Catia Holm 6/8/22 Catia Holm 6/8/22

Choices, Complacency, Bucket Lists And Worth

I wrote this six months ago, at the beginning of 2022. I can honestly say, it’s even more true now. I have learned to really settle into my life and be grateful for every moment. I truly am content, and it’s such a blessing.

I ordered this gift for Guapo and for us - to remind us that these are the days.

I want to share a personal story about how I have recently let go of a really big dream.

I felt pulled in two different directions from the moment I became a mom.

One direction was a career, and the other was home. And not just any career, a grand career, one where I would wield a microphone and energy in an arena, one where I would speak to thousands at a time. I have always felt like I was meant for great things, and those were great things.

When I arrived at UT as a freshman, I arrived with the thought that I was going to be "Pre-med." The fact that I hated math and science didn't matter, "Pre-med" was the fanciest, most applause-worthy thing a freshman could say – so that's what I said. I knew enough to know that I needed to play the game well, and that was the next right move. Then I figured out that I would have thousands of hours of math and science ahead of me, so I pivoted. I didn't know what I "wanted to be," so I picked the next fanciest, most applause-worthy thing, "Pre-law." Bless my 18-year-old heart. School started, and since I was in business school, all my friends were studying business, and they seemed fine, so I eventually chose – marketing.

And that's how a lot of my decisions have been made.

What's the fanciest, most applause-worthy thing? Then I point my toes in that direction.

It has always been an easy enough formula.

Sometimes I achieve it or get it, and sometimes I don't. When I reach it, I feel like, "okay, good, we're on track! We are doing this thing called LIFE." And when I don't achieve it, I think, "I'm not working hard enough, I need to try harder, maybe I don't have what it takes."

It's like my congratulatory self has never met my motivate by meanness self.

A few years ago, when we lived in Panama, I started to unravel all of this and become aware of my motivations. And one day, I was reading about one of my role models, and I was watching her wield a microphone and speak to thousands of women at a time, and I thought – I don't want to pay the price she is paying. I don't want to get on airplanes all the time; I don't want to be away from my kids like that; I don't want to strive in that way.

It was the first time I had ever thought anything but BE THE BEST, and it was weird. Was this how I felt or was I just lazy and complacent?

We moved back from Panama, and soon after, COVID hit, and the world turned upside down.

I became aware of how fragile life is. There was death and tragedy all around, and there was no rhyme or reason, no way to explain or justify it. Things were bad for some people and not for others, not because some people were bad – but because hurt and heartache knocks on all our doors. No one was exempt.

So I started to think, if I'm only here for a certain amount of time, if Guapo is only here for a certain amount of time, if my kids can be taken from me for no reason, I'd better make the most of the time I have with them.

This sounds morbid, but it's the truth. None of us are guaranteed a damn thing. In the blink of an eye, our lives could change.

Some of you know that Guapo deals with chronic illness, and these illnesses have pushed us to the brink many times. It's not something I share often and wouldn't share details about, but having this as part of our lives has significantly shaped us. It has made me stronger and more able than I ever thought I would have to be.

A few months into COVID, I had a business coach/astrology session, and during it, the coach asked me to envision myself on a stage, speaking to thousands of people. She asked me to imagine what I was wearing, how I felt, what it sounded like. And then she asked me, "How do you feel right now?" And I said, "I have a knot in my stomach." "Is it because you're scared of that moment?" "No," I replied. "But if I'm on stage, my kids are at home without me."

This is not to say that my experience is what everyone should or does feel; it's only to say that I feel.

On the one hand, I thought I was supposed to go after the fanciest and most applause-worthy thing, and on the other hand, I didn't want to pay the price for that thing. These were the two different directions, be a mom in the way I want or have a big fancy career.

A month ago, I was at a Christmas party, and I was meeting new friends, and after a bit of conversation, someone said, "You're the most interesting person I've met this year." "Thanks," and my heart swelled. "Thank you." And I started to think about my life.

I study what I love (soon, I'll be a marriage and family therapist!), I work with people I love through Bright Light; I am making a difference in people's hearts and within their families and homes. I love my husband; I have two kids I love and enjoy, a space heater for my feet underneath my desk, dark chocolate after the kids go to sleep, breath in my lungs – and sometimes even a fun nail polish color. I spend most of my time doing what I WANT to do, which is a huge blessing. But then… the different directions, no microphone, no arena. Is it a failure, complacency, or a choice?

A few weeks after the Christmas party, my family got sick from what we thought was COVID, and I was reminded of how fragile life is – again. It was Guapo's third time with COVID, Alexandra's second time, and Luci's first time. My heart was breaking, and I pleaded for guidance. And as God does, God sent me guidance in the form of Kate Bowler.

Kate Bowler is a professor of divinity at Duke and an author and podcaster. She writes from the perspective of a woman, wife, and mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She has dealt with heartbreak, tragedy, and grief and shares about it in a way that few do. During a podcast, she shared that she made a sign for her husband and son that said, YOU ARE MY BUCKET LIST. She wanted them to know that she loves them and wants to be WITH them.

So many times, we hear about bucket lists, and they are about traveling, building businesses, and physical challenges, not usually about relationships. Kate said that it was okay to center your life on people and relationships. What? Was that allowed? That's not fancy or applause-worthy; there's no arena or microphone; that's everyday life.

At that moment, the chasm that I felt for the entirety of my motherhood vanished. It's like someone was permitting me to love my home life, to be satisfied with my husband and kids and family.

Yes, I thought. This feels right.

I cried tears of relief, my shoulders dropped, and I settled into the notion that my life was good and it was okay for me not to want anything else, not to feel like there was a void.

I went home and shared it with Guapo. I told about Kate Bowler, and YOU ARE MY BUCKET LIST. And I told him that our life and our home were my bucket list and that I wanted to be with him. My head was lying on the pillow, tears ran sideways, and told him how I always thought that "people" (God knows who these people are because I couldn't name ONE, but PEOPLE) were going to think I chose motherhood as a copout, that I couldn't make it as a fancy applause-worthy person, so instead I focused on being a mom. I don't even remember what he replied because it was such a relief to get that out of my body where it has been rotting and festering. I let it all go.

I want our time together to be intentional, to matter. I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I missed it because I was lamenting some imaginary thing I thought I needed to do. What a shame it would be to miss all the blessings in front of me for a belief, for an expectation that I absorbed along the way. Instead, I choose to be present, satisfied, and even proud of my choice.

Beliefs are powerful; they can lift us or tear us down. They can make us feel good or make us feel crazy. It's scary to let go of the belief because it feels like a free fall, like," I've done it this way for so long, I can't afford to let it go." Or "what if my belief is true and I fall flat on my face, and people reject me?" "What if I let go of the belief, and I suffer the pain of not belonging?" I know these thoughts and how scary they can be.

For me, the scariest lie my ego tells me is, "What if I am ordinary? What if I am not special?" That one goes to the core for me. And so, letting that go was like letting go of a life vest and trusting that my ego is wrong and my true self can swim.

Further, it's like a way of saying, I am enough. My life is enough. What I give is enough. I am not worthy because of what I do; I am worthy because I am.

Friend, are you doing something FOR worth, or are you doing it FROM worth? FOR or FROM?

In my work with clients, I often teach from this vantage point. This is a staple in my teaching. And I teach it because I have worked through all sorts of layers of myself, figuring out why I do what I do and letting the unaligned parts slough off. But this one was a new frontier for me.

Sometimes these realizations take time and experience. I'm not sure I would have gotten here without a lot of heartaches. There's something so transformative about heartache; it makes you raw, vulnerable and connected. It pushes you to figure out what matters to you and why it matters, and it reminds you that life is precious. Could I have known this at 18 or 25? I don't think so, and that's okay; different lessons were learned then.

If you feel like you are being pulled in different directions, you're not alone. If you feel like fancy and applause-worthy things are the way to go for you, go for it; you're not alone. And if you feel like a quiet, patched-together life where you are in yoga pants and reading mushy books to your kids is for you, go for it; you're not alone. There is no one at the finish line handing out worthiness certificates; nothing we can do can MAKE us worthy. No degree, business, relationship, weight, or career can shift us into worthiness. The worthiness comes from the inside; it's the starting point. And good news, you're there. You're worthy because – you are.

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.

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Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 2/20/21 Catia Holm 2/20/21

Thank you, Madonna Badger

Sweet girls,

I have always been goal-oriented. Set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it. I am not a quitter, and so there isn’t much in my life that I have set out to do and not done.

In my 20s, I had exhilarating jobs. I was constantly around famous people, big events, and big revenue. What excited me as a 22-year-old didn’t faze me as a 25-year-old, and what excited me as a 25-year-old was a tiny blip on the screen as a 28-year-old. And that rhythm of constantly raising the excitement bar higher and higher was easy to continue. It felt good and fun!

Rappelling off a 32 story building in downtown Austin

Each goal accomplished was a stepping-stone to a larger goal. I never took time to enjoy the accomplished goal; I just moved on to the next one. But that was okay because something great was always on the horizon. I was never fully present, but it wasn’t a big deal because I was busy, and it was fun.

In my mid 20’s I was regularly challenging my mind and body (running, skydiving, rappelling off buildings, Tough Muddering) , and working in spaces with people who were excellent. I worked at ACL-Live in downtown Austin and would get to be close to artists who were at the tippy top of their industry. Jay-Z, Aretha Franklin, Tim McGraw - it all became commonplace for me. When I say close, I mean — 10 people in the theatre while the artist does sound check — close. The night Aretha sang, she had a black duffle bag on stage. It was her money. She got paid in all cash and she watched her cash the whole show.

But when I became a mom, all the usual ways I felt excitement were no longer available to me. I had left my jobs and was a stay-at-home mom. I worked inside the home, and there was no excitement to be had—anywhere. I was forced to take stock and evaluate my priorities and my lifestyle.

It was an uncomfortable process. There were many days when I felt deep sadness and loss for the person I had been and the life I’d led. I missed being a career woman. I missed being busy. I missed the excitement. I missed creating revenue. I missed earning income.

Early on in motherhood, in late 2014, I stumbled upon an interview. Oprah Winfrey was interviewing Madonna Badger.

Madonna Badger with Oprah - Source The Today Show

Ms. Badger was explaining her story of unimaginable loss. On Christmas Day 2011, her house caught on fire and burned to the ground. Everyone in it died except her and her boyfriend. Inside the house were her three darling children, Grace, Sarah, and Lily and her parents, Lomer and Pauline Johnson.

Ms. Badger was a high-powered executive in New York City, and she talked about how things might have been “if [she] would have known.” If she had known that the big projects and the late nights never really mattered, she would have focused more on her girls. If she had known that she could have bought a farmhouse in Arkansas and lived a simple life on a farm, that it all would have been okay, she would have done that.

