Catia Holm 1/18/21 Catia Holm 1/18/21

Courage to Become | Sonya Holmgaard

“Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING. ”

— Sonya Holmgaard

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Sonya is one of them.

Enjoy Sonya’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about persistence and growing and enthusiasm!!! Please welcome, Sonya.

Sonya Holmgaard

WAVE NUMBER 1

When I was a junior in high school, I met this very handsome man I immediately knew I would marry. 17 years this December. He struggled with a drug addiction that I was not aware of. I knew bits and pieces and would find things, but I was oblivious to what was going on for the most part. When I found out he would be spending 2 ½ years in a Federal Penitentiary, I was already months along with our first child. I watched him get sentenced wearing shackles and chains around his hands and feet while trying to hold myself emotionally together, not only for myself but also to keep my stress levels down and for my unborn baby's well-being.

I didn't know how strong I was then until years later. I worked two jobs and made the trip to Yankton, South Dakota, to visit him almost every weekend with my husband's grandparents or mother. I had very few friends and kept myself busy getting ready for the baby, worked, and prayed a lot. Our first child was born, and I was allowed to make a phone call to the prison to report our first baby girl's news. The hospital refused to let me put her father's name on the birth certificate for my daughter. Instead, they put dashes where his name should have been. From the beginning, even though the struggle I knew I would face, I never had any intentions to leave my husband because I knew we were to be together forever, no matter what. I knew he was my soul mate and his struggle in life was no reason to abandon him. I loved him and wasn't going anywhere.

Shortly after his sentence and before our first child, we were married privately in a small jail before being transferred to federal prison. We said I do behind glass while a local priest who was against our marriage announced our union. I cried as I messed up one of the lines the priest prompted me to say, and he scoffed at me. When I say he was against, I mean he was against it and treated us like it. Regardless, we were married, and I was in it till death do us part. I was prepared. No matter what anybody said, and they did say a lot. Others wanted me to leave him and have a "real life."

Eventually, I was allowed to bring our baby girl to the prison so her dad could see her for the first time. This was before he was transferred, so it was only an hour from where I live. I proudly held her up to the glass window for daddy to see his perfect little lady. She showed off her crooked pinkies just like his and her nose that was just like mine. That was tough. That was a sad day but also a happy day because we both loved her so much. Years later, I visited Alcatraz prison in California and had a mini-breakdown seeing the visiting area where families would visit through glass windows and use a phone to talk to each other. They probably held up their hands, and that's how they "held hands" between an inch and a half of Plexiglas. Seeing that Visitor area was challenging for me. And even harder, I knew my husband would not be able to hold his daughter. Tough. Very tough. Hard. VERY HARD.

Years later, I came back to this very prison to visit a cousin who was in trouble for drugs. My cousin boasted to his counselor about how my husband made it out and has a good life and that he knew there was a way to have another chance. The same room with the same glass window where I brought my daughter as a baby to see her daddy through the glass was in the background. Visitor room number 5. I noticed it when we walked in and pushed the feelings aside and later sat with the feelings as we drove home. It wasn't so hard this time. This time I let the feelings come. I dealt with them and thanked God for my daughter growing up into a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent woman that will not be stopped by any history our family has in the past.

The day we got to go pick up my husband, there was a party going on in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. He had worked hard and studied and learned to weld and was ready to come home. He did all the things he was supposed to do and more. In the Bible, he found himself in good people in finding a skill that he knew he could apply at a good job when he got home. By the grace of God, he had a family member there that had already almost served years of his life for drugs as well and had made a HUGE shift and change in his life to do better, and he took my husband under his wing and helped him find the way down the right path. When we all walked out of the prison doors, he kept looking behind him. It was a strange feeling for him to walk out those doors. Things were new and different, and things had changed in the big world.

AND BAM! I was pregnant, just like that with our second child. We had a small marriage ceremony that September, and I was six months pregnant in David's bridal red and white dress tailored for my swollen pregnant belly. Life was good. Years went by, and we fought a lot and made up a lot, and our marriage was tested. But as we got older, we grew more and more in love and understanding of each other. Luckily my daughter was young enough she doesn't remember, and by the time we had our second child, my husband was HOME; I'm thankful for that. WE MADE IT, and we are all right.

WAVE NUMBER 2

WAVE number 2 was coming, and I had no idea. A TSUNAMI. With no warning. And here it is. I'm just going to come out with it. My nephew was shaken by his father so severely that he almost died. He is now blind, unable to walk, unable to talk, never run, will never see, and will never have all the chances that many other kids get. We spent countless nights in a tiny family waiting room and slept in chairs and couches made out of cement, I swear. It was my job every day to wake up and make sure my sister ate so she could keep going. We were allowed to see my nephew but only with CPS breathing down our necks while they investigated. CPS took my sister alone into a room and interrogated her without my knowledge until I found out where she was and ever so kindly burst in to sit with her and hold her hand, so she wasn't alone. At the time, I didn't know how strong I was. I went through the movements to protect my sister, and even though my body went through the motions, I wasn't there; I was in another world trying to scramble and pick up the pieces from this giant confetti bomb the size of the world that just went off.

I was placed with temporary custody of my other nephew as none of the children were no longer allowed to be in my sister's care until things were straightened out. AND THE PART I COULDN'T LIVE WITH FOR A LONG TIME…I was asked to take my baby nephew, who was shaken home after they released him, and I SAID NO. I SAID NO because I had my own two kids, at the time 2-year-old nephew I had just taken custody of (and I was upfront about my husband's past…Luckily DHS let me have my nephew). I had planned on taking on my sister's other two children that were older. Eventually, their dad fought me over and ended up getting for a while. So I was planning on raising my two-year-old nephew, my own two kids, and my sister's older two kids for as long as I needed to. 5 KIDS! At the time, I didn't know it, but I took on only what I could handle. My nephew, who was shaken, was placed with my other sister, who happened to be a foster parent. I let him go there because I didn't think I would be able to take care of all the kids and get my hurt nephew to where he needed to be for hospital surgeries and care. It was going to be a long, long haul for him. I didn't think I had it in me to be strong enough to carry all that battle. I felt I could handle only so much.

