Choices, Complacency, Bucket Lists And Worth

I wrote this six months ago, at the beginning of 2022. I can honestly say, it’s even more true now. I have learned to really settle into my life and be grateful for every moment. I truly am content, and it’s such a blessing.

I ordered this gift for Guapo and for us - to remind us that these are the days.

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I want to share a personal story about how I have recently let go of a really big dream.

I felt pulled in two different directions from the moment I became a mom.
 

One direction was a career, and the other was home. And not just any career, a grand career, one where I would wield a microphone and energy in an arena, one where I would speak to thousands at a time. I have always felt like I was meant for great things, and those were great things.
 

When I arrived at UT as a freshman, I arrived with the thought that I was going to be "Pre-med." The fact that I hated math and science didn't matter, "Pre-med" was the fanciest, most applause-worthy thing a freshman could say – so that's what I said. I knew enough to know that I needed to play the game well, and that was the next right move. Then I figured out that I would have thousands of hours of math and science ahead of me, so I pivoted. I didn't know what I "wanted to be," so I picked the next fanciest, most applause-worthy thing, "Pre-law." Bless my 18-year-old heart. School started, and since I was in business school, all my friends were studying business, and they seemed fine, so I eventually chose – marketing.

And that's how a lot of my decisions have been made.

What's the fanciest, most applause-worthy thing? Then I point my toes in that direction.

It has always been an easy enough formula.

Sometimes I achieve it or get it, and sometimes I don't. When I reach it, I feel like, "okay, good, we're on track! We are doing this thing called LIFE." And when I don't achieve it, I think, "I'm not working hard enough, I need to try harder, maybe I don't have what it takes."

It's like my congratulatory self has never met my motivate by meanness self.

A few years ago, when we lived in Panama, I started to unravel all of this and become aware of my motivations. And one day, I was reading about one of my role models, and I was watching her wield a microphone and speak to thousands of women at a time, and I thought – I don't want to pay the price she is paying. I don't want to get on airplanes all the time; I don't want to be away from my kids like that; I don't want to strive in that way. 

It was the first time I had ever thought anything but BE THE BEST, and it was weird. Was this how I felt or was I just lazy and complacent?  

We moved back from Panama, and soon after, COVID hit, and the world turned upside down.

I became aware of how fragile life is. There was death and tragedy all around, and there was no rhyme or reason, no way to explain or justify it. Things were bad for some people and not for others, not because some people were bad – but because hurt and heartache knocks on all our doors. No one was exempt.

So I started to think, if I'm only here for a certain amount of time, if Guapo is only here for a certain amount of time, if my kids can be taken from me for no reason, I'd better make the most of the time I have with them.
 

This sounds morbid, but it's the truth. None of us are guaranteed a damn thing. In the blink of an eye, our lives could change.
 

Some of you know that Guapo deals with chronic illness, and these illnesses have pushed us to the brink many times. It's not something I share often and wouldn't share details about, but having this as part of our lives has significantly shaped us. It has made me stronger and more able than I ever thought I would have to be.

A few months into COVID, I had a business coach/astrology session, and during it, the coach asked me to envision myself on a stage, speaking to thousands of people. She asked me to imagine what I was wearing, how I felt, what it sounded like. And then she asked me, "How do you feel right now?" And I said, "I have a knot in my stomach." "Is it because you're scared of that moment?" "No," I replied. "But if I'm on stage, my kids are at home without me."
 

This is not to say that my experience is what everyone should or does feel; it's only to say that I feel. 
 

On the one hand, I thought I was supposed to go after the fanciest and most applause-worthy thing, and on the other hand, I didn't want to pay the price for that thing. These were the two different directions, be a mom in the way I want or have a big fancy career.

A month ago, I was at a Christmas party, and I was meeting new friends, and after a bit of conversation, someone said, "You're the most interesting person I've met this year." "Thanks," and my heart swelled. "Thank you." And I started to think about my life.
 

I study what I love (soon, I'll be a marriage and family therapist!), I work with people I love through Bright Light; I am making a difference in people's hearts and within their families and homes. I love my husband; I have two kids I love and enjoy, a space heater for my feet underneath my desk, dark chocolate after the kids go to sleep, breath in my lungs – and sometimes even a fun nail polish color. I spend most of my time doing what I WANT to do, which is a huge blessing. But then… the different directions, no microphone, no arena. Is it a failure, complacency, or a choice?
 

A few weeks after the Christmas party, my family got sick from what we thought was COVID, and I was reminded of how fragile life is – again. It was Guapo's third time with COVID, Alexandra's second time, and Luci's first time. My heart was breaking, and I pleaded for guidance. And as God does, God sent me guidance in the form of Kate Bowler.

Kate Bowler is a professor of divinity at Duke and an author and podcaster. She writes from the perspective of a woman, wife, and mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She has dealt with heartbreak, tragedy, and grief and shares about it in a way that few do. During a podcast, she shared that she made a sign for her husband and son that said, YOU ARE MY BUCKET LIST. She wanted them to know that she loves them and wants to be WITH them.
 

So many times, we hear about bucket lists, and they are about traveling, building businesses, and physical challenges, not usually about relationships. Kate said that it was okay to center your life on people and relationships. What? Was that allowed? That's not fancy or applause-worthy; there's no arena or microphone; that's everyday life.
 

At that moment, the chasm that I felt for the entirety of my motherhood vanished. It's like someone was permitting me to love my home life, to be satisfied with my husband and kids and family.
 

Yes, I thought. This feels right.
 

I cried tears of relief, my shoulders dropped, and I settled into the notion that my life was good and it was okay for me not to want anything else, not to feel like there was a void.
 

I went home and shared it with Guapo. I told about Kate Bowler, and YOU ARE MY BUCKET LIST. And I told him that our life and our home were my bucket list and that I wanted to be with him. My head was lying on the pillow, tears ran sideways, and told him how I always thought that "people" (God knows who these people are because I couldn't name ONE, but PEOPLE) were going to think I chose motherhood as a copout, that I couldn't make it as a fancy applause-worthy person, so instead I focused on being a mom. I don't even remember what he replied because it was such a relief to get that out of my body where it has been rotting and festering. I let it all go.
 

I want our time together to be intentional, to matter. I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I missed it because I was lamenting some imaginary thing I thought I needed to do. What a shame it would be to miss all the blessings in front of me for a belief, for an expectation that I absorbed along the way. Instead, I choose to be present, satisfied, and even proud of my choice.
 

Beliefs are powerful; they can lift us or tear us down. They can make us feel good or make us feel crazy. It's scary to let go of the belief because it feels like a free fall, like," I've done it this way for so long, I can't afford to let it go." Or "what if my belief is true and I fall flat on my face, and people reject me?" "What if I let go of the belief, and I suffer the pain of not belonging?" I know these thoughts and how scary they can be.

For me, the scariest lie my ego tells me is, "What if I am ordinary? What if I am not special?" That one goes to the core for me. And so, letting that go was like letting go of a life vest and trusting that my ego is wrong and my true self can swim.
 

Further, it's like a way of saying, I am enough. My life is enough. What I give is enough. I am not worthy because of what I do; I am worthy because I am.
 

Friend, are you doing something FOR worth, or are you doing it FROM worth? FOR or FROM?

In my work with clients, I often teach from this vantage point. This is a staple in my teaching. And I teach it because I have worked through all sorts of layers of myself, figuring out why I do what I do and letting the unaligned parts slough off. But this one was a new frontier for me.
 

Sometimes these realizations take time and experience. I'm not sure I would have gotten here without a lot of heartaches. There's something so transformative about heartache; it makes you raw, vulnerable and connected. It pushes you to figure out what matters to you and why it matters, and it reminds you that life is precious. Could I have known this at 18 or 25? I don't think so, and that's okay; different lessons were learned then.
 