My interpretation of her words and story was that the high-powered job is no trade for a safe, beautiful family life. Her story shot like a bullet to my spirit and changed my perspective.

After hearing her story, and her wisdom gained through tragedy, I started to let go of my version of excitement and began to learn how to be present.

Until I started to have a family, being present (literally and figuratively) wasn’t a priority.

And so, my choice from early on was that I would be the best mother and wife I could be and that my career would get the rest. And so, when it comes to my career, I give it all I’ve got—after I’ve given my family all I’ve got.

As a wife and a mom, I’ve learned that to be present is to create a holy space. To be fully aware, to be still and calm, and radiate love and light—this requires constant vigilance of energy: mental, physical, and spiritual.

Do I think I could accomplish more in my career? Yes, I do.

Does it sting a little when I see others advancing? Yes, it does.

Do I think my choice is for everyone? No.

But do I want to trade accomplishing a bigger goal for not being able to be there with and for my family? Not a chance.

I carry Ms. Badger, Sarah, Grace, and Lily, and her parents, Lomer and Pauline, with me in my heart. Their story, their experience informed my life, and yours.

I love you, Mama

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

3-catia-hernandez-holm-tedx-speaker-author-the-courage-to-become-book-coach-confidence-joy-guide.jpg — Monthly Guide

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Schedule a complimentary 30 minute session

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 1/18/21 Catia Holm 1/18/21

Courage to Become | Sonya Holmgaard

“Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING. ”

— Sonya Holmgaard

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Sonya is one of them.

Enjoy Sonya’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about persistence and growing and enthusiasm!!! Please welcome, Sonya.

Sonya Holmgaard

WAVE NUMBER 1

When I was a junior in high school, I met this very handsome man I immediately knew I would marry. 17 years this December. He struggled with a drug addiction that I was not aware of. I knew bits and pieces and would find things, but I was oblivious to what was going on for the most part. When I found out he would be spending 2 ½ years in a Federal Penitentiary, I was already months along with our first child. I watched him get sentenced wearing shackles and chains around his hands and feet while trying to hold myself emotionally together, not only for myself but also to keep my stress levels down and for my unborn baby's well-being.

I didn't know how strong I was then until years later. I worked two jobs and made the trip to Yankton, South Dakota, to visit him almost every weekend with my husband's grandparents or mother. I had very few friends and kept myself busy getting ready for the baby, worked, and prayed a lot. Our first child was born, and I was allowed to make a phone call to the prison to report our first baby girl's news. The hospital refused to let me put her father's name on the birth certificate for my daughter. Instead, they put dashes where his name should have been. From the beginning, even though the struggle I knew I would face, I never had any intentions to leave my husband because I knew we were to be together forever, no matter what. I knew he was my soul mate and his struggle in life was no reason to abandon him. I loved him and wasn't going anywhere.

Shortly after his sentence and before our first child, we were married privately in a small jail before being transferred to federal prison. We said I do behind glass while a local priest who was against our marriage announced our union. I cried as I messed up one of the lines the priest prompted me to say, and he scoffed at me. When I say he was against, I mean he was against it and treated us like it. Regardless, we were married, and I was in it till death do us part. I was prepared. No matter what anybody said, and they did say a lot. Others wanted me to leave him and have a "real life."

Eventually, I was allowed to bring our baby girl to the prison so her dad could see her for the first time. This was before he was transferred, so it was only an hour from where I live. I proudly held her up to the glass window for daddy to see his perfect little lady. She showed off her crooked pinkies just like his and her nose that was just like mine. That was tough. That was a sad day but also a happy day because we both loved her so much. Years later, I visited Alcatraz prison in California and had a mini-breakdown seeing the visiting area where families would visit through glass windows and use a phone to talk to each other. They probably held up their hands, and that's how they "held hands" between an inch and a half of Plexiglas. Seeing that Visitor area was challenging for me. And even harder, I knew my husband would not be able to hold his daughter. Tough. Very tough. Hard. VERY HARD.

Years later, I came back to this very prison to visit a cousin who was in trouble for drugs. My cousin boasted to his counselor about how my husband made it out and has a good life and that he knew there was a way to have another chance. The same room with the same glass window where I brought my daughter as a baby to see her daddy through the glass was in the background. Visitor room number 5. I noticed it when we walked in and pushed the feelings aside and later sat with the feelings as we drove home. It wasn't so hard this time. This time I let the feelings come. I dealt with them and thanked God for my daughter growing up into a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent woman that will not be stopped by any history our family has in the past.

The day we got to go pick up my husband, there was a party going on in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. He had worked hard and studied and learned to weld and was ready to come home. He did all the things he was supposed to do and more. In the Bible, he found himself in good people in finding a skill that he knew he could apply at a good job when he got home. By the grace of God, he had a family member there that had already almost served years of his life for drugs as well and had made a HUGE shift and change in his life to do better, and he took my husband under his wing and helped him find the way down the right path. When we all walked out of the prison doors, he kept looking behind him. It was a strange feeling for him to walk out those doors. Things were new and different, and things had changed in the big world.

AND BAM! I was pregnant, just like that with our second child. We had a small marriage ceremony that September, and I was six months pregnant in David's bridal red and white dress tailored for my swollen pregnant belly. Life was good. Years went by, and we fought a lot and made up a lot, and our marriage was tested. But as we got older, we grew more and more in love and understanding of each other. Luckily my daughter was young enough she doesn't remember, and by the time we had our second child, my husband was HOME; I'm thankful for that. WE MADE IT, and we are all right.

WAVE NUMBER 2

WAVE number 2 was coming, and I had no idea. A TSUNAMI. With no warning. And here it is. I'm just going to come out with it. My nephew was shaken by his father so severely that he almost died. He is now blind, unable to walk, unable to talk, never run, will never see, and will never have all the chances that many other kids get. We spent countless nights in a tiny family waiting room and slept in chairs and couches made out of cement, I swear. It was my job every day to wake up and make sure my sister ate so she could keep going. We were allowed to see my nephew but only with CPS breathing down our necks while they investigated. CPS took my sister alone into a room and interrogated her without my knowledge until I found out where she was and ever so kindly burst in to sit with her and hold her hand, so she wasn't alone. At the time, I didn't know how strong I was. I went through the movements to protect my sister, and even though my body went through the motions, I wasn't there; I was in another world trying to scramble and pick up the pieces from this giant confetti bomb the size of the world that just went off.

I was placed with temporary custody of my other nephew as none of the children were no longer allowed to be in my sister's care until things were straightened out. AND THE PART I COULDN'T LIVE WITH FOR A LONG TIME…I was asked to take my baby nephew, who was shaken home after they released him, and I SAID NO. I SAID NO because I had my own two kids, at the time 2-year-old nephew I had just taken custody of (and I was upfront about my husband's past…Luckily DHS let me have my nephew). I had planned on taking on my sister's other two children that were older. Eventually, their dad fought me over and ended up getting for a while. So I was planning on raising my two-year-old nephew, my own two kids, and my sister's older two kids for as long as I needed to. 5 KIDS! At the time, I didn't know it, but I took on only what I could handle. My nephew, who was shaken, was placed with my other sister, who happened to be a foster parent. I let him go there because I didn't think I would be able to take care of all the kids and get my hurt nephew to where he needed to be for hospital surgeries and care. It was going to be a long, long haul for him. I didn't think I had it in me to be strong enough to carry all that battle. I felt I could handle only so much.

About a year and a half goes by, and I am BEATING MYSELF UP EVERY DAY for not taking my nephew, who was hurt. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. DESTROYED. FELT WORTHLESS. WHAT KIND OF AN AUNT WAS I? Like how could I take on the other kids and not my poor helpless baby nephew who needed me? DEPRESSION BIG TIME. LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. DONE. WAS A WASTE OF SPACE. I WISHED IT WERE ME AND NOT MY BABY NEPHEW. I would have done ANYTHING TO TAKE HIS SPOT. So he could have a chance. So he could have a LIFE.

BUT…..

I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF THAT DARK PLACE.

I kept pouring myself into my sister's kids and my own. EVERY WAKING second was ABOUT THEM. They were well-loved and taken care of and still are.

Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING.

When my nephew was released with my other sister who took him, there were many months of grueling court battles and even a court hearing for a chance for the father of my nephew, who I had custody of to fight for him….he didn't….I was CRUSHED for him. That was a punch in the gut. I wouldn't have given him up anyway, but it was hard to hear he was done with this beautiful little Hawaiian tanned baby boy that has a smile bigger than the sun. I continued my workout journey and even got my nephew up at 5 am with me as a workout buddy and got him his milk and blanky while he laid and watched cartoons before I took him to daycare.

At the time, I Didn't know HOW STRONG I WAS.

Years later, I FORGAVE MYSELF.

FOR NOT TAKING MY HURT NEPHEW. I took YEARS to let it go. YEARS.

I went to the gulf shores, woke up before the sunrise. And that day, I decided it was time. I ran 3 miles. Then watched the sun come up, then laid in the saltwater, went under…

AND LET IT GO. I forgave myself and let it go to GOD. He took all my weight and my burden of NOT BEING ENOUGH. Up into the sky went my unanswered questions. I know now that I will never know things. Like why adults hurt small children. Why things happen that break your heart into a million pieces. Why you try to protect your loved ones, but sometimes you just can't. I let these questions GO.

And without taking any time or any love away from my children and my sister's children and my family. I poured into myself. I finally felt myself becoming stronger. Not only mentally or physically with my health journey but spiritually. I felt closer to God, and I felt my purpose. I found myself, and even though I didn't know it through all of these hardships, I WAS strong, and I was ENOUGH. I was doing everything I could and more.

Then we had to put our beloved dog Zombie down because she was sick with cancer and could no longer control her bladder. This ROCKED our family. DEVASTATED our kids. She was their best friend, and it was tough for them and all of us.

Then we lost my father in law and it was brutal on my husband and my kids, then we lost my stepfather, which I took very hard, then six months later, my biological mother got breast cancer and had to have a breast removed. There wasn't much time to recover in between blows or, as I like to call them ….waves. Our world was ROCKED, and our boat was tipping. Our boat was tipping A LOT.

AND

Speaking of waves….

WAVE NUMBER 3

Which are currently becoming whitecaps out in the stormy sea as we speak and getting ready to rock my white sandy beaches.

We have a family member who is currently missing and without getting into too much detail because I feel it would be unfair to the rest of this family at this time…we believe there was foul play involved. We are all dangling at the biggest edge of the biggest cliff, right now as we speak. We don't entirely know what is coming our way, but we have an idea, and we WILL UNITE, and WE WILL persevere, and WE WILL hold hands and come together and be gentle with each other and do whatever it is we have to do. And I believe I am strong enough to help my family through this wave. We pray still it won't turn out badly, and we are holding on by that little tiny thread of light just to get us through. But even so. I know there is always going to be a light. A big bright one with the Lord in the middle, and I believe we will be ok.

