This is Embarassing | Week 50 | Confidence Revolution
My entire life I wanted to be discovered.
From a very young age I had visions of an agent plucking me out of obscurity and taking me to the big time.
Guys, I AM SO DEAD SERIOUS.
I’d go on family vacations with my folks and brothers and as early as age 9 – I’d sit by the pool with a book or walk on the beach, or laugh in just the right way ( I know – embarrassing!) so that JUST IN CASE there was a talent agent nearby – I WOULD BE READY.
I heard stories of girls getting discovered and being on rocket ships to stardom. And so I just knew that I would be able manifest the same. “Any moment now, any moment now, any….”
Radio silence…for years.
Why had those girls gotten discovered and not me?
I desperately wanted a crane to drop in, scoop me up and place me into this new “I had made it life.”
For decades I wanted this…until sometime in the last 6 months – I had a flash of wisdom – flashes come to me once in a while. ;)
My journey was not about someone discovering me, my journey was about me DISCOVERING MYSELF.
Along the way I have pushed myself and done things my skill set deemed unlikely if not impossible. Some of my favorites were: being drum major in high school (I was an okay musician– but not great), getting a master’s degree (I was naturally a B student), running a marathon (I am a terrible but determined runner), building a web site (I taught myself from scratch), and writing a book (I sat my butt down and wrote every day for 1 year).
My journey is about me discovering what I am made of. And it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been BEYOND rewarding.
If the talent agent, the crane, had come and picked me up out of obscurity – I may not have developed a sense of duty, determination and tenacity. I may not have ever pushed myself. I may not have figured out what I was capable of. I may have gotten to “the big show” and crumbled because I hadn’t built up my inner self!
If you’re out there wanting to be discovered or validated – I’m here to say – You’re the one. You’re the one who is going to have to SHOW UP. And once you’ve shown yourself that YOU CAN – no can take that away from you. No one can take away your struggles and triumphs and that unshakable sense of confidence. You can stand taller because YOU ARE.
I finally gave up wanting to be discovered – but I stayed on the yellow brick road to my discovery – and I am all the better for it. I know who I am, I know what I can do and I know what I can give – and I know that I can always figure it out.
And that’s what I want for you – I want you to know that you strong and that you can make it and that you can always figure it out.
love and grace, catia
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I am Grateful for You | Week 47 | Confidence Revolution
In anticipation of mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and football - and in anticipation of welcoming our friends and family, we are all reminded that this is the season of thanks.
I wanted to squeeze in a moment to make sure you know that I am filled with thanks for you.
You have shown me that fellowship makes us stronger. Individually we are like single pieces of reed, strong but presented with some limitations.
But when we come together, when we are woven together, when our stories and hearts support one another, we become stronger and are able to carry more.
Our sum is greater than our parts.
I give you thanks from the bottom of my heart for walking with me this year. Know that there is something in you that motivates me to keep reaching. It’s because of you that I have inched closer to the woman I want to be.
My prayer is that the good Lord continues to bless us all and that our spirits be open enough to recognize it.
Feliz dia de Gracias!
love and grace, catia
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I Am Not Your Guru | Week 46 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever dated someone you knew was NOT THE ONE? Me too.
Remember that feeling of KNOWING YOU HAD TO DO SOMETHING, CHANGE SOMETHING, but not having the courage to rip the band aid off? Me too.
And have you noticed that that same awkward feeling comes back when you know you’re in situations you shouldn’t be in?
For some of us, the knowing manifests as a queasy feeling, for others anxiety, for others teeth grinding, for others overeating and for others, busyness. Our truth always comes out – somehow. Our minds and bodies and spirits KNOW – we have to make a change, or else.
The other day I watched, I am Not Your Guru, a film that gives the viewer an inside look on Tony Robbins and his life changing seminars.
During the seminar they focused on a lady who was having trouble in her romantic relationship and over a series of questions, Tony determined that the man she was dating was NOT THE ONE, and suggested she break up with him.
He challenged her to call and break up with him – right then and there – in front of everybody. And she did.
It was incredibly awkward to watch.
Later when asked why he urged her to do it in that very moment he said, “Most people think change happens over time, but change happens in a moment.”
He went on to explain that in order for someone to “take the leap” or “make the shift” their mind, bodies and spirits ALL have to have reach this magic THRESHOLD. And once they are all “there” it is of utmost importance that the person take advantage of the moment – because if too much time passes – the energies start to diffuse and fall further and further from threshold level.
That’s why most people think change takes time, because their energy levels flirt with “the threshold” and then diffuse, and flirt and diffuse, and they are on that continual cycle until finally (if ever) the person decides to change.
