Trying is Contagious | Week 52 | Confidence Revolution
You have grown by leaps and bounds this year and I am so thrilled for you!
The stories you've shared with me via email are heart-warming, inspiring, and all the fuel I need to keep going.
There are so many things I'd like to share with you before I go on hiatus (guys, I have 3 weeks left until our due date but contractions started last night!)
But for now I'll say keep trying. Trying is underrated. The ONE thing that all the greats ( no matter how one defines 'the greats' ) is that they all TRIED.
The more you try, the more you will believe in yourself and then - and then this domino effect happens with those around you - and they also begin trying. It's a beautiful thing to watch unfold.
You can positively impact your life and your corner of the world - just by trying.
Enjoy today, you deserve it! Happy New Year!
love and grace, catia
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This is Embarassing | Week 50 | Confidence Revolution
My entire life I wanted to be discovered.
From a very young age I had visions of an agent plucking me out of obscurity and taking me to the big time.
Guys, I AM SO DEAD SERIOUS.
I’d go on family vacations with my folks and brothers and as early as age 9 – I’d sit by the pool with a book or walk on the beach, or laugh in just the right way ( I know – embarrassing!) so that JUST IN CASE there was a talent agent nearby – I WOULD BE READY.
I heard stories of girls getting discovered and being on rocket ships to stardom. And so I just knew that I would be able manifest the same. “Any moment now, any moment now, any….”
Radio silence…for years.
Why had those girls gotten discovered and not me?
I desperately wanted a crane to drop in, scoop me up and place me into this new “I had made it life.”
For decades I wanted this…until sometime in the last 6 months – I had a flash of wisdom – flashes come to me once in a while. ;)
My journey was not about someone discovering me, my journey was about me DISCOVERING MYSELF.
Along the way I have pushed myself and done things my skill set deemed unlikely if not impossible. Some of my favorites were: being drum major in high school (I was an okay musician– but not great), getting a master’s degree (I was naturally a B student), running a marathon (I am a terrible but determined runner), building a web site (I taught myself from scratch), and writing a book (I sat my butt down and wrote every day for 1 year).
My journey is about me discovering what I am made of. And it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been BEYOND rewarding.
If the talent agent, the crane, had come and picked me up out of obscurity – I may not have developed a sense of duty, determination and tenacity. I may not have ever pushed myself. I may not have figured out what I was capable of. I may have gotten to “the big show” and crumbled because I hadn’t built up my inner self!
If you’re out there wanting to be discovered or validated – I’m here to say – You’re the one. You’re the one who is going to have to SHOW UP. And once you’ve shown yourself that YOU CAN – no can take that away from you. No one can take away your struggles and triumphs and that unshakable sense of confidence. You can stand taller because YOU ARE.
I finally gave up wanting to be discovered – but I stayed on the yellow brick road to my discovery – and I am all the better for it. I know who I am, I know what I can do and I know what I can give – and I know that I can always figure it out.
And that’s what I want for you – I want you to know that you strong and that you can make it and that you can always figure it out.
love and grace, catia
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TRUST | Week 49 | Confidence Revolution
Has life thrown you any curve balls lately? ME TOO!
And one day I’ll tell you all about it – but for now – I want to say – things (poop, the unexpected, the frustrating, the devastating) happen – to all of us.
And I wish I could tell you that doing “the work,” making progress on your inner self will exempt you from pain and challenges – but it won’t. But what it does do is give you tools you need to make it through each day – and not only SURVIVE – but enjoy the experience.
And guys, ENJOYING it is what it’s ALL about.
This year you have learned how to:
Not react
find peace
choose good relationships
listen to your voice
be proud of who you are
shake off the haters
love more deeply.
and
how to enjoy life more.
You now know how to see things through! And if you don’t have the exact tool – you know how to learn and stretch – and that’s all you ever really to know – HOW TO LEARN.
But from time to time – you’ll feel crazy, in over your head. And in those moments, I encourage you to TRUST and to sink into your faith more – to not run away from it – but to hold on tighter – KNOWING that God will bring you through.
This knowing, this trusting – is not easy – it requires both diligence and patience. And who wants to be patient?! I know….