About a year and a half goes by, and I am BEATING MYSELF UP EVERY DAY for not taking my nephew, who was hurt. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. DESTROYED. FELT WORTHLESS. WHAT KIND OF AN AUNT WAS I? Like how could I take on the other kids and not my poor helpless baby nephew who needed me? DEPRESSION BIG TIME. LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. DONE. WAS A WASTE OF SPACE. I WISHED IT WERE ME AND NOT MY BABY NEPHEW. I would have done ANYTHING TO TAKE HIS SPOT. So he could have a chance. So he could have a LIFE.

BUT…..

I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF THAT DARK PLACE.

I kept pouring myself into my sister's kids and my own. EVERY WAKING second was ABOUT THEM. They were well-loved and taken care of and still are.

Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING.

When my nephew was released with my other sister who took him, there were many months of grueling court battles and even a court hearing for a chance for the father of my nephew, who I had custody of to fight for him….he didn't….I was CRUSHED for him. That was a punch in the gut. I wouldn't have given him up anyway, but it was hard to hear he was done with this beautiful little Hawaiian tanned baby boy that has a smile bigger than the sun. I continued my workout journey and even got my nephew up at 5 am with me as a workout buddy and got him his milk and blanky while he laid and watched cartoons before I took him to daycare.

At the time, I Didn't know HOW STRONG I WAS.

Years later, I FORGAVE MYSELF.

FOR NOT TAKING MY HURT NEPHEW. I took YEARS to let it go. YEARS.

I went to the gulf shores, woke up before the sunrise. And that day, I decided it was time. I ran 3 miles. Then watched the sun come up, then laid in the saltwater, went under…

AND LET IT GO. I forgave myself and let it go to GOD. He took all my weight and my burden of NOT BEING ENOUGH. Up into the sky went my unanswered questions. I know now that I will never know things. Like why adults hurt small children. Why things happen that break your heart into a million pieces. Why you try to protect your loved ones, but sometimes you just can't. I let these questions GO.

And without taking any time or any love away from my children and my sister's children and my family. I poured into myself. I finally felt myself becoming stronger. Not only mentally or physically with my health journey but spiritually. I felt closer to God, and I felt my purpose. I found myself, and even though I didn't know it through all of these hardships, I WAS strong, and I was ENOUGH. I was doing everything I could and more.

Then we had to put our beloved dog Zombie down because she was sick with cancer and could no longer control her bladder. This ROCKED our family. DEVASTATED our kids. She was their best friend, and it was tough for them and all of us.

Then we lost my father in law and it was brutal on my husband and my kids, then we lost my stepfather, which I took very hard, then six months later, my biological mother got breast cancer and had to have a breast removed. There wasn't much time to recover in between blows or, as I like to call them ….waves. Our world was ROCKED, and our boat was tipping. Our boat was tipping A LOT.

AND

Speaking of waves….

WAVE NUMBER 3

Which are currently becoming whitecaps out in the stormy sea as we speak and getting ready to rock my white sandy beaches.

We have a family member who is currently missing and without getting into too much detail because I feel it would be unfair to the rest of this family at this time…we believe there was foul play involved. We are all dangling at the biggest edge of the biggest cliff, right now as we speak. We don't entirely know what is coming our way, but we have an idea, and we WILL UNITE, and WE WILL persevere, and WE WILL hold hands and come together and be gentle with each other and do whatever it is we have to do. And I believe I am strong enough to help my family through this wave. We pray still it won't turn out badly, and we are holding on by that little tiny thread of light just to get us through. But even so. I know there is always going to be a light. A big bright one with the Lord in the middle, and I believe we will be ok.

I've had three flat tires in a month, one car in the shop twice to be repaired, and my brand new 20,000 camper just flooded. I have two teenaged children…one that likes to push limits and scare the holy bejesus out of me in the middle of the night and test all the waters… and just literally called me to tell me her battery is dead…yes, that's the car that has been in the shop twice. Oh yeah, and there is also a worldwide pandemic and riots going on. But I still get up every single day, flip on my camera, say hi to the world, and do what I love doing. Helping others find that CLICK, that LIGHTBULB, that FIRE in the pit of their stomachs to change and put the work in - better themselves. I laugh a little each time I get phone calls now when it's about flat tires and car repairs, and my daughter needs a ride from 2 towns away on a Sunday night, and it's 8 pm. I laugh because these are small things that used to piss me off. But now I see them as easy small little ripple waves.

There will be more BIG waves, and there will be smaller ripple waves. And I won't be ready. I will be stronger this time around, and even if I have to drop to my knees again and again. I will get up, and I will be ok. There have been other waves before these, but I feel that those waters have calmed and smoothed out, but that doesn't mean I still don't carry the scars. I've just steadied my boat.