The magic is knowing when all systems have reached the threshold, and taking ACTION right at that moment.
Yet, each of us have different thresholds for how much pain we need to be in to finally make ‘the change.’ Whether the change is finishing something, starting something or changing something.
So the next time you feel like you need to -- make a change, start a blog, end a relationship, start a relationship, declare your love, change your circle of friends, eat better, stop drinking – whatever it is that is nagging you, that is looming over your head – the next time you feel fired up – know that that sense of being fired up will fade and take advantage of that moment when your mind, body and spirit are saying NOW.
Don’t suppress your feelings, make those changes, don’t waste any time.
I know you can do it, but will you?
love and grace, catia
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Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
How to Get People to Change | Week 43 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever tried to get your girlfriend so stop dating the ‘bad guy,’ or have you ever tried to get your co-worker to do it the ‘right way?’ Maybe you’ve tried coerce your husband into going to church -- or maybe you’ve tried to convince your Aunt to vote for the RIGHT candidate. (ha!)
Trying to get people to change is the worst. But why?
You have ALL the answers. You are a #confidencerevolution champion! You know how to be vulnerable, how to create boundaries, how to love fiercely, and on and on. Don’t your friends and family know just how much you can help them?
Trying to force people to change has been a weakness of mine for a long time. I come from a good place, but sometimes I’m also kind of bossy. Shocker! ( I'm a work in progress.)
When I'm having a tough time, these are the things I remind myself of:
- Live in joy
- Be a good example
- Love them
- I have to live what I believe, not just talk the talk
- Remember that everyone gets ‘there’ in their own time, if they get ‘there’ at all.
- My path is not for everyone
The reason we get so excited about new information we’ve learned or a new way of thinking is because it worked for us. It helped us. It bettered us.
And we want those we love to also experience this goodness. BUT we have to remind ourselves that we don’t control their behavior – the most we can control is the way we live our life and hope that the byproducts of our new found ways (joy, peace, love) are enough to pique curiosity and maybe even ignite a spark of change.
So rest easy, living in your fullness and your joy is all the convincing people need.
love and grace, catia
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Independence is Overrated | Week 41 | Confidence Revolution
In August 2014, my Mom told me she wanted to come stay with us/help us after Alexandra was born. I puffed out my chest, told her I didn't want to "farm out" the caring of my daughter. (The audacity!) Then, after a grueling labor and a plummeting of hormones and energy -- I was DESPERATE for help. No help sounded agonizing.
For many of us, asking for help is equivalent to admitting defeat. We would rather keep struggling in silence, sinking deeper in quicksand with every passing day, than admit we can’t do something entirely on our own.
The traditional African proverb—it takes a village to raise a child—is as equally true today as it was thousands of years ago, but somehow we have lost touch with its essence. With the advent of social media and with the threat that folks can peek into our lives on a whim, we have turned into a society of thinly veiled facades: “All good over here! Don’t need a thing! Look at our portrait perfect family!” But really, we are no different from the generations that have preceded us; we are equally entangled with joy and heartache.
Many people share with me that they find purpose, joy, and meaning in helping others, but they battle accepting help themselves. Refusal of help is nothing more than pride taking a long stroll. If we enthusiastically offer help to others and show up for them, and yet we don’t accept the occasional helping hand, are we strong, or are we narcissists?
When life is bearing down on us and our instincts are to tidy up the house or go drink ourselves into oblivion—when our instinct is to numb—let’s do the thing we think we cannot do. Let’s call someone we trust and talk to them about it, cry about it, name the issue, and start to look at it. Admitting that we have hit our limit and seeking help from outside ourselves is a profound action that will rocket-launch us deeper into levels of connection with those around us.
In The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, author and internationally recognized life coach and speaker, Renee Peterson Trudeau, spurs women to create their own personal support system. She brings to light how having a support system can have a huge impact on how we experience day-to-day life. Folks with robust support systems are more effective at work and at home, keep resolutions, weather personal and professional challenges more easily, are less likely to feel isolated, and (here’s the kicker) have children who become comfortable asking for and receiving help and support from others.
In the moments when we would rather be cemented in our independence than ask for help, let’s consider personifying our pride and letting it know that Bob Marley was right—every little thing is gonna to be alright. Let’s consider not sucking it up and pushing through, but allowing love in. Just as we want to impart our love, empathy, and compassion on others, they also want the opportunity to impart those gifts on us.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humanity. When we are open to help, we are both courageous enough to recognize our own breaking point and wise enough to welcome others to help carry us through.
