Courage to Become | Hayley Hengst
“A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Hayley is one of them.
Enjoy Hayley’s story of becoming. Hayley is a writer, a great one. She has a gift and I am honored that she shared it with us. Hayley and I wrote together at Austin Moms Blog and I always admired how adept she was at sharing her point of view so beautifully with the world. She’s really something else and I know you will adore her. Please welcome, Hayley!
Hayley Hengst from On a Lighter Note
“This Stage of Life? It’s Hard”.
That was the title of a blog post I wrote about five years ago now, that went viral. Then it went viral again. Then again. It was shared over 200,000 times, reached people in at least 10 different countries, got translated into other languages, and for at least two years after writing it, I continued to receive messages and emails from people all over the world telling me how much the article impacted them....how deeply the words resonated....how relieved they were to know they weren’t the only one who felt the same range of emotions the article described.
Kids. Marriage. Sick kids. Troubled marriage. Parenting decisions. Infertility. Miscarriage. The working mom versus stay-at-home mom debate. In the stage of life where you have young kids at home, the struggle is real, and can encompass any number of difficulties.
When I wrote that article, I felt like my “stage of life” was difficult, sure, but not in a tragic way. Just in a mundane “my kid has an ear infection as I write this, my house is a mess, I can’t figure out a good sleep schedule for my newborn, and I’m completely conflicted if I want to send my kindergartner to public versus private school” kind of way.
Happily married with three kids under 6, I was a bit taken off guard by some of the emails that came flooding in as a result of that article....readers regaling me with tales of why THEIR stage of life was hard....and it was indeed difficult stuff. Children with cancer. Husbands who had left them. Financial devastation. I felt sympathetic for these people, while at the same time (if I’m being honest) relieved that my woes were more of the “normal life problem” variety.
Fast forward two years. Fast forward just TWO years, and my mom was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer.
A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.
I’ll save you all the gory details of what the three years sandwiched between THEN and NOW consisted of, but here’s what I WILL say:
When Catia reached out to me and asked me to be a part of her Courage to Become Series, I was incredibly honored. I had read some of the articles other people had written for this series, but not all of them. So I went back and read more. And thought, “um. Why did she ask me to participate in this? I’m not sure I belong in this group. What exactly HAVE I had the courage to become?”.
I thought about it or a while. What I ultimately realized, was this:
After a long hard road, years of which were spent living in the shadow of someone else...years more spent trying to rebuild what “someone else” tore apart....I simply (recently) (finally) have the Courage to just....Become.
“Become”, as in “an active, ongoing, process”. Not necessarily as in “an end-point".
Sound like a cop-out answer?
It’s not.
You see, I’d spent my entire life (well, my entire life since age 15, anyway), just “becoming” what I thought someone else (my husband) wanted me to be. That’s dumb anyway, but in my case, it didn’t even freaking pan out well.
How in the WORLD had I forgotten to ask myself questions like:
What do YOU want?
Who are YOU, separate from HIM?
What’s important to YOU?
What do you want YOUR life to be about?
I don’t know how I’d forgotten to ask those questions, but I had, and it was time to start asking them.
Had my life not fallen apart, maybe I never would have asked. I’m not sure you can become who you are meant to be UNTIL you ask.
So I'm asking them now, and if I’m being honest, the answers are still a little grey. You don’t go 36 years of life NOT thinking through those things, and then all of the sudden have clear answers to them. “Grey” is a transitionary color though, right? It’s in-between black and white. Moving from white, into black, I suppose. As I’ve begun to ask the questions and sort through the answers, here are a few things I do know:
• I want to write. Writing is what I love. It’s what I’m good at. It’s what other people tell me I’m good at. It’s what makes me feel most like me. Why had I not been doing that?
....and so I’ve started writing again. I’ve started a new blog. It’s called The Lighter Note Show. It’s taking off well. I’ve started submitting writings for other websites...and they’re getting accepted. I’ve been paid for a few. I’ve decided I’m going to write a book.
I want to co-host a podcast with one of my best friends. The overwhelming response I received to the Stage of Life blog post all those years ago made me realize that maybe more than anything else, people appreciate “relatable”. They appreciate feeling like they aren’t the only ones who feel the way they do sometimes. That other people have the same struggles and woes and awkwardness and weird thoughts. They also need an excuse to laugh sometimes. I wanted to create a podcast that provided that outlet for people. So why hadn’t I, yet?
…..and so I did. I’m not sure where it will go or what it will lead to, but I’m DOING it at least, and working on the podcast is one of my favorite parts of life right now
I want to challenge myself. I want to set goals that are hard, make a plan to achieve them, and then achieve them. I don’t want to ever become stagnant and “blah” and aimless again. When and why had I become that in the first place?
….. and so I trained for a 15 mile “heavy half” marathon this year. Ran it. And climbed a mountain, too. The highest peak in Colorado, thank you.
Possibly most importantly, I want to love my little boys well. I want them to feel loved, cherished, secure, and happy.
…..and so there is a lot of apologizing in our house. As in, “me to them”. It’s hard to be the patient, kind, gentle and loving mom you want to be when you are emotionally stretched thin, but there’s a lot to be said for apologizing. Being honest with them. Admitting mistakes. Being vocal and expressive in my love for them. Being honest about what’s hard and crappy, but also highlighting all that is good and wonderful and positive.
Some of you impressive and awe-inspiring women in this series have had the Courage to Become some pretty amazing things. You’ve become doctors. Lawyers. Life coaches. Wildly successful photographers. I’m still convinced you guys are all in a different league than me.
I feel certain though there are others of you out there who, like me, lost yourselves along the way somehow. As a result, you may not feel like you’ve “become” anything at all. While I’m certain that isn’t entirely true...you’ve become SOMETHING...you’ve become a wife, or a mother, or a beloved friend....it COULD be true that you haven’t become what you were MEANT to become. Yet. Maybe you haven’t asked yourself the important questions. Maybe you’ve spent too much time trying to become what someone ELSE wanted you to become. Maybe the fact that it’s actually POSSIBLE to become something that makes you feel proud of yourself and fulfilled has eluded you.
I’d encourage you to ask yourself the important questions:
• What do I want out of life?
• Who am I, at my core?
• What makes me feel most alive?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I good at....something I know I’m good at...others tell me I’m good at...I enjoy it....but I’m holding back?
• What am I waiting for?
It takes courage to even ask yourself the questions to begin with. It’s worth it, though.
I’d love to write the book. Have the successful podcast. Climb another mountain. Be able to pat myself on the back daily for a Parenting Job Well Done. If I do all of those things, maybe I will have “become”.
For right now though, there is a lot of beauty in the “becoming”. The process. I don’t want to speed through that.
So cheers to us...the works in progress. May we simply have the courage to BECOME...period.
About Hayley:
Hello From the Other Side
The "single gal" side, that is. The "after the dust has settled a bit" side. The "am I experiencing PTSD from the drama and trauma of the last two years?" side. Kidding, kidding. No PTSD here.
Probably anyone reading this already knows me, and could do without an "About Me". I used to write all the time, and back then, I wrote everything "about me" anyone could ever care to know, and then some, I'm sure. I wrote for Austin Moms Blog. I wrote for my own blog, Mother Freaking. I wrote for Her View From Home. I pretty much was an open book. A lot has changed in my life since then, though (a lot has stayed the same, too).
What's changed?
-I'm not married anymore. This is a negative development on almost all fronts, but I suppose the "positive" aspect of it is that my writings will no longer be chalk full of corny references to my high school sweetheart relationship, that no one wants to hear about. I mean, I thought it was cute. But I guess not. Another positive could be that maybe you'll get to hear some tales of WHAT in the actual WORLD a 38-year old who has never been single, does in the dating world? (If you have any tips or suggestions, please...by all means).
