Courage to Become | Sonya Holmgaard
“Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING. ”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Sonya is one of them.
Enjoy Sonya’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about persistence and growing and enthusiasm!!! Please welcome, Sonya.
WAVE NUMBER 1
When I was a junior in high school, I met this very handsome man I immediately knew I would marry. 17 years this December. He struggled with a drug addiction that I was not aware of. I knew bits and pieces and would find things, but I was oblivious to what was going on for the most part. When I found out he would be spending 2 ½ years in a Federal Penitentiary, I was already months along with our first child. I watched him get sentenced wearing shackles and chains around his hands and feet while trying to hold myself emotionally together, not only for myself but also to keep my stress levels down and for my unborn baby's well-being.
I didn't know how strong I was then until years later. I worked two jobs and made the trip to Yankton, South Dakota, to visit him almost every weekend with my husband's grandparents or mother. I had very few friends and kept myself busy getting ready for the baby, worked, and prayed a lot. Our first child was born, and I was allowed to make a phone call to the prison to report our first baby girl's news. The hospital refused to let me put her father's name on the birth certificate for my daughter. Instead, they put dashes where his name should have been. From the beginning, even though the struggle I knew I would face, I never had any intentions to leave my husband because I knew we were to be together forever, no matter what. I knew he was my soul mate and his struggle in life was no reason to abandon him. I loved him and wasn't going anywhere.
Shortly after his sentence and before our first child, we were married privately in a small jail before being transferred to federal prison. We said I do behind glass while a local priest who was against our marriage announced our union. I cried as I messed up one of the lines the priest prompted me to say, and he scoffed at me. When I say he was against, I mean he was against it and treated us like it. Regardless, we were married, and I was in it till death do us part. I was prepared. No matter what anybody said, and they did say a lot. Others wanted me to leave him and have a "real life."
Eventually, I was allowed to bring our baby girl to the prison so her dad could see her for the first time. This was before he was transferred, so it was only an hour from where I live. I proudly held her up to the glass window for daddy to see his perfect little lady. She showed off her crooked pinkies just like his and her nose that was just like mine. That was tough. That was a sad day but also a happy day because we both loved her so much. Years later, I visited Alcatraz prison in California and had a mini-breakdown seeing the visiting area where families would visit through glass windows and use a phone to talk to each other. They probably held up their hands, and that's how they "held hands" between an inch and a half of Plexiglas. Seeing that Visitor area was challenging for me. And even harder, I knew my husband would not be able to hold his daughter. Tough. Very tough. Hard. VERY HARD.
Years later, I came back to this very prison to visit a cousin who was in trouble for drugs. My cousin boasted to his counselor about how my husband made it out and has a good life and that he knew there was a way to have another chance. The same room with the same glass window where I brought my daughter as a baby to see her daddy through the glass was in the background. Visitor room number 5. I noticed it when we walked in and pushed the feelings aside and later sat with the feelings as we drove home. It wasn't so hard this time. This time I let the feelings come. I dealt with them and thanked God for my daughter growing up into a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent woman that will not be stopped by any history our family has in the past.
The day we got to go pick up my husband, there was a party going on in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. He had worked hard and studied and learned to weld and was ready to come home. He did all the things he was supposed to do and more. In the Bible, he found himself in good people in finding a skill that he knew he could apply at a good job when he got home. By the grace of God, he had a family member there that had already almost served years of his life for drugs as well and had made a HUGE shift and change in his life to do better, and he took my husband under his wing and helped him find the way down the right path. When we all walked out of the prison doors, he kept looking behind him. It was a strange feeling for him to walk out those doors. Things were new and different, and things had changed in the big world.
AND BAM! I was pregnant, just like that with our second child. We had a small marriage ceremony that September, and I was six months pregnant in David's bridal red and white dress tailored for my swollen pregnant belly. Life was good. Years went by, and we fought a lot and made up a lot, and our marriage was tested. But as we got older, we grew more and more in love and understanding of each other. Luckily my daughter was young enough she doesn't remember, and by the time we had our second child, my husband was HOME; I'm thankful for that. WE MADE IT, and we are all right.
WAVE NUMBER 2
WAVE number 2 was coming, and I had no idea. A TSUNAMI. With no warning. And here it is. I'm just going to come out with it. My nephew was shaken by his father so severely that he almost died. He is now blind, unable to walk, unable to talk, never run, will never see, and will never have all the chances that many other kids get. We spent countless nights in a tiny family waiting room and slept in chairs and couches made out of cement, I swear. It was my job every day to wake up and make sure my sister ate so she could keep going. We were allowed to see my nephew but only with CPS breathing down our necks while they investigated. CPS took my sister alone into a room and interrogated her without my knowledge until I found out where she was and ever so kindly burst in to sit with her and hold her hand, so she wasn't alone. At the time, I didn't know how strong I was. I went through the movements to protect my sister, and even though my body went through the motions, I wasn't there; I was in another world trying to scramble and pick up the pieces from this giant confetti bomb the size of the world that just went off.
I was placed with temporary custody of my other nephew as none of the children were no longer allowed to be in my sister's care until things were straightened out. AND THE PART I COULDN'T LIVE WITH FOR A LONG TIME…I was asked to take my baby nephew, who was shaken home after they released him, and I SAID NO. I SAID NO because I had my own two kids, at the time 2-year-old nephew I had just taken custody of (and I was upfront about my husband's past…Luckily DHS let me have my nephew). I had planned on taking on my sister's other two children that were older. Eventually, their dad fought me over and ended up getting for a while. So I was planning on raising my two-year-old nephew, my own two kids, and my sister's older two kids for as long as I needed to. 5 KIDS! At the time, I didn't know it, but I took on only what I could handle. My nephew, who was shaken, was placed with my other sister, who happened to be a foster parent. I let him go there because I didn't think I would be able to take care of all the kids and get my hurt nephew to where he needed to be for hospital surgeries and care. It was going to be a long, long haul for him. I didn't think I had it in me to be strong enough to carry all that battle. I felt I could handle only so much.
About a year and a half goes by, and I am BEATING MYSELF UP EVERY DAY for not taking my nephew, who was hurt. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. DESTROYED. FELT WORTHLESS. WHAT KIND OF AN AUNT WAS I? Like how could I take on the other kids and not my poor helpless baby nephew who needed me? DEPRESSION BIG TIME. LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. DONE. WAS A WASTE OF SPACE. I WISHED IT WERE ME AND NOT MY BABY NEPHEW. I would have done ANYTHING TO TAKE HIS SPOT. So he could have a chance. So he could have a LIFE.
BUT…..
I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF THAT DARK PLACE.
I kept pouring myself into my sister's kids and my own. EVERY WAKING second was ABOUT THEM. They were well-loved and taken care of and still are.
Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING.
When my nephew was released with my other sister who took him, there were many months of grueling court battles and even a court hearing for a chance for the father of my nephew, who I had custody of to fight for him….he didn't….I was CRUSHED for him. That was a punch in the gut. I wouldn't have given him up anyway, but it was hard to hear he was done with this beautiful little Hawaiian tanned baby boy that has a smile bigger than the sun. I continued my workout journey and even got my nephew up at 5 am with me as a workout buddy and got him his milk and blanky while he laid and watched cartoons before I took him to daycare.
At the time, I Didn't know HOW STRONG I WAS.
Years later, I FORGAVE MYSELF.
FOR NOT TAKING MY HURT NEPHEW. I took YEARS to let it go. YEARS.
I went to the gulf shores, woke up before the sunrise. And that day, I decided it was time. I ran 3 miles. Then watched the sun come up, then laid in the saltwater, went under…
AND LET IT GO. I forgave myself and let it go to GOD. He took all my weight and my burden of NOT BEING ENOUGH. Up into the sky went my unanswered questions. I know now that I will never know things. Like why adults hurt small children. Why things happen that break your heart into a million pieces. Why you try to protect your loved ones, but sometimes you just can't. I let these questions GO.