“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.” –Kiera Cass
I used to find pride in being INDEPENDENT at whatever cost. Now I push my pride out of the way and I find joy and ease and strength in asking for help and like my Pastor says, having WITHNESSES for the journey.
love and grace, catia
What's Love Got to do With it? | Week 38 | Confidence Revolution
Meet Elizabeth. She and I have been friends since the 3rd grade and the entirety of our friendship has been built on love and laughter. It’s one of those rare friendships that has survived over multiple life seasons. We have made it through moving cities, attending different universities, different professions, marriage, children and now we live in different states – and still (thankfully) we remain.
The only time we somewhat parted ways was during our college years. In my mind’s eye, she was always on the straight and narrow. She always seemed “good,” – minding her parents, playing college sports – living in the light. I tended to push the envelope and although I didn’t think of myself as a “bad” girl – I definitely stayed out late, dated guys I wasn’t supposed to, wore skimpy clothes and gave my parents headaches.
The more time Elizabeth and I spent away from each other, the more I made her out to be “good” and me out to be “bad.” And so, I pulled away from her. I knew the standards I had for my life, were lower than the ones she had for hers, I was making decisions I wasn’t proud of and quite frankly – I didn’t want to face it. I knew that if I stood in her light, I’d have to acknowledge my decision making and maybe even have to change – and since I wasn’t ready to do that – I stayed away.
One fall day in 2007, I remember a light going off in my head and realizing WHY I had pushed her away. And so I sat down and wrote her a note on this new thing people called, Facebook. I admitted to being embarrassed and even ashamed at times of my behavior and decision making – and she met me with 100% love. (She may not even remember, but it was a big day for me.)
She didn’t tell me how I had gone astray, she offered me no advice -- she told me she was glad I had written and that she loved me. And that was that. We were back on.
And after years of sitting with her kindness, I unpacked what happened.
When I sent her a message in 2007, perhaps I was ready to start making some changes, start the process of healing (which by the way – takes TIME…so be easy on yourself….you’ll get there), and her unwavering love made me feel like I deserved to heal, like I deserved to want better for myself.
And so – even though I wasn’t sure what was happening – I started in on the hard but fulfilling work of healing from the inside out.
--
It’s easy (and frustrating) to try to force people to change, because we think we know what's best. It turns out that when we push someone, when we force them into making decisions they're not ready for -- they either end up resentful or our relationship ends up strained -- if one remains at all.
We can try to force people into changing (dieting, quitting smoking, drugs, cheating, etc.) and we may get what we want fairly quickly, but it's very likely to unravel and backfire.
Have you ever been shamed into better decision making? Me neither. I have only been LOVED into better decision making.
I only made changes in my life when I knew and felt in my bones that I deserved better.
The magic sauce is loving people so much that they believe they deserve better. It's a slow process but it builds and unshakable foundation - and don't we want that for those we so dearly love?
love and grace, catia
Denzel Preaches | Week 35 | Confidence Revolution
I am a sports kind of gal. I love live sports, sports on television, I even love sports talk radio! There’s something about the combination of fanfare and team work that gets me every time.
The other day I watched Remember the Titans. I loved it when it debuted in 2000 and I love it still.
The movie is based on the true story of Herman Boone (portrayed by none other than Denzel Washington), trying to lead his football team to victory. Only it’s 1971 in Virginia -- and the high school Denzel works at is newly integrated racially.
Denzel (he’s my friend, we’re on a first name basis) tries to come up with ways to get his team to integrate on a deeper level. He wants them to play football not only with each other but for each other.
Half-way through the film the football teams goes on a workout retreat and as part of the retreat, they are loudly awakened and tasked with running miles and miles through dense woods.
The football players have not yet become a TEAM, and so they are tense, pissed, tired, hungry and overall unpleasant. They go on this run through the woods and they are grumbling while they dodge boulders and trees. They are running before the sun has risen and so they are particularly bothered -- and after miles and miles of running, their coach (who has been leading the run) stops as he sees an open field.
Fog hovers over the ground and Denzel addresses his team while they are crouched over huffing and puffing.
“Anybody know what this place is? This is Gettysburg. This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we're still fighting amongst ourselves.....today. This green field right here was painted red, bubbling with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. 'I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family.' Listen and take a lesson from the dead.
If we don't come together right now, on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed just like they were.”
That’s where we are in America and maybe the world. We are inundated with fear through all forms of media, it’s no wonder the chasm is widening between certain religions and races.
During that same retreat the movie highlights the two pack leaders of the football team, Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell. Gerry (white) is the team captain and he is aggravated that Julius (black) although immensely talented is not giving his all during team practices. Gerry reaches his tipping point and confronts Julius about it.