If you feel like you are being pulled in different directions, you're not alone. If you feel like fancy and applause-worthy things are the way to go for you, go for it; you're not alone. And if you feel like a quiet, patched-together life where you are in yoga pants and reading mushy books to your kids is for you, go for it; you're not alone. There is no one at the finish line handing out worthiness certificates; nothing we can do can MAKE us worthy. No degree, business, relationship, weight, or career can shift us into worthiness. The worthiness comes from the inside; it's the starting point. And good news, you're there. You're worthy because – you are.

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

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Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Monthly Guide

Sign Up Here

Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.

Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.

Shine your brightest,

Thank you, Madonna Badger

Sweet girls,

I have always been goal-oriented. Set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it. I am not a quitter, and so there isn’t much in my life that I have set out to do and not done.

In my 20s, I had exhilarating jobs. I was constantly around famous people, big events, and big revenue. What excited me as a 22-year-old didn’t faze me as a 25-year-old, and what excited me as a 25-year-old was a tiny blip on the screen as a 28-year-old. And that rhythm of constantly raising the excitement bar higher and higher was easy to continue. It felt good and fun!

At Vanessa’s Birthday Party

Skydiving

Rappelling off a 32 story building in downtown Austin

Each goal accomplished was a stepping-stone to a larger goal. I never took time to enjoy the accomplished goal; I just moved on to the next one. But that was okay because something great was always on the horizon. I was never fully present, but it wasn’t a big deal because I was busy, and it was fun.

In my mid 20’s I was regularly challenging my mind and body (running, skydiving, rappelling off buildings, Tough Muddering) , and working in spaces with people who were excellent. I worked at ACL-Live in downtown Austin and would get to be close to artists who were at the tippy top of their industry. Jay-Z, Aretha Franklin, Tim McGraw - it all became commonplace for me. When I say close, I mean — 10 people in the theatre while the artist does sound check — close. The night Aretha sang, she had a black duffle bag on stage. It was her money. She got paid in all cash and she watched her cash the whole show.

But when I became a mom, all the usual ways I felt excitement were no longer available to me. I had left my jobs and was a stay-at-home mom. I worked inside the home, and there was no excitement to be had—anywhere. I was forced to take stock and evaluate my priorities and my lifestyle.

It was an uncomfortable process. There were many days when I felt deep sadness and loss for the person I had been and the life I’d led. I missed being a career woman. I missed being busy. I missed the excitement. I missed creating revenue. I missed earning income.

Early on in motherhood, in late 2014, I stumbled upon an interview. Oprah Winfrey was interviewing Madonna Badger.

Madonna Badger with Oprah - Source The Today Show

Ms. Badger was explaining her story of unimaginable loss. On Christmas Day 2011, her house caught on fire and burned to the ground. Everyone in it died except her and her boyfriend. Inside the house were her three darling children, Grace, Sarah, and Lily and her parents, Lomer and Pauline Johnson.

Ms. Badger was a high-powered executive in New York City, and she talked about how things might have been “if [she] would have known.” If she had known that the big projects and the late nights never really mattered, she would have focused more on her girls. If she had known that she could have bought a farmhouse in Arkansas and lived a simple life on a farm, that it all would have been okay, she would have done that.

My interpretation of her words and story was that the high-powered job is no trade for a safe, beautiful family life. Her story shot like a bullet to my spirit and changed my perspective.

After hearing her story, and her wisdom gained through tragedy, I started to let go of my version of excitement and began to learn how to be present.

Until I started to have a family, being present (literally and figuratively) wasn’t a priority.

And so, my choice from early on was that I would be the best mother and wife I could be and that my career would get the rest. And so, when it comes to my career, I give it all I’ve got—after I’ve given my family all I’ve got.

As a wife and a mom, I’ve learned that to be present is to create a holy space. To be fully aware, to be still and calm, and radiate love and light—this requires constant vigilance of energy: mental, physical, and spiritual.

Do I think I could accomplish more in my career? Yes, I do.

Does it sting a little when I see others advancing? Yes, it does.

Do I think my choice is for everyone? No.

But do I want to trade accomplishing a bigger goal for not being able to be there with and for my family? Not a chance.

I carry Ms. Badger, Sarah, Grace, and Lily, and her parents, Lomer and Pauline, with me in my heart. Their story, their experience informed my life, and yours.

I love you, Mama

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Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Monthly Guide

Sign Up Here

Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.

Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.

Shine your brightest,

Becoming Joyful from the Inside Out | Essential Oils

Parts of 2017 were rough for our family, mainly, Alexandra. In January of 2017 her sister was born, about a month later when I figured out that I couldn’t raise a newborn and also keep Alexandra stimulated during the day, we sent her to “pre-school” a few times a week and a month after that the young lady who helped us around the house and with Alexandra (so she was Alexandra’s best buddy) found another job. It was a lot of transition for Alexandra and she had BIG feelings that manifested in physical outbursts.

I’m talking extreme– she would beat us up. Bad. She hit and kicked and screamed and would get so enraged that I knew she was literally out of her mind. I could see when her senses shut down and she was on rage mode. I felt terrible for her and also for us. We even restored to spanking her which made it all worse. (Want to stop spanking your kids or just want to learn how a toddler's brain works, read - No Drama Discipline). One night it got so out of control and I was so scared and pissed that at midnight I Googled, therapy for kids. I needed help. ASAP.

Around the same time I was starting to get vocal about my Postpartum Depression and my friend reached out to me and she said, these will help you. They WILL make a difference. She was talking about essential oils and I started to pay attention.

Even saying essential oils felt super silly at first, but slowly I started to lean into the science and results and possibilities.

And it all felt overwhelming. There was so much information. I thought, “how do these people have the time for all of this!”

But I knew I needed help getting Alexandra to a good place, and I was going to use all the tools available. So we started therapy and we started essential oils.

When the oils arrived, we called them “magic.”

The very first night I remember opening an oil that my friend said would help my girls sleep through the night (both of them!) and that was huge, since I was nursing and pumping and oh so tired!!  I pulled out “Peace and Calming” rubbed it on the girls' wrists and on their chest and VOILA! They both slept through the night.
 

And so, that was how we started. With sleep.

There are many essential oil companies out there, I am a fan of Young Living. My good friend who introduced me to oils is one of the smartest, most thorough, good hearted people I know. And that’s why I like Young Living, because she vouches for it. That’s plenty for me. She is a wealth of information and encouragement and I love that about my journey with oils. She’s also an attorney and doesn’t need my money to sustain her – and so I know that her recommendations are coming from an honest place – and that makes me feel good too! (Just keeping it real!!)

Back to oils.

I took the plunge for me and for my family and little by little we addressed things like sleep, trauma, jealousy, change, and once we addressed some big emotions, we started addressing our physical health.  We began making our own vitamins with oils, using essential oils to clean the air, our floors, SO MANY THINGS.
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We use oils every single day.

• My husband makes his own vitamins with oils! (Lemon, Black Pepper, Cinammon, Ledum, Thieves, Oregano, DiGize, GLF, Grapefruit, Peppermint)

• I use Loyalty oil as a perfume. I say a little mantra, be loyal to your truth, and I go on my way.

• If I’m having a stressful day, I swipe on Present Time Oil, it helps me stay in the present and just breathe.

• Alexandra uses a special blend of oils, GeneYus, to help her focus at school.

• During the day I use Lemon Essential Oil for my water.

• During the day I run the diffusers with Thieves and Cinnamon to clean the air in our house. Sometimes I even use Orange and Tangerine. Yum!

• I use an essential oil blend (SARA- helps with trauma , Release- to help let go of it all, and Sacred Mountain -Sacred Mountain promotes feelings of safety and knowing the world will always take care of you)  and make a linen spray. I spray this on our beds before we go to sleep.

• I keep an essential oil room spray (Pine and Thieves) in our guest bathroom.

• Before a big work event like a keynote or even my TEDx talk, I lather myself in Present Time (to keep me in the moment) and Valor (to give me courage to shine!)

I keep a bag of oils by my bedside that I swipe on my feet and wrists and neck each night. Oils that are meant to help calm my brain and get me to a place of peace. Some of them are: Rose, Release, Geranium, Sacred Frankincense, Inner Child, Joy and Gratitude. They are crucial to my sleep.

