Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
What's Love Got to do With it? | Week 38 | Confidence Revolution
Meet Elizabeth. She and I have been friends since the 3rd grade and the entirety of our friendship has been built on love and laughter. It’s one of those rare friendships that has survived over multiple life seasons. We have made it through moving cities, attending different universities, different professions, marriage, children and now we live in different states – and still (thankfully) we remain.
The only time we somewhat parted ways was during our college years. In my mind’s eye, she was always on the straight and narrow. She always seemed “good,” – minding her parents, playing college sports – living in the light. I tended to push the envelope and although I didn’t think of myself as a “bad” girl – I definitely stayed out late, dated guys I wasn’t supposed to, wore skimpy clothes and gave my parents headaches.
The more time Elizabeth and I spent away from each other, the more I made her out to be “good” and me out to be “bad.” And so, I pulled away from her. I knew the standards I had for my life, were lower than the ones she had for hers, I was making decisions I wasn’t proud of and quite frankly – I didn’t want to face it. I knew that if I stood in her light, I’d have to acknowledge my decision making and maybe even have to change – and since I wasn’t ready to do that – I stayed away.
One fall day in 2007, I remember a light going off in my head and realizing WHY I had pushed her away. And so I sat down and wrote her a note on this new thing people called, Facebook. I admitted to being embarrassed and even ashamed at times of my behavior and decision making – and she met me with 100% love. (She may not even remember, but it was a big day for me.)
She didn’t tell me how I had gone astray, she offered me no advice -- she told me she was glad I had written and that she loved me. And that was that. We were back on.
And after years of sitting with her kindness, I unpacked what happened.
When I sent her a message in 2007, perhaps I was ready to start making some changes, start the process of healing (which by the way – takes TIME…so be easy on yourself….you’ll get there), and her unwavering love made me feel like I deserved to heal, like I deserved to want better for myself.
And so – even though I wasn’t sure what was happening – I started in on the hard but fulfilling work of healing from the inside out.
--
It’s easy (and frustrating) to try to force people to change, because we think we know what's best. It turns out that when we push someone, when we force them into making decisions they're not ready for -- they either end up resentful or our relationship ends up strained -- if one remains at all.
We can try to force people into changing (dieting, quitting smoking, drugs, cheating, etc.) and we may get what we want fairly quickly, but it's very likely to unravel and backfire.
Have you ever been shamed into better decision making? Me neither. I have only been LOVED into better decision making.
I only made changes in my life when I knew and felt in my bones that I deserved better.
The magic sauce is loving people so much that they believe they deserve better. It's a slow process but it builds and unshakable foundation - and don't we want that for those we so dearly love?
love and grace, catia
Jealousy | Week 20 | Confidence Revolution
I am Mexican and Mexicans are jealous and fiery, which is hysterical and entertaining, until it's not.
Growing up I saw jealousy glamorized. Hollywood (poor Hollywood) told me that "real" men and women fight for their significant other. Hollywood told me it was normal to be dramatic. Hollywood told me that there are winners and losers.
But it wasn't until I was older that I realized that Hollywood was in the business of selling,not in the business of healthy relationships. "Oh."
THEN, I started the work of undoing decades of unhealthy habit building. (I may be working for quite a while!)
Whenever I feel jealous, blood rushes to my head and I try to figure out a way to control things and then when I realize I can't control things I get crazier. Everyone hold on! I hold my breath and almost internally combust. But then after I've had some time to come down I realize, ... I'm not angry, I'm scared.
I never feel jealous when I feel good about myself - I only feel jealous when I feel like I don't measure up. I only feel jealous when I'm afraid something or someone I love will like/love something or someone else more. And that's a terrible way to feel.
Sometimes we feel jealous in our romantic relationships, or in places of work, or in our friendship circles. Sometimes we feel jealous of the "new person." And sometimes we are jealous of people who don't even know we exist. (awkward) If we let it, jealousy can creep into all sorts of areas. So, let's guard against it.
Let's boldly trust that:
1) We are lovable and valuable.
2) We have a lot to offer.
3) We are not replaceable.
