What to do with Haters | Week 48 | Confidence Revolution
It’s the holiday season and you’re likely around a lot of folks – friends, family and co-workers. And some of those folks are going to throw some shade, or try to undermine you or flat out criticize you. Some will lovingly point out things you could be doing better and some will nit-pick just to annoy you.
Here are some things to remind yourself when you feel criticism being hurled at you.
Know that there are two types of criticism – destructive and constructive.
DESTRUCTIVE:
- It’s likely they don’t really KNOW you - so don't take their words personally.
- It’s 99.9% likely that their opinions have NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their own unresolved issues, dilemmas and short comings.
- Folks who criticize (and we all do it from time to time) are seeing the world through their own view point. They’re not really putting themselves in your shoes.
- Also – THE BIG KAHUNA - You can’t change their opinion – because it’s not about you – it’s about them.
CONSTRUCTIVE:
- It’s coming from someone who shows they love you. (Not just says they love you.)
- If their comment hits a nerve, sit with it – maybe there’s some truth to the statement.
- Try not to shut it out completely – try to see if from their point of view.
- Would you benefit from a little change?
- Know you can handle it. All growth comes with some level of discomfort.
- Sometimes our loved ones know we deserve better and just want us to believe it.
You are strong and you can ABSOLUTELY handle what is coming your way.
love and grace, catia
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Know someone is the seasons of early marriage and motherhood? This is a perfect gift.
Help them feel supported and loved.
Amazon - Barnes & Noble
iTunes + Audible (I narrated the audio book myself)
Book People (shop local!) - Kindle.
Speak + Light the Way | Week 42 | Confidence Revolution
Zainab Salbi is an author, women's rights activist, humanitarian, social entrepreneur, and in 2002 became the founder of Women for Women International (a non-profit organization that provides support to women survivors of war.) And in 2015 she took her platform an expanded it by launching Nida’a Show, a talk show dedicated to inspire women in the Arab world. Sounds awesome, right?
Well, her story wasn’t always as bright and shiny.
In 1969 Salbi was born to Saudi Arabian to parents and when she was 11 years old her dad, Tariq, was chosen to be Saddam Hussein’s pilot. This relationship, as you can imagine, put her family in an emotionally abusive situation. But one doesn’t just leave Saddam Hussein.
After her teenage years and as Zainab became a young women, her mother began to fear for her daughter’s life (Saddam took what and who he wanted) and so her mother shipped her off to the US as part of an arranged marriage. And after three months of suffering physical and emotional abuse from her husband, with only $400 to her name, she left to start a life of her own.
But when she arrived in the US (1988) – Zainab was ashamed to tell anyone who she was. Albeit negative, she had a direct link to Saddam Hussein. For perspective, in 1988 Saddam Hussein had just begun the genocide of their countrymen who were Kurdish. He was imprisoning, torturing and murdering people – and Zainab’s dad was his pilot - which engulfed her in shame.
At some point she realized, for her own sanity, she had to tell her story and heal, and the results surprised her.
She noted how when she did, she was met with love, empathy and compassion. And that undoubtedly, each woman she told had a shame story of their own. Something that was hindering them from moving forward.
Salbi also noticed that once she and each of these women had the courage to break their silence and step out of their own shame -- that each person became like a candle – lighting the way for others – a hope giving of sorts.
--
Guys, I have been writing and speaking my truth for 6 years - I have shared some doozies with you and have shared even more with those closest to me. And in 6 years of honoring my truth – I have NEVER been met with, “That’s so weird, I’ve never heard of that!” I’ve ALWAYS been met with, “Oh, really? I didn’t know you were going through that – I ALSO went through something similar,” or “My friend went through that too,” and sometimes it’s just a plain and simple, “me too.”
And after I break my silence, I feel lighter, more connected and stronger for walking through it.
--
Maybe you have credit card debt and can’t afford the purse you carry, maybe you owe the bank money, maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you experienced abuse growing up, maybe you lead a life you’re not proud of and you’re afraid that when people find out who YOU REALLY ARE – that they won’t love you.
I’m here to tell you, that if they’re worth having around, they will.
I’m here to tell you that breaking your silence and sharing your story creates connection and gives hope to those who share in your pain. (Not to mention giving you hope!)
