Courage to Become | Hayley Hengst
“A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Hayley is one of them.
Enjoy Hayley’s story of becoming. Hayley is a writer, a great one. She has a gift and I am honored that she shared it with us. Hayley and I wrote together at Austin Moms Blog and I always admired how adept she was at sharing her point of view so beautifully with the world. She’s really something else and I know you will adore her. Please welcome, Hayley!
Hayley Hengst from On a Lighter Note
“This Stage of Life? It’s Hard”.
That was the title of a blog post I wrote about five years ago now, that went viral. Then it went viral again. Then again. It was shared over 200,000 times, reached people in at least 10 different countries, got translated into other languages, and for at least two years after writing it, I continued to receive messages and emails from people all over the world telling me how much the article impacted them....how deeply the words resonated....how relieved they were to know they weren’t the only one who felt the same range of emotions the article described.
Kids. Marriage. Sick kids. Troubled marriage. Parenting decisions. Infertility. Miscarriage. The working mom versus stay-at-home mom debate. In the stage of life where you have young kids at home, the struggle is real, and can encompass any number of difficulties.
When I wrote that article, I felt like my “stage of life” was difficult, sure, but not in a tragic way. Just in a mundane “my kid has an ear infection as I write this, my house is a mess, I can’t figure out a good sleep schedule for my newborn, and I’m completely conflicted if I want to send my kindergartner to public versus private school” kind of way.
Happily married with three kids under 6, I was a bit taken off guard by some of the emails that came flooding in as a result of that article....readers regaling me with tales of why THEIR stage of life was hard....and it was indeed difficult stuff. Children with cancer. Husbands who had left them. Financial devastation. I felt sympathetic for these people, while at the same time (if I’m being honest) relieved that my woes were more of the “normal life problem” variety.
Fast forward two years. Fast forward just TWO years, and my mom was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer.
A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.
I’ll save you all the gory details of what the three years sandwiched between THEN and NOW consisted of, but here’s what I WILL say:
When Catia reached out to me and asked me to be a part of her Courage to Become Series, I was incredibly honored. I had read some of the articles other people had written for this series, but not all of them. So I went back and read more. And thought, “um. Why did she ask me to participate in this? I’m not sure I belong in this group. What exactly HAVE I had the courage to become?”.
I thought about it or a while. What I ultimately realized, was this:
After a long hard road, years of which were spent living in the shadow of someone else...years more spent trying to rebuild what “someone else” tore apart....I simply (recently) (finally) have the Courage to just....Become.
“Become”, as in “an active, ongoing, process”. Not necessarily as in “an end-point".
Sound like a cop-out answer?
It’s not.
You see, I’d spent my entire life (well, my entire life since age 15, anyway), just “becoming” what I thought someone else (my husband) wanted me to be. That’s dumb anyway, but in my case, it didn’t even freaking pan out well.
How in the WORLD had I forgotten to ask myself questions like:
What do YOU want?
Who are YOU, separate from HIM?
What’s important to YOU?
What do you want YOUR life to be about?
I don’t know how I’d forgotten to ask those questions, but I had, and it was time to start asking them.
Had my life not fallen apart, maybe I never would have asked. I’m not sure you can become who you are meant to be UNTIL you ask.
So I'm asking them now, and if I’m being honest, the answers are still a little grey. You don’t go 36 years of life NOT thinking through those things, and then all of the sudden have clear answers to them. “Grey” is a transitionary color though, right? It’s in-between black and white. Moving from white, into black, I suppose. As I’ve begun to ask the questions and sort through the answers, here are a few things I do know:
• I want to write. Writing is what I love. It’s what I’m good at. It’s what other people tell me I’m good at. It’s what makes me feel most like me. Why had I not been doing that?
....and so I’ve started writing again. I’ve started a new blog. It’s called The Lighter Note Show. It’s taking off well. I’ve started submitting writings for other websites...and they’re getting accepted. I’ve been paid for a few. I’ve decided I’m going to write a book.