And without taking any time or any love away from my children and my sister's children and my family. I poured into myself. I finally felt myself becoming stronger. Not only mentally or physically with my health journey but spiritually. I felt closer to God, and I felt my purpose. I found myself, and even though I didn't know it through all of these hardships, I WAS strong, and I was ENOUGH. I was doing everything I could and more.
Then we had to put our beloved dog Zombie down because she was sick with cancer and could no longer control her bladder. This ROCKED our family. DEVASTATED our kids. She was their best friend, and it was tough for them and all of us.
Then we lost my father in law and it was brutal on my husband and my kids, then we lost my stepfather, which I took very hard, then six months later, my biological mother got breast cancer and had to have a breast removed. There wasn't much time to recover in between blows or, as I like to call them ….waves. Our world was ROCKED, and our boat was tipping. Our boat was tipping A LOT.
AND
Speaking of waves….
WAVE NUMBER 3
Which are currently becoming whitecaps out in the stormy sea as we speak and getting ready to rock my white sandy beaches.
We have a family member who is currently missing and without getting into too much detail because I feel it would be unfair to the rest of this family at this time…we believe there was foul play involved. We are all dangling at the biggest edge of the biggest cliff, right now as we speak. We don't entirely know what is coming our way, but we have an idea, and we WILL UNITE, and WE WILL persevere, and WE WILL hold hands and come together and be gentle with each other and do whatever it is we have to do. And I believe I am strong enough to help my family through this wave. We pray still it won't turn out badly, and we are holding on by that little tiny thread of light just to get us through. But even so. I know there is always going to be a light. A big bright one with the Lord in the middle, and I believe we will be ok.
I've had three flat tires in a month, one car in the shop twice to be repaired, and my brand new 20,000 camper just flooded. I have two teenaged children…one that likes to push limits and scare the holy bejesus out of me in the middle of the night and test all the waters… and just literally called me to tell me her battery is dead…yes, that's the car that has been in the shop twice. Oh yeah, and there is also a worldwide pandemic and riots going on. But I still get up every single day, flip on my camera, say hi to the world, and do what I love doing. Helping others find that CLICK, that LIGHTBULB, that FIRE in the pit of their stomachs to change and put the work in - better themselves. I laugh a little each time I get phone calls now when it's about flat tires and car repairs, and my daughter needs a ride from 2 towns away on a Sunday night, and it's 8 pm. I laugh because these are small things that used to piss me off. But now I see them as easy small little ripple waves.
There will be more BIG waves, and there will be smaller ripple waves. And I won't be ready. I will be stronger this time around, and even if I have to drop to my knees again and again. I will get up, and I will be ok. There have been other waves before these, but I feel that those waters have calmed and smoothed out, but that doesn't mean I still don't carry the scars. I've just steadied my boat.
Now I will never treat myself with unkind words. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with hard things, I talk to myself and say… You're all right…you are all right… you're ok…. until I center. I will always put myself first to be the best possible me for my family and GOD. I no longer think of parts of my life as a nightmare but rather a season of growing and learning. I thank God for the years my husband had to grow and become a stronger father and person…without those years locked away, this could be a different story. I praise God my children were so young that they don't remember things that might have crushed them. And I believe wholeheartedly one hundred percent that people change. I believe most people are good. I believe in families sticking together; I believe that you have it in you to get through some very tough waves and battles in life, just like my family and I did and are doing still. I believe that you are tougher than you think. I believe God made us all strong. I believe change can be beautiful. If you look at things in a different light, you will see the sun where shadows once were. I also believe you need the dark, and that is a part of life. I believe that I am 36 years old, and my story is far from over. I believe in between these waves; we have the best of memories as well….kayaking, long sunny days at the lake grilling food and swimming, 16th birthdays, learners permits, family get-togethers for nieces and nephews…the ones at my sisters are the best!...new jobs, working together as a family on the house remodel, bike rides, watching sunsets on the front porch, and just waking up every single day and having each other. And I believe that no matter what, I'll always be ok. And so will you.
-"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."-JON KABAT-ZINN
Wave #4…to be continued…
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
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Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Shani Montique-Ahmad
In the Beginning
I met my husband watching a live band in the garage of some condo in East Austin, years ago. I was completely over being in a relationship and almost didn’t attend the event that changed my life. I hate to say that the cliché is true, but when you’re not looking for your life partner your match will find you. That night it was all about me having a good time with friends and then he showed up. After a double date eating some really hot Thai food at Madam Ma’am’s with runny noses, we found it difficult to not be together. Soon thereafter, he discovered that band-life wasn’t for him and I realized that working retail and weekends was not my calling. We eventually wised-up, got a game plan that would bond us forever, and executed.
When we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, I wouldn’t have dared to compare our union to a race to the finish line. We met when I was 27 years old, nearly 28, and my husband was 31. We got married three years later. Before we said, “I do”, we tackled through all the hard topics like lifestyle, religion, politics, business, and child rearing, which I’m sure extended our courtship. For us, raising a child is one of the most important duties a person will ever have in their lifetime so settling any differences was crucial. As equipped as we thought we were in our efforts to avoid marital complications, we were ill-prepared for the emotional roller coaster of infertility.
Twenty Minutes After
Excitement was the feeling we both felt when, in the Fall of 2013, I became pregnant.
We broke all the rules of keeping our mouths shut and soon told all our close friends and family. I knew that I had fibroids, but a few of my aunts and cousins on both sides of the family did too and, with some complications, were able to bear children. Naturally, I was very prepared for a few bumps in the road until I gave birth. My OBGYN monitored me very closely. The fibroids had grown quickly and feasted on the boost of estrogen in my body. I began to notice a large bulge gradually protruding near my right hip. Towards the end of my first trimester, I was ordered to go on bed rest for a few days. On a Sunday, I was released to start work the coming Monday and I was relieved that possibly the worst was behind me. Twenty minutes after my husband left for work I became VERY scared. My body started experiencing the excruciatingly painful process of miscarriage.
I instinctively wanted to be prepared for the worst. I researched all the symptoms of suffering miscarriage while on bed rest, not expecting that I would soon live the tragedy. The pain was sharp like a knife to the lower abdomen, which forced me to immediately fold forward. I started symptomatically sweating and could hardly speak when I called 911 to rescue me. I managed to get an ambulance and very slowly inched to the front door doubled over in agonizing pain to avoid the paramedics breaking my window or door; left the door wide open and went to lay down.
The long morning ride to the hospital regarding fertility issues was not going to be my last. As much as I dislike taking medication, I begged the paramedic in a forced whisper for “more drugs” to take the pain away. Terminology like Dilation and Curettage (D&C) and Laparoscopic Myomectomy soon became very familiar. In the last four years, I have had three of each surgery. My fourth and most recent pregnancy in January of 2018 following the In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) procedure was a short-lived celebration that lasted only six days. I was diagnosed with a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy and given methotrexate twice to terminate the stubborn pregnancy. I had side effects of acute uterine pain and blood loss. After all the nausea, the medication, the needles, the weight gain, the constant blood withdrawals for lab testing, the hormones, and the surgeries… I was exhausted.
Surviving Through Purpose
It’s uplifting when you can find happiness even when you’re going through the most trying times.
My husband and I own and operate the Franklin Music Academy, a private business, in Austin teaching mostly children music lessons at our home studio and this has been the anchor in our relationship. After the newness of marriage is over and all you’re left with is each other, I guess it’s easy for people to get wrapped up in child rearing, a career, or some hobby, but for us it’s our business that forces us to communicate and work out our problems. The irony to dedicate our lives in educating other people’s children and not have our own is mind-blowing. In hindsight, I have realized that finding purpose through the business has been my strength and lifeline. Almost 5 years of infertility and upset has only been bearable knowing that I am contributing to my husband’s happiness teaching music and creating an environment that nurtures child development.
