Help for Post Partum Depression (and the like)
I have had postpartum depression … twice. And so have A LOT of your friends and family.
When you’re a first time mom, the postpartum experience is new – and since it’s your first time around – it’s not easy to figure out what’s normal and what isn’t.
During my first pregnancy I was aware of the postpartum depression possibility so I guarded against it. I encapsulated my placenta, I worked out, I went to therapy, and still – the bottom fell out from under me. Only I didn’t know it – and not knowing that you are in the midst of postpartum disorders is the most dangerous.
One day, when my first born was about 4 months old, I noticed that I felt really good. I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders – and over the next few weeks, the puzzle pieces fell into place and I knew I had been depressed and anxious.
Here’s what my first go with postpartum disorders felt like:
Having thoughts of my baby getting hurt or dying A LOT.
Extreme jealousy and irrational behavior.
Fear that my husband would find a better woman.
Not connecting with my child.
I tended to her needs and no one could tell I wasn’t truly connecting – but I knew.
Resentment of my new life.
I wanted a baby, and had one, but then I was kind of pissed that my life had changed so much. Where had my life gone? Where had my freedom gone?
So then, with my second baby, I was ready. I knew what to look out for. My husband and I were ready!
With my second baby I had a traumatic birth (I lost 50% of my blood and had to have blood transfusions) so my OB was on high alert for me having Post-traumatic stress disorder, but after a few checkups, she deemed me fine.
The first several months of my second baby’s life were a dream. I was in love with her, I was connecting with her, I had help around the house, and my husband was helping a ton – ALL GOOD!
But then around month four – things started to get weird. I started to have major anxiety and my fuse became shorter and shorter. And around month five, my girlfriend Alexis at Birth 360, posted an article about late onset postpartum depression – and I read it – and it all clicked.
Dang it! It happened again!
I immediately called my doctor and made an appointment.
Here’s what postpartum depression felt like the second time around:
Having thoughts of my children getting hurt or dying – A LOT.
A general sense of fear of not having enough (money, food, time, etc.)
A short fuse, zero patience.
Anger toward everyone. Suppressed rage.
Feeling like someone had a boot on my neck.
Feeling helpless to affect change in my work life.
Irrational thoughts
Here’s a quick example of irrational thoughts:
My husband and I were out of town visiting family. We were staying in a quiet farm town, at least 30 minutes from a grocery store. One morning he cooked our oldest daughter breakfast — eggs and hotdogs. He also precooked hotdogs for the rest of the day – so that she would have something ready to go if she got hungry.
I asked him if he had had his fill of hotdogs, and he said yes. Then I said, “Okay, I’m going to eat the rest of these hotdogs with my breakfast.” I too wanted eggs and hotdogs. And he said, “Why don’t you have the chicken (there was cooked chicken breast) so that she can have the hotdogs later?”
And I got PISSED.
Thoughts started swirling in my mind. He doesn’t think I deserve hotdogs? Am I not worth hotdogs? I should be able to eat the hotdogs if I want. Am I not worth the $8 worth of hotdogs? And on and on.
I jumped in the shower and began to weep.
Guys, my husband and I have a strong relationship. He loves me and I love him, deeply. We have been through life together and still, we pull closer together. The sky is blue, and my husband loves me — I KNOW these things. And I knew intellectually that he would want me to have the hot dogs if that’s what I wanted – but my brain was spinning OUT OF CONTROL.
And when I told my OB/GYN the hotdog story – she said, “I’m glad you’re here for help.”
—
Useful questions for help for postpartum depression:
I recommend you ask yourself or have a person you trust ask.
Are you having fears you didn’t used to have? What are they?
Are you angry your life has changed?
Are you having thoughts that your baby is going to die?
Are you frustrated throughout the day? What sparks the frustration?
Do you feel inadequate?
Do you feel supported?
Do you feel like you can be honest about your feelings with those around you?
Has your libido changed? How?
If you have children, how do you feel toward them? Same as before baby? More connected, less connected?
If you are married or in a relationship – how do you feel toward your spouse/partner? Has it changed since post baby? Describe.
These are BIG questions and they only work if you commit to being honest.
The thing I’ve heard most from women about postpartum disorders is that they are ashamed. I am here to tell you – there is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a hormonal issues – not an issue of ability or will power.