I want to co-host a podcast with one of my best friends. The overwhelming response I received to the Stage of Life blog post all those years ago made me realize that maybe more than anything else, people appreciate “relatable”. They appreciate feeling like they aren’t the only ones who feel the way they do sometimes. That other people have the same struggles and woes and awkwardness and weird thoughts. They also need an excuse to laugh sometimes. I wanted to create a podcast that provided that outlet for people. So why hadn’t I, yet?
…..and so I did. I’m not sure where it will go or what it will lead to, but I’m DOING it at least, and working on the podcast is one of my favorite parts of life right now
I want to challenge myself. I want to set goals that are hard, make a plan to achieve them, and then achieve them. I don’t want to ever become stagnant and “blah” and aimless again. When and why had I become that in the first place?
….. and so I trained for a 15 mile “heavy half” marathon this year. Ran it. And climbed a mountain, too. The highest peak in Colorado, thank you.
Possibly most importantly, I want to love my little boys well. I want them to feel loved, cherished, secure, and happy.
…..and so there is a lot of apologizing in our house. As in, “me to them”. It’s hard to be the patient, kind, gentle and loving mom you want to be when you are emotionally stretched thin, but there’s a lot to be said for apologizing. Being honest with them. Admitting mistakes. Being vocal and expressive in my love for them. Being honest about what’s hard and crappy, but also highlighting all that is good and wonderful and positive.
Some of you impressive and awe-inspiring women in this series have had the Courage to Become some pretty amazing things. You’ve become doctors. Lawyers. Life coaches. Wildly successful photographers. I’m still convinced you guys are all in a different league than me.
I feel certain though there are others of you out there who, like me, lost yourselves along the way somehow. As a result, you may not feel like you’ve “become” anything at all. While I’m certain that isn’t entirely true...you’ve become SOMETHING...you’ve become a wife, or a mother, or a beloved friend....it COULD be true that you haven’t become what you were MEANT to become. Yet. Maybe you haven’t asked yourself the important questions. Maybe you’ve spent too much time trying to become what someone ELSE wanted you to become. Maybe the fact that it’s actually POSSIBLE to become something that makes you feel proud of yourself and fulfilled has eluded you.
I’d encourage you to ask yourself the important questions:
• What do I want out of life?
• Who am I, at my core?
• What makes me feel most alive?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I good at....something I know I’m good at...others tell me I’m good at...I enjoy it....but I’m holding back?
• What am I waiting for?
It takes courage to even ask yourself the questions to begin with. It’s worth it, though.
I’d love to write the book. Have the successful podcast. Climb another mountain. Be able to pat myself on the back daily for a Parenting Job Well Done. If I do all of those things, maybe I will have “become”.
For right now though, there is a lot of beauty in the “becoming”. The process. I don’t want to speed through that.
So cheers to us...the works in progress. May we simply have the courage to BECOME...period.
About Hayley:
Hello From the Other Side
The "single gal" side, that is. The "after the dust has settled a bit" side. The "am I experiencing PTSD from the drama and trauma of the last two years?" side. Kidding, kidding. No PTSD here.
Probably anyone reading this already knows me, and could do without an "About Me". I used to write all the time, and back then, I wrote everything "about me" anyone could ever care to know, and then some, I'm sure. I wrote for Austin Moms Blog. I wrote for my own blog, Mother Freaking. I wrote for Her View From Home. I pretty much was an open book. A lot has changed in my life since then, though (a lot has stayed the same, too).
What's changed?
-I'm not married anymore. This is a negative development on almost all fronts, but I suppose the "positive" aspect of it is that my writings will no longer be chalk full of corny references to my high school sweetheart relationship, that no one wants to hear about. I mean, I thought it was cute. But I guess not. Another positive could be that maybe you'll get to hear some tales of WHAT in the actual WORLD a 38-year old who has never been single, does in the dating world? (If you have any tips or suggestions, please...by all means).
-I don't live with a man anymore. This means there is a lot of pink in my house. I've hated pink my whole life, and then suddenly it was like "If I WANTED to have pink stuff I could"...and so I did.
What's the Same?
- I'm still mama to Three Little Manimals (that's man+animal)
- They still crazy AF
- Writing is still my favorite thing in all of the world. No wait...reading. Writing is a very close second though.