I've had three flat tires in a month, one car in the shop twice to be repaired, and my brand new 20,000 camper just flooded. I have two teenaged children…one that likes to push limits and scare the holy bejesus out of me in the middle of the night and test all the waters… and just literally called me to tell me her battery is dead…yes, that's the car that has been in the shop twice. Oh yeah, and there is also a worldwide pandemic and riots going on. But I still get up every single day, flip on my camera, say hi to the world, and do what I love doing. Helping others find that CLICK, that LIGHTBULB, that FIRE in the pit of their stomachs to change and put the work in - better themselves. I laugh a little each time I get phone calls now when it's about flat tires and car repairs, and my daughter needs a ride from 2 towns away on a Sunday night, and it's 8 pm. I laugh because these are small things that used to piss me off. But now I see them as easy small little ripple waves.

There will be more BIG waves, and there will be smaller ripple waves. And I won't be ready. I will be stronger this time around, and even if I have to drop to my knees again and again. I will get up, and I will be ok. There have been other waves before these, but I feel that those waters have calmed and smoothed out, but that doesn't mean I still don't carry the scars. I've just steadied my boat.

Now I will never treat myself with unkind words. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with hard things, I talk to myself and say… You're all right…you are all right… you're ok…. until I center. I will always put myself first to be the best possible me for my family and GOD. I no longer think of parts of my life as a nightmare but rather a season of growing and learning. I thank God for the years my husband had to grow and become a stronger father and person…without those years locked away, this could be a different story. I praise God my children were so young that they don't remember things that might have crushed them. And I believe wholeheartedly one hundred percent that people change. I believe most people are good. I believe in families sticking together; I believe that you have it in you to get through some very tough waves and battles in life, just like my family and I did and are doing still. I believe that you are tougher than you think. I believe God made us all strong. I believe change can be beautiful. If you look at things in a different light, you will see the sun where shadows once were. I also believe you need the dark, and that is a part of life. I believe that I am 36 years old, and my story is far from over. I believe in between these waves; we have the best of memories as well….kayaking, long sunny days at the lake grilling food and swimming, 16th birthdays, learners permits, family get-togethers for nieces and nephews…the ones at my sisters are the best!...new jobs, working together as a family on the house remodel, bike rides, watching sunsets on the front porch, and just waking up every single day and having each other. And I believe that no matter what, I'll always be ok. And so will you.

-"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."-JON KABAT-ZINN

Wave #4…to be continued…

You can connect Sonya on Facebook and on Instagram

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.

Schedule a complimentary 30 minute session

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 12/11/20 Catia Holm 12/11/20

Courage to Become | Karina Shivdasani

“I grew up with a lot of insecurities. I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt too chubby, not pretty enough, too tall, and I hated my “Bugs Bunny” teeth. I am an Indian-American, and within my culture people have no problem calling out your “flaws” (at least in my experience). I remember when I was younger, before our summer trips to India I made sure I was on a diet. I didn’t want to be called out for my weight or didn’t want to hear “Karina you need to stop growing so tall, you are never going to find a boy to marry”. My goal was always to keep as much attention off me as possible!”

— Karina Shivdasani

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Enjoy Karina’s story of becoming. I watch her company or social media and admire the way she is so passionate about uplifting others and spreading love! I have learned so much from her about connection and commitment. I know you will too! Please welcome, Karina.

Karina Shivdasani

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Hi there! My name is Karina, and I the founder of a Kind Fashion company called Common Assembly. Aside from that, I am a newly certified Reiki practitioner, I am a woman that is learning how to be vibrantly and fully me, and I'd like to think I spread fairy dust and make people smile =)

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

I was always scared of being bold! I was scared of taking risks! I was afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. Honestly, as a child, I was also afraid of speaking and letting my voice be heard. So I jumped into starting my own business, called Common Assembly. I tend to go 0-60 and dive into things when I have those few moments of courage that divinely come when we need it the most.

I wanted to share something with you all. I often get asked, how did you come up with the idea of kindness in fashion?There is a short answer to this, but I feel compelled to tell you the whole story…my story…

I grew up with a lot of insecurities. I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt too chubby, not pretty enough, too tall, and I hated my “Bugs Bunny” teeth. I am an Indian-American, and within my culture people have no problem calling out your “flaws” (at least in my experience). I remember when I was younger, before our summer trips to India I made sure I was on a diet. I didn’t want to be called out for my weight or didn’t want to hear "Karina you need to stop growing so tall, you are never going to find a boy to marry". My goal was always to keep as much attention off me as possible!

In my late teens I finally felt like I was climbing in my confidence. I was shedding my baby weight, and finally felt like I had a voice. Silly story- but my greatest challenge/accomplishment at that time was running for Student Council President my junior year. OMG when I had to give my election speech in front of everyone I nearly peed my pants, I was TREMBLING. But I won..little ol’ me…I actually won, people liked me, and they liked what I had to say. I literally remember thinking “Life is good, everything is going great…I could get used to this”. And like a flip of a switch, my world changed overnight, and it left me feeling broken and lost.

What had happened was a complete freak accident…the type of thing you see in the movies. My brother fell off a 3rd floor balcony one night (he was 22, I was 18). His accident left him paralyzed from the waist down. I won’t dive into everything- but use your imagination. It was a surreal experience for me and my family. We went through all the stages of grief, the “Why ME?”, the “How can you God?”, and when we were done fighting and got to a place of acceptance, the healing started.

For us healing was diving into spirituality. Reading books by authors like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Anita Moorjani and attending their seminars all over the U.S. At first I was not open to this: Your thoughts matter? Positivity? …seemed like this was all just some coping mechanism to escape reality and pretend like everything was ok. But then I actually started to listen. I learned about how important it is to honor yourself, your feelings, and to take care of yourself first. I learned that self-care is not selfish. And in practice that my perspective and my life started to shift. I felt lighter, I allowed myself to come face to face with the pain I was still holding, I had tough conversations to finally open up and tell my family what I was going through (rather than always being strong for them). I finally saw me for me and honored what I needed. That was my magic.

This brings us to today, almost 14 years later. It has been quite a ride, but one that we are grateful for. Our lives changed, but for the better. Out of this “tragedy” was born so much good. Vik, my brother, is a life coach helping other people overcome adversity in their lives. My parents and some family members started a nonprofit organization called Infinite Love, which is serving South Texas with love, sacred shared space, and community. And me, it has brought me to a place where I can fulfill my passion!

Through these experiences, I have recognized that all the emotions I felt were#realcommon. People everywhere have their version of my story. My heart is in helping women through their journeys and creating a community that highlights and supports everything we have in common. When we feel good, we do good, and for women “feeling good” often translates to how we dress and self-express. When we are kinder to ourselves and honor our authentic selves, we have more capacity to help others. That journey ignited my passion for creating Common Assembly. With the thought to one day create this business, I followed a fashion merchandising career path as an Apparel Buyer for a nationwide corporate retailer. Now, I am ready to share my journey with the world.

Common Assembly was born out of a passion to provide women fashion they could feel good about, one that would fill your closet and your soul. We believe kindness is the thread that connects us all, and we do our part to weave it into everything we do. We’re committed to Kindness for the Common Good.

How did it feel getting started?:

Lots of emotions. I first was on cloud nine thinking the Universe is going to support me fully, and I will be an overnight success. Things did not go so smoothly, and I broke down feeling like a failure within the first few months, and what was my passion project turned into my most significant stressor. It took me a moment to recognize the hardships were the biggest blessings. Then, as I surrendered to the situation, grew, and learned from an open perspective, it shifted back to becoming the beautiful passion project that fulfills me and brings me so much joy.

Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you started your business?

There were a lot; literally, nothing was going smoothly. It felt like I couldn't catch a break, third party agencies that we signed on with did not work out, customer outreach was not as strong as we hoped, we had technical difficulties with the site.

What motivates you to grow Common Assembly?

Creating a Kind Fashion company fills me so much. I love fashion; I love seeing women feel good in how they are expressing themselves, I love creating a work culture that supports my team's emotional, soul, and career growth, I love creating content for our kind blog, I love and honor the opportunity to connect with and hopefully enrich someone else's life.

Which living person do you most admire?

My mom. She is the walking definition of what the embodiment of unconditional love is.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I would love the ability to play the guitar, piano, tabla (Indian drums), and sitar. Music moves me deeply.

What is your most marked characteristic?

This is a hard question. I believe it would be my compassion and soft demeanor.

Do you have a motto you turn to often?

"Life doesn't happen to you; it happens for you."

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

1)Coming out of my shell 2) Using my voice 3) Being bold when it mattered most

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in the mud?

Remembering that it is just my perception of keeping me there. I practice being aware of it, acknowledging it, and allowing the feels to be there. Once I have allowed myself to feel, I breathe through it and work on shifting my perception to a greater, more expansive place.

What's one piece of advice you'd give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

YOU CAN DO IT! The hard times are your most significant gift.

What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?

Live authentically, live fully. That is the greatest gift you can do for yourself.

You can find Karina and Common Assembly on their

Website , Facebook , Instagram

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

We all need reminders of how loved we are. I know that when I need support being my best self - a quick reminder that I am worthy and loved does the trick! Snag some goodies from my shop and treat yourself to a soul pick-me-up.

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 8/30/20 Catia Holm 8/30/20

Courage to Become | Hayley Hengst

“A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone

And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.

That was a hell of a year.

Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.”

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Enjoy Hayley’s story of becoming. Hayley is a writer, a great one. She has a gift and I am honored that she shared it with us. Hayley and I wrote together at Austin Moms Blog and I always admired how adept she was at sharing her point of view so beautifully with the world. She’s really something else and I know you will adore her. Please welcome, Hayley!

Hayley Hengst from On a Lighter Note

“This Stage of Life? It’s Hard”.

That was the title of a blog post I wrote about five years ago now, that went viral. Then it went viral again. Then again. It was shared over 200,000 times, reached people in at least 10 different countries, got translated into other languages, and for at least two years after writing it, I continued to receive messages and emails from people all over the world telling me how much the article impacted them....how deeply the words resonated....how relieved they were to know they weren’t the only one who felt the same range of emotions the article described.

Kids. Marriage. Sick kids. Troubled marriage. Parenting decisions. Infertility. Miscarriage. The working mom versus stay-at-home mom debate. In the stage of life where you have young kids at home, the struggle is real, and can encompass any number of difficulties.