What you do with your story is a choice – and what a wonderful choice to OWN IT – to create your own ending.
love and grace, catia
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Body After Baby | Week 23 | Confidence Revolution
During my pregnancy and post-partum, I was under the tutelage of all things Hollywood media. I felt compelled to be exceptional. I wanted to bounce back and have it all figured out, right away. I wanted my days to flow seamlessly – to be able to breastfeed, have great sex with my husband, and cook a great meal. And I felt crushing pressure, every bit self-imposed, to have a beach-ready body.
I didn’t care that I had just had a baby, or that my body was recovering not only from making a baby and carrying a baby, but also from birthing a baby. I wanted to look just like famous women do in fashion magazines.
It was my goal to not only look good in my old clothes, but to feel good too. I had set and accomplished goals before, and this was no different – except that, just between us, it was ENTIRELY different. What was I thinking?!
Eventually, I realized (that’s code for: I learned the hard way) I was an entirely new person with new circumstances and new responsibilities, so I took drastic action and unsubscribed to magazines and stopped watching junk television. I walked away from the media that was making me crazy and I flushed Hollywood’s definition of attractive down the toilet. It served NO purpose in my life, and rather quickly, I was the better for it.
Just between us, it took time to get my sexy back, and when it came back, it wasn’t in the same way: it was BETTER because it was authentic. I walked taller and held my head higher, knowing I was a force. Over the course of her first year, ease settled into my bones. I emerged after the first year of motherhood stronger, more grounded and confident in myself – and how I looked no longer mattered.
Years of trial and error culminated and I finally realized that authentic confidence and beauty are not end results, they are byproducts of a soul that is peaceful, grateful, and kind.
If a genie were to offer me a Hollywood starlet’s pre-baby body today, just between us, I’d laugh and walk away. There is no chance on God’s green earth I would trade even a smidgen of who I am now for anyone else’s esthetics. My entire being is better for the richness I’ve experienced, even my post-baby figure.
Pastor Rob Bell , God bless him, teaches on the notion of good vs. perfect. He teaches that the Hebrew language brings us the word, tov, which means good. Only that Tov is a layered version of the word we have come to understand as good. Folded into the definition of tov is a dynamic quality. Tov takes movement into consideration. Tov is of the earth, tov is seasons, tov is evolving, tov embraces light and dark. Tov welcomes grit and flaws, tov celebrates authenticity. Tov knows that life seasons run their course, it knows that we are in a constant state of creation and forward movement. Tov flows. Tov takes active participation.
After introducing us to tov, Bell enlightens us by shedding light on the ideal of perfection brought to us by the Greeks. The definition of τέλειος , better known to us as perfect has a layered definition made up of: being the ultimate, fully realized, without shortcomings, entire. Perfect brings with it a sense of static. Perfect is that which cannot be improved upon, perfect is complete.
In an interview Cameron Diaz did about her book, The Body Book , she noted how the anti-aging movement has convinced us that no matter how many candles are on our birthday cake, we should aim to look 25 in perpetuity. That women everywhere are repeatedly apologizing for not being able to defy nature. We walk around whispering nonsense to ourselves and each other like, “My skin is not taut, or I’m not able to fit into those skinny jeans anymore, or she looks perfect, why can’t I?”
At twenty-five I was peppy, fit, not a wrinkle on me, but I was also a shell of the person I am today. In the years eight years since turning twenty-five I have experienced disappointment, triumph, profound joy, marriage, child birth, more runs to the grocery store, more traffic tickets, more traveling, and more stumbles. I have experienced more excitement and more heart ache, and all these experiences have been tov. They have shaped me and pushed me to become more compassionate, more humble and more curious.
If we removed our lenses of perfection and instead used our tov lenses, how might that change our outlook? How much would our days be different if we recognized that we are part of something good, gritty, holy, and evolving? How much would our hearts sing if we settled into the notion that perfect is a great for describing delectable food and awing art, but it is almost too small, too narrow of a word to describe our hearts and spirits and bodies? Perfect wishes it could hold all of what we have to offer, but it just can’t. So instead, let’s honor the expansiveness of our journeys and let’s welcome the notion that we are, that it is all, good.
How my journey with insecurity led to the Confidence Revolution
Thank you to RGV Moms Blog for having me as a featured speaker! It was more exciting and fulfilling that I could have ever thought. It was a group of women (and some men :) ) gathered together and we let each other know, womanhood is can be tough and it's okay. We are all stumbling along, but we get to do it together.
I spoke with this fine group about insecurity and jealousy and gifts and confidence. It was awesome. Enjoy!