- It's still a toss-up if my Happy Place is a bubble bath, sitting in front of a fire, or lying in the sun. Warmth...just give me warmth. Throw in some sort of a twinkle light situation while you're at it. Throw in a book and maybe some wine, too.
Other Things...
- I think the song "The Weight" by the The Band is the best song of all time, and no matter how many people argue this opinion (fact) with me, I'll never change my mind
- I can't shuffle cards for shit, and one actual GOAL of mine (this is pitiful) during quarantine was to "Perfect My Shuffle Game". I've got the shuffle. Still can't get the stupid bridge.
- I worked at a gym in high school. Some guys that worked there called me at the front desk, secretly, from a back office, pretending that their dad was at the gym working out, and a family emergency had occurred. They needed me to page him. His name was Mr. Jack Meoff. "Please, can you page him". I did. Multiple times. Thus revealing to the world what I already knew...I'm a bit low on common sense. It's fine. I've accepted it, and feel that likely, it means I'm a genius. Like some sort of mad scientist.
You can follow Hayley’s journey at
On a Lighter Note Facebook // On a Lighter Note
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Rachel Duffy
When I finally, and against all odds pulled through, I heard the call of the universe to stop and reevaluate my life. The universe was calling on me to step into a more authentic version of myself, to heal, to become. I was given a second chance, a chance to be my own hero, to save myself by stepping out of victimhood and claiming my life.
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere and Rachel is one of them.
Rachel and I are sisters. I am truly lucky to call her friend. We studied together with Dr. Shefali Tsabary - and got to know each other in New York at our graduation. I absolutely respect and admire her. She is strong and smart and giving. Anyone who works with her is absolutely blessed. She’s so so wise. Enjoy her story of becoming.
Rachel Duffy from Sagacity Lab
When I was 20 years old, I got diagnosed with Crohn’s disease after 2 long years of elusive symptoms and multiple hospital visits all resulting in “we can’t find anything wrong with you, are you under unusual stress?”.
On one hand, it was a relief to receive a diagnosis, because it meant I would get treatment and it validated that my pain wasn’t “all in my head”, but at the same time, it put me on a path of self-denial, shame, anger, and resistance.
You see, Crohn’s disease is a chronic, genetic, autoimmune disease that affects the GI tract. One of its hallmark symptoms is severe abdominal cramps and diarrhea. As a young, attractive and otherwise healthy woman, I felt shame that I had a chronic disease (chronic diseases are for “old people”) and even more shame because it was a “bathroom” disease that I didn’t want to talk about with my friends. I did as many 20-year-olds do, and while I took my medications as prescribed, I otherwise ignored the fact that this was part of my life. I pretended like everything was normal and continued on through Law School, had a successful career as a litigator, moved with my ex-husband across the world, did a career pivot into business, etc. On the outside, I was living a super successful, enviable life. On the inside, I was angry and bitter. This entire time, more than a decade since my diagnosis, I had been harboring rage and self-pity. Why did I get this? Why did my body betray me like this? Why me?
It wasn't until 2004, when I turned 31, that my methods of denial had finally caught up with me.
Coupled with the slow disintegration of my first marriage, my symptoms became increasingly worse, uncontrolled by any medication, and led me to surgery for bowel resection in January of 2004. Little did I know that this “straightforward” procedure would snowball into 4 more back to back surgeries, extensive time in ICU, an induced weeks-long coma, complication after complication, and almost 10 months of hospitalization.
When I finally, and against all odds pulled through, I heard the call of the universe to stop and reevaluate my life. The universe was calling on me to step into a more authentic version of myself, to heal, to become. I was given a second chance, a chance to be my own hero, to save myself by stepping out of victimhood and claiming my life.
I divorced my first husband and eventually started to date a man who later on became my husband and father of my 3 kids. He was instrumental in helping me heal from my self-loathing, self-denial, internal shame, and rage that I had been carrying around with me all those years.
He was the first person who really “saw” me and it was through his eyes that I was able to see myself, to accept that Crohn’s was a part of me just like brown hair was a part of me. To step out of the mindset that I was so unlucky to have gotten this in the first place, to realize it wasn’t good or bad, it just was.