When I wrote that article, I felt like my “stage of life” was difficult, sure, but not in a tragic way. Just in a mundane “my kid has an ear infection as I write this, my house is a mess, I can’t figure out a good sleep schedule for my newborn, and I’m completely conflicted if I want to send my kindergartner to public versus private school” kind of way.

Happily married with three kids under 6, I was a bit taken off guard by some of the emails that came flooding in as a result of that article....readers regaling me with tales of why THEIR stage of life was hard....and it was indeed difficult stuff. Children with cancer. Husbands who had left them. Financial devastation. I felt sympathetic for these people, while at the same time (if I’m being honest) relieved that my woes were more of the “normal life problem” variety.

Fast forward two years. Fast forward just TWO years, and my mom was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer.

A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone

And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.

That was a hell of a year.

Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.

I’ll save you all the gory details of what the three years sandwiched between THEN and NOW consisted of, but here’s what I WILL say:

When Catia reached out to me and asked me to be a part of her Courage to Become Series, I was incredibly honored. I had read some of the articles other people had written for this series, but not all of them. So I went back and read more. And thought, “um. Why did she ask me to participate in this? I’m not sure I belong in this group. What exactly HAVE I had the courage to become?”.

I thought about it or a while. What I ultimately realized, was this:

After a long hard road, years of which were spent living in the shadow of someone else...years more spent trying to rebuild what “someone else” tore apart....I simply (recently) (finally) have the Courage to just....Become.

“Become”, as in “an active, ongoing, process”. Not necessarily as in “an end-point".

Sound like a cop-out answer?

It’s not.

You see, I’d spent my entire life (well, my entire life since age 15, anyway), just “becoming” what I thought someone else (my husband) wanted me to be. That’s dumb anyway, but in my case, it didn’t even freaking pan out well.

How in the WORLD had I forgotten to ask myself questions like:

What do YOU want?
Who are YOU, separate from HIM?
What’s important to YOU?
What do you want YOUR life to be about?

I don’t know how I’d forgotten to ask those questions, but I had, and it was time to start asking them.

Had my life not fallen apart, maybe I never would have asked. I’m not sure you can become who you are meant to be UNTIL you ask.

So I'm asking them now, and if I’m being honest, the answers are still a little grey. You don’t go 36 years of life NOT thinking through those things, and then all of the sudden have clear answers to them. “Grey” is a transitionary color though, right? It’s in-between black and white. Moving from white, into black, I suppose. As I’ve begun to ask the questions and sort through the answers, here are a few things I do know:

• I want to write. Writing is what I love. It’s what I’m good at. It’s what other people tell me I’m good at. It’s what makes me feel most like me. Why had I not been doing that?

....and so I’ve started writing again. I’ve started a new blog. It’s called The Lighter Note Show. It’s taking off well. I’ve started submitting writings for other websites...and they’re getting accepted. I’ve been paid for a few. I’ve decided I’m going to write a book.

I want to co-host a podcast with one of my best friends. The overwhelming response I received to the Stage of Life blog post all those years ago made me realize that maybe more than anything else, people appreciate “relatable”. They appreciate feeling like they aren’t the only ones who feel the way they do sometimes. That other people have the same struggles and woes and awkwardness and weird thoughts. They also need an excuse to laugh sometimes. I wanted to create a podcast that provided that outlet for people. So why hadn’t I, yet?
…..and so I did. I’m not sure where it will go or what it will lead to, but I’m DOING it at least, and working on the podcast is one of my favorite parts of life right now

I want to challenge myself. I want to set goals that are hard, make a plan to achieve them, and then achieve them. I don’t want to ever become stagnant and “blah” and aimless again. When and why had I become that in the first place?
….. and so I trained for a 15 mile “heavy half” marathon this year. Ran it. And climbed a mountain, too. The highest peak in Colorado, thank you.

Possibly most importantly, I want to love my little boys well. I want them to feel loved, cherished, secure, and happy.
…..and so there is a lot of apologizing in our house. As in, “me to them”. It’s hard to be the patient, kind, gentle and loving mom you want to be when you are emotionally stretched thin, but there’s a lot to be said for apologizing. Being honest with them. Admitting mistakes. Being vocal and expressive in my love for them. Being honest about what’s hard and crappy, but also highlighting all that is good and wonderful and positive.

Some of you impressive and awe-inspiring women in this series have had the Courage to Become some pretty amazing things. You’ve become doctors. Lawyers. Life coaches. Wildly successful photographers. I’m still convinced you guys are all in a different league than me.

I feel certain though there are others of you out there who, like me, lost yourselves along the way somehow. As a result, you may not feel like you’ve “become” anything at all. While I’m certain that isn’t entirely true...you’ve become SOMETHING...you’ve become a wife, or a mother, or a beloved friend....it COULD be true that you haven’t become what you were MEANT to become. Yet. Maybe you haven’t asked yourself the important questions. Maybe you’ve spent too much time trying to become what someone ELSE wanted you to become. Maybe the fact that it’s actually POSSIBLE to become something that makes you feel proud of yourself and fulfilled has eluded you.

I’d encourage you to ask yourself the important questions:

• What do I want out of life?

• Who am I, at my core?

• What makes me feel most alive?

• What is my purpose?

• What am I good at....something I know I’m good at...others tell me I’m good at...I enjoy it....but I’m holding back?

• What am I waiting for?

It takes courage to even ask yourself the questions to begin with. It’s worth it, though.

I’d love to write the book. Have the successful podcast. Climb another mountain. Be able to pat myself on the back daily for a Parenting Job Well Done. If I do all of those things, maybe I will have “become”.

For right now though, there is a lot of beauty in the “becoming”. The process. I don’t want to speed through that.

So cheers to us...the works in progress. May we simply have the courage to BECOME...period.

About Hayley:

Hello From the Other Side

The "single gal" side, that is. The "after the dust has settled a bit" side. The "am I experiencing PTSD from the drama and trauma of the last two years?" side. Kidding, kidding. No PTSD here.

Probably anyone reading this already knows me, and could do without an "About Me". I used to write all the time, and back then, I wrote everything "about me" anyone could ever care to know, and then some, I'm sure. I wrote for Austin Moms Blog. I wrote for my own blog, Mother Freaking. I wrote for Her View From Home. I pretty much was an open book. A lot has changed in my life since then, though (a lot has stayed the same, too).

What's changed?

-I'm not married anymore. This is a negative development on almost all fronts, but I suppose the "positive" aspect of it is that my writings will no longer be chalk full of corny references to my high school sweetheart relationship, that no one wants to hear about. I mean, I thought it was cute. But I guess not. Another positive could be that maybe you'll get to hear some tales of WHAT in the actual WORLD a 38-year old who has never been single, does in the dating world? (If you have any tips or suggestions, please...by all means).

-I don't live with a man anymore. This means there is a lot of pink in my house. I've hated pink my whole life, and then suddenly it was like "If I WANTED to have pink stuff I could"...and so I did.

What's the Same?

- I'm still mama to Three Little Manimals (that's man+animal)

- They still crazy AF

- Writing is still my favorite thing in all of the world. No wait...reading. Writing is a very close second though.

- It's still a toss-up if my Happy Place is a bubble bath, sitting in front of a fire, or lying in the sun. Warmth...just give me warmth. Throw in some sort of a twinkle light situation while you're at it. Throw in a book and maybe some wine, too.

Other Things...

- I think the song "The Weight" by the The Band is the best song of all time, and no matter how many people argue this opinion (fact) with me, I'll never change my mind

- I can't shuffle cards for shit, and one actual GOAL of mine (this is pitiful) during quarantine was to "Perfect My Shuffle Game". I've got the shuffle. Still can't get the stupid bridge.

- I worked at a gym in high school. Some guys that worked there called me at the front desk, secretly, from a back office, pretending that their dad was at the gym working out, and a family emergency had occurred. They needed me to page him. His name was Mr. Jack Meoff. "Please, can you page him". I did. Multiple times. Thus revealing to the world what I already knew...I'm a bit low on common sense. It's fine. I've accepted it, and feel that likely, it means I'm a genius. Like some sort of mad scientist.

You can follow Hayley’s journey at

On a Lighter Note Facebook // On a Lighter Note

pier straigh forward with books - Copy.jpg

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 8/5/20 Catia Holm 8/5/20

Courage to Become | Melissa Gauna

It was challenging going back to school while raising two young boys. But my husband was very supportive, and we made it work. It took me about 5-6 years to finish and complete my certifications as a holistic nutritionist and Nutritional Therapist. I'd travel from Atlanta, GA to Austin, TX, for exams, but I did it. It took time, sleepless nights of studying, reading, and researching, but it has been worth it.

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Enjoy Melissa’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about nourishing our bodies. I know you will too! Please welcome, Melissa

Melissa Gauna, NTP, CHNC of Nutritional Therapy Services

Tell us a little bit about yourself:

Professionally, I'm a Nutritional Therapist who focuses on gut health and autoimmune conditions. I had some health challenges in the past, which I overcame using food.

Also, I'm a momma to 2 strong-willed boys, wife to a wonderfully loving, supportive husband, and I have a newfound love for house plants and herb gardens. As a nutritionist, I am passionate about my work and thoroughly enjoy helping others make dramatic improvements to their health.

I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma outside of Tulsa and will forever treasure the memories and friends made there. I now live in south Texas, in the Rio Grande Valley and have felt right at home as soon as I moved here. I believe in continuous self-improvement, in learning from others, and staying grounded. I love coffee, baking gluten-free goodies & spending time outdoors with my feet in the dirt/sand/grass!

On many occasions, you will find me [with a glass of organic red wine in tow] in the backyard following my husband around as he tends to the flower garden, lawn, and all of our beautiful plants. He's got the green thumb!

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

After I graduated from college with a business degree, I worked for a few years in marketing and sales. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. It was a paycheck. When I was growing up, the feeling was that you should go to school, find a good-paying job, and move up the corporate ladder. But it didn't feel right. I remember being at work daydreaming of being out there in the world doing anything else but doing the job I was doing then. The concept seemed foreign to me because I was raised believing that doing something on your own was too risky; you could fail and lose money, which would be irresponsible.

But it was always in the back of my mind to quit what I was doing and change careers. I dreamed of making my schedule, calling the shots in my own life and career. I didn't want to spend time making someone else money; I wanted to work independently. And life has a funny way of working out. Your thoughts have power.

My husband and I had decided to start a family, and I quit the sales job and focused on raising my family. After my first son, my health deteriorated, and to make a long story short; I exhausted my options in the conventional medical world. I went to many doctors, specialists, and everything in between. I couldn't find answers, and by God's grace, I somehow started reading and learning about how certain foods can affect skin conditions; I was dealing with debilitating eczema at the time. And from then, my life changed.

