facades: “All good over here! Don’t need a thing! Look at our portrait perfect family!” But really, we are no different from the generations that have preceded us; we are equally entangled with joy and heartache.
Many people share with me that they find purpose, joy, and meaning in helping others, but they battle accepting help themselves. Refusal of help is nothing more than pride taking a long stroll. If we enthusiastically offer help to others and show up for them, and yet we don’t accept the occasional helping hand, are we strong, or are we narcissists?
When life is bearing down on us and our instincts are to tidy up the house or go drink ourselves into oblivion—when our instinct is to numb—let’s do the thing we think we cannot do. Let’s call someone we trust and talk to them about it, cry about it, name the issue, and start to look at it. Admitting that we have hit our limit and seeking help from outside ourselves is a profound action that will rocket-launch us deeper into levels of connection with those around us.
In The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, author and internationally recognized life coach and speaker, Renee Peterson Trudeau, spurs women to create their own personal support system. She brings to light how having a support system can have a huge impact on how we experience day-to-day life. Folks with robust support systems are more effective at work and at home, keep resolutions, weather personal and professional challenges more easily, are less likely to feel isolated, and (here’s the kicker) have children who become comfortable asking for and receiving help and support from others.
In the moments when we would rather be cemented in our independence than ask for help, let’s consider personifying our pride and letting it know that Bob Marley was right—every little thing is gonna to be alright. Let’s consider not sucking it up and pushing through, but allowing love in. Just as we want to impart our love, empathy, and compassion on others, they also want the opportunity to impart those gifts on us.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humanity. When we are open to help, we are both courageous enough to recognize our own breaking point and wise enough to welcome others to help carry us through.
“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.” –Kiera Cass
I used to find pride in being INDEPENDENT at whatever cost. Now I push my pride out of the way and I find joy and ease and strength in asking for help and like my Pastor says, having WITHNESSES for the journey.
love and grace, catia
Joseph Schooling + the GOAT | Week 40 | Confidence Revolution
This was Joseph Schooling in 2008. He was 13 years old and at that point had lived in Singapore his entire life.
As a young boy, Joseph began training as a serious swimmer and in 2008 when the US Swim team trained in Singapore, Joseph got to meet one of his heroes, Michael Phelps.
In 2009 Joseph Schooling moved to Jacksonville, Florida and began more serious swim training, setting his sights on one day competing and beating Michael Phelps. RIDICULOUS, SINCE HE WAS ONLY 14 AND MICHAEL PHELPS HAD ALREADY SECURED 22 GOLD MEDALS.
We all know Phelps just retired as the GOAT (greatest-of-all-time -- you see, I keep up with trends!) decorated with 28 medals, but what happened to Schooling?
Well, Schooling is now 21, attends The University of Texas at Austin ( Hook ‘Em!) and most recently earned the FIRST EVER GOLD MEDAL for his home country of Singapore. You see, he swam the 100m butterfly and oh yeah, BEAT MICHAEL PHELPS.
The headlines read:
“Joseph Schooling, the boy who beat Michael Phelps eight years after meeting his Olympic hero.”
“21-year-old Schooling was just 13 when he met his idol. Now, he's beaten the most successful Olympian of all time and become Singapore's first ever gold medalist.”
“Joseph Schooling rocked the swimming world when he defeated the most successful Olympic athlete of all time in Michael Phelps, eight years after he met the 22-time gold medalist as a young boy.”
“21-year-old Schooling triumph in the thrilling 100m butterfly final that saw Singapore claim its first ever Olympic gold medal.”
“Phelps was beaten by a 21-year-old who grew up idolizing the most decorated athlete in Olympic history.”
When asked about his triumph, Schooling responded, "That's pretty crazy, what happens in eight years.”
Yes, yes it is.
Guys, I dream BIG.
I’ve watched 5,674 hours of Oprah. I have watched so much I know that when she interviews authors, she picks a few sentences she loves from their books, flags them and reads the prose back to them. Oprah will read the sentence and say something like, “ I love that!,” or “Tell me more about that,” or “That’s good.”
And when I was writing my book, The Courage to Become, (out in December!), once in while I would write a really good sentence and I would see Oprah sitting across from me. And I would hear her reading the sentence back to me. Just as I have seen her do with other authors. Just me and my gal, Oprah, discussing The Courage to Become.
That sounds insane right? I know.
But so does a 13 year old trying to beat the most decorated Olympic athlete of ALL TIME.
So many of us fear dreaming BIG, seeking BIG, reaching BIG – because we’re afraid of what happens if we don’t reach the top of the mountain.
But, I would encourage you to flip that and ask yourself, what happens if I dream small, seek small and reach small?
