Courage to Become | Dr. Danielle Fox
One month after my hospitalization, I woke up (the day after my 35th birthday) and could not feel my right hand. I could not hold onto anything and realized that I had developed a tremor. This was unfortunate, as we were in Las Vegas celebrating my birthday with my parents and one of our closest friends. Things continued from there, and, by August, I agreed to a spinal tap (the final piece to the diagnostic puzzle).
The results came in - Multiple Sclerosis. We were in shock. I had watched my husband's best friend from law school go through his MS diagnosis and seen what a hard time he had had. I was terrified. Deep down, I knew exactly what was going on but did not want to admit it to myself.
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Danielle is one of them.
I have always admired Danielle and used to be intimidated by her. She always seemed so strong and in her power, and way back when - I didn’t know how to be like that, and so when I saw women operating in that way - it was a little scary! Eventually, my intimidation shifted to admiration. I have watched her and seen her work from afar, but I had no idea ALL that she was battling. She’s an absolute superhero. Please welcome, Danielle.
Dr. Danielle D. Fox
Ph.D., CRC, NBC-HWC
from Essentials for Integrative Health
Where do I begin?
When approached about writing about "my story," I was humbled and excited about the opportunity. Then reality set in, and I realized that I am not comfortable being so "open" about my story. The truth is that I have spent the past 22 years living my life and rolling with the punches without much thought about how my trials, tribulations, and triumphs may help or inspire others. With that being said, here goes!
The beginning
How did I get to where I am today? It truly is overwhelming when I sit and think about this. How do I get this whole story down into a page or two?
How do I tell this story? Well, bear with me as I try to do my best with it all. I will summarize how I ended up where I am today while focusing on the "big" events in my life that altered my course.
Who am I?
What a question, "Who am I?". Do any of us truly know who we are? As our lives change and take form and move in different directions, ebbing and flowing, the answer to this question most likely changes. I am today very different from who I was yesterday, last year, ten years ago, etc.
Which version of myself am I today?
I am an uber Type A, perfectionist personality. I am a doer! I push myself. I also can be quite stubborn, and I feel this has kept me going despite the obstacles thrown in my path.
I am also a wife, daughter, friend, Ph.D., Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Advocate, Ally, and the list goes on.
I am a genuine and fair individual, and I do my best to help others.
How did I get here?
I started dating my husband 22 years ago. I was working toward my bachelor's when we met and was in a place where I did not know what I wanted to do. Once we had been dating a while, Aaron encouraged me to finish school and figure out what I wanted to do. After many years of changing my major and finally deciding on Psychology, I realized that more school was in my future.
But first, we got married!
Aaron and I were married in 2003, and I couldn't do much with a Psych degree. I started evaluating graduate programs. At the time, Aaron and I were being moved to California, so I had applications to UC Bakersfield for a Master's in Clinical Psychology and an application to UTPA for Communication Disorders on my desk at home. I understand these are two different routes, but please bear with me. Aaron and I ended up staying in Texas, and I applied to the Communication Disorders program at UTPA. I was admitted to the Communication Disorders program as a Special Student. This required 27 undergraduate coursework hours before starting the master's level coursework.
I completed all requirements and found myself working as a Medical Speech-Language Pathologist in local hospitals in the Rio Grande Valley.
I loved what I was doing, and the hospital's fast pace was a good fit for my uber Type A personality. I was busy running around all day, and I loved my patients and their families.
I need to back up here for a minute.
Before my official working in hospitals, I had undergone a hysterectomy a week after my 30th birthday due to severe fibroid tumors. This is relevant because this change in my life course led me to seek more education.
While all of my friends were having children, I was looking for a Ph.D. program!
I found the Ph.D. in Rehabilitative Counseling program at UTPA (now UTRGV).
I spoke with the program director and discovered rehabilitative counseling as the perfect marriage of my communication disorders education and my psychology background. I applied to the program and was admitted. However, I did need to take 27 hours of master's level coursework before starting my Ph. D. level coursework. Wait, I am beginning to see a trend here.