I found healing through food and decided that I wanted to help others heal as well. And the rest is history. I now work with my Nutritional Therapy clients and work at a local clinic here in Edinburg twice a week. More importantly, I have more freedom and call the shots in my own life and career. I make my schedule and have the freedom to walk away from any job/work that doesn't feel right. My work has a purpose, which to me - is more valuable than working for a paycheck.

How did it feel getting started?

Changing careers was not an easy decision. Your fear can hold you back, and I was afraid of what others would say. I worried that my business degree had been a waste of time. I worried about going back to school while my kids were little. And I talked myself out of it many times, thinking, "just stick to what you already know."

But I needed purpose. The idea of leaping was scary, but I kept thinking to myself, "I can't go back to corporate America." I had to do it.

Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started changing career paths?

It was challenging going back to school while raising two young boys. But my husband was very supportive, and we made it work. It took me about 5-6 years to finish and complete my certifications as a holistic nutritionist and Nutritional Therapist. I'd travel from Atlanta, GA to Austin, TX, for exams, but I did it. It took time, sleepless nights of studying, reading, and researching, but it has been worth it.

What motivates you to stay on this career path?

Helping others heal is a great motivator. And knowing you are making a difference in people's lives is very rewarding. When a client calls to tell me that their doctor took them off medication because of the changes they made to their diet and lifestyle, that's worth celebrating. Or when a client who has suffered from stomach issues most of their life writes to tell me that they no longer fear eating out with friends or no longer worry about running to the restroom or having an accident; you know their quality of life has improved!

Which living person do you most admire?

I admire my mother the most. She's been my biggest cheerleader all of my life. She loved being a stay at home, and I remember she was always there for my siblings and me growing up. She's a true nurturer, but don't get me wrong, she also pushed us hard. She expected a lot from us, which helped us not give up easily and be more disciplined.

When you're young, it's easy to give up on things that are hard and take the easy road, for example, school. But my parents, [particularly my mom] always pushed us not to be afraid of dreaming big. She taught us to take pride in everything we did and not settle for less than we deserve.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Honestly, I wish I had the gift of being organized. I can get distracted easily, so that can make it a challenge to stay on task when trying to organize my workspace, my living space, my time, etc..

What is your most marked characteristic?

I believe a marked feature of mine is a thirst for knowledge. I thoroughly enjoy reading and learning new things; I am almost always enrolled in some online courses. You could say I'm a course junkie.

What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?

There's a famous saying by Ben Franklin, "nothing is certain except death and taxes." However, somehow that evolved into a spin-off for me that goes something like, "there's always a solution to every problem, except death and taxes." This motto helps me remain solution-oriented; rather than focusing and lamenting over a particular problem. I accept the challenge and focus all of my attention on finding a solution. This is something I teach my boys, as well. When they're upset about something that has happened, whether in school or with friends, I remind them to focus on finding a solution. I feel people sometimes find themselves too focused on their problems when they should focus all of their energy on finding a solution to change their situation.

So I tell my kids, "don't' ever feel like there's a problem too big to solve; God's the answer, and we'll always find a solution." I never want my kids to feel like they're stuck or feel like there's no way out of a situation. I let them know they always have the power to change their situation and instill in them hope and strength within themselves to improve whatever makes them unhappy.

But I remind them, "there's no way out of death & taxes."

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

First of all, I'm proud to be raising two smart, curious, rambunctious boys. I'm proud to admit that I apologize to them when I'm wrong because I want them, it's ok to accept when your 'e wrong and work to make it right.

And of course, I feel proud to have completed a college degree, not only for myself but also because it made my parents proud. I'm proud to then have changed careers years later and go back to school again. And I'm also proud that my new career has been so fulfilling and that I'm able to help people get and stay healthy. It's a gratifying career.

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in the mud?

What keeps me going is my faith and knowing that I am part of a bigger purpose; I believe we all have a purpose on this Earth and accept that life has challenges. It's how we face those challenges that make us who we are. My faith gives me hope, and so I hold onto it dearly.

What's one piece of advice you'd give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

One piece of advice I'd give to other women who are about to take a leap of faith is to trust the process. When you feel unhappy in a job, in a career, or in a relationship, that's God's way of telling you there's more out there. Find what gives you purpose, what fulfills you, and fiercely create a life you love.

What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?: To my 20-year-old self, I'd tell her to stop caring about what others think of her. When you're young, worrying about other people can hold you back because of fear. It's the fear of being criticized or ridiculed, which often keeps us from dreaming big and putting ourselves out there. I had a lot of that, and I wish I could've changed that.

Melissa Gauna, NTP, CHNC

Nutritional Therapy Services, LLC offers nutritional counseling to address digestive disorders, blood sugar dysregulation, weight loss, adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalances, food sensitivities and more. Nutritional Therapist and Certified Holistic Nutritionist, Melissa Gauna, counsels clients on how to use food as medicine and how to transition from the Standard American Diet (SAD) to a nutrient-dense, whole-foods diet. She believes in bio-individuality and believes the body has the innate ability to heal itself, given the right foods.

Melissa teaches group classes, offers corporate wellness programs and also counsels one-on-one. She is very passionate about her work and building strong relationships with her clients. If you have doctor's orders to eat better, Melissa can help bridge the gap between doctor's orders and your efforts at home. Melissa partners with licensed practitioners in the Rio Grande Valley to create true partnerships in health.

Be sure to connect with Melissa on

Instagram // Facebook // and on her website - Heal Your Gut Love Your Body

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 7/23/20 Catia Holm 7/23/20

Courage to Become | Dr. Danielle Fox

One month after my hospitalization, I woke up (the day after my 35th birthday) and could not feel my right hand. I could not hold onto anything and realized that I had developed a tremor. This was unfortunate, as we were in Las Vegas celebrating my birthday with my parents and one of our closest friends. Things continued from there, and, by August, I agreed to a spinal tap (the final piece to the diagnostic puzzle).
The results came in - Multiple Sclerosis. We were in shock. I had watched my husband's best friend from law school go through his MS diagnosis and seen what a hard time he had had. I was terrified. Deep down, I knew exactly what was going on but did not want to admit it to myself.

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

I have always admired Danielle and used to be intimidated by her. She always seemed so strong and in her power, and way back when - I didn’t know how to be like that, and so when I saw women operating in that way - it was a little scary! Eventually, my intimidation shifted to admiration. I have watched her and seen her work from afar, but I had no idea ALL that she was battling. She’s an absolute superhero. Please welcome, Danielle.

Dr. Danielle D. Fox

Ph.D., CRC, NBC-HWC

from Essentials for Integrative Health

Where do I begin?

When approached about writing about "my story," I was humbled and excited about the opportunity. Then reality set in, and I realized that I am not comfortable being so "open" about my story. The truth is that I have spent the past 22 years living my life and rolling with the punches without much thought about how my trials, tribulations, and triumphs may help or inspire others. With that being said, here goes!

The beginning

How did I get to where I am today? It truly is overwhelming when I sit and think about this. How do I get this whole story down into a page or two?

How do I tell this story? Well, bear with me as I try to do my best with it all. I will summarize how I ended up where I am today while focusing on the "big" events in my life that altered my course.

Who am I?

What a question, "Who am I?". Do any of us truly know who we are? As our lives change and take form and move in different directions, ebbing and flowing, the answer to this question most likely changes. I am today very different from who I was yesterday, last year, ten years ago, etc.

Which version of myself am I today?

I am an uber Type A, perfectionist personality. I am a doer! I push myself. I also can be quite stubborn, and I feel this has kept me going despite the obstacles thrown in my path.

I am also a wife, daughter, friend, Ph.D., Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Advocate, Ally, and the list goes on.

I am a genuine and fair individual, and I do my best to help others.

How did I get here?

I started dating my husband 22 years ago. I was working toward my bachelor's when we met and was in a place where I did not know what I wanted to do. Once we had been dating a while, Aaron encouraged me to finish school and figure out what I wanted to do. After many years of changing my major and finally deciding on Psychology, I realized that more school was in my future.

But first, we got married!

Aaron and I were married in 2003, and I couldn't do much with a Psych degree. I started evaluating graduate programs. At the time, Aaron and I were being moved to California, so I had applications to UC Bakersfield for a Master's in Clinical Psychology and an application to UTPA for Communication Disorders on my desk at home. I understand these are two different routes, but please bear with me. Aaron and I ended up staying in Texas, and I applied to the Communication Disorders program at UTPA. I was admitted to the Communication Disorders program as a Special Student. This required 27 undergraduate coursework hours before starting the master's level coursework.

I completed all requirements and found myself working as a Medical Speech-Language Pathologist in local hospitals in the Rio Grande Valley.

I loved what I was doing, and the hospital's fast pace was a good fit for my uber Type A personality. I was busy running around all day, and I loved my patients and their families.

I need to back up here for a minute.

Before my official working in hospitals, I had undergone a hysterectomy a week after my 30th birthday due to severe fibroid tumors. This is relevant because this change in my life course led me to seek more education.

While all of my friends were having children, I was looking for a Ph.D. program!

I found the Ph.D. in Rehabilitative Counseling program at UTPA (now UTRGV).

I spoke with the program director and discovered rehabilitative counseling as the perfect marriage of my communication disorders education and my psychology background. I applied to the program and was admitted. However, I did need to take 27 hours of master's level coursework before starting my Ph. D. level coursework. Wait, I am beginning to see a trend here.

This is where things changed…

I loved my Ph.D. program! I was working at 2 area hospitals as a medical speech-language pathologist and taking full-time Ph.D. level coursework. I was one busy person, and my uber Type A personality was thriving… or so I thought.

Before I share this part of the story, I will give some background. I have had neurological things going on here and there since I was about 14 years old. I was a dancer (ballet, tap, jazz, pointe, lyrical, hip-hop, tumbling, etc.), so I always attributed any "odd" sensations as a result of not stretching, too much stretching, or an injury. I would have bouts of extreme fatigue that, again, were attributed to doing too much. In January of the second semester of my first year of Ph.D. level coursework, I contracted pertussis from a child I was working within one of the hospitals. I am asthmatic and was more susceptible to developing full-blown pertussis. I had never been so sick in my life! I was still taking 12 hours of Ph.D. level coursework and working when I could. Things continued on a downhill trajectory from this point on (health-wise). That March, our home was destroyed by a once in a 100 years storm. I was still recovering from pertussis, and then the next storm hit.

While all of this was going on, I realized I had had severe pain in my left eye for almost two months. Naturally, I thought nothing of it and just dealt with it. It is probably a good time to report that my trainer had noticed some severe visual deficits and had been complaining about my vision for about 18 months.