But I have found that when I’ve done my best, and stay in my faith, AND stay in my own integrity (which means continuing to make decisions I feel good about) - that even if there is pain and inconvenience and suffering and maybe even all out disaster – I ALWAYS end up stronger, more connected and more of the woman I wanted to be.
TRUST in yourself. You are capable. You are strong. You are plenty.
and...
TRUST in God. God is capable. God is strong. God is plenty.
love and grace to you!
Time-outs and Horoscopes | Week 30 | Confidence Revolution
A few weeks ago we implemented time-out because Alexandra is going through a hitting phase.
It has been tough. When she gets angry and she’s not getting what she wants, she swats (mostly at me.) Some days she swats and flails all over the place and since she is a strong young lady, sometimes I feel like I’m actually dodging her. Strange.
We have a mat that we sit her on for 2 minutes when she’s in time-out. Most times we have to battle her to stay on it, what can I say, it’s a work in progress. And after every time-out session I give her a hug and ask her to sit down next to me.
“Let’s have a conversation,” I say as I pat the floor.
She sits next to me and I remind her that she gets to choose. I will never put her in time-out willy nilly. The only reason she experiences time-out is because SHE made the decision to get there. I remind her that she gets to control her decision making and that each decision will render good and bad consequences. EVERY SINGLE DECISION.
Maybe you’re thinking, “She’s only 2, she can’t possibly understand.” Maybe you’re right, but I’m betting she can.
I remind her that her Papa and I love her and I ask her, “Do we hit in this family?” She always shakes her head no. And then I ask her if she’s going to hit again, and she mumbles, “No ma’am.” We hug and kiss and we each go on our way.
I do this EVERY TIME I put her in time-out, which is about twice a day now. And through the day, I try to remind her, about consequences, both good and bad.
And in the last few weeks, something magical has happened, I have started making better decisions. I have started being more kind and more understanding. I have been able to stay between the lines, even when I have really wanted to go outside of them. Funny how this parenting thing works!
A few weeks ago I read my horoscope and it noted how we are shaped by the things we do, AND ALSO by things we were going to do and though better of, but didn’t.
You see, we get credit for what we do, but it’s the things that we don’t do – the phone call we DON’T make in anger, the finger we DON’T flip in road rage, the attitude we DON’T give our boss, the detail we DON’T point out to prove we were right, the piece of trash we DON’T throw on the ground just because no one is looking- that form the foundation of our character.
I saw this movie some time ago, The Counselor, part of the movie has stuck with me ever since. One of the main characters says,
The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you made is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You are now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing there. There's only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago…
When we’re two, we have an excuse for not knowing better, maybe even when we’re 10 and 12 and even 20. But at some point we’ll wake up and realize we are the product of ALL the decisions we have made.
Friend, part of being confident is taking responsibility for your life and the way it plays out. Today, stand tall, reach down deep and make decisions that you are proud of. Start by being respectful of yourself and others, and the rest will fall into place.
love and grace, catia
Watch Shame Wither | Week 29 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown breaks down vulnerability and shame.
Guilt is: “I feel bad.”
Shame is: “I am bad.”
She notes that guilt is helpful. Guilt keeps us inside the lines. Guilt keeps us from making poor choices.
But shame, shame is an entirely different animal.
Shame in essence -- is feeling unworthy of love and belonging. Shame gremlins as Dr. Brown refers to them, come out to taunt us when we are feeling down and out, when we are embarrassed, when we think we are alone. The shame gremlins (could also be referred to as the negative tapes in our heads) tell us that no one has ever messed up this bad, they tell us that if our friends found out who we really were they wouldn’t like us anymore. Shame gremlins tell us that we’d better keep our points of embarrassment to ourselves, OR ELSE. Shame tells us to suppress “it” and never speak of it.
Dr. Brown tells us that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgement. And that the antidote to shame is sharing and connection.
Shame is just a bully.
Shame cannot stand the light of day.
Shame withers in connection.
We can feel shame for things done to us and we can also feel shame for things we have done. We can feel shame for growing up in poverty, for growing up in a broken home, for being abused, for being broken up with. And we can also feel shame for not graduating high school, for being unable to manage our weight, or for cheating on someone.