During our journey to expand our family, it was difficult to see parents with their kids at our house, but surprisingly our clients helped us cope. They were a nice distraction that kept us very busy. As I grew more comfortable sharing my infertility story outside of friends and family, I discovered that we were not alone. Due to the complications that IVF brought, we decided that this would no longer be a viable option as we needed to ensure our frozen embryos would still be able to bring us a family. Amazingly, one of our clients came forward and offered to be our compassionate gestational surrogate.
The feeling was undeniably magical when our client announced to be our carrier. We felt like we had hit the lottery especially considering the fact that our thoughtful client did not want to be compensated outside of paying for her medical bills. We made all the proper arrangements with our fertility clinic and waived her fees for music lessons for her kids. Unfortunately, after 2 months of preparation, we were told that our client was not a good fit for surrogacy.
Determined to Keep Going
It was hard to let go of the lady that thought so highly of us. It takes a special person to take on the great responsibility of surrogacy. Surrogacy is a self-less act that requires a strong mind and a heart as big as Texas. To assist in bringing a child into someone else’s family is a sacrifice of time and energy and we will be forever grateful to the next person that selects us as the intended parents. We still believe the best method to minimize the risk of miscarriage is to have a gestational surrogate and, this time, we are going through a surrogacy agency to find a carrier.
Choosing this route shouldn’t indicate that I have given up on wanting to have kids naturally one day. Nowadays, I have been diligently working on healing myself from the inside out through food, which is the best medicine. Agreeing to do IVF is a very involved self-sacrificial process that tests your sanity, your relationship, and your financial nest egg. The hormones make you testy and moody, seclusive, and have side-effects that can make you more prone to illnesses, including cancer. I am not suggesting that IVF shouldn’t be considered as an alternative to having children, but people should be aware that this procedure is very taxing. Now that I am off all the medications, I can focus on diet and exercise and doing the things that make me happy.
It may sound odd to continue our journey considering our history, but why should we give up? After you have afforded all the things you want and lived your life doing and seeing everything you desire, what then? When you’re old and gray and lying flat on your back, all of those things won’t matter. You’ll be too weak to enjoy them anyway. A child is a gift that keeps giving when their bright smiling face comes to visit you until your last breath.
My husband and I planned our life to marry, enjoy each other, and a few years later start a family. We started a business, bought a house, paid off our debts, and grew our emergency funds to support our baby. All the required ingredients of stability, love, and a two-parent household fostering fun and education has been properly laid out. Our dream of expanding our family will not expire until we have our baby by hook or by crook and we are eager to one day enjoy a family with children to love and nurture.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Takisha Shelby
My name is Takisha Shelby, I was born and raised in Lubbock, Texas. The Lord blessed me to see 41 years this past 3rd of February. I'm very thankful for that.
Looking back over my life, I can see how the Lord has played a role in it the whole time. I have been through a lot my 41years living on this earth, but I give all the glory to none other than that man above my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
My story of becoming begins about 15 years ago, I was about 26 years old working two jobs. My full-time job at Lubbock Independent School District as a Special Education Teaching Assistant and my part-time job as a Food service worker. I was no stranger to hard work back then and still not to this day.
It was the weekend after working my full-time job I was at my part-time job. I had been dealing with a headache the whole day I thought it was a sinus headache. I had also gotten suspended the rest of the weekend from my part-time job because of some attitude issues I was having.
Only to find out it was all due to what was going on with me physically and medically.
I was supposed to go out that night but didn't due to my headache. I ate me something, thinking that would help but it didn't so I took me some allergy medicine, decided against going out and went to bed. I was awakened in the early morning hours by a bad headache. My head was hurting me so bad to the point I was crying.
The guy I was seeing at the time told my mom he was going to take me to the hospital, which he did. At the hospital, after running some tests and waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the doctors came out and told us what was going on.
By this time my mom had come up there, the doctors had told us that I had a tumor on my brain, in fact; I have several tumors on my brain(looking like little snowflakes all over my brain) but the one they were worried about was the one which was blocking the plumbing and was causing me to have the headache.
The doctor said that it was unusual because it had fluid around it, they would have to admit me into the hospital, go in and put tubes in my head to drain the fluid from my brain before they would be able to do the actual brain surgery to remove the actual tumor causing the problem.
So now, I'm about to be admitted into the hospital because the situation is serious.
They put the tubes in my head so that the fluid could be drained off my brain. A few days later they did the actual brain surgery. The surgery was supposed to take about 17 hours but ended up taking about 11 hours, but God.
Thinking back to that time, I know that the Lord was with me, because after the surgery I was able to see my mama for a few minutes and once I saw her although they had given me medication to sedate me I knew she was there and I was pretty much aware of everything going on around me.
I remember her telling me that she couldn't stay long, and she would see me later.
When she told me that I wasn't trying to let her go, they ended up asking her to leave so I could get some rest, giving me more medication so I could get me some rest.
About a week and a half later, I was out of the hospital on my way to recovery.
I can honestly say that if it wasn't for God bringing through that situation I wouldn't be here right to this day. I feel this more so now at this point in my life than I ever did before. It was by God's grace and mercy that I didn't have to have any therapy only a little speech therapy.
After the surgery because the area where it had occurred was affected, I wasn't able to form complete thoughts; leading us up to that point. After all that had taken place, look at God! Until now I never in a million years would have thought I would be where I am.
This was the beginning of my spiritual journey. I thank God daily that He has blessed me to see another day up to this point. I have always stood on His Word, in Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, which is my motto; and the basis of my faith.
It took me a while to move on after the surgery, thanks be to God!
It was only the summer that I was out of work, I was able to return to work at Lubbock Independent School District after that. Praise God!
If there was any advice I had to give to anyone going through this or someone who have gone through anything like this, it would be to hold on to your faith. Pray, pray, and if it still feels hopeless pray some more.
If there is one thing that I have learned throughout this whole experience it is this: Prayer changes things. I know that, without any doubt in my mind.
Just as I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me your readers too can do all things through Christ who strengthens them.
Essay by: Takisha Shelby
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Newsletter
The Courage to Become | Frances Saldivar-Morales
Sisters, you never know what kind of impact you are having. Keep doing good work, being kind, staying steady. We don't have to preach, or gather a following or have a fancy business to make a difference. Do what your heart calls you to do, and do it well. That is plenty. The universe will do the rest.
Tonight, I want to share a letter with you. This landed in my inbox in March and I've been waiting to share it with you - to shine a light on Frances ( tonight's author) and also to remind you that you matter and YOU DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
When I wrote The Courage to Become, I had no idea who I would impact, seriously. But the more days go by, the more I realize my experience and my sharing and truth have impacted women and families that I never would have imagined.
Enjoy Frances' story. It's one of challenge and courage, grace and triumph.
---
Catia,
It truly was a pleasure meeting you at the book signing on Saturday. I didn’t expect to be overcome with so many emotions when we spoke, but I appreciate your kind words, warmth, patience and suggestion to email you. This gives me an opportunity to share how your book made a difference in my life—almost breaking down in tears aside.
I graduated from WHS in 2002, and although we never crossed words, I recall you being an upperclassman and drum major when I was a pacesetter. I immediately recognized your face about a year ago while scrolling through Facebook. Being from the same small town, we have several mutual friends on social media and one of them must have shared your page re: Confidence Revolution. Faith and positive/inspirational/motivational content have been my guiding light and driving force through tough times.
“Outgoing,” a word no one would have used to describe me! Growing up, I had a few close friends, and standing out would have been mortifying. I just wanted to study and earn good grades to go to college and earn a degree—all of which I did, not standing out. In 2007, at the age of 23, I had a Master of Science in Communication Sciences and Disorders and began a career as a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) in my home town. I accomplished a lot, and before I knew it, I had a career that paid well enough to live a comfortable life and help my parents. As a first generation Mexican-American, my drive stemmed from my parents’ hope that their children would get an education greater than what they had the opportunity to accomplish.