This is where things changed…
I loved my Ph.D. program! I was working at 2 area hospitals as a medical speech-language pathologist and taking full-time Ph.D. level coursework. I was one busy person, and my uber Type A personality was thriving… or so I thought.
Before I share this part of the story, I will give some background. I have had neurological things going on here and there since I was about 14 years old. I was a dancer (ballet, tap, jazz, pointe, lyrical, hip-hop, tumbling, etc.), so I always attributed any "odd" sensations as a result of not stretching, too much stretching, or an injury. I would have bouts of extreme fatigue that, again, were attributed to doing too much. In January of the second semester of my first year of Ph.D. level coursework, I contracted pertussis from a child I was working within one of the hospitals. I am asthmatic and was more susceptible to developing full-blown pertussis. I had never been so sick in my life! I was still taking 12 hours of Ph.D. level coursework and working when I could. Things continued on a downhill trajectory from this point on (health-wise). That March, our home was destroyed by a once in a 100 years storm. I was still recovering from pertussis, and then the next storm hit.
While all of this was going on, I realized I had had severe pain in my left eye for almost two months. Naturally, I thought nothing of it and just dealt with it. It is probably a good time to report that my trainer had noticed some severe visual deficits and had been complaining about my vision for about 18 months.
By the time I started complaining about the severe stabbing pain in my eye, my vision was getting worse, and my balance was affected. I worked out with my trainer on a Saturday morning and could not hold my balance to save my life! I looked and felt drunk and, by the time I got home, my left eye was drooping. I thought I was having a stroke!
The diagnosis…
I called my eye doctor right then, and by Wednesday, I was in the neurologist's office. I was hospitalized the following Monday (I was in the middle of finals and negotiated my report date for the hospital). I was diagnosed with Optic Neuritis and was hospitalized for five days on an IV Solu-Medrol drip. At this time, everyone thought this was an isolated incident. We would soon find out otherwise. One month after my hospitalization, I woke up (the day after my 35th birthday) and could not feel my right hand. I could not hold onto anything and realized that I had developed a tremor. This was unfortunate, as we were in Las Vegas celebrating my birthday with my parents and one of our closest friends. Things continued from there, and, by August, I agreed to a spinal tap (the final piece to the diagnostic puzzle).
The results came in - Multiple Sclerosis. We were in shock. I had watched my husband's best friend from law school go through his MS diagnosis and seen what a hard time he had had. I was terrified. Deep down, I knew exactly what was going on but did not want to admit it to myself.
We started seeing specialists and, after one horrible experience at the Cleveland Clinic, I found myself at UCSF with the incredible neurologist ever! My whole perspective and level of MS care shifted once I started seeing Dr. Liz Crabtree. I continued my Ph.D. coursework and modified my schedule. I started sitting fall semesters out so that I could focus on my health. This is where my health journey truly began.
My health journey…
I changed my diet/lifestyle. I was a gluten-free vegan and had completely given up alcohol! This was not the best fit for me, as I was on 5 IV steroid treatments that first year (2012). I was encouraged to modify my diet and work on the best fit for me. Here's the kicker… each MS-specific diet book is a different diet! How is someone supposed to follow one thing when there is so much contradictory information out there? I became my own advocate and started researching and trying different things for myself. I tried different diets, supplements, alternative therapies. You name it, and I have tried it. My MS is much more active than my doctors would like, but it is what it is.
I continue to work on finding the perfect balance for me. At this time, that balance is diet/lifestyle, a ton of supplements, getting out of the heat and into a temperate climate for a significant portion of the year, medical cannabis and CBD, yoga, massage, and mindfulness.
