TRUST | Week 49 | Confidence Revolution
Has life thrown you any curve balls lately? ME TOO!
And one day I’ll tell you all about it – but for now – I want to say – things (poop, the unexpected, the frustrating, the devastating) happen – to all of us.
And I wish I could tell you that doing “the work,” making progress on your inner self will exempt you from pain and challenges – but it won’t. But what it does do is give you tools you need to make it through each day – and not only SURVIVE – but enjoy the experience.
And guys, ENJOYING it is what it’s ALL about.
This year you have learned how to:
Not react
find peace
choose good relationships
listen to your voice
be proud of who you are
shake off the haters
love more deeply.
and
how to enjoy life more.
You now know how to see things through! And if you don’t have the exact tool – you know how to learn and stretch – and that’s all you ever really to know – HOW TO LEARN.
But from time to time – you’ll feel crazy, in over your head. And in those moments, I encourage you to TRUST and to sink into your faith more – to not run away from it – but to hold on tighter – KNOWING that God will bring you through.
This knowing, this trusting – is not easy – it requires both diligence and patience. And who wants to be patient?! I know….
But I have found that when I’ve done my best, and stay in my faith, AND stay in my own integrity (which means continuing to make decisions I feel good about) - that even if there is pain and inconvenience and suffering and maybe even all out disaster – I ALWAYS end up stronger, more connected and more of the woman I wanted to be.
TRUST in yourself. You are capable. You are strong. You are plenty.
and...
TRUST in God. God is capable. God is strong. God is plenty.
love and grace to you!
Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
Racism + Revenge | Week 27 | Confidence Revolution
I grew up in a predominantly Mexican town and so there -- I was the majority. Everyone could say my name, Cah-thee-yah. And it took me getting out of my hometown and going to college to see and feel racism.
Maybe it’s because I am one, but I have always had a soft spot in my heart for minorities, in whatever form they come. Everyone is welcome for pancakes at my house.
About a month ago, I started hearing rave reviews about Ezra Edelman’s 8 hour ESPN documentary, OJ: Made in America and so I recorded it and watched about half. It was about much more than the OJ Simpson case. It was about the dynamics of race, police behavior, expectation, the theater of the court system, and media relations in the US leading up to and during the early 1990s. Riveting is an understatement. I mean, I am a busy woman and I found FIVE hours to dedicate to it.
The film stirred something inside of me and made me want know more about what racism ACTUALLY feels like.
A few days after I wrapped up the OJ documentary our friend came over for dinner. He’s intelligent, accomplished, kind, a great conversationalist, and he’s also African-American. We got to talking about politics and graduate school and then we got to talking about race.
And after 13 years of have an outsider’s perspective on racism toward folks who are black, I garnered the courage to ask. “What does racism feel like to you?” “How does it manifest?” “Tell me about it.” I sat and listened with curiosity and a barrel full of empathy. It was not easy to hear his answers, but they were true and they brought us closer together.
We can theorize and hypothesize about what others are going through OR we can actually ask and listen. Yes, it will be uncomfortable. Yes, it will be weird. But it will enlighten us and it will close the divide.
Revenge
One of the OJ jurors said she voted ‘not guilty’ as pay back for what Rodney King had gone through years previous. She said, “Now you know how it feels,” implying she inflicted hurt on the white community because of the hurt they inflicted on Rodney King.
If there is a statement we can remove from our language it’s, now you know how it feels. Now you know how it feels, implies, you hurt me and now I’m going to hurt you and I’m glad you’re hurting.
Revenge is fueled by anger. And sure, anger hurts the person it’s taken out on, but it hurts the person it lives in much more. The more we live with anger, the more we perpetuate hurt and disrespect and negativity. The more we seek revenge, the longer the life span of revenge.
When someone hurts us, we have the option to continue the cycle of pain and violence OR to absorb it and stop it. We have the power to take revenge out of play, we have the power to stop the cycle.
But why would we want to stop the cycle? They hurt us!! At the very least, we can do it so that it stops knocking on our front door looking for us. Or maybe we stop the cycle so that our children won’t experience it down the road. Or maybe we’re feeling extra magnanimous and we stop the cycle because we don’t want others to hurt anymore.
Find ANY reason that works for you – a cycle of revenge and hurt can only continue to weigh us down.
And don’t we want to fly?
love and grace, catia
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Drag Show + Church | Week 26 | Confidence Revolution
A few days ago I was walking down the streets of NYC with my husband and sister-in-law. There was a breeze and the air was balmy. We decided to head to a jazz club but on our way we stumbled upon a church with open doors. Open doors.
My husband asked if I'd like to go in, and I knew I did. Even standing outside of the church felt good and uplifting. The church was white stucco, and it had a small set of stairs and a garden leading into the four walls. At first glance it looked like any other church. The prayer candles were lit, wooden pews lined the center of the room, stained glass windows looked onto the parishioners.
When we walked in, it took me few seconds to realize I was in a church whose priest had chosen to walk with outliers, just like Jesus. The Bible tells how Jesus left the 99 to go searching for the 1. Jesus left those who knew and believed in him to go searching for the one. The one who was hurt, broken and beaten. The one who had seen despair, the one who was sick, the one who needed unconditional love like a man who lives in a desert needs life giving water.
The church, during gay pride weekend, hosted a drag show. A string of performers in drag -- sang and danced and cheered each other on. And between numbers, the priest, 5'5 and 140 lbs. soaking wet, stood in front of the congregation and told us how loved we are by God and how we are all royalty. It was beautiful and moving and I cried like a baby. It was a holy moment.
But before I cried, my brain was short circuiting. I grew up Mexican Catholic (traditional), and for the past 4 years I have attended a Baptist church (also traditional.) So for 32 years and 360 days I have only experienced church as traditional. This was anything but traditional, it was TOTALLY outside any paradigm I had about church.
In the moment, I knew what was happening.
It wasn't that I didn't like it, or enjoy it, it was that my brain was having to re-calibrate. "What was this?" "How was I going to be able to reconcile ALL of my 32 years and 360 days plus this new experience?"
I cut myself some slack and knew that song by song, performer by performer, I would settle into this new more expanded version, and I did, and it was lovely.
Guys, sometimes we get freaked out by things because they are different from what we are used to. We don't freak out because they are wrong, or bad -- simply because they are different. In those moments, cut yourself some slack and allow your brain and heart to re-calibrate and EXPAND. The more we know about others, the more beautiful they (and we) become.
love and grace, catia
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You are ENTIRELY loveable | Week 6 | Confidence Revolution
You are entirely loveable.
I know you're busy and I am so proud of you for taking time for yourself.
By participating in the #confidencerevolution YOU are bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be.
This week I bring you Tattoos on the Heart and I talk about how when I found unconditional love, it transformed me.
Unconditional love allows us to set down our armor and exist without looking over our shoulder. Unconditional love is the foundation of courage. Unconditional love melts away who we are not and leaves us feeling safe about who are.
When we know that we are loved unconditionally, we are set free. And unconditional love starts inside each one of us.
Oh and some great news -- you are not only loveable, you are WHOLLY loveable. How awesome is that?
This 8 minute video is information for your heart. Maybe take a short walk around your neighborhood tonight and absorb the nurturing and encouragement OR listen to it with a hot cup of coffee OR chocolate. :)
By participating in the #confidencerevolution YOU are bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be. This week I bring you Tattoos on the Heart and I talk about how when I found unconditional love, it transformed me.