If Schooling didn’t beat Phelps would we have looked down on him? NO. If I don’t ever sit across from Oprah will I be a failure? NO -- because I will have tried and stumbled and tried again and enriched myself and others in the process.
Don’t be afraid to dream BIG and to dream OUT LOUD. The only thing standing between you and the top of your mountain is a clear goal and devotion. If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.
love and grace, catia
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Unspoken Truth + Weight | Week 37 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever known what you needed to do, but didn’t want to take the steps to make it happen because you were just going along to get along? Or maybe you didn’t want to speak your truth because you didn’t want to rock the boat? Or maybe you didn’t want to say what you were thinking OUTLOUD, because God forbid, you would appear high maintenance?
Me too.
We started our IVF journey in mid-January. I took hormones that sent my body into menopause and at the same time took hormones that made my body mature eggs at Usain Bolt speed. I administered 4 shots a day every day. I was bloated, in pain and praying for a healthy baby. I had blood draws every 2-3 days and had doctor’s appointments at the same rate, and on top of it all we were spending a boat load of money to make it all happen.
In early March we had our first embryo implant and by the end of March we learned that the baby did not take and that we were not pregnant. It was a very sad day and few weeks for our family. Were we going to have another baby?
Just about that time, God started whispering to me and I knew I was supposed to change doctors. Only changing doctors WAS NOT something that our IVF clinic responded well to. Once a doctor was assigned to you, they wanted to see it through. But I KNEW I NEEDED TO SWITCH. I knew on the next go around, we would have a healthy baby, IF I could switch who the implant doctor would be.
Afraid of appearing HIGH MAINTENANCE, I said nothing and my anxiety started to bubble up. I couldn’t quite work up the courage to ask for the switch, until one day there was a wrinkle in my original doctor’s calendar and I quickly spoke up and asked to be under the care of NEW DOCTOR.
The nurse sighed and told me that their office didn’t like it -- I pushed anyway. She said my switching doctors was going to rock the boat -- I pushed anyway.
Eventually they obliged and NEW DOCTOR implanted the next embryo and now we are 22 weeks pregnant!
I was going through ALL that, trying to bring a life into the world and I was afraid of appearing/being high maintenance!!! Who is this person that started the, Confidence Revolution anyway?!
And as soon as I asked for what I wanted, as soon as I was true to my intuition, I felt better, lighter, RELIEVED.
There is a space where being kind and gentle to others, meets being kind and true to OURSELVES. That’s where we should aim to live. We should not forsake our truth for fear of change or disruption, instead we should aim to be so in touch with our truth and our emotions that we can quickly identify them and allow ourselves to be guided by them.
Maybe your unacknowledged truth is something small, but maybe it’s something big. Maybe you are gay and have never said it out loud, maybe you really want to be an artist and feel like you’re suffocating at your desk job. Maybe you would rather your mother-in-law not treat your children one way, but you’re afraid to speak up. Maybe you’re battling abuse or addiction and you’re afraid to say anything because saying it out loud will require change. Maybe you’re in a relationship that you know is not for you but you’re afraid of hurting the person, so you go along to get along.
All of those fears are understandable, but you can either confront the fear (the weird feeling, the awkward change) or it will sit inside you and create such a heaviness in you that your light will begin to fade and eventually go out.
When we know and speak our truth we are able to walk around unburdened, light and joyful.
And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, light and joy.
love and grace, catia
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The Courage to Become | Week 36 | Confidence Revolution
Encouraging people and giving them the tools to be who they most want to be, has been my passion since before I had the language for it.
Yesterday I received an email from a high school classmate,
“…I had my child when I was a freshman in high school. I didn’t know much English but despite my struggles, you made a difference in my life back then, always being so nice to me and just showing me that there’s always somebody that just with a helping hand and a smile can change somebody’s world. That person was you!! Just want to say, thank you.”
I cried when I read it and I’m crying now. (Maybe it’s the hormones.)
So many people have given so much to me, have guided me, and have loved me into who I am today and who I continue to become. It is my HONOR to pay it forward, to give you the love and the tools kind folks have given me.
When I have been afraid and in a tough spot, or confused, it has always helped me to look out and find someone who had been THROUGH and who had come out the other side. It always helped me to see someone living out what I wanted to live out. It helped me get my footing, and work up courage until I could stand on my own two feet.
I’m thinking that seeing and hearing from folks who have garnered, the courage to become people they were proud of, will help you too.
Starting next week I am honored to host a guest blog series titled, The Courage to Become: Sister Stories of Hope. Each week we will highlight one amazing women who walked through the fear and uncertainty and became someone she was proud of.
These women have become: artists, dancers, writers, moms, teachers, entrepreneurs, wives, bloggers, photographers, reporters, and business women.