Where this has brought me…
After being set back almost two years as a result of the MS diagnosis, I graduated with my Ph.D. in Rehabilitative Counseling in December 2017. Now what??? I had spent so much time "working on" my Ph.D., that attaining it was anticlimactic. You work so hard on something for so long, despite severe setbacks and limitations that you are almost numb when you finally reach the finish line. After looking into different options with my newfound title, I stumbled onto Integrative Health Coaching. This was the perfect marriage of my education and my personal experience. Who is better equipped to help individuals with change than someone that has been (and continues to go) through so much themselves?
Where I am today…
I researched programs and applied to the Integrative Health Coaching program through Duke University's School of Integrative Medicine. I didn't tell anyone I applied; I just did it an crossed my fingers. I was accepted and took my first trip to Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina! I completed the foundation course through Duke University, then the Certification course, and the National Board Certifying Exam.
I am a National Board-Certified Integrative Health Coach trained by Duke University Integrative Medicine. Wow, that's a mouthful!
I work with individuals in making meaningful and lasting lifestyle changes by focusing on the whole person. I love what I do! I have finally found my calling and use for all of my education and personal experience. I work with an Integrative Medicine specialist, and I, myself, walk the walk.
I understand that I have glossed over the nitty-gritty details of my MS struggles. I feel this piece is intended more for how I got to where I am rather than my actual daily struggle.
MS is something I deal with.
It is with me all day, every day. My days are quite unpredictable as I may overdo it one day and have nothing in me the next. I live in a constant state of trying to maintain balance and do not always succeed.
This diagnosis has taught me a lesson in patience; however, I still struggle with my uber Type-A tendencies and am constantly reminding myself to slow down!
I am still working on what is best for me and am happy to sit down and discuss my MS journey in more detail if you would like to contact me. In a nutshell, I have had to make significant lifestyle changes and acknowledge my limitations. I have had to learn to say "NO" and put myself first. This is not always easy, and I (often) seem like I am unreliable.
Those closest to me know about my daily struggles, but even they do not see the whole of it. I am ME, and I do my best to continue to work toward helping others. I hope this sharing is able to help you
Sending each of you my best,
Danielle
Dr. Danielle D Fox, PhD, CRC, NBC-HWC is a National Board Certified Integrative Health Coach. Trained by Duke University’s School of Integrative Medicine. Dr. Fox is a PhD in Rehabilitative Counseling and is a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.
During her second year of PhD coursework, Dr. Fox was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). This diagnosis lead to Dr. Fox embarking on her own personal health and wellness journey. Dr. Fox's doctoral research assessed the role of Locus of Control and how that relates to Quality of Life among individuals with Multiple Sclerosis. Through her research, Dr. Fox found, that in most chronic conditions, individuals with an internal locus of control tend to fare better. What does this mean? This means that individuals that are more proactive and hold themselves accountable in their health tend to exhibit better clinical outcomes. In researching the MS population, Dr. Fox found that there is, in fact, a relationship between an internal locus of control and improved quality of life scores among individuals with MS. What does this mean for you? This means that Dr. Fox has the experience and tools to empower clients and facilitate meaningful and healthy lifestyle changes.
Through her own personal experience with Integrative Medicine, Dr. Fox found that by implementing lifestyle changes (in all areas of her life) she was able to better manage her chronic condition and improve her overall health and well being. This personal health and well being journey, combined with Dr. Fox's education and area of research, provides her with a different perspective and understanding of the importance and value of implementing lifestyle changes as well as the tools necessary to assist you on your journey.
You can connect with Danielle via her website
Essentials for Integrative Health , Facebook , or Instagram
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
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Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Laura Morsman-Churchill
The Courage to Become a Business Owner + Enjoy it
Hey there! My name is Laura Morsman-Churchill, I created Laura Morsman Photography, my destination editorial photography company -- in 2013 when I first moved to Austin by total accident after years of working as a manager for Anthropologie! I am originally from Kansas City live in Austin, Texas with my music teacher husband John, and our two pups, Mr. Hitchens and Muffy!