Now I will never treat myself with unkind words. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with hard things, I talk to myself and say… You're all right…you are all right… you're ok…. until I center. I will always put myself first to be the best possible me for my family and GOD. I no longer think of parts of my life as a nightmare but rather a season of growing and learning. I thank God for the years my husband had to grow and become a stronger father and person…without those years locked away, this could be a different story. I praise God my children were so young that they don't remember things that might have crushed them. And I believe wholeheartedly one hundred percent that people change. I believe most people are good. I believe in families sticking together; I believe that you have it in you to get through some very tough waves and battles in life, just like my family and I did and are doing still. I believe that you are tougher than you think. I believe God made us all strong. I believe change can be beautiful. If you look at things in a different light, you will see the sun where shadows once were. I also believe you need the dark, and that is a part of life. I believe that I am 36 years old, and my story is far from over. I believe in between these waves; we have the best of memories as well….kayaking, long sunny days at the lake grilling food and swimming, 16th birthdays, learners permits, family get-togethers for nieces and nephews…the ones at my sisters are the best!...new jobs, working together as a family on the house remodel, bike rides, watching sunsets on the front porch, and just waking up every single day and having each other. And I believe that no matter what, I'll always be ok. And so will you.

-"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."-JON KABAT-ZINN

Wave #4…to be continued…

You can connect Sonya on Facebook and on Instagram

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

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Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 8/13/20 Catia Holm 8/13/20

Valley, I believe in you. Thank you for believing in me. Until Soon.

The first time I left The Valley, I was 18.

In 2001, I graduated Weslaco High School and was starting my university days at UT. Weslaco was home. It was where I went to school, where my friends were, and where my family was.

I was excited but also nervous. I remember sitting in those large auditorium-style classrooms and looking around thinking, I don’t know anyone. I went back to the teeny dorm room that I shared with a stranger and wrote my dad an email. It said something like, “Dad, I’m just a number here – no one cares about me. I miss home.” I was in business school, and the people around me were SMART and FROM THE CITY! It was a stark contrast to growing up in Weslaco. In Weslaco ( a one high school town back then) I always knew my teachers and principals and let’s face it, every teacher I had knew my parents were involved – so I always felt like I mattered. I did not feel ANY of that at UT.

My dad wrote me back and told me to keep trying. He reminded me that all I had accomplished in Weslaco was not overnight; it all took time. And so I stayed, and I tried. I made friends, got involved – and three years later – I graduated. **Interesting side note. I graduated from high school with a lot of college credit – thanks, WHS! Go Panthers!! And so my parents told me this before I left for UT, “We will only pay for three years of college. So, earn your degree in 3 years.” And since I am the oldest and I believed everything they said, and since I didn’t have any money – I earned my degree in three years. I would later learn - that was a lie – and they would have paid for my college for as long as it took. Parents. LOL

I’d come back weekends to watch my younger brothers play football and for any other important occasion – you know how Mexican families are. Together.

After UT, I went to graduate school in Houston and was further away from The Valley. But I always knew I could come home. I knew there were people —my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family friends that feel more like angels --- who wanted me to visit.

In my 20s, I traveled, I dated, explored with my young life – but like a boomerang, I always came back home.

When Guapo and I were early on in our relationship – he would say things like, “it’s your parents’ home, it’s not your home.” And I’d say, “No. It is my home.” And he’d always stay confused – wondering why a 29-year-old woman would still call her parents’ home - home. I remember the first time he came to Christmas in The Valley. We gave him a uniform, and he worked Christmas Eve at Holiday Wine and Liquor – like a good boyfriend!

I managed the store; he managed the line of customers. At that time, Guapo was a pretty accomplished lawyer – and he wasn’t exactly used to working late on Christmas Eve helping customers out to their car with boxes – but he was in love!

Later that night, we went to my Abuelita’s for buñelos and tamales, and he had a big grin. “This is so nice.” “Yes, it is,” I said.

—

When Alexandra was only a few months old, Carlos, my youngest brother and I rented a home. It was a three-bedroom house—one bedroom for Carlos, one for me, and one for Alexandra. One week a month – Alexandra and I would drive from Austin to McAllen. My mom got to spend time with Alexandra, and I got to work at Holiday. We’d have pizza night and movie night – and God bless Carlos and his now-wife Ashley – I’d be pumping breast milk and interrupt their date to take the breast milk to the refrigerator. The things we do!

Uncle Los being epic with baby Alexandra

Guapo and I grew, and Luciana came along, and we moved to Central America. And the more and more Guapo evolved as a papa – the more he said things like, “I am never leaving the girls. They can always live with us; maybe I’ll pay them not to go to college and hang out with me.” I looked at him and said, “You’re a Mexican dad, after all.”

And then, in casual conversation, I said, “Imagine Alexandra marrying someone and moving to another country. Imagine having to travel 12 hours to see your kid.”

That notion sat with us and when we knew we were coming back to the US – we said, “Let’s go be with family for a while.” And so after Central America, in October of 2019, we moved back to The Valley.

The last year has been full of transitions.

New schools, friends, a new house, a change in lifestyle, and then, Corona. My goodness.

Guapo and the girls and I have been through a ton.

When Corona started in March, Guapo got sick, and we thought it was Corona. Guapo had already quarantined for ten days in our room. So I was the mom, nurse, cleaning lady around the clock for a few weeks – and I was already frazzled. Then one morning, his lips became discolored, and so we decided that he go to the ER. But moms don’t get to fall apart – at least not right away – because there’s still snack time, playtime, lunchtime, and bedtime. He packed his bag and went to the ER, and I did THE GROUP TEXT—the one where you ask people for help and prayers.

Immediately, everyone came to bat in big ways.

My Uncle dropped food on my doorstep, and within the hour, a family friend had called her suegra – and the suegra worked at the hospital, and she was able to get me information on Guapo that I would not have gotten otherwise. People just sent us their love in whatever way they could. Paper goods so I wouldn’t have to wash dishes, flowers, food, prayers. Love looks like a lot of things.