Julius, sharing in Gerry’s aggravation aggressively asks, “The captain is supposed to be the leader, right?” Julius points out how some of the white members of the team have also been slacking and how Gerry hasn’t done a damn thing about it. Then Julius says to Gerry, “Attitude reflects leadership, Captain.”
Mic drop.
Guys and gals, if we want the world to change, WE, YOU and I, have to push. WE can move the needle forward by changing the way we operate. However good and loving and progressive we think we are, we can always do a little more to be loving and inclusive.
We can’t just tell our children (and younger generations) what to do, we have to SHOW them through our ACTIONS.
Attitude reflects leadership and WE are the leaders.
love and grace, catia
What to do when you fall | Week 34 | Confidence Revolution
A few months ago I applied to be a TEDx speaker. This particular TEDx event was going to be held in my hometown. I didn’t think I was a shoe in, but I absolutely thought I had a good shot at it. I applied as a writer and motivational speaker. I have been writing for 6 years now, and even have a book, The Courage to Become, coming out in December, I thought, I have to have a good chance! Guys, I even know one of the organizers! How sweet it was going to be, me on a TEDx stage!
Well…one week went by, crickets. Two weeks went by, nothing. Three months went by, goose egg.
No call back, no stock rejection letter, nothing. Nothing at all!!!
I had failed. Right?
Maybe.
I’m currently listening to the book, Rising Strong, by Dr. Brene Brown. The premise of the book is, when we are in the arena of life and we are trying, the question is not if we will fall, but when. And when we do fall, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, what is the story we tell ourselves.
Dr. Brown found that the determining factor for how quick people recovered was the type of stories they told themselves when they realized they had “failed.”
For example, let’s say, someone is applying for a promotion within their department. Let’s say they apply and a month goes by without a call back. Some people may tell themselves stories like, “they never liked me anyway,” or “I’d better start looking for another job now,” or “I’ll show them just how much they need me!” While others tell themselves stories like, “Maybe my application got lost,” or “maybe the person reviewing the applications is backlogged with work,” or “maybe they are waiting to promote me next month so they can also give me a raise!”
Brown continues to teach that the more optimistic person tells themselves positive things but also garners up the courage to confront the situation. They may bring it to their superiors’ attention or they may address it head on, “Hi, I was just wondering if you knew I applied and if there’s anything I can do help the process along,” or “Hi, I’m feeling unsure right now about my job performance since I haven’t received a call back.” All of those take GUTS to say!!!! But we can do hard things.
The key determining factor between the time we fall and the time we rise is the kind of story we tell ourselves when we are face down. The stories we create can be harmful or helpful. And the amazing part is that WE GET TO CHOOSE! We are in total control.
So -- did I tell myself that I suck and I’m never going to be on big public speaking stage? No way! Did I tell myself that I should have tried harder or that I’m not good enough? No way! When I realized I hadn’t been chosen, I told myself that maybe I needed a little more experience, that maybe they had too many women on the ticket and they needed more men. I told myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to address my hometown. And then, I let it go. I let it go and I went back to work.
I didn’t fail. I fell.
When you realize you have fallen:
· Tell yourself a positive message, and repeat it yourself.
· Ask for clarity. Maybe, just maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Tell the person how you are feeling.
· Tell yourself you can handle it, get up, rise strong, and get back to living your purpose.
love and grace, catia
Time-outs and Horoscopes | Week 30 | Confidence Revolution
A few weeks ago we implemented time-out because Alexandra is going through a hitting phase.
It has been tough. When she gets angry and she’s not getting what she wants, she swats (mostly at me.) Some days she swats and flails all over the place and since she is a strong young lady, sometimes I feel like I’m actually dodging her. Strange.
We have a mat that we sit her on for 2 minutes when she’s in time-out. Most times we have to battle her to stay on it, what can I say, it’s a work in progress. And after every time-out session I give her a hug and ask her to sit down next to me.
“Let’s have a conversation,” I say as I pat the floor.
She sits next to me and I remind her that she gets to choose. I will never put her in time-out willy nilly. The only reason she experiences time-out is because SHE made the decision to get there. I remind her that she gets to control her decision making and that each decision will render good and bad consequences. EVERY SINGLE DECISION.
Maybe you’re thinking, “She’s only 2, she can’t possibly understand.” Maybe you’re right, but I’m betting she can.
I remind her that her Papa and I love her and I ask her, “Do we hit in this family?” She always shakes her head no. And then I ask her if she’s going to hit again, and she mumbles, “No ma’am.” We hug and kiss and we each go on our way.
