Unspoken Truth + Weight | Week 37 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever known what you needed to do, but didn’t want to take the steps to make it happen because you were just going along to get along? Or maybe you didn’t want to speak your truth because you didn’t want to rock the boat? Or maybe you didn’t want to say what you were thinking OUTLOUD, because God forbid, you would appear high maintenance?
Me too.
We started our IVF journey in mid-January. I took hormones that sent my body into menopause and at the same time took hormones that made my body mature eggs at Usain Bolt speed. I administered 4 shots a day every day. I was bloated, in pain and praying for a healthy baby. I had blood draws every 2-3 days and had doctor’s appointments at the same rate, and on top of it all we were spending a boat load of money to make it all happen.
In early March we had our first embryo implant and by the end of March we learned that the baby did not take and that we were not pregnant. It was a very sad day and few weeks for our family. Were we going to have another baby?
Just about that time, God started whispering to me and I knew I was supposed to change doctors. Only changing doctors WAS NOT something that our IVF clinic responded well to. Once a doctor was assigned to you, they wanted to see it through. But I KNEW I NEEDED TO SWITCH. I knew on the next go around, we would have a healthy baby, IF I could switch who the implant doctor would be.
Afraid of appearing HIGH MAINTENANCE, I said nothing and my anxiety started to bubble up. I couldn’t quite work up the courage to ask for the switch, until one day there was a wrinkle in my original doctor’s calendar and I quickly spoke up and asked to be under the care of NEW DOCTOR.
The nurse sighed and told me that their office didn’t like it -- I pushed anyway. She said my switching doctors was going to rock the boat -- I pushed anyway.
Eventually they obliged and NEW DOCTOR implanted the next embryo and now we are 22 weeks pregnant!
I was going through ALL that, trying to bring a life into the world and I was afraid of appearing/being high maintenance!!! Who is this person that started the, Confidence Revolution anyway?!
And as soon as I asked for what I wanted, as soon as I was true to my intuition, I felt better, lighter, RELIEVED.
There is a space where being kind and gentle to others, meets being kind and true to OURSELVES. That’s where we should aim to live. We should not forsake our truth for fear of change or disruption, instead we should aim to be so in touch with our truth and our emotions that we can quickly identify them and allow ourselves to be guided by them.
Maybe your unacknowledged truth is something small, but maybe it’s something big. Maybe you are gay and have never said it out loud, maybe you really want to be an artist and feel like you’re suffocating at your desk job. Maybe you would rather your mother-in-law not treat your children one way, but you’re afraid to speak up. Maybe you’re battling abuse or addiction and you’re afraid to say anything because saying it out loud will require change. Maybe you’re in a relationship that you know is not for you but you’re afraid of hurting the person, so you go along to get along.
All of those fears are understandable, but you can either confront the fear (the weird feeling, the awkward change) or it will sit inside you and create such a heaviness in you that your light will begin to fade and eventually go out.
When we know and speak our truth we are able to walk around unburdened, light and joyful.
And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, light and joy.
love and grace, catia
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Denzel Preaches | Week 35 | Confidence Revolution
I am a sports kind of gal. I love live sports, sports on television, I even love sports talk radio! There’s something about the combination of fanfare and team work that gets me every time.
The other day I watched Remember the Titans. I loved it when it debuted in 2000 and I love it still.
The movie is based on the true story of Herman Boone (portrayed by none other than Denzel Washington), trying to lead his football team to victory. Only it’s 1971 in Virginia -- and the high school Denzel works at is newly integrated racially.
Denzel (he’s my friend, we’re on a first name basis) tries to come up with ways to get his team to integrate on a deeper level. He wants them to play football not only with each other but for each other.
Half-way through the film the football teams goes on a workout retreat and as part of the retreat, they are loudly awakened and tasked with running miles and miles through dense woods.
