Trying is Contagious | Week 52 | Confidence Revolution
You have grown by leaps and bounds this year and I am so thrilled for you!
The stories you've shared with me via email are heart-warming, inspiring, and all the fuel I need to keep going.
There are so many things I'd like to share with you before I go on hiatus (guys, I have 3 weeks left until our due date but contractions started last night!)
But for now I'll say keep trying. Trying is underrated. The ONE thing that all the greats ( no matter how one defines 'the greats' ) is that they all TRIED.
The more you try, the more you will believe in yourself and then - and then this domino effect happens with those around you - and they also begin trying. It's a beautiful thing to watch unfold.
You can positively impact your life and your corner of the world - just by trying.
Enjoy today, you deserve it! Happy New Year!
love and grace, catia
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This is Embarassing | Week 50 | Confidence Revolution
My entire life I wanted to be discovered.
From a very young age I had visions of an agent plucking me out of obscurity and taking me to the big time.
Guys, I AM SO DEAD SERIOUS.
I’d go on family vacations with my folks and brothers and as early as age 9 – I’d sit by the pool with a book or walk on the beach, or laugh in just the right way ( I know – embarrassing!) so that JUST IN CASE there was a talent agent nearby – I WOULD BE READY.
I heard stories of girls getting discovered and being on rocket ships to stardom. And so I just knew that I would be able manifest the same. “Any moment now, any moment now, any….”
Radio silence…for years.
Why had those girls gotten discovered and not me?
I desperately wanted a crane to drop in, scoop me up and place me into this new “I had made it life.”
For decades I wanted this…until sometime in the last 6 months – I had a flash of wisdom – flashes come to me once in a while. ;)
My journey was not about someone discovering me, my journey was about me DISCOVERING MYSELF.
Along the way I have pushed myself and done things my skill set deemed unlikely if not impossible. Some of my favorites were: being drum major in high school (I was an okay musician– but not great), getting a master’s degree (I was naturally a B student), running a marathon (I am a terrible but determined runner), building a web site (I taught myself from scratch), and writing a book (I sat my butt down and wrote every day for 1 year).
My journey is about me discovering what I am made of. And it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been BEYOND rewarding.
If the talent agent, the crane, had come and picked me up out of obscurity – I may not have developed a sense of duty, determination and tenacity. I may not have ever pushed myself. I may not have figured out what I was capable of. I may have gotten to “the big show” and crumbled because I hadn’t built up my inner self!
If you’re out there wanting to be discovered or validated – I’m here to say – You’re the one. You’re the one who is going to have to SHOW UP. And once you’ve shown yourself that YOU CAN – no can take that away from you. No one can take away your struggles and triumphs and that unshakable sense of confidence. You can stand taller because YOU ARE.
I finally gave up wanting to be discovered – but I stayed on the yellow brick road to my discovery – and I am all the better for it. I know who I am, I know what I can do and I know what I can give – and I know that I can always figure it out.
And that’s what I want for you – I want you to know that you strong and that you can make it and that you can always figure it out.
love and grace, catia
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I Am Not Your Guru | Week 46 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever dated someone you knew was NOT THE ONE? Me too.
Remember that feeling of KNOWING YOU HAD TO DO SOMETHING, CHANGE SOMETHING, but not having the courage to rip the band aid off? Me too.
And have you noticed that that same awkward feeling comes back when you know you’re in situations you shouldn’t be in?
For some of us, the knowing manifests as a queasy feeling, for others anxiety, for others teeth grinding, for others overeating and for others, busyness. Our truth always comes out – somehow. Our minds and bodies and spirits KNOW – we have to make a change, or else.
The other day I watched, I am Not Your Guru, a film that gives the viewer an inside look on Tony Robbins and his life changing seminars.
During the seminar they focused on a lady who was having trouble in her romantic relationship and over a series of questions, Tony determined that the man she was dating was NOT THE ONE, and suggested she break up with him.
He challenged her to call and break up with him – right then and there – in front of everybody. And she did.
It was incredibly awkward to watch.
Later when asked why he urged her to do it in that very moment he said, “Most people think change happens over time, but change happens in a moment.”
He went on to explain that in order for someone to “take the leap” or “make the shift” their mind, bodies and spirits ALL have to have reach this magic THRESHOLD. And once they are all “there” it is of utmost importance that the person take advantage of the moment – because if too much time passes – the energies start to diffuse and fall further and further from threshold level.
That’s why most people think change takes time, because their energy levels flirt with “the threshold” and then diffuse, and flirt and diffuse, and they are on that continual cycle until finally (if ever) the person decides to change.