• At night I make my own mix of oils, depending on the girls' behavior and what’s going on in our lives, and run the girls’ diffusers. Sometimes Alexandra and Luciana need more emotional support (Peace and Calming, White Angelica) and sometimes they need help with head colds (Thieves, Lavender, Lemon and Peppermint)– it all depends!

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I just keep learning and we keep using them and we have seen incredible results.

We’re almost 2 year into oils and I LOVE them.

Oils are the first thing I turn to for a bug bite, a rash, fragrance, emotional support (they have helped me with my PPD, weaning off of Zoloft, when I’m pissed, when I’m scared and when I’m trying to raise my vibration) immune system support, and even for cooking!
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Let’s talk some more science.

In my TEDx talk,Choose Joy or Die,I talk about how if we are not consciously choosing joy, we are dying.

See how Joy is near the top and shame is near the bottom?

This chart depicts frequencies, vibrations. Good vibes vs. bad vibes. 

Here's a crash course on frequencies (taken from Oily Por Vida)
 
✔ Every cell in your body, every single living thing, has a vibrational frequency. When we consume things that have frequency (such as plants which are living things), we can increase our body's frequency, which will increase our health.
 
✔ Healthy human body frequency: 62+ MHz.
 
✔ Illness starts at 57-60 MHz.
 
✔ Our bodies are receptive to cancer at 42 MHz
 
✔ Death begins at 25 MHz.
 
✔ Essentail oils have frequencies as well, which can raise our bodies’ frequency. They range from 52-580 MHz.
 
✔ One of the most important modalities of essential oils is their ability to raise our body’s frequency to a level where disease cannot exist.
 
✔ Processed food: 0 MHz, meaning it does nothing positive for your health.
 
✔ Raw, real food (things that are alive) are the only foods that will raise your frequency.
 
✔ The essential oils with the highest frequencies are Idaho Blue Spruce (580 MHz), Rose (320 MHz), Helichrysum (181 MHz), and frankincense (147 MHz).
 
✔ Coffee: Even holding a cup of coffee can lower your body frequency by 8 MHz (yikes!) Taking a sip lowers it by 14 MHz. BUT! Listen to this: When essential oils are inhaled following exposure to coffee, the bodily frequencies restore themselves in less than a minute. But if no oils are administered, it can take up to 3 days for the body to recover from even one drink of coffee. How crazy is that?
 
✔ Negative thoughts decrease our frequency by up to 12 MHz.
 
✔ A positive thought can increase our frequency by 10 MHz.
 
✔Prayer/meditation increase our frequency by 15 MHz.
 
We can makes choices to raise our vibrations! I think that's great news. :) 

When I learned about this research, I really went into high gear with essential oils.

By raising our vibration with our food, positive thoughts, prayer, laughter, dancing, and even with essential oils, we are choosing joy. We are ascending. We are living a life of joy and vitality! And we all deserve to live lives full of joy. 

If you’d like to get started with essential oils, send me an email (catia@catiaholm.com) and I’ll point you in the right direction.

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

Shine your brightest,

Help for Post Partum Depression (and the like)

I have had postpartum depression … twice. And so have A LOT of your friends and family.

When you’re a first time mom, the postpartum experience is new – and since it’s your first time around – it’s not easy to figure out what’s normal and what isn’t.

During my first pregnancy I was aware of the postpartum depression possibility so I guarded against it. I encapsulated my placenta, I worked out, I went to therapy, and still – the bottom fell out from under me. Only I didn’t know it – and not knowing that you are in the midst of postpartum disorders is the most dangerous.

One day, when my first born was about 4 months old, I noticed that I felt really good. I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders – and over the next few weeks, the puzzle pieces fell into place and I knew I had been depressed and anxious.

Here’s what my first go with postpartum disorders felt like:

• Having thoughts of my baby getting hurt or dying A LOT.

• Extreme jealousy and irrational behavior.

  • Fear that my husband would find a better woman.

• Not connecting with my child.

  • I tended to her needs and no one could tell I wasn’t truly connecting – but I knew.

• Resentment of my new life.

  • I wanted a baby, and had one, but then I was kind of pissed that my life had changed so much. Where had my life gone? Where had my freedom gone?

So then, with my second baby, I was ready. I knew what to look out for. My husband and I were ready!

With my second baby I had a traumatic birth (I lost 50% of my blood and had to have blood transfusions) so my OB was on high alert for me having Post-traumatic stress disorder, but after a few checkups, she deemed me fine.

The first several months of my second baby’s life were a dream. I was in love with her, I was connecting with her, I had help around the house, and my husband was helping a ton – ALL GOOD!

But then around month four – things started to get weird. I started to have major anxiety and my fuse became shorter and shorter. And around month five, my girlfriend Alexis at Birth 360, posted an article about late onset postpartum depression – and I read it – and it all clicked.

Dang it! It happened again!

I immediately called my doctor and made an appointment.

Here’s what postpartum depression felt like the second time around:

• Having thoughts of my children getting hurt or dying – A LOT.

• A general sense of fear of not having enough (money, food, time, etc.)

• A short fuse, zero patience.

• Anger toward everyone. Suppressed rage.

• Feeling like someone had a boot on my neck.

• Feeling helpless to affect change in my work life.

• Irrational thoughts

Here’s a quick example of irrational thoughts:

My husband and I were out of town visiting family. We were staying in a quiet farm town, at least 30 minutes from a grocery store. One morning he cooked our oldest daughter breakfast — eggs and hotdogs. He also precooked hotdogs for the rest of the day – so that she would have something ready to go if she got hungry.

I asked him if he had had his fill of hotdogs, and he said yes. Then I said, “Okay, I’m going to eat the rest of these hotdogs with my breakfast.” I too wanted eggs and hotdogs. And he said, “Why don’t you have the chicken (there was cooked chicken breast) so that she can have the hotdogs later?”

And I got PISSED.

Thoughts started swirling in my mind. He doesn’t think I deserve hotdogs? Am I not worth hotdogs? I should be able to eat the hotdogs if I want. Am I not worth the $8 worth of hotdogs? And on and on.

I jumped in the shower and began to weep.

Guys, my husband and I have a strong relationship. He loves me and I love him, deeply. We have been through life together and still, we pull closer together. The sky is blue, and my husband loves me — I KNOW these things. And I knew intellectually that he would want me to have the hot dogs if that’s what I wanted – but my brain was spinning OUT OF CONTROL.

And when I told my OB/GYN the hotdog story – she said, “I’m glad you’re here for help.”

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Useful questions for help for postpartum depression: 

I recommend you ask yourself or have a person you trust ask.

• Are you having fears you didn’t used to have? What are they?

• Are you angry your life has changed?

• Are you having thoughts that your baby is going to die?

• Are you frustrated throughout the day? What sparks the frustration?

• Do you feel inadequate?

• Do you feel supported?

• Do you feel like you can be honest about your feelings with those around you?

• Has your libido changed? How?

• If you have children, how do you feel toward them? Same as before baby? More connected, less connected?

• If you are married or in a relationship – how do you feel toward your spouse/partner? Has it changed since post baby? Describe.

These are BIG questions and they only work if you commit to being honest.

The thing I’ve heard most from women about postpartum disorders is that they are ashamed. I am here to tell you – there is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a hormonal issues – not an issue of ability or will power.

You can ask for help from your OB/GYN, your child’s pediatrician, a counselor or your girlfriends, community and family. Some women feel better after talking about it with friends or a therapist. Some women need medication (me!) And some women need a combo of things.

We are all with you and for you.

Childbirth brings on so many changes, good and bad and messy ones. But the point of it all is to ENJOY your new baby and your new family. Get the help you need, you deserve to feel good!

Other resources:

PPD Moms

Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas

Postpartum Progress

—

This post was originally written for and featured on Austin Moms Blog

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here



Raising my daughters to honor their voice, from a sexual assault survivor.

