TRUST | Week 49 | Confidence Revolution

Has life thrown you any curve balls lately? ME TOO!

And one day I’ll tell you all about it – but for now – I want to say – things (poop, the unexpected, the frustrating, the devastating) happen – to all of us.

And I wish I could tell you that doing “the work,” making progress on your inner self will exempt you from pain and challenges – but it won’t. But what it does do is give you tools you need to make it through each day – and not only SURVIVE – but enjoy the experience.

And guys, ENJOYING it is what it’s ALL about.

This year you have learned how to:

Not react

find peace

choose good relationships

listen to your voice

be proud of who you are

shake off the haters

love more deeply.

and

how to enjoy life more.

You now know how to see things through!  And if you don’t have the exact tool – you know how to learn and stretch – and that’s all you ever really to know – HOW TO LEARN.

But from time to time – you’ll feel crazy, in over your head. And in those moments, I encourage you to TRUST and to sink into your faith more – to not run away from it – but to hold on tighter – KNOWING that God will bring you through.

This knowing, this trusting – is not easy – it requires both diligence and patience. And who wants to be patient?! I know….

But I have found that when I’ve done my best, and stay in my faith, AND stay in my own integrity (which means continuing to make decisions I feel good about) - that even if there is pain and inconvenience and suffering and maybe even all out disaster – I ALWAYS end up stronger, more connected and more of the woman I wanted to be.

TRUST in yourself. You are capable. You are strong. You are plenty.  

and...

TRUST in God. God is capable. God is strong. God is plenty. 

love and grace to you! 

Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution

I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.

I am all in when it comes to Glennon.

She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)

Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.

Here’s one take-away from the book:

One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”

Was helper really God’s name for women?

Glennon got mad and then she got curious.

It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.

God created woman as a WARRIOR. 

As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.

Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.

I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.

Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :)  Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.

And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.

I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.

The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.

I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.

love and grace, catia

Unspoken Truth + Weight | Week 37 | Confidence Revolution

Have you ever known what you needed to do, but didn’t want to take the steps to make it happen because you were just going along to get along? Or maybe you didn’t want to speak your truth because you didn’t want to rock the boat? Or maybe you didn’t want to say what you were thinking OUTLOUD, because God forbid, you would appear high maintenance?

Me too. 

We started our IVF journey in mid-January. I took hormones that sent my body into menopause and at the same time took hormones that made my body mature eggs at Usain Bolt speed. I administered 4 shots a day every day. I was bloated, in pain and praying for a healthy baby. I had blood draws every 2-3 days and had doctor’s appointments at the same rate, and on top of it all we were spending a boat load of money to make it all happen.

In early March we had our first embryo implant and by the end of March we learned that the baby did not take and that we were not pregnant. It was a very sad day and few weeks for our family. Were we going to have another baby?

Just about that time, God started whispering to me and I knew I was supposed to change doctors. Only changing doctors WAS NOT something that our IVF clinic responded well to. Once a doctor was assigned to you, they wanted to see it through. But I KNEW I NEEDED TO SWITCH. I knew on the next go around, we would have a healthy baby, IF I could switch who the implant doctor would be.

Afraid of appearing HIGH MAINTENANCE, I said nothing and my anxiety started to bubble up. I couldn’t quite work up the courage to ask for the switch, until one day there was a wrinkle in my original doctor’s calendar and I quickly spoke up and asked to be under the care of NEW DOCTOR.

The nurse sighed and told me that their office didn’t like it -- I pushed anyway. She said my switching doctors was going to rock the boat -- I pushed anyway.

Eventually they obliged and NEW DOCTOR implanted the next embryo and now we are 22 weeks pregnant!

I was going through ALL that, trying to bring a life into the world and I was afraid of appearing/being high maintenance!!! Who is this person that started the, Confidence Revolution anyway?! 

And as soon as I asked for what I wanted, as soon as I was true to my intuition, I felt better, lighter, RELIEVED.

There is a space where being kind and gentle to others, meets being kind and true to OURSELVES. That’s where we should aim to live. We should not forsake our truth for fear of change or disruption, instead we should aim to be so in touch with our truth and our emotions that we can quickly identify them and allow ourselves to be guided by them.

