How to Get What You Want | Week 32 | Confidence Revolution
Let’s say someone comes up to you, maybe it’s a co-worker, or family member and they say, “You’re always late! Why can’t you ever be on time?”
What’s your immediate reaction? Is it, “I’m so sorry, I won’t be late again.” Or is it, “Shut your pie hole, my kid was throwing a tantrum, I caught traffic, you don’t know my life!” Yes -- probably the latter.
Instead of motivating you to not be late, the statement puts you on the defense and probably angers you, a 100% reasonable reaction.
So if that’s how we react when posed with those kinds of statements, why do we think others will react differently when we hurl these types of statements at them?
Have you ever argued with your boss not understanding why in the hec she DOESN’T GET IT? Or have you ever locked horns with your husband or wife and thought, They are WRONG, I AM RIGHT. Maybe if I speak a litter louder, or beat them over the head with a stick, maybe then they’ll understand?! Or have you ever found yourself arguing with your folks, “You NEVER do this for me and ALWAYS do this for this them!”
These arguments can feel frustrating at best and like you are banging your head against a wall at worst. And the terrible part is that usually, no one budges and tempers flare.
This week I want to share with you communication gold. How to get what you want…eventually. Taking these steps will help you communicate your point (and get what you want), without offending the person you are communicating with. These tactics can be used at work, with family and in relationships.
1. Remove the words, YOU, ALWAYS and NEVER, from the conversation.
2. “A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request so … just make the request.” –Diane Sawyer. It's a way of saying, "Do you think we could work on this thing that makes me feel this way? Do you think we could work it out?" 9 times out of 10, each of us will be met with a resounding, "Of course we can."
3. Ask a question and listen to the answer.
So instead of saying, “You’re always late!” One could say, “I really appreciate it when we can start our project on time. Thank you so much for always respecting our time together.” Another example would be asking, “Hey, it seems like it’s been difficult to get to work on time, is there something I can help with?”
There is no telling what asking a question and listening will do to deepen a relationship. Folks who feel cared for are 4,474,567, 871 times (very scientific) more likely to come through and quite frankly over perform. :) Win, win all around!
Let me know how these work in your life!
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
#confidencerevolution here: Join Now.
Champions, click here to watch Episode 32!
Jealousy | Week 20 | Confidence Revolution
I am Mexican and Mexicans are jealous and fiery, which is hysterical and entertaining, until it's not.
Growing up I saw jealousy glamorized. Hollywood (poor Hollywood) told me that "real" men and women fight for their significant other. Hollywood told me it was normal to be dramatic. Hollywood told me that there are winners and losers.
But it wasn't until I was older that I realized that Hollywood was in the business of selling,not in the business of healthy relationships. "Oh."
THEN, I started the work of undoing decades of unhealthy habit building. (I may be working for quite a while!)
Whenever I feel jealous, blood rushes to my head and I try to figure out a way to control things and then when I realize I can't control things I get crazier. Everyone hold on! I hold my breath and almost internally combust. But then after I've had some time to come down I realize, ... I'm not angry, I'm scared.
I never feel jealous when I feel good about myself - I only feel jealous when I feel like I don't measure up. I only feel jealous when I'm afraid something or someone I love will like/love something or someone else more. And that's a terrible way to feel.
Sometimes we feel jealous in our romantic relationships, or in places of work, or in our friendship circles. Sometimes we feel jealous of the "new person." And sometimes we are jealous of people who don't even know we exist. (awkward) If we let it, jealousy can creep into all sorts of areas. So, let's guard against it.
Let's boldly trust that:
1) We are lovable and valuable.
2) We have a lot to offer.
3) We are not replaceable.
Let's know that when we operate from a place of fear, the universe constricts and so do our throats and hearts. When we're fearful it's even hard to get in a full breath.
But when we operate from a place of love and security the world around us transforms into one of abundance, and who is scared when things are abundant? Not me!
There's plenty out there for you and plenty out there for me.
love and grace, catia
And if someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
#confidencerevolution here: Join Now.
Learn to speak LOVE | Week 13 | Confidence Revolution
Have you found that love comes in all shapes and sizes? There’s BIG love, spontaneous love, platonic love, fizzle out love (you know the kind), forever love, unconditional love (my favorite!) and intentional love (okay – really my favorite!) just to name a few.
And have you also found that no matter the label placed on it – you KNOW when you feel loved? It’s an undeniable sensation, you know you are welcome to be your authentic no-is-home-and-you-can-do whatever-you-want self. :)
If you're in a long term relationship with someone (a spouse, a friend, a girlfriend/boyfriend, children, family members), you have a wonderfully unique opportunity in front of you. You have the chance to GROW in love as well as GROW the love between you and the other person.
Relationships are not easy, even challenging at times, but they don’t have to be a slog. They are supposed to make us feel good! They can bring us joy, laughter and a sense of security. Relationships can even be the unwavering foundation we stand on when we look into the big bright world. But before they can be all that, they have to be tended to.
In this week’s Week 13 Confidence Revolution lesson I am introducing two books.
1) The Zimzum of Love and
2) The 5 Love Languages
Marriage is different for everyone, but for me, it is my center and so I don’t just wish it well, I invest in it. I enjoy tending to it, and these books have helped fortify my marriage.
If there’s a relationship that you’d like to strengthen, that you’d like to see flourish, that you’d like to get more out of, watch this video for some guidance.
The great news is that tailored love can be satisfying, fulfilling and uplifting. When you love someone well, you give a gift from the heavens.
You deserve to love and be loved fiercely.
love and grace, catia
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
Succeed in Relationships | Week 9 | Confidence Revolution
Succeed in Relationships
"Don't they know my way is better?" "Didn't they learn the RIGHT way to take care of a baby?" "Doesn't he know birthdays are supposed to be filled with presents?" "Doesn't she know that you're supposed to have one job forever?"
When we come into relationship with someone, we bring our own thoughts and ideals. And each of our thoughts have been shaped by decades of action, inaction, and experience. So often we go into battle on our high horses over the "right" way of doing something - and drama ensues.
Most of the tension is caused by what we "think" things should look like. Is anyone with me? There's no mandate that says we HAVE to do things the way our best friends do them, or our parents did them, or the way magazines tell us we should be doing them. One of the secrets to freedom is, we get to DECIDE what works for us.
We all want thriving romantic relationships, friendships and work relationships - or else we wouldn't enter into them. So let's set them up for success, let's invest in them.
Let's actively contribute to the well-being of our relationships by figuring out how we'd like things to look and feel and then by (wait for it....) asking for what we want! Our husbands and wives and friends love us, they just see the world differently. So let's make it easy for them to fulfill our emotional needs.
And let's ABSOLUTELY reciprocate. OR we can be extra awesome and ask them what they need and want -- first! We can begin the communication. Compassion, consideration, kindness and thoughtfulness go A LONG way.
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
