Courage to Become | Sonya Holmgaard
“Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING. ”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Sonya is one of them.
Enjoy Sonya’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about persistence and growing and enthusiasm!!! Please welcome, Sonya.
WAVE NUMBER 1
When I was a junior in high school, I met this very handsome man I immediately knew I would marry. 17 years this December. He struggled with a drug addiction that I was not aware of. I knew bits and pieces and would find things, but I was oblivious to what was going on for the most part. When I found out he would be spending 2 ½ years in a Federal Penitentiary, I was already months along with our first child. I watched him get sentenced wearing shackles and chains around his hands and feet while trying to hold myself emotionally together, not only for myself but also to keep my stress levels down and for my unborn baby's well-being.
I didn't know how strong I was then until years later. I worked two jobs and made the trip to Yankton, South Dakota, to visit him almost every weekend with my husband's grandparents or mother. I had very few friends and kept myself busy getting ready for the baby, worked, and prayed a lot. Our first child was born, and I was allowed to make a phone call to the prison to report our first baby girl's news. The hospital refused to let me put her father's name on the birth certificate for my daughter. Instead, they put dashes where his name should have been. From the beginning, even though the struggle I knew I would face, I never had any intentions to leave my husband because I knew we were to be together forever, no matter what. I knew he was my soul mate and his struggle in life was no reason to abandon him. I loved him and wasn't going anywhere.
Shortly after his sentence and before our first child, we were married privately in a small jail before being transferred to federal prison. We said I do behind glass while a local priest who was against our marriage announced our union. I cried as I messed up one of the lines the priest prompted me to say, and he scoffed at me. When I say he was against, I mean he was against it and treated us like it. Regardless, we were married, and I was in it till death do us part. I was prepared. No matter what anybody said, and they did say a lot. Others wanted me to leave him and have a "real life."
Eventually, I was allowed to bring our baby girl to the prison so her dad could see her for the first time. This was before he was transferred, so it was only an hour from where I live. I proudly held her up to the glass window for daddy to see his perfect little lady. She showed off her crooked pinkies just like his and her nose that was just like mine. That was tough. That was a sad day but also a happy day because we both loved her so much. Years later, I visited Alcatraz prison in California and had a mini-breakdown seeing the visiting area where families would visit through glass windows and use a phone to talk to each other. They probably held up their hands, and that's how they "held hands" between an inch and a half of Plexiglas. Seeing that Visitor area was challenging for me. And even harder, I knew my husband would not be able to hold his daughter. Tough. Very tough. Hard. VERY HARD.
Years later, I came back to this very prison to visit a cousin who was in trouble for drugs. My cousin boasted to his counselor about how my husband made it out and has a good life and that he knew there was a way to have another chance. The same room with the same glass window where I brought my daughter as a baby to see her daddy through the glass was in the background. Visitor room number 5. I noticed it when we walked in and pushed the feelings aside and later sat with the feelings as we drove home. It wasn't so hard this time. This time I let the feelings come. I dealt with them and thanked God for my daughter growing up into a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent woman that will not be stopped by any history our family has in the past.
The day we got to go pick up my husband, there was a party going on in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. He had worked hard and studied and learned to weld and was ready to come home. He did all the things he was supposed to do and more. In the Bible, he found himself in good people in finding a skill that he knew he could apply at a good job when he got home. By the grace of God, he had a family member there that had already almost served years of his life for drugs as well and had made a HUGE shift and change in his life to do better, and he took my husband under his wing and helped him find the way down the right path. When we all walked out of the prison doors, he kept looking behind him. It was a strange feeling for him to walk out those doors. Things were new and different, and things had changed in the big world.
AND BAM! I was pregnant, just like that with our second child. We had a small marriage ceremony that September, and I was six months pregnant in David's bridal red and white dress tailored for my swollen pregnant belly. Life was good. Years went by, and we fought a lot and made up a lot, and our marriage was tested. But as we got older, we grew more and more in love and understanding of each other. Luckily my daughter was young enough she doesn't remember, and by the time we had our second child, my husband was HOME; I'm thankful for that. WE MADE IT, and we are all right.
WAVE NUMBER 2
WAVE number 2 was coming, and I had no idea. A TSUNAMI. With no warning. And here it is. I'm just going to come out with it. My nephew was shaken by his father so severely that he almost died. He is now blind, unable to walk, unable to talk, never run, will never see, and will never have all the chances that many other kids get. We spent countless nights in a tiny family waiting room and slept in chairs and couches made out of cement, I swear. It was my job every day to wake up and make sure my sister ate so she could keep going. We were allowed to see my nephew but only with CPS breathing down our necks while they investigated. CPS took my sister alone into a room and interrogated her without my knowledge until I found out where she was and ever so kindly burst in to sit with her and hold her hand, so she wasn't alone. At the time, I didn't know how strong I was. I went through the movements to protect my sister, and even though my body went through the motions, I wasn't there; I was in another world trying to scramble and pick up the pieces from this giant confetti bomb the size of the world that just went off.
I was placed with temporary custody of my other nephew as none of the children were no longer allowed to be in my sister's care until things were straightened out. AND THE PART I COULDN'T LIVE WITH FOR A LONG TIME…I was asked to take my baby nephew, who was shaken home after they released him, and I SAID NO. I SAID NO because I had my own two kids, at the time 2-year-old nephew I had just taken custody of (and I was upfront about my husband's past…Luckily DHS let me have my nephew). I had planned on taking on my sister's other two children that were older. Eventually, their dad fought me over and ended up getting for a while. So I was planning on raising my two-year-old nephew, my own two kids, and my sister's older two kids for as long as I needed to. 5 KIDS! At the time, I didn't know it, but I took on only what I could handle. My nephew, who was shaken, was placed with my other sister, who happened to be a foster parent. I let him go there because I didn't think I would be able to take care of all the kids and get my hurt nephew to where he needed to be for hospital surgeries and care. It was going to be a long, long haul for him. I didn't think I had it in me to be strong enough to carry all that battle. I felt I could handle only so much.
About a year and a half goes by, and I am BEATING MYSELF UP EVERY DAY for not taking my nephew, who was hurt. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. DESTROYED. FELT WORTHLESS. WHAT KIND OF AN AUNT WAS I? Like how could I take on the other kids and not my poor helpless baby nephew who needed me? DEPRESSION BIG TIME. LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. DONE. WAS A WASTE OF SPACE. I WISHED IT WERE ME AND NOT MY BABY NEPHEW. I would have done ANYTHING TO TAKE HIS SPOT. So he could have a chance. So he could have a LIFE.
BUT…..
I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF THAT DARK PLACE.
I kept pouring myself into my sister's kids and my own. EVERY WAKING second was ABOUT THEM. They were well-loved and taken care of and still are.
Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING.