By the time I started complaining about the severe stabbing pain in my eye, my vision was getting worse, and my balance was affected. I worked out with my trainer on a Saturday morning and could not hold my balance to save my life! I looked and felt drunk and, by the time I got home, my left eye was drooping. I thought I was having a stroke!

The diagnosis…

I called my eye doctor right then, and by Wednesday, I was in the neurologist's office. I was hospitalized the following Monday (I was in the middle of finals and negotiated my report date for the hospital). I was diagnosed with Optic Neuritis and was hospitalized for five days on an IV Solu-Medrol drip. At this time, everyone thought this was an isolated incident. We would soon find out otherwise. One month after my hospitalization, I woke up (the day after my 35th birthday) and could not feel my right hand. I could not hold onto anything and realized that I had developed a tremor. This was unfortunate, as we were in Las Vegas celebrating my birthday with my parents and one of our closest friends. Things continued from there, and, by August, I agreed to a spinal tap (the final piece to the diagnostic puzzle).

The results came in - Multiple Sclerosis. We were in shock. I had watched my husband's best friend from law school go through his MS diagnosis and seen what a hard time he had had. I was terrified. Deep down, I knew exactly what was going on but did not want to admit it to myself.

We started seeing specialists and, after one horrible experience at the Cleveland Clinic, I found myself at UCSF with the incredible neurologist ever! My whole perspective and level of MS care shifted once I started seeing Dr. Liz Crabtree. I continued my Ph.D. coursework and modified my schedule. I started sitting fall semesters out so that I could focus on my health. This is where my health journey truly began.

My health journey…

I changed my diet/lifestyle. I was a gluten-free vegan and had completely given up alcohol! This was not the best fit for me, as I was on 5 IV steroid treatments that first year (2012). I was encouraged to modify my diet and work on the best fit for me. Here's the kicker… each MS-specific diet book is a different diet! How is someone supposed to follow one thing when there is so much contradictory information out there? I became my own advocate and started researching and trying different things for myself. I tried different diets, supplements, alternative therapies. You name it, and I have tried it. My MS is much more active than my doctors would like, but it is what it is.

I continue to work on finding the perfect balance for me. At this time, that balance is diet/lifestyle, a ton of supplements, getting out of the heat and into a temperate climate for a significant portion of the year, medical cannabis and CBD, yoga, massage, and mindfulness.

Where this has brought me…

After being set back almost two years as a result of the MS diagnosis, I graduated with my Ph.D. in Rehabilitative Counseling in December 2017. Now what??? I had spent so much time "working on" my Ph.D., that attaining it was anticlimactic. You work so hard on something for so long, despite severe setbacks and limitations that you are almost numb when you finally reach the finish line. After looking into different options with my newfound title, I stumbled onto Integrative Health Coaching. This was the perfect marriage of my education and my personal experience. Who is better equipped to help individuals with change than someone that has been (and continues to go) through so much themselves?

Where I am today…

I researched programs and applied to the Integrative Health Coaching program through Duke University's School of Integrative Medicine. I didn't tell anyone I applied; I just did it an crossed my fingers. I was accepted and took my first trip to Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina! I completed the foundation course through Duke University, then the Certification course, and the National Board Certifying Exam.

I am a National Board-Certified Integrative Health Coach trained by Duke University Integrative Medicine. Wow, that's a mouthful!

I work with individuals in making meaningful and lasting lifestyle changes by focusing on the whole person. I love what I do! I have finally found my calling and use for all of my education and personal experience. I work with an Integrative Medicine specialist, and I, myself, walk the walk.

I understand that I have glossed over the nitty-gritty details of my MS struggles. I feel this piece is intended more for how I got to where I am rather than my actual daily struggle.

MS is something I deal with.

It is with me all day, every day. My days are quite unpredictable as I may overdo it one day and have nothing in me the next. I live in a constant state of trying to maintain balance and do not always succeed.

This diagnosis has taught me a lesson in patience; however, I still struggle with my uber Type-A tendencies and am constantly reminding myself to slow down!

I am still working on what is best for me and am happy to sit down and discuss my MS journey in more detail if you would like to contact me. In a nutshell, I have had to make significant lifestyle changes and acknowledge my limitations. I have had to learn to say "NO" and put myself first. This is not always easy, and I (often) seem like I am unreliable.

Those closest to me know about my daily struggles, but even they do not see the whole of it. I am ME, and I do my best to continue to work toward helping others. I hope this sharing is able to help you

Sending each of you my best,

Danielle

Dr. Danielle D Fox, PhD, CRC, NBC-HWC is a National Board Certified Integrative Health Coach. Trained by Duke University’s School of Integrative Medicine. Dr. Fox is a PhD in Rehabilitative Counseling and is a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.

During her second year of PhD coursework, Dr. Fox was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). This diagnosis lead to Dr. Fox embarking on her own personal health and wellness journey. Dr. Fox's doctoral research assessed the role of Locus of Control and how that relates to Quality of Life among individuals with Multiple Sclerosis. Through her research, Dr. Fox found, that in most chronic conditions, individuals with an internal locus of control tend to fare better. What does this mean? This means that individuals that are more proactive and hold themselves accountable in their health tend to exhibit better clinical outcomes. In researching the MS population, Dr. Fox found that there is, in fact, a relationship between an internal locus of control and improved quality of life scores among individuals with MS. What does this mean for you? This means that Dr. Fox has the experience and tools to empower clients and facilitate meaningful and healthy lifestyle changes.

Through her own personal experience with Integrative Medicine, Dr. Fox found that by implementing lifestyle changes (in all areas of her life) she was able to better manage her chronic condition and improve her overall health and well being. This personal health and well being journey, combined with Dr. Fox's education and area of research, provides her with a different perspective and understanding of the importance and value of implementing lifestyle changes as well as the tools necessary to assist you on your journey.

You can connect with Danielle via her website

Essentials for Integrative Health , Facebook , or Instagram

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 6/8/20 Catia Holm 6/8/20

How are you after last week?

Ten days ago I sent out a Weekly Wisdom email - and the topic was how to sustain change.. And then, a tsunami of events, emotions, and information came barreling at America.

If you are Black and reading this, I hold you in my heart and my actions. I am learning and unlearning and acting on your behalf. I am sorry and embarrassed that I didn't know just how much you have gone through and go through. I am committed to not only doing better - but to DOING WELL on your behalf. I will be there for you in my words and thoughts and actions. I know this week was a tsunami, an onslaught, and I'm sorry that you are in the middle of all of it.

--

If you are not Black, I see you, and I feel you. As a leader of people who want to grow and do their best ( I am so proud of you ), I wanted to be there for you, and so I didn't want to be silent. I wanted to be vocal and push the envelope (of my social media - but most of all of my heart and comfort.)

When you learn that you have been blind and worse, complicit in the hurting of others - it is a gross, all-encompassing feeling. The murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery have affected me like nothing ever has before. It has taken over my head and heart. And I suppose that's a good thing.

Here's something significant that I want you to know.

You have the skills to be a group of people who bring about change. I know that you are who we have been waiting for.

I'm not sure how long you have been with me ( reading my work and showing up for me) for some of you it's recent, and for others, it's been ten years. I know that if you are here - you are GOOD and you are STRONG, and you WANT GOOD FOR THE WORLD.

I know it.

Deconstructing beliefs takes time and intentionality. Change takes time. Looking at ourselves and where we have unconscious biases will not be easy. Seeing the hurt that our brothers and sisters have endured for centuries will break your heart open - but I urge you to look at it - don't look away.

Let it break your heart open. It's in the breaking of your heart that you will transform.

How do I know this?

Because I have been there before, and so have you.

As my teacher, Dr. Shefali, says, “pain is a portal.”

Each of us has that time when our hearts shattered, and we thought, "this is the end, we cannot endure anymore." After prayer, intention, and love, we started to feel lighter, stronger, and freer. We transformed.

Maybe it was a bad break up; maybe it was the loss of a loved one, maybe it was a job loss, maybe it was a suicidal attempt, and maybe it was drug addiction. Something brought us to our knees, and we begged for relief. Do you remember that time?

And yet, here you are. Standing tall, taking deep breaths, evolving, being a blessing to yourself and others.

--
And so I know, you and me, we were made for a time such a this.

I believe in you.

Here's what I am doing to take action.

Also, last night I watched, Just Mercy on Netflix, and I am a changed woman. I will literally never be the same. I highly recommend it. It will break your heart WIDE OPEN. You will move into action after watching it. God Bless Bryan Stevenson.

Jamie Foxx, Bryan Stevenson (American Civil Rights Lawyer and angel ), Michael B. Jordan

Let me know how I can help you on this journey of unlearning.

so much love and hope for you and for us, catia

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 9/16/19 Catia Holm 9/16/19

We are packing our bags and....

In 2018 our youngest, Luciana, turned a year old. And as parents of young children, EVERY SINGLE PERSON advised us to, “savor the moment,” and “enjoy the girls.” They told us “things will go by in a flash,” and “don’t miss it.” And so Guapo and I looked at each other and thought, we’d better listen.

So we made a plan. We would slow down. We would take things off our plates. We would choose to BE with our young girls and cherish the days.

So in March of 2018, we decided we’d leave our beloved Austin, put our careers on hold and we’d take a life sabbatical.

We’d go somewhere where life was slow, and we could just be together.

A few months later, in May of 2018, we gave away half of our belongings, stored the rest, and moved to Panama. Panama, Central America. All of it went pretty quickly.

Guapo did all the planning, and I packed our bags. I landed on Panamanian soil, sight unseen. I didn’t do a lick of research. I just trusted.

We arrived with 6 suitcases, 2 car seats, a stroller, a 3.5-year-old and a 1.5-year-old.

The night we arrived, Guapo assured me a luxury van was going to pick us up and take us to a hotel. When we walked out of the airport into the wet humidity, I saw no luxury vans. But I did see some janky vans. “That one!” He was pointing to the janky van. “Oh my God,” I thought. I got in the van, and it didn’t have a way to affix the car seats. “Great,” I’m in a foreign country, and I can’t keep my baby safe. What did we get ourselves into?

But then we walked into our new home, and I thought, “alright, alright, alright!” It was clean and beautiful and had so much space! Turns out, the cost of living in Panama is A LOT less than Austin.

The girls’ bedrooms were the priority, and so we went to go buy a crib for Luci, and Guapo asked for “ropa” to tie the crib to the top of our rental car. And so they kept sending him to the 2nd level of the store – where they sold….CLOTHES! Lasso. It’s a lasso. We needed a lasso to tie the crib.

We have SO many of those stories.

It took us about 3 months, but we learned a new way of life. A slow one. When I arrived, I continually wanted to be productive and busy because that’s how I had always operated. But in Coronado, there was nothing to do. There was the beach, the gym, and golf. Those were your choices. And so, I learned to just sit and not rush from place to place.