-I don't live with a man anymore. This means there is a lot of pink in my house. I've hated pink my whole life, and then suddenly it was like "If I WANTED to have pink stuff I could"...and so I did.
What's the Same?
- I'm still mama to Three Little Manimals (that's man+animal)
- They still crazy AF
- Writing is still my favorite thing in all of the world. No wait...reading. Writing is a very close second though.
- It's still a toss-up if my Happy Place is a bubble bath, sitting in front of a fire, or lying in the sun. Warmth...just give me warmth. Throw in some sort of a twinkle light situation while you're at it. Throw in a book and maybe some wine, too.
Other Things...
- I think the song "The Weight" by the The Band is the best song of all time, and no matter how many people argue this opinion (fact) with me, I'll never change my mind
- I can't shuffle cards for shit, and one actual GOAL of mine (this is pitiful) during quarantine was to "Perfect My Shuffle Game". I've got the shuffle. Still can't get the stupid bridge.
- I worked at a gym in high school. Some guys that worked there called me at the front desk, secretly, from a back office, pretending that their dad was at the gym working out, and a family emergency had occurred. They needed me to page him. His name was Mr. Jack Meoff. "Please, can you page him". I did. Multiple times. Thus revealing to the world what I already knew...I'm a bit low on common sense. It's fine. I've accepted it, and feel that likely, it means I'm a genius. Like some sort of mad scientist.
You can follow Hayley’s journey at
On a Lighter Note Facebook // On a Lighter Note
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Rachel Ritlop
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I’m Rachel, the blogger behind Confidently Mom. I often feel torn between Netflix binges and taking on the world, and Confidently Mom is really for other millennials facing the same struggle as they navigate this whole #adulting thing . I’m also a blog consultant, Forbes contributing writer, and dog mom.
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
As a kid, I always dreamt of publishing a book. I loved to write and had tons of short stories. However, my biological father is European and in his country, “left handed people are stupid.” So whenever he would catch me writing, I would have to sit at the kitchen table re-writing everything for hours with my right hand. As a seven year old, that takes a toll on you.
I slowly stopped writing, because I didn’t want to get caught and go through all of it. In high school my mom kept pushing me towards STEM classes/careers so my creative side really died. It wasn’t until a series of traumatic events my senior year of high school that I found my way back to writing as an outlet for all the emotions.
Getting started it felt totally cathartic. This deep visceral release. At the same time I was going through some intense cyber bullying, so as soon as I started to find my footing with writing again, I found myself totally afraid of the written word from my anonymous attackers. Once again, I decided to let it fall to the way side because it was just too painful.
I got lost in TV, movies, and music… avoiding the written word like the plague for another eight years. I found myself in the midst of a quarter life crisis freaking out about the unknown of my future when I said to my husband, “I’m just another confused millennial with no idea what to do with my life!”
And honestly, just like that the lightbulb went off. I bought the domain within an hour, designed a logo, built a website, wrote four posts, and “went live” to the interwebs in 48 hours! I had no idea what I was doing, where it would go, but I knew I just needed to write again.
What’s been the biggest motivating factor through my twenties, and ultimately launching my blog, has been this mission to help others. I honestly don’t think I would be alive today without the help from others. The random acts of kindness, the inspiring word, or even just feeling like I am not alone in my feelings have saved me and I hope to pass that along to others.
The other major motivator is the person I admire most, my husband. He has been with me through starting a business, pivoting that business, and gave me the courage to evolve it into a true lifestyle business that not only supports me, but supports my mission in life.
Alright… to answer your other questions:
Which talent would you most like to have?
I honestly have no idea! I think a skill I would like to get better with is my writing. Since I avoided english classes like the plague for years, I could definitely use a grammar refresher!
What is your most marked characteristic?
My honesty. I am a little too honest at times, and it’s definitely gotten me in trouble. But I believe in transparency and honesty if we want to grow or help others grow.
What is your motto?
“What other choice do you have?” - I’ve learned that life is going to happen, and all we can control is our reaction to it. I try to always lead with grace and dignity, even if I just want to throw a temper tantrum.
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
I’m proud of a lot actually so this is hard. Honestly, I am just really proud of how far I’ve come with my anxiety and depression. That I have a loving husband. I’ve been able to connect with so many amazing people through my blog, and support myself from my blog as well!
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee deep in mud?
My readers! They send me lots of emails, DMs, comments, and positive vibes to get through it all. In my experience community and sharing our struggles is what makes walking with them a little less burdensome.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Keep your eyes on your own lane. If you’re focusing on what everyone else is doing, you’ll only become a consumer. If you want to build a lifestyle business or become a professional blogger, you need to have an original POV, and that will get watered down if you are reading every single thing published on the internet in your niche. For more advice I’d give on starting a blog, I’d recommend checking out these lessons from my first year blogging.
I hope to connect with you guys on Instagram, Twitter, or You Tube.
Essay by: Rachel Ritlop
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Ashely Solberg
Dearest beauties, my name is Ashley Solberg, and I’m the founder of She Is Blank Space. Myself and fifteen other ladies joined together to start a blog where we share about life, fashion, beauty and the things we love as moms. We believe there is strength in our stories as I learned strength in mine the hard way. Silently hiding behind my pain, I got nowhere, but once I spoke of what I had come through, I realized how much we need courage in ourselves to encourage others.
One day, I woke up.
No, not by the beeping of my alarm clock or my kids poking me in the side before sunrise, but I WOKE up.
My innermost being was so lost, confused, and just flat out blah.
Everyday…crickets.
I absolutely could not answer the question of who I was anymore. Sad, right? Yeah, I thought so too. This started a long downward before an upward one. It was a lot of questioning and addressing things I was holding onto before I could start moving forward. I dug in deep, cried a lot of tears from past hurts, anger, and whatever else I needed to face. This was hard for me, a person that seemingly had it all together, to admit defeat and that I was failing at “life.”
In general, nothing about life was bad. I had a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a great paying salary job and by God’s grace, we’ve always had everything we needed. Something was missing though. That spark--I lacked passion and zeal. I allowed my light to be dimmed.
My bright light, little by little, diminished. The fight of infertility testing, waiting, hoping, with nothingness—dimmed. After finally achieving a long-awaited pregnancy, we found out we were having twins—my light started to come back. Five months into the pregnancy, one of our perfect, sweet girls had a portion of her amniotic sac break away and entangle her foot and cord. The day before fetal surgery, it caused her to go on from this life far too soon. I could not grieve, I had to carry her, I had to be strong for our baby still with us. I carried joy and sorrow for so long I didn’t know how to feel just one—light extinguished.
We named our daughter that was with us, Ella Joy, which means a bright light of joy. Every day I clung to her so tightly amidst my tears of thankfulness and sadness. For hours, I would just watch her breathe. Becoming a mother was everything I could have hoped for, I truly loved her with every fiber and then some. Every milestone first I was truly happy at watching her grow, but I also felt like someone was missing.
At my worst point, I guarded myself by avoiding going anywhere completely and when I did, fleeing as soon as I could to avoid a breakdown when someone asked the “are you ok?” question. I guess I knew if I allowed myself to truly process, it would hurt too bad, so I just kept going, delaying my grief even longer. The saddest part of all of it, is I knew better. I realized that battle would always be and I had a decision to make of how much I wanted to fight it.
When my daughter was 18 months old, I felt like I was ready to walk through the infertility treatments again towards another little one. Things happened much faster this time as we knew what treatment course worked. We were pregnant, and not just pregnant, but doubly pregnant. Yes, you heard that right…twins, twice. We were over the moon, but also fearful. This whole mix of emotions seemed to be a thing for us and I grew tired of it. A few months pregnant, I decided enough was enough and I was just going to be happy where we were at minus the fear part. I enjoyed every bit of the pregnancy and my little toddler sidekick by my side. The twins were born at 33 weeks, but being a NICU nurse at the time (funny how life’s seasons prepare you for what you need), I was comforted by my co-workers as I stayed by their side and stuffed them full of milk for nine days prior to going home.