Being the 2nd oldest child of 6 in my family, (with the youngest two currently 10 years old) many of my clients ask me how I can keep my calm in the middle of the chaos of working with so many people, and I always refer back to the incredibly beautiful circus living in a big family does to a person. You just go with the flow ;)
One thing I was afraid of doing but did anyway was….
Definitely starting my own business, but up until it happened, I had no idea that it was what I wanted to be doing!! I never had dreams of being an entrepreneur or a business owner. I went to college to become a child psychologist and art therapist, and left my senior year after a traumatic life event two semesters away from graduating. I honestly had no goal to be a photographer, and no clear direction with a career path. When people started asking me if I would photograph their families (after they saw me photograph my own big family), I just never said no, and now I'm here! It was definitely/honestly was a case of "fake it till you make it".
Getting started felt…
Absolutely crazy. I had been so conditioned to working a 40+ hour week, managing a team, setting monetary sales goal, with a bi-monthly paycheck and health insurance. When it came to the point where I grew to have each of my weekends taken up by photo shoots, my husband was absolutely the one responsible for pushing me past my comfort zone and finally stepping down as manager, to a part time employee, and finally taking my leave after almost 5 years with a company I truly loved.
My business wouldn't exist without that terrifying leap and definitely wouldn't have happened if my husband hadn't had been there to push me off the ledge of self-doubt.
Obstacles I faced getting started…
Oh man. Where to start. When I first started my photography business, I don't want to say that I didn't have confidence, I feel like that was one thing I did have because I didn't intend to be a photographer at all! With that, if I ever did get a push back or even just a question from a potential client about my prices, ideas, location options, I shrank on the inside.
Learning how to stand by what I was offering was one of the hardest details for me but once I got it, and knew that what I was offering was valuable, that was such a great area of growth that shifted my entire business. Dividing my actual worth and my business has been an incredibly hard but extremely powerful journey for me.
I am motivated by…
My love for people motivates me to keep photographing them. Knowing the intricacy and quickness of life keeps my mind desiring to document it as much as I can.
The most pivotal moment in my life to date was my closest friend suddenly passing away when I was 18. I had taken a photo of him hours before he was killed, and realizing how important that moment caught in time was to me, I think of how people view their loved ones, and I want to capture every ounce of spirit in my clients lives that I can.
We aren't promised anything in life, but we get into grooves where it feels as if we will have all that is around us forever. I do my best to document this world through the eyes of loving it so much, and then I give that viewpoint back to my clients. I love it so so much.
The living person I admire most is…
Without a doubt, it's Ellen DeGeneres. Despite the adversity she found herself in at the very start of her career, she persevered through the doubt and absolute judgement people put up against her best efforts and showed the world how to love, smile, and laugh, even amidst people's small mindedness or life's pains. Look at that shining, loving light of a person now and how many lives she has changed. She was always Ellen, and she knew that 100% without anyone's acceptance. It just took the world years to realize how much she had to share.
I would most like to have the talent to…
I would love to have the opposite of stage fright when it comes to singing!! My mom was an opera singer, and taught me the craft! I absolutely love LOVE singing... and in a former or future life, that would be what I'd be doing! One of these days you'll find me on a stage or at an outdoor venue singing a tune or two ;)
My most marked characteristic is…
I have been told often that I am very tolerant/patient. That totally makes me laugh though! I definitely go back to the whole large family bit. You can't be impatient when 5 people need dinner, want to play outside, are missing a shoe, trying to ride the dog like a horse, or need their seat belt buckled!
A motto I try to live by is…
As simple as it is, it's "Live and let live". In our life we always seem to wait for others to accept the way/path/route we've chosen before we accept it as OK for ourselves. Especially in a world where our lives are encouraged to be documented in portfolio form through social media and shown to the entire world essentially awaiting their approval. You do you and I'll do me, and let's just love each other through understanding, or if there isn't that, through acceptance and respect.