When my nephew was released with my other sister who took him, there were many months of grueling court battles and even a court hearing for a chance for the father of my nephew, who I had custody of to fight for him….he didn't….I was CRUSHED for him. That was a punch in the gut. I wouldn't have given him up anyway, but it was hard to hear he was done with this beautiful little Hawaiian tanned baby boy that has a smile bigger than the sun. I continued my workout journey and even got my nephew up at 5 am with me as a workout buddy and got him his milk and blanky while he laid and watched cartoons before I took him to daycare.
At the time, I Didn't know HOW STRONG I WAS.
Years later, I FORGAVE MYSELF.
FOR NOT TAKING MY HURT NEPHEW. I took YEARS to let it go. YEARS.
I went to the gulf shores, woke up before the sunrise. And that day, I decided it was time. I ran 3 miles. Then watched the sun come up, then laid in the saltwater, went under…
AND LET IT GO. I forgave myself and let it go to GOD. He took all my weight and my burden of NOT BEING ENOUGH. Up into the sky went my unanswered questions. I know now that I will never know things. Like why adults hurt small children. Why things happen that break your heart into a million pieces. Why you try to protect your loved ones, but sometimes you just can't. I let these questions GO.
And without taking any time or any love away from my children and my sister's children and my family. I poured into myself. I finally felt myself becoming stronger. Not only mentally or physically with my health journey but spiritually. I felt closer to God, and I felt my purpose. I found myself, and even though I didn't know it through all of these hardships, I WAS strong, and I was ENOUGH. I was doing everything I could and more.
Then we had to put our beloved dog Zombie down because she was sick with cancer and could no longer control her bladder. This ROCKED our family. DEVASTATED our kids. She was their best friend, and it was tough for them and all of us.
Then we lost my father in law and it was brutal on my husband and my kids, then we lost my stepfather, which I took very hard, then six months later, my biological mother got breast cancer and had to have a breast removed. There wasn't much time to recover in between blows or, as I like to call them ….waves. Our world was ROCKED, and our boat was tipping. Our boat was tipping A LOT.
AND
Speaking of waves….
WAVE NUMBER 3
Which are currently becoming whitecaps out in the stormy sea as we speak and getting ready to rock my white sandy beaches.
We have a family member who is currently missing and without getting into too much detail because I feel it would be unfair to the rest of this family at this time…we believe there was foul play involved. We are all dangling at the biggest edge of the biggest cliff, right now as we speak. We don't entirely know what is coming our way, but we have an idea, and we WILL UNITE, and WE WILL persevere, and WE WILL hold hands and come together and be gentle with each other and do whatever it is we have to do. And I believe I am strong enough to help my family through this wave. We pray still it won't turn out badly, and we are holding on by that little tiny thread of light just to get us through. But even so. I know there is always going to be a light. A big bright one with the Lord in the middle, and I believe we will be ok.
I've had three flat tires in a month, one car in the shop twice to be repaired, and my brand new 20,000 camper just flooded. I have two teenaged children…one that likes to push limits and scare the holy bejesus out of me in the middle of the night and test all the waters… and just literally called me to tell me her battery is dead…yes, that's the car that has been in the shop twice. Oh yeah, and there is also a worldwide pandemic and riots going on. But I still get up every single day, flip on my camera, say hi to the world, and do what I love doing. Helping others find that CLICK, that LIGHTBULB, that FIRE in the pit of their stomachs to change and put the work in - better themselves. I laugh a little each time I get phone calls now when it's about flat tires and car repairs, and my daughter needs a ride from 2 towns away on a Sunday night, and it's 8 pm. I laugh because these are small things that used to piss me off. But now I see them as easy small little ripple waves.
There will be more BIG waves, and there will be smaller ripple waves. And I won't be ready. I will be stronger this time around, and even if I have to drop to my knees again and again. I will get up, and I will be ok. There have been other waves before these, but I feel that those waters have calmed and smoothed out, but that doesn't mean I still don't carry the scars. I've just steadied my boat.
Now I will never treat myself with unkind words. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with hard things, I talk to myself and say… You're all right…you are all right… you're ok…. until I center. I will always put myself first to be the best possible me for my family and GOD. I no longer think of parts of my life as a nightmare but rather a season of growing and learning. I thank God for the years my husband had to grow and become a stronger father and person…without those years locked away, this could be a different story. I praise God my children were so young that they don't remember things that might have crushed them. And I believe wholeheartedly one hundred percent that people change. I believe most people are good. I believe in families sticking together; I believe that you have it in you to get through some very tough waves and battles in life, just like my family and I did and are doing still. I believe that you are tougher than you think. I believe God made us all strong. I believe change can be beautiful. If you look at things in a different light, you will see the sun where shadows once were. I also believe you need the dark, and that is a part of life. I believe that I am 36 years old, and my story is far from over. I believe in between these waves; we have the best of memories as well….kayaking, long sunny days at the lake grilling food and swimming, 16th birthdays, learners permits, family get-togethers for nieces and nephews…the ones at my sisters are the best!...new jobs, working together as a family on the house remodel, bike rides, watching sunsets on the front porch, and just waking up every single day and having each other. And I believe that no matter what, I'll always be ok. And so will you.
-"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."-JON KABAT-ZINN
Wave #4…to be continued…
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
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Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Hayley Hengst
“A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Hayley is one of them.
Enjoy Hayley’s story of becoming. Hayley is a writer, a great one. She has a gift and I am honored that she shared it with us. Hayley and I wrote together at Austin Moms Blog and I always admired how adept she was at sharing her point of view so beautifully with the world. She’s really something else and I know you will adore her. Please welcome, Hayley!
Hayley Hengst from On a Lighter Note
“This Stage of Life? It’s Hard”.
That was the title of a blog post I wrote about five years ago now, that went viral. Then it went viral again. Then again. It was shared over 200,000 times, reached people in at least 10 different countries, got translated into other languages, and for at least two years after writing it, I continued to receive messages and emails from people all over the world telling me how much the article impacted them....how deeply the words resonated....how relieved they were to know they weren’t the only one who felt the same range of emotions the article described.
Kids. Marriage. Sick kids. Troubled marriage. Parenting decisions. Infertility. Miscarriage. The working mom versus stay-at-home mom debate. In the stage of life where you have young kids at home, the struggle is real, and can encompass any number of difficulties.
When I wrote that article, I felt like my “stage of life” was difficult, sure, but not in a tragic way. Just in a mundane “my kid has an ear infection as I write this, my house is a mess, I can’t figure out a good sleep schedule for my newborn, and I’m completely conflicted if I want to send my kindergartner to public versus private school” kind of way.
Happily married with three kids under 6, I was a bit taken off guard by some of the emails that came flooding in as a result of that article....readers regaling me with tales of why THEIR stage of life was hard....and it was indeed difficult stuff. Children with cancer. Husbands who had left them. Financial devastation. I felt sympathetic for these people, while at the same time (if I’m being honest) relieved that my woes were more of the “normal life problem” variety.