Let's know that when we operate from a place of fear, the universe constricts and so do our throats and hearts. When we're fearful it's even hard to get in a full breath.
But when we operate from a place of love and security the world around us transforms into one of abundance, and who is scared when things are abundant? Not me!
There's plenty out there for you and plenty out there for me.
love and grace, catia
And if someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
#confidencerevolution here: Join Now.
Learn to speak LOVE | Week 13 | Confidence Revolution
Have you found that love comes in all shapes and sizes? There’s BIG love, spontaneous love, platonic love, fizzle out love (you know the kind), forever love, unconditional love (my favorite!) and intentional love (okay – really my favorite!) just to name a few.
And have you also found that no matter the label placed on it – you KNOW when you feel loved? It’s an undeniable sensation, you know you are welcome to be your authentic no-is-home-and-you-can-do whatever-you-want self. :)
If you're in a long term relationship with someone (a spouse, a friend, a girlfriend/boyfriend, children, family members), you have a wonderfully unique opportunity in front of you. You have the chance to GROW in love as well as GROW the love between you and the other person.
Relationships are not easy, even challenging at times, but they don’t have to be a slog. They are supposed to make us feel good! They can bring us joy, laughter and a sense of security. Relationships can even be the unwavering foundation we stand on when we look into the big bright world. But before they can be all that, they have to be tended to.
In this week’s Week 13 Confidence Revolution lesson I am introducing two books.
1) The Zimzum of Love and
2) The 5 Love Languages
Marriage is different for everyone, but for me, it is my center and so I don’t just wish it well, I invest in it. I enjoy tending to it, and these books have helped fortify my marriage.
If there’s a relationship that you’d like to strengthen, that you’d like to see flourish, that you’d like to get more out of, watch this video for some guidance.
The great news is that tailored love can be satisfying, fulfilling and uplifting. When you love someone well, you give a gift from the heavens.
You deserve to love and be loved fiercely.
love and grace, catia
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
Confidence Is... | Week 12 | Confidence Revolution
"Am I wearing the right outfit?" "I wonder what he thinks of me." "Does my coworker think I'm cool?" "Is this picture going to look good?" "What are people going to think of me when I post this photo? I hope they think I look good."
I have missed entire evenings, vacations even -- because I was so worried about LOOKING a certain way, worried about what people were thinking of me. In hind sight I think, what a shame. What a shame that I was so self absorbed that I forsook amazing experiences. But I needed to go through that to get where I am today. Growing pains, I suppose.
As I age what's really important in life becomes more clear and I move away from superficial things like appearance -- and move more toward looking at the person sitting across from me. And not only looking at them, but appreciating them for their beauty. There is so much to take in, to learn and to hear from others. God lives me and God lives in everyone else too.
Life is so much more satisfying when we look outward, connect and invite people to be their authentic selves.
Take a butterfly - adorded by many. Beautiful and graceful. But butterflies BECAME. We must be willing to crack open and change the way we exist to experience this life in all it's richness.
love and grace, catia
Funny blooper about minute 4! The show must go on. :)
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
You are ENTIRELY loveable | Week 6 | Confidence Revolution
You are entirely loveable.
I know you're busy and I am so proud of you for taking time for yourself.
By participating in the #confidencerevolution YOU are bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be.
This week I bring you Tattoos on the Heart and I talk about how when I found unconditional love, it transformed me.
Unconditional love allows us to set down our armor and exist without looking over our shoulder. Unconditional love is the foundation of courage. Unconditional love melts away who we are not and leaves us feeling safe about who are.
When we know that we are loved unconditionally, we are set free. And unconditional love starts inside each one of us.
Oh and some great news -- you are not only loveable, you are WHOLLY loveable. How awesome is that?
This 8 minute video is information for your heart. Maybe take a short walk around your neighborhood tonight and absorb the nurturing and encouragement OR listen to it with a hot cup of coffee OR chocolate. :)
By participating in the #confidencerevolution YOU are bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be. This week I bring you Tattoos on the Heart and I talk about how when I found unconditional love, it transformed me.