Maybe your unacknowledged truth is something small, but maybe it’s something big. Maybe you are gay and have never said it out loud, maybe you really want to be an artist and feel like you’re suffocating at your desk job. Maybe you would rather your mother-in-law not treat your children one way, but you’re afraid to speak up. Maybe you’re battling abuse or addiction and you’re afraid to say anything because saying it out loud will require change. Maybe you’re in a relationship that you know is not for you but you’re afraid of hurting the person, so you go along to get along.

All of those fears are understandable, but you can either confront the fear (the weird feeling, the awkward change) or it will sit inside you and create such a heaviness in you that your light will begin to fade and eventually go out.

When we know and speak our truth we are able to walk around unburdened, light and joyful.
And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, light and joy.

love and grace, catia

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Drag Show + Church | Week 26 | Confidence Revolution

A few days ago I was walking down the streets of NYC with my husband and sister-in-law. There was a breeze and the air was balmy. We decided to head to a jazz club but on our way we stumbled upon a church with open doors. Open doors. 

My husband asked if I'd like to go in, and I knew I did. Even standing outside of the church felt good and uplifting. The church was white stucco, and it had a small set of stairs and a garden leading into the four walls. At first glance it looked like any other church. The prayer candles were lit, wooden pews lined the center of the room, stained glass windows looked onto the parishioners.  

When we walked in, it took me few seconds to realize I was in a church whose priest had chosen to walk with outliers, just like Jesus. The Bible tells how Jesus left the 99 to go searching for the 1. Jesus left those who knew and believed in him to go searching for the one. The one who was hurt, broken and beaten. The one who had seen despair, the one who was sick, the one who needed unconditional love like a man who lives in a desert needs life giving water. 

The church, during gay pride weekend, hosted a drag show. A string of performers in drag -- sang and danced and cheered each other on. And between numbers, the priest, 5'5 and 140 lbs. soaking wet, stood in front of the congregation and told us how loved we are by God and how we are all royalty. It was beautiful and moving and I cried like a baby. It was a holy moment. 

                                        

But before I cried, my brain was short circuiting. I grew up Mexican Catholic (traditional), and for the past 4 years I have attended a Baptist church (also traditional.) So for 32 years and 360 days I have only experienced church as traditional. This was anything but traditional, it was TOTALLY outside any paradigm I had about church. 

In the moment, I knew what was happening.

It wasn't that I didn't like it, or enjoy it, it was that my brain was having to re-calibrate. "What was this?" "How was I going to be able to reconcile ALL of my 32 years and 360 days plus this new experience?" 

I cut myself some slack and knew that song by song, performer by performer, I would settle into this new more expanded version, and I did, and it was lovely. 

Guys, sometimes we get freaked out by things because they are different from what we are used to. We don't freak out because they are wrong, or bad -- simply because they are different. In those moments, cut yourself some slack and allow your brain and heart to re-calibrate and EXPAND. The more we know about others, the more beautiful they (and we) become. 

love and grace, catia

If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
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You are ENTIRELY loveable | Week 6 | Confidence Revolution

You are entirely loveable.

I know you're busy and I am so proud of you for taking time for yourself.

By participating in the #confidencerevolution YOU are bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be.

This week I bring you Tattoos on the Heart and I talk about how when I found unconditional love, it transformed me.

Unconditional love allows us to set down our armor and exist without looking over our shoulder. Unconditional love is the foundation of courage.  Unconditional love melts away who we are not and leaves us feeling safe about who are. 

When we know that we are loved unconditionally, we are set free. And unconditional love starts inside each one of us.

Oh and some great news -- you are not only loveable, you are WHOLLY loveable. How awesome is that?

This 8 minute video is information for your heart. Maybe take a short walk around your neighborhood tonight and absorb the nurturing and encouragement OR listen to it with a hot cup of coffee OR chocolate. :)  

By participating in the #confidencerevolution YOU are bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be. This week I bring you Tattoos on the Heart and I talk about how when I found unconditional love, it transformed me.