You can ask for help from your OB/GYN, your child’s pediatrician, a counselor or your girlfriends, community and family. Some women feel better after talking about it with friends or a therapist. Some women need medication (me!) And some women need a combo of things.
We are all with you and for you.
Childbirth brings on so many changes, good and bad and messy ones. But the point of it all is to ENJOY your new baby and your new family. Get the help you need, you deserve to feel good!
Other resources:
Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas
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This post was originally written for and featured on Austin Moms Blog
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Real Talk About Depression
If you:
· Have constant mood swings.
· Are anxious all the time.
· Have trouble feeling joyous.
· Feel disconnected from your life.
· Hesitate to go outside and partake in physical activity.
· Feel rage.
· Have thoughts of hurting yourself or other people.
· If your life feels grey.
· If your thoughts are heavy and burdensome and it all feels like doomsday.
YOU MAY BE DEPRESSED AND SHOULD SEEK HELP.
1) Help is GOOD. There is honor in being self-aware and honest.
2) You will be okay – and this is not “just the way life is,” your brain is playing tricks on you. Depression is complicated, but it is science. Depression is not about will power.
My first bout with depression was in 2014. I had become a mama for the first time and my hormones fell through the floor.
Here’s what it felt like.
· I was disconnected from my daughter, and from my life. I was going through the motions, but nothing was really sinking in.
· I also felt very insecure. I constantly felt like my husband was going to go find someone better. I was really paranoid and sad. I would hold his shoulders and cry, “I’m scared you’re going to find someone better.”
· I would have horrible thoughts about my daughter dying. A LOT. They were terrible. I would imagine me hitting her head on a corner of a wall, or dropping her. The thoughts were horrific.
Everything looked great on the outside. I wore cute clothes. I worked out. I cooked meals. Nothing on the outside gave evidence to my interior thoughts or feelings. Three or four months into the depression, it lifted, and I wept. It was only then, only after it lifted, that I knew I had been depressed.
Depression is weird. It wears away at what is actually happening , and then it distorts it – until it’s so distorted – and you’re so far away from where you started – that it feels unreasonable to NOT BELIEVE YOUR THOUGHTS. You are sure, you are right. You are sure what you are seeing is true. You have collected all the evidence. You are right. Life sucks. Life is hard. Life is a battle. Life is grey.
BUT DEPRESSION IS A LIAR.
The second time I experienced depression was about 5 months after I became a mama for the second time.
We were on a family trip and my husband had sliced and cooked some hot dogs to eat with breakfast. Hot dogs are one of our girls’ favorite foods, and they are easy to cook and eat – so they are a family favorite.
I went to go serve myself hot dogs – and my husband suggested I eat the chicken he had made – since our girls would more readily eat the hot dogs throughout the day. (It’s important to note that we were staying on a farm, in rural Iowa, and the nearest grocery store was 30 minutes away.)
I raged on the inside but said nothing. I served myself every single piece of hot dog that was left and ate until I was uncomfortable.
Then I got into the shower, stood under the running water and sobbed.
The thoughts going through my head were, “He doesn’t think I deserve hot dogs! Am I not worth $8.00 of hot dogs? Does he not care about my needs?” On and on.
I came out of the shower, looked at him, admitting nothing – and said, “I’m not going to be as resilient today.” And he held me gently. We decided I would seek help when we returned.
A week later I told my OB/GYN the story and she said, “I’m glad you’re here. You need a lot of help.”
I didn’t know the Post-Partum Depression could be late onset – and since it felt different than the first time around – neither my husband or I flagged it.
This is what is felt like the second time around:
· I was short tempered. Very short tempered.
· I felt a lot of rage.
· I talked about being violent toward people who angered me.
· I had thoughts of my girls dying. All the time. The thoughts were all consuming – and they left me breathless.
· I would have serious anxiety attacks that manifested as coughing attacks, where I would cough so hard I would gag and it was hard to catch my breath.
· Nothing was ever “quite right.” I always had a reason to be angry.
Two times with depression, and if I’m being totally honest, maybe a third. Right now. It’s annoying and frustrating, because I know I am blessed. I love my husband. I love my girls. I am safe. I have a job I love – and yet, depression sneaks its way into my brain every night and I have terrible dreams. You know, the kind where they weigh on your body and mind and you wake up in a weird mood. So this time around, it looks and feels different.
Here is what is in my DEPRESSION TOOL BOX.