Shame comes to us one and all, whether it seems justified or not. And what may be one person’s shame, another may not give the time of day. But shame is shame, no need to compare and contrast.
"Does shame live in us forever?" If we let it, it can. And if we don't address it, shame has a physical effect on our bodies. We are integrated beings, our minds and bodies and hearts are connected. And when one system goes down, our emotions for example, it sends our other systems into a downward spiral also. Our bodies have to DO SOMETHING with shame and so they create inflammation. Shame creates inflammation in our bodies, the root of most diseases.
Shame makes us feel like the pits and has a detrimental effect on our bodies, so should we get rid of it? YES. KICK IT THE CURB.
Here’s how:
Find someone you trust – someone who has earned the right to hear your story – and then sit down with them or call them and say, “I need your help. I’ve been struggling with __________, and it’s weighing me down.” Tell them how you feel, open up to them. Admit to your struggle.
Sometimes we are scared to share, because friends and family will know we aren’t perfect. But, you are generous with your love, why wouldn’t others be generous with their love toward you?
The more we share, the more we remove our social media best, the more we live in our truth, the greater connection we will feel to those around us – and the more shame will melt away.
After 6 years of writing and receiving emails from readers, the one thing I know for sure is, we are not alone -- we are all in this together.
love and grace, catia
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The Secret To Dealing With Doubt | Week 25 | Confidence Revolution
Interactive Confidence Revolution! Bring on the questions, I love 'em and you!
Catia,
Doubt is a very real thing. Was there any point in which the self-help books, advice and motivational messages just weren’t enough? Like, did you ever not see the end in sight? –L
L,
First off, I know of two types of doubt. There is the doubt that creates a pain in my stomach, a tightening of my chest, an uneasiness in my heart. It’s my intuition whispering to me, then talking to me, then yelling to me. DO NOT MAKE THAT DECISION. In those cases, I ALWAYS, listen to that voice. That voice is smarter than any rationale I could conjure up. Full stop.
The second kind of doubt I have experienced is fear of the unknown. Fear that I won’t be able to handle what comes my way. Fear that my life won’t unfold exactly as I have planned.
Sometimes we walk around with a ringing in our ears or a buzzing in our head, or a heaviness in our hearts telling us to make a move, but fear and doubt take over and we suppress what’s welling up inside. The only thing is, “You will never be able to escape your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.” –Paulo Coehlo
Taking a leap requires gumption, and unfortunately there’s no real safety net. It requires us to let go of what has given us comfort or power or security—in order to open up a space for new things to unfold.
I’ll tell you a little story about learning to take a leap, even when doubt (the fearful kind) is in one’s mind.
On a bright spring day my girlfriend and I headed over to a local trapeze complex. $40 was sure to get us a good time and at the very least some good photo opps. During the instructional portion, the instructors taught us how to hook our knees around the wooden bar, how to chalk our hands and grab the bar, how to swing and eventually how to in mid swing, while we were upside down, to LET GO of the bar and reach for our catcher. “NO HESITATION. When we say ‘hands off,’ LET GO.”
I climbed up the ladder thirty feet, stayed firmly in position on the platform and eventually grabbed the bar and aired out my wet armpits. I jumped off the platform and screamed as I felt the wall on the opposite side of the building coming toward my face. I swung in the air like a pendulum and fell onto the safety net. Womp womp! I was too scared to event think about letting go!
But then, two months later I returned and I climbed the ladder again, knowing this time I was capable of reaching for the catcher.
I climbed up the ladder thirty feet, felt a little less nervous while my toes curled over the tiny wooden platform and assumed the position. Trust, I told myself. I thrust my hips forward, bent my knees, and jumped of the platform. TRUST. As I was flying through the air I heard, “hands off!” I let go, reached out with conviction, and felt two strong arms grab mine.
L, Knowledge, data, self-help books, advice … those things are wonderful and I think we should all load up on them. But then after we’ve done our best, and we’ve done all we can do, we have to let go and TRUST, that we are going to be okay. The secret to dealing with doubt is two fold. 1) We must have confidence in our own abilities and 2) We must have confidence that we are in the palm of God's hands and when we "let go," his strong arms will grab ours.