The magic is knowing when all systems have reached the threshold, and taking ACTION right at that moment.
Yet, each of us have different thresholds for how much pain we need to be in to finally make ‘the change.’ Whether the change is finishing something, starting something or changing something.
So the next time you feel like you need to -- make a change, start a blog, end a relationship, start a relationship, declare your love, change your circle of friends, eat better, stop drinking – whatever it is that is nagging you, that is looming over your head – the next time you feel fired up – know that that sense of being fired up will fade and take advantage of that moment when your mind, body and spirit are saying NOW.
Don’t suppress your feelings, make those changes, don’t waste any time.
I know you can do it, but will you?
love and grace, catia
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Strokes + Insights | Week 39 | Confidence Revolution
In 1996, Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor suffered a stroke. Because of the stroke she lost her language, her memories and ability to think about the future. She became an infant in a woman’s body. BUT -- she gained an entirely new perspective on life.
Dr. Taylor described how she lost use of half her brain, but since the other half allowed her to be connected to the present moment -- she began to feel ENERGY.
Since connecting via energy was the only way she could connect with anyone, the volume on the energy that people brought to her hospital room was turned up. She recognized when someone was brushing her off, or when they were sincerely trying to care for her – whether they made eye contact and were loving or whether they were just checking boxes (nurses, doctors, visitors, etc.)
Eventually she realized that the type of energy people brought to her room was affecting her recovery and her joy and so she made a sign that said: Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.
--
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling down or tired or bad about yourself? Those are the worst! Conversely, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling uplifted, loved, and maybe even at peace? What you are feeling is a transfer of energy.
Some people think energy/auras/juju are mumbojumbo, but I think energy is VERY REAL.
Energy is one of the ways I evaluate people and situations. I have walked into a movie theatre and walked out because the energy felt too frantic for me. And I have warmed up to people because their energy seemed warm and welcoming.
I created the Confidence Revolution so that you could stand taller and be proud of who you are, and part of that is honoring yourself by surrounding yourself with GOOD ENERGY.
You are working so hard and making so many wonderful strides, make the most of it and surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, who are going to support you and cheer you on and who you will do the same for.
That’s how it all works! When we are positive and kind and surround ourselves with the same type of people, that’s when cycles and addictions are broken, that’s when bad habits fall by the wayside and that’s when we accomplish things we never thought possible.
But WE MUST give and surround ourselves with good energy. Don’t be afraid to create firm boundaries and then do a little negative energy cleaning in your life. (Read more about boundaries here.)
You DESERVE goodness, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be uplifted. Be kind and loving and demand other people do the same for you.
love and grace, catia
Click here to watch this week's Confidence Revolution video.
Denzel Preaches | Week 35 | Confidence Revolution
I am a sports kind of gal. I love live sports, sports on television, I even love sports talk radio! There’s something about the combination of fanfare and team work that gets me every time.
The other day I watched Remember the Titans. I loved it when it debuted in 2000 and I love it still.
The movie is based on the true story of Herman Boone (portrayed by none other than Denzel Washington), trying to lead his football team to victory. Only it’s 1971 in Virginia -- and the high school Denzel works at is newly integrated racially.
Denzel (he’s my friend, we’re on a first name basis) tries to come up with ways to get his team to integrate on a deeper level. He wants them to play football not only with each other but for each other.
Half-way through the film the football teams goes on a workout retreat and as part of the retreat, they are loudly awakened and tasked with running miles and miles through dense woods.
The football players have not yet become a TEAM, and so they are tense, pissed, tired, hungry and overall unpleasant. They go on this run through the woods and they are grumbling while they dodge boulders and trees. They are running before the sun has risen and so they are particularly bothered -- and after miles and miles of running, their coach (who has been leading the run) stops as he sees an open field.
Fog hovers over the ground and Denzel addresses his team while they are crouched over huffing and puffing.
“Anybody know what this place is? This is Gettysburg. This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we're still fighting amongst ourselves.....today. This green field right here was painted red, bubbling with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. 'I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family.' Listen and take a lesson from the dead.
If we don't come together right now, on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed just like they were.”
That’s where we are in America and maybe the world. We are inundated with fear through all forms of media, it’s no wonder the chasm is widening between certain religions and races.
During that same retreat the movie highlights the two pack leaders of the football team, Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell. Gerry (white) is the team captain and he is aggravated that Julius (black) although immensely talented is not giving his all during team practices. Gerry reaches his tipping point and confronts Julius about it.
Julius, sharing in Gerry’s aggravation aggressively asks, “The captain is supposed to be the leader, right?” Julius points out how some of the white members of the team have also been slacking and how Gerry hasn’t done a damn thing about it. Then Julius says to Gerry, “Attitude reflects leadership, Captain.”