And then, the most magical part started to happen. We began to BECOME more attuned to our children. We spent days, seeing them for who they were. We learned better ways to parent. We took so much off our plate that we did what we set out to do – we enjoyed our girls. We spent countless hours in the pool and in the hammock and dancing in the kitchen. We absolutely changed the dynamic of our family. We learned how to be intentional with words and time, and we have seen our girls flourish because of it.

And once the four of us got our bearings, we started to settle in, and build a community. We made Coronado, ( a small beach town 90 miles west of Panama City) our home. We became friendly with the fruit stand attendants, the beach club staff, the team at our local salon. I took a part-time job as a gym instructor and even got a Zumba Strong certification along the way. Guapo went surfing and started Jiu-Jitsu. And we had BBQs and game nights and play dates with friends. We really loved people, and they loved us back.

And now Alexandra is 5 and Luciana is rounding the corner on 3, and it’s time to pack our bags and go back to Texas.

We have had a rough several months here health-wise and a few nights ago our home got broken into while we were sleeping. But even though the last few months have been rough – I am still so glad we came.

We did it.

I mean, I’m just a girl from Weslaco. I grew up in the same house my entire life. Getting up and moving to a foreign country was a big deal for me. And I did it. I figured it out. I figured out the traffic and directions. I figured out how to teach a gym class in Spanish! I figured out health care and school systems. I figured out how to build a community, one intentional act at a time.

Today, I told some of my friends we were moving, and my girlfriend said, “What are we going to do without your light?” She squeezed me tight. And I cried.

Never in my wildest dreams did I picture our life sabbatical unfolding the way it did.

It was rich in experience and love and courage. We did exactly what we set out to do – we slowed down, and we loved Alexandra and Luciana well. Which may sound cheesy, but how good do you feel when someone loves you wholly and completely? We are all the better for it.

What an adventure.

If you’re out there and you’re wondering if you should take a leap. DO IT. If you’re wondering -- it’s because your soul knows it needs to stretch. It’s because your soul knows that there’s so much to be experienced and learned and felt and enjoyed when you take the leap. I can’t tell you how your leap will turn out, I can’t promise you it’ll turn out like a fairy tale, but I can guarantee you that you will be delighted when you realize just how strong and capable you are. Go for it, adventure awaits. And come back and tell us the story.

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 5/11/19 Catia Holm 5/11/19

“Must be nice.” Words that used to cripple me.

My parents were and are really hard workers (My mom was born in Mexico and migrated to the US, my dad was born in Texas and grew up working on farms,) and they opened their own business in 1982-- and the fact that they were business owners was enough to get people to bully me as a young girl.

Must be nice to have it so good. Must be nice to have it so easy. Must be nice to not have to work so hard. Must be nice to be teacher’s pet.

And the ultimate dread was that they would say these things to me in Spanish. I’d get steamrolled verbally and I couldn’t keep up or respond and I’d just have to walk away with my tail between my legs.

After enough bullying I subconsciously I started to defend my life.

Every time I would encounter a blessing, or something fun and simple like a new outfit, I’d book end it with 9-year-old versions of “But I also encounter struggle.” I’d go off explaining how I too suffer. How life is hard for me from time to time. How I don’t have it all. How I hurt. How my life wasn’t perfect. I’d laugh it off and sometimes throw in some self-deprecating humor – anything to convince my classmates I was worthy of belonging.

The truth of my childhood was that I was blessed.

I had amazing parents who loved me well and kept me safe. I always had food and clean clothes and never wanted for anything. I had birthday parties and Halloween costumes and complete emotional support. I did have nicer things than some of my friends, but not the nicest. My mom drove a blue Toyota Corolla, a grey Astro van and then a maroon Ford Tarus station wagon because if would fit the snare drum that I toted to school every day.

I never felt entitled. I always felt grateful and more than that, a responsibility. A responsibility to do the best with what my parents had worked so hard to give me.

So I did. I worked hard. (I wrote about how my parents gave me the gift of grit here.) I was a good student. I tried my hand and did well at UIL writing, marching band, jazz band, golf – and all sorts of other extracurricular activities.

What I wanted more than anything back then, was for someone to acknowledge my hard work. I wanted my peers to see how much I tried – how much I was earning what I was receiving.

I wanted to be able to be blessed, work hard and also belong.

I started working for and with my parents when I was 8. And every holiday, and summer vacation – while my friends were watching tv and going to the mall, I was working with my parents. I put in a lot of hours. My duties were simple, but I was working. And by the time I was 14, every summer, I was working full-time as a cashier.

I was blessed, I did have it nice, AND I stewarded both well.

What would give me knots and throw me into a shame spiral was when people dismissed my hard work.

And so I learned to sandwich every blessing with difficulty. And over the years it became part of who I was.

Has that ever happened to you? A bad habit just become part of who you are?

I would dim my light and hide my joy because if I was truly standing in all of who I was, I was a target for ridicule.

As I became a wife and mom and continued my path of healing and self-discovery, I started to be curious about this part of myself. The part that wanted everyone to know that I worked hard, that I was deserving, that I was worthy.

It’s still a tender spot for me.

I still guard that part of my heart close.

But I have started to shed the layers of shame around “it being nice.”

I am a good person, who takes good care of friends and family and everyone in my world. I am grateful and generous with my time and thoughts and effort. Most of this is not public – and yet I know that I have made a difference in lives of many people for the better. And I do it from a place of sincerity. I want to make the world a better place and I do what I can where I can.

It can be hard to share blessings with the world because you’re always putting yourself out there for others to comment, “must be nice,” with an undertone of dismissal.

I am 35 now and learning that it is a disservice to my joy and my life and the lives of those around me if I am constantly tampering down all that I’ve received – whether it be by blessing, fortune, luck, or hard work.

Even right now, my old habits are creeping up and I want to tell you how much I have struggled.

“Everyone lives three lives, public, private and secret.” - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I want to share with you why I deserve all the goodness in my life. I want to tell you that I am grateful for it. That I treat people well. That I deserve it.

But I’ll stop myself.

I’ll stop myself because I want you to know that you deserve ALL the goodness the Universe and God can send your way with having to defend it.

What would our lives look like and feel like if we accepted all that goodness with grateful heart, enjoyed it and were good stewards of it? Can we begin to lean into that?

May you know you are worthy of a peaceful life.

May you know that you can experience goodness in its fullness without defending yourself.

May you know that you are deserving.

May you know that you have nothing to prove.

May you know that when you rise to the occasion that is your life, it gives us permission to the same.

May you know that more you share the goodness in your life, the more you will receive.

May you know that you belong not despite anything, but because you are.

Feature Image: Abel Riojas Photography

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 9/18/18 Catia Holm 9/18/18

The Courage to Become | Shani Montique-Ahmad

In the Beginning

I met my husband watching a live band in the garage of some condo in East Austin, years ago. I was completely over being in a relationship and almost didn’t attend the event that changed my life. I hate to say that the cliché is true, but when you’re not looking for your life partner your match will find you. That night it was all about me having a good time with friends and then he showed up. After a double date eating some really hot Thai food at Madam Ma’am’s with runny noses, we found it difficult to not be together. Soon thereafter, he discovered that band-life wasn’t for him and I realized that working retail and weekends was not my calling. We eventually wised-up, got a game plan that would bond us forever, and executed.

When we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, I wouldn’t have dared to compare our union to a race to the finish line. We met when I was 27 years old, nearly 28, and my husband was 31. We got married three years later. Before we said, “I do”, we tackled through all the hard topics like lifestyle, religion, politics, business, and child rearing, which I’m sure extended our courtship. For us, raising a child is one of the most important duties a person will ever have in their lifetime so settling any differences was crucial. As equipped as we thought we were in our efforts to avoid marital complications, we were ill-prepared for the emotional roller coaster of infertility.

Twenty Minutes After

Excitement was the feeling we both felt when, in the Fall of 2013, I became pregnant.

We broke all the rules of keeping our mouths shut and soon told all our close friends and family. I knew that I had fibroids, but a few of my aunts and cousins on both sides of the family did too and, with some complications, were able to bear children. Naturally, I was very prepared for a few bumps in the road until I gave birth. My OBGYN monitored me very closely. The fibroids had grown quickly and feasted on the boost of estrogen in my body. I began to notice a large bulge gradually protruding near my right hip. Towards the end of my first trimester, I was ordered to go on bed rest for a few days. On a Sunday, I was released to start work the coming Monday and I was relieved that possibly the worst was behind me. Twenty minutes after my husband left for work I became VERY scared. My body started experiencing the excruciatingly painful process of miscarriage.

I instinctively wanted to be prepared for the worst. I researched all the symptoms of suffering miscarriage while on bed rest, not expecting that I would soon live the tragedy. The pain was sharp like a knife to the lower abdomen, which forced me to immediately fold forward. I started symptomatically sweating and could hardly speak when I called 911 to rescue me. I managed to get an ambulance and very slowly inched to the front door doubled over in agonizing pain to avoid the paramedics breaking my window or door; left the door wide open and went to lay down.

The long morning ride to the hospital regarding fertility issues was not going to be my last. As much as I dislike taking medication, I begged the paramedic in a forced whisper for “more drugs” to take the pain away. Terminology like Dilation and Curettage (D&C) and Laparoscopic Myomectomy soon became very familiar. In the last four years, I have had three of each surgery. My fourth and most recent pregnancy in January of 2018 following the In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) procedure was a short-lived celebration that lasted only six days. I was diagnosed with a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy and given methotrexate twice to terminate the stubborn pregnancy. I had side effects of acute uterine pain and blood loss. After all the nausea, the medication, the needles, the weight gain, the constant blood withdrawals for lab testing, the hormones, and the surgeries… I was exhausted.

Surviving Through Purpose

It’s uplifting when you can find happiness even when you’re going through the most trying times.

My husband and I own and operate the Franklin Music Academy, a private business, in Austin teaching mostly children music lessons at our home studio and this has been the anchor in our relationship. After the newness of marriage is over and all you’re left with is each other, I guess it’s easy for people to get wrapped up in child rearing, a career, or some hobby, but for us it’s our business that forces us to communicate and work out our problems. The irony to dedicate our lives in educating other people’s children and not have our own is mind-blowing. In hindsight, I have realized that finding purpose through the business has been my strength and lifeline. Almost 5 years of infertility and upset has only been bearable knowing that I am contributing to my husband’s happiness teaching music and creating an environment that nurtures child development.

During our journey to expand our family, it was difficult to see parents with their kids at our house, but surprisingly our clients helped us cope. They were a nice distraction that kept us very busy. As I grew more comfortable sharing my infertility story outside of friends and family, I discovered that we were not alone. Due to the complications that IVF brought, we decided that this would no longer be a viable option as we needed to ensure our frozen embryos would still be able to bring us a family. Amazingly, one of our clients came forward and offered to be our compassionate gestational surrogate.

