What to do when you fall | Week 34 | Confidence Revolution

A few months ago I applied to be a TEDx speaker. This particular TEDx event was going to be held in my hometown. I didn’t think I was a shoe in, but I absolutely thought I had a good shot at it. I applied as a writer and motivational speaker. I have been writing for 6 years now, and even have a book, The Courage to Become, coming out in December, I thought, I have to have a good chance! Guys, I even know one of the organizers! How sweet it was going to be, me on a TEDx stage!

Well…one week went by, crickets. Two weeks went by, nothing. Three months went by, goose egg.

No call back, no stock rejection letter, nothing. Nothing at all!!!

I had failed. Right?

Maybe.

I’m currently listening to the book, Rising Strong, by Dr. Brene Brown. The premise of the book is, when we are in the arena of life and we are trying, the question is not if we will fall, but when. And when we do fall, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, what is the story we tell ourselves.

Dr. Brown found that the determining factor for how quick people recovered was the type of stories they told themselves when they realized they had “failed.”

For example, let’s say, someone is applying for a promotion within their department. Let’s say they apply and a month goes by without a call back. Some people may tell themselves stories like, “they never liked me anyway,” or “I’d better start looking for another job now,” or “I’ll show them just how much they need me!” While others tell themselves stories like, “Maybe my application got lost,” or “maybe the person reviewing the applications is backlogged with work,” or “maybe they are waiting to promote me next month so they can also give me a raise!”

Brown continues to teach that the more optimistic person tells themselves positive things but also garners up the courage to confront the situation. They may bring it to their superiors’ attention or they may address it head on, “Hi, I was just wondering if you knew I applied and if there’s anything I can do help the process along,” or “Hi, I’m feeling unsure right now about my job performance since I haven’t received a call back.” All of those take GUTS to say!!!! But we can do hard things.

The key determining factor between the time we fall and the time we rise is the kind of story we tell ourselves when we are face down. The stories we create can be harmful or helpful. And the amazing part is that WE GET TO CHOOSE! We are in total control.

So --  did I tell myself that I suck and I’m never going to be on big public speaking stage?  No way! Did I tell myself that I should have tried harder or that I’m not good enough? No way! When I realized I hadn’t been chosen, I told myself that maybe I needed a little more experience, that maybe they had too many women on the ticket and they needed more men. I told myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to address my hometown. And then, I let it go. I let it go and I went back to work.

I didn’t fail. I fell.

When you realize you have fallen:

·       Tell yourself a positive message, and repeat it yourself.

·       Ask for clarity. Maybe, just maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Tell the person how you are feeling.

·       Tell yourself you can handle it, get up, rise strong, and get back to living your purpose. 

love and grace, catia 

Courage and Vulnerability | Week 21 | Confidence Revolution

In Daring Greatly Dr. Brene Brown notes that the word vulnerable comes from the Latin “vulnerare,” meaning to wound. Being vulnerable literally means that you are opening yourself up to be wounded. But why would we want to do that?

BECAUSE…that sense of openness is the crux of all things magnificent and deeply moving. Walking with vulnerability is the only way to get from where we are to where we most want to be.

Brown notes how we love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. Fearing that our truth isn’t enough. 

Yet how many times have you read a blog post or book nodding the entire time, heart welling up with a feeling of acceptance, and belonging, realizing that you are not alone. Or how relieved have you been when a friend shares her own shortcomings or seeming failures that mirror your own?

Dr. Brown goes on to say in Daring Greatly that our ultimate struggle is wanting to experience someone’s vulnerability yet not wanting to be vulnerable ourselves.

If you are afraid to open yourself up to being vulnerable, you are denying yourself the fullness of the shared human existence and ultimately the feeling of belonging. Being vulnerable and sharing your entire self, --shortcomings and failures and all -- is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. 

How many times in your life have you not really given something your best because you needed an excuse just in case you failed? Well, I really didn’t try my hardest. So I really didn’t fail. We are so intensely afraid to lose, only that the winning and losing paradigm is an illusion. The question should not be, “Did you win or lose?” The question should be, “What did you try?” Winning and losing creates a sort of stagnation, while an attitude of trying creates a life of growth and movement and heightened aliveness.

Say sayonara to the idea of winning and welcome a trying mentality. Instead of fearing vulnerability, practice daring greatly. If you want to feel deep love, exuberant joy, electricity running through your veins, life saving grace and a true connection with those around you, let yourself be fully seen. 
love and grace, catia

Questions to ponder:
-What makes you feel vulnerable?
-How do you feel about the idea that trying is more important than winning or losing