Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
Independence is Overrated | Week 41 | Confidence Revolution
In August 2014, my Mom told me she wanted to come stay with us/help us after Alexandra was born. I puffed out my chest, told her I didn't want to "farm out" the caring of my daughter. (The audacity!) Then, after a grueling labor and a plummeting of hormones and energy -- I was DESPERATE for help. No help sounded agonizing.
For many of us, asking for help is equivalent to admitting defeat. We would rather keep struggling in silence, sinking deeper in quicksand with every passing day, than admit we can’t do something entirely on our own.
The traditional African proverb—it takes a village to raise a child—is as equally true today as it was thousands of years ago, but somehow we have lost touch with its essence. With the advent of social media and with the threat that folks can peek into our lives on a whim, we have turned into a society of thinly veiled facades: “All good over here! Don’t need a thing! Look at our portrait perfect family!” But really, we are no different from the generations that have preceded us; we are equally entangled with joy and heartache.
Many people share with me that they find purpose, joy, and meaning in helping others, but they battle accepting help themselves. Refusal of help is nothing more than pride taking a long stroll. If we enthusiastically offer help to others and show up for them, and yet we don’t accept the occasional helping hand, are we strong, or are we narcissists?
When life is bearing down on us and our instincts are to tidy up the house or go drink ourselves into oblivion—when our instinct is to numb—let’s do the thing we think we cannot do. Let’s call someone we trust and talk to them about it, cry about it, name the issue, and start to look at it. Admitting that we have hit our limit and seeking help from outside ourselves is a profound action that will rocket-launch us deeper into levels of connection with those around us.
In The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, author and internationally recognized life coach and speaker, Renee Peterson Trudeau, spurs women to create their own personal support system. She brings to light how having a support system can have a huge impact on how we experience day-to-day life. Folks with robust support systems are more effective at work and at home, keep resolutions, weather personal and professional challenges more easily, are less likely to feel isolated, and (here’s the kicker) have children who become comfortable asking for and receiving help and support from others.
In the moments when we would rather be cemented in our independence than ask for help, let’s consider personifying our pride and letting it know that Bob Marley was right—every little thing is gonna to be alright. Let’s consider not sucking it up and pushing through, but allowing love in. Just as we want to impart our love, empathy, and compassion on others, they also want the opportunity to impart those gifts on us.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humanity. When we are open to help, we are both courageous enough to recognize our own breaking point and wise enough to welcome others to help carry us through.
“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.” –Kiera Cass
I used to find pride in being INDEPENDENT at whatever cost. Now I push my pride out of the way and I find joy and ease and strength in asking for help and like my Pastor says, having WITHNESSES for the journey.
love and grace, catia
Strokes + Insights | Week 39 | Confidence Revolution
In 1996, Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor suffered a stroke. Because of the stroke she lost her language, her memories and ability to think about the future. She became an infant in a woman’s body. BUT -- she gained an entirely new perspective on life.
Dr. Taylor described how she lost use of half her brain, but since the other half allowed her to be connected to the present moment -- she began to feel ENERGY.
Since connecting via energy was the only way she could connect with anyone, the volume on the energy that people brought to her hospital room was turned up. She recognized when someone was brushing her off, or when they were sincerely trying to care for her – whether they made eye contact and were loving or whether they were just checking boxes (nurses, doctors, visitors, etc.)
Eventually she realized that the type of energy people brought to her room was affecting her recovery and her joy and so she made a sign that said: Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling down or tired or bad about yourself? Those are the worst! Conversely, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling uplifted, loved, and maybe even at peace? What you are feeling is a transfer of energy.
Some people think energy/auras/juju are mumbojumbo, but I think energy is VERY REAL.
Energy is one of the ways I evaluate people and situations. I have walked into a movie theatre and walked out because the energy felt too frantic for me. And I have warmed up to people because their energy seemed warm and welcoming.
I created the Confidence Revolution so that you could stand taller and be proud of who you are, and part of that is honoring yourself by surrounding yourself with GOOD ENERGY.
You are working so hard and making so many wonderful strides, make the most of it and surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, who are going to support you and cheer you on and who you will do the same for.