Christmas Brunch with framily - December 2019

During our time here, the girls have played with family, eaten raspas, and walked through the Valley Lemon orchards. They were flower girls for the first time and got to see their Uncle Los and Tia Ashley marry. When we drive by Weslaco stadium, Luci yells, “Panthers! Mommy – you went to Panthers!”

Weslaco High School Football game - October 2019

Alexandra sings the Holiday Wine and Liquor jingle every time she passes a Holiday. Alexandra just kind of thinks everyone has a business. She asked her grandparents to give her a building ( an entire one) – so she can open a gift shop. She wants to sell lemonade from the gift shop for $5.00. It’s excellent lemonade.

Alexandra and her Uncle Los at Holiday Wine and Liquor

For a while, Alexandra called it, “Mexi-callen,” instead of McAllen.

The girls have had so much fun with my parents. One night, my mom told Alexandra, “mi casa es su casa.” So about a month ago as we were leaving my parent’s house – Alexandra rearranged some decorations. And she said, “this is my house too.” “Yes, it is sweet girl.”

By being here in The Valley, I got to remember what it was like to feel The Valley breeze and see the palm trees swaying in the wind. I got to see friends on a quick run to the grocery store and be called, Catia Hernandez. And people ask – even still – are you David and Nellie’s girl? Yes, I am.

My 36th birthday cake and song in my dad’s office

I was able to officiate the wedding for my brother and sister-in-law.

Getting to officiate my brother’s and sister-in-law’s wedding

Plus, I got to be with my parents during all of this Corona mess. Did you know I have worked for my parents pretty much my entire life? I do ALL sorts of things for Holiday Wine and Liquor and the Texas Valley Lemons – but I was able to kick it into high gear for Holiday when Corona hit – and that was a big blessing.

And even with all the junk going on – I was able to get grounded. To feel loved and welcomed – to see old friends, to take morning walks on familiar trails.

I was able to spend Sunday afternoons with my folks and ask my mom for help with things that I could do myself if I had to. And, this was the first time in a long time that I was able to celebrate mother’s day and father’s day with my folks – in person!

I drove on the farm and got stuck in the mud. I was able to get all my art fixed up by my favorite frame shop and eat greasy taqueria. I even taught Guapo how to say things like, “this chick.” (You will only get this is you’re from The Valley.)

The Valley and this community is so dear to me.

Many people here have believed in me and have given me actual opportunities. They have taken leaps of faith on me, and I am truly humbled by it.

They’ve let me lead their groups, invited me to sit on boards, loaned me their church alters, supported my book and become my clients.

Guys, the Barnes and Noble on Nolana ( in McAllen) gave me my first ever Barnes and Noble book placement, got posters printed with my face on it, and held a book signing for me. Then, on book signing day – the staff gave me a locket that I still wear to this day. I’m grateful to Barnes and Noble – but I know that wasn’t Barnes and Noble – that was Valley people supporting other Valley people.

The Valley believes in me – and I believe in The Valley.

Fernando Rivera, Kay Jancik, me, Erren Seale - at a public speaking event at St. John’s Episcopal - May 2018

Susie Robertson and me - love her! - at a public speaking event - May 2018

Dora Brown and me at a keynote address for RGV Women of Purpose - March 2018

A keynote address - RGV Women of Purpose - March 2018

Emceeing - The Festival of Color - October 2019

Vanessa Pardo and Monique Condes - my girlfriends who always cheer me on!

When my edges are unraveling – The Valley, Weslaco, my parents, my family – they shore me up. They get me good and strong for the next adventure. And that’s what the last year has felt like.

Tomorrow, I will leave The Valley again.

We bought our first home (does this make me a real adult?), and we are going to settle in for a while, hopefully, a long while.

I’m looking at all the cardboard boxes I’ve packed, our rental house in shambles, teary and grateful for the last year.

Guapo and the girls drove ahead, and so I have some time to write and think.

I never quite know where life is taking me ( us ), but I am happy that I got to come back to The Valley, and live here – with my handsome mid-western husband and my two amazing girls.

In my work, sometimes parents ask me, “how do I get my kids to stay, to come back? I don’t want them to leave.” And I always say, “Be kind, actively welcome them. Don’t try to control them. Give them stability. Create a safety net of love and understanding. Cook them a meal. Leave space in your life for them – maybe even some space in your house. Let them explore and play and always welcome them home for love.”

My mom and dad are coming over tonight. They are bringing me Koko’s fajitas, and we are going to have a socially distanced last supper before tomorrow’s big move. And I am just full of gratitude.

The Valley is in a tough spot right now, but it’s such a special place. Full of grit and love and hope.

Valley – you’re such good people. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams. I believe you are strong. I know you will overcome.

Until soon, friends. You know I’ll be back.

pier straigh forward with books - Copy.jpg

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 8/5/20 Catia Holm 8/5/20

Courage to Become | Melissa Gauna

It was challenging going back to school while raising two young boys. But my husband was very supportive, and we made it work. It took me about 5-6 years to finish and complete my certifications as a holistic nutritionist and Nutritional Therapist. I'd travel from Atlanta, GA to Austin, TX, for exams, but I did it. It took time, sleepless nights of studying, reading, and researching, but it has been worth it.

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Enjoy Melissa’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about nourishing our bodies. I know you will too! Please welcome, Melissa

Melissa Gauna, NTP, CHNC of Nutritional Therapy Services

Tell us a little bit about yourself:

Professionally, I'm a Nutritional Therapist who focuses on gut health and autoimmune conditions. I had some health challenges in the past, which I overcame using food.

Also, I'm a momma to 2 strong-willed boys, wife to a wonderfully loving, supportive husband, and I have a newfound love for house plants and herb gardens. As a nutritionist, I am passionate about my work and thoroughly enjoy helping others make dramatic improvements to their health.