Then, well…life. Along with experiencing the loss of our Emmy before, becoming an exhausted new mom again (I seriously don’t remember the babies first six months with that kind of tired), but mostly going through the motions and convincing myself I was ok where I was just trying to stay afloat.
Things were different last year when all this She Is Blank Space business started, and although I remembered those feelings, I needed to discover what God wanted for me right now instead of clinging to my past and those coulda-woulda-shoulda thoughts. I had a new perspective and needed to filter through what that all meant.
After the air finally cleared for me, it seemed like everyone I knew was fighting against things in their health, marriages, kids-- anything and everything.
And then it happened, this pivotal moment that caused everything to collide. I remembered. I remembered what it felt like to be a part of something bigger than me, I remembered the things I dreamed about as a teen that I wondered how they would happen, I remembered what it should mean to be a great friend.
Out of the normal for this fairly quiet individual, I posted a random video of encouragement for others as I was also speaking to myself. Out of my own path I was still walking, this door opened my heart for others again. Even as I pleaded for someone else to be picked, because surely, I was in no position to do this, I could not escape my butterflies. It became evident I just needed to jump into something REALLY out of my comfort zone. As someone with a supportive family and amazing circle, I knew that we were very blessed and not everyone had this. What better place to offer this to others than on a website that could reach far beyond what I could physically.
So, what to call this new venture? I was drawing a blank (see where I’m going?). How do I categorize this when I want it to reach all women in different phases of life? It was impossible to put a label on it, and one morning while changing one of the twins’ diaper, it came to me…”She Is Blank Space.” No, not the void kind of blank space, but the blank space gets filled in with something. She is…confident, a college gal, rocking at mommy’ing, learning to be whole...you get the idea. This name allows us to talk about things in the present, but also towards the future and what we are striving after as we walk the oh so many shoes we fill as women.
I knew I couldn’t do this alone as we all have a story to tell and I asked around fifteen other women to join alongside me. Some of us are married, mothers, others in college still finding out what we want in life, some love to exercise, some love fashion and so on. Can I just point out how amazing they all are? We are always better together as women supporting each other.
While you could give me all the fun parts of what we share like food and DIY all day, my hope for She Is Blank Space is for each woman to find community and encouragement from other women who have been there or are there. Although I wanted this to happen right away, we had to build our foundation and I also had to transition out of my full time job to devote the time needed. I knew it would happen, but in the meantime, remained faithful to my job as a nurse, staying up super late to prep things for the next day for posts and social media so I could use my break time to get them published. We started to bring in a steady stream of income between working with other companies and our shop, but it wasn’t quite lining up to my salary. Keep in mind, I was completely clueless about web and graphic design, traffic flow, utilizing social media for things other than posting pictures of my kids!
Around the nine month mark since our launch, it became clear we weren’t going to grow any farther until I had more time to give. With three kids five and under, being a wife, full time nurse and being involved in ministry, the only thing that could change was my job. So, I handed in my two weeks notice, which they were not happy about losing me, but understood. That leap was hard y’all; I knew the hubby and I could survive on Ramen noodles if we had to, but our kids could not. However, I had such peace knowing that this dream would not have given me without a way being made.
And boy did that happen. Money came in from a random account I had with my old job equivalent to a month's pay, one of my husband’s pay checks that never got deposited was discovered, our mortgage went down and so on. I remained baffled by this whole process, but it’s amazing to see seeds that have been planted over the course of my life blooming into something I never would have imagined for myself.
So here we are, right in the middle of this amazing venture, and it’s time. It’s time to dig in a little deeper, truly bringing realness, vulnerability, love. In a world full of perfect social media pictures, we are going to those places that are hard, but necessary for growth. As a person with a love of gardening, it’s easiest to explain it this way: before new blooms can be achieved on a tree or plant, you must trim back the branches. It seems like it doesn’t make any sense to “hurt” the plant, but it triggers it to say, “hey, I’ve got work to do, I’m stagnant, I’ve stopped growing, I’ve wilted, I need to wake up, I need to grow again.”
So how about we bloom together as we find our courage to become, ok? Life is far too short to be walked out without purpose or in dry, empty places. For you, your friends, your family-let’s jump into our dreams together and allow ourselves to be willing to hear and act upon the tugs of our hearts.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Allison Mack
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~ Maya Angelou
I love this quote. I live my life by this quote. When the opportunity to write about the “Courage to Become” fell into my lap my first thought was, gosh I haven’t really “become” anything. I’m a pretty ordinary person. I’m just me. I started to dig deep and really take a hard look back on my past, my history, my childhood, my parents, and what defines me, what doesn’t define me, but overall, what makes me… me.
I really feel pretty lucky that I’ve become a lot of amazing things - I’ve become a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend to countless, but I’ve also had the blessing of becoming a business owner of an empowering community of women called, Austin Moms Blog and sometimes also known as my 4th child.
The condensed version of me is that I grew up in Austin, TX, lived in the same house my entire life and attended Westwood High School where my mother was {and still is} a teacher. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and my sister and I are almost 10 years apart {I’m the baby} so in essence I grew up slightly like the only child…or so I’ve been told.
For as long as I can remember, I was always outgoing, tenacious, and loved being around people… a true extrovert. I was a cheerleader, trained in English Equestrian for several years, joined the FFA where I raised a lamb {we never made it to the slaughter trailer — my heart just couldn’t do it}, started competing in beauty pageants my Freshman year in high school, graduated from the University of Texas in Austin, and ultimately met my best friend, Wesley, who I would later marry and have 3 beautiful children with. Whew… that’s me in a outer surface nut shell and the longest sentence EVER.
My years in pageantry really set me up big time for what I’m doing in life now — I mean I can strut in a pair of heels while holding a crying baby on my hip, holding another’s hand, leading another with my knee, and still have room to throw in a hair flip all while my lips are glossed and my eyeliner is winged. That’s talent right there, people. In all seriousness though, pageantry really did help prepare me for being a business owner as well as a mom. I definitely don’t regret my pageant days.
Throughout my competition years I endured countless hours of training to make sure I was the best version of me. I know it sounds so cliche, but I really do believe that pageants bring out the best of who YOU were meant to be. I spent the most amount of time training for interview and public speaking. I also spent time learning how to walk in heels, how to put on false eyelashes, how to get my hair closer to God {it’s called a teasing comb}, and more, but my weakest area was always speaking in public.
When I look back at all of that training I kind of smile. It seemed like nonsense once my pageant days were over, but I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that training now that I’m older. As the owner of Austin Moms Blog, I make some sort of media appearance at least twice a month. Whether I’m on the news, speaking to a University of Texas advertising class, or connecting with other moms at an event, I’m now extremely comfortable speaking in public. I still get nervous, but I now know that at least I won’t suck when I do have to do it.
Austin Moms Blog is an opportunity that truly fell into my lap. It wasn’t something I was looking for, but I really feel like it was looking for me. In fact, my dream in life was to be a mom. Nothing more, nothing less, “just” a mom. Life had bigger plans for me. My husband had bigger plans for me. A friend had bigger plans for me. My children had bigger plans for me. And in the summer of 2011, after being a mom for just 1 very long year, a friend and I decided to launch Austin Moms Blog. It would be our hobby, a place where we could talk about all things mommy, a resource of sorts for other moms in the Austin community, a judgment free zone, and safe place. Now I juggle being “just” that mom as well as managing a business that requires at least {if not more} 30-40 hours of true work per week. 6 years later, I’m reminded that when you’re doing something you are passionate about that it can often lead to something pretty special.