The football players have not yet become a TEAM, and so they are tense, pissed, tired, hungry and overall unpleasant. They go on this run through the woods and they are grumbling while they dodge boulders and trees. They are running before the sun has risen and so they are particularly bothered -- and after miles and miles of running, their coach (who has been leading the run) stops as he sees an open field.
Fog hovers over the ground and Denzel addresses his team while they are crouched over huffing and puffing.
“Anybody know what this place is? This is Gettysburg. This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we're still fighting amongst ourselves.....today. This green field right here was painted red, bubbling with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. 'I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family.' Listen and take a lesson from the dead.
If we don't come together right now, on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed just like they were.”
That’s where we are in America and maybe the world. We are inundated with fear through all forms of media, it’s no wonder the chasm is widening between certain religions and races.
During that same retreat the movie highlights the two pack leaders of the football team, Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell. Gerry (white) is the team captain and he is aggravated that Julius (black) although immensely talented is not giving his all during team practices. Gerry reaches his tipping point and confronts Julius about it.
Julius, sharing in Gerry’s aggravation aggressively asks, “The captain is supposed to be the leader, right?” Julius points out how some of the white members of the team have also been slacking and how Gerry hasn’t done a damn thing about it. Then Julius says to Gerry, “Attitude reflects leadership, Captain.”
Mic drop.
Guys and gals, if we want the world to change, WE, YOU and I, have to push. WE can move the needle forward by changing the way we operate. However good and loving and progressive we think we are, we can always do a little more to be loving and inclusive.
We can’t just tell our children (and younger generations) what to do, we have to SHOW them through our ACTIONS.
Attitude reflects leadership and WE are the leaders.
love and grace, catia
What to do when you fall | Week 34 | Confidence Revolution
A few months ago I applied to be a TEDx speaker. This particular TEDx event was going to be held in my hometown. I didn’t think I was a shoe in, but I absolutely thought I had a good shot at it. I applied as a writer and motivational speaker. I have been writing for 6 years now, and even have a book, The Courage to Become, coming out in December, I thought, I have to have a good chance! Guys, I even know one of the organizers! How sweet it was going to be, me on a TEDx stage!
Well…one week went by, crickets. Two weeks went by, nothing. Three months went by, goose egg.
No call back, no stock rejection letter, nothing. Nothing at all!!!
I had failed. Right?
Maybe.
I’m currently listening to the book, Rising Strong, by Dr. Brene Brown. The premise of the book is, when we are in the arena of life and we are trying, the question is not if we will fall, but when. And when we do fall, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, what is the story we tell ourselves.
Dr. Brown found that the determining factor for how quick people recovered was the type of stories they told themselves when they realized they had “failed.”
For example, let’s say, someone is applying for a promotion within their department. Let’s say they apply and a month goes by without a call back. Some people may tell themselves stories like, “they never liked me anyway,” or “I’d better start looking for another job now,” or “I’ll show them just how much they need me!” While others tell themselves stories like, “Maybe my application got lost,” or “maybe the person reviewing the applications is backlogged with work,” or “maybe they are waiting to promote me next month so they can also give me a raise!”
Brown continues to teach that the more optimistic person tells themselves positive things but also garners up the courage to confront the situation. They may bring it to their superiors’ attention or they may address it head on, “Hi, I was just wondering if you knew I applied and if there’s anything I can do help the process along,” or “Hi, I’m feeling unsure right now about my job performance since I haven’t received a call back.” All of those take GUTS to say!!!! But we can do hard things.
The key determining factor between the time we fall and the time we rise is the kind of story we tell ourselves when we are face down. The stories we create can be harmful or helpful. And the amazing part is that WE GET TO CHOOSE! We are in total control.
So -- did I tell myself that I suck and I’m never going to be on big public speaking stage? No way! Did I tell myself that I should have tried harder or that I’m not good enough? No way! When I realized I hadn’t been chosen, I told myself that maybe I needed a little more experience, that maybe they had too many women on the ticket and they needed more men. I told myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to address my hometown. And then, I let it go. I let it go and I went back to work.