A few years ago I read an article titled, Reminder: She Doesn’t Owe Anyone a Hug. Not Even at the Holidays.

““The notion of consent may seem very grown-up and like something that doesn’t pertain to children,” says Girl Scouts’ developmental psychologist Dr. Andrea Bastiani Archibald, “but the lessons girls learn when they’re young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected last a lifetime, and can influence how she feels about herself and her body as she gets older.”

I resonated with the article and I immediately started to give our daughter’s voice (Alexandra was an only child at the time) power and weight.  And since I read that article, her dad and I have focused on teaching her how to honor her body, to have dominion over it, to treat it with care and respect.

This year, she started Pre-K 4. Wowzers! This is our first year to experience a full school experience. You know what I mean, parents? Drop off is at 8am, pick up is at 1pm, Monday-Friday. There’s folders and checklists and forms and meetings -- it has really thrown a wrench in our coffee drinking!

Last week we were getting ready for school, the house was moving at 90 miles per hour, we were running late, so I hustled to her bathroom and grabbed her long, curly hair to loop it into a ponytail, and turned to me, raised her voice and firmly told me, “MY HAIR, MY BODY. You didn’t have permission.”

—

I was born in 1983, and finally at 35 with the help of therapists, God, personal growth and community, I have started to stand tall in the notion that my body is my body.

Laura Morsman Photography

Becoming a mom -- the pregnancy, the post-partum depression, the cracking open of my heart and body, the evolving and changing – peeled back my protective layers. It exposed every raw nerve ending I had surrounding body image and worth. And by the grace of God, I knew that I was being presented with the opportunity to heal festering wounds and broken belief systems.

—

The first time someone groped me, I was in the 3rd grade. I was 8.

Me, at 8 years old.

We were in the school hallway standing in front of our homeroom and one of my classmates reached out and grabbed my 8 year old boobs with his hands.

I was wearing a blue polo shirt (my parents used to dress me in shirts that would tone down my curves) and long denim shorts. My cheeks still flushed from recess.

I still remember his face and the way his straight black hair framed it.

I still remember the confusion.

I still remember the embarrassment.  

Do I think my classmate was evil? No.

Do I think he knew what he was doing? No.

Do I think he should have known better? Yes.

It sucked.

I went home and told my parents. They were mortified, and my dad told me to punch anyone who ever did that again.

That was the start of it. 3rd grade. 8 years old.

Between the age of 8 and 28 I was groped who knows how many times, sexually assaulted twice, one of those times I was raped.  

--

Becoming a mother to now two young girls has shined a light on all sorts of things, like:

• I am always aware of the men around me, how they are acting and what they are doing, and I’m always aware of how I am dressed. What people will think of me when I wear _______________? What message am I sending? Isn’t that sad? I know that’s the way of the world, and I know that’s the way it’s always been, but my goodness, does it always have to be that way?

• I’m not even sure I know how to make choices without taking the “man factor” into account.

• My heart races because somewhere along the way people planted seeds of “it’s not that bad,” or “it’s no big deal,” or “he isn’t hurting anyone.”

• As a woman society taught me to give and serve and be hospitable -- to cushion the blow for everyone else, especially the men. Sometimes I feel like I should just absorb the discomfort of harassment/indecency/bad taste -- for the sake of the relationship, situation, party, moment, etc.

• I remember going on dates and ending up in the same room with the guy after and feeling like I owed it to him – I owed him sex, I owed him my body. And for the record, he may not have thought that I did – but we were too young and ignorant to have any language for it. What a terribly low bar. Food? A meal? In exchange for my body? My spirit? The space that it would take in my heart forever? Pitiful.

 —

So when Alexandra said, “MY HAIR, MY BODY. You didn’t have permission.”

My immediate thoughts were:

• Use your mom card, YOU ARE HER MOM.

• Override her.

• It’s time to go to school!

• No time for preferences in the morning.

BUT I took some time and thought, If I override her voice now, it will be that much harder for her to keep centered and strong in her convictions.

As her mother, I will always have some authority over her, AND so will a lot of other people, and I NEVER want her to think, their opinion or preferences matter more than mine.

Because, that’s what a lot of this boils down to, right? What you want, matters more than what I want. And that’s bullshit. What I want should matter.

In regard to healthy relationships (not any form of abuse)…

We are bigger and better and smarter than thinking only one person can get their way. There’s always talking, there’s always a widening of perspective, there’s always letting go, there’s always space for discovery and possibility. There’s always opportunity for someone to speak up about who they are and what they want. There’s always time to hear someone and honor them. There’s always time to be heard and be honored.

I want our mother/daughter relationship to be a model for her relationships going forward.

What does a loving, caring, solid relationship look like? What does it feel like? How do two people dance it out? How do two people cheer each other on? How do people in relationship walk through disagreements? How does someone lead with honor? What does it feel like when someone wants the best for me and the best for themselves?

--

Alexandra: “MY HAIR, MY BODY. You didn’t have permission.”

Me: “You are absolutely right, Alexandra. I did not have permission. Since we are going to school, would it be okay if I put your hair in a ponytail?”

Alexandra: “Okay, you can give me a pony tail. But, remember, mama, MY HAIR, MY BODY.”

Me: “Yes it is, sweetheart. Next time I’ll ask permission.”

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here



The Courage to Become | Eva Sheie Kiser

Thanksgiving 2016. Just as my dad was about to say grace before Thanksgiving dinner, my sister’s baby girl Amelia threw her head back and smashed my sister’s lip with her head. My sister left the table with a fat, bloody lip. Later she told me she was really sad because she felt so alone in that moment knowing that neither I or our younger brother Rob would ever understand what it was like to have children.

My sister Maia, Amelia (the head-butter), me, and our mom Mary after Thanksgiving in 2016. Look closely and you can see Maia’s fat lip.

I was 40 then, flying every other week from Austin to work in Seattle. Having finally landed the best job of my life, my husband and I were traveling whenever and doing pretty much whatever we wanted to do. It probably looked like we had finally “made it.” But it felt really empty.

 If it’s ok to have a favorite member of the Trinity, I’d like to admit I am a big fan of the Holy Spirit. In my life I have heard both the still, small voice and the yelling, sign-waving, dancing-banana-on-the-street-corner sign of the Spirit. All I can tell you is that in order to hear that voice, you first have to listen.

 Sometimes my life choices were pretty kooky. I like to joke that the Spirit even tricked me a few times, starting in the middle of my senior year of college by calling me to apply to grad school in Texas by reconnecting me with a long-lost teenage music camp crush in Houston. My (I still think this was genius) plan was to get my parents to buy me a plane ticket to Houston to visit Rice University and see if it was an option for graduate school, then I’d meet up with the old flame from camp.  

 As I plotted and schemed, my heart changed and I found myself really caring about getting into Rice and not so much about the boy. And then somehow I got into Rice, and that was a miracle too because I showed up to audition for the viola program on the wrong date and they weren’t expecting me. The elusive professor Martha Katz just happened to be in her studio with nothing to do at the time I arrived. I played for her that afternoon, and she recommended me to the legendary Karen Ritscher, who accepted me sight unseen on Martha’s word.

I arrived in Houston on the 4th of July in 1998, with $800 in the bank and whatever I could fit in the car. My nine years in Houston were spent first in school, then scraping a living together with gigs, teaching viola lessons, and eventually a part-time job in medical marketing. The rest of my time was devoted to drinking and related activities where drinking was involved. During this time, I strayed a long way from who I was called to be, struggling through many dark experiences and destructive relationships.

I’d feel guilty and drag myself to Lutheran church a few times each year, but didn’t emerge from the drunken fog until I got hired for a gig with the praise band at River Pointe Church in Sugar Land. I would drive away after the gig laughing to myself and judging the people waving their arms during worship. It became a regular gig that I kept for years, and for the first time I was in a place where the Bible was the singular focus, not the traditions, the liturgy, the hymns, the choir, or my family legacy. It was here that my heart was changed and I finally understood that Jesus was calling me back home. He just had to trick me into getting there by paying me to do a regular gig.