Starting Austin Moms Blog made perfect sense because honestly, there was zero pressure and we were moms starting a moms blog. I mean duh. The way we looked at it was this was truly just for fun! I believe that’s what has made AMB so successful - we started from a really organic and authentic place in our lives. Moms just being moms. Eventually other moms kind of started to like us, which was awesome!
Austin Moms Blog Executive Team
When we first launched Austin Moms Blog we knew that there were similar resources out there for parents so we made every effort to try to be different. In the very beginning when AMB was just a newborn, we really didn’t have a lot of direction or guidance so it was just us trying to navigate as we went along. It wasn’t until we started bringing on a team of writers that AMB’s legs really grew and we were able to set ourselves apart from the rest as not just a resource, not just event focused, not just community driven, not just a contributing team, not just a one mom perspective, but ALL of that wrapped up under one umbrella. Diversity in our team is our #1 goal, because we recognize that all moms are different with different backgrounds, parenting styles, and that we are all at different stages of motherhood. Our team is 50 strong and we try really hard to embody all of those differences so we can touch all moms not just the ones that are like us.
Austin Moms Blog Contributing Team
I started this journey with a Maya Angelou quote and it’s literally something I say {condensed version, of course}, whenever I’m faced with adversity or in times that simply put, aren’t going my way. When you focus on the good, it’s hard to be saddened by the bad. Austin Moms Blog is good. I’m reminded of that daily by our current team, our past contributing writers, and even by our readers. We are ALL good good mamas no matter what our path to motherhood was, regardless of how many children we have, and despite our differences. That’s why I’m so proud to have become the behind the scenes voice of such a powerful platform as Austin Moms Blog.
A Few Fun Little Facts::
• Which living person do you most admire? This is tough. There are at least 2 handfuls of people that I truly admire so it wouldn’t be fair to call out only one. I will say that characteristics I admire most in people are “hard-working, driven, strong sense of humor, well-spoken, kind, dedicated, intelligent, faithful, successful {at something…anything!}, not afraid to show raw emotion, and open-mindedness”.
• Which talent would you most like to have? I wish so much that I knew how to play the piano. I know I know… it’s not too late to start, BUT it’s just not something I have the patience to learn this late in life. It’s one of those talents I wish I could just snap my fingers and magically have.
• What is your most marked characteristic? My hair.
• What are some things you are proud to have accomplished? I’m incredibly proud that I’m a UT graduate…it really wasn’t in the cards for me to go to an accredited university, but that tenaciousness came out in full force and I was determined to get ‘er done.
• What are some hopes you have for your future? I think my biggest hope is to watch my children grow into their own little people, which means I get to grow old {YAY!}. And I mean that…I’ll be ridiculously lucky if I get the chance to be full of wrinkles, gray hair, and live the journey my children and my husband take me on. If AMB went away tomorrow, I’d still be incredibly fulfilled.
• What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on? Do it {whatever “it” is} because you love it and it’s a passion, not because you need it or are trying to profit. If you’re truly doing what you love, it’s not really work.
Essay by: Allison Mack
To keep up with Allison's adventures be sure to follow along!
Austin Moms Blog // Facebook // Instagram
Waco Moms Blog // Facebook // Instagram
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Betsy Pake
I’ve always been a ‘doer’. My whole life I liked lists and forms and a specific outline for how to ‘do’. Which is why I find my journey so comical because nothing about it has followed a path that could be written on a check list.
Like most women, I wear lots of hats. I’m a mom and a wife and a dreamer of big things. I’m a writer and I love to help people get in touch with their passion and purpose to live authentically. I do this by helping them ‘Start Small to Live Big’.
I’ve tried a lot of different things over the years, and had some great successes. I built a career in sales and owned my own business, I did some incredible things with my fitness, ran a marathon and won bronze medal in the Pan American games in Olympic Lifting and owned a CrossFit gym.
But it wasn’t until my daughter started having extreme anxiety that I found my true purpose. She was eleven and was having anxiety attacks at school. After going from doctor after doctor, I learned it was her amygdala, that controls your freeze, fight or flight response, that gets over stimulated and causes her to have these attacks even when there is no real threat or danger.
I was working as a nutrition coach at the time, and I recognized this same thing in my clients but on a much smaller scale. I would ask them to do something outside of their comfort zone, something that would make them grow, and they froze. When we would do our follow up a week later, they would tell me they wanted to do it, but they had some resistance they couldn’t explain.
It was how my daughter explained her anxiety, just on a smaller scale.
So I started experimenting with both my daughter and my clients, giving them something SO small that they could basically tip toe past their amygdala. If they went small enough, that freeze, fight or flight response was never triggered and each time they did something new they effectively pushed the threshold farther and farther.
My clients started doing things they never thought they could do before, and my daughter was having success too. Today, she goes to the biggest high school in Georgia, with over 4,000 kids, and thrives.
I believe that we are all candles, but we have to fall into the darkness to know what we were really meant for.
I think that is what happened with me. As this was unfolding, I realized my purpose was much bigger than I originally anticipated and I decided to make the leap to do this work and I pushed my business of nutrition coaching aside. It was so exciting and so terrifying all at the same time.
I was building steadily with my nutrition business, had a best selling book on Amazon and although I wasn’t living large with my paychecks, I felt happy knowing I was contributing to our family. But something never felt right. It was scary to leave that small cocoon of security and turn my back on that path. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t the direction I was truly meant to be on and when my true path became clear, I recognized it and took the leap.
When I decided to change my focus, I had deep discussions with my husband about my plans. We determined a time frame that I could be without income and what I thought my steps should be. I was realistic and as we’ve reached each benchmark, we’ve talked and made decisions together.
I slowly closed my nutrition business, as each client felt successful and graduated, I didn’t replace them with someone else. I wrote a new book about my work with Starting Small called Start Small, Live Big: Thrive through change to live the life of your dreams. I started speaking, sharing at schools, talking to anyone who would listen! I feel like I have a great message that can help people and as the mission became clear, it became easier and easier to see the path.
I am still growing and changing every day. Some days I feel like the things I’ve learned in the past few months could fill up another book entirely. I’ve learned that growth isn’t for the weak and if you’ve got a mission to help people you have to be willing to deal with some of the hard stuff in your own life too.
One of my biggest obstacles has been staying in my zone of genius. When we are getting started as entrepreneurs we have to do lots of things that we aren’t great at because we may not have the money to outsource those things right away. I find doing ‘batch’ days really helps me. This is where I focus on just recording my podcasts, or just writing blog posts, or just creating graphics for an entire day. It keeps me focused and if its something I don’t enjoy, I don’t have to dread it day after day, I just get it out of the way all at once. This process really helps my creativity and staying positive, which is vital for someone working for themselves.
Someone I really admire is Glennon Doyle Melton. She’s an author, a truth teller and an incredible speaker. She took a dark time in her life, learned from it and now shares with others so we don’t all feel so alone. I think being that authentic is a special gift.
One talent I wish I had was to be able to sing! I sing in the car and in the shower, but when my daughter was young she heard me singing and started to cry. I knew right then there probably wasn’t a singing career in my future! I’m okay with that.
When my friends think of me, I think they probably think I’m super positive. I practice gratitude every day. There is so much goodness around us and our lives are truly what we focus on.
My motto is Start Small Live Big, because there is NOTHING you can’t accomplish if you break it down small enough. Nothing!
I’m most proud that I have raised such a kind daughter. I’ve asked her before, “What do you think I’d want most for your life?” She hesitated and said, “I was going to say happiness but I think it’s for me to be kind.” Absolutely. Kind people are happy people. Kind people are brave people. We have two choices in this world and two choices only; Love or Fear. Always shoot to choose love.
I hope in the future more roads will open up to me where I can work to serve others. Maybe it will be with more speaking opportunities and holding workshops or maybe in some other way I haven’t even thought of yet. I feel confident that my path is set, I just have to trust and take action on the ideas and opportunities that come to me.