· Talk therapy with a LCSW and a Resonance Re-patterner.
· Prescription anti-depressants – prescribed through my OB/GYN
· Essential oils – I use these all the time to keep my body and emotion vibrating on a higher frequency. I am a big fan of Young Living oils.
· Exercise – I try to do some exercise, (alone – no kids), 4 times a week. One hour per session.
· Massages – getting a massage breaks up the fascia around your muscles and helps relieve tension. It doesn't have to be an expensive massage, just a massage.
· Getting some sun – getting some vitamin D helps boost my mood big time.
· Date night – alone time with my husband makes a huge difference for me.
· Alone time – MUST GET ALONE TIME. I need this to reset from all the frantic moments of the week. I try to go for a walk, listen to a podcast, do yoga.
. Get off my phone and social media. Being on my phone is not rest, it's the opposite of rest.
· Get chilly – If I am hot, I angrier. I’m so serious! Turn down the thermostat.
· Good food – eating organic and sustainable grown fruits and veggies makes a big difference for our body.
· Cut our sugar – Sugar is the devil. Sugar causes major hormonal and consequently mood swings.
. Time with God - praying, listening and connecting with God always grounds me.
It sounds like battling depression is a full-time job, right? Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. It’s more about a well-rounded way to approach life, and when I honor my body and mind, it returns the favor.
If you identify with any of the feelings above – I will help you get help. All you have to do it say, “Maybe I need help.” And then email me, I’ll hold your hand through it.
I have been there, it is weird. I know.
You are loved and you are worthy.
Don’t let depression convince you otherwise.
The Courage to Become | Naya Weber
My family and I have been living in the Austin area for about three years, after moving from our home of eight years just outside of Fort Worth. My husband found his dream job, which required us to leave our friends and move down I-35. The timing of the move couldn’t have come at a worse time: I was only 3 months postpartum after having our second son. At a time when I needed my village the most, I ended up a few hundred miles away.
While I did know people in Austin (a grand total of 4 people in the whole area), navigating a new city with a toddler and an infant was daunting. Because I had no idea where anything was and traffic scared the living daylights out of me, and we ended up staying home a lot. I kept the kids entertained with crafts, books, and watching more TV than I care to mention. However, I felt like a prisoner inside our apartment. What I didn’t realize was that I was developing a case of postpartum anxiety and depression.
We moved to a rental home in south Austin a few months later. I was grateful to have my own space for a while, a backyard to play in, and parks nearby. Despite the relief, my temper was out of control. My husband has always been a good gauge for my behavior and he gently let me know that I needed some help. He felt like he was walking on eggshells around me. I finally sought out a therapist and started meeting her weekly to get through this. After the first visit, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me and I wished I had found her ages ago.
Part of her care plan for me was to get out of the house and meet people, specifically other moms. She also helped me frame the recent life changes in a different way – I was getting a fresh start in a new city.
I took the opportunity to pursue something I was passionate about while living in Fort Worth: I went back to school to finish education in order to become a lactation consultant. Supporting breastfeeding families was something I was very passionate about and did on the side prior to our move. Getting back to that part of me helped me so much.
I also met a number of wonderful women through a stroller-based fitness program. Being around other mothers felt great. They couldn’t have been kinder or more welcoming. Before long, I was one of the gang and had a good group of friends I saw several times a week. We’ve attended each other’s kids’ birthday parties and dropped off food after a new baby or illness, and more.
Fast forward to present day: I’ve completed all of the prerequisites to sit for the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) exam, and rocked the test this past October!!!
The moms I met are still very much a part of my life, and we see each other at least once a month to catch up. I did run into several obstacles while going back to school, namely childcare. Not having old friends or family around made it challenging, but my mama village came through in the form of meals, childcare, and sharing their babysitters. Any mother will tell you that a good and reliable babysitter is worth her weight in gold!
More than anything, I’m grateful to feel more like myself than I have in years. I feel settled and like I have a purpose. I’m not who I was prior to the move, I’m a new and improved version of myself that is somehow still the same person I have always been.
Another layer has been added on to a solid foundation. Something that helped me through the difficult time was that it was okay to let my guard down and ask for help. Whether it was for my mental health or someone to watch my kids for an hour so I can get groceries, it is okay to reach out to others for assistance. It is okay to be vulnerable.