From 2010-2013, I experienced symptoms that my doctors could not put their finger on: shortness of breath, significant fatigue, a dry cough that just wouldn’t go away, and eventually, I began spitting up traces of blood when I coughed. During that time, I underwent multiple chest x-rays, allergy tests, TB tests, took allergy medications and used inhalers to no avail. In the fall of 2013, my now husband and I experienced a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks along when it happened. I know they say you experience shortness of breath during pregnancy, but it usually occurs much later in the process. During those 7 weeks, I felt my shortness of breath intensify. Working as a pediatric SLP, depending on my patients’ abilities, I’d plop on the floor with them, jump around, or carry them from one location to the next if they were infants. I couldn’t understand why I needed to catch my breath so often, even when talking—because, hello, that’s my bread and butter as an SLP—so early in the pregnancy.
If we were going to try to get pregnant again, we needed answers about my lungs. My family doctor decided to send me to a pulmonologist to get a high-resolution CT of the chest. One week before Christmas, on December 18, 2013, we got the answer: Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM). I felt overwhelmed with emotions: shocked, sad, scared, and RELIEF—I finally had an answer! I was 29 years of age.
Is it my true belief that God had other plans for me. I always had that tunnel vision—work hard, earn a degree, make a difference in children’s lives, work, work, work. My career was MY THING; I worked my butt off to get there! In 2014, my LAM diagnosis progressed from a ‘mild’ to a ‘moderate-severe’ stage. I experienced 2 back-to-back right-lung collapses, invasive lung surgery, chest tubes, was on supplemental oxygen 24/7, began taking the only medication that could potentially slow LAM progression, and began consulting with Houston Methodist Lung Transplant Center. I had to leave my profession--MY THING. I have undergone much emotional and physical pain, but through this, I have learned to push my limits and to "stand out" for a reason. I have further explored the things I never thought I could do. I’m not completely there in terms of putting myself out there, but I AM evolving. I think it was God’s way of saying that there is SO MUCH MORE out there. It’s unfortunate that sometimes, the only way we step back to REALLY appreciate life is when we go through life-changing experiences. You know how they say, “What advice would you give to your younger self?” I think a more gratifying way is to SHARE your experiences with others before they ever go through any negative experiences in hopes that they will grip to something in your story and use it as a life lesson.
In “The Courage to Become,” you talked about leaving your career, making less money, and feeling less powerful and scared. I completely related with that. Before leaving my profession, I earned more than my husband and not once did it ever make me feel “more than” him. In fact, I felt we were equal. We both had a career in the healthcare field—we met at work—and I never had to ask him for money, nor did he to me. I took pride in being able to pay MY car, MY student loans, etc. on my own. It took an emotional toll on me and much, much time for me to come to terms with the fact that WE are a partnership. No matter what the situation, we will have each other’s back. I too feel blessed with “the one” I chose and that he chose me too.
LAM took a lot from me, but it has also opened so many doors. I have found other passions, including yoga, reading, considering adoption, and being an active advocate for myself and others living with LAM. Since diagnosis, family and friends have helped me host two LAM Awareness 5K’s in the RGV, and all proceeds went to The LAM Foundation to help fund research for a CURE. I had the opportunity to speak to a large room of LAM patients, family/friends, researchers and clinicians about my LAM diagnosis and hope for a cure at a LAMpoisum conference. I became a LAM co-liaison for my region and am a source of support for newly diagnosed patients and all those living with LAM in my region. My co-liaison and I host annual regional meetings for patients, family/friends and the medical community. I make it a point to speak to others about LAM because it truly takes a village to make this rare disease known—which is why I shared the LAM pamphlet with you. The more people that are aware, the more likely we are to find undiagnosed women to share hope with. I also take part in LAM research at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in hopes of finding other treatment options and a cure in the near future.
In Chicago as I shared my LAM story with patients/family/friends, clinicians, and researchers.
Approved by and Photo Credit goes to Kelsey Adams: K- Adams Foto Photography taken at LAMposium
Many have complemented me on my positive outlook despite the circumstances. The reality is, we all have it in us, we just have to choose. Sometimes, we’re just blind to all that is in us because we get so caught up in our lives. You and other writers/speakers continue to motivate me to LOVE and LIVE intentionally. After reading your book, although we never met, I felt like I knew you, and you were that friend that you can speak so openly to—hence why I practically wrote my life story in this email—oops! Your genuine, raw accounts of experiences encourage others to stay motivated. The way you spoke about sisterhood has a deep-rooted connection in my heart, because that’s what LAM women call each other, "LAM sister.” A sister is someone you love dearly and want the best for; you have a connection, a bond. I could feel the love your poured into this book, and the guidance and inspiration you wanted to impart on those reading it! Thank you for the prayer at the end of the book. May you truly know your life had a ripple effect on mine.
Best regards,
Frances Saldivar-Morales
To find out more about LAM you find them here, on their home page and on Facebook.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Naya Weber
My family and I have been living in the Austin area for about three years, after moving from our home of eight years just outside of Fort Worth. My husband found his dream job, which required us to leave our friends and move down I-35. The timing of the move couldn’t have come at a worse time: I was only 3 months postpartum after having our second son. At a time when I needed my village the most, I ended up a few hundred miles away.
While I did know people in Austin (a grand total of 4 people in the whole area), navigating a new city with a toddler and an infant was daunting. Because I had no idea where anything was and traffic scared the living daylights out of me, and we ended up staying home a lot. I kept the kids entertained with crafts, books, and watching more TV than I care to mention. However, I felt like a prisoner inside our apartment. What I didn’t realize was that I was developing a case of postpartum anxiety and depression.
We moved to a rental home in south Austin a few months later. I was grateful to have my own space for a while, a backyard to play in, and parks nearby. Despite the relief, my temper was out of control. My husband has always been a good gauge for my behavior and he gently let me know that I needed some help. He felt like he was walking on eggshells around me. I finally sought out a therapist and started meeting her weekly to get through this. After the first visit, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me and I wished I had found her ages ago.
Part of her care plan for me was to get out of the house and meet people, specifically other moms. She also helped me frame the recent life changes in a different way – I was getting a fresh start in a new city.
I took the opportunity to pursue something I was passionate about while living in Fort Worth: I went back to school to finish education in order to become a lactation consultant. Supporting breastfeeding families was something I was very passionate about and did on the side prior to our move. Getting back to that part of me helped me so much.
I also met a number of wonderful women through a stroller-based fitness program. Being around other mothers felt great. They couldn’t have been kinder or more welcoming. Before long, I was one of the gang and had a good group of friends I saw several times a week. We’ve attended each other’s kids’ birthday parties and dropped off food after a new baby or illness, and more.
Fast forward to present day: I’ve completed all of the prerequisites to sit for the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) exam, and rocked the test this past October!!!
The moms I met are still very much a part of my life, and we see each other at least once a month to catch up. I did run into several obstacles while going back to school, namely childcare. Not having old friends or family around made it challenging, but my mama village came through in the form of meals, childcare, and sharing their babysitters. Any mother will tell you that a good and reliable babysitter is worth her weight in gold!
More than anything, I’m grateful to feel more like myself than I have in years. I feel settled and like I have a purpose. I’m not who I was prior to the move, I’m a new and improved version of myself that is somehow still the same person I have always been.
Another layer has been added on to a solid foundation. Something that helped me through the difficult time was that it was okay to let my guard down and ask for help. Whether it was for my mental health or someone to watch my kids for an hour so I can get groceries, it is okay to reach out to others for assistance. It is okay to be vulnerable.
I love Naya's ability to keep it real. The more we surround ourselves with authentic women - the easier it us for us to be our true selves! Keep up with Naya here!
Naya Weber, CLEC
@ohheynaya (Instagram)
@ohheynaya (Twitter)
Sincerely Sarah Photography
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Carrie Maddux
Becoming A Mom
I always wanted to be a mom. I have often said that I felt my calling in life was to be a mom. I did not know how else to explain it.
In 2012, we welcomed our first baby girl. Although words couldn't describe my happiness, I was also plagued with postpartum blues, exhaustion, and adjusting to our new normal. Seriously, where are the parenting classes that teach you real life scenarios?