Fast forward 15 years, I am now 47. I’ve had Crohn’s disease longer than I have not. I do not wish I never had it, I do not pray for a cure (beyond my prayer that every disease be cured), I do not feel anger or hurt recounting the past, I feel completely neutral about it, and I embrace it and love this part of myself like I love other parts of myself.
Sometimes you need someone to help you become yourself. I am lucky my husband came into my life at the right time, put me on a path to healing and acceptance. For that, I will forever be grateful.
He inspired me to step further into my true self by becoming a teacher and coach. I left the corporate world and became certified as a Conscious Parenting Coach. I now help my clients go through some of the transformations I went through: to accept themselves, reveal their true parts and integrate them instead of burying them under layers of shame, self-loathing, and denial. This in turn allows them to live their highest potential as human beings, parents, or executive leaders.
More about Rachel:
I’ve walked the path you’re walking now. I’ve been frustrated in my career and pivoted (more than once!), I’ve been in a marriage that didn’t work and gotten a divorce, I’ve repressed my true self so much that it manifested in physical symptoms, I’ve been stuck on the precipice of change for decades without finding the courage or the way to forge through.
Why? Because I followed the script, plan, blueprint, expectation, pattern that was laid before me and had been passed on for generations in my family. Because I had been so severed from my true essence and spirit, that I had no idea how to speak my truth or what it was. Because I was so attached to how I labeled myself and how others saw me that I could only lead from a place of ego. Because I did not feel worthy.
So what about you? Do you ever feel you are not at your personal best when you parent? Do you have the sense you could be suffering less and enjoying more, but just can’t figure out how to do that? Do you know you could be leading your company in a much more effective way, but haven’t found the right path yet?
I have good news. This is where you start to shift the outdated paradigm you’ve been working from. The blueprint you’ve been following which isn’t aligned with your true self.
Backed by experience as a family law litigator and mediator, coupled with organizational and leadership skills that emerged in the military, I have devoted my professional life to injecting consciousness in all relationships. Understanding human interaction and promoting the success of children and adults has always been my passion.
As a family law litigator, I observed how our own upbringing affects us even as adults, and gets in the way of our personal and professional relationships, making it nearly impossible to resolve conflict in mutually beneficial ways. Facing challenges that every parent faces, I had to develop wisdom, clarity, and examine my own motivations and agenda that was getting in the way of parenting with sagacity. It was here that I made a commitment to consciousness and to change.
Deepening my studies, I became a certified Conscious Parenting coach studying under Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a world-renowned clinical psychologist & pioneer of Conscious Parenting, and launched my private practice.
I took my combined multidisciplinary skills and applied them both in the personal setting, with families, as well as in the corporate setting, with leaders and executives.
If you need a nudge in the right direction, someone to help you awaken into your fullest potential, someone to help you make the quantum leap you’ve been waiting to take - I’m your girl.
When I’m not working, I enjoy yoga, travel, and a strong shot of Turkish coffee. You’ll often find me spending time with my family, which consists of my husband, three children, and a beloved puppy.
-Rachel Duffy
To connect with Rachel find her here:
www.sagacitylab.com // Facebook // Instagram // Linked In
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Penny Williamson Lucas
I am a survivor. I am free. I am blessed.
I say these words to myself often. I have survived abusive marriages and my son dying in an accident when he was 9. Some days I wonder how I’m still standing but then I remind myself that it’s God’s grace and love and the love of the people in my life.
Timmy was my only child from my marriage to my high school sweetheart. My husband was a young alcoholic who saw his dad abuse his mom so it was a normal thing in his world. I divorced him when I was 21. In 1999, Timmy was 9 and he fell on an electric fence while visiting his grandparents and his airway closed up. He was alone at the time so no one was there to save him. I was completely devastated. I grew up in church. Every Sunday morning/night and Wednesdays we were in the building. When Timmy died, especially in such a horrific way, I was furious at God. I didn’t go to church, pray or even let myself think about Him. Why would he take my only child? I couldn’t understand it. Little by little my faith reminded me that God is in control. I will never understand why my child died but I rejoice in the fact that I will see and be with him again one day. I cherish every memory that I have.