Mic drop.
Guys and gals, if we want the world to change, WE, YOU and I, have to push. WE can move the needle forward by changing the way we operate. However good and loving and progressive we think we are, we can always do a little more to be loving and inclusive.
We can’t just tell our children (and younger generations) what to do, we have to SHOW them through our ACTIONS.
Attitude reflects leadership and WE are the leaders.
love and grace, catia
What to do when you fall | Week 34 | Confidence Revolution
A few months ago I applied to be a TEDx speaker. This particular TEDx event was going to be held in my hometown. I didn’t think I was a shoe in, but I absolutely thought I had a good shot at it. I applied as a writer and motivational speaker. I have been writing for 6 years now, and even have a book, The Courage to Become, coming out in December, I thought, I have to have a good chance! Guys, I even know one of the organizers! How sweet it was going to be, me on a TEDx stage!
Well…one week went by, crickets. Two weeks went by, nothing. Three months went by, goose egg.
No call back, no stock rejection letter, nothing. Nothing at all!!!
I had failed. Right?
Maybe.
I’m currently listening to the book, Rising Strong, by Dr. Brene Brown. The premise of the book is, when we are in the arena of life and we are trying, the question is not if we will fall, but when. And when we do fall, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, what is the story we tell ourselves.
Dr. Brown found that the determining factor for how quick people recovered was the type of stories they told themselves when they realized they had “failed.”
For example, let’s say, someone is applying for a promotion within their department. Let’s say they apply and a month goes by without a call back. Some people may tell themselves stories like, “they never liked me anyway,” or “I’d better start looking for another job now,” or “I’ll show them just how much they need me!” While others tell themselves stories like, “Maybe my application got lost,” or “maybe the person reviewing the applications is backlogged with work,” or “maybe they are waiting to promote me next month so they can also give me a raise!”
Brown continues to teach that the more optimistic person tells themselves positive things but also garners up the courage to confront the situation. They may bring it to their superiors’ attention or they may address it head on, “Hi, I was just wondering if you knew I applied and if there’s anything I can do help the process along,” or “Hi, I’m feeling unsure right now about my job performance since I haven’t received a call back.” All of those take GUTS to say!!!! But we can do hard things.
The key determining factor between the time we fall and the time we rise is the kind of story we tell ourselves when we are face down. The stories we create can be harmful or helpful. And the amazing part is that WE GET TO CHOOSE! We are in total control.
So -- did I tell myself that I suck and I’m never going to be on big public speaking stage? No way! Did I tell myself that I should have tried harder or that I’m not good enough? No way! When I realized I hadn’t been chosen, I told myself that maybe I needed a little more experience, that maybe they had too many women on the ticket and they needed more men. I told myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to address my hometown. And then, I let it go. I let it go and I went back to work.
I didn’t fail. I fell.
When you realize you have fallen:
· Tell yourself a positive message, and repeat it yourself.
· Ask for clarity. Maybe, just maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Tell the person how you are feeling.
· Tell yourself you can handle it, get up, rise strong, and get back to living your purpose.
love and grace, catia
Watch Shame Wither | Week 29 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown breaks down vulnerability and shame.
Guilt is: “I feel bad.”
Shame is: “I am bad.”
She notes that guilt is helpful. Guilt keeps us inside the lines. Guilt keeps us from making poor choices.
But shame, shame is an entirely different animal.
Shame in essence -- is feeling unworthy of love and belonging. Shame gremlins as Dr. Brown refers to them, come out to taunt us when we are feeling down and out, when we are embarrassed, when we think we are alone. The shame gremlins (could also be referred to as the negative tapes in our heads) tell us that no one has ever messed up this bad, they tell us that if our friends found out who we really were they wouldn’t like us anymore. Shame gremlins tell us that we’d better keep our points of embarrassment to ourselves, OR ELSE. Shame tells us to suppress “it” and never speak of it.
Dr. Brown tells us that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgement. And that the antidote to shame is sharing and connection.
Shame is just a bully.
Shame cannot stand the light of day.
Shame withers in connection.
We can feel shame for things done to us and we can also feel shame for things we have done. We can feel shame for growing up in poverty, for growing up in a broken home, for being abused, for being broken up with. And we can also feel shame for not graduating high school, for being unable to manage our weight, or for cheating on someone.
Shame comes to us one and all, whether it seems justified or not. And what may be one person’s shame, another may not give the time of day. But shame is shame, no need to compare and contrast.
