Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
Powerful + Gentle | Week 44 | Confidence Revolution
In the ancient Hebrew tradition they carried two slips of paper, one in each pocket. On one piece of paper they wrote, “For my sake the world was created.” And on the other piece of paper they wrote, “I am but dust and ashes.” And each person was encouraged to carry these slips of paper in their pockets and remind themselves daily, they exist as big and small simultaneously.
For us to operate at our best we’ve got to strike the right balance between powerful and gentle, and for most of us, that’s really tough.
Here’s how I’ve learned to find the balance between powerful and gentle.
1) I have realized I am good enough to be here.
In an article a few months back I read that Charlie Strong, coach of the UT Longhorns, told his team, “If you weren’t good enough to be here, you wouldn’t be.” And I extend that sentiment to you. You ARE good enough to be here. You HAVE survived your worst ten days. You did land that job. You did graduate. You did provide for you family. You did get through that break up. You’re good enough to be here, because YOU ARE HERE.
Hello, World!
2) I have realized I wear a crown on my head.
A few times a week I read, The Crown on Your Head, to Alexandra. The book’s message is about how each of us is a child of God, and how we each have invisible, magical crowns on our heads. My favorite line is the book is, “No one’s is brighter, no one’s is duller, it’s only a crown of a different color.”
And guys, after the 1,000th time of reading that line, I started to really believe it.
For my sake the world was created. AND, for your sake, the world was created.
3.) I am part of something greater.
The other day Guapo and I were driving to pick up pizza and U2’s song, Mysterious Ways, came through the speakers. “To touch is to heal, to hurt is to steal. If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel. On your knees, boy!” And for the first time I really HEARD the lyrics.
If you want to touch the sky, you’d better learn how to kneel. Ooohhhhhh!!!!! If I want to reach great heights, I’ve got to realize I am part of something bigger, greater and maybe even unknowable. I’ve got to show humility. I’ve got to be gentle in my ways. I have got to realize, I am but dust and ashes.
As you go through your day today, remember that no one like you has ever been or ever will be. The world needs you to grow into your power and then we need you to help others do the same.
love and grace, catia
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Speak + Light the Way | Week 42 | Confidence Revolution
Zainab Salbi is an author, women's rights activist, humanitarian, social entrepreneur, and in 2002 became the founder of Women for Women International (a non-profit organization that provides support to women survivors of war.) And in 2015 she took her platform an expanded it by launching Nida’a Show, a talk show dedicated to inspire women in the Arab world. Sounds awesome, right?
Well, her story wasn’t always as bright and shiny.
In 1969 Salbi was born to Saudi Arabian to parents and when she was 11 years old her dad, Tariq, was chosen to be Saddam Hussein’s pilot. This relationship, as you can imagine, put her family in an emotionally abusive situation. But one doesn’t just leave Saddam Hussein.
After her teenage years and as Zainab became a young women, her mother began to fear for her daughter’s life (Saddam took what and who he wanted) and so her mother shipped her off to the US as part of an arranged marriage. And after three months of suffering physical and emotional abuse from her husband, with only $400 to her name, she left to start a life of her own.
But when she arrived in the US (1988) – Zainab was ashamed to tell anyone who she was. Albeit negative, she had a direct link to Saddam Hussein. For perspective, in 1988 Saddam Hussein had just begun the genocide of their countrymen who were Kurdish. He was imprisoning, torturing and murdering people – and Zainab’s dad was his pilot - which engulfed her in shame.
At some point she realized, for her own sanity, she had to tell her story and heal, and the results surprised her.
She noted how when she did, she was met with love, empathy and compassion. And that undoubtedly, each woman she told had a shame story of their own. Something that was hindering them from moving forward.
Salbi also noticed that once she and each of these women had the courage to break their silence and step out of their own shame -- that each person became like a candle – lighting the way for others – a hope giving of sorts.
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Guys, I have been writing and speaking my truth for 6 years - I have shared some doozies with you and have shared even more with those closest to me. And in 6 years of honoring my truth – I have NEVER been met with, “That’s so weird, I’ve never heard of that!” I’ve ALWAYS been met with, “Oh, really? I didn’t know you were going through that – I ALSO went through something similar,” or “My friend went through that too,” and sometimes it’s just a plain and simple, “me too.”
And after I break my silence, I feel lighter, more connected and stronger for walking through it.
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Maybe you have credit card debt and can’t afford the purse you carry, maybe you owe the bank money, maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you experienced abuse growing up, maybe you lead a life you’re not proud of and you’re afraid that when people find out who YOU REALLY ARE – that they won’t love you.
I’m here to tell you, that if they’re worth having around, they will.
I’m here to tell you that breaking your silence and sharing your story creates connection and gives hope to those who share in your pain. (Not to mention giving you hope!)
What you do with your story is a choice – and what a wonderful choice to OWN IT – to create your own ending.
love and grace, catia
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Independence is Overrated | Week 41 | Confidence Revolution
In August 2014, my Mom told me she wanted to come stay with us/help us after Alexandra was born. I puffed out my chest, told her I didn't want to "farm out" the caring of my daughter. (The audacity!) Then, after a grueling labor and a plummeting of hormones and energy -- I was DESPERATE for help. No help sounded agonizing.
For many of us, asking for help is equivalent to admitting defeat. We would rather keep struggling in silence, sinking deeper in quicksand with every passing day, than admit we can’t do something entirely on our own.
The traditional African proverb—it takes a village to raise a child—is as equally true today as it was thousands of years ago, but somehow we have lost touch with its essence. With the advent of social media and with the threat that folks can peek into our lives on a whim, we have turned into a society of thinly veiled facades: “All good over here! Don’t need a thing! Look at our portrait perfect family!” But really, we are no different from the generations that have preceded us; we are equally entangled with joy and heartache.
Many people share with me that they find purpose, joy, and meaning in helping others, but they battle accepting help themselves. Refusal of help is nothing more than pride taking a long stroll. If we enthusiastically offer help to others and show up for them, and yet we don’t accept the occasional helping hand, are we strong, or are we narcissists?
When life is bearing down on us and our instincts are to tidy up the house or go drink ourselves into oblivion—when our instinct is to numb—let’s do the thing we think we cannot do. Let’s call someone we trust and talk to them about it, cry about it, name the issue, and start to look at it. Admitting that we have hit our limit and seeking help from outside ourselves is a profound action that will rocket-launch us deeper into levels of connection with those around us.
In The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, author and internationally recognized life coach and speaker, Renee Peterson Trudeau, spurs women to create their own personal support system. She brings to light how having a support system can have a huge impact on how we experience day-to-day life. Folks with robust support systems are more effective at work and at home, keep resolutions, weather personal and professional challenges more easily, are less likely to feel isolated, and (here’s the kicker) have children who become comfortable asking for and receiving help and support from others.
In the moments when we would rather be cemented in our independence than ask for help, let’s consider personifying our pride and letting it know that Bob Marley was right—every little thing is gonna to be alright. Let’s consider not sucking it up and pushing through, but allowing love in. Just as we want to impart our love, empathy, and compassion on others, they also want the opportunity to impart those gifts on us.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humanity. When we are open to help, we are both courageous enough to recognize our own breaking point and wise enough to welcome others to help carry us through.
“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.” –Kiera Cass
I used to find pride in being INDEPENDENT at whatever cost. Now I push my pride out of the way and I find joy and ease and strength in asking for help and like my Pastor says, having WITHNESSES for the journey.
love and grace, catia