Seven months after Timmy died, I was fortunate enough to get a job at the Texas School for the Deaf in the middle school office. Being around the students helped fill the hole that losing Timmy had left in my life. The friends I’ve made in the last 18 years here will be life long friends. About 10 years ago I started doing community service projects with the students and I love it so much. We have prepared lunch at the Ronald McDonald House, served lunch at a soup kitchen, reorganized the library and did sign language classes for the kids at the Helping Hand Home and various fund raisers to send money to different organizations. Helping children fills me with much joy.
I met husband #2 in Dallas night club in 1997. This marriage had a new set of complications because he is black and in the 90’s it wasn’t that common around Austin. I saw a whole different side of life and it was not always nice. As diverse as Austin has a reputation of being, when I was out with him, I was treated horribly. We would get seated in the worst part of restaurants and our service was not as good as I got when I was not with him. I had no problem speaking up about it but it was unreal to me. I didn’t let that affect my marriage or my desire to have children. We are blessed to have 2 daughters who bring so much happiness and laughter to my life every day. I was in that marriage for 8 years and though there was no physical abuse, there was mental and emotional abuse. I wanted to make the marriage work badly. We went to counseling more than once and I tried my best. I couldn’t be divorced TWICE!! But when you are married and feel single, that is no way to live. I struggled with the thought of God being upset with me for yet another divorce. Finally, I just didn’t think that He would want me to be so unhappy and He knew how hard I tried so I went through divorce #2.
By 2008 I had been single for 5 years, really tired of the dating life. I met, online, the biggest mistake of my life. An ex-con who was the sweetest talking, most persuasive man I’ve ever known. I believed everything that he said, including the lie that he wouldn’t hurt me again every time he did it. After we were together for 6 months, he went back to jail, where I married him…I know, what was I thinking!?!?! For the next 3.5 years while he was in prison, I was the loyal wife that visited every weekend, wrote every day, and put money on the books.
When he made parole and came home, he put my daughters, my mom and me through hell for the following 3.5 years. He was abusive in every way. He would disappear, my money would disappear, my peace disappeared. I thought he was going to kill me more than once. At the end of September 2015 was the final time I suffered his abuse. I finally followed through with filing charges and he fled the state. When he tried to contact me, I didn’t respond. I had no guilt in filing for this divorce.
The most often asked question to abused people is why did you stay? It’s a very frustrating question to be asked because it’s impossible to explain. People that know me and those that meet me can’t believe I was in an abusive marriage because I’m not meek or weak by any means. It’s different for everyone. I wasn’t financially dependent on him, quite the opposite. I didn’t need on him for shelter or food. We didn’t have children together. I didn’t NEED him but he convinced me I did. He isolated me from my friends and some of my family. He made me feel that I couldn’t keep a marriage going and that no one else would ever want me. He made me forget that I was God’s child, precious and worthy of being treated that way. I was told once that abused people will stay in that relationship until they hit a wall and I found that to be 100% true. I was so fortunate to get out alive.
I was that girl that always needed to be in some type of relationship. There was a desperate need to fill a void that I had inside me. For a year after that final assault, I went into hibernation and healed. The joy that he had taken away came back. My girls, family, friends and church wrapped me so tight in love, forgiveness, grace and understanding. I finally know that I am 100% awesome all by myself. I don’t need a partner to fulfill me, I am more than enough. I had constantly given that power to other people. No more.
For those who are in an abusive situation. You are worthy of love, you are special, you deserve better. Trust that I know it’s not easy to leave. I know others don’t understand that….I understand 100%. You are God’s child and He wants you to be safe and happy…so do I and everyone that loves you. You have probably been convinced that no one else loves you…please know you ARE LOVED!!!