I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma outside of Tulsa and will forever treasure the memories and friends made there. I now live in south Texas, in the Rio Grande Valley and have felt right at home as soon as I moved here. I believe in continuous self-improvement, in learning from others, and staying grounded. I love coffee, baking gluten-free goodies & spending time outdoors with my feet in the dirt/sand/grass!

On many occasions, you will find me [with a glass of organic red wine in tow] in the backyard following my husband around as he tends to the flower garden, lawn, and all of our beautiful plants. He's got the green thumb!

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

After I graduated from college with a business degree, I worked for a few years in marketing and sales. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. It was a paycheck. When I was growing up, the feeling was that you should go to school, find a good-paying job, and move up the corporate ladder. But it didn't feel right. I remember being at work daydreaming of being out there in the world doing anything else but doing the job I was doing then. The concept seemed foreign to me because I was raised believing that doing something on your own was too risky; you could fail and lose money, which would be irresponsible.

But it was always in the back of my mind to quit what I was doing and change careers. I dreamed of making my schedule, calling the shots in my own life and career. I didn't want to spend time making someone else money; I wanted to work independently. And life has a funny way of working out. Your thoughts have power.

My husband and I had decided to start a family, and I quit the sales job and focused on raising my family. After my first son, my health deteriorated, and to make a long story short; I exhausted my options in the conventional medical world. I went to many doctors, specialists, and everything in between. I couldn't find answers, and by God's grace, I somehow started reading and learning about how certain foods can affect skin conditions; I was dealing with debilitating eczema at the time. And from then, my life changed.

I found healing through food and decided that I wanted to help others heal as well. And the rest is history. I now work with my Nutritional Therapy clients and work at a local clinic here in Edinburg twice a week. More importantly, I have more freedom and call the shots in my own life and career. I make my schedule and have the freedom to walk away from any job/work that doesn't feel right. My work has a purpose, which to me - is more valuable than working for a paycheck.

How did it feel getting started?

Changing careers was not an easy decision. Your fear can hold you back, and I was afraid of what others would say. I worried that my business degree had been a waste of time. I worried about going back to school while my kids were little. And I talked myself out of it many times, thinking, "just stick to what you already know."

But I needed purpose. The idea of leaping was scary, but I kept thinking to myself, "I can't go back to corporate America." I had to do it.

Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started changing career paths?

It was challenging going back to school while raising two young boys. But my husband was very supportive, and we made it work. It took me about 5-6 years to finish and complete my certifications as a holistic nutritionist and Nutritional Therapist. I'd travel from Atlanta, GA to Austin, TX, for exams, but I did it. It took time, sleepless nights of studying, reading, and researching, but it has been worth it.

What motivates you to stay on this career path?

Helping others heal is a great motivator. And knowing you are making a difference in people's lives is very rewarding. When a client calls to tell me that their doctor took them off medication because of the changes they made to their diet and lifestyle, that's worth celebrating. Or when a client who has suffered from stomach issues most of their life writes to tell me that they no longer fear eating out with friends or no longer worry about running to the restroom or having an accident; you know their quality of life has improved!

Which living person do you most admire?

I admire my mother the most. She's been my biggest cheerleader all of my life. She loved being a stay at home, and I remember she was always there for my siblings and me growing up. She's a true nurturer, but don't get me wrong, she also pushed us hard. She expected a lot from us, which helped us not give up easily and be more disciplined.

When you're young, it's easy to give up on things that are hard and take the easy road, for example, school. But my parents, [particularly my mom] always pushed us not to be afraid of dreaming big. She taught us to take pride in everything we did and not settle for less than we deserve.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Honestly, I wish I had the gift of being organized. I can get distracted easily, so that can make it a challenge to stay on task when trying to organize my workspace, my living space, my time, etc..

What is your most marked characteristic?

I believe a marked feature of mine is a thirst for knowledge. I thoroughly enjoy reading and learning new things; I am almost always enrolled in some online courses. You could say I'm a course junkie.

What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?

There's a famous saying by Ben Franklin, "nothing is certain except death and taxes." However, somehow that evolved into a spin-off for me that goes something like, "there's always a solution to every problem, except death and taxes." This motto helps me remain solution-oriented; rather than focusing and lamenting over a particular problem. I accept the challenge and focus all of my attention on finding a solution. This is something I teach my boys, as well. When they're upset about something that has happened, whether in school or with friends, I remind them to focus on finding a solution. I feel people sometimes find themselves too focused on their problems when they should focus all of their energy on finding a solution to change their situation.

So I tell my kids, "don't' ever feel like there's a problem too big to solve; God's the answer, and we'll always find a solution." I never want my kids to feel like they're stuck or feel like there's no way out of a situation. I let them know they always have the power to change their situation and instill in them hope and strength within themselves to improve whatever makes them unhappy.

But I remind them, "there's no way out of death & taxes."

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

First of all, I'm proud to be raising two smart, curious, rambunctious boys. I'm proud to admit that I apologize to them when I'm wrong because I want them, it's ok to accept when your 'e wrong and work to make it right.

And of course, I feel proud to have completed a college degree, not only for myself but also because it made my parents proud. I'm proud to then have changed careers years later and go back to school again. And I'm also proud that my new career has been so fulfilling and that I'm able to help people get and stay healthy. It's a gratifying career.

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in the mud?

What keeps me going is my faith and knowing that I am part of a bigger purpose; I believe we all have a purpose on this Earth and accept that life has challenges. It's how we face those challenges that make us who we are. My faith gives me hope, and so I hold onto it dearly.

What's one piece of advice you'd give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

One piece of advice I'd give to other women who are about to take a leap of faith is to trust the process. When you feel unhappy in a job, in a career, or in a relationship, that's God's way of telling you there's more out there. Find what gives you purpose, what fulfills you, and fiercely create a life you love.