The feeling was undeniably magical when our client announced to be our carrier. We felt like we had hit the lottery especially considering the fact that our thoughtful client did not want to be compensated outside of paying for her medical bills. We made all the proper arrangements with our fertility clinic and waived her fees for music lessons for her kids. Unfortunately, after 2 months of preparation, we were told that our client was not a good fit for surrogacy.

Determined to Keep Going

It was hard to let go of the lady that thought so highly of us. It takes a special person to take on the great responsibility of surrogacy. Surrogacy is a self-less act that requires a strong mind and a heart as big as Texas. To assist in bringing a child into someone else’s family is a sacrifice of time and energy and we will be forever grateful to the next person that selects us as the intended parents. We still believe the best method to minimize the risk of miscarriage is to have a gestational surrogate and, this time, we are going through a surrogacy agency to find a carrier.

Choosing this route shouldn’t indicate that I have given up on wanting to have kids naturally one day. Nowadays, I have been diligently working on healing myself from the inside out through food, which is the best medicine. Agreeing to do IVF is a very involved self-sacrificial process that tests your sanity, your relationship, and your financial nest egg. The hormones make you testy and moody, seclusive, and have side-effects that can make you more prone to illnesses, including cancer. I am not suggesting that IVF shouldn’t be considered as an alternative to having children, but people should be aware that this procedure is very taxing. Now that I am off all the medications, I can focus on diet and exercise and doing the things that make me happy.

It may sound odd to continue our journey considering our history, but why should we give up? After you have afforded all the things you want and lived your life doing and seeing everything you desire, what then? When you’re old and gray and lying flat on your back, all of those things won’t matter. You’ll be too weak to enjoy them anyway. A child is a gift that keeps giving when their bright smiling face comes to visit you until your last breath.

My husband and I planned our life to marry, enjoy each other, and a few years later start a family. We started a business, bought a house, paid off our debts, and grew our emergency funds to support our baby. All the required ingredients of stability, love, and a two-parent household fostering fun and education has been properly laid out. Our dream of expanding our family will not expire until we have our baby by hook or by crook and we are eager to one day enjoy a family with children to love and nurture.

Essay by: Shani Montique-Ahmad

You can connect with Shani at Franklin Music Academy on Facebook and Instagram

1-catia-hernandez-holm-tedx-speaker-author-the-courage-to-become-book-coach-confidence-joy-mom.jpg

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

2-catia-hernandez-holm-tedx-speaker-author-the-courage-to-become-boo.jpg

Catia Holm 7/10/18 Catia Holm 7/10/18

The Courage to Become | Kiema Rogers-Washington

They say,“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! As a mother sometimes we don’t know how strong we are until our motherhood is threatened. We as women give so much of ourselves to people, taking a risk to love and possibly not receive the same in return.

I met my son’s father when I was 20 years old and he was 37. I’ve always attracted older men, so this was no surprise. I had an 8 month old and I was out of a job. I met him at a party in Houston and fell in love with him through conversation. After leaving the party, we kept in touch through Facebook. I felt my young heart falling for him more, especially since he was sending poems everyday. It wasn’t long after I moved to Houston with him. I know it may have seemed fast, but I had made up my mind in the short 3 weeks of our dating. I didn’t know that he was a felon, nor did I know that we would be living with his 92 year old father. I was taking a risk by leaving the comfort of my mother’s home to go live with a complete stranger!

Soon we settled in and he revealed to me that he was a felon and it would be hard for him to find a job. I thought it strange but, because I was so blinded by what I thought was love, I decided to stick with it and do what I needed to do to make it work. But there was still a question in my head that needed to be answered, “What was I getting myself into?”

Although skeptical, I decided to ignore that little voice in my head. After all, he did help take care of a child that wasn’t his. As time went on he became more and more controlling.

I also forgot to mention that his very pregnant ex girlfriend (at least that what he told me) was also living there because she had no place to go.

I couldn’t go certain places or talk to family members.

I finally found a job working at Pappa’s BBQ in Houston. It was right down the street from Reliant Stadium where the Texans played football. My mother had come to get my son to spend some quality time with us and also, it was easier for me to work without having to search for a babysitter.

Back at the house my boyfriend was getting angrier and we were fighting more. He had thrown me up against the wall and choked me down to the floor. He was calling me all kinds of bad names like B-tch, worthless, and the worst of them all, you’re a horrible mother.

I was only falling deeper and deeper into depression, I couldn’t tell my mother or my family for that matter, how much hell I was going through. I couldn’t tell them that he was hitting me. I couldn’t tell them that he had gotten so mad at me that he tried to run his car into an 18 wheeler with my then 3 year old son in the car.

I stayed because I knew he was a broken man, he needed help and I thought I would be the one to help him. You see I’ve learned in this journey called life is that when you’re damaged, you have a desire to help those around you, who are just as damaged as you. But as I stated before, I kept this secret for a while. I continued to live with him and I surely didn’t want to lose my job and move back in with my mother.

Fast forward to get the real reason my life began but also ended.

The very thing that would give any mother a reason to keep living. The night was quiet and I had just gotten off of work. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. An argument was started between the both of us and I opted to stop and not say anything. Like a lot of the other fights that began, it turned into a physical fight.

Some may say, “Why didn’t I call the police?” Well, being that I had called the police numerous times and no one came to the house or he would use his prison wit to get the police to believe his lies. One thing he could do so well, was to get me upset and play it cool with the authorities to be make it seem I was angry and deranged.

As we fought and argued, I decided to just stop talking because it was only making it worse.

He threw me down and raped me.

It was the worst feeling in the world!! I didn’t want my boy considering he was an ideal example of a father.

I kept my mouth shut!! I never told a soul what happened that night since I was already a victim of childhood molestation and no one believed me anyway. I felt helpless!!

Time went on and I found out I was pregnant. At the time we were broken up and I was working at another job, living with friends, and I didn’t want to look back.

Nine months went by and I gave birth to son. I had been so hurt and broken, that I thought about giving him up for adoption. But as a mother I couldn’t allow my son to be raised by complete strangers.

When someone has hurt as bad as this man had and raped you knowing that you didn’t want to have a child by him, what would you do?

I am a Christian and I don’t believe in abortion so I thought adoption would be best. I had a cesarean section and I knew my recovery would be hard and long. Soon after taking me home to his father’s home, he came up with this crazy excuse as to why he had to leave me and the baby alone. I was left alone at home by myself with a newborn baby to fend for myself. The only thing good that came out of that was his 92 year old father felt so bad for me that he gave me one of his cane to help me walk on. I was lonely, scared, and on top of that, fighting bed bugs that weren’t there before I went to the hospital to give birth.

But I kept pushing through the pain. A mother’s love besides the love of Christ is the greatest of them all! We have to thank God for being able to display that unconditional love to our and for our children. Eventually he came back to the house and of course I was still on my own considering the fact that he never really helped with anything.

Some more time had passed and we were living in our own place. He had left us once again and I had gotten used to it. We were living there a year but he had left and gone to live with another woman whom he promised while we were together that they were only friends. He had also recently gotten out of jail from spending a 4 months there, due to my mom writing a letter to Board of Pardons of Parol to tell them of the abuse that I had endured from his hand and mouth.

You see, sometimes life gives and opportunity to escape, but because we’re so brainwashed we find it hard to leave.

Some women ask, “Why didn’t you leave?”

It was so complicated!

Since my first son’s father wasn’t in his life I was trying to do the right thing by letting him be a part of our son’s life, regardless of the circumstances. See, I tried to give him a chance. Do the right thing!!

In July 2012, yet another argument and he grabbed our son and took him to the car. I ran outside after him. He locked the doors, backed up, let the windows down and yelled “Fuck you bitch I’ll see you in court!” Sorry to be so uncensored but that was the worse day of my life.

I tried putting him on child support and reaching out to him but nothing worked.

I received a letter in the mail stating that he was suing me for full custody and child support. Seriously? The nerve of him. I was taking care of our son and breastfeeding him.

I didn’t know where he lived so it was kind of hard to put and address on the child support papers I had filed before him. I was angry and scared.

The day was April 10, 2013. I had been in yet another abusive relationship and had gotten pregnant. I was 9 months pregnant with my third son when we were due in court.

I had gotten a lawyer and all he was had was his girlfriend. I had the emails where he called every name in the book except his child’s mother. Even armed with all of that, I was still ordered to pay $125 in child support. What?

I felt like it was over! How could I have visited my child when I didn’t know where he was living? The police kept telling me that it was a civil matter.

I was broken, poor, and pregnant. My mother held me in her arms so tightly as I shed my tears.

How could someone I thought I loved be so cruel. I was also ordered to have visitation every first, third, and fifth, weekend and some holidays. I was 23 years old and I was lost!!

Eight days later I gave birth to my third son and he took away some of the pain, but my heart still ached. My first visitation began the day I gave birth in the hospital. I was afraid my son wouldn’t recognize me. But when I got him he was different, he wasn’t smiling but pointing to everything instead of talking. I didn’t know what was going on at that house but I knew my child wasn’t the same. Years went by and months but nothing changed. I had tried to fight it in court two other times afterwards but was unsuccessful. And to think that now til this day he hasn’t brought him to see me nor he has he abided by the court order.

I never knew how strong I was until being strong was all I had. Until God was all I all I had.

Here I am in 2018, happily married to my best friend and I’m now a minister. There have been ups and downs but God has kept me through it all.

I am due back in court April 6 of this year. Keep me in your prayers.

This is for all the mother’s who’ve lost their children and who have lost their innocence. Those who can’t seem to leave. I know how scary it is to start over.

And to those family members that don’t understand, don’t give up on them, they need you, their children need you!

-Kiema Rogers-Washington

Essay by Kiema Rogers-Washington

11.15.17 Catia's Portrait Session-0042.jpg

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

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You can connect Sonya on Facebook and on Instagram

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You can find Karina and Common Assembly on their

Website , Facebook , Instagram

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Hayley Hengst from On a Lighter Note

About Hayley:

What's changed?

What's the Same?

Other Things...

You can follow Hayley’s journey at

On a Lighter Note Facebook // On a Lighter Note

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Melissa Gauna, NTP, CHNC of Nutritional Therapy Services

Melissa Gauna, NTP, CHNC

Be sure to connect with Melissa on

Instagram // Facebook // and on her website - Heal Your Gut Love Your Body

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Dr. Danielle D. Fox

Ph.D., CRC, NBC-HWC

from Essentials for Integrative Health

You can connect with Danielle via her website

Essentials for Integrative Health , Facebook , or Instagram

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