For anyone who has lost a child, the loss is always there but the burden of it gets easier to bear as time passes. I focus on the almost 10 years that I was blessed to have him here as my boy. I celebrate his life and that I was so lucky to be his mommy. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
I am more thankful than I can express for my mom and my girls. They have loved and supported me at my worst and my best. As much as I tried to shield them, they had to live through a lot of the horrors of my last marriage had and I will forever regret that. My sister, Bonnie and 2 cousins, Terri and Laura (the Fearsome Foursome) get me through life in a constant group text. We support each other daily and I don’t know what I’d do without them.
I thank God for giving me everything that I have. With everything that I have endured and overcome I love the person that I am. I am a good mother, daughter, sister, friend. My life is peaceful. My finances are secure. My house is full of laughter and love every day.
When Catia asked me to do this blog and I looked at some of the former blogs, I was a bit intimidated at first. I don’t have a business, I haven’t written a book, I haven't finished college (yet). I’m just a country girl from Mississippi that has been through a few things. The more I thought about it, there are probably people reading this that have lost a child or have been in, or are still in abusive situations. My prayer is that I can give someone hope that things can get better. I am proof.
I am a survivor. I am free. I am blessed.
Essay by: Penny Williamson Lucas
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Katie Taylor
Hi, I’m Katie.
I think I may get personal with this, which is kind of unlike me. I love talking about what I do: I’m a mom, a wife, a child life specialist, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a blogger and even a podcast host. I’m actually pretty proud of myself about all these things, I worked REALLY hard for a lot of them, so I love talking about them. But, rarely, do I talk about a part of my life that was incredibly transformative:
I got divorced.
A lot of people look at me, like, YOU?! You got DIVORCED? Yep, sure did. And, to say it was a difficult part of my life is an understatement. To say it was a “valley” doesn’t go deep enough. To say it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made… well, that may be pretty accurate.
And the truth is that I will never say that I regret getting married (the first time), because as much as a cliche as it is, I learned so much about myself.
So when Catia asked me to write in her Courage to Become series, I originally thought that I’d talk about following my dream of being a child life specialist and then creating an opportunity to host a podcast, but that would be too easy. However, talking about the Courage to Become Myself, which is what I did that day in 2012 when I moved out of the home I shared with my ex-husband, is hard as hell.
I let a lot of people down when my marriage ended. Him, his family, mutual friends, my own friends who didn’t understand and wedding guests that had spent hundreds of dollars to attend my wedding across the country barely a year before. For a Type 2 Enneagram “Need to be Needed” person (I learned this in marriage counseling the first go round), letting people down KILLED me. Literally, it felt like a knife in my stomach every time the thought crossed my mind.
But, with the help of a counselor, I took a step back and looked at my relationship for what it was and what it was giving to me. It wasn’t doing much for me. So with a family behind me who supported me unconditionally, I took a step away.
Yes, I’m incredibly lucky that I had a safety net of people with their arms wrapped around me, but the truth is, what I did took courage. I stepped away from what I thought was a sure-thing, the-rest-of-my-life, secured-future and I went into the unknown.
Leaving was lonely as hell, even with a friend in the same apartment building as me. Even with a boss and friend who opened their arms and their homes and took me in the week I left. Even with a mom and dad who flew to my city to help me move, it was lonely. I cried a lot. Going to bed alone, watching House Hunters (I had always pictured how the two of us would be in a house), only pouring one cup of coffee.
But, that part was the valley for me, and the good part about the valley is that there is a peak afterward. I continued seeing a counselor, I poured myself into work, and I vowed that if I ever loved again (which I thought would never happen), I would make sure that the person I loved truly loved me for everything that I was. If he didn’t, no big deal, he just wouldn’t be right for me. As terrifying as it was to leave, I truly left stronger than I did entering that relationship.
I thought that dating would be scary, it had been so long since I had thought about someone else in a loving way. Of course it was in some ways, but in others, it wasn’t… because I was dating FOR ME. If they weren’t interested, I had nothing to lose, I had already lost it all. If they didn’t meet my expectations, no big deal, I’d just say goodbye.
I guess I just had come to the conclusion that it will only take ONE person to meet the expectations I had set for my life. Just one. My expectations were no longer “too high,” because they were mine, I determined them based on the life that I wanted. And that was incredibly freeing.