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
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Learn to speak LOVE | Week 13 | Confidence Revolution
Have you found that love comes in all shapes and sizes? There’s BIG love, spontaneous love, platonic love, fizzle out love (you know the kind), forever love, unconditional love (my favorite!) and intentional love (okay – really my favorite!) just to name a few.
And have you also found that no matter the label placed on it – you KNOW when you feel loved? It’s an undeniable sensation, you know you are welcome to be your authentic no-is-home-and-you-can-do whatever-you-want self. :)
If you're in a long term relationship with someone (a spouse, a friend, a girlfriend/boyfriend, children, family members), you have a wonderfully unique opportunity in front of you. You have the chance to GROW in love as well as GROW the love between you and the other person.
Relationships are not easy, even challenging at times, but they don’t have to be a slog. They are supposed to make us feel good! They can bring us joy, laughter and a sense of security. Relationships can even be the unwavering foundation we stand on when we look into the big bright world. But before they can be all that, they have to be tended to.
In this week’s Week 13 Confidence Revolution lesson I am introducing two books.
1) The Zimzum of Love and
2) The 5 Love Languages
Marriage is different for everyone, but for me, it is my center and so I don’t just wish it well, I invest in it. I enjoy tending to it, and these books have helped fortify my marriage.
If there’s a relationship that you’d like to strengthen, that you’d like to see flourish, that you’d like to get more out of, watch this video for some guidance.
The great news is that tailored love can be satisfying, fulfilling and uplifting. When you love someone well, you give a gift from the heavens.
You deserve to love and be loved fiercely.
love and grace, catia
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
How Gratitude Transforms | Week 11 | Confidence Revolution
Gratitude is not always easy. But learning how to practice gratitude and consistently expressing our gratitude transforms what we have into more than enough.
How Gratitude Transforms
Gratitude is not always easy. But learning how to practice gratitude and consistently expressing our gratitude transforms what we have into more than enough.
Not only giving thanks but actually expressing it helps keep us in the present moment of our lives. It keeps us from living in the past and from worrying about the future. We have the power to control our thoughts and consequently our emotions.
We can be grateful for things large and small. From a fragrant flower on our evening walk to getting through traffic to our appointment on time, it all matters. And when we are aware of our surroundings, we inevitably practice being present. And being in the RIGHT NOW opens our eyes to the brightness of the world.
Most nights I walk Beau (12 and going strong!) and I pray. But the other night I was so overwhelmed with life that I couldn't really eek the words out to God. I thought he'd understand - and so I just said, "thank you." I thanked him for everything I could think of. As Master Eckhart says, "If the only prayer you say is, thank you, that will be enough."
Practice gratitude in the good days and when the tough days come along, you will have built up so much gratitude muscle memory that it will automatically take over. Even in the terrible, days when life seems like too much, there is something to be thankful for. Personal example here.
love and grace, catia
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
What are Your Gifts? | Week 10 | Confidence Revolution
Your gifts are worth celebrating.
Let's Identify Your Gifts
Your gifts are worth being celebrated AND they are worth being explored AND they are worth being shared.
There are legions of us out there who don't feel like we have gifts to offer the world, but we most certainly do.
EACH of us is worthy of being heard, of being honored and of taking part in the conversation. All that life asks of us is that we show up.
Last night I forced myself to go to a neighborhood mom's meeting. It always makes me a little nervous because I don't really know anyone and I know I'll have to stretch and have some 'blind date' type of courage. But during the meeting a fellow mom kindly sat down next to me and we started talking and it went like this... "I get you!" "Me too." "Me too." "I know, right?" My heart could have burst. And I came home thrilled to have met a new friend. But if I would have stayed home in my pjs, I wouldn't have experienced any of it.
It's okay to be scared. We CAN walk with fear, into the unknown because we CAN handle it.
Let's turn our attention inside and realize that we are full of gifts and skill and one-of-a-kind qualities. People will like us and pay attention to us, not because we are the best, but because we see them and we allow ourselves to be seen.
PS. In this video I recommend the book Carry On, Warrior, you can find it here. I finished the book last night and I'm lamenting not having it for a few minutes before I go to sleep every night. Ladies, you're going to love it!