Armor and Security Blankets | Week 16 | Confidence Revolution
Do you remember being young and toting around your favorite teddy bear, or Hot Wheels car, or blankie? Do you remember just how important it was to your existence. MUST HAVE LOVIE! For our daughter, it's her cup of awwwwaa, agua or water to the rest of us. When she's unsure of her situation, she clutches onto her awwwwaaa for dear life.
As we grow older, lovies and teddy bears fall by the wayside, but we learn to cling onto other things. As adults, when we feel unsure of ourselves we grab for - food, alcohol, fancier clothes, bigger diamonds, higher heels, bigger homes, more successful businesses. We all have some kind of armor that we suit up with before we go into an unsure situation. What will we wear? What will we say? How will we prove we are worth being there? And though most of our security blankets are imperceptible to the naked eye, they are there, whispering to us that we need them.
About a year ago I began to identify the armor I layer on before I head into unfamiliar situations. I realized that when I was with people I loved and who I knew loved me, I dressed one way and when I was meeting people for the first time, I dressed another way. It was plainly obvious . When I felt safe, I didn't need a security blanket, BUT when I felt unsafe, I LOADED UP on security blankets.
And with that awareness, God bless awareness, I began needing my forms of awwwwaaaaless and less.
I'm not advocating that you stop eating or drink or buying higher heels or working harder at your career, I'm only advocating that you don't NEED to in order to be safe. You're already safe.
You need NOT be adorned to be loved. You are loved JUST as you are. Let yourself be seen, you are PLENTY.
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
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Confidence Is... | Week 12 | Confidence Revolution
"Am I wearing the right outfit?" "I wonder what he thinks of me." "Does my coworker think I'm cool?" "Is this picture going to look good?" "What are people going to think of me when I post this photo? I hope they think I look good."
I have missed entire evenings, vacations even -- because I was so worried about LOOKING a certain way, worried about what people were thinking of me. In hind sight I think, what a shame. What a shame that I was so self absorbed that I forsook amazing experiences. But I needed to go through that to get where I am today. Growing pains, I suppose.
As I age what's really important in life becomes more clear and I move away from superficial things like appearance -- and move more toward looking at the person sitting across from me. And not only looking at them, but appreciating them for their beauty. There is so much to take in, to learn and to hear from others. God lives me and God lives in everyone else too.
Life is so much more satisfying when we look outward, connect and invite people to be their authentic selves.
Take a butterfly - adorded by many. Beautiful and graceful. But butterflies BECAME. We must be willing to crack open and change the way we exist to experience this life in all it's richness.
love and grace, catia
Funny blooper about minute 4! The show must go on. :)
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
How Gratitude Transforms | Week 11 | Confidence Revolution
Gratitude is not always easy. But learning how to practice gratitude and consistently expressing our gratitude transforms what we have into more than enough.
How Gratitude Transforms
Gratitude is not always easy. But learning how to practice gratitude and consistently expressing our gratitude transforms what we have into more than enough.
Not only giving thanks but actually expressing it helps keep us in the present moment of our lives. It keeps us from living in the past and from worrying about the future. We have the power to control our thoughts and consequently our emotions.
We can be grateful for things large and small. From a fragrant flower on our evening walk to getting through traffic to our appointment on time, it all matters. And when we are aware of our surroundings, we inevitably practice being present. And being in the RIGHT NOW opens our eyes to the brightness of the world.
Most nights I walk Beau (12 and going strong!) and I pray. But the other night I was so overwhelmed with life that I couldn't really eek the words out to God. I thought he'd understand - and so I just said, "thank you." I thanked him for everything I could think of. As Master Eckhart says, "If the only prayer you say is, thank you, that will be enough."
Practice gratitude in the good days and when the tough days come along, you will have built up so much gratitude muscle memory that it will automatically take over. Even in the terrible, days when life seems like too much, there is something to be thankful for. Personal example here.
love and grace, catia
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
What are Your Gifts? | Week 10 | Confidence Revolution
Your gifts are worth celebrating.
Let's Identify Your Gifts
Your gifts are worth being celebrated AND they are worth being explored AND they are worth being shared.
There are legions of us out there who don't feel like we have gifts to offer the world, but we most certainly do.
EACH of us is worthy of being heard, of being honored and of taking part in the conversation. All that life asks of us is that we show up.
Last night I forced myself to go to a neighborhood mom's meeting. It always makes me a little nervous because I don't really know anyone and I know I'll have to stretch and have some 'blind date' type of courage. But during the meeting a fellow mom kindly sat down next to me and we started talking and it went like this... "I get you!" "Me too." "Me too." "I know, right?" My heart could have burst. And I came home thrilled to have met a new friend. But if I would have stayed home in my pjs, I wouldn't have experienced any of it.