So, while I continue to go on this journey of the Courage to Become… Me, I am proud of myself for stepping into the unknown and leaving the comfortable. Because of the path I chose, I’m now on the road to living my best life, with a husband by my side who met every “high” expectation I had (with ease), with a son who brings me more joy than my heart could ever dream of, and with a career that fulfills my soul on a daily basis. Yes, there are valleys, yes there are challenges, but it seems as though treading through the dark parts has consequently brought me to the light.
Guys, Katie is full of heart. She DEFINITELY makes the world a better place.
To listen to her amazing podcast - click here. You can find, Child Life On Call, on Facebook and Instagram and iTunes of course!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Elisa Botello
The Courage to: Get Divorced, Single Mom it, and STILL Chase After Your Dreams.
A week after I graduated college in May 2009, I took a trip to Amsterdam with my then boyfriend. We'd been dating since the Halloween before, and despite of how “all wrong” it was to everyone who knew us (including our own unconsciousness), I said yes when he dropped to one knee at a European café.
A short couple months later, we were PREGNANT.
And then – only 7 months after the baby was born, I left my husband.
You see, in the areas that I didn’t know him that well – I imagined him having Disney prince qualities. But that was all my hope and imagination, and they couldn’t have been more off.
He grew up in an affluent neighborhood in Austin and I grew up in a good ol' country-as-a-chicken-coop, small-East-Texas-football-obsessed-town. Our backgrounds were, but we still wanted a family. And despite how wrong we were for each other—in deal-breaking ways—our shared dream was to have the family he and I had always wanted as children but never had (as we both grew up in broken homes.)
Sadly, an idealistic family wasn't in the cards for us.
Yes, leaving my husband was the worst financial decision of my life. I'm still paying for debts we acquired. But it was THE BEST decision for me as a woman, because I immediately felt free and had the second chance to be the person I had always dreamed of being.
I was 24 and a single mom. And being a mother gave me the kick in the butt that nothing had come close to giving me. As soon as I was on my own I landed a job as a romance novel editor, and before my son reached his second birthday, I had written and published 3 novels. And now I have 7!
Seven years later, that time in my life seems like a blur. I never allowed myself a chance to stop, to think, to feel – I know now that I was lost in depression.
You know those “look at your memories” options on Facebook? A few weeks ago this memory from 7 years ago popped up.
Woke up at 5:30 to get ready for work and prepare the baby's diaper bag for daycare, then woke up a bouncing and excited Dre to get him dressed, sat in traffic so early in the morning that it was still dark, dropped off Dre (running to the door because my boss would skin my hide if I were late again), cried in the car because I won't see my baby until tomorrow afternoon since his dad has him tonight, sped to work to make it to my desk on time, worked till 5, changed into my Bone Daddy's waitress uniform in the car as I sat in traffic for another hour, served beer and burgers to an establishment full of hungry men, then just now walked in to my apartment at 1AM. When will this craziness ever end?!
Seven years later it brought me sadness that I couldn’t answer my 24 year old self with a relieving answer, and my heart broke when I realized, the craziness hadn't ended -- and it won't for some time. The life of a single mom is TOUGH.
But that's okay!
I left an unhealthy marriage, became a mother to the most amazing person to ever exist (no seriously, no “spirited” or “fiery” trait in his sweet, brave soul; the only fire that comes out in his vigilante nature is when he's standing up for anyone being bullied, a hero-complex he's had since he was 2), chased after my dream of being a writer when it seemed all odds were against me as a poor, overworked, and immature young mother, and I work my ass off every single day to keep striving.
Does 4 hours of sleep at night feel good? Hell no.
Does the fact that my multiple jobs often cause me to say no to the date invite from the guy I've been thinking about all week cause excitement? Not exactly.
And it sucks that I miss 99% of Girls Nights because my schedule is so intense that sometimes I use the restroom just to sit down.
On top of it, thinking about the endless moments and milestones I fail to witness within my only child's life causes muscle-ripping, violent, heartbreak.
BUT, at 31 - I am still finding the courage and strength chase my dream, (and now our dream since I’m part of a mother-son duo), and that feels damn good.
“The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” —Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean
Essay by: Elisa Botello
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