I love Naya's ability to keep it real. The more we surround ourselves with authentic women - the easier it us for us to be our true selves! Keep up with Naya here!
Naya Weber, CLEC
@ohheynaya (Instagram)
@ohheynaya (Twitter)
Sincerely Sarah Photography
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Carrie Maddux
Becoming A Mom
I always wanted to be a mom. I have often said that I felt my calling in life was to be a mom. I did not know how else to explain it.
In 2012, we welcomed our first baby girl. Although words couldn't describe my happiness, I was also plagued with postpartum blues, exhaustion, and adjusting to our new normal. Seriously, where are the parenting classes that teach you real life scenarios?
Once I settled into my new role as a stay at home mom, I realized it can be a bit isolating. There I was with everything I could possibly want. It was perfect on paper. Stay at home mom, loving husband, a healthy & beautiful newborn, but I felt alone on most days. So, I began to search for ways to get involved and have adult interaction.
Becoming an Austin Moms Blog Contributor
I quickly became a huge fan of Austin Moms Blog and followed their blogs from day one. I admired those women for being raw and sharing their real life mom moments. I noticed an open contributor call on Facebook one day and decided to apply for it. I always found writing to be very cathartic and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do something for myself. Fortunately, they invited me to be a contributor and I had no clue how it would impact my life. Writing gave me a purpose and I quickly gained a new “village” of women to call my friends.We welcomed our second baby girl in 2014 and I did not experience any of the postpartum blues or isolation like I did the first time. Having a purpose and a village truly makes a difference!
Becoming My Stronger Self
In early 2016, my husband went through a transition with his job and it pushed us close to rock bottom. I can say with every ounce of my being that our love for one another is unbreakable after going through that obstacle together. We both admitted that going through a tough transition and losing your main source of income can create a lot of stress on a marriage and your family unit. Money doesn’t make you happy, but it definitely makes life easier. We learned to lean on each other and our faith.
Even when times get tough, you still have to show up and be a parent. You still have to pretend like everything is okay because my two and four year old need me. Life lessons have a way of knocking you to your knees and allowing you to stand up stronger than ever before. I did not let many people know about our situation. I am the usual smile and say everything is good type person; however, I remained sane thanks to my village.
See the common theme here?
My friends will tell you that I kept begging for a sign. I needed God to plant that sign in my front yard in big bold letters. “Let Go and Let God” was my motto. In June 2016, we relocated to Oklahoma for a job opportunity. I cried many nights about losing my village and starting over again. It wasn't just my husband and myself starting over. We now had two young girls that were going through this with us, however; it was the “sign” and fresh start we prayed over. We survived a big move with two toddlers and settled into our new home.
Like I mentioned above, I always said my calling had something to do with being a mom, but I did not know why. I began searching for a local blog similar to Austin Moms Blog, but could not find anything.
I so desperately wanted to find a resource in our new city, but kept coming up short. That is when I decided to purchase and start Tulsa Moms Blog. I have been known to be impulsive at times, but this was taking a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Writing behind a computer is one thing, but owning my OWN business? It was exhilarating and nerve racking at the same time.
Starting Tulsa Moms Blog allowed me to connect moms on and offline in our community and provide a positive resource for moms in all stages of life. I was getting ready to launch the blog and we got some bad news about my husband’s new job. Yes, we relocated our entire family for this job. I’ll spare you all of the details, but Tulsa turned into one big disaster. We lost our main source of income AGAIN, we made an investment into my new venture, and barely moved into our new home. We decided we had nothing to lose at this point and my husband applied for his dream job in Waco, TX.
Waco has always been near and dear to our hearts, so it wasn’t as spontaneous as it might come across. After a month, we decided to write it off and focus our attention to more local jobs. Then, on a random Thursday afternoon he got the call. They wanted him to come in and apply for the position. We finally had a glimmer of hope and words cannot express our happiness when they hired him!
I put Tulsa Moms Blog on hold and we relocated to Waco last month.
Since moving to Waco, God has clearly planted all of the signs here. That large sign in big bold letter that I was praying for is planted here. I have never been tested this much to rely on the cliche phrase “God will always provide”, but he does indeed.
Mamas let me tell you, having your spouse or partner truly HAPPY with his career is life changing in itself.
While Tulsa Moms Blog did not ever come to fruition, be on the lookout for Waco Moms Blog.