I could feel a sea change coming. I felt antsy or nervous like I was waiting for lightning to strike. But I kept saying, I’m listening. Show me where you want me to go, even if it’s crazy.

 In the summer of 2006, a very close friend got married in Wisconsin, so I flew up for the wedding. I met the bride’s cousin there, which developed into a long distance relationship. He was a professional musician in Seattle, he promised could get me hooked up with the good gigs if I moved up there, he had the whole family background thing going and pursued me relentlessly.  

Eventually I dismantled my life in Houston, got rid of almost everything I owned and packed what was left into my car.  He flew down to help me drive, and I sobbed as we left Houston on a stunning and bright Texas morning in February 2007.  When we reached El Paso it was snowing sideways and I had come down with a fever and a nasty cold. He and I had never lived in the same place, so I had no idea until that day how he’d treat me when I was sick, and it was not good.

Looking out of a port-a-potty at the Grand Canyon during the move from Houston to Seattle. I look happy in this moment, but I was overwhelmed with grief for the life I left behind me. See how puffy my eyes are? I didn’t even take any photos of the Grand Canyon.

By the time we reached Salt Lake City on the third day, I was wearing headphones inside the car so I wouldn’t have interact with him. Once I got to Seattle, I had to stay at his home for a while and it was just miserable. I needed to find a place to live immediately, and again, a miracle happened. I found a 2-bedroom apartment on Alki Beach with a direct view of the water and picked up the job as the building manager, so my rent was only $650/month. When I tell Seattleites that story today, their jaws always hit the floor.  You can’t rent a closet for $650 today.

The view from my Seattle apartment included a miniature Statue of Liberty. I lived about 50 yards from this spot. Here I learned that having a beautiful view or living in a cool neighborhood doesn’t make you happy. My feet were always cold and there were only 36 days of sunshine the first year I lived here.

That relationship fell apart within weeks. I was so flat broke from moving, I didn’t even have anything to sit on in my apartment. I was quite unhappy to find out that the beach was sleepy and quiet unless the weather was nice, and people weren’t generally outgoing or friendly. The “Seattle Chill” is real and doesn’t do any favors for introverts who are prone to seasonal depression. I just wanted to move home to Houston. I was so ashamed and embarrassed by my mistake that I lost my sense of self-worth.  

That pull to go to Seattle had been so strong over the previous year that I never questioned it. I ignored every red flag in that bad relationship along the way.  I had been so excited to start this new adventure, but instead my entire plan fell apart. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I asked, why did you bring me here, God? It didn’t feel like courage, it felt a lot more like foolishness.  

I started practicing viola again and won some orchestra gigs. I worked hard to make friends and connect with people, but it wasn’t easy. I changed day jobs and took a big leap forward in my marketing career.

My favorite place on earth, looking out over Lake Travis near Spicewood.

In July, I went back to Houston to see friends and took a road trip up to Lake Travis with one of my longtime BFF’s Andrea. We rested, read books, hung out in the pool, and it felt good to be home. She made me pick myself up off the floor and forced me to reactivate my match.com account. I determined that my profile was much too interesting and deleted about 80% of it, leaving a description that essentially said “I like to go fishing and have fun.”

It was crickets for months, I got no messages. Eventually one guy wrote me a message about fishing. I didn’t see anything too exciting about his profile, but I also had no friends and nothing else going on, so I went with it. We talked on the phone a lot, and had some great conversations. He was a teacher, and I was raised by teachers so it felt normal. I made a lot of interesting excuses not to meet up, but it got to the point where it was weird not to so I generously offered to show up at 9pm on a Tuesday night after beach volleyball. I arrived at Applebee’s covered in sand and sweat with no makeup on, because that’s how much I cared about this first date. It was awkward and uncomfortable, so we went our separate ways and I thought, “I’ll never see that guy again.”

The location of our first date, a really classy joint with American cuisine that wasn’t too inconvenient on the way home from indoor beach volleyball.

By the end of that week I could not shake the feeling that I had really screwed that up, so I called him. We kept talking, and saw each other again. I asked him, “why do you keep calling me?” He told me to call him when I felt like talking.

It grew slowly from there. It wasn’t “perfect on paper” the way I had sized up and assessed every date I had ever been on before. He wasn’t Lutheran or tall or Norwegian. I swore I wouldn’t date divorced guys or guys with kids. I still smoked cigarettes back then and he swore he’d never date a smoker, and somehow he looked past it. I had no friends in Seattle and no money and not much else to offer. But it was in that deep darkness that the light started to shine.

Woodroe knew the bible. We could talk for hours and he never bored me. He loved his daughter mightily and his family was his primary social circle. He was thoughtful and kind to me. He had gone to college in Texas and wasn’t opposed to moving back someday. I was able to take him everywhere in my world, he’d go to orchestra concerts and to art exhibits, to dive bars and to upscale restaurants. He just fit and it was so easy.

Our first Seahawks game, where I realized I would have to become a Seahawks fan and move the Texans and Vikings to secondary positions in my heart.

We got married a year later and lived in North Bend, Washington until we moved back to Texas in 2013. Life in Washington was hard, we were house poor and depressed and I always knew in my heart that I wanted to be back in Texas. North Bend is a dark place 30 miles east of Seattle where the rain clouds get stuck against the mountains, where Twin Peaks was filmed and bizarre things happen in the woods. Our seven years living in the “Bermuda Triangle of Washington” were filled with many more challenges, blessings and victories, and is another blog post for another time.

It took courage to leave that life behind too. But Texas had my heart, and when my husband’s school permanently closed, the door swung wide open for us to make the move.

I had already moved across the country twice before, so I knew that all we had to do was get in the car and go.

 In September 2017, we were blessed by the greatest joy of my life, our baby girl Kari. Her name (you know, like the babysitter’s name in The Incredibles) means “pure in spirit.”  Seven months later, my brother and his girlfriend welcomed their baby boy, proving my sister’s Thanksgiving prediction wrong again.

My two great loves, Woodroe and Kari.

Only now in hindsight can I see how much courage it took to make these moves and what God’s marvelous plan was.  

Courage starts with hope. You cannot hear if you don’t listen, and it’s in that place between hope and action that courage lives and propels us forward. It wasn’t about the courage I needed to become a wife or a mother. It was about finding the courage to listen to the Holy Spirit and having the faith to move forward even when the moves looked risky or crazy.

 It is as simple as saying, “I’m listening.”  

Essay by: Eva Sheie Kiser

To read more about Eva and stay in touch, click here.

---

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here



The Courage to Become | Aseky Bonnaire

“Everything happens for a reason”-says everyone when something unfortunate or inconvenient happens.

My name Is Aseky Bonnaire and I live for that quote. I’m a millennial mom raising three boys in Sunny Orlando Florida. I’m married to my high school sweet heart, and childhood crush. I like to think I have it all figured out, but I don’t, nor will I ever, but let a girl think she does haha. I guess I should go into depth more about myself. I met my husband when I was 11 years old and had THE biggest crush on him. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. We dated from sophomore year all throughout High School. We did homecoming dances, prom, graduation, the whole 9 yards.

After high school we both went to the local State College. After the first semester flew by, I decided, I love this college thing and I don’t want a baby to interrupt anything. I went to my OB to get a script for birth control, and that’s where I found out I was pregnant. Literally at that moment, it felt like my entire world caved in on me. I was just going to be another teen mom. I was going to live a hard life, I was never going to be able to be on my own 2 feet, and I would have to rely on my mom forever. After our family found out and all the initial shock went away, we actually got really excited to be bringing in a life into this world. Renaldo Jr (RJ) was brought into this world October 23, 2012. We were young, and didn’t know what the heck we were doing, but we knew we had each other and we wanted the best life possible for him. Throughout my entire pregnancy I stayed in school, and even a week after delivering I was going in to take mandatory tests. Renaldo (my boyfriend at the time, now husband) landed a good job, making decent money (for a 20 year old) in customer service (he still works there BTW).