"Does shame live in us forever?" If we let it, it can. And if we don't address it, shame has a physical effect on our bodies. We are integrated beings, our minds and bodies and hearts are connected. And when one system goes down, our emotions for example, it sends our other systems into a downward spiral also. Our bodies have to DO SOMETHING with shame and so they create inflammation. Shame creates inflammation in our bodies, the root of most diseases.
Shame makes us feel like the pits and has a detrimental effect on our bodies, so should we get rid of it? YES. KICK IT THE CURB.
Here’s how:
Find someone you trust – someone who has earned the right to hear your story – and then sit down with them or call them and say, “I need your help. I’ve been struggling with __________, and it’s weighing me down.” Tell them how you feel, open up to them. Admit to your struggle.
Sometimes we are scared to share, because friends and family will know we aren’t perfect. But, you are generous with your love, why wouldn’t others be generous with their love toward you?
The more we share, the more we remove our social media best, the more we live in our truth, the greater connection we will feel to those around us – and the more shame will melt away.
After 6 years of writing and receiving emails from readers, the one thing I know for sure is, we are not alone -- we are all in this together.
love and grace, catia
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With them and For them | Week 28 | Confidence Revolution
A few weeks ago I watched, The Intern. It’s a cute movie where Robert De Niro plays Anne Hathaway’s intern. Anne Hathaway (Jules is her character’s name) creates a successful online clothing shop and through a turn of events Robert De Niro lands the job as her intern. Wouldn’t that be nice?!
Over the course of the movie they develop a mentor/mentee relationship where Mr. De Niro supports and coaches Anne. One day Anne is in a tough spot as she has a work meeting but also wants to take her daughter to a friend’s birthday party. Wishing she could clone herself (sign me up!) but knowing she can’t, Anne asks Mr. De Niro to take her 5 year old daughter to her schoolmate’s birthday party.
At the party a group of moms snicker and sneer as they figure out Anne is working (again) and sent her intern to cover. Mr. De Niro sits next to the snickering moms and says, “You must be so proud of Jules, one of your own, getting out there, stretching, doing her thing!” With so much pride and enthusiasm he says, “You must be so proud of her!” As only Mr. De Niro can do because he was really telling them to shove it and putting them in their place.
Does anybody out there want Mr. De Niro on their side? I do!
Have you ever heard someone say, “She’s great, but if she could make it to our weekly bible study, she would be better,” or “He’s awesome, but he doesn’t cook, and he’s always at work meetings,” or “ I just love her, but she never picks up her kids from school, the nanny does.”
Sometimes folks have this way of complementing someone and then slicing them with a shank on their way out of the conversation. Folks feel the need to qualify their praise. “I like her, BUT.” “She’s nice, BUT.” “He’s great, BUT did you hear about what happened to him 7 years ago?” It’s like they’re afraid to throw all their supportive eggs in one basket.
What would happen if we supported one another ALL the way? How would that change the fabric of our conversations, our lives?
Have you ever been so supported by someone without strings attached? It is a MAGNIFICENTLY HOLY.
It takes a special kind of person to support family and friends without agenda, and guess what? Good news!!! YOU ARE THAT PERSON. YOU have the ability to support without any BUTS attached.
You are equipped to be Robert De Niro! :)
Tips for helping you to support and love without strings attached:
*Know that everyone is allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.
*Know that it’s a hard world out there and people are trying their best.
*Know that your open heart and holy love will change the world.
*Know that when people know you are with them and for them, well, there is no greater gift to give.
love and grace, catia
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Facebook Stalking | Week 24 | Confidence Revoltuion
This week's CR video is about why we Facebook stalk people and what we can do (tell ourselves) when we find ourselves down the FB rabbit hole at midnight while eating Oreos. And also how I hope FB never creates an algorithm to prove FB stalking - because then a lot of us are going straight to the clink. :)
love and grace, catia
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Courage and Vulnerability | Week 21 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly Dr. Brene Brown notes that the word vulnerable comes from the Latin “vulnerare,” meaning to wound. Being vulnerable literally means that you are opening yourself up to be wounded. But why would we want to do that?
BECAUSE…that sense of openness is the crux of all things magnificent and deeply moving. Walking with vulnerability is the only way to get from where we are to where we most want to be.
Brown notes how we love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. Fearing that our truth isn’t enough.
Yet how many times have you read a blog post or book nodding the entire time, heart welling up with a feeling of acceptance, and belonging, realizing that you are not alone. Or how relieved have you been when a friend shares her own shortcomings or seeming failures that mirror your own?
Dr. Brown goes on to say in Daring Greatly that our ultimate struggle is wanting to experience someone’s vulnerability yet not wanting to be vulnerable ourselves.