Fast forward two years. Fast forward just TWO years, and my mom was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer.
A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.
I’ll save you all the gory details of what the three years sandwiched between THEN and NOW consisted of, but here’s what I WILL say:
When Catia reached out to me and asked me to be a part of her Courage to Become Series, I was incredibly honored. I had read some of the articles other people had written for this series, but not all of them. So I went back and read more. And thought, “um. Why did she ask me to participate in this? I’m not sure I belong in this group. What exactly HAVE I had the courage to become?”.
I thought about it or a while. What I ultimately realized, was this:
After a long hard road, years of which were spent living in the shadow of someone else...years more spent trying to rebuild what “someone else” tore apart....I simply (recently) (finally) have the Courage to just....Become.
“Become”, as in “an active, ongoing, process”. Not necessarily as in “an end-point".
Sound like a cop-out answer?
It’s not.
You see, I’d spent my entire life (well, my entire life since age 15, anyway), just “becoming” what I thought someone else (my husband) wanted me to be. That’s dumb anyway, but in my case, it didn’t even freaking pan out well.
How in the WORLD had I forgotten to ask myself questions like:
What do YOU want?
Who are YOU, separate from HIM?
What’s important to YOU?
What do you want YOUR life to be about?
I don’t know how I’d forgotten to ask those questions, but I had, and it was time to start asking them.
Had my life not fallen apart, maybe I never would have asked. I’m not sure you can become who you are meant to be UNTIL you ask.
So I'm asking them now, and if I’m being honest, the answers are still a little grey. You don’t go 36 years of life NOT thinking through those things, and then all of the sudden have clear answers to them. “Grey” is a transitionary color though, right? It’s in-between black and white. Moving from white, into black, I suppose. As I’ve begun to ask the questions and sort through the answers, here are a few things I do know:
• I want to write. Writing is what I love. It’s what I’m good at. It’s what other people tell me I’m good at. It’s what makes me feel most like me. Why had I not been doing that?
....and so I’ve started writing again. I’ve started a new blog. It’s called The Lighter Note Show. It’s taking off well. I’ve started submitting writings for other websites...and they’re getting accepted. I’ve been paid for a few. I’ve decided I’m going to write a book.
I want to co-host a podcast with one of my best friends. The overwhelming response I received to the Stage of Life blog post all those years ago made me realize that maybe more than anything else, people appreciate “relatable”. They appreciate feeling like they aren’t the only ones who feel the way they do sometimes. That other people have the same struggles and woes and awkwardness and weird thoughts. They also need an excuse to laugh sometimes. I wanted to create a podcast that provided that outlet for people. So why hadn’t I, yet?
…..and so I did. I’m not sure where it will go or what it will lead to, but I’m DOING it at least, and working on the podcast is one of my favorite parts of life right now
I want to challenge myself. I want to set goals that are hard, make a plan to achieve them, and then achieve them. I don’t want to ever become stagnant and “blah” and aimless again. When and why had I become that in the first place?
….. and so I trained for a 15 mile “heavy half” marathon this year. Ran it. And climbed a mountain, too. The highest peak in Colorado, thank you.
Possibly most importantly, I want to love my little boys well. I want them to feel loved, cherished, secure, and happy.
…..and so there is a lot of apologizing in our house. As in, “me to them”. It’s hard to be the patient, kind, gentle and loving mom you want to be when you are emotionally stretched thin, but there’s a lot to be said for apologizing. Being honest with them. Admitting mistakes. Being vocal and expressive in my love for them. Being honest about what’s hard and crappy, but also highlighting all that is good and wonderful and positive.
Some of you impressive and awe-inspiring women in this series have had the Courage to Become some pretty amazing things. You’ve become doctors. Lawyers. Life coaches. Wildly successful photographers. I’m still convinced you guys are all in a different league than me.
I feel certain though there are others of you out there who, like me, lost yourselves along the way somehow. As a result, you may not feel like you’ve “become” anything at all. While I’m certain that isn’t entirely true...you’ve become SOMETHING...you’ve become a wife, or a mother, or a beloved friend....it COULD be true that you haven’t become what you were MEANT to become. Yet. Maybe you haven’t asked yourself the important questions. Maybe you’ve spent too much time trying to become what someone ELSE wanted you to become. Maybe the fact that it’s actually POSSIBLE to become something that makes you feel proud of yourself and fulfilled has eluded you.
I’d encourage you to ask yourself the important questions:
• What do I want out of life?
• Who am I, at my core?
• What makes me feel most alive?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I good at....something I know I’m good at...others tell me I’m good at...I enjoy it....but I’m holding back?
• What am I waiting for?
It takes courage to even ask yourself the questions to begin with. It’s worth it, though.
I’d love to write the book. Have the successful podcast. Climb another mountain. Be able to pat myself on the back daily for a Parenting Job Well Done. If I do all of those things, maybe I will have “become”.
For right now though, there is a lot of beauty in the “becoming”. The process. I don’t want to speed through that.
So cheers to us...the works in progress. May we simply have the courage to BECOME...period.
About Hayley:
Hello From the Other Side
The "single gal" side, that is. The "after the dust has settled a bit" side. The "am I experiencing PTSD from the drama and trauma of the last two years?" side. Kidding, kidding. No PTSD here.
Probably anyone reading this already knows me, and could do without an "About Me". I used to write all the time, and back then, I wrote everything "about me" anyone could ever care to know, and then some, I'm sure. I wrote for Austin Moms Blog. I wrote for my own blog, Mother Freaking. I wrote for Her View From Home. I pretty much was an open book. A lot has changed in my life since then, though (a lot has stayed the same, too).
What's changed?
-I'm not married anymore. This is a negative development on almost all fronts, but I suppose the "positive" aspect of it is that my writings will no longer be chalk full of corny references to my high school sweetheart relationship, that no one wants to hear about. I mean, I thought it was cute. But I guess not. Another positive could be that maybe you'll get to hear some tales of WHAT in the actual WORLD a 38-year old who has never been single, does in the dating world? (If you have any tips or suggestions, please...by all means).
-I don't live with a man anymore. This means there is a lot of pink in my house. I've hated pink my whole life, and then suddenly it was like "If I WANTED to have pink stuff I could"...and so I did.
What's the Same?
- I'm still mama to Three Little Manimals (that's man+animal)
- They still crazy AF
- Writing is still my favorite thing in all of the world. No wait...reading. Writing is a very close second though.
- It's still a toss-up if my Happy Place is a bubble bath, sitting in front of a fire, or lying in the sun. Warmth...just give me warmth. Throw in some sort of a twinkle light situation while you're at it. Throw in a book and maybe some wine, too.
Other Things...