We moved out of my Mom’s house when RJ was 7 months old. We moved into a townhouse 100% on our own. We saved up as much as we could from Renaldo working 5 days a week, 50+ hours, all while I was in school full time. We felt like ‘we made it’. I don’t know if you remember how it felt when you first moved out on your own, whether it was college, or when you got married, but it’s an indescribable feeling. Shortly after moving I got my first “big girl” job at the hospital working in finance. Because of that job, I took a break on school, but also because of that job, we could afford more things outside of bills. When RJ was 11 months old, Renaldo bought me an engagement ring and asked me to be his wife.  For the next 12 months we planned our dream wedding, I switched departments at work so I could be home more, bought our first brand new car and went on a bachelorette/ bachelor cruise. Our wedding came and it wasn’t short of perfect. All of our childhood best friends were there, and it was just a great time with great people.

Shortly after our honeymoon we got pregnant with our 2nd son. My husband got promoted (this was his 4th promotion within the 3 years) but It was that pregnancy that I found my love for blogging, and connecting with other women via Instagram. That’s when I discovered the power of a hashtag LOL! Good pregnancy overall. He was born June 17, 2015. We brought him home to our little 2 bedroom townhouse. We knew we wanted to move into something bigger, but never thought we would be able to buy a house. Come on, we were only 22/23 years old. While on maternity leave, I got bored and saw an ad that went something like “you can have a mortgage as low as your rent!” so I called that number, one thing lead to another, obstacle after obstacle, few months went by, and we became homeowners. Shortly after becoming homeowners, I got pregnant with our third (totally not planned, I was breastfeeding. So FYI Breastfeeding IS NOT BIRTHCONTROL. It doesn’t work. Joel is proof haha) but he’s such a blessing and the perfect addition to our family. We literally brought him into the world in that home (no, seriously, I delivered him at home with no one but my husband and kids present). And now we are currently renovating the house from the floor up.

Not only were we home owners, we became homeowners at 22 and 23 year olds, with 2 kids, in the city where we both grew up, completely on our own, and not living up to the stereotype people categorized us in. There is such a negative stigma with being a teen mom. People automatically assume you’re going to live a hard and tough life. While YES, it was hard having a kid at 19, yes there were times we had no clue how we were going to put gas until the next paycheck, but did it stop us, NO! I feel that so many young moms and teen moms automatically categorize themselves and determine their future before they even give themselves a shot at anything.

Having a super supportive (emotionally and financially) partner plays a HUGE role in all of this. Renaldo and I are a team. We’re in this together. We grew up and matured together, and at the same pace, so we were always on the same page when it came to goals that we wanted to achieve. Buying a house is definitely not my ‘I made it’ moment, nor will it come from anything materialistic.  

My ‘I made it’ moment came in motherhood. Because RJ, my husband worked for that amazing job he has. Because of RJ, I found my purpose. I know that being home with my kids is where my heart found a home. When I had no friends (because all my friends are normal, and have kids at a regular age) I found comfort in the community of the women of the blogging, and social media world. Making connections with other moms from all walks of life, different backgrounds, all ages, is where I found my niche. Blogging and sharing my life with other teen moms is where I found sense of belonging.

It’s amazing when something is for you, it just falls into place. When I told my husband I wanted to get back into blogging, literally opportunity after opportunity rolled in. It’s like God patted me on my back, placed the right words in my heart, and whispered, “This is for you. Share your life, share your experiences, be a light where someone is in darkness. You got this boo!”.

I know this was a lot to read, but a girl got a lot to share!  I’m so thankful for crossing paths with Catia, and being able to share my story with you all! Thanks for reading and remember; whether you’re a teen mom or not, everything happens for a reason. What may feel like the end of the world is potentially a blessing in disguise.  

I call this, Becoming: Not another stereotyped teen mom.

---

Be sure to keep up with Aseky on her web site, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter

---

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Dani Adams-Barry

I was lost.  I mean, "Oh no, I missed my exit three states ago" lost.  I fumbled through the archives of my brain seeking the moment I had misplaced the road map in an attempt to pick back up where I left off.  However, this was not to be.  I found myself crammed in the middle of a traffic jam on the highway of life.

I have always had the drive to accomplish my most intimidating goals.  Even as a mother, I still embody this trait.  However, I had not foreseen how my goals would shift once my babies arrived.  As I frantically fought my way down the highway of life with every other individual jammed in the traffic to success, I did not see that my exit was coming up. 

You may wonder what on earth I was doing.  As an individual who wanted to have a family, I could hardly bare the anticipation of starting one.  However, I ignored the reality that once your children are born, your priorities change.  I believe all parents get a taste of this when a baby arrives.  It's no longer about us.  Your children are your world.

I had these beautiful babies that I could not bear to leave in a daycare all day.  They are my children.  I wanted to experience every milestone, every laugh, cry and booger.  So, I turned all my life goals upside down to be with them.  I ditched medical school as it required me to be in a hospital more than I would see my children and  instead, I found an adequate job that allowed me to stay at home with them.

I never missed a moment and it was glorious!  However, seeing that I had given up a career I truly enjoyed for one less invigorating became a struggle.  As the years went by, I would scroll the pages of my old University wondering whether I should return part time and complete what I started. 

Envisioning my medical career was easy.  The process and TIME needed to complete it was a different story.  Had I continued my education, the time I would have for children would be next to none.  This was not a position I wanted to be in.  True - the money for that career path would be substantially rewarding.  But no amount of money can make up for the time with my children.  Those are moments I will never get back and are priceless.

So I made the decision to let it go.  I let go of my aspirations to complete my medical career so that I had time to spend with my beautiful babies.  This decision was bitter sweet.  As I abandoned the career path I once truly longed for I continued to seek a way to be successful doing something I love.  Prospects dwindled as my work experience reflected a medical background and I became despondent. 

What did I want to do with my life?! 

Then, one day.  An Ah-ha moment slapped me across the face.  What do I love more than anything?  What did I want to do for the rest of my life that would fulfill my need for success?  It was so simple. 

I was a mom, I love being a mom -- and what better way than to truly feed my passion and enliven my life than spread mom love? Sharing knowledge based on this wild ride we call Motherhood is a passion of mine.   It was then that I had the courage to become a Mompreneur. 

There is such a stigma when the term entrepreneur arises in casual conversation.  I won't lie. I was one of those individuals who believed this term was representative of a devious salesman or a freeloader.   I had not seen that this idea of branching out and taking the leap into a world of unknown was truly for the determined, driven and tenacious. 

If you are going to make it as an entrepreneur, you must have the skills, confidence and will to succeed.  Without these components, it's all for not.  Coming to this conclusion was intimidating.  You're putting yourself out there in hopes to make it or break it. 

The more research I did, the more empowered I felt that this was the right decision for me.  I had the courage to become a successful Mompreneur among the community of other strong, unyielding Mom Entrepreneurs of the world.   I ignored the concerned sighs, disapproving glances and dissuading opinions of those around me and went for it. 

Starting my web site was a huge leap - it was terrifying, and exhilarating.  Although I had no idea what I was doing, I accepted the risk and just dove in.  Seizing the moment and finally having the courage to take on this adventure and become a Mompreneur.  In a career path that encompasses topics that I am eager to dive into, I find myself only longing for more knowledge to further develop my business. 

My motto is, "Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward."  With that in mind, I see every mistake and mishap as a lesson.  We are parents, not perfectionists.  There are days when I realize I have not brushed my teeth all day, for I have been immersed in the métier of motherhood.   You know what? I'm totally OK with that.  

I have high hopes for what lies ahead.  I am ecstatic to have had the opportunity to meet such inspiring mothers and individuals in this line of work and look forward to acquainting others. 

For those of you parenting pioneers that have a light inside you want to shine through, my advice is this.  Don’t hold back.  If you discover something you are truly passionate about, seize it.  Do everything in your power to make your light shine. Continuously seek knowledge and insight.  There is so much to learn every day. 