It's okay to be scared. We CAN walk with fear, into the unknown because we CAN handle it.
Let's turn our attention inside and realize that we are full of gifts and skill and one-of-a-kind qualities. People will like us and pay attention to us, not because we are the best, but because we see them and we allow ourselves to be seen.
PS. In this video I recommend the book Carry On, Warrior, you can find it here. I finished the book last night and I'm lamenting not having it for a few minutes before I go to sleep every night. Ladies, you're going to love it!
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
How to Accomplish Goals | Week 8 | Confidence Revolution
A few years ago I ran a marathon with my brother, Carlos -- a full one! 26.2, guys. It was crazy.
The thing is, I am the least athletic person YOU will EVER meet. I have trouble catching a highlighter yellow softball. So when I signed up for the marathon I knew I had my work cut out for me.
Instead of getting overwhelmed with the thought of running TWENTY SIX POINT TWO miles in a row, I broke it down into tiny increments. Tiny. For example, I would tell myself, "You only have to run to the next mail box," or "You only have to make it to the next stop sign." And somehow I always managed --because if my goals were running 100 or 200 yards at a time, it was no problem. But if my goal was running for 4.5 hours straight - I would just cry.
And since then, that's how I have approached life. Teeny tiny increments. And at every point, I congratulate myself and set the next goal. This strategy has helped me eat better, nurse my baby for a year, run a marathon, write a book, and even re-organize the kitchen!
Set a goal, break it down and let your goals craft your decision making. Sometimes we can take two steps forward and one step back, and that's okay. But sometimes we have it in us to take 2 steps forward and then 1 more step forward and then 1 more step forward.
Don't be afraid to give up the good, to go for the great. -Steve Prefontaine
Take some deep breaths and make this week count. :)
Guys - if you want to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - this gift is for you.
I made this 100% to be of service to you.
Love!
What would Kate Middleton do? | Week 7 | Confidence Revolution
What would Kate Middleton do?
Nice to see you today!
Do you wish other people would treat you better? Are you tired of that old friend or family member disrespecting you?
Today's mini lesson is one tactic that helps build standards for the way YOU treat yourself and for the ways OTHERS treat you. I didn't quite know how to do that - so today I share with you how I pulled myself out of a streak of junky relationships.
We experience the universe at the level that we are at. If we rise in thought AND in action, the universe rises to meet us. Let's make the decision to rise!
We all learn a few different ways. I am a visual and social learner - as evidenced by today's video. If you're not sure how you learn best, click here and do some exploring. This may help when you're taking on new challenges!
And don't forget we're building a library of video goodies. You can go back to them whenever you need a little life boost! Video library here. If you're on You Tube be sure to subscribe!
You are blooming into the fullness of your best self.
Do you wish other people would treat you better? Are you tired of that old friend or family member disrespecting you? Today's mini lesson is one strategy on how to build boundaries and expectations for the way YOU treat yourself and for the ways OTHERS treat you.
Would you like a ham or turkey sandwich? | Week 5 | Confidence Revolution
Is your week going alright? I hope so! I had Mexican food last night so I'm a happy camper.
Today I am sharing with you what two things you can focus on that will help you make decisions you feel good about and that you are proud of. I describe how you can build a life you LIKE and even LOVE.
When a decision is on the table, listen to your inner voice, you are wise beyond your years. Your mind and body KNOW what to do, you just have to have to get still enough to listen and have enough courage to follow through.
This is kind of turning into an online classroom, who knew? Podcast coming soon in April! Let me know what you like and love and things you're looking forward to!
And let's all say a prayer for Mr. Peyton Manning! :)
Today I am sharing with you what two things you can focus on that will help you make decisions you feel good about and that you are proud of.
Don't feed your subconcious Hot Cheetos | Week 4 | Confidence Revolution
Friends!
So far we've talked about what the #confidencerevolution is, why I'm pumped about it and why we will succeed. If you're new, welcome! Take a few minutes to watch videos 1-3 and soak in the goodness.
In this week's episode I talk about our mental chatter box and just how much power it has over us.
I also suggest a book that CHANGED my life for the better and how I think it can help you too.
With every teeny tiny modification you are changing your life for the better. I am proud of you!
If you're new, welcome! Take a few minutes to watch videos 1-3 and soak in the goodness. In this week's episode I talk about our mental chatter box and just how much power it has over us.