Once I settled into my new role as a stay at home mom, I realized it can be a bit isolating. There I was with everything I could possibly want. It was perfect on paper. Stay at home mom, loving husband, a healthy & beautiful newborn, but I felt alone on most days. So, I began to search for ways to get involved and have adult interaction.
Becoming an Austin Moms Blog Contributor
I quickly became a huge fan of Austin Moms Blog and followed their blogs from day one. I admired those women for being raw and sharing their real life mom moments. I noticed an open contributor call on Facebook one day and decided to apply for it. I always found writing to be very cathartic and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do something for myself. Fortunately, they invited me to be a contributor and I had no clue how it would impact my life. Writing gave me a purpose and I quickly gained a new “village” of women to call my friends.We welcomed our second baby girl in 2014 and I did not experience any of the postpartum blues or isolation like I did the first time. Having a purpose and a village truly makes a difference!
Becoming My Stronger Self
In early 2016, my husband went through a transition with his job and it pushed us close to rock bottom. I can say with every ounce of my being that our love for one another is unbreakable after going through that obstacle together. We both admitted that going through a tough transition and losing your main source of income can create a lot of stress on a marriage and your family unit. Money doesn’t make you happy, but it definitely makes life easier. We learned to lean on each other and our faith.
Even when times get tough, you still have to show up and be a parent. You still have to pretend like everything is okay because my two and four year old need me. Life lessons have a way of knocking you to your knees and allowing you to stand up stronger than ever before. I did not let many people know about our situation. I am the usual smile and say everything is good type person; however, I remained sane thanks to my village.
See the common theme here?
My friends will tell you that I kept begging for a sign. I needed God to plant that sign in my front yard in big bold letters. “Let Go and Let God” was my motto. In June 2016, we relocated to Oklahoma for a job opportunity. I cried many nights about losing my village and starting over again. It wasn't just my husband and myself starting over. We now had two young girls that were going through this with us, however; it was the “sign” and fresh start we prayed over. We survived a big move with two toddlers and settled into our new home.
Like I mentioned above, I always said my calling had something to do with being a mom, but I did not know why. I began searching for a local blog similar to Austin Moms Blog, but could not find anything.
I so desperately wanted to find a resource in our new city, but kept coming up short. That is when I decided to purchase and start Tulsa Moms Blog. I have been known to be impulsive at times, but this was taking a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Writing behind a computer is one thing, but owning my OWN business? It was exhilarating and nerve racking at the same time.
Starting Tulsa Moms Blog allowed me to connect moms on and offline in our community and provide a positive resource for moms in all stages of life. I was getting ready to launch the blog and we got some bad news about my husband’s new job. Yes, we relocated our entire family for this job. I’ll spare you all of the details, but Tulsa turned into one big disaster. We lost our main source of income AGAIN, we made an investment into my new venture, and barely moved into our new home. We decided we had nothing to lose at this point and my husband applied for his dream job in Waco, TX.
Waco has always been near and dear to our hearts, so it wasn’t as spontaneous as it might come across. After a month, we decided to write it off and focus our attention to more local jobs. Then, on a random Thursday afternoon he got the call. They wanted him to come in and apply for the position. We finally had a glimmer of hope and words cannot express our happiness when they hired him!
I put Tulsa Moms Blog on hold and we relocated to Waco last month.
Since moving to Waco, God has clearly planted all of the signs here. That large sign in big bold letter that I was praying for is planted here. I have never been tested this much to rely on the cliche phrase “God will always provide”, but he does indeed.
Mamas let me tell you, having your spouse or partner truly HAPPY with his career is life changing in itself.
While Tulsa Moms Blog did not ever come to fruition, be on the lookout for Waco Moms Blog.
I am proud to be a part of City Moms Blog Network and passionate about connecting local moms together.
At the end of the day, you cannot teach adaptability and my girls showed me tremendous grace this past year. They pushed me to be a stronger version of myself and accept challenges head on. I look back on my younger self who once felt like an isolated new mom and cannot help but laugh. Although that is how I felt at the time, I had no idea the wild ride I would be on years later. Everything truly happens for a reason.
Cheers to 2017!
Essay by: Carrie Maddux
You can connect with Carrie on Instagram , Facebook and at Waco Moms Blog
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Sarah Rioux
The Courage to Overcome Fear and Grow Mentally, Spiritually, Professionally
Ciao! My name is Sarah Rioux and I am the Owner, CEO and Co-Founder of Ladybird Provisions, and we make Coffee Bombs. I am the daughter of an Italian immigrant who has shown me what it looks like to be brave, dedicated and, perhaps most importantly, to chase after a dream no matter how hard it seems.
Coffee Bombs are a pre-made Butter Coffee supplement made up of Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, Grass-fed Butter, Collagen Protein and other medicinal spices that help different aspects of the body and mind. Each ingredient is meticulously chosen and each of the five flavors are intentionally crafted to stimulate the mind and jump-start the metabolism. We are still a new company (only five months in) but the overwhelming response to our product has been amazing so far.
The Beginning
I moved to Austin in August of 2015 to marry the man of my dreams, Jon, who I fatefully met over five years ago. I am a person who strives on security so quitting a safe job that I loved to move to a new city, get married and essentially start over was challenging for me in many ways. I am a Registered and Licensed Dietitian and recently went back to school for a Master’s Degree in Business. I had spent the last nine years working in Child Nutrition; as the Dietitian for Pasadena ISD in the Houston area and the Assistant Director of Child Nutrition for Fort Worth ISD. My safe career was rewarding in many ways, but there was always a part of me that didn’t feel fully content. I worked hard and I cared about what I did. I felt content and- here is that word again- safe.
I knew that moving to Austin would challenge me and force me to take the time to reflect on how I wanted to “dance” into this new phase of life, and explore what I really wanted to do professionally. My career was something that I had no idea how badly I wanted to change until presented with the opportunity…
How did it feel getting started?
Scary! It’s so funny to reflect back on but when Jon and I first met, I told him about this dream I had to open a healthy bakery. He loved the idea and constantly pushed me to pursue that dream. He used to tell me “Sarah, you work so hard for other people. If you worked half as hard for your self you’d be amazingly successful”. I loved his encouragement and the fact that he wanted to push me to be and do more than I thought I could, but I was scared. I was scared to leave my safe job that I was good at and comfortable doing to start something that was just a dream and so…unsafe.
Fast forward (or rewind) to August 2015 when I moved to Austin. I was forced into a naturally uncomfortable position (personally) of living in a new city and being unemployed. Jon was quietly but persistently whispering in my ear, telling me that it was the perfect time for me to start my own business, but I still wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared to walk into the “unsafe zone”. So, I naturally spent my time looking online and applying to jobs. I wanted to find another safe job that would make me feel content. I had a plan for my life but it seemed that my life had another plan for me. Door after door was closed on me which tested my faith and mental strength over the course of a few months. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me at the time but now, of course, I do.
After those few months of rejection, I took a part-time job as the Dietitian for People’s RX, a local wellness pharmacy in Austin. I did not like the job (in fact I was miserable there!) but as fate would have it, it is where I met Nicole, my current business partner and the other Co-Founder of Ladybird Provisions. She is a drugless practitioner (among other things) who started advising her clients years ago to add grass-fed butter and coconut oil to their morning cup of coffee. She put these fat bombs in a mold so it was easy to add to hot coffee and forget about it. I did my own research on the Butter Coffee phenomenon and was overwhelmed with its multitude of health benefits but underwhelmed with the process of making it. People NEED something fast, easy and healthy in the morning that they don’t have to think about, right? I went to bed that night thinking about this and couldn’t sleep. I got my first “Ah Ha” moment that night and this fire inside me that said “THIS could be a business and it is something that I think I can do”! I couldn’t wait for the morning to tell Jon what I was thinking and that I wanted to start a business making Coffee Bombs- the first pre-made Butter Coffee additive (with protein) on the market. I went to Nicole and told her that I thought we could make a business out of this idea and she was on board! Together, we started playing with recipes, analyzing the nutritional panel and sourcing ingredients accordingly. The more we practiced and perfected the recipes, the more serious and excited I became. I quit working at People’s and decided to dedicate all of my time to Ladybird. Best. Decision. Ever.
