Speak + Light the Way | Week 42 | Confidence Revolution
Zainab Salbi is an author, women's rights activist, humanitarian, social entrepreneur, and in 2002 became the founder of Women for Women International (a non-profit organization that provides support to women survivors of war.) And in 2015 she took her platform an expanded it by launching Nida’a Show, a talk show dedicated to inspire women in the Arab world. Sounds awesome, right?
Well, her story wasn’t always as bright and shiny.
In 1969 Salbi was born to Saudi Arabian to parents and when she was 11 years old her dad, Tariq, was chosen to be Saddam Hussein’s pilot. This relationship, as you can imagine, put her family in an emotionally abusive situation. But one doesn’t just leave Saddam Hussein.
After her teenage years and as Zainab became a young women, her mother began to fear for her daughter’s life (Saddam took what and who he wanted) and so her mother shipped her off to the US as part of an arranged marriage. And after three months of suffering physical and emotional abuse from her husband, with only $400 to her name, she left to start a life of her own.
But when she arrived in the US (1988) – Zainab was ashamed to tell anyone who she was. Albeit negative, she had a direct link to Saddam Hussein. For perspective, in 1988 Saddam Hussein had just begun the genocide of their countrymen who were Kurdish. He was imprisoning, torturing and murdering people – and Zainab’s dad was his pilot - which engulfed her in shame.
At some point she realized, for her own sanity, she had to tell her story and heal, and the results surprised her.
She noted how when she did, she was met with love, empathy and compassion. And that undoubtedly, each woman she told had a shame story of their own. Something that was hindering them from moving forward.
Salbi also noticed that once she and each of these women had the courage to break their silence and step out of their own shame -- that each person became like a candle – lighting the way for others – a hope giving of sorts.
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Guys, I have been writing and speaking my truth for 6 years - I have shared some doozies with you and have shared even more with those closest to me. And in 6 years of honoring my truth – I have NEVER been met with, “That’s so weird, I’ve never heard of that!” I’ve ALWAYS been met with, “Oh, really? I didn’t know you were going through that – I ALSO went through something similar,” or “My friend went through that too,” and sometimes it’s just a plain and simple, “me too.”
And after I break my silence, I feel lighter, more connected and stronger for walking through it.
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Maybe you have credit card debt and can’t afford the purse you carry, maybe you owe the bank money, maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you experienced abuse growing up, maybe you lead a life you’re not proud of and you’re afraid that when people find out who YOU REALLY ARE – that they won’t love you.
I’m here to tell you, that if they’re worth having around, they will.
I’m here to tell you that breaking your silence and sharing your story creates connection and gives hope to those who share in your pain. (Not to mention giving you hope!)
What you do with your story is a choice – and what a wonderful choice to OWN IT – to create your own ending.
love and grace, catia
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Strokes + Insights | Week 39 | Confidence Revolution
In 1996, Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor suffered a stroke. Because of the stroke she lost her language, her memories and ability to think about the future. She became an infant in a woman’s body. BUT -- she gained an entirely new perspective on life.
Dr. Taylor described how she lost use of half her brain, but since the other half allowed her to be connected to the present moment -- she began to feel ENERGY.
Since connecting via energy was the only way she could connect with anyone, the volume on the energy that people brought to her hospital room was turned up. She recognized when someone was brushing her off, or when they were sincerely trying to care for her – whether they made eye contact and were loving or whether they were just checking boxes (nurses, doctors, visitors, etc.)
Eventually she realized that the type of energy people brought to her room was affecting her recovery and her joy and so she made a sign that said: Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling down or tired or bad about yourself? Those are the worst! Conversely, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling uplifted, loved, and maybe even at peace? What you are feeling is a transfer of energy.
Some people think energy/auras/juju are mumbojumbo, but I think energy is VERY REAL.
Energy is one of the ways I evaluate people and situations. I have walked into a movie theatre and walked out because the energy felt too frantic for me. And I have warmed up to people because their energy seemed warm and welcoming.
I created the Confidence Revolution so that you could stand taller and be proud of who you are, and part of that is honoring yourself by surrounding yourself with GOOD ENERGY.
You are working so hard and making so many wonderful strides, make the most of it and surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, who are going to support you and cheer you on and who you will do the same for.
That’s how it all works! When we are positive and kind and surround ourselves with the same type of people, that’s when cycles and addictions are broken, that’s when bad habits fall by the wayside and that’s when we accomplish things we never thought possible.
But WE MUST give and surround ourselves with good energy. Don’t be afraid to create firm boundaries and then do a little negative energy cleaning in your life. (Read more about boundaries here.)
You DESERVE goodness, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be uplifted. Be kind and loving and demand other people do the same for you.
love and grace, catia
Click here to watch this week's Confidence Revolution video.
What's Love Got to do With it? | Week 38 | Confidence Revolution
Meet Elizabeth. She and I have been friends since the 3rd grade and the entirety of our friendship has been built on love and laughter. It’s one of those rare friendships that has survived over multiple life seasons. We have made it through moving cities, attending different universities, different professions, marriage, children and now we live in different states – and still (thankfully) we remain.
The only time we somewhat parted ways was during our college years. In my mind’s eye, she was always on the straight and narrow. She always seemed “good,” – minding her parents, playing college sports – living in the light. I tended to push the envelope and although I didn’t think of myself as a “bad” girl – I definitely stayed out late, dated guys I wasn’t supposed to, wore skimpy clothes and gave my parents headaches.
The more time Elizabeth and I spent away from each other, the more I made her out to be “good” and me out to be “bad.” And so, I pulled away from her. I knew the standards I had for my life, were lower than the ones she had for hers, I was making decisions I wasn’t proud of and quite frankly – I didn’t want to face it. I knew that if I stood in her light, I’d have to acknowledge my decision making and maybe even have to change – and since I wasn’t ready to do that – I stayed away.
One fall day in 2007, I remember a light going off in my head and realizing WHY I had pushed her away. And so I sat down and wrote her a note on this new thing people called, Facebook. I admitted to being embarrassed and even ashamed at times of my behavior and decision making – and she met me with 100% love. (She may not even remember, but it was a big day for me.)
She didn’t tell me how I had gone astray, she offered me no advice -- she told me she was glad I had written and that she loved me. And that was that. We were back on.
And after years of sitting with her kindness, I unpacked what happened.
When I sent her a message in 2007, perhaps I was ready to start making some changes, start the process of healing (which by the way – takes TIME…so be easy on yourself….you’ll get there), and her unwavering love made me feel like I deserved to heal, like I deserved to want better for myself.
And so – even though I wasn’t sure what was happening – I started in on the hard but fulfilling work of healing from the inside out.
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It’s easy (and frustrating) to try to force people to change, because we think we know what's best. It turns out that when we push someone, when we force them into making decisions they're not ready for -- they either end up resentful or our relationship ends up strained -- if one remains at all.
We can try to force people into changing (dieting, quitting smoking, drugs, cheating, etc.) and we may get what we want fairly quickly, but it's very likely to unravel and backfire.
Have you ever been shamed into better decision making? Me neither. I have only been LOVED into better decision making.
I only made changes in my life when I knew and felt in my bones that I deserved better.
The magic sauce is loving people so much that they believe they deserve better. It's a slow process but it builds and unshakable foundation - and don't we want that for those we so dearly love?
love and grace, catia