I do this EVERY TIME I put her in time-out, which is about twice a day now. And through the day, I try to remind her, about consequences, both good and bad.
And in the last few weeks, something magical has happened, I have started making better decisions. I have started being more kind and more understanding. I have been able to stay between the lines, even when I have really wanted to go outside of them. Funny how this parenting thing works!
A few weeks ago I read my horoscope and it noted how we are shaped by the things we do, AND ALSO by things we were going to do and though better of, but didn’t.
You see, we get credit for what we do, but it’s the things that we don’t do – the phone call we DON’T make in anger, the finger we DON’T flip in road rage, the attitude we DON’T give our boss, the detail we DON’T point out to prove we were right, the piece of trash we DON’T throw on the ground just because no one is looking- that form the foundation of our character.
I saw this movie some time ago, The Counselor, part of the movie has stuck with me ever since. One of the main characters says,
The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you made is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You are now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing there. There's only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago…
When we’re two, we have an excuse for not knowing better, maybe even when we’re 10 and 12 and even 20. But at some point we’ll wake up and realize we are the product of ALL the decisions we have made.
Friend, part of being confident is taking responsibility for your life and the way it plays out. Today, stand tall, reach down deep and make decisions that you are proud of. Start by being respectful of yourself and others, and the rest will fall into place.
love and grace, catia
Racism + Revenge | Week 27 | Confidence Revolution
I grew up in a predominantly Mexican town and so there -- I was the majority. Everyone could say my name, Cah-thee-yah. And it took me getting out of my hometown and going to college to see and feel racism.
Maybe it’s because I am one, but I have always had a soft spot in my heart for minorities, in whatever form they come. Everyone is welcome for pancakes at my house.
About a month ago, I started hearing rave reviews about Ezra Edelman’s 8 hour ESPN documentary, OJ: Made in America and so I recorded it and watched about half. It was about much more than the OJ Simpson case. It was about the dynamics of race, police behavior, expectation, the theater of the court system, and media relations in the US leading up to and during the early 1990s. Riveting is an understatement. I mean, I am a busy woman and I found FIVE hours to dedicate to it.
The film stirred something inside of me and made me want know more about what racism ACTUALLY feels like.
A few days after I wrapped up the OJ documentary our friend came over for dinner. He’s intelligent, accomplished, kind, a great conversationalist, and he’s also African-American. We got to talking about politics and graduate school and then we got to talking about race.
And after 13 years of have an outsider’s perspective on racism toward folks who are black, I garnered the courage to ask. “What does racism feel like to you?” “How does it manifest?” “Tell me about it.” I sat and listened with curiosity and a barrel full of empathy. It was not easy to hear his answers, but they were true and they brought us closer together.
We can theorize and hypothesize about what others are going through OR we can actually ask and listen. Yes, it will be uncomfortable. Yes, it will be weird. But it will enlighten us and it will close the divide.
Revenge
One of the OJ jurors said she voted ‘not guilty’ as pay back for what Rodney King had gone through years previous. She said, “Now you know how it feels,” implying she inflicted hurt on the white community because of the hurt they inflicted on Rodney King.
If there is a statement we can remove from our language it’s, now you know how it feels. Now you know how it feels, implies, you hurt me and now I’m going to hurt you and I’m glad you’re hurting.
Revenge is fueled by anger. And sure, anger hurts the person it’s taken out on, but it hurts the person it lives in much more. The more we live with anger, the more we perpetuate hurt and disrespect and negativity. The more we seek revenge, the longer the life span of revenge.
When someone hurts us, we have the option to continue the cycle of pain and violence OR to absorb it and stop it. We have the power to take revenge out of play, we have the power to stop the cycle.
But why would we want to stop the cycle? They hurt us!! At the very least, we can do it so that it stops knocking on our front door looking for us. Or maybe we stop the cycle so that our children won’t experience it down the road. Or maybe we’re feeling extra magnanimous and we stop the cycle because we don’t want others to hurt anymore.
Find ANY reason that works for you – a cycle of revenge and hurt can only continue to weigh us down.
And don’t we want to fly?
love and grace, catia
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Drag Show + Church | Week 26 | Confidence Revolution
A few days ago I was walking down the streets of NYC with my husband and sister-in-law. There was a breeze and the air was balmy. We decided to head to a jazz club but on our way we stumbled upon a church with open doors. Open doors.
My husband asked if I'd like to go in, and I knew I did. Even standing outside of the church felt good and uplifting. The church was white stucco, and it had a small set of stairs and a garden leading into the four walls. At first glance it looked like any other church. The prayer candles were lit, wooden pews lined the center of the room, stained glass windows looked onto the parishioners.