- I think the song "The Weight" by the The Band is the best song of all time, and no matter how many people argue this opinion (fact) with me, I'll never change my mind
- I can't shuffle cards for shit, and one actual GOAL of mine (this is pitiful) during quarantine was to "Perfect My Shuffle Game". I've got the shuffle. Still can't get the stupid bridge.
- I worked at a gym in high school. Some guys that worked there called me at the front desk, secretly, from a back office, pretending that their dad was at the gym working out, and a family emergency had occurred. They needed me to page him. His name was Mr. Jack Meoff. "Please, can you page him". I did. Multiple times. Thus revealing to the world what I already knew...I'm a bit low on common sense. It's fine. I've accepted it, and feel that likely, it means I'm a genius. Like some sort of mad scientist.
You can follow Hayley’s journey at
On a Lighter Note Facebook // On a Lighter Note
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Shani Montique-Ahmad
In the Beginning
I met my husband watching a live band in the garage of some condo in East Austin, years ago. I was completely over being in a relationship and almost didn’t attend the event that changed my life. I hate to say that the cliché is true, but when you’re not looking for your life partner your match will find you. That night it was all about me having a good time with friends and then he showed up. After a double date eating some really hot Thai food at Madam Ma’am’s with runny noses, we found it difficult to not be together. Soon thereafter, he discovered that band-life wasn’t for him and I realized that working retail and weekends was not my calling. We eventually wised-up, got a game plan that would bond us forever, and executed.
When we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, I wouldn’t have dared to compare our union to a race to the finish line. We met when I was 27 years old, nearly 28, and my husband was 31. We got married three years later. Before we said, “I do”, we tackled through all the hard topics like lifestyle, religion, politics, business, and child rearing, which I’m sure extended our courtship. For us, raising a child is one of the most important duties a person will ever have in their lifetime so settling any differences was crucial. As equipped as we thought we were in our efforts to avoid marital complications, we were ill-prepared for the emotional roller coaster of infertility.
Twenty Minutes After
Excitement was the feeling we both felt when, in the Fall of 2013, I became pregnant.
We broke all the rules of keeping our mouths shut and soon told all our close friends and family. I knew that I had fibroids, but a few of my aunts and cousins on both sides of the family did too and, with some complications, were able to bear children. Naturally, I was very prepared for a few bumps in the road until I gave birth. My OBGYN monitored me very closely. The fibroids had grown quickly and feasted on the boost of estrogen in my body. I began to notice a large bulge gradually protruding near my right hip. Towards the end of my first trimester, I was ordered to go on bed rest for a few days. On a Sunday, I was released to start work the coming Monday and I was relieved that possibly the worst was behind me. Twenty minutes after my husband left for work I became VERY scared. My body started experiencing the excruciatingly painful process of miscarriage.
I instinctively wanted to be prepared for the worst. I researched all the symptoms of suffering miscarriage while on bed rest, not expecting that I would soon live the tragedy. The pain was sharp like a knife to the lower abdomen, which forced me to immediately fold forward. I started symptomatically sweating and could hardly speak when I called 911 to rescue me. I managed to get an ambulance and very slowly inched to the front door doubled over in agonizing pain to avoid the paramedics breaking my window or door; left the door wide open and went to lay down.
The long morning ride to the hospital regarding fertility issues was not going to be my last. As much as I dislike taking medication, I begged the paramedic in a forced whisper for “more drugs” to take the pain away. Terminology like Dilation and Curettage (D&C) and Laparoscopic Myomectomy soon became very familiar. In the last four years, I have had three of each surgery. My fourth and most recent pregnancy in January of 2018 following the In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) procedure was a short-lived celebration that lasted only six days. I was diagnosed with a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy and given methotrexate twice to terminate the stubborn pregnancy. I had side effects of acute uterine pain and blood loss. After all the nausea, the medication, the needles, the weight gain, the constant blood withdrawals for lab testing, the hormones, and the surgeries… I was exhausted.
Surviving Through Purpose
It’s uplifting when you can find happiness even when you’re going through the most trying times.
My husband and I own and operate the Franklin Music Academy, a private business, in Austin teaching mostly children music lessons at our home studio and this has been the anchor in our relationship. After the newness of marriage is over and all you’re left with is each other, I guess it’s easy for people to get wrapped up in child rearing, a career, or some hobby, but for us it’s our business that forces us to communicate and work out our problems. The irony to dedicate our lives in educating other people’s children and not have our own is mind-blowing. In hindsight, I have realized that finding purpose through the business has been my strength and lifeline. Almost 5 years of infertility and upset has only been bearable knowing that I am contributing to my husband’s happiness teaching music and creating an environment that nurtures child development.
During our journey to expand our family, it was difficult to see parents with their kids at our house, but surprisingly our clients helped us cope. They were a nice distraction that kept us very busy. As I grew more comfortable sharing my infertility story outside of friends and family, I discovered that we were not alone. Due to the complications that IVF brought, we decided that this would no longer be a viable option as we needed to ensure our frozen embryos would still be able to bring us a family. Amazingly, one of our clients came forward and offered to be our compassionate gestational surrogate.
The feeling was undeniably magical when our client announced to be our carrier. We felt like we had hit the lottery especially considering the fact that our thoughtful client did not want to be compensated outside of paying for her medical bills. We made all the proper arrangements with our fertility clinic and waived her fees for music lessons for her kids. Unfortunately, after 2 months of preparation, we were told that our client was not a good fit for surrogacy.
Determined to Keep Going
It was hard to let go of the lady that thought so highly of us. It takes a special person to take on the great responsibility of surrogacy. Surrogacy is a self-less act that requires a strong mind and a heart as big as Texas. To assist in bringing a child into someone else’s family is a sacrifice of time and energy and we will be forever grateful to the next person that selects us as the intended parents. We still believe the best method to minimize the risk of miscarriage is to have a gestational surrogate and, this time, we are going through a surrogacy agency to find a carrier.
Choosing this route shouldn’t indicate that I have given up on wanting to have kids naturally one day. Nowadays, I have been diligently working on healing myself from the inside out through food, which is the best medicine. Agreeing to do IVF is a very involved self-sacrificial process that tests your sanity, your relationship, and your financial nest egg. The hormones make you testy and moody, seclusive, and have side-effects that can make you more prone to illnesses, including cancer. I am not suggesting that IVF shouldn’t be considered as an alternative to having children, but people should be aware that this procedure is very taxing. Now that I am off all the medications, I can focus on diet and exercise and doing the things that make me happy.
It may sound odd to continue our journey considering our history, but why should we give up? After you have afforded all the things you want and lived your life doing and seeing everything you desire, what then? When you’re old and gray and lying flat on your back, all of those things won’t matter. You’ll be too weak to enjoy them anyway. A child is a gift that keeps giving when their bright smiling face comes to visit you until your last breath.