That’s how it all works! When we are positive and kind and surround ourselves with the same type of people, that’s when cycles and addictions are broken, that’s when bad habits fall by the wayside and that’s when we accomplish things we never thought possible.
But WE MUST give and surround ourselves with good energy. Don’t be afraid to create firm boundaries and then do a little negative energy cleaning in your life. (Read more about boundaries here.)
You DESERVE goodness, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be uplifted. Be kind and loving and demand other people do the same for you.
love and grace, catia
Click here to watch this week's Confidence Revolution video.
Watch Shame Wither | Week 29 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown breaks down vulnerability and shame.
Guilt is: “I feel bad.”
Shame is: “I am bad.”
She notes that guilt is helpful. Guilt keeps us inside the lines. Guilt keeps us from making poor choices.
But shame, shame is an entirely different animal.
Shame in essence -- is feeling unworthy of love and belonging. Shame gremlins as Dr. Brown refers to them, come out to taunt us when we are feeling down and out, when we are embarrassed, when we think we are alone. The shame gremlins (could also be referred to as the negative tapes in our heads) tell us that no one has ever messed up this bad, they tell us that if our friends found out who we really were they wouldn’t like us anymore. Shame gremlins tell us that we’d better keep our points of embarrassment to ourselves, OR ELSE. Shame tells us to suppress “it” and never speak of it.
Dr. Brown tells us that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgement. And that the antidote to shame is sharing and connection.
Shame is just a bully.
Shame cannot stand the light of day.
Shame withers in connection.
We can feel shame for things done to us and we can also feel shame for things we have done. We can feel shame for growing up in poverty, for growing up in a broken home, for being abused, for being broken up with. And we can also feel shame for not graduating high school, for being unable to manage our weight, or for cheating on someone.
Shame comes to us one and all, whether it seems justified or not. And what may be one person’s shame, another may not give the time of day. But shame is shame, no need to compare and contrast.
"Does shame live in us forever?" If we let it, it can. And if we don't address it, shame has a physical effect on our bodies. We are integrated beings, our minds and bodies and hearts are connected. And when one system goes down, our emotions for example, it sends our other systems into a downward spiral also. Our bodies have to DO SOMETHING with shame and so they create inflammation. Shame creates inflammation in our bodies, the root of most diseases.
Shame makes us feel like the pits and has a detrimental effect on our bodies, so should we get rid of it? YES. KICK IT THE CURB.
Here’s how:
Find someone you trust – someone who has earned the right to hear your story – and then sit down with them or call them and say, “I need your help. I’ve been struggling with __________, and it’s weighing me down.” Tell them how you feel, open up to them. Admit to your struggle.
Sometimes we are scared to share, because friends and family will know we aren’t perfect. But, you are generous with your love, why wouldn’t others be generous with their love toward you?
The more we share, the more we remove our social media best, the more we live in our truth, the greater connection we will feel to those around us – and the more shame will melt away.
After 6 years of writing and receiving emails from readers, the one thing I know for sure is, we are not alone -- we are all in this together.
love and grace, catia
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Facebook Stalking | Week 24 | Confidence Revoltuion
This week's CR video is about why we Facebook stalk people and what we can do (tell ourselves) when we find ourselves down the FB rabbit hole at midnight while eating Oreos. And also how I hope FB never creates an algorithm to prove FB stalking - because then a lot of us are going straight to the clink. :)
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
#confidencerevolution here: Join Now.
How my journey with insecurity led to the Confidence Revolution
Thank you to RGV Moms Blog for having me as a featured speaker! It was more exciting and fulfilling that I could have ever thought. It was a group of women (and some men :) ) gathered together and we let each other know, womanhood is can be tough and it's okay. We are all stumbling along, but we get to do it together.
I spoke with this fine group about insecurity and jealousy and gifts and confidence. It was awesome. Enjoy!
Armor and Security Blankets | Week 16 | Confidence Revolution
Do you remember being young and toting around your favorite teddy bear, or Hot Wheels car, or blankie? Do you remember just how important it was to your existence. MUST HAVE LOVIE! For our daughter, it's her cup of awwwwaa, agua or water to the rest of us. When she's unsure of her situation, she clutches onto her awwwwaaa for dear life.