What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?: To my 20-year-old self, I'd tell her to stop caring about what others think of her. When you're young, worrying about other people can hold you back because of fear. It's the fear of being criticized or ridiculed, which often keeps us from dreaming big and putting ourselves out there. I had a lot of that, and I wish I could've changed that.

Melissa Gauna, NTP, CHNC

Nutritional Therapy Services, LLC offers nutritional counseling to address digestive disorders, blood sugar dysregulation, weight loss, adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalances, food sensitivities and more. Nutritional Therapist and Certified Holistic Nutritionist, Melissa Gauna, counsels clients on how to use food as medicine and how to transition from the Standard American Diet (SAD) to a nutrient-dense, whole-foods diet. She believes in bio-individuality and believes the body has the innate ability to heal itself, given the right foods.

Melissa teaches group classes, offers corporate wellness programs and also counsels one-on-one. She is very passionate about her work and building strong relationships with her clients. If you have doctor's orders to eat better, Melissa can help bridge the gap between doctor's orders and your efforts at home. Melissa partners with licensed practitioners in the Rio Grande Valley to create true partnerships in health.

Be sure to connect with Melissa on

Instagram // Facebook // and on her website - Heal Your Gut Love Your Body

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 7/1/20 Catia Holm 7/1/20

Courage to Become | Iliasis Muniz

What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?
Be exactly who you are, and believe in yourself no matter what.
At twenty years old all I was thinking about was getting married and having babies. Although my life was 100% opposite of what I thought I wanted, I knew who I still wanted to be inside. I just wanted to be me. Whoever that girl was, I just wanted to be the most honest and open soul for myself and others.
By 20, I was living at my ex-husband's parents' house and basically without a job. He saved me from being out on the streets and moving from house to house. I will never regret my love for him, but I will regret thinking I was just a woman who could only marry and have children.
Life, later on, proved I was more than just that.

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Enjoy her story of becoming. Iliasis and I started working together about 5 years ago. She photographed Alexandra for her 1-year portraits, they were divine and we’ve been working together and friends ever since. I have seen her grown and stretch and step into her own light. Please welcome, Iliasis.

Iliasis Muniz from Iliasis Muniz Photography

Tell us a little bit about yourself:

On growing up:

I can say that my most favorite place to live has so far been Texas. I have been in the South Padre Island area (bay area) for 15 years this summer, and it has allowed me to be who I always wanted to be for myself. My mother, who I do not have a relationship with anymore, took me on a roller coaster of a ride since the day I was born.

I was born in Hampton, Va, and visited my father/family for the first time when I was three years old. My father was getting married to another woman when my mother was pregnant with me, and let's say that I understood why she wanted to leave our beautiful island of Puerto Rico.

Shortly after, my mother fell in love with a man named Johnny, who was in the Navy, and he showed my mother and me the world. We lived in Hawaii, Italy, and visited many other places. Then at the age of 11, my mother ran into an incident with the law, and there I went for the first time to live with my grandmother in Puerto Rico.

Her mom, who was already taking care of my older brother Bryan who is Autistic. She was the one who also was extremely overprotective and lived in a poor area. It was humbling to be raised where I thought my whole life was supposed to take place. Time passes by, and my momma was ready to care for me again. I am now 15, and she is living in Texas with her new boyfriend. I knew when I got on that plane; I wasn't going back to Puerto Rico. I had experienced a lot already as it was and felt like my life would not have been able to grow if I'd stay in Puerto Rico.

Again, my relationship with my mother has always been a confusing journey. Now almost 30, I have realized a lot of my mother's decision had nothing to do with me, yet it felt like it was against me. I went back to my mother with so much anger and confusion and felt abandoned by her. I didn't understand why she'd just drop me off, so at 17 years old, I left the house to go live with my first boyfriend and lover.

My mother and I fell into another argument, and the words she expressed to me that day put fire in my heart to be a better version of myself to prove to her I could make it without her ever again. She said, "Of course I'll choose him over you, he pays the bills you don't.”

From that moment on, I had a mission to give myself the best I had to offer without her or anyone's judgment. I've been without my family here in Texas ever since. Of course, I visit my family back in Puerto Rico every year or two, but my mother... she is who made me and created me! She is who I will forever thank for giving me a chance to live life on my own. I love her and understand her, but I didn't have to become her. That is what I want and hope for others to know.

On love:

I have also experienced a nine-year relationship with my ex-husband, which was not a smooth journey. The man I married was intelligent, handsome, and had the family goals that I never thought existed. He was, at one point, the man of my dreams, but of course, with time and growing, things change. We changed as a couple, and we changed as individuals.

I never thought I would find out two months before my wedding that my future husband had cheated on me and was dabbling in a lifestyle of the "rich and famous". I believe that when we fall hard onto the ground face first, we mustn't cry, and we mustn't allow others to see our pain. However, we should take that pain and turn it into victories and positivity for ourselves. At least that is how I cope through difficult times.

Two years passed and life took us both again into two different directions. My reasons for staying with a spouse who cheated were my own, and I knew no one could ever take that away from me because I was going to be the only one who would experience it. My life with my ex-husband not only showed me what I did and did not want for myself anymore, but it also brought incredible observation as to why I made certain choices in my life while growing up. I am forever grateful for this struggle as it has indeed brought out my soul's strength that I always knew was there.

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

The one thing I dreamt of doing was being a boss. Running someone's company and being able just to be free. I never thought my dream would come true. Now here I am running a boss babe business all on my own and feeling freer than ever in life. It came with a lot of hard work, but not once did I ever doubt myself. I lost girlfriends at the beginning of my career because they simply didn't think I was serious. Eight years this September, I continue to be blessed and thankful for all of what God has given me. My strength, my pure soul, and open heart were what got me here. I've had this drive since I was 15, looking for the opportunity to become who I wanted to become.