My husband and I planned our life to marry, enjoy each other, and a few years later start a family. We started a business, bought a house, paid off our debts, and grew our emergency funds to support our baby. All the required ingredients of stability, love, and a two-parent household fostering fun and education has been properly laid out. Our dream of expanding our family will not expire until we have our baby by hook or by crook and we are eager to one day enjoy a family with children to love and nurture.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Aseky Bonnaire
“Everything happens for a reason”-says everyone when something unfortunate or inconvenient happens.
My name Is Aseky Bonnaire and I live for that quote. I’m a millennial mom raising three boys in Sunny Orlando Florida. I’m married to my high school sweet heart, and childhood crush. I like to think I have it all figured out, but I don’t, nor will I ever, but let a girl think she does haha. I guess I should go into depth more about myself. I met my husband when I was 11 years old and had THE biggest crush on him. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. We dated from sophomore year all throughout High School. We did homecoming dances, prom, graduation, the whole 9 yards.
After high school we both went to the local State College. After the first semester flew by, I decided, I love this college thing and I don’t want a baby to interrupt anything. I went to my OB to get a script for birth control, and that’s where I found out I was pregnant. Literally at that moment, it felt like my entire world caved in on me. I was just going to be another teen mom. I was going to live a hard life, I was never going to be able to be on my own 2 feet, and I would have to rely on my mom forever. After our family found out and all the initial shock went away, we actually got really excited to be bringing in a life into this world. Renaldo Jr (RJ) was brought into this world October 23, 2012. We were young, and didn’t know what the heck we were doing, but we knew we had each other and we wanted the best life possible for him. Throughout my entire pregnancy I stayed in school, and even a week after delivering I was going in to take mandatory tests. Renaldo (my boyfriend at the time, now husband) landed a good job, making decent money (for a 20 year old) in customer service (he still works there BTW).
We moved out of my Mom’s house when RJ was 7 months old. We moved into a townhouse 100% on our own. We saved up as much as we could from Renaldo working 5 days a week, 50+ hours, all while I was in school full time. We felt like ‘we made it’. I don’t know if you remember how it felt when you first moved out on your own, whether it was college, or when you got married, but it’s an indescribable feeling. Shortly after moving I got my first “big girl” job at the hospital working in finance. Because of that job, I took a break on school, but also because of that job, we could afford more things outside of bills. When RJ was 11 months old, Renaldo bought me an engagement ring and asked me to be his wife. For the next 12 months we planned our dream wedding, I switched departments at work so I could be home more, bought our first brand new car and went on a bachelorette/ bachelor cruise. Our wedding came and it wasn’t short of perfect. All of our childhood best friends were there, and it was just a great time with great people.
Shortly after our honeymoon we got pregnant with our 2nd son. My husband got promoted (this was his 4th promotion within the 3 years) but It was that pregnancy that I found my love for blogging, and connecting with other women via Instagram. That’s when I discovered the power of a hashtag LOL! Good pregnancy overall. He was born June 17, 2015. We brought him home to our little 2 bedroom townhouse. We knew we wanted to move into something bigger, but never thought we would be able to buy a house. Come on, we were only 22/23 years old. While on maternity leave, I got bored and saw an ad that went something like “you can have a mortgage as low as your rent!” so I called that number, one thing lead to another, obstacle after obstacle, few months went by, and we became homeowners. Shortly after becoming homeowners, I got pregnant with our third (totally not planned, I was breastfeeding. So FYI Breastfeeding IS NOT BIRTHCONTROL. It doesn’t work. Joel is proof haha) but he’s such a blessing and the perfect addition to our family. We literally brought him into the world in that home (no, seriously, I delivered him at home with no one but my husband and kids present). And now we are currently renovating the house from the floor up.
Not only were we home owners, we became homeowners at 22 and 23 year olds, with 2 kids, in the city where we both grew up, completely on our own, and not living up to the stereotype people categorized us in. There is such a negative stigma with being a teen mom. People automatically assume you’re going to live a hard and tough life. While YES, it was hard having a kid at 19, yes there were times we had no clue how we were going to put gas until the next paycheck, but did it stop us, NO! I feel that so many young moms and teen moms automatically categorize themselves and determine their future before they even give themselves a shot at anything.
Having a super supportive (emotionally and financially) partner plays a HUGE role in all of this. Renaldo and I are a team. We’re in this together. We grew up and matured together, and at the same pace, so we were always on the same page when it came to goals that we wanted to achieve. Buying a house is definitely not my ‘I made it’ moment, nor will it come from anything materialistic.
My ‘I made it’ moment came in motherhood. Because RJ, my husband worked for that amazing job he has. Because of RJ, I found my purpose. I know that being home with my kids is where my heart found a home. When I had no friends (because all my friends are normal, and have kids at a regular age) I found comfort in the community of the women of the blogging, and social media world. Making connections with other moms from all walks of life, different backgrounds, all ages, is where I found my niche. Blogging and sharing my life with other teen moms is where I found sense of belonging.
It’s amazing when something is for you, it just falls into place. When I told my husband I wanted to get back into blogging, literally opportunity after opportunity rolled in. It’s like God patted me on my back, placed the right words in my heart, and whispered, “This is for you. Share your life, share your experiences, be a light where someone is in darkness. You got this boo!”.
I know this was a lot to read, but a girl got a lot to share! I’m so thankful for crossing paths with Catia, and being able to share my story with you all! Thanks for reading and remember; whether you’re a teen mom or not, everything happens for a reason. What may feel like the end of the world is potentially a blessing in disguise.
I call this, Becoming: Not another stereotyped teen mom.
Be sure to keep up with Aseky on her web site, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Katie Taylor
Hi, I’m Katie.
I think I may get personal with this, which is kind of unlike me. I love talking about what I do: I’m a mom, a wife, a child life specialist, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a blogger and even a podcast host. I’m actually pretty proud of myself about all these things, I worked REALLY hard for a lot of them, so I love talking about them. But, rarely, do I talk about a part of my life that was incredibly transformative:
I got divorced.
A lot of people look at me, like, YOU?! You got DIVORCED? Yep, sure did. And, to say it was a difficult part of my life is an understatement. To say it was a “valley” doesn’t go deep enough. To say it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made… well, that may be pretty accurate.
And the truth is that I will never say that I regret getting married (the first time), because as much as a cliche as it is, I learned so much about myself.
So when Catia asked me to write in her Courage to Become series, I originally thought that I’d talk about following my dream of being a child life specialist and then creating an opportunity to host a podcast, but that would be too easy. However, talking about the Courage to Become Myself, which is what I did that day in 2012 when I moved out of the home I shared with my ex-husband, is hard as hell.