If you are afraid to open yourself up to being vulnerable, you are denying yourself the fullness of the shared human existence and ultimately the feeling of belonging. Being vulnerable and sharing your entire self, --shortcomings and failures and all -- is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.
How many times in your life have you not really given something your best because you needed an excuse just in case you failed? Well, I really didn’t try my hardest. So I really didn’t fail. We are so intensely afraid to lose, only that the winning and losing paradigm is an illusion. The question should not be, “Did you win or lose?” The question should be, “What did you try?” Winning and losing creates a sort of stagnation, while an attitude of trying creates a life of growth and movement and heightened aliveness.
Say sayonara to the idea of winning and welcome a trying mentality. Instead of fearing vulnerability, practice daring greatly. If you want to feel deep love, exuberant joy, electricity running through your veins, life saving grace and a true connection with those around you, let yourself be fully seen.
love and grace, catia
Questions to ponder:
-What makes you feel vulnerable?
-How do you feel about the idea that trying is more important than winning or losing
Jealousy | Week 20 | Confidence Revolution
I am Mexican and Mexicans are jealous and fiery, which is hysterical and entertaining, until it's not.
Growing up I saw jealousy glamorized. Hollywood (poor Hollywood) told me that "real" men and women fight for their significant other. Hollywood told me it was normal to be dramatic. Hollywood told me that there are winners and losers.
But it wasn't until I was older that I realized that Hollywood was in the business of selling,not in the business of healthy relationships. "Oh."
THEN, I started the work of undoing decades of unhealthy habit building. (I may be working for quite a while!)
Whenever I feel jealous, blood rushes to my head and I try to figure out a way to control things and then when I realize I can't control things I get crazier. Everyone hold on! I hold my breath and almost internally combust. But then after I've had some time to come down I realize, ... I'm not angry, I'm scared.
I never feel jealous when I feel good about myself - I only feel jealous when I feel like I don't measure up. I only feel jealous when I'm afraid something or someone I love will like/love something or someone else more. And that's a terrible way to feel.
Sometimes we feel jealous in our romantic relationships, or in places of work, or in our friendship circles. Sometimes we feel jealous of the "new person." And sometimes we are jealous of people who don't even know we exist. (awkward) If we let it, jealousy can creep into all sorts of areas. So, let's guard against it.
Let's boldly trust that:
1) We are lovable and valuable.
2) We have a lot to offer.
3) We are not replaceable.
Let's know that when we operate from a place of fear, the universe constricts and so do our throats and hearts. When we're fearful it's even hard to get in a full breath.
But when we operate from a place of love and security the world around us transforms into one of abundance, and who is scared when things are abundant? Not me!
There's plenty out there for you and plenty out there for me.
love and grace, catia
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3 Tips To Boost Daily Confidence | Week 17 | Confidence Revolution
3 Tips To Boost Daily Confidence | Week 17 | Confidence Revolution
I heard Simon Cowell (one of the original American Idol judges and a legendary music producer) tell a story about how new talent would walk into his production office and they'd hand over a demo tape. The fact that they were with Simon Cowell meant they had already paid some dues. And Mr. Cowell would listen to the demo and if he liked it he'd say, "Sounds great. Keep working on it for ten or twenty years and come back to me." Knowing that 10 or 20 years of constant effort would make them masters at their craft.
Most times the talent would pick their jaw up off the floor and leave huffing and puffing. "10 or 20 years!"
But Mr. Cowell knew what a lot of us have either forgotten or have never been taught. Progress takes time, and mastery takes even more time. Over night wonders are few and far between and don't usually stand the test of time.
Typing, making a cup of coffee, brushing your teeth -- you've been practicing those things for A LONG TIME -- and so you don't have to think about them, but you're good at them.
If you're just starting to focus on being more loving, compassionate and maybe even more patient, realize it's going to take some time, effort and thought. But don't let that scare you! With every good decision you make for your life, you are lifting the lives of those around you. [share on Twitter] Honoring yourself is the gift that keeps on giving. [share on Twitter]
What Mr. Cowell left out was that the joy is in the growing, learning and stretching. Why rush through it? THROUGH IT is where the magic happens.
Here are three things that will help you walk THROUGH IT joyfully and over time, will make you a master at crafting a life you ENJOY.
Guys, in this video, I attempt to do the nae nae ( I had to Google how to spell that.)
joy and hope, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
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AND...Stayed tuned for launch parties for, What Nobody Tells You About Love, (my first book!) coming to bookstores, audio book, Amazon and all those great places December 2016. Join the party invite list here!