One piece of advice I’d give to women who are just embarking on their journey is to figure out where you want to go and then set up small steps to get there! You can move mountains if you chunk it down. Take action when it comes to you. Ideas are little gifts from the universe so don’t let them pass you by. If you can’t take action right then, write them down and save them for later. You may not end up doing that exact action, but it may lead to some other creative path that is on your journey.
Find some mentors. If you can’t find them live, find them in books. There is so much to learn from others who have gone before you and although your path is unique, knowing that the challenges you face are universal and can be overcome will give you strength in the dark times.
I just LOVE Betsy's story - her piece is chock full of wisdom and encouragement!
Make sure to keep up with Betsy here:
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Carrie Maddux
Becoming A Mom
I always wanted to be a mom. I have often said that I felt my calling in life was to be a mom. I did not know how else to explain it.
In 2012, we welcomed our first baby girl. Although words couldn't describe my happiness, I was also plagued with postpartum blues, exhaustion, and adjusting to our new normal. Seriously, where are the parenting classes that teach you real life scenarios?
Once I settled into my new role as a stay at home mom, I realized it can be a bit isolating. There I was with everything I could possibly want. It was perfect on paper. Stay at home mom, loving husband, a healthy & beautiful newborn, but I felt alone on most days. So, I began to search for ways to get involved and have adult interaction.
Becoming an Austin Moms Blog Contributor
I quickly became a huge fan of Austin Moms Blog and followed their blogs from day one. I admired those women for being raw and sharing their real life mom moments. I noticed an open contributor call on Facebook one day and decided to apply for it. I always found writing to be very cathartic and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do something for myself. Fortunately, they invited me to be a contributor and I had no clue how it would impact my life. Writing gave me a purpose and I quickly gained a new “village” of women to call my friends.We welcomed our second baby girl in 2014 and I did not experience any of the postpartum blues or isolation like I did the first time. Having a purpose and a village truly makes a difference!
Becoming My Stronger Self
In early 2016, my husband went through a transition with his job and it pushed us close to rock bottom. I can say with every ounce of my being that our love for one another is unbreakable after going through that obstacle together. We both admitted that going through a tough transition and losing your main source of income can create a lot of stress on a marriage and your family unit. Money doesn’t make you happy, but it definitely makes life easier. We learned to lean on each other and our faith.
Even when times get tough, you still have to show up and be a parent. You still have to pretend like everything is okay because my two and four year old need me. Life lessons have a way of knocking you to your knees and allowing you to stand up stronger than ever before. I did not let many people know about our situation. I am the usual smile and say everything is good type person; however, I remained sane thanks to my village.
See the common theme here?
My friends will tell you that I kept begging for a sign. I needed God to plant that sign in my front yard in big bold letters. “Let Go and Let God” was my motto. In June 2016, we relocated to Oklahoma for a job opportunity. I cried many nights about losing my village and starting over again. It wasn't just my husband and myself starting over. We now had two young girls that were going through this with us, however; it was the “sign” and fresh start we prayed over. We survived a big move with two toddlers and settled into our new home.
Like I mentioned above, I always said my calling had something to do with being a mom, but I did not know why. I began searching for a local blog similar to Austin Moms Blog, but could not find anything.
I so desperately wanted to find a resource in our new city, but kept coming up short. That is when I decided to purchase and start Tulsa Moms Blog. I have been known to be impulsive at times, but this was taking a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Writing behind a computer is one thing, but owning my OWN business? It was exhilarating and nerve racking at the same time.
Starting Tulsa Moms Blog allowed me to connect moms on and offline in our community and provide a positive resource for moms in all stages of life. I was getting ready to launch the blog and we got some bad news about my husband’s new job. Yes, we relocated our entire family for this job. I’ll spare you all of the details, but Tulsa turned into one big disaster. We lost our main source of income AGAIN, we made an investment into my new venture, and barely moved into our new home. We decided we had nothing to lose at this point and my husband applied for his dream job in Waco, TX.
Waco has always been near and dear to our hearts, so it wasn’t as spontaneous as it might come across. After a month, we decided to write it off and focus our attention to more local jobs. Then, on a random Thursday afternoon he got the call. They wanted him to come in and apply for the position. We finally had a glimmer of hope and words cannot express our happiness when they hired him!
I put Tulsa Moms Blog on hold and we relocated to Waco last month.
Since moving to Waco, God has clearly planted all of the signs here. That large sign in big bold letter that I was praying for is planted here. I have never been tested this much to rely on the cliche phrase “God will always provide”, but he does indeed.
Mamas let me tell you, having your spouse or partner truly HAPPY with his career is life changing in itself.
While Tulsa Moms Blog did not ever come to fruition, be on the lookout for Waco Moms Blog.
I am proud to be a part of City Moms Blog Network and passionate about connecting local moms together.
At the end of the day, you cannot teach adaptability and my girls showed me tremendous grace this past year. They pushed me to be a stronger version of myself and accept challenges head on. I look back on my younger self who once felt like an isolated new mom and cannot help but laugh. Although that is how I felt at the time, I had no idea the wild ride I would be on years later. Everything truly happens for a reason.
Cheers to 2017!
Essay by: Carrie Maddux
You can connect with Carrie on Instagram , Facebook and at Waco Moms Blog
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Anastasia Rodriguez Perez
Hope for Becoming a Virtual Entrepreneur ||
I always wanted to own my own business and “be the boss”. As a teacher, this prospect felt quite distant. In my sixth year of teaching, however, all of that changed. I was going to be a mom for the first time that summer and needed to figure out childcare in a town where we had no family. Maybe I’d work from home. How hard could that be?
I’m a techie at heart with a background in design and found myself making a critical decision with my husband when we started having kids. After teaching math for six years, I was going to stay home with my little man.
That’s when I started leaning back on my passion and my design degree. I studied architecture design at MIT and soon after completed a masters program focusing on instructional technology. Little did I know that what started as a few graphics and an Etsy shop would eventually connect me with a local parenting blog when I moved back to the Rio Grande Valley as a parent of two.
I have always leaned towards finding my place in the world by trying to help others and do something that matters. Along the way, when I have struggled with “what I’m doing with my life”, it almost always boiled down to the fact that what I was doing just wasn’t that important.
Teaching and being a mom matter. That’s a no brainer. Teaching fired me up and got me going every day thinking about how many kids I could convince that math was cool.
But what else could matter as much?
A Budding Entrepreneur
Getting started as a graphic designer once I had a newborn meant jumping at every opportunity to create and really selling myself short most of the time. I believed in myself but wasn’t sure others would. Looking back now, there were times when I absolutely worked for free, barely covering my expenses. This is what so many graphic designers do, especially since it’s such a saturated market. I yearned to create and this was filling my need to work and contribute to my family.
Now I know the value of my work, and I know the value of my time. Having kids means learning a new way of life and wondering where all the time has gone. Raising kids means making choices about how to spend time with them and balance work as well.
Sales were important, but something that used to make me squeamish. I have found now that when it’s tied in to something I believe in and am passionate about, my heart is all in. It has been scary to put myself out there and market what I do – graphic design and now blogging and running the RGV Moms Blog.
ARG Photographs
Taking Myself Seriously
Working from home has meant a constant struggle and exploration with boundaries. Where in the house should I work? First it was a little corner closet where I would try and work really early in the morning and then late at night. Ideally the kids would be sleeping. This wasn’t always the case. Mostly they all napped at different times and woke up throughout the night for years.
Then I moved into the kitchen so I could watch and interact with the kids while hoping to sneak in a few minutes of editing here and creating there. That was a bust.
So I bought a cute little desk and claimed a corner of the living room. This was a huge step in the right direction but that, too, did not last. By this time I had my third son, born before my oldest turned three. Now working from home meant leaning more and more on my husband, my mother, and my mother-in-law to help watch and play with the kids so I could steal a couple of hours of work here and there to fill orders and manage the blog. It really does take a village.