I let a lot of people down when my marriage ended. Him, his family, mutual friends, my own friends who didn’t understand and wedding guests that had spent hundreds of dollars to attend my wedding across the country barely a year before. For a Type 2 Enneagram “Need to be Needed” person (I learned this in marriage counseling the first go round), letting people down KILLED me. Literally, it felt like a knife in my stomach every time the thought crossed my mind.
But, with the help of a counselor, I took a step back and looked at my relationship for what it was and what it was giving to me. It wasn’t doing much for me. So with a family behind me who supported me unconditionally, I took a step away.
Yes, I’m incredibly lucky that I had a safety net of people with their arms wrapped around me, but the truth is, what I did took courage. I stepped away from what I thought was a sure-thing, the-rest-of-my-life, secured-future and I went into the unknown.
Leaving was lonely as hell, even with a friend in the same apartment building as me. Even with a boss and friend who opened their arms and their homes and took me in the week I left. Even with a mom and dad who flew to my city to help me move, it was lonely. I cried a lot. Going to bed alone, watching House Hunters (I had always pictured how the two of us would be in a house), only pouring one cup of coffee.
But, that part was the valley for me, and the good part about the valley is that there is a peak afterward. I continued seeing a counselor, I poured myself into work, and I vowed that if I ever loved again (which I thought would never happen), I would make sure that the person I loved truly loved me for everything that I was. If he didn’t, no big deal, he just wouldn’t be right for me. As terrifying as it was to leave, I truly left stronger than I did entering that relationship.
I thought that dating would be scary, it had been so long since I had thought about someone else in a loving way. Of course it was in some ways, but in others, it wasn’t… because I was dating FOR ME. If they weren’t interested, I had nothing to lose, I had already lost it all. If they didn’t meet my expectations, no big deal, I’d just say goodbye.
I guess I just had come to the conclusion that it will only take ONE person to meet the expectations I had set for my life. Just one. My expectations were no longer “too high,” because they were mine, I determined them based on the life that I wanted. And that was incredibly freeing.
So, while I continue to go on this journey of the Courage to Become… Me, I am proud of myself for stepping into the unknown and leaving the comfortable. Because of the path I chose, I’m now on the road to living my best life, with a husband by my side who met every “high” expectation I had (with ease), with a son who brings me more joy than my heart could ever dream of, and with a career that fulfills my soul on a daily basis. Yes, there are valleys, yes there are challenges, but it seems as though treading through the dark parts has consequently brought me to the light.
Guys, Katie is full of heart. She DEFINITELY makes the world a better place.
To listen to her amazing podcast - click here. You can find, Child Life On Call, on Facebook and Instagram and iTunes of course!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Amber Ford Anderson
The Courage to Become a Relationship Coach
As a wedding planner, I’m often asked if I have many bridezillas. My answer is always “more momzillas than anything” and yup, it’s true. The mommas are living vicariously through their daughters and it’s batty. Like get a grip woman. I’m sorry you only had cake and punch in the chapel but no one forced you to save sixty grand for your daughter so just stop. In my opinion, that chapel wedding you had in the 70s was probably darling and perfectly all it needed to be. And even if it was the horrible day of your memories, why make this one so hard on everyone?
There are so many stories I could tell. I’ve started a book actually. It’s so snarky and riddled with my own attitude that I could never publish it under my own name. So for now, it’s just free therapy and a diary that I hope holds me accountable to the way I treat service professionals across other industries.
My overall assessment is that weddings and engagement are so high stress that they bring out the worst in people. Perfection is not just expected, it’s demanded. The mindset of many clients is unrealistic, selfish and sometimes even dangerous. I’ve had two clients insist on things that would have put their guests in harm’s way. Who does that? It’s a little ridiculous that my lawyer had to draft a clause in my contract about minding basic safety. Like lightening. No, we will not conduct your ceremony, by a running creek, under an oak tree in a lightening storm. I’m sorry that’s so hard to imagine.
I spent the first half of my career in weddings being beaten to a pulp by clients that just didn’t get it. Horrible humans that treated me like a door mat. I could have hung the moon or written a step by step guide on how to win the lottery and they would still come back saying I got it wrong….because you know, they only won a million, not two million.
I would give and give and they would take until I had nothing more to give and they still weren’t happy. I neglected my family, I worked more hours than I knew possible and I was so overwhelmed.
Until one day when I had the courage to say “enough!” I put on my #bossbabe pants, put my foot down and took back control of my life and business. My first step was to realize that as a start-up, I’d accepted any joker willing to pay the bills. But that wasn’t going to work anymore. As I started to unpack the nitty gritty about the clients I did love working with, I realized they were all just like me. I mean, I think I’m pretty great so it’s no wonder I was liking those clients.
I made a mental shift when talking to potential clients, I began interviewing them. Because newsflash people: the customer is not always right and sometimes, biz owners get to decide if they want to work with you. It goes both ways. I began interviewing clients for emotional intelligence and everything changed.
To find clients that I enjoyed, I began really putting myself out there. Turns out, not everyone likes me but the ones that do, oh man… we have an awesome time! We are a great fit, things go super well and they sing my praises.
My courage to become meant saying YES to being comfortable with me and who I am.
Simple as it sounds, take me or leave me.
I like you, I’d love to work with you, but I don’t need you unless you need me. I stopped fitting a mold. I stopped batting my eyelashes like I was on a pathetic first date and I broke the rules by turning my website into a reflection of me. Snarky, prophetic, to the point, fun and transparent in my faith. Now, by the time clients contact me, they have me on their short list and have already mapped out a way to afford my services. I don’t have to “convince” them and I’m never asked for discounts anymore. They see my value, because I see my value and I stand confident in it.
I absolutely love my clients now. They get me. I get them. We have fun. We are friends and I genuinely care about their relationships. They are healthy and doing well! I am cheering them on. But sadly, I have no doubt that quite a few of our first clients are surely divorced by now. I sent one bride down the aisle and in no less than five minutes they were clapping and heading to the reception hall. My reaction: Uh, did you give those vows half a brain cell of thought? In my mind, I gave them all of a year before tanking.
And this one time, I experienced such a big blow out over where a cake table would go that it’s etched in my memory forever. It literally didn’t matter, there were so many great choices and they were in a relationship combat zone trying to decide. I would wonder why certain couples were together, they never seemed happy. I knew it wasn’t my place to say anything but gosh it was hard biting my tongue.
As I started to notice this shift in clientele, I realized I was facing some real opportunity. As I began to book more and more healthy clients, I was seeing the stark contrast and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I have an audience desperate to succeed in their relationships.
I never had to bite my tongue, I can see that now. I can blog about relationships and post tips and advice on Instagram and it means something. My only regret is not having realized this opportunity until now.
So for the last few months, I’ve been training to become a relationship coach through a program called SYMBIS (saving your marriage before it starts). Tell me it’s not ironic that every time I sat down to study, my husband and I would get in some tiff and I would be struck with doubt. Who am I to offer “wisdom”? What if I fail at all the things I teach? But then I am reminded of the things our marriage has endured and I ask “who am I to withhold this wisdom?”