It's crazy hard work. But, I love every bit of it and you will too.

Essay by: Dani Adams-Barry

You can connect with Dani on Facebook, Instagram or at Dani Adams Barry Photography

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here



The Courage to Become | Anastasia Rodriguez Perez

Hope for Becoming a Virtual Entrepreneur ||

I always wanted to own my own business and “be the boss”. As a teacher, this prospect felt quite distant. In my sixth year of teaching, however, all of that changed. I was going to be a mom for the first time that summer and needed to figure out childcare in a town where we had no family. Maybe I’d work from home. How hard could that be?

I’m a techie at heart with a background in design and found myself making a critical decision with my husband when we started having kids. After teaching math for six years, I was going to stay home with my little man.

That’s when I started leaning back on my passion and my design degree. I studied architecture design at MIT and soon after completed a masters program focusing on instructional technology. Little did I know that what started as a few graphics and an Etsy shop would eventually connect me with a local parenting blog when I moved back to the Rio Grande Valley as a parent of two.

I have always leaned towards finding my place in the world by trying to help others and do something that matters. Along the way, when I have struggled with “what I’m doing with my life”, it almost always boiled down to the fact that what I was doing just wasn’t that important.

Teaching and being a mom matter. That’s a no brainer. Teaching fired me up and got me going every day thinking about how many kids I could convince that math was cool.

But what else could matter as much?

A Budding Entrepreneur

Getting started as a graphic designer once I had a newborn meant jumping at every opportunity to create and really selling myself short most of the time. I believed in myself but wasn’t sure others would. Looking back now, there were times when I absolutely worked for free, barely covering my expenses. This is what so many graphic designers do, especially since it’s such a saturated market. I yearned to create and this was filling my need to work and contribute to my family.

Now I know the value of my work, and I know the value of my time. Having kids means learning a new way of life and wondering where all the time has gone. Raising kids means making choices about how to spend time with them and balance work as well.

Sales were important, but something that used to make me squeamish. I have found now that when it’s tied in to something I believe in and am passionate about, my heart is all in. It has been scary to put myself out there and market what I do – graphic design and now blogging and running the RGV Moms Blog.

ARG Photographs

Taking Myself Seriously

Working from home has meant a constant struggle and exploration with boundaries. Where in the house should I work? First it was a little corner closet where I would try and work really early in the morning and then late at night. Ideally the kids would be sleeping. This wasn’t always the case. Mostly they all napped at different times and woke up throughout the night for years.

Then I moved into the kitchen so I could watch and interact with the kids while hoping to sneak in a few minutes of editing here and creating there. That was a bust.

So I bought a cute little desk and claimed a corner of the living room. This was a huge step in the right direction but that, too, did not last. By this time I had my third son, born before my oldest turned three.  Now working from home meant leaning more and more on my husband, my mother, and my mother-in-law to help watch and play with the kids so I could steal a couple of hours of work here and there to fill orders and manage the blog. It really does take a village.

Finally a Blogging Mom

I started blogging with my first born, just so my family could see pictures and hear funny stories. Secretly I dreamed about having readers that sought out my stories and couldn’t wait to read what I was going to post next. So when my friend asked if I’d join her moms blog in early 2014 I couldn’t think of a better hobby.

The hobby quickly became much more than that. I still remember my husband asking me beforehand how involved I was going to be. He knew me too well. I don’t just sit on the bench. I was all in. First a contributor, then an editor, then I partnered up with my friend to be co-owner of the blog and help manage every aspect of it.

Our moms blog is a great platform for reaching local moms. I feel like we have a tremendous opportunity and also a great responsibility to connect moms and really develop community. This is something that matters. This blog is important and it is serving a greater sphere than just my own.

The WAHM Reality

In my mind, working from home was going to be quite romantic. We’d craft all day long and read books every hour on the hour. We do read lots of books, so there was some truth there. They’d patiently wait while I took a business call and they’d understand when I had to work on a graphic for half an hour. We’d work in tandem, all of us. Me and my boys.

Instead my house is noisy, chaotic, pretty much always littered with toys and play things, and I love it. Sure, I wish I could keep it all clean and that they could do the same.

I also work on shutting off work for dedicated family time. This has been one of my biggest hurdles. It’s hard, y’all. I think everyone can relate to the struggle with electronics invading our lives. When every single aspect of your work is tied to your phone and computer, it is even harder to unplug. It also looks like I’m doing nothing to most people, so that’s another thing.

I shied away from talking about my work for so long and worried family and friends just wouldn’t understand or give it value. It isn’t a career that fits in a neatly packaged box. I now feel courage to embrace what I do and talk anyone’s ear off about it if they are willing to listen. I love that I have been afforded a chance to raise my kids and carve time out of every day to manage my virtual entrepreneurship.

I hope that any woman considering a similar path knows that it take commitment. It takes a village. But it also takes belief in yourself and many, many cups of coffee for late nights and early mornings, and it is all very much worth it.

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Doesn't Anastasia's story leave you wanting more! Me too!! When we teased Anastasia's blog last week, she received a virtual standing ovation from the internet - it was heart warming to see. She has obviously touched so many lives - I am honored she lent her story to our Sister Stories of Hope. 

You can connect with Anasatsia here:

RGV Moms Blog - 

WEBSITE  ||  FACEBOOK  ||  TWITTER  ||  INSTAGRAM  ||  PINTEREST

Pink Texas Designs - 

FACEBOOK || ETSY

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Adrienne Hodge

The Courage to Overcome Barriers as an Artist

People often ask me how I make time be an artist as the mother of two small children.  Most of the time this question comes from other moms or other artists, and it’s an important one for those who want to keep producing art while juggling real life, kids, and obligations that decidedly are not art.

How can we overcome the internal obstacles that all artists already face in the process of art making, while overcoming the external roadblocks that all new moms face when attempting to do anything productive outside of motherhood? The answer isn’t a simple one.  

When I first left my job as a middle school art teacher to stay home with my first child three and a half years ago, I was terrified. I felt like a fraud. I had an identity crisis. I thought if I wasn’t an art teacher, who was I? I didn’t want to be just a mom. 

It is not in my nature to devote all of my energy to keeping my home fully functioning. At the end of the day as a stay at home mom, I was bored. I wasn’t stimulated mentally or creatively. I thrive on routine, and so I became obsessed with my daughter’s daily routine for naps and bedtime, and then wildly annoyed when they were disrupted. I was in the middle of a fantastic bout with postpartum anxiety, but I didn’t realize it until I was out of that phase and looking back on the experience.

Now that my second baby is six months old, I am fully aware of my tendencies for nervous, fretting, worrisome anxiety. It all boils down to control and self-care for me. The less control I have over a situation, the more anxious I become, but if I have an abundance of self-care opportunities, then I can better cope with my lack of control over things in my life. Although, as any new mom will tell you, that formula is complicated to execute with tiny humans in the mix. 

In motherhood, the best-laid plans are completely and constantly being overturned and opportunities for self-care are often impossible to extract from days that rotate around caring for others. Under these circumstances, creating art can seem a hopeless endeavor.  

But, when I went back to work teaching community art classes to adults, I learned something, and I was elated. Suddenly, I had this opportunity to reinvent myself and reassume the identity I had been missing. 

My adult students seemed to view me in a way that only a few of my middle school students ever did and my confidence soared immediately. I began to set a new loftier goal for myself—something I had lied to myself about every really wanting. I wanted become an active artist (i.e. create new work on a regular basis, show my work publicly and become a networking member of the artist community in Austin and beyond). Sure, I made art as a public school teacher—project examples for my classes mostly and in the summers I’d START a big painting, but usually never finish it.  

Some of my student's work at the DAC

I began to approach my art making practice as just that—a practice. If my job is being an artist, then I have to work whether I feel like showing up for my job or not. Like Picasso said—“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” 

Even before I became a mother, making art wasn’t easy. But procrastination was. I once made a list of all of the things I do when I’m procrastinating making art—finding the perfect music, making the perfect cup of tea, cleaning my workspace, etc.—and then I got real with myself and realized that all of the procrastinating was just a lot of busy work that masks the fear of making bad art.