Some things I am proud to have accomplished are…
Hmm... That's hard to have an answer to! For me, my biggest accomplishments in my mind were emotional rather than career focused. My high school and college years were my toughest and some I almost didn't make it through. Accepting the recovery path after almost losing my life to anorexia and deciding to live past the pain in losing friends at an early age to me were things I never thought I could endure. I am still in awe of being on this side of those seasons and am more thankful than ever to be able to relate and walk with those going through the same experiences.
Some hopes I have for my future are…
I don't really know! It takes a lot for me to stay in the present. I love where I am, and if I could do this forever, I would! I am so happy with where this hustle has gotten me, I love my life. At this point, I get to travel to see my family, experience my youngest siblings growing up, and things keep getting better. I would love to photograph families, wedding and fashion all around the world. And I'm doing that! My hope for the future would be continued opportunities and continual expansion of where my photography finds itself!
One piece of advice I would give women about to embark on this journey is…
I talk about this all the time when people are approaching photography as a business, a blog, anything. You can't go into it with others’ opinions or acceptances being your compass or scale of your value or success. You go into something like this accepting success or failure with the same open arms, and also realizing that this isn't your only skill, your only value, or your only purpose. Someone asked me on a podcast interview if I had a plan B, and if I did, then I wasn't a real photographer. My answer was that if I didn't have a plan B, then I was shortchanging myself on my own abilities, because I am so much more than a photographer and if I needed to, I would totally dive into anything else I love doing!
The second part to this is the most important to me -- It's loving others and embracing their success despite your own. Your business shouldn't adjust your heart towards others, and if anything, it should stretch it. As hard as it is, try to nix competition and embrace encouragement.
If you tend to compare, put yourself down, and lose your steam when you are watching other's success -- don't watch others. If you find yourself feeling like a failure when you see others on Instagram seemingly soaring with their pursuits and business, do yourself a favor and shut that app OFF!
You do you, no one else can take that uniqueness away from you! Soon enough you'll see that your own ideas and the way you approach, brand, document your work will have its own personality since it isn't being squelched or influenced by people walking their own unique paths!
Essay by: Laura Morsman-Churchil
I am honored to know Laura, she is a gem of a person. Right?! Can't you just feel her peace. I think it's so powerful.
Run don't walk to Laura! You'll be glad you did!!!! She's based in Austin, but travels the country! Maybe she'll stop in your neck of the woods next!!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
26.2
Originally published on 6-2-13
Late February my brother, Carlos, and I were at my Sis’ birthday party and he said, “Hey I’m running a marathon in May,” and after having a few vodka martinis I said, “I will too!”
Half of me wanted to tackle a challenge, something way beyond my reach, something that I knew would take a good chunk of commitment, and the other half of me wanted to support him (at this point Carlos had lost 100 pounds and had been challenging himself physically and mentally in different ways), a little solidarity if you will.
I was not in real shape; I was what I call ‘gym fit.’ My clothes fit and I felt good about the way I looked but I had zero endurance.
So I decided to get with it and of course, started by buying new clothes and supplies!
The running coach fitting me for sneakers asked, “How many miles can you run now without stopping?” “8 miles,” I quickly replied. 8 miles was a total and complete lie, I hadn’t run 8 miles since 2011! Now scared I asked, “Do you think I can do this?” He answered seriously, “Absolutely, but you can’t skip a day of training. Most people train over 6 months.” I only had 9 weeks. Uh oh.
I Googled, sought advice from the fittest people I knew, bought cool running gear, downloaded songs, but there was no magic formula, no magic pill. No one offered the number to their blood doping connection. I was out of luck. I’d have to go it alone. I decided to forge ahead and I started to chip away at it.
My first long run was 8 miles and every Saturday after that I upped the mileage by 2. I ran 8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and 18! At 18 I thought, “Woah.” As I ran up the driveway after mile 18 I thought, “Ok. Now this is a lot.” I gingerly lied on the floor and got lost in the wooden beam above until I could move again.