How did it feel getting started?

It felt exhilarating! I knew I wanted it; I knew I had what it took. My life had gotten me there for a reason. I never mentioned this prior because every detail is hard to remember about your life, but as I look back on it all now, God had set me up for this career. I just hadn't realized it yet. Before finding my career as a professional photographer, I worked three jobs. I worked at clothing store Isla/Rica as a sales rep, I was a teller at a local bank, and the bank owner hired me as his bookkeeper for his new restaurant on the island. What a perfect way to prep before starting your own business! Sales, banking, and bookkeeping. At 22 I didn’t think I was ready. Yet, here He is making things happen all because I just listened to Him. I am beyond grateful for the growth from then to now and can say He truly exists, and we just simply have to listen to what he gives us in our lives.

Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started as a photographer?

To be honest, the hardest obstacle that I had faced when I got started was losing my relationship with my ex-husband. I didn't know that my excitement and a newfound love for my career changed the way he looked at me. I knew he was happy for me, but I think he might have been upset that he hadn't found his nitch yet in life. I was very young and we weren't married yet, so I was putting my career in the front row more than I was putting our relationship. Personally, I thought he would find me more attractive for being the independent woman that I was and being able to hold my own. But overtime, we grew apart.

Being so young while in a very serious relationship and not understanding balance is something I wish someone had guided me on. I wish when this all began, I could have known and started to teach myself balance of all things that I love, but that was not the path that was intended for me. Everything happens for a reason

What motivates you to stay positive throughout all the hardships?

To be honest, love is what has kept me going and feeling like a survivor. I know that if I continue to show myself love and show others love that we can keep growing. We can keep going through hardships and feel the pain, but also understand that this had to happen to get to your destination. Which is where He wants you to be. No matter how hard the situation you are facing, you must not stop loving. Keep loving yourself, keep loving others, keep loving what you are doing in life. Whether it is with your career, your children, your spouse, even your animals, just keep that heart open and your mind free. Everything ends up falling back into place if you simply go through it with love and not anger.

Which living person do you most admire?

Ah, this one is one of the hardest questions for me. I have been blessed to have crossed paths with some pretty amazing people in the past almost 30 years of my life. Since my relationship with my mother hasn't been what I hoped for, I have personally become friends with many women who are a few years older than I am. I find myself friends with women who I aspire to be. The majority of my closest friends are mothers. I wish I could talk about every one of them, but this one amazing friend has shown me a different side of strength. She is a mother of two daughters, a fighter of on and off going depression, and an amazing wife/sister/daughter to her family. Verna has been my best friend for the past five years of my life. She's accepted change in so many ways and is one of my few friends who knows herself inside and out. I have learned so much about life and love because of her. She expresses love the way I wish I had when growing up. She fights with tears and her heart vs. anger and fear. She isn't perfect. She is such an understanding friend. She enjoys her space as much as I do, but when we get together again, we stuff our faces with our energy. I admire the way she lives life and the way she gives life to others. She is sensitive and yet a fighter at the same time.

Verna is an amazing woman and someone who I hope to have in my life forever. She just moved to Panama with her husband and two daughters. What a change, and the crazy part is that I have been blessed to be by her side through it all with her. We were in the car together, heading to a function when she received the text message from her husband about the opportunity. I immediately started to tear up, but at the same time rushed to say DO IT! What do you have to lose if you don't? From that moment on, I knew we were still going to stay best friends because when you love someone so much, you want to see them succeed. You want them to have the best life possible, and I knew being in the RGV wasn't it for her. Since then, I have visited her in Panama, because I wanted to show her how much I still love her friendship. My best friend, Verna is a warrior!

Which talent would you most like to have?

I wish I could sing. I love singing around the house and most and about, but to be brutally honest, I am not very good. When I was in school in Virginia, choir audition for the lead role of Star-Spangled Banner. I, of course, auditioned because I loved to sing. Well, this sweet girl beat me, and from that moment on, I knew my life wasn't meant for me to be a singer. So yes, my most wished talent would be to sing with a good melody.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My most marked characteristic would have to be my positivity about life. I try my best to look at things and change perspective immediately when a negative comment is made because it's how we should all look at life. We should turn our frowns upside and be thankful for every little thing we have for ourselves and loved ones surrounding us. Things can always be worse, so by keeping that mindset in the negative place. Happiness is the key to staying alive and surviving. Positivity brings warmth, hope, and love to our souls. Which at the end of our time is the only thing we get to keep with us in the afterlife. At least that is what I am hoping for when my time comes, to simply have a happy soul.

What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?

Always think positive and change your perspective in life. I am a true believer in people's energy and like to keep my vibes high. That's why I feel like photography was a perfect choice for me as a career. I genuinely feel as if my positive energy helps creates the smiles I capture on my camera.

My way of using my skills of positivity and change of perspective is what has allowed me to be the person that I am today and keep my business doors open to the community. As we begin to work together, natural laughs and smiles start to show.

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

Well, just to be living -- to be honest. This world, at any time in age, has been tough to live. We have changed so much over the last decade alone, and to be honest, I am just blessed to be still standing with an open heart, healthy soul, and communicative mind. When I left Puerto Rico at 15, I couldn't imagine where my life would have taken me. I never once believed that my life would be the way it is with all the ups and downs. I am blessed just to have accomplished life itself for almost 30 years. Just reaching 30 this summer will be my best accomplish yet. I am genuinely just thankful to be still alive and well.

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in mud?