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
Succeed in Relationships | Week 9 | Confidence Revolution
Succeed in Relationships
"Don't they know my way is better?" "Didn't they learn the RIGHT way to take care of a baby?" "Doesn't he know birthdays are supposed to be filled with presents?" "Doesn't she know that you're supposed to have one job forever?"
When we come into relationship with someone, we bring our own thoughts and ideals. And each of our thoughts have been shaped by decades of action, inaction, and experience. So often we go into battle on our high horses over the "right" way of doing something - and drama ensues.
Most of the tension is caused by what we "think" things should look like. Is anyone with me? There's no mandate that says we HAVE to do things the way our best friends do them, or our parents did them, or the way magazines tell us we should be doing them. One of the secrets to freedom is, we get to DECIDE what works for us.
We all want thriving romantic relationships, friendships and work relationships - or else we wouldn't enter into them. So let's set them up for success, let's invest in them.
Let's actively contribute to the well-being of our relationships by figuring out how we'd like things to look and feel and then by (wait for it....) asking for what we want! Our husbands and wives and friends love us, they just see the world differently. So let's make it easy for them to fulfill our emotional needs.
And let's ABSOLUTELY reciprocate. OR we can be extra awesome and ask them what they need and want -- first! We can begin the communication. Compassion, consideration, kindness and thoughtfulness go A LONG way.
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
How to Accomplish Goals | Week 8 | Confidence Revolution
A few years ago I ran a marathon with my brother, Carlos -- a full one! 26.2, guys. It was crazy.
The thing is, I am the least athletic person YOU will EVER meet. I have trouble catching a highlighter yellow softball. So when I signed up for the marathon I knew I had my work cut out for me.
Instead of getting overwhelmed with the thought of running TWENTY SIX POINT TWO miles in a row, I broke it down into tiny increments. Tiny. For example, I would tell myself, "You only have to run to the next mail box," or "You only have to make it to the next stop sign." And somehow I always managed --because if my goals were running 100 or 200 yards at a time, it was no problem. But if my goal was running for 4.5 hours straight - I would just cry.
And since then, that's how I have approached life. Teeny tiny increments. And at every point, I congratulate myself and set the next goal. This strategy has helped me eat better, nurse my baby for a year, run a marathon, write a book, and even re-organize the kitchen!
Set a goal, break it down and let your goals craft your decision making. Sometimes we can take two steps forward and one step back, and that's okay. But sometimes we have it in us to take 2 steps forward and then 1 more step forward and then 1 more step forward.
Don't be afraid to give up the good, to go for the great. -Steve Prefontaine
Take some deep breaths and make this week count. :)
Guys - if you want to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - this gift is for you.
I made this 100% to be of service to you.
Love!
Don't feed your subconcious Hot Cheetos | Week 4 | Confidence Revolution
Friends!
So far we've talked about what the #confidencerevolution is, why I'm pumped about it and why we will succeed. If you're new, welcome! Take a few minutes to watch videos 1-3 and soak in the goodness.
In this week's episode I talk about our mental chatter box and just how much power it has over us.
I also suggest a book that CHANGED my life for the better and how I think it can help you too.
With every teeny tiny modification you are changing your life for the better. I am proud of you!
If you're new, welcome! Take a few minutes to watch videos 1-3 and soak in the goodness. In this week's episode I talk about our mental chatter box and just how much power it has over us.
More is Caught than Taught | Week 3 | Confidence Revolution
Guys, week 3! I hope you're making the most of your time today. Love the ones your with, it all goes by in a flash.
This week's video is a peek into WHY I started all of this in the first place (I'll give you a hint, she's tiny and has crazy bed head from her nap) and how I think it can be of value in your life.
"The wound is the place where light enters you." -Rumi. Y'all, the light entered big time for me. Don't be afraid of hurting, it always pushes us further along.
Airport encounter | Week 2| Confidence Revolution
Why you will succeed.
We're on the road to increased self-esteem! I'm thrilled to be trekking together. Guys, increased confidence relieves so much.
This week's video has to do with originality and success and real life.
Let me know how you're feeling and about any progress you've made. And as always I'm available for specific questions.