One week later I ran the big kahuna, 20. 20 was my best run. I left the house on my own, knowing there would be no jam bands or spectators along the way, knowing there would be no aid or water stations, no one handing me half bananas to keep me going. It was only my carefully chosen shoes, my favorite Pandora rap station, my Gatorade and my inner voice. You see, I have the same chatter box that you have. The chatter box that tells you whether you can or you can’t. While I did experience things happening on the exterior: corner store activity, blessing the homeless man I ran by, running through plumes of cigarette smoke, watching the city busses stop and go and stop and go, I did not allow myself to sink into my negative chatter box. If I had, I would have never laced up my shoes in the first place. Who runs 20 miles on there on a volunteer basis? As negative thoughts would float in my head I would coach myself through by saying, “Nope, not now, negative chatter box, you can try to come back later.” All of a sudden the negative rhetoric was gone and in the moment I knew I could do it, because I already was. I was already at mile 16, what was another 4 miles?
Soon we were 2 weeks out I came down with a virus and my Dr. said, “Hey I know how hard you’ve trained but I can’t guarantee you‘ll be able to run.” With some certain attitude I replied, “Give me the meds, not running is not an option.” I had worked out 5 days a week, rain or shine, sick or tired. Nothing got in the way. I ate the right foods, drank the right fluids, passed up a tasty alcoholic beverage on many occasion because I knew my body couldn’t withstand it. Some head cold was not going to stop me.
She ended up seeing me again a few days after the marathon because I had a little GI tract bleeding from running- whoops.
For 9 weeks Carlos and I trained separately but cheered each other on in our own way, watched each other’s progress. Finally, race day was upon us. We woke up even before the roosters crowed, threw on our best battle gear and headed for the starting line. When we stepped out of our toasty warm car and into the race zone, it was 46 degrees. Icy.
The marathon we signed up for was the definition of low key. I’m not sure the casual Saturday morning trail runners even knew there were races being run. Folks were running 10ks, half marathons, full marathons and 50ks. Carlos and I ran with no promise of glittered good luck signs, fanfare or fancy refueling stations. The statement, we ran the most boring marathon possible, is not far off.
I was packed down with energy chews, electrolytes; a water bottle, my iphone and my ipod shuffle just in case my phone decided it didn’t have enough juice to go the distance with me.
Throughout the run I observed nature, thought about a new hair style, thought about cool posts for Facebook once I had finished, but then like a Mom is proud of her child, I started feeling proud of myself, so I got teary eyed and had to stop thinking about Facebook posts. Onward. I sang along with Jay Z, Ja Rule, J Lo and 50 Cent. I’m clearly stuck in 2001. I thought about how crazy the people who put on the marathon were. Instead of offering us Gatorade and orange slices, they offered us Rootbeer and Oreos. With each lap the sun came out more and with each lap I peeled off layers of clothing. In the middle of the third lap I felt my face flush and my head heat up and I thought, “What’s going on here? Oh, I’m overheating. Whoopsie daises, better not let that happen.”
It warmed up to 65 degrees by the time we were on mile 24, when Carlos and I met up on the trail. We changed our individuals running paces and joined up, and decided to run the last few miles together. No winner, no loser, but together. Here we were, months and weeks and hours and hours of training later, together. Knowing there would be a camera we gave our best Hernandez smile and sprinted across, we probably looked a little more energetic than we actually were. We may have even had a little juice left for crossing the finish line at mile 26.2. We crossed, high fived, looked around for some fanfare, but there was none to be had, so we took a moment for ourselves, packed up and went home.
Carlos finished because he told himself he could. I finished because I told myself I could. There was no magic pill for either of us, no super-secret way to get through it, no back door way to get a marathon medal. All it took was a little courage.
Never underestimate the power of courage. It takes courage to set a goal and grind away at it.