As a wedding planner, my focus will obviously be on engaged women. I want to share my stories, relationship tips and create content for women to evaluate the health of their relationship and empower them to be strong equals with their partners.
The content may seem obvious but there are angles that are often overlooked, like how lonely engagement can be. There is no one to talk to when a case of cold feet set in and I’m honored to be that person for my brides when they need it. To normalize those fears and be a sounding board.
I’ve always placed more emphasis on the marriage than the party but what if I had been more available to my old clients? What if I had shared my insight and hope?
I can’t live with “what ifs” but I’m so grateful for a business coach that gave me the courage to be ME. To set myself apart and serve my clients in a unique way. The shift has been life-giving and the possibilities from here are full of light and excitement.
I just loved Amber's piece. Can't you feel her strength?! To get more wisdom from Amber, follow Heavenly Day Events here and also on Facebook and on Pinterest! And if your or a loved ones needs some relationship coaching or an event planner, definitely contact her here!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Sarah Donovan
The Courage to Face Anxiety + Help Women Rise
As a young girl, you could find me painting flowers or vintage VOGUE covers. I guess you could say that was the beginning of my career as an artist. And all along the way, my mom encouraged me to keep a paintbrush in my hand. Even though I tried my hand at other things, my heart always lead me back to painting.
I knew I loved art and design AND I have always had a desire to be with people and love people.
My parents were always caring for others and their family members so I have them to thank for this characteristic.
In 2006 I was blessed with the opportunity to share this love for people by visiting Uganda on a mission trip. My goal was to share love with Ugandans, but these beautiful people showed me a love that is truly indescribable.
During college, I went through a series of rough patches. I enjoyed partying and boys more than studying for a period of time. (Anybody else?) And after some questionable decisions, I came to the realization that I wasn't loving myself.
Shortly after this fun phase, I met my precious husband Andrew. And a year after graduating college (babies!), we were married.
I knew I loved Andrew when we got married, but through life's challenges, I have really gotten to know his loyalty – and I admire him the most. He is my rock, and literally the other half of me. I admire his ability to lead without being cocky, his kindness, and his love for myself and our son.
I struggled to find a job so I started teaching art at a local art school. While teaching, I took freelance creative jobs and began my stationery business, The Stationery Bakery.
At first I focused on wedding invitations and over the past few years the business had transformed and now I illustrate greeting cards, prints, and home + gift items.
But while that is my passion career wise, I also have an insane passion for loving my husband and kid.
After becoming a mom, and experiencing some personal hardships, I discovered my drive to support and love women.
Let’s rewind to 2014.
While I had a seemingly healthy pregnancy, I experienced anxiety around ultrasound appointments. And even after determining everything was fine, I turned into a beautiful anxious mess!
During the end of my pregnancy, I was convinced I was dying. And that anxiety ramped up after having George.
I was obsessed with this kid and was constantly worried something would happen to him or myself. And after a few long months of suffering the grips of anxiety, I got help from an amazing counselor in Austin, Brett Brightwell. I experienced a total identity crisis when becoming a mom!
(The identity crisis happens to most of us ;) , only I didn’t know that.) Thankfully, I was and have been able to work through the root causes of my anxiety.
In addition to counseling, it became clear that I was dealing with postpartum anxiety and OCD and so I got on medication under the guidance of Suzanne Grantham out of Austin.
When I started to feel some relief, I decided to break my silence and speak out about my experience. Speaking out was therapeutic and I met women who struggled with similar chaos. Then, I started to find a sense of community among other women.
Seeing the importance of community among women and the growing need for mental health support, I felt inspired to start a small support group. The group is called Moms Arising and the goal is to provide a safe environment that encourages women to rise up even in the midst of challenging times.
It's so hard to be a woman.
It's brutal to be a mom.
My hope is to continue to seek for answers within myself so that my confidence will encourage other women to do the same.
My anxiety is not cured, it is still a part of my life today. I still look over my shoulder from time to time waiting for a crippling panic attack. However, I have found relief in surrounding myself with a tribe that I love and trust. And my tribe is constantly evolving because of the unique people I meet each day.
In addition to my husband and my tribe, I have found a lot of healing in my faith and personal relationship with God. I used to think of God as this judging figure shaking his head at my poor decisions – but I have come to understand him as a loving father embracing me (entirely) in every moment.
We all go through scary times, but we can use those moments to reflect and meditate. Those times are what shape who we are and who we become.
Essay by: Sarah Donovan
I feel so lucky to have Sarah share her story with us! She worked through her fears AND had the wherewithal to take action and help other women! That is the definition of amazing and community and a strong woman. Wow!!!!
Stop by and say hi to Sarah and pick up some of her GORGEOUS ART WORK !
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr
The Courage to Become Fulfilled
When Catia invited me to share my story of courage in this inspiring series, I felt relieved that she and I met during my thirtieth year of life; had she propositioned me any sooner, well, then there might not have been a story to tell. This year has been the year of my becoming.
Perhaps I am a late bloomer. Maybe it is that I spent many years devoting my gifts to nurturing the blossoming of others: my husband and our marriage, our two growing boys, my many younger siblings, and the countless people I hold dear. You see, while those who know me most intimately would tell you that I have always lived a courageous life, the truth is that I am only just beginning to break free from fear and find fulfillment.
It isn’t to say that my childhood wasn’t fulfilling. My mother, a relentlessly heroic single mama, taught me grit and perseverance. We found smiles in simplicity. I was the girl who sat beneath the crooked branches of the mesquite trees in my South Texas backyard filling my journal with poetry. In the fifth grade, I earned the title of “Texas Rising Star” and had a poem published. It was my first taste of seeing my words in print. I was hooked. When interviewed at an awards banquet and asked whom I planned to be when I grew up, I confidently proclaimed that I would be a journalist and published author. In my ten-year-old heart, it was destiny. What could ever stand in my way?
Yet, over the course of my life, my fearlessness faded. My poetry became darker; my journals more filled with angst, until, at last, writing ceased altogether. I could tell you of all of the experiences that diminished my feminine power: the assaults upon my body and spirit, which profoundly affected my self worth for years to come. Experiences that shaped my perception of the world, leading me to believe that love wasn’t truly love without pain; life couldn’t truly be lived without aching. And women were intended to slowly fade away.
But that isn’t the story I want to tell you today, and the sobering truth is, if you are a woman reading this account, you likely have your own stories of injustice layered somewhere within your soul, amongst the songs of triumph and gladness.
No, I want to tell you about the day that I decided that I was courageous enough to seek fulfillment. The moment when I realized I was bold enough to become.
Before I could begin my ascent, however, I had to stop and confront my discontent.