But bad art isn’t something to be afraid of, and it’s all part of the process—practice, setbacks, lessons learned, and new course correction. And once mom-artists recognize how precious their creation time is, a lot of the course correction becomes automatic—one of the tools we pick up naturally and add to our tool belt by default of becoming mothers.

Now, instead of cleaning my workspace or making the perfect cup of whatever and waiting for the muse to arrive, I started to just shove the mess on my desk aside, sit down with my tepid cup of coffee and get busy drawing. Some days, I may only have however long the baby nap generally lasts and I probably still need to shower, but I have to work on my art.

My art practice has become everything now.

It’s not just a therapy or an outlet for my anxiety and a sanctuary of self-care from the unrealistic expectations of motherhood in our modern era; it’s my livelihood and my identity. The lovely side effect of devoting myself whole-heartedly to this goal of art making was that my class sizes at the Dougherty Arts School where I teach drawing and painting suddenly grew around the same time my paradigm shift in personal art production occurred. I am consistently at max capacity at the start of a new class, and that had been far from the case at first. As if overnight, I had a large mailing list of students. Word of mouth is a beautiful thing.  

I now share my secrets and tips for building confidence and a daily or regular art practice with all of my students or anyone who will listen, and I find this audience to be extremely grateful of my encouragement and support in this area.

I read positive art affirmations to my classes out loud while they draw and paint. I approach the class like the best yoga instructors I know structure their classes—by supporting students with a relaxed and non-judgmental atmosphere in order to help them let go of critical inner dialogue, release expectations and explore their own self-guided practice.

Sometimes my classes end up feeling like a therapy session, and I love that. People find themselves, build confidence and grow before my eyes. I think part of my journey is learning to take credit for that though.

Recently, I’ve had some “Aw, no—that was all you!” moments when students have said I was the reason they were able to surprise themselves with their painting or drawing abilities, but as I type this I realize I should probably use the line I often feed them when they start to be self-deprecating about their work—“Thanks, I worked really hard on that.” 

To bring it all back around to motherhood though, I’d say my mantras for a successful art practice could be applied to my practices as the confident mother whose shoes I’m still growing into. 

The key for me is setting my expectations for myself extremely low.

Yeah, you read that right, and I often say that to my students, too. “Don’t aim for the moon. Aim for the end of the lawn and maybe you’ll land among the stars. Plus, the moon is closer to the earth than the stars, so that platitude is really scientifically incorrect anyway!”

Seriously though, we expect too much of ourselves. When we let ourselves off the hook, release expectations and find a niche in our day to day that is realistic and enjoyable, that’s where we generally find peace. I am still on my path to becoming the artist I want to be, and I’m sure I always will be. It’s a long road, and I find solace in that. The joy and growth happen along the way in the most unexpected ways. “Mistakes are opportunities for growth” is something I used to say to my middle school students, but I don’t think I really owned it until I threw myself headfirst into my own art journey.  

Sometimes I really do attempt to approach a day of mom-artisthood with the expectation that I will fail at getting anything done. On days when I can only make it up to the studio space I now share with another talented and inspiring artist-mom if I bring my son with me, I set out knowing it’s going to be a struggle. I put him in the pack n’ play I leave there for him, and I may only get 20 minutes of actual work done over the course of a few hours, but it doesn’t matter. The success is in the attempt. 

Just showing up is what matters. I have so much patience when it comes to learning and teaching, it amazes me. I wish I could apply that kind of patience to other areas of my life. I still feel like a fraud at times. I still have a hard time taking myself seriously as an artist. There is a fine line in the mind of the creative between egotistical grandeur and crippling self-doubt.

As a mother, you can find me guzzling my glass of wine after the tantrum orchestra that is the toddler-baby bedtime at my house thinking, “Well, I kept them alive today—that’s all that matters, right?” It sounds like another joke, but it IS what matters. When I spend hours I feel I don’t have to spare on a piece of art that doesn’t work and I decide to scrap it, I can choose to see those as wasted hours or be grateful for the valuable practice and growth I just experienced as an artist.

Likewise, as a mother, when I spend an hour trying to leave the house to run an errand that doesn’t happen that day because of a diaper-blowout-turned-unexpected-naptime or epic tantrum that leaves me staring into space, I have a similar choice in regards to perspective.  

Being an artist, a part-time art teacher, and a full time stay-at-home-mom means I have to choose to make the time for my art career, to set aside my fears of making bad art, to power through past exhaustion, illness, bad moods and procrastinating tendencies.

I have to schedule blocks of work time around my busy business owner husband’s schedule at times when he can be home with both kids, pump breast milk for the baby, schedule babysitters, bring the toddler or the baby to the studio with me, play cartoons for hours longer than I care to admit in order to meet a deadline or work out an idea, and stay up late into the night when everyone else is asleep. I have to not care what anyone thinks about my messy house, my laundry piles, and the takeout meals or whatever unrealistic expectations I feel I’m not meeting as a mother.

When I look back on these years of early motherhood, I know it will be a blur and I know I will think fondly of the magical cuteness and sigh heavily at the hard-but-worth-it aspect of it all.

Although, the most incredible thing that keeps me going is that something in me switched on when I became a mother.

At a time when it would have been so easy to hit the snooze button, I decided to start dreaming bigger for myself and chasing some lifetime goals I could have easily put off until the nebulous time period when kids become easier to raise.

It’s as if I was such a huge procrastinator that I thought if I don’t challenge myself at one of the most challenging times in my life to do this, I never will.  

Photo Credit - Nathan Russell

Throughout this post, I’ve started to list the tricks I employ to get and stay busy on my creative work, but they are so idiosyncratic, I’m not sure they would apply to anyone else, but I’m going to do it anyway:  
 

·        I work small: I keep small bags of drawing pens and pencils, my nicer inks in one bag, small sketchbooks I can take anywhere, etc. I pull them out when I’m sitting on the couch watching crap television.  

·        I’m constantly researching and connecting with art: Instead of scrolling through my phone mindlessly, I search Pinterest, Tumblr or Instagram for lesson planning ideas or resources to send to my students or ideas to inspire my own art. I don’t try to overachieve like I used to with lesson plans. I take screenshots and drop them into a slideshow to share with my classes. I look at the art of others all the time. They say good writers read a lot, and I think a good artist should stay connected to art all times. I recently traded some art prints for some gorgeous glasswork of another artist who found me on Instagram. Pulling from and putting back into the local and global art community is so important. I truly believe in the law of attraction, and I think supporting other artists in any way I can will only result in the growth of my own art career. 

·        I keep repetitive habits: I know I thrive on routine, and I know what my procrastinating pitfalls are, so I do what I’ve found works for me and I do so religiously. I listen to a certain podcast pretty much every time I sit down to really accomplish work on a project (Marc Maron’s WTF podcast or sometimes On Being with Krista Tippett).  

Most importantly—I actively nurture and fuel the positive inner dialogue in my mind, and listen to the inner critic just enough to move away from what isn’t working in my art without bemoaning the loss of time and energy.

I practice constantly, and recognize that if something is off, I’m probably out of practice.

I’m not lying about positive art affirmations. There is a lot to be gained from saying “I am an artist. I am a creative genius!” to yourself and believing it.

All of these tricks really boil down to this, too. It’s an attitude.

A personal investment in your own self-compassion goes such a long way.

There is a thing we all wish we could do if personal ability wasn’t an obstacle and most of the time acknowledging that inner critic and nurturing yourself anyway will make it happen—sometimes overnight, and sometimes in the midst of the most challenging self-care epoch of your life!  

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Woah!! What an amazing piece of writing, right? I found myself idenitfying with so many points and also feeling completely inspired. I hope you did too! xo- catia

Connect with Adrienne here! 

Moon Gallery Instagram / Facebook / Adrienne Hodge / Etsy / Moon Gallery Studio

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here