When we walked in, it took me few seconds to realize I was in a church whose priest had chosen to walk with outliers, just like Jesus. The Bible tells how Jesus left the 99 to go searching for the 1. Jesus left those who knew and believed in him to go searching for the one. The one who was hurt, broken and beaten. The one who had seen despair, the one who was sick, the one who needed unconditional love like a man who lives in a desert needs life giving water.
The church, during gay pride weekend, hosted a drag show. A string of performers in drag -- sang and danced and cheered each other on. And between numbers, the priest, 5'5 and 140 lbs. soaking wet, stood in front of the congregation and told us how loved we are by God and how we are all royalty. It was beautiful and moving and I cried like a baby. It was a holy moment.
But before I cried, my brain was short circuiting. I grew up Mexican Catholic (traditional), and for the past 4 years I have attended a Baptist church (also traditional.) So for 32 years and 360 days I have only experienced church as traditional. This was anything but traditional, it was TOTALLY outside any paradigm I had about church.
In the moment, I knew what was happening.
It wasn't that I didn't like it, or enjoy it, it was that my brain was having to re-calibrate. "What was this?" "How was I going to be able to reconcile ALL of my 32 years and 360 days plus this new experience?"
I cut myself some slack and knew that song by song, performer by performer, I would settle into this new more expanded version, and I did, and it was lovely.
Guys, sometimes we get freaked out by things because they are different from what we are used to. We don't freak out because they are wrong, or bad -- simply because they are different. In those moments, cut yourself some slack and allow your brain and heart to re-calibrate and EXPAND. The more we know about others, the more beautiful they (and we) become.
love and grace, catia
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Courage and Vulnerability | Week 21 | Confidence Revolution
In Daring Greatly Dr. Brene Brown notes that the word vulnerable comes from the Latin “vulnerare,” meaning to wound. Being vulnerable literally means that you are opening yourself up to be wounded. But why would we want to do that?
BECAUSE…that sense of openness is the crux of all things magnificent and deeply moving. Walking with vulnerability is the only way to get from where we are to where we most want to be.
Brown notes how we love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. Fearing that our truth isn’t enough.
Yet how many times have you read a blog post or book nodding the entire time, heart welling up with a feeling of acceptance, and belonging, realizing that you are not alone. Or how relieved have you been when a friend shares her own shortcomings or seeming failures that mirror your own?
Dr. Brown goes on to say in Daring Greatly that our ultimate struggle is wanting to experience someone’s vulnerability yet not wanting to be vulnerable ourselves.
If you are afraid to open yourself up to being vulnerable, you are denying yourself the fullness of the shared human existence and ultimately the feeling of belonging. Being vulnerable and sharing your entire self, --shortcomings and failures and all -- is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.
How many times in your life have you not really given something your best because you needed an excuse just in case you failed? Well, I really didn’t try my hardest. So I really didn’t fail. We are so intensely afraid to lose, only that the winning and losing paradigm is an illusion. The question should not be, “Did you win or lose?” The question should be, “What did you try?” Winning and losing creates a sort of stagnation, while an attitude of trying creates a life of growth and movement and heightened aliveness.
Say sayonara to the idea of winning and welcome a trying mentality. Instead of fearing vulnerability, practice daring greatly. If you want to feel deep love, exuberant joy, electricity running through your veins, life saving grace and a true connection with those around you, let yourself be fully seen.
love and grace, catia
Questions to ponder:
-What makes you feel vulnerable?
-How do you feel about the idea that trying is more important than winning or losing
Who do you think you are? | Week 19 | Confidence Revolution
I can instantly recall the feeling of being bullied. My insides want to curl up like a rollie pollie. "Please, leave me alone."
I grew up in an upper middle class home in a lower middle class community and the fact that my mom dropped me off in a Ford Taurus station wagon and always had me dressed neatly was enough to send my school mates over the edge. On top of the FLASHY hatchback, I enjoyed school (God forbid) and enjoyed forming relationships with teachers and never felt like I fit in with my peers. Chicken or the egg? I'm not quite sure. My classmates were into video games and pogs and I was into getting an extra 5 points on my spelling test.
Girls would snicker and from time to time confront me face to face. "Who do you think you are?" "You think you're better than us?" "You think you're so good?" "You think you're going to make it?" "Why do you try so hard?" And then the dreaded "telling off" in Spanish. THE WORST. They talked so fast and cursed so well, I couldn't even keep up. Rollie pollie powers, ACTIVATE NOW.