I am proud to be a part of City Moms Blog Network and passionate about connecting local moms together.
At the end of the day, you cannot teach adaptability and my girls showed me tremendous grace this past year. They pushed me to be a stronger version of myself and accept challenges head on. I look back on my younger self who once felt like an isolated new mom and cannot help but laugh. Although that is how I felt at the time, I had no idea the wild ride I would be on years later. Everything truly happens for a reason.
Cheers to 2017!
Essay by: Carrie Maddux
You can connect with Carrie on Instagram , Facebook and at Waco Moms Blog
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Sarah Donovan
The Courage to Face Anxiety + Help Women Rise
As a young girl, you could find me painting flowers or vintage VOGUE covers. I guess you could say that was the beginning of my career as an artist. And all along the way, my mom encouraged me to keep a paintbrush in my hand. Even though I tried my hand at other things, my heart always lead me back to painting.
I knew I loved art and design AND I have always had a desire to be with people and love people.
My parents were always caring for others and their family members so I have them to thank for this characteristic.
In 2006 I was blessed with the opportunity to share this love for people by visiting Uganda on a mission trip. My goal was to share love with Ugandans, but these beautiful people showed me a love that is truly indescribable.
During college, I went through a series of rough patches. I enjoyed partying and boys more than studying for a period of time. (Anybody else?) And after some questionable decisions, I came to the realization that I wasn't loving myself.
Shortly after this fun phase, I met my precious husband Andrew. And a year after graduating college (babies!), we were married.
I knew I loved Andrew when we got married, but through life's challenges, I have really gotten to know his loyalty – and I admire him the most. He is my rock, and literally the other half of me. I admire his ability to lead without being cocky, his kindness, and his love for myself and our son.
I struggled to find a job so I started teaching art at a local art school. While teaching, I took freelance creative jobs and began my stationery business, The Stationery Bakery.
At first I focused on wedding invitations and over the past few years the business had transformed and now I illustrate greeting cards, prints, and home + gift items.
But while that is my passion career wise, I also have an insane passion for loving my husband and kid.
After becoming a mom, and experiencing some personal hardships, I discovered my drive to support and love women.
Let’s rewind to 2014.
While I had a seemingly healthy pregnancy, I experienced anxiety around ultrasound appointments. And even after determining everything was fine, I turned into a beautiful anxious mess!
During the end of my pregnancy, I was convinced I was dying. And that anxiety ramped up after having George.
I was obsessed with this kid and was constantly worried something would happen to him or myself. And after a few long months of suffering the grips of anxiety, I got help from an amazing counselor in Austin, Brett Brightwell. I experienced a total identity crisis when becoming a mom!
(The identity crisis happens to most of us ;) , only I didn’t know that.) Thankfully, I was and have been able to work through the root causes of my anxiety.
In addition to counseling, it became clear that I was dealing with postpartum anxiety and OCD and so I got on medication under the guidance of Suzanne Grantham out of Austin.
When I started to feel some relief, I decided to break my silence and speak out about my experience. Speaking out was therapeutic and I met women who struggled with similar chaos. Then, I started to find a sense of community among other women.
Seeing the importance of community among women and the growing need for mental health support, I felt inspired to start a small support group. The group is called Moms Arising and the goal is to provide a safe environment that encourages women to rise up even in the midst of challenging times.
It's so hard to be a woman.
It's brutal to be a mom.
My hope is to continue to seek for answers within myself so that my confidence will encourage other women to do the same.
My anxiety is not cured, it is still a part of my life today. I still look over my shoulder from time to time waiting for a crippling panic attack. However, I have found relief in surrounding myself with a tribe that I love and trust. And my tribe is constantly evolving because of the unique people I meet each day.
In addition to my husband and my tribe, I have found a lot of healing in my faith and personal relationship with God. I used to think of God as this judging figure shaking his head at my poor decisions – but I have come to understand him as a loving father embracing me (entirely) in every moment.
We all go through scary times, but we can use those moments to reflect and meditate. Those times are what shape who we are and who we become.
Essay by: Sarah Donovan
I feel so lucky to have Sarah share her story with us! She worked through her fears AND had the wherewithal to take action and help other women! That is the definition of amazing and community and a strong woman. Wow!!!!
Stop by and say hi to Sarah and pick up some of her GORGEOUS ART WORK !
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