Obstacles
Oh man! There were so many. I had finally found something that I was passionate and excited about and felt as though it was just meant to be. But, having a great idea and creating a business were two entirely different things so I had a lot to figure out. I’ve never been in the Consumer Packaged Goods (CPG) world before so I had to learn everything on the fly. Like how to form a company, name it, trademark it, research commercial kitchen space, health permits, cost analysis, ingredient sourcing, branding, packaging, logos, insurance, marketing, social media, finances, getting into stores (that was/is a BIG one) and the list goes on, and on, and on…. As daunting as all of this was, I was still having fun and enjoying the work I was doing and how much I was learning. And, for the first time in my professional career, the amount of work I put into Ladybird directly amounted to the productivity of the business. Figuring out how to grow is the next step. One with a whole new set of challenges to figure out and overcome. :)
What motivates you?
Fear. In all of this, I have realized that fear is a huge motivator for me. I want to show Fear that I can overcome it and that it won’t keep me down. Fear is such an inhibitor and stops so many talented, motivated people from reaching for their dreams (me included). I’ve overcome some of my fear-based obstacles but many are still there and surly more are still to come. Fear is a constant challenge to overcome but certainly, for me, a motivator to keep going for it, whatever “it” may be.
Which living person do you admire?
There are many people that I admire but none that I appreciate more than my mom, Patrizia. Like I mentioned before, she moved to the United States from Italy when she was just 22 years old to follow her dreams. She started off in New York where she became a Nanny and learned how to speak English. Then ended up in San Antonio, TX where she met my dad. She put herself through art school and has spent her entire life dedicated to her own emotional and spiritual growth and to helping others. She is a healer, a yoga teacher, an artist, a wife and an amazing mom. <3
What is your most marked characteristic?
I really love people. I have the ability to accept most people for who they are and where they are in the moment- even if it is not who I would want to be or where I would like to go. I try to appreciate everyone for their individual strengths rather than focus on their weaknesses. I guess you could say that I tend to see the best in people (for the most part anyway).
What is your motto?
Keep Truckin’. Life throws you curve balls and tests your dedication to the path that leads to your highest potential. Keep truckin’ when things get tough and have faith. It always works out if you let go. :)
What are some things that you are proud to have accomplished?
I am proud that I had faith and overcame my fear and started Ladybird. It was a HUGE step for me and something that I know had a profound impact on my psyche and confidence (even if I’m not totally sure exactly how).
I am also proud to have such a wonderful husband and great group of friends who I couldn’t imagine living without. Their support through this and the crazy rollercoaster we call life have been invaluable.
I am proud that I care about myself enough to eat right, exercise and sleep. Well, most of the time. :)
What are some hopes you have for your future?
I want to continue to grow emotionally and spiritually. I want my business to grow too, of course, but that’s not my entire focus. I think it’s important to work hard for what you want and even harder to keep what you already have. Without my friends, my husband and my health, there would be no business to work on.
Jon and I are also expecting our first baby in May, 2017. It is such an amazing and special time and the perfect opportunity to create something that I can be proud to tell this amazing child that is joining this world and our family in May.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Go for it! Don’t let fear hold you back, let it motivate you to move forward. Make a plan, be prepared and go for it! Keep truckin’ when it gets hard. You will never know what could’ve been if you never tried.
Good luck out there!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Adrienne Hodge
The Courage to Overcome Barriers as an Artist
People often ask me how I make time be an artist as the mother of two small children. Most of the time this question comes from other moms or other artists, and it’s an important one for those who want to keep producing art while juggling real life, kids, and obligations that decidedly are not art.
How can we overcome the internal obstacles that all artists already face in the process of art making, while overcoming the external roadblocks that all new moms face when attempting to do anything productive outside of motherhood? The answer isn’t a simple one.
When I first left my job as a middle school art teacher to stay home with my first child three and a half years ago, I was terrified. I felt like a fraud. I had an identity crisis. I thought if I wasn’t an art teacher, who was I? I didn’t want to be just a mom.
It is not in my nature to devote all of my energy to keeping my home fully functioning. At the end of the day as a stay at home mom, I was bored. I wasn’t stimulated mentally or creatively. I thrive on routine, and so I became obsessed with my daughter’s daily routine for naps and bedtime, and then wildly annoyed when they were disrupted. I was in the middle of a fantastic bout with postpartum anxiety, but I didn’t realize it until I was out of that phase and looking back on the experience.
Now that my second baby is six months old, I am fully aware of my tendencies for nervous, fretting, worrisome anxiety. It all boils down to control and self-care for me. The less control I have over a situation, the more anxious I become, but if I have an abundance of self-care opportunities, then I can better cope with my lack of control over things in my life. Although, as any new mom will tell you, that formula is complicated to execute with tiny humans in the mix.
In motherhood, the best-laid plans are completely and constantly being overturned and opportunities for self-care are often impossible to extract from days that rotate around caring for others. Under these circumstances, creating art can seem a hopeless endeavor.
But, when I went back to work teaching community art classes to adults, I learned something, and I was elated. Suddenly, I had this opportunity to reinvent myself and reassume the identity I had been missing.
My adult students seemed to view me in a way that only a few of my middle school students ever did and my confidence soared immediately. I began to set a new loftier goal for myself—something I had lied to myself about every really wanting. I wanted become an active artist (i.e. create new work on a regular basis, show my work publicly and become a networking member of the artist community in Austin and beyond). Sure, I made art as a public school teacher—project examples for my classes mostly and in the summers I’d START a big painting, but usually never finish it.
Some of my student's work at the DAC
I began to approach my art making practice as just that—a practice. If my job is being an artist, then I have to work whether I feel like showing up for my job or not. Like Picasso said—“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”
Even before I became a mother, making art wasn’t easy. But procrastination was. I once made a list of all of the things I do when I’m procrastinating making art—finding the perfect music, making the perfect cup of tea, cleaning my workspace, etc.—and then I got real with myself and realized that all of the procrastinating was just a lot of busy work that masks the fear of making bad art.
But bad art isn’t something to be afraid of, and it’s all part of the process—practice, setbacks, lessons learned, and new course correction. And once mom-artists recognize how precious their creation time is, a lot of the course correction becomes automatic—one of the tools we pick up naturally and add to our tool belt by default of becoming mothers.
Now, instead of cleaning my workspace or making the perfect cup of whatever and waiting for the muse to arrive, I started to just shove the mess on my desk aside, sit down with my tepid cup of coffee and get busy drawing. Some days, I may only have however long the baby nap generally lasts and I probably still need to shower, but I have to work on my art.
My art practice has become everything now.
It’s not just a therapy or an outlet for my anxiety and a sanctuary of self-care from the unrealistic expectations of motherhood in our modern era; it’s my livelihood and my identity. The lovely side effect of devoting myself whole-heartedly to this goal of art making was that my class sizes at the Dougherty Arts School where I teach drawing and painting suddenly grew around the same time my paradigm shift in personal art production occurred. I am consistently at max capacity at the start of a new class, and that had been far from the case at first. As if overnight, I had a large mailing list of students. Word of mouth is a beautiful thing.
I now share my secrets and tips for building confidence and a daily or regular art practice with all of my students or anyone who will listen, and I find this audience to be extremely grateful of my encouragement and support in this area.
I read positive art affirmations to my classes out loud while they draw and paint. I approach the class like the best yoga instructors I know structure their classes—by supporting students with a relaxed and non-judgmental atmosphere in order to help them let go of critical inner dialogue, release expectations and explore their own self-guided practice.