That question of "who do you think you are?" has haunted me ever since. And people from my youth still rattle it off from time to time and most times I brush it off, but sometimes it gets under my skin.
Have you ever felt the need to defend who you are, your passions? Have you ever felt the need to explain why you are making certain choices or lobby folks to get them to support you? Me too. And I think it's about time we stop.
You have permission, FOREVER, (and in my opinion what is in the realm of kind and loving), to do what brings you joy.
BUT...
Sometimes it's not others we are trying to convince, sometimes, we are trying to convince ourselves. Our own negative chatter box floats to the top of our consciousness and we let it overrun our control center and all we hear is, "there are so many other people who already do it better, what's the point?" Or "You're 40! You have a career, why start something new?" Or "You're 25, no one is going to take you seriously. What do you have to say that others haven't already said?" "Why are you trying so hard anyway?"
When that is happening, and you feel your insides over heating, take a step back and check in with your soul. Ask it, "Is this what you WANT to do, will this bring you joy?" If the answer is, YES, then -- keep the bus moving. Ego will try to hold us back (strangely) because it's afraid of not being THE BEST, or, THE FIRST. But soul says, "I want to play too!"
When the question arises, "Who do you think you are?" No need to get overheated or curl in on yourself like a rollie pollie. Just say, "I am God's child and I'm trying something new. I really enjoy this and I'm seeing where it takes me.
love and grace, catia
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Give the Best You Have | Week 18 | Confidence Revolution
Do you find yourself offended daily? Your friend didn't call you - and she knew you had something to tell her! Or, your parents forgot to wish you a happy birthday. Or, someone SAW you and cut you off on the highway. Or, maybe a business associate is giving you grief.
Most times, we live so intimately with our own thoughts and motivations, we assume those around us JUST HAVE to know what we think, who we really are and what we want. But it turns out, most times they're just trying to get through their days and lives the best they know how. Our friends and family have their own lives, motivations, and dreams.
This week I profile the book, The Four Agreements. It's a tiny book that offers wisdom in such a quick and simple way, and upon learning the lessons in the book, your life will immediately be changed for the better.
"In The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love."
This book will not only help you be less angry, but more peaceful. It will help you take a few steps back and view what's going on in your life as part of a bigger picture. It will help you breath deeply as you realize other's people's actions are not about you, they are about them. AND it will show you how to harness your power.
Enjoy this week's mini life lesson highlighting the The Four Agreements!
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
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3 Tips To Boost Daily Confidence | Week 17 | Confidence Revolution
3 Tips To Boost Daily Confidence | Week 17 | Confidence Revolution
I heard Simon Cowell (one of the original American Idol judges and a legendary music producer) tell a story about how new talent would walk into his production office and they'd hand over a demo tape. The fact that they were with Simon Cowell meant they had already paid some dues. And Mr. Cowell would listen to the demo and if he liked it he'd say, "Sounds great. Keep working on it for ten or twenty years and come back to me." Knowing that 10 or 20 years of constant effort would make them masters at their craft.
Most times the talent would pick their jaw up off the floor and leave huffing and puffing. "10 or 20 years!"
But Mr. Cowell knew what a lot of us have either forgotten or have never been taught. Progress takes time, and mastery takes even more time. Over night wonders are few and far between and don't usually stand the test of time.
Typing, making a cup of coffee, brushing your teeth -- you've been practicing those things for A LONG TIME -- and so you don't have to think about them, but you're good at them.
If you're just starting to focus on being more loving, compassionate and maybe even more patient, realize it's going to take some time, effort and thought. But don't let that scare you! With every good decision you make for your life, you are lifting the lives of those around you. [share on Twitter] Honoring yourself is the gift that keeps on giving. [share on Twitter]
What Mr. Cowell left out was that the joy is in the growing, learning and stretching. Why rush through it? THROUGH IT is where the magic happens.
Here are three things that will help you walk THROUGH IT joyfully and over time, will make you a master at crafting a life you ENJOY.
Guys, in this video, I attempt to do the nae nae ( I had to Google how to spell that.)
joy and hope, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
#confidencerevolution here: Join Now.
AND...Stayed tuned for launch parties for, What Nobody Tells You About Love, (my first book!) coming to bookstores, audio book, Amazon and all those great places December 2016. Join the party invite list here!
Armor and Security Blankets | Week 16 | Confidence Revolution
Do you remember being young and toting around your favorite teddy bear, or Hot Wheels car, or blankie? Do you remember just how important it was to your existence. MUST HAVE LOVIE! For our daughter, it's her cup of awwwwaa, agua or water to the rest of us. When she's unsure of her situation, she clutches onto her awwwwaaa for dear life.