I didn’t fail. I fell.
When you realize you have fallen:
· Tell yourself a positive message, and repeat it yourself.
· Ask for clarity. Maybe, just maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Tell the person how you are feeling.
· Tell yourself you can handle it, get up, rise strong, and get back to living your purpose.
love and grace, catia
Racism + Revenge | Week 27 | Confidence Revolution
I grew up in a predominantly Mexican town and so there -- I was the majority. Everyone could say my name, Cah-thee-yah. And it took me getting out of my hometown and going to college to see and feel racism.
Maybe it’s because I am one, but I have always had a soft spot in my heart for minorities, in whatever form they come. Everyone is welcome for pancakes at my house.
About a month ago, I started hearing rave reviews about Ezra Edelman’s 8 hour ESPN documentary, OJ: Made in America and so I recorded it and watched about half. It was about much more than the OJ Simpson case. It was about the dynamics of race, police behavior, expectation, the theater of the court system, and media relations in the US leading up to and during the early 1990s. Riveting is an understatement. I mean, I am a busy woman and I found FIVE hours to dedicate to it.
The film stirred something inside of me and made me want know more about what racism ACTUALLY feels like.
A few days after I wrapped up the OJ documentary our friend came over for dinner. He’s intelligent, accomplished, kind, a great conversationalist, and he’s also African-American. We got to talking about politics and graduate school and then we got to talking about race.
And after 13 years of have an outsider’s perspective on racism toward folks who are black, I garnered the courage to ask. “What does racism feel like to you?” “How does it manifest?” “Tell me about it.” I sat and listened with curiosity and a barrel full of empathy. It was not easy to hear his answers, but they were true and they brought us closer together.
We can theorize and hypothesize about what others are going through OR we can actually ask and listen. Yes, it will be uncomfortable. Yes, it will be weird. But it will enlighten us and it will close the divide.
Revenge
One of the OJ jurors said she voted ‘not guilty’ as pay back for what Rodney King had gone through years previous. She said, “Now you know how it feels,” implying she inflicted hurt on the white community because of the hurt they inflicted on Rodney King.
If there is a statement we can remove from our language it’s, now you know how it feels. Now you know how it feels, implies, you hurt me and now I’m going to hurt you and I’m glad you’re hurting.
Revenge is fueled by anger. And sure, anger hurts the person it’s taken out on, but it hurts the person it lives in much more. The more we live with anger, the more we perpetuate hurt and disrespect and negativity. The more we seek revenge, the longer the life span of revenge.
When someone hurts us, we have the option to continue the cycle of pain and violence OR to absorb it and stop it. We have the power to take revenge out of play, we have the power to stop the cycle.
But why would we want to stop the cycle? They hurt us!! At the very least, we can do it so that it stops knocking on our front door looking for us. Or maybe we stop the cycle so that our children won’t experience it down the road. Or maybe we’re feeling extra magnanimous and we stop the cycle because we don’t want others to hurt anymore.
Find ANY reason that works for you – a cycle of revenge and hurt can only continue to weigh us down.
And don’t we want to fly?
love and grace, catia
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The Secret To Dealing With Doubt | Week 25 | Confidence Revolution
Interactive Confidence Revolution! Bring on the questions, I love 'em and you!
Catia,
Doubt is a very real thing. Was there any point in which the self-help books, advice and motivational messages just weren’t enough? Like, did you ever not see the end in sight? –L
L,
First off, I know of two types of doubt. There is the doubt that creates a pain in my stomach, a tightening of my chest, an uneasiness in my heart. It’s my intuition whispering to me, then talking to me, then yelling to me. DO NOT MAKE THAT DECISION. In those cases, I ALWAYS, listen to that voice. That voice is smarter than any rationale I could conjure up. Full stop.