You are capable of so much more than you give yourself allowance for. Don’t be afraid to reach just beyond your grasp. I believe in you.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Originally published on 2-21-13
A few weeks ago I joined a new fancy gym and thought there was no question I’d be in the top 10% of the fitness level. I mean, I practice yoga, I‘ve run races, cycled in races, run 10ks in my sleep, I’m a Tough Mudder for crying out loud! I got this! No problem!
So I looked over the class schedule and decided the first class I would take was Total Conditioning. I showed up to class, assessed the room and the people in the room and assumed my space in the front row.
It’s probably not a surprise that I spend most of my life in both the literal and hypothetical front row. I’ve always wanted to learn and inch forward and improve, even in something as trivial as gym class.
It was a noon class and I looked around at thought, “don’t these people work?” Then I thought, “alright Instructor Jodi, let’s see what you’ve got.” Kayne was blaring in the background and we were movin’ and grovin’. Side steps, pump those arms, add a hop, and keep it moving! 300 seconds into the warm up, I thought, “Oh shit, Jodi’s going to whoop me!” My heart rate was at 165 and my max is 195. Then after 10 minutes, the Jodi asked, “Are we ready to get started?” I thought, “Crap lady, if we haven’t started yet, I may collapse by the end of the class!” From what I could tell I was the least in shape of anyone in the room. It was nuts!
I was struggling, breathing deeply, face red as a beet, getting dizzy, seeing grey and maybe black. I looked like a buffoon, but I kept going. My arms and legs were flailing around, at one point I lost all control of the motion of my legs on each karate kick, I was just throwing my legs in the air willy-nilly. I walked out 60 minutes later a hot mess. It was the longest 60 minute gym class ever.
So a few days later, I went again, and posted up in the front row. My sheer determination to be better said “Do not wuss out, you’d better stay in the front row. Moving to the middle or back would be conceding defeat!” So again, I endured 60 minutes of heart pumping workout. It was murder, and I was real glad no one in the class knew me by name.
But something happened in this class, in the middle of lunges with weights on our shoulders, just when I thought my butt muscles were going to spontaneously combust because they burned so bad, the instructor yelled out, “GET COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT’S WHERE THE CHANGE HAPPENS! WHEN YOU WALK OUT OF HERE WILL YOU BE ABLE TO TELL YOURSELF THAT WAS THE BEST YOU COULD DO?” And a light went off in my head and I thought, “No I won’t, I know I have about 15% more to give.” Jodi continued yelling over Beyoncé lyrics, “You’re already here, you’re here for 60 minutes, and you may as well get the most out of it!” If I could have OOH-RAHed in the moment, I would have.
Over the next few days I couldn’t stop thinking, get comfortable being uncomfortable. I can do that. After all, any time something magical has happened it’s been in moments that are outside of my comfort zone. For me, life changing break throughs have been when I’ve summed up courage and guts and moxie and energy to say screw it….let’s do this.
Don’t be afraid of that. It won’t feel good every second of the way, but who cares, there’s always an end to the icky feeling and at the end of the icky feeling is pure “aaaahhhhh.”
It’s like driving through downpour and then seeing a rainbow, it’s like giving birth and then getting to hold your baby, it’s like being scared being scared to ask for a raise, doing it anyways and succeeding, it’s like going on a first date with a man who doesn’t respond your regular shtick –being forced to be yourself—and then figuring out he’s the love of your life (yesterday morning we talked about new houses and babies). It’s like forcing yourself to get up off the couch after you get home from work put your bra back on and go out and make friends when you move to a new city, then finding your kindred spirit.
It always take a little courage and you already have all the courage you need, there’s a land of joy out there, waiting for you to enjoy it.
You’re already on this earth; you may as well make the most of it. Are you giving the best you have to offer? On your last day, will you be able to say, I gave it all I had? It matters not that you’re the best in class, all that matters is that you are getting all that you can and all that you want out of your 60 minutes.