Finally a Blogging Mom
I started blogging with my first born, just so my family could see pictures and hear funny stories. Secretly I dreamed about having readers that sought out my stories and couldn’t wait to read what I was going to post next. So when my friend asked if I’d join her moms blog in early 2014 I couldn’t think of a better hobby.
The hobby quickly became much more than that. I still remember my husband asking me beforehand how involved I was going to be. He knew me too well. I don’t just sit on the bench. I was all in. First a contributor, then an editor, then I partnered up with my friend to be co-owner of the blog and help manage every aspect of it.
Our moms blog is a great platform for reaching local moms. I feel like we have a tremendous opportunity and also a great responsibility to connect moms and really develop community. This is something that matters. This blog is important and it is serving a greater sphere than just my own.
The WAHM Reality
In my mind, working from home was going to be quite romantic. We’d craft all day long and read books every hour on the hour. We do read lots of books, so there was some truth there. They’d patiently wait while I took a business call and they’d understand when I had to work on a graphic for half an hour. We’d work in tandem, all of us. Me and my boys.
Instead my house is noisy, chaotic, pretty much always littered with toys and play things, and I love it. Sure, I wish I could keep it all clean and that they could do the same.
I also work on shutting off work for dedicated family time. This has been one of my biggest hurdles. It’s hard, y’all. I think everyone can relate to the struggle with electronics invading our lives. When every single aspect of your work is tied to your phone and computer, it is even harder to unplug. It also looks like I’m doing nothing to most people, so that’s another thing.
I shied away from talking about my work for so long and worried family and friends just wouldn’t understand or give it value. It isn’t a career that fits in a neatly packaged box. I now feel courage to embrace what I do and talk anyone’s ear off about it if they are willing to listen. I love that I have been afforded a chance to raise my kids and carve time out of every day to manage my virtual entrepreneurship.
I hope that any woman considering a similar path knows that it take commitment. It takes a village. But it also takes belief in yourself and many, many cups of coffee for late nights and early mornings, and it is all very much worth it.
Doesn't Anastasia's story leave you wanting more! Me too!! When we teased Anastasia's blog last week, she received a virtual standing ovation from the internet - it was heart warming to see. She has obviously touched so many lives - I am honored she lent her story to our Sister Stories of Hope.
You can connect with Anasatsia here:
RGV Moms Blog -
WEBSITE || FACEBOOK || TWITTER || INSTAGRAM || PINTEREST
Pink Texas Designs -
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr
The Courage to Become Fulfilled
When Catia invited me to share my story of courage in this inspiring series, I felt relieved that she and I met during my thirtieth year of life; had she propositioned me any sooner, well, then there might not have been a story to tell. This year has been the year of my becoming.
Perhaps I am a late bloomer. Maybe it is that I spent many years devoting my gifts to nurturing the blossoming of others: my husband and our marriage, our two growing boys, my many younger siblings, and the countless people I hold dear. You see, while those who know me most intimately would tell you that I have always lived a courageous life, the truth is that I am only just beginning to break free from fear and find fulfillment.
It isn’t to say that my childhood wasn’t fulfilling. My mother, a relentlessly heroic single mama, taught me grit and perseverance. We found smiles in simplicity. I was the girl who sat beneath the crooked branches of the mesquite trees in my South Texas backyard filling my journal with poetry. In the fifth grade, I earned the title of “Texas Rising Star” and had a poem published. It was my first taste of seeing my words in print. I was hooked. When interviewed at an awards banquet and asked whom I planned to be when I grew up, I confidently proclaimed that I would be a journalist and published author. In my ten-year-old heart, it was destiny. What could ever stand in my way?
Yet, over the course of my life, my fearlessness faded. My poetry became darker; my journals more filled with angst, until, at last, writing ceased altogether. I could tell you of all of the experiences that diminished my feminine power: the assaults upon my body and spirit, which profoundly affected my self worth for years to come. Experiences that shaped my perception of the world, leading me to believe that love wasn’t truly love without pain; life couldn’t truly be lived without aching. And women were intended to slowly fade away.
But that isn’t the story I want to tell you today, and the sobering truth is, if you are a woman reading this account, you likely have your own stories of injustice layered somewhere within your soul, amongst the songs of triumph and gladness.
No, I want to tell you about the day that I decided that I was courageous enough to seek fulfillment. The moment when I realized I was bold enough to become.
Before I could begin my ascent, however, I had to stop and confront my discontent.
It is difficult as a mother to say the words aloud: I long for something more. I was living a life many dream of; a life I had dreamed of myself. A man who wanted nothing more than to provide happiness and stability loved me, fully, and I loved him in return. I was healing past wounds. Growing into myself. We had welcomed two remarkable boys into the world; their ability to see every miniscule moment as marvelous brought me profound joy. Staying home to care for and homeschool them was a gift. Life wasn’t always perfect, and it was rarely easy, but it was ours.
Yet, I continued to struggle internally with feelings of worthlessness, while wearing a brave smile for the world. I played the part of gracious wife, gentle mother, patient teacher, and with each year that passed, with every moment that I spent pouring my soul into others, I felt myself drifting further and further away from the girl who once occupied my body. The girl who dreamed. The girl who put pencil to paper and wrote the words dancing in her head. The girl who believed that everyone had a story to tell. That every voice mattered. (Even my own.)
Had I not had my daughter, I might not have ever found that girl again.
We sat in the postpartum room alone together in the stillness of the night. My new beautiful baby, hours old, felt so delicate in my embrace, somehow smaller than her two brothers had been, yet her eyes were alert with wonder. She was tiny, but she exuded power. A deeply profound sense of urgency filled me as we held each other’s gaze; an urgency to become the woman I had always imagined myself to be.
How would I ever begin to teach her that she could be anything, anything, she desired, if I could not face my fears and manifest my own desires?
In the weeks that followed the fiery urgency grew; it was as if a small spark of possibility had grown into a passionately raging fire. Though I had been able to ignore it in the years that had preceded, there was no putting it out this time. There were moments that were uncomfortable, as I reconciled the fact that motherhood alone could not sustain me. For years, I hid behind the guise of the giver, acting as though my life were too busy to be able to give to myself. Yet, it wasn’t about all of the moments spent mothering. It wasn’t even about the fear trying and failing.
I was afraid to become, because if I did, I just might discover how powerful I could truly be.
(Spoiler alert: I jumped in headfirst and did it anyway.)
Laptop balanced against my knees, my six-week-old daughter nursed eagerly at my breast as the debit card shook between my trembling fingers. I purchased my little corner of the internet. A blog. A space for the words suppressed for a decade to finally exist.
As the clock counted down to a new year, tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks. “You can be anything you choose to become, baby girl. And I am going to show you it is true.”
It has been eleven months since that fateful night; they have been some of the most transformative of my life. As a mom who had her babies young and didn’t finish college, I’ve found the courage to apply for freelance writing jobs, and I have earned them. I’ve seen my words published and shared in places I have only dreamed of. I’ve met women who inspire me to share my truth and speak it loudly.
My stories are no longer shouting at me from the insides, begging to be written; out of my body and into the light they have come. And even if no one ever read them at all, it wouldn’t matter, because that has never been the point. There is joy in knowing they exist, because through their existence, I exist.
Not as Aimee: the once broken and now pieced-back-together girl. Not as Aimee: the wife, the mother, the friend; though coveted roles they all may be.
I exist as Aimee: the one with the divine gift.
(As each of you are also called to exist.)
And when my old companion fear begins to raise her voice? I look her in the eye. Aloud, I cry, “I am ready to accept the gifts offered to me,” tilting my head a little higher than even fear can stand.
Most of all, I am beginning to understand the gravity of Dr. Brene Brown’s message when she told us that “any gift that goes unused becomes a burden.”