I am sure that their vulnerability, determination and grit will inspire us all!
If you’d like to get their inspirational stories straight to you inbox – join here.
love and grace, catia
What to do when you fall | Week 34 | Confidence Revolution
A few months ago I applied to be a TEDx speaker. This particular TEDx event was going to be held in my hometown. I didn’t think I was a shoe in, but I absolutely thought I had a good shot at it. I applied as a writer and motivational speaker. I have been writing for 6 years now, and even have a book, The Courage to Become, coming out in December, I thought, I have to have a good chance! Guys, I even know one of the organizers! How sweet it was going to be, me on a TEDx stage!
Well…one week went by, crickets. Two weeks went by, nothing. Three months went by, goose egg.
No call back, no stock rejection letter, nothing. Nothing at all!!!
I had failed. Right?
Maybe.
I’m currently listening to the book, Rising Strong, by Dr. Brene Brown. The premise of the book is, when we are in the arena of life and we are trying, the question is not if we will fall, but when. And when we do fall, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, what is the story we tell ourselves.
Dr. Brown found that the determining factor for how quick people recovered was the type of stories they told themselves when they realized they had “failed.”
For example, let’s say, someone is applying for a promotion within their department. Let’s say they apply and a month goes by without a call back. Some people may tell themselves stories like, “they never liked me anyway,” or “I’d better start looking for another job now,” or “I’ll show them just how much they need me!” While others tell themselves stories like, “Maybe my application got lost,” or “maybe the person reviewing the applications is backlogged with work,” or “maybe they are waiting to promote me next month so they can also give me a raise!”
Brown continues to teach that the more optimistic person tells themselves positive things but also garners up the courage to confront the situation. They may bring it to their superiors’ attention or they may address it head on, “Hi, I was just wondering if you knew I applied and if there’s anything I can do help the process along,” or “Hi, I’m feeling unsure right now about my job performance since I haven’t received a call back.” All of those take GUTS to say!!!! But we can do hard things.
The key determining factor between the time we fall and the time we rise is the kind of story we tell ourselves when we are face down. The stories we create can be harmful or helpful. And the amazing part is that WE GET TO CHOOSE! We are in total control.
So -- did I tell myself that I suck and I’m never going to be on big public speaking stage? No way! Did I tell myself that I should have tried harder or that I’m not good enough? No way! When I realized I hadn’t been chosen, I told myself that maybe I needed a little more experience, that maybe they had too many women on the ticket and they needed more men. I told myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to address my hometown. And then, I let it go. I let it go and I went back to work.
I didn’t fail. I fell.
When you realize you have fallen:
· Tell yourself a positive message, and repeat it yourself.
· Ask for clarity. Maybe, just maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Tell the person how you are feeling.
· Tell yourself you can handle it, get up, rise strong, and get back to living your purpose.
love and grace, catia
Watch Shame Wither | Week 29 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown breaks down vulnerability and shame.
Guilt is: “I feel bad.”
Shame is: “I am bad.”
She notes that guilt is helpful. Guilt keeps us inside the lines. Guilt keeps us from making poor choices.
But shame, shame is an entirely different animal.
Shame in essence -- is feeling unworthy of love and belonging. Shame gremlins as Dr. Brown refers to them, come out to taunt us when we are feeling down and out, when we are embarrassed, when we think we are alone. The shame gremlins (could also be referred to as the negative tapes in our heads) tell us that no one has ever messed up this bad, they tell us that if our friends found out who we really were they wouldn’t like us anymore. Shame gremlins tell us that we’d better keep our points of embarrassment to ourselves, OR ELSE. Shame tells us to suppress “it” and never speak of it.
Dr. Brown tells us that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgement. And that the antidote to shame is sharing and connection.
Shame is just a bully.
Shame cannot stand the light of day.
Shame withers in connection.
We can feel shame for things done to us and we can also feel shame for things we have done. We can feel shame for growing up in poverty, for growing up in a broken home, for being abused, for being broken up with. And we can also feel shame for not graduating high school, for being unable to manage our weight, or for cheating on someone.
Shame comes to us one and all, whether it seems justified or not. And what may be one person’s shame, another may not give the time of day. But shame is shame, no need to compare and contrast.
"Does shame live in us forever?" If we let it, it can. And if we don't address it, shame has a physical effect on our bodies. We are integrated beings, our minds and bodies and hearts are connected. And when one system goes down, our emotions for example, it sends our other systems into a downward spiral also. Our bodies have to DO SOMETHING with shame and so they create inflammation. Shame creates inflammation in our bodies, the root of most diseases.
Shame makes us feel like the pits and has a detrimental effect on our bodies, so should we get rid of it? YES. KICK IT THE CURB.