As we grow older, lovies and teddy bears fall by the wayside, but we learn to cling onto other things. As adults, when we feel unsure of ourselves we grab for - food, alcohol, fancier clothes, bigger diamonds, higher heels, bigger homes, more successful businesses. We all have some kind of armor that we suit up with before we go into an unsure situation. What will we wear? What will we say? How will we prove we are worth being there? And though most of our security blankets are imperceptible to the naked eye, they are there, whispering to us that we need them.
About a year ago I began to identify the armor I layer on before I head into unfamiliar situations. I realized that when I was with people I loved and who I knew loved me, I dressed one way and when I was meeting people for the first time, I dressed another way. It was plainly obvious . When I felt safe, I didn't need a security blanket, BUT when I felt unsafe, I LOADED UP on security blankets.
And with that awareness, God bless awareness, I began needing my forms of awwwwaaaaless and less.
I'm not advocating that you stop eating or drink or buying higher heels or working harder at your career, I'm only advocating that you don't NEED to in order to be safe. You're already safe.
You need NOT be adorned to be loved. You are loved JUST as you are. Let yourself be seen, you are PLENTY.
love and grace, catia
If someone sweetly sent you this email and you'd like to become your most confident self, be more joyful, have better relationships and live a life you enjoy - JOIN the
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Controlling your Negative Inner Chatterbox | Week 15 | Confidence Revolution
I was with my Austin Mom's Blog sister/writers last night. We were taking head shots with the amazing Laura Morsman and we were all wound up. "Do I look good?" "How about this angle?" "That's not my good side." The pressure was mounting! We were putting so much importance on the way the photos turned out. Like we were going to be judged ONLY on how we looked, like ALL the other things we do in life -- love, care, work, mother, volunteer -- didn't matter. We HAD to look spectacular or else everything was for not.
But then after the pictures were over, we enjoyed food and champagne and everyone let their guard down. And that's when things got really good. When we relaxed! Why couldn't we be relaxed the entire time?
The other day I read a post and it said that Gloria Steinem gave Melissa McCarthy a bracelet that said, "Linked, not ranked." And I thought, "that is the answer!!" Someone needs to get all women together and teach them in Woman 101 that there are not gold medals given out for being the prettiest, or smartest, or most sacrificing, or most frugal, OR... the least imposing or least disruptive or least opinionated.
We are unable to be ranked. Linked, not ranked.
Today's video is about how my negative chatter box felt outranked - on LIVE TV! And I detail how you can address your negative chatter box.
We are human, we have souls AND egos. Our soul is our higher self, an inner knowing, our essence. And our ego is part of the psyche that experiences the outside world and reacts to it. It thinks, feels, and it wants to distinguish itself from others. Part of the ego's job is to want more. That's it's job! So it's not about eliminating the ego, but about balancing it's power our lives.
With all my heart, you are worthy.
Culture tells you that you need more, different, bigger. Culture is lying, culture has ulterior motives.
You are beautiful and gifted.
No one is you, and that is your power.
Succeed in Relationships | Week 9 | Confidence Revolution
Succeed in Relationships
"Don't they know my way is better?" "Didn't they learn the RIGHT way to take care of a baby?" "Doesn't he know birthdays are supposed to be filled with presents?" "Doesn't she know that you're supposed to have one job forever?"
When we come into relationship with someone, we bring our own thoughts and ideals. And each of our thoughts have been shaped by decades of action, inaction, and experience. So often we go into battle on our high horses over the "right" way of doing something - and drama ensues.
Most of the tension is caused by what we "think" things should look like. Is anyone with me? There's no mandate that says we HAVE to do things the way our best friends do them, or our parents did them, or the way magazines tell us we should be doing them. One of the secrets to freedom is, we get to DECIDE what works for us.
We all want thriving romantic relationships, friendships and work relationships - or else we wouldn't enter into them. So let's set them up for success, let's invest in them.
Let's actively contribute to the well-being of our relationships by figuring out how we'd like things to look and feel and then by (wait for it....) asking for what we want! Our husbands and wives and friends love us, they just see the world differently. So let's make it easy for them to fulfill our emotional needs.
And let's ABSOLUTELY reciprocate. OR we can be extra awesome and ask them what they need and want -- first! We can begin the communication. Compassion, consideration, kindness and thoughtfulness go A LONG way.
Hey guys - if you're looking to feel better, feel happy and feel confident - I have something for you.
I 100% wrote this in service of you. I want you to find joy in everyday life!
Love!