I feel the weight of my longing lifting, and I have never felt more alive.
Essay by: Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Elisa Botello
The Courage to: Get Divorced, Single Mom it, and STILL Chase After Your Dreams.
A week after I graduated college in May 2009, I took a trip to Amsterdam with my then boyfriend. We'd been dating since the Halloween before, and despite of how “all wrong” it was to everyone who knew us (including our own unconsciousness), I said yes when he dropped to one knee at a European café.
A short couple months later, we were PREGNANT.
And then – only 7 months after the baby was born, I left my husband.
You see, in the areas that I didn’t know him that well – I imagined him having Disney prince qualities. But that was all my hope and imagination, and they couldn’t have been more off.
He grew up in an affluent neighborhood in Austin and I grew up in a good ol' country-as-a-chicken-coop, small-East-Texas-football-obsessed-town. Our backgrounds were, but we still wanted a family. And despite how wrong we were for each other—in deal-breaking ways—our shared dream was to have the family he and I had always wanted as children but never had (as we both grew up in broken homes.)
Sadly, an idealistic family wasn't in the cards for us.
Yes, leaving my husband was the worst financial decision of my life. I'm still paying for debts we acquired. But it was THE BEST decision for me as a woman, because I immediately felt free and had the second chance to be the person I had always dreamed of being.
I was 24 and a single mom. And being a mother gave me the kick in the butt that nothing had come close to giving me. As soon as I was on my own I landed a job as a romance novel editor, and before my son reached his second birthday, I had written and published 3 novels. And now I have 7!
Seven years later, that time in my life seems like a blur. I never allowed myself a chance to stop, to think, to feel – I know now that I was lost in depression.
You know those “look at your memories” options on Facebook? A few weeks ago this memory from 7 years ago popped up.
Woke up at 5:30 to get ready for work and prepare the baby's diaper bag for daycare, then woke up a bouncing and excited Dre to get him dressed, sat in traffic so early in the morning that it was still dark, dropped off Dre (running to the door because my boss would skin my hide if I were late again), cried in the car because I won't see my baby until tomorrow afternoon since his dad has him tonight, sped to work to make it to my desk on time, worked till 5, changed into my Bone Daddy's waitress uniform in the car as I sat in traffic for another hour, served beer and burgers to an establishment full of hungry men, then just now walked in to my apartment at 1AM. When will this craziness ever end?!
Seven years later it brought me sadness that I couldn’t answer my 24 year old self with a relieving answer, and my heart broke when I realized, the craziness hadn't ended -- and it won't for some time. The life of a single mom is TOUGH.
But that's okay!
I left an unhealthy marriage, became a mother to the most amazing person to ever exist (no seriously, no “spirited” or “fiery” trait in his sweet, brave soul; the only fire that comes out in his vigilante nature is when he's standing up for anyone being bullied, a hero-complex he's had since he was 2), chased after my dream of being a writer when it seemed all odds were against me as a poor, overworked, and immature young mother, and I work my ass off every single day to keep striving.
Does 4 hours of sleep at night feel good? Hell no.
Does the fact that my multiple jobs often cause me to say no to the date invite from the guy I've been thinking about all week cause excitement? Not exactly.
And it sucks that I miss 99% of Girls Nights because my schedule is so intense that sometimes I use the restroom just to sit down.
On top of it, thinking about the endless moments and milestones I fail to witness within my only child's life causes muscle-ripping, violent, heartbreak.
BUT, at 31 - I am still finding the courage and strength chase my dream, (and now our dream since I’m part of a mother-son duo), and that feels damn good.
“The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” —Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean
Essay by: Elisa Botello
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Camaron Brooks
The Courage to Stand UP. Follow the yellow brick road and find your TRUTH.
Manifesting Mama - I am an uber- believer in the law of attraction. I am also a self-help junkie. I've definitely manifested things in my life. I wanted a cookie one day while working as a reporter for KRGV and no sooner did I make my mental request did a co-worker offer me one dripping with chocolate chips. Exactly what I ordered.
I dreamed about a job in TV news dating back to the fourth grade. I anchored a school-wide broadcast and loved it. I told everyone who would listen what I was going to do with my life. In college, I heard "that's tough to get into..." or "you really have to have the right look." I saw their faces. I witnessed the doubt. I kept working. I interned at CNN (once catching a glimpse of Larry King in the elevator.) I interned at KTLA and when the staffers announced a contest open to college students (including me) I applied. I told everyone at school to apply too. "Wouldn't it be so great if someone from Cal State Fullerton got picked?"
And they did! My first live shot for the contest was at the Staples Center at an L.A. Clippers game. I kept advancing as the contest continued. I met the members of the 90’s band Smash Mouth, the Los Angeles Times printed my picture. Brian McKnight even asked if I needed a ride after a tapping. I said, "No, thank you." I had a boyfriend. I also secretly hoped he didn't see my car. Zip ties held the bumper of my green Honda Civic on in two places. The winner won $25,000 dollars. I made it to the finals placing second. As the runner-up, I got a Jack in the Box Ciabatta.
That was ten years ago. The footage helped me land my first TV job in Midland, TX. I drove that beat up Honda across four states a few months later. It was tough. I grew through major self-doubt for two years before I started looking for my next job. I applied to nearly 100 jobs during the great recession. I finally found a job at KRGV in 2009. The Rio Grande Valley felt like home. I learned so much about life and myself. I made great friends and I stretched until I was 29-years-old and practically prancing around the Channel 5 newsroom talking about how I wanted a family. I wanted babies. I told everyone. I made vision boards and started seeing a counselor, a life coach and read lots of self- help and prayed. (Not to spoil the ending but... My vision came to life. I’m married with two beautiful babies.)
Detrimental determination - I've always known how much our thoughts influence our lives. If I wanted something I could make it happen. Nothing could stop me. It's one of my best/worst traits. Now that I’m turning 34 I understand my own limitations better. I certainly believe my thoughts steer my life but I now know God is the sails and the wind and the sky and the sun. Steering the ship isn't enough. I can't make it to shore alone. I probably felt like I needed to go it alone because I started moving so young. My parents moved me from Illinois to California just weeks after I was born. Then we moved overseas to Germany for a few years before moving back to Stockton, CA. I went to three elementary schools and two middle schools and in my senior year of High School my parents moved two hours south. I ended up testing out of High School and starting junior college. Everyone told me I would fail without a proper diploma. I bucked the idea. I kept working toward my goals.
I know, it’s weird—I managed to ignore so many negative voices throughout my life when I spent so much time trying desperately to make people like me. I moved so often, I needed to fit in. In fact, fitting in was my life goal. I was so embarrassed when I won awards. Or stood out. I didn’t want to give anyone a reason not to like me. I was determined to be friends with everyone. I dragged this determination into my romantic relationships. I mistakenly believed I alone could make them work. I ignored signs of trouble. I ate my feelings. I drank too much. I did anything to help me ignore my own discontentment. I believed I merely needed to control my thoughts (and I suppressed lots of feelings in the process.)
In 2011, my news director gave me a great opportunity for career growth. I would anchor weekend mornings and report three days a week. I immediately felt enormous pressure and fell into a depression. I sobbed to a co-worker the day my nephew was born. I wanted to be there. I enjoyed my work but my nephew’s arrival forced me to see what I was missing and the job was starting to force me to stand out beyond my comfort zone. My face was on all the promotional videos. My determination had gotten me into what felt like a VIP party and all I could do was grab two crab cakes and a carrot from the bountiful buffet. I was too confused and embarrassed to enjoy it. Did I really want this? Or was I just so determined to reach my goal at any cost? Did I want a family more than my old dreams? A couple of years later I got my answers. I decided I wanted a family more than a career.
