What to do with Haters | Week 48 | Confidence Revolution
It’s the holiday season and you’re likely around a lot of folks – friends, family and co-workers. And some of those folks are going to throw some shade, or try to undermine you or flat out criticize you. Some will lovingly point out things you could be doing better and some will nit-pick just to annoy you.
Here are some things to remind yourself when you feel criticism being hurled at you.
Know that there are two types of criticism – destructive and constructive.
DESTRUCTIVE:
- It’s likely they don’t really KNOW you - so don't take their words personally.
- It’s 99.9% likely that their opinions have NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their own unresolved issues, dilemmas and short comings.
- Folks who criticize (and we all do it from time to time) are seeing the world through their own view point. They’re not really putting themselves in your shoes.
- Also – THE BIG KAHUNA - You can’t change their opinion – because it’s not about you – it’s about them.
CONSTRUCTIVE:
- It’s coming from someone who shows they love you. (Not just says they love you.)
- If their comment hits a nerve, sit with it – maybe there’s some truth to the statement.
- Try not to shut it out completely – try to see if from their point of view.
- Would you benefit from a little change?
- Know you can handle it. All growth comes with some level of discomfort.
- Sometimes our loved ones know we deserve better and just want us to believe it.
You are strong and you can ABSOLUTELY handle what is coming your way.
love and grace, catia
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Strokes + Insights | Week 39 | Confidence Revolution
In 1996, Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor suffered a stroke. Because of the stroke she lost her language, her memories and ability to think about the future. She became an infant in a woman’s body. BUT -- she gained an entirely new perspective on life.
Dr. Taylor described how she lost use of half her brain, but since the other half allowed her to be connected to the present moment -- she began to feel ENERGY.
Since connecting via energy was the only way she could connect with anyone, the volume on the energy that people brought to her hospital room was turned up. She recognized when someone was brushing her off, or when they were sincerely trying to care for her – whether they made eye contact and were loving or whether they were just checking boxes (nurses, doctors, visitors, etc.)
Eventually she realized that the type of energy people brought to her room was affecting her recovery and her joy and so she made a sign that said: Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.
--
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling down or tired or bad about yourself? Those are the worst! Conversely, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling uplifted, loved, and maybe even at peace? What you are feeling is a transfer of energy.
Some people think energy/auras/juju are mumbojumbo, but I think energy is VERY REAL.
Energy is one of the ways I evaluate people and situations. I have walked into a movie theatre and walked out because the energy felt too frantic for me. And I have warmed up to people because their energy seemed warm and welcoming.
I created the Confidence Revolution so that you could stand taller and be proud of who you are, and part of that is honoring yourself by surrounding yourself with GOOD ENERGY.
You are working so hard and making so many wonderful strides, make the most of it and surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, who are going to support you and cheer you on and who you will do the same for.
That’s how it all works! When we are positive and kind and surround ourselves with the same type of people, that’s when cycles and addictions are broken, that’s when bad habits fall by the wayside and that’s when we accomplish things we never thought possible.
But WE MUST give and surround ourselves with good energy. Don’t be afraid to create firm boundaries and then do a little negative energy cleaning in your life. (Read more about boundaries here.)
You DESERVE goodness, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be uplifted. Be kind and loving and demand other people do the same for you.
love and grace, catia
Click here to watch this week's Confidence Revolution video.
How to Get What You Want | Week 32 | Confidence Revolution
Let’s say someone comes up to you, maybe it’s a co-worker, or family member and they say, “You’re always late! Why can’t you ever be on time?”
What’s your immediate reaction? Is it, “I’m so sorry, I won’t be late again.” Or is it, “Shut your pie hole, my kid was throwing a tantrum, I caught traffic, you don’t know my life!” Yes -- probably the latter.
Instead of motivating you to not be late, the statement puts you on the defense and probably angers you, a 100% reasonable reaction.
So if that’s how we react when posed with those kinds of statements, why do we think others will react differently when we hurl these types of statements at them?
Have you ever argued with your boss not understanding why in the hec she DOESN’T GET IT? Or have you ever locked horns with your husband or wife and thought, They are WRONG, I AM RIGHT. Maybe if I speak a litter louder, or beat them over the head with a stick, maybe then they’ll understand?! Or have you ever found yourself arguing with your folks, “You NEVER do this for me and ALWAYS do this for this them!”
These arguments can feel frustrating at best and like you are banging your head against a wall at worst. And the terrible part is that usually, no one budges and tempers flare.
This week I want to share with you communication gold. How to get what you want…eventually. Taking these steps will help you communicate your point (and get what you want), without offending the person you are communicating with. These tactics can be used at work, with family and in relationships.
1. Remove the words, YOU, ALWAYS and NEVER, from the conversation.
2. “A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request so … just make the request.” –Diane Sawyer. It's a way of saying, "Do you think we could work on this thing that makes me feel this way? Do you think we could work it out?" 9 times out of 10, each of us will be met with a resounding, "Of course we can."
3. Ask a question and listen to the answer.
So instead of saying, “You’re always late!” One could say, “I really appreciate it when we can start our project on time. Thank you so much for always respecting our time together.” Another example would be asking, “Hey, it seems like it’s been difficult to get to work on time, is there something I can help with?”
There is no telling what asking a question and listening will do to deepen a relationship. Folks who feel cared for are 4,474,567, 871 times (very scientific) more likely to come through and quite frankly over perform. :) Win, win all around!
Let me know how these work in your life!
love and grace, catia
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Succeed in Relationships | Week 9 | Confidence Revolution
Succeed in Relationships
"Don't they know my way is better?" "Didn't they learn the RIGHT way to take care of a baby?" "Doesn't he know birthdays are supposed to be filled with presents?" "Doesn't she know that you're supposed to have one job forever?"
When we come into relationship with someone, we bring our own thoughts and ideals. And each of our thoughts have been shaped by decades of action, inaction, and experience. So often we go into battle on our high horses over the "right" way of doing something - and drama ensues.
Most of the tension is caused by what we "think" things should look like. Is anyone with me? There's no mandate that says we HAVE to do things the way our best friends do them, or our parents did them, or the way magazines tell us we should be doing them. One of the secrets to freedom is, we get to DECIDE what works for us.
We all want thriving romantic relationships, friendships and work relationships - or else we wouldn't enter into them. So let's set them up for success, let's invest in them.
Let's actively contribute to the well-being of our relationships by figuring out how we'd like things to look and feel and then by (wait for it....) asking for what we want! Our husbands and wives and friends love us, they just see the world differently. So let's make it easy for them to fulfill our emotional needs.
And let's ABSOLUTELY reciprocate. OR we can be extra awesome and ask them what they need and want -- first! We can begin the communication. Compassion, consideration, kindness and thoughtfulness go A LONG way.
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