Sometimes my classes end up feeling like a therapy session, and I love that. People find themselves, build confidence and grow before my eyes. I think part of my journey is learning to take credit for that though.
Recently, I’ve had some “Aw, no—that was all you!” moments when students have said I was the reason they were able to surprise themselves with their painting or drawing abilities, but as I type this I realize I should probably use the line I often feed them when they start to be self-deprecating about their work—“Thanks, I worked really hard on that.”
To bring it all back around to motherhood though, I’d say my mantras for a successful art practice could be applied to my practices as the confident mother whose shoes I’m still growing into.
The key for me is setting my expectations for myself extremely low.
Yeah, you read that right, and I often say that to my students, too. “Don’t aim for the moon. Aim for the end of the lawn and maybe you’ll land among the stars. Plus, the moon is closer to the earth than the stars, so that platitude is really scientifically incorrect anyway!”
Seriously though, we expect too much of ourselves. When we let ourselves off the hook, release expectations and find a niche in our day to day that is realistic and enjoyable, that’s where we generally find peace. I am still on my path to becoming the artist I want to be, and I’m sure I always will be. It’s a long road, and I find solace in that. The joy and growth happen along the way in the most unexpected ways. “Mistakes are opportunities for growth” is something I used to say to my middle school students, but I don’t think I really owned it until I threw myself headfirst into my own art journey.
Sometimes I really do attempt to approach a day of mom-artisthood with the expectation that I will fail at getting anything done. On days when I can only make it up to the studio space I now share with another talented and inspiring artist-mom if I bring my son with me, I set out knowing it’s going to be a struggle. I put him in the pack n’ play I leave there for him, and I may only get 20 minutes of actual work done over the course of a few hours, but it doesn’t matter. The success is in the attempt.
Just showing up is what matters. I have so much patience when it comes to learning and teaching, it amazes me. I wish I could apply that kind of patience to other areas of my life. I still feel like a fraud at times. I still have a hard time taking myself seriously as an artist. There is a fine line in the mind of the creative between egotistical grandeur and crippling self-doubt.
As a mother, you can find me guzzling my glass of wine after the tantrum orchestra that is the toddler-baby bedtime at my house thinking, “Well, I kept them alive today—that’s all that matters, right?” It sounds like another joke, but it IS what matters. When I spend hours I feel I don’t have to spare on a piece of art that doesn’t work and I decide to scrap it, I can choose to see those as wasted hours or be grateful for the valuable practice and growth I just experienced as an artist.
Likewise, as a mother, when I spend an hour trying to leave the house to run an errand that doesn’t happen that day because of a diaper-blowout-turned-unexpected-naptime or epic tantrum that leaves me staring into space, I have a similar choice in regards to perspective.
Being an artist, a part-time art teacher, and a full time stay-at-home-mom means I have to choose to make the time for my art career, to set aside my fears of making bad art, to power through past exhaustion, illness, bad moods and procrastinating tendencies.
I have to schedule blocks of work time around my busy business owner husband’s schedule at times when he can be home with both kids, pump breast milk for the baby, schedule babysitters, bring the toddler or the baby to the studio with me, play cartoons for hours longer than I care to admit in order to meet a deadline or work out an idea, and stay up late into the night when everyone else is asleep. I have to not care what anyone thinks about my messy house, my laundry piles, and the takeout meals or whatever unrealistic expectations I feel I’m not meeting as a mother.
When I look back on these years of early motherhood, I know it will be a blur and I know I will think fondly of the magical cuteness and sigh heavily at the hard-but-worth-it aspect of it all.
Although, the most incredible thing that keeps me going is that something in me switched on when I became a mother.
At a time when it would have been so easy to hit the snooze button, I decided to start dreaming bigger for myself and chasing some lifetime goals I could have easily put off until the nebulous time period when kids become easier to raise.
It’s as if I was such a huge procrastinator that I thought if I don’t challenge myself at one of the most challenging times in my life to do this, I never will.
Photo Credit - Nathan Russell
Throughout this post, I’ve started to list the tricks I employ to get and stay busy on my creative work, but they are so idiosyncratic, I’m not sure they would apply to anyone else, but I’m going to do it anyway:
· I work small: I keep small bags of drawing pens and pencils, my nicer inks in one bag, small sketchbooks I can take anywhere, etc. I pull them out when I’m sitting on the couch watching crap television.
· I’m constantly researching and connecting with art: Instead of scrolling through my phone mindlessly, I search Pinterest, Tumblr or Instagram for lesson planning ideas or resources to send to my students or ideas to inspire my own art. I don’t try to overachieve like I used to with lesson plans. I take screenshots and drop them into a slideshow to share with my classes. I look at the art of others all the time. They say good writers read a lot, and I think a good artist should stay connected to art all times. I recently traded some art prints for some gorgeous glasswork of another artist who found me on Instagram. Pulling from and putting back into the local and global art community is so important. I truly believe in the law of attraction, and I think supporting other artists in any way I can will only result in the growth of my own art career.
· I keep repetitive habits: I know I thrive on routine, and I know what my procrastinating pitfalls are, so I do what I’ve found works for me and I do so religiously. I listen to a certain podcast pretty much every time I sit down to really accomplish work on a project (Marc Maron’s WTF podcast or sometimes On Being with Krista Tippett).
Most importantly—I actively nurture and fuel the positive inner dialogue in my mind, and listen to the inner critic just enough to move away from what isn’t working in my art without bemoaning the loss of time and energy.
I practice constantly, and recognize that if something is off, I’m probably out of practice.
I’m not lying about positive art affirmations. There is a lot to be gained from saying “I am an artist. I am a creative genius!” to yourself and believing it.
All of these tricks really boil down to this, too. It’s an attitude.
A personal investment in your own self-compassion goes such a long way.
There is a thing we all wish we could do if personal ability wasn’t an obstacle and most of the time acknowledging that inner critic and nurturing yourself anyway will make it happen—sometimes overnight, and sometimes in the midst of the most challenging self-care epoch of your life!
Woah!! What an amazing piece of writing, right? I found myself idenitfying with so many points and also feeling completely inspired. I hope you did too! xo- catia
Connect with Adrienne here!
Moon Gallery Instagram / Facebook / Adrienne Hodge / Etsy / Moon Gallery Studio
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Ginna Mares Villarreal
The Courage to Trust the Final Outcome
Hello All! I want to start off by thanking my sweet friend Catia for letting me be a part of her blog! I remember meeting her for the first time at my salon a while back and when she left I just sat there telling my stylist, she has to be one of the most genuine kind-hearted people I know, but by reading her blog I’m sure you already know that! I love meeting people that leave me with a smile.
My name is Ginna Villarreal and I am a blogger, wardrobe stylist, owner of The Dry Room salon, By Maxwell luxury boutique, owner of a social media company as well as a property tax business but most of all a wife and mother to two crazy little toddlers!
It’s not every day that I type out what I do because just thinking about it is exhausting and I just “do what I gotta do” day in and day out without thinking of the madness! I must get that from my mama.
I was raised in a single-parent home and I saw my mom hustle and grind relentlessly every single day to provide for my brother and I. She was a teacher in my early childhood days and around junior high she would get up and work all day and do night school while getting her Master’s degree.
I remember my brother dividing up the house chores in the evening while my mom went to school. He would say “you make the sandwiches and I’ll do the mac n’ cheese,” we didn’t want her worrying about us.
Later on she went on to get her PhD and we look back at those times and I can’t ever remember her complaining or stressing. She just did her thing.
I could use a little more of her patience, but she sure did show me what it was to get things done.
One thing I was afraid of doing but did anyway was….
One thing I was afraid of doing before owning The Dry Room & By Maxwell was trusting the process of a bigger plan.
All my life I have been a God fearing woman and I knew that I was destined for something….I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew God had something in store for me that not even I would be prepared for.
After getting married & opening up one of my first businesses I remember thinking “there has got to be more than this”. This business is great, I have amazing clients but I’m missing something. Something isn’t feeding my soul.