Wild Spirit- I may love cardigans, reading (especially anything Oprah suggests) and quiet coffee shops but there’s also a wildness to me most people don’t always recognize. I probably don’t want people to see (the part of me that went skinny dipping in a Las Vegas pool, or who jumped out of an airplane, or who wrote a book and published it). So, I find it difficult to properly put myself out there. My book debuted without pre-orders or parties. It’s like I found an unwanted kitten, posted it on Facebook and dropped off at a shelter (convinced I’d done my due diligence.) I tried to move on but it nagged me. The book was funny and enjoyable—at least the few people who read it told me. Couldn’t I do a little more? Didn’t my story deserve my best effort?
I cried in the shower, wrote through contractions, and discovered how difficult it is for me to enjoy the moment. That’s why I started writing my story. I couldn’t be the only mom going through this massive identity crisis. Motherhood opened me up the all the ways I tried to control my thoughts and emotions. My new role tested me in every way. Pre-baby I focused on my career and the future. After baby, I needed to commit myself to living in the moment. I found comfort in retelling the stories of my reporting days while incorporating it into my new reality.
My e-book debuted almost a year ago. Today, I see how clearly I tried to hide behind the difficulties of the self-publishing. How I refused to be fully seen yet again. I didn't believe I deserved the spotlight. Sure, I could manifest a cookie but what about a successful writing career?
Get Out of the Vault- I ran tapes to and from the tape library during my internship with CNN. It was quite an elaborate system with barcodes and specifically labeled tapes. During my frequent visits to the vault I met a nice man who managed the archives. He asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him what I told everyone… “I wanted to be a reporter.”
“Then go where they’ll let you report.” He said. “I always wanted to be a photographer. I took this job because I thought it would get my foot in the door. That was twenty years ago.”
I heard what he was saying. I went far away from Southern California to a place where I could be a reporter. I learned the craft and sharpened my skills. Over the years I started to realize my favorite part of my day was the moment I sat down to WRITE. I enjoyed the other aspects of my job, especially hearing all the amazing stories from the people I met. BUT I was called to write. Writing felt sacred. I continued to write online after I left the business because I remembered those words.
If you want to be a singer (for example) go ahead and take the job in the mailroom at Sony Records only if you’re singing in church, coffee shops and on the street. Don’t take the job and wait for someone to give you a chance to sing. You’ll never get it. Start doing what you love TODAY.
As the saying goes…“comfort is a hard habit to break.” Stay far away from the vault!
Limiting Beliefs - Parenting certainly finds a way to show you what you believe. I stood in the middle of a Toys-R-Us when one of my limiting beliefs smacked me around. Brandon held tightly to a Paw Patrol Control tower. We’d just given him a very expensive battery-operated truck. "Brandon, you can't have everything..." I told my three-year-old with conviction.
And there it was. The belief—limiting everything in my life. The idea living inside of me saying I couldn't have this amazing family AND an amazing career. Somehow I always believed I must choose. Motherhood certainly asks us to prioritize at different times our kid’s lives but my unexamined belief meant I needed to choose. Success or family. Never both.
I want my son and daughter to know the value of things and I want them to be generous. I also want them to know that they can work and eventually manifest everything their little hearts can dream up. Life is bountiful! We should all enjoy the buffet. That’s why I'm currently trying to shift my thinking away from my old limiting beliefs. I’m tired of holding myself back.
Instead of trying not to stand out, I am focusing on standing up. I'm a woman with important stories to share. Aren't we all? Doesn't every soul on this earth have a powerful, beautiful, stirring story in their heart? I know you do. I want to read your story.
My becoming will unfold until my last breath. I’ve learned so much and still have so much to learn and give. I love cheering on Catia Holm as she chases her dreams. She makes me feel like anything is possible with her brand of fearlessness and self-confidence. Plus, isn’t becoming contagious? She reminds us all to stand up for our dreams.
Trusting God’s Timing- Being in a relationship can be another way to hide. I’ve certainly hidden in my past relationships. I didn’t need to venture out and truly be myself because I was a part of a couple. I remember telling an ex-boyfriend I might want to be a teacher or a writer. He scoffed and told me “you’re a reporter.”
Ultimately, I ended that relationship in order to find my own happiness. I left in a blur of tears and suffered a miscarriage in the middle of the breakup. (For a woman, praying for a family it was shocking and painful.) Looking back I see how God was whispering for me to trust Him and His timing.
My husband was the first man who didn't try to control me. He’s excited if I tell him I'm going to write a children's book, or a screenplay, or launch a podcast. (Or whatever I've dreamt up this week.) He's my number one supporter and fan. I'm his too. But now, I'm determined to become my own biggest cheerleader. I've started writing articles and sharing them. I revived a blog site and started the process of pitching a picture book manuscript to agents. I am embracing the process and loving the excitement of not knowing WHEN everything will come together.
There's no choice between my family AND success. The world is big enough and bright enough for me to celebrate both. I'm finally standing up—Guys, I’m back in line at the buffet table and I’m going straight for the chocolate chip cookies. Life really is sweet.
A little ditty about courage and motherhood…
There is nobody more courageous than a mother. We’re asked to let go from our baby’s first breath. I remember holding my tummy and missing the baby inside hours after giving birth. Pregnant no more. We feed twelve times a day and get used to watching our angels sleep in our arms. Then seemingly out of nowhere they’re too heavy to hold. It’s time to roll over. It’s time to stack and clap and laugh out loud. Then we get lulled into thinking this is how life will be. An ear infection hits. We lose sleep. Teeth break through. Weeks crawl then so do our babies. We lose time letting go of our ideas of what motherhood would be like. We adjust to what it’s really like. We let go of everything we can no longer juggle. We let go of our expectations. We become things we never thought we would. We become ourselves. We become just like our mothers. We become courageous as we watch our loves teeter on their own feet for the first time. Then we’re asked to say goodbye to a baby and greet a toddler with birthday cake and balloons.
More change. We’re asked to let go of their hands when they want to play at the park with friends. We’re asked to let go of picking out their clothes when they decide what to wear. We’re asked to change the radio when they don’t like a song anymore. We’re asked to let go of who we were and who we thought they should be. We’re asked to let go of knowing what will happen. We’re asked to reckon with our own limitations. We can’t always protect them. We try. We pray. We let go a little more. We’re asked to let go of everything we once believed about parenting. We thought we’d never…fill in the blank. We’re asked to say goodbye to the idea of love. We’re asked to truly and courageously pour love from and beyond ourselves.
This is the gift and challenge of motherhood— it’s an unraveling of the soul. We’re tethered to change. It’s like folding laundry with kids. They’re always playfully pulling us apart, unfolding the tidy ideas we hold of ourselves, tugging at our bound up emotions. We wrestle with fear, anger and annoyance. We practice patience. We practice gratitude. Kids teach us pure presence. We play again. We let go of our need to be perfect. We let go of just knowing—we start living. We read more. We learn more. We follow thought leaders like Dr. Brené Brown and Dr. Shefali Tsabary. We tackle our limiting beliefs. We pray. We let go a little more. We’re asked to let go of the cruelty we once reserved for ourselves. We’re someone’s mother. We practice compassion. We’re expected to explore our own dreams so we don’t shove them onto our children.
We become, again and again. We let go of the idea that we’ll never be scared. We’re scared at least twice a day when we look into their lovely little eyes. God please keep them safe. We’re scared when we turn off the lights. Did we teach them enough? Did we hold them enough? Do they know how much we love them? Did we scold too harshly? Did we enjoy it all? Did we savor the time? We breathe. Tomorrow’s another day of letting go.
Essay by: Camaron Brooks
Wasn't that awesome?! The first time I read it, I was shaking my head up and down mumbling, Yes, yes, yes.
I know you already love Camaron as much as I do! Here's how you can keep up with her.
Facebook / Instagram / Reporting Live From Studio B
And don't forget to pick up a copy of her book here!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