The second kind of doubt I have experienced is fear of the unknown. Fear that I won’t be able to handle what comes my way. Fear that my life won’t unfold exactly as I have planned.
Sometimes we walk around with a ringing in our ears or a buzzing in our head, or a heaviness in our hearts telling us to make a move, but fear and doubt take over and we suppress what’s welling up inside. The only thing is, “You will never be able to escape your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.” –Paulo Coehlo
Taking a leap requires gumption, and unfortunately there’s no real safety net. It requires us to let go of what has given us comfort or power or security—in order to open up a space for new things to unfold.
I’ll tell you a little story about learning to take a leap, even when doubt (the fearful kind) is in one’s mind.
On a bright spring day my girlfriend and I headed over to a local trapeze complex. $40 was sure to get us a good time and at the very least some good photo opps. During the instructional portion, the instructors taught us how to hook our knees around the wooden bar, how to chalk our hands and grab the bar, how to swing and eventually how to in mid swing, while we were upside down, to LET GO of the bar and reach for our catcher. “NO HESITATION. When we say ‘hands off,’ LET GO.”
I climbed up the ladder thirty feet, stayed firmly in position on the platform and eventually grabbed the bar and aired out my wet armpits. I jumped off the platform and screamed as I felt the wall on the opposite side of the building coming toward my face. I swung in the air like a pendulum and fell onto the safety net. Womp womp! I was too scared to event think about letting go!
But then, two months later I returned and I climbed the ladder again, knowing this time I was capable of reaching for the catcher.
I climbed up the ladder thirty feet, felt a little less nervous while my toes curled over the tiny wooden platform and assumed the position. Trust, I told myself. I thrust my hips forward, bent my knees, and jumped of the platform. TRUST. As I was flying through the air I heard, “hands off!” I let go, reached out with conviction, and felt two strong arms grab mine.
L, Knowledge, data, self-help books, advice … those things are wonderful and I think we should all load up on them. But then after we’ve done our best, and we’ve done all we can do, we have to let go and TRUST, that we are going to be okay. The secret to dealing with doubt is two fold. 1) We must have confidence in our own abilities and 2) We must have confidence that we are in the palm of God's hands and when we "let go," his strong arms will grab ours.
love and grace, catia
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Jealousy | Week 20 | Confidence Revolution
I am Mexican and Mexicans are jealous and fiery, which is hysterical and entertaining, until it's not.
Growing up I saw jealousy glamorized. Hollywood (poor Hollywood) told me that "real" men and women fight for their significant other. Hollywood told me it was normal to be dramatic. Hollywood told me that there are winners and losers.
But it wasn't until I was older that I realized that Hollywood was in the business of selling,not in the business of healthy relationships. "Oh."
THEN, I started the work of undoing decades of unhealthy habit building. (I may be working for quite a while!)
Whenever I feel jealous, blood rushes to my head and I try to figure out a way to control things and then when I realize I can't control things I get crazier. Everyone hold on! I hold my breath and almost internally combust. But then after I've had some time to come down I realize, ... I'm not angry, I'm scared.
I never feel jealous when I feel good about myself - I only feel jealous when I feel like I don't measure up. I only feel jealous when I'm afraid something or someone I love will like/love something or someone else more. And that's a terrible way to feel.
Sometimes we feel jealous in our romantic relationships, or in places of work, or in our friendship circles. Sometimes we feel jealous of the "new person." And sometimes we are jealous of people who don't even know we exist. (awkward) If we let it, jealousy can creep into all sorts of areas. So, let's guard against it.
Let's boldly trust that:
1) We are lovable and valuable.
2) We have a lot to offer.
3) We are not replaceable.
Let's know that when we operate from a place of fear, the universe constricts and so do our throats and hearts. When we're fearful it's even hard to get in a full breath.
But when we operate from a place of love and security the world around us transforms into one of abundance, and who is scared when things are abundant? Not me!
There's plenty out there for you and plenty out there for me.
love and grace, catia
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