An opportunity opened up at our local Boys & Girls Club and I told my husband, it doesn’t pay much, I’m not doing it for the money I’m doing it because I believe there’s a child or two whose life I may touch and I’m applying!
I worked at the Boys & Girls Club for two years and it was one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had. I mentored our staff, and spoke to our kids about goals and hard work and achieving them. I let them know that they didn’t have to be a statistic, and that they didn’t have to be a victim of their circumstance.
After all, I knew what it was like to come from a single family home and have a father incarcerated. (By the way, I’m not quite sure people are aware of how many children’s parents are in the jail system in the RGV! It’s mind blowing, but we will save that for another day as my eyes get cloudy and a lump forms in my throat.)
After some time passed a Director position opened up. My getting the job was a given. I was next in line, I had done so much for the club, I along with our staff had just done an entire revamp of the club, and I couldn’t wait to get that call.
Well, the call never came.
I cried, I cried and cried. How could this happen!? It’s so strange that as I type this it feels like it was just yesterday, the pain was literally that bad. It was my husband who reminded me “Aren’t you the one who always says God is always working behind the scenes in your life. You did everything in your power and left that place better than you found it, maybe it’s time to move on.”
So I did. I moved on with a broken heart but like they always say, time helped me heal.
During my healing process, I immersed myself into my fashion blog. My Instagram and social media channels began to grow and companies started to take notice. I knew I was onto something when everyday was like Christmas. Packages of bows, blankets, dolls and clothing for Mia (our oldest daughter) and me were stuffed in our mailbox. Mia was one of the first little toddlers that the Kardashians sent clothing to -- and that was a total trip!
Later, local businesses began to contact me to handle their social media accounts and the business woman in me decided to take on clients! While doing so, I was still trying to find my next venture. What to do? I have always enjoyed making my own schedule, so I knew I would have to open another business to keep the freedom I loved so much!
I have always had a big-city mentality and loved big-city concepts so I told my husband I wanted to open a blow-dry bar and a boutique together. Blow dry bars were a hit in New York and Los Angeles and the good ‘ol Rio Grande Valley (The south most point in Texas) had not jumped on it yet! We went looking at locations, I was obsessed with the historic area of McAllen and Main Street. (Think historic buildings, paved sidewalks and quaint parks.) Finally, I found a corner location with a retro vibe feel, it was PERFECTION.
Lo and behold in the middle of getting a business plan together for my husband to take a look at, I get THAT call. My friend wanted me to help her with her public relations and social media for her new business, you guessed it…a blow dry bar…guess where?! YUP, in the exact same location 200 N. Main Street. It was bitter sweet.
She was an old childhood friend and I was more than happy to help her and her business partner out. I gave her advice, helped her some and we became closer than ever. So – no blow dry bar for me.
At the end of the next year that included a lot of prayer, she asked me to become a partner in her blow-dry bar business!
It was in THAT moment, I learned to trust the process.
God shut one door and gave me the desires of my heart. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.
We just rounded out our 3rd year of business, and this September, The Dry Room was voted McAllen’s Top 5 Businesses and exactly a month later, I opened up a luxury boutique with my husband and dear friends Cindy and Derek.
Since then, I have never questioned why things are they way they are or why they go down the way they do.
If I could give any advice to anyone who feels like they have had a door shut in their face, or have been told no – it would be – dream big, work really hard, pray even harder, and believe… the most beautiful things are in store.
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Essay by: Ginna Mares Villarreal
Guys, Ginna seriously is the hardest working lady in show biz!!
If you live in the RGV, make sure to visit her at The Dry Room and at By Maxwell.
And if you'd like to see Ginna and follow her fun life - check out her fashion blog at Ginna Villareal.
______________________________________________________________________________
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Words + Thoughts live
Originally published on 9-11-13
Words are everywhere. They come at as us from the TV, from the newspaper and from the radio. Media is just one medium, but there are countless others. Day to day interactions with family and friends and co-workers can be just as impactful. Over the years I have learned to be more discerning about the words I use and about the words that I let into my space, and it’s my days and nights so much happier.
Words and thoughts from TV
When Guapo and I started dating I avoided watching TV or movies where people were mean or unkind to each other. I started avoiding those subjects because I never wanted the following questions to come up, “Would you ever do that?” or “Have you ever…?” or “What would you do if…?” I didn’t want that junk, albeit fictional, entering into my subconscious, his, or ours. So we watched a lot of college football, comedy shows and happy romantic comedies. Finished were the days of “This is 40” or “The Five Year Engagement.” As funny as those types of movies seem, they’re simply negative wrapped in funny.
You’d think that when he’s not home, I’d turn it back to Real Housewives, right? Wrong. After one year of not being a regular viewer, I just can’t handle it anymore. Their voices sound like nails on chalkboard to me. I can literally feel their vile language invading my space. There are countless shows on TV where people are just down right mean to each other, there’s no value in watching it. Most times it’s like watching venom spew back and forth across the screen. “You’re a bitch! No, you’re a bitch!” This sounds extreme, I know. But once you start paying attention to how you feel AFTER you’ve finished watching an E! Entertainment News marathon, you’ll realize, it’s indifferent at best.
The other day we went to go see Woody Allen’s, Blue Jasmine. I was so pumped. I love a good movie with eye candy to boot! Forty five minutes in, I realized it was a downer! The characters were heavy and rude. I thought, “Do we stay and get our 20 bucks worth, or do we leave?” I tapped Guapo on the shoulder and he knew, he could feel it too. We left and were eating at one of our favorite hippie restaurants in no time. See ya later, Woody!
Words and thoughts from other people
About a month ago I walked into a boot repair shop in West Texas, and the owner, a lady in her mid-40s, was posted up behind a display counter. She greeted me and quickly proceeded to talk about being financially strapped and horses being slaughtered. She was clear in communicating to me just how much the world owed her. I thought, “Woah, lady. This is not the way to get me to come back here.”
There was a dark grey cloud looming over the boot shop and her negative words and vibe seemed to stick everywhere, like hot gum melted to the bottom of your shoe. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “Thanks for the chat, see you …never.”
If someone’s talking about icky things, I try my best to exit as quickly as possible. If I can’t exit, I try to change the subject. There’s no added value to my life (or to theirs) if I’m listening to someone rehash how much paying taxes sucks or how much their ex-boyfriend sucks. I prefer the sunnier side of memory lane.
Our words and thoughts
We tell ourselves some crazy stuff. We say out loud about ourselves what we would never say about our friends. It’s like we expect ourselves to be a glossed up version of a woman. We are to have the brilliance of Tina Fey, the hotness of Beyonce, the tenderness of a pre-school teacher, oh yeah and after dark the fierceness of Rihanna. Are you kidding me? No. We (me included) can be cray, cray!
Yesterday I joked, “I haven’t gone to the grocery store! I’m not a good wife.” Or a few months ago as thoughts were bubbling up inside of me and I was resisting I said, “Maybe I’m not a good writer. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to be a writer.” Or, “I know that the pork chops I cooked for dinner aren’t the greatest, they’ll be better next time.” Or the classic, “She’s so pretty; she’s so much prettier than me.”
Thankfully, in my house, comments like that are usually cut off at the knees. “Don’t joke about that, you’re a great wife,” or “Stop. You are a good writer, but you are on a learning path,” or “There’s no self-hate in this house, we don’t allow it.” Dang! Even when I use self-deprecating humor to be funny, I get shut down! My house is better off that way.
The more we use these words, the more we tell ourselves that we are not enough, the worse off we are. Have you ever noticed that when you don’t weigh yourself every morning and you don’t obsess about the .5 pounds you’ve gained, you’re much happier (and just as hot!)
Words and thoughts are things. Be conscious of the words you use and the energy you are putting out there. Are you a glass half full kind of person, or are you a glass half empty kind of person, or are you a… gosh I wish I had a better glass kind of person? What message are your words and actions sending?
Be a positive force in the world and value your life enough to only surround yourself with the like.