Here’s how:
Find someone you trust – someone who has earned the right to hear your story – and then sit down with them or call them and say, “I need your help. I’ve been struggling with __________, and it’s weighing me down.” Tell them how you feel, open up to them. Admit to your struggle.
Sometimes we are scared to share, because friends and family will know we aren’t perfect. But, you are generous with your love, why wouldn’t others be generous with their love toward you?
The more we share, the more we remove our social media best, the more we live in our truth, the greater connection we will feel to those around us – and the more shame will melt away.
After 6 years of writing and receiving emails from readers, the one thing I know for sure is, we are not alone -- we are all in this together.
love and grace, catia
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Drag Show + Church | Week 26 | Confidence Revolution
A few days ago I was walking down the streets of NYC with my husband and sister-in-law. There was a breeze and the air was balmy. We decided to head to a jazz club but on our way we stumbled upon a church with open doors. Open doors.
My husband asked if I'd like to go in, and I knew I did. Even standing outside of the church felt good and uplifting. The church was white stucco, and it had a small set of stairs and a garden leading into the four walls. At first glance it looked like any other church. The prayer candles were lit, wooden pews lined the center of the room, stained glass windows looked onto the parishioners.
When we walked in, it took me few seconds to realize I was in a church whose priest had chosen to walk with outliers, just like Jesus. The Bible tells how Jesus left the 99 to go searching for the 1. Jesus left those who knew and believed in him to go searching for the one. The one who was hurt, broken and beaten. The one who had seen despair, the one who was sick, the one who needed unconditional love like a man who lives in a desert needs life giving water.
The church, during gay pride weekend, hosted a drag show. A string of performers in drag -- sang and danced and cheered each other on. And between numbers, the priest, 5'5 and 140 lbs. soaking wet, stood in front of the congregation and told us how loved we are by God and how we are all royalty. It was beautiful and moving and I cried like a baby. It was a holy moment.
But before I cried, my brain was short circuiting. I grew up Mexican Catholic (traditional), and for the past 4 years I have attended a Baptist church (also traditional.) So for 32 years and 360 days I have only experienced church as traditional. This was anything but traditional, it was TOTALLY outside any paradigm I had about church.
In the moment, I knew what was happening.
It wasn't that I didn't like it, or enjoy it, it was that my brain was having to re-calibrate. "What was this?" "How was I going to be able to reconcile ALL of my 32 years and 360 days plus this new experience?"
I cut myself some slack and knew that song by song, performer by performer, I would settle into this new more expanded version, and I did, and it was lovely.
Guys, sometimes we get freaked out by things because they are different from what we are used to. We don't freak out because they are wrong, or bad -- simply because they are different. In those moments, cut yourself some slack and allow your brain and heart to re-calibrate and EXPAND. The more we know about others, the more beautiful they (and we) become.
love and grace, catia
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Courage and Vulnerability | Week 21 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly Dr. Brene Brown notes that the word vulnerable comes from the Latin “vulnerare,” meaning to wound. Being vulnerable literally means that you are opening yourself up to be wounded. But why would we want to do that?
BECAUSE…that sense of openness is the crux of all things magnificent and deeply moving. Walking with vulnerability is the only way to get from where we are to where we most want to be.
Brown notes how we love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. Fearing that our truth isn’t enough.
Yet how many times have you read a blog post or book nodding the entire time, heart welling up with a feeling of acceptance, and belonging, realizing that you are not alone. Or how relieved have you been when a friend shares her own shortcomings or seeming failures that mirror your own?
Dr. Brown goes on to say in Daring Greatly that our ultimate struggle is wanting to experience someone’s vulnerability yet not wanting to be vulnerable ourselves.
If you are afraid to open yourself up to being vulnerable, you are denying yourself the fullness of the shared human existence and ultimately the feeling of belonging. Being vulnerable and sharing your entire self, --shortcomings and failures and all -- is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.
How many times in your life have you not really given something your best because you needed an excuse just in case you failed? Well, I really didn’t try my hardest. So I really didn’t fail. We are so intensely afraid to lose, only that the winning and losing paradigm is an illusion. The question should not be, “Did you win or lose?” The question should be, “What did you try?” Winning and losing creates a sort of stagnation, while an attitude of trying creates a life of growth and movement and heightened aliveness.
Say sayonara to the idea of winning and welcome a trying mentality. Instead of fearing vulnerability, practice daring greatly. If you want to feel deep love, exuberant joy, electricity running through your veins, life saving grace and a true connection with those around you, let yourself be fully seen.
love and grace, catia
Questions to ponder:
-What makes you feel vulnerable?
-How do you feel about the idea that trying is more important than winning or losing