It is difficult as a mother to say the words aloud: I long for something more. I was living a life many dream of; a life I had dreamed of myself. A man who wanted nothing more than to provide happiness and stability loved me, fully, and I loved him in return. I was healing past wounds. Growing into myself. We had welcomed two remarkable boys into the world; their ability to see every miniscule moment as marvelous brought me profound joy. Staying home to care for and homeschool them was a gift. Life wasn’t always perfect, and it was rarely easy, but it was ours.
Yet, I continued to struggle internally with feelings of worthlessness, while wearing a brave smile for the world. I played the part of gracious wife, gentle mother, patient teacher, and with each year that passed, with every moment that I spent pouring my soul into others, I felt myself drifting further and further away from the girl who once occupied my body. The girl who dreamed. The girl who put pencil to paper and wrote the words dancing in her head. The girl who believed that everyone had a story to tell. That every voice mattered. (Even my own.)
Had I not had my daughter, I might not have ever found that girl again.
We sat in the postpartum room alone together in the stillness of the night. My new beautiful baby, hours old, felt so delicate in my embrace, somehow smaller than her two brothers had been, yet her eyes were alert with wonder. She was tiny, but she exuded power. A deeply profound sense of urgency filled me as we held each other’s gaze; an urgency to become the woman I had always imagined myself to be.
How would I ever begin to teach her that she could be anything, anything, she desired, if I could not face my fears and manifest my own desires?
In the weeks that followed the fiery urgency grew; it was as if a small spark of possibility had grown into a passionately raging fire. Though I had been able to ignore it in the years that had preceded, there was no putting it out this time. There were moments that were uncomfortable, as I reconciled the fact that motherhood alone could not sustain me. For years, I hid behind the guise of the giver, acting as though my life were too busy to be able to give to myself. Yet, it wasn’t about all of the moments spent mothering. It wasn’t even about the fear trying and failing.
I was afraid to become, because if I did, I just might discover how powerful I could truly be.
(Spoiler alert: I jumped in headfirst and did it anyway.)
Laptop balanced against my knees, my six-week-old daughter nursed eagerly at my breast as the debit card shook between my trembling fingers. I purchased my little corner of the internet. A blog. A space for the words suppressed for a decade to finally exist.
As the clock counted down to a new year, tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks. “You can be anything you choose to become, baby girl. And I am going to show you it is true.”
It has been eleven months since that fateful night; they have been some of the most transformative of my life. As a mom who had her babies young and didn’t finish college, I’ve found the courage to apply for freelance writing jobs, and I have earned them. I’ve seen my words published and shared in places I have only dreamed of. I’ve met women who inspire me to share my truth and speak it loudly.
My stories are no longer shouting at me from the insides, begging to be written; out of my body and into the light they have come. And even if no one ever read them at all, it wouldn’t matter, because that has never been the point. There is joy in knowing they exist, because through their existence, I exist.
Not as Aimee: the once broken and now pieced-back-together girl. Not as Aimee: the wife, the mother, the friend; though coveted roles they all may be.
I exist as Aimee: the one with the divine gift.
(As each of you are also called to exist.)
And when my old companion fear begins to raise her voice? I look her in the eye. Aloud, I cry, “I am ready to accept the gifts offered to me,” tilting my head a little higher than even fear can stand.
Most of all, I am beginning to understand the gravity of Dr. Brene Brown’s message when she told us that “any gift that goes unused becomes a burden.”
I feel the weight of my longing lifting, and I have never felt more alive.
Essay by: Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Cristina Reyna Neel
The Courage + Irony of Becoming a Bonus Mom
For crying out loud: When the courage and irony of parenting becomes loud and clear.
True confession: I hate loud noises.
I hate loud noises and I have twin stepsons. Naturally, loud is part of the package. “Loud” is in their bones. “Loud” is the very definition of who they are when they’re together. But the truth is that I seriously loathe loud. God’s honest truth is that anxiety shoots right up my spine at the first sounds of those inevitable screams between young brothers running through the house.
This so-called “noise sensitivity” is part of who I am as an adult child of an alcoholic, or an ACOA, as we call ‘em. Yeah, there’s an acronym for that. When unpredictable commotion is a regular part of your environment growing up, it can create a visceral reaction in pretty normal situations as an adult. So now I’m the grown-up. And my kids are the ones, well, being kids.
So I close my eyes when the disorder takes over. I take deep breaths. I talk myself down from that loud ledge of uneasiness when the twin tornado comes roaring through the living room. When the television is deafening. When it sounds like a herd of elephants are tap dancing upstairs. Sometimes it works. But sometimes it doesn’t.
The back patio provides some relief, although I can often hear the sibling rivalry from out there. And that’s when I ask myself, “Is it them? Or is it me?” It doesn’t take long to decide it’s me. I’m the adult after all. Or at least I’m supposed to be.
And then I pray for Patience to show herself. Thankfully, Wisdom is usually nearby to tap my shoulder with a gentle reminder that although our childhood experiences influence the present, they don’t have to dictate our reactions.
On one particular occasion, I sat on that patio in a panic of self-doubt, feeling angry and unfit to parent. I texted my mom:
“I don’t know if I can do this. It’s. Just. So. Loud. Why do they have to be SO LOUD? ”
She responded with the cringe-worthy honesty I needed at that moment:
“I love you, my once very active and noisy little girl. Your first sitter said you were going be a cheerleader because you’d stand in your crib and yell. I remember having your hearing tested thinking you were hearing impaired because you talked so loud. I had you checked for ADD because you were so active. Enrolling you in a dance class didn’t even help get your energy out.”
Mom followed this text with lots of kissy emojis and hearts and I laughed through my tears.
“THANKS, MOM., I’m surprised you didn’t drop me off at the fire station and run!”
She told me what I needed to hear. And how could I not laugh at Irony stomping around my house in the form of two little boys?
When I met their dad, I knew it would take courage to become a bonus mom – a role I hadn’t really imagined myself filling. When this “very active and noisy little girl” pictured her future, she knew she’d become a professional, a leader, a writer and probably a wife. Stepmom, however was definitely not part of the plan. But life is what happens, right? When you’re making other plans.
Today, when I look closely at the past few years, I begin to comprehend the traditions I’ve cultivated with this precious family of mine: Family game night. Glow stick dance parties. Summer road trips. The annual corn maze. Homemade heart-shaped pizzas. Making cascarones. Crossing our favorite bridge on the last day of school. The list is long.
That’s when I see a mom staring back at me. And sometimes that mom happens to wear earplugs.
Essay by: Cristina Reyna Neel
Don't you love Cristina?! Her sense of humor is just what the doctor ordered. :)
If you'd like to get more of Cristina's work, be sure to visit her on TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM.
AND Be sure to subscribe to her Blog - Right as Reyna.
*As a side note, her Instagram is HILARIOUS! She posts quotes her boys say - this is the latest!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
“Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!”