As we grow older, lovies and teddy bears fall by the wayside, but we learn to cling onto other things. As adults, when we feel unsure of ourselves we grab for - food, alcohol, fancier clothes, bigger diamonds, higher heels, bigger homes, more successful businesses. We all have some kind of armor that we suit up with before we go into an unsure situation. What will we wear? What will we say? How will we prove we are worth being there? And though most of our security blankets are imperceptible to the naked eye, they are there, whispering to us that we need them.
About a year ago I began to identify the armor I layer on before I head into unfamiliar situations. I realized that when I was with people I loved and who I knew loved me, I dressed one way and when I was meeting people for the first time, I dressed another way. It was plainly obvious . When I felt safe, I didn't need a security blanket, BUT when I felt unsafe, I LOADED UP on security blankets.
And with that awareness, God bless awareness, I began needing my forms of awwwwaaaaless and less.
I'm not advocating that you stop eating or drink or buying higher heels or working harder at your career, I'm only advocating that you don't NEED to in order to be safe. You're already safe.
You need NOT be adorned to be loved. You are loved JUST as you are. Let yourself be seen, you are PLENTY.
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
#confidencerevolution here: Join Now.
Controlling your Negative Inner Chatterbox | Week 15 | Confidence Revolution
I was with my Austin Mom's Blog sister/writers last night. We were taking head shots with the amazing Laura Morsman and we were all wound up. "Do I look good?" "How about this angle?" "That's not my good side." The pressure was mounting! We were putting so much importance on the way the photos turned out. Like we were going to be judged ONLY on how we looked, like ALL the other things we do in life -- love, care, work, mother, volunteer -- didn't matter. We HAD to look spectacular or else everything was for not.
But then after the pictures were over, we enjoyed food and champagne and everyone let their guard down. And that's when things got really good. When we relaxed! Why couldn't we be relaxed the entire time?
The other day I read a post and it said that Gloria Steinem gave Melissa McCarthy a bracelet that said, "Linked, not ranked." And I thought, "that is the answer!!" Someone needs to get all women together and teach them in Woman 101 that there are not gold medals given out for being the prettiest, or smartest, or most sacrificing, or most frugal, OR... the least imposing or least disruptive or least opinionated.
We are unable to be ranked. Linked, not ranked.
Today's video is about how my negative chatter box felt outranked - on LIVE TV! And I detail how you can address your negative chatter box.
We are human, we have souls AND egos. Our soul is our higher self, an inner knowing, our essence. And our ego is part of the psyche that experiences the outside world and reacts to it. It thinks, feels, and it wants to distinguish itself from others. Part of the ego's job is to want more. That's it's job! So it's not about eliminating the ego, but about balancing it's power our lives.
With all my heart, you are worthy.
Culture tells you that you need more, different, bigger. Culture is lying, culture has ulterior motives.
You are beautiful and gifted.
No one is you, and that is your power.
Succeed in Relationships | Week 9 | Confidence Revolution
Succeed in Relationships
"Don't they know my way is better?" "Didn't they learn the RIGHT way to take care of a baby?" "Doesn't he know birthdays are supposed to be filled with presents?" "Doesn't she know that you're supposed to have one job forever?"
When we come into relationship with someone, we bring our own thoughts and ideals. And each of our thoughts have been shaped by decades of action, inaction, and experience. So often we go into battle on our high horses over the "right" way of doing something - and drama ensues.
Most of the tension is caused by what we "think" things should look like. Is anyone with me? There's no mandate that says we HAVE to do things the way our best friends do them, or our parents did them, or the way magazines tell us we should be doing them. One of the secrets to freedom is, we get to DECIDE what works for us.
We all want thriving romantic relationships, friendships and work relationships - or else we wouldn't enter into them. So let's set them up for success, let's invest in them.
Let's actively contribute to the well-being of our relationships by figuring out how we'd like things to look and feel and then by (wait for it....) asking for what we want! Our husbands and wives and friends love us, they just see the world differently. So let's make it easy for them to fulfill our emotional needs.
And let's ABSOLUTELY reciprocate. OR we can be extra awesome and ask them what they need and want -- first! We can begin the communication. Compassion, consideration, kindness and thoughtfulness go A LONG way.
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