My faith in myself. We all believe in a higher power, and I believe that He lives inside of me, which makes me powerful. He lives in me and is the one guiding me, so as long as I know my faith and believe in myself, everything will be fine. I know that if I am sad, He will be sad. I know that if I am happy, He will be happy. God is truly in all of us and therefore, we are all Gods. So if I am keeping myself, my body, and soul in the healthiest way possible then He will be feeling the same. I continue to tell myself these things anytime, and every time something happens in my life. Good or bad. The only person that can get us out of the mud is ourselves. So trust in yourself and have faith that you can do anything, and you will survive.

What's one piece of advice you'd give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

BE STRONG! BE BRAVE! BE FEARLESS!

Those three powerful keys have helped me arrive at where I am at in life. Being strong for yourself is the hardest thing you can do because we rely on other people's love and energy to heal us, but in all reality, we have it all along to heal ourselves. We need to listen and have the strength to feel it. Being brave for yourself is a huge key to getting anywhere in life, because without that energy, how will you be able to say yes to the next chapter. Say yes, even if you aren't brave enough. It will get you to where you belong to be. Being fearless is something I feel like we all struggle with because, well, let's face it, its scary! But if you focus on being strong, and being brave, being fearless comes naturally. Those two energies, I believe is what allows you to become a courageous woman. We can do anything to be and get where we deserve to be, but without those energies, in your heart and soul you won't be able to get there. I mean, get there with knowing you did it for yourself and on your own. That is the power we have as women—strength, Bravery, and being fearless.

What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?

Be exactly who you are, and believe in yourself no matter what.

At twenty years old all I was thinking about was getting married and having babies. Although my life was 100% opposite of what I thought I wanted, I knew who I still wanted to be inside. I just wanted to be me. Whoever that girl was, I just wanted to be the most honest and open soul for myself and others.

By 20, I was living at my ex-husband's parents' house and basically without a job. He saved me from being out on the streets and moving from house to house. I will never regret my love for him, but I will regret thinking I was just a woman who could only marry and have children.

Life, later on, proved I was more than just that.

The fact that down the line in our relationship, I realized I couldn't conceive a child like the average woman was what changed my mind on who I was supposed to be. I had grown up thinking I was supposed to be this amazing mother and amazing wife. I never thought in a million years I was going to be her anytime soon.

To my 20-year-old self — be who you are, and don't be afraid of her. Don't be scared of anyone, anything, and especially any of the ideas of change.

I am who I am supposed to be today, and I will never take any of my life experiences away.

Iliasis Tyane is a professional photographer and owner of a local children's boutique, Tyane's Baby Boutique. Originally from Aguadilla, Puerto Rico, Iliasis moved to the small town of Port Isabel at the age of 15 as a young girl with big dreams. Shortly after graduating high school, she discovered her passion for photography, and that quickly blossomed into a successful and thriving photography business. Iliasis, or "Ily" as she is known to most, is self-taught and self-made, which speaks volumes about her dedication, persistence, and determination to be successful. She effortlessly juggles not only her photography business, but also runs her baby boutique all on her own. She is a total go-getter who personally manages all aspects of her businesses; from photographing clients to advertising and promoting herself via social media and other platforms, to buying and stocking for her boutique, Ily really does it all! In just 7 years of operating her photography business she has made quite a name for herself, and has even been featured with an article in The Bump magazine for her popular cake smash sessions. On top of being a successful business owner, Ily has become a supporter and mentor for other aspiring photographers in and around Texas. She now shares her amazing gift for photography and the knowledge she has gained through her years of experience by way of her photography workshops. Through her work, she is empowering other women to pursue their passions and follow their dreams just as she did. At only 29 years old, she is an incredible example of the "American dream". She is truly an inspiration too many women and is someone we can all learn so much from. She has also been a Guest Speaker for Social Empowerment Movement Supporter.

Be sure to connect with Iliasis on her social media channels and her website.

Iliasis Muniz on Facebook / Iliasis Muniz on Instagram / Iliasis Muniz Website

Hi friend!

Welcome to Bright Light.

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.

Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.

I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.

I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.

You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 6/24/20 Catia Holm 6/24/20

Courage to Become | Shea Jones

Becoming a youth pastor who has never been to seminary is also an obstacle for me. It was one of my pastor's ideas and sounded crazy to me at first. But, he said... “you're already doing it, Shea.” So, I worry about the teaching aspects sometimes and try to overcompensate with the connection, fun, community & service parts, but I'm also a natural learner so I think deep down I'm capable.

A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.

Enjoy her story of becoming. Shea makes me grin from ear to ear because she cares so much. I can feel her caring through the internet. She loves her people and her community well, she wants the best for all of us, and she’s not afraid to work hard at those things. Please welcome, Shea!

Shea Jones from Austin New Church

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I'm a mom of two sassy elementary-aged girls. A wife, friend, daughter, youth pastor (for 4 yrs), and accountant (for 20). I've always been a bit of a rebel, from a young age. I could never shake my head yes if my gut said no. Which caused strife when I was younger and I learned how to navigate it better, to show discernment in responding, to make it count, to be heard, and helpful. I was raised by people who told me my voice mattered which I didn't realize was somewhat uncommon, so I have always believed it does, matter.

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

I majored in government at UT Austin and always wanted to be in politics or become a lawyer. I've done neither.

I love that I get to tell my students that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And that I added a new career (pastoring) at 38 yrs old. I didn't love school so I think that's part of why I never became a lawyer... although I worked a lot while I went to college (and had a decent amount of fun) so maybe that's why I didn't totally love it. Because I do love learning. I haven't been in politics because I think because I realized how risky, and uncertain it is and that doesn't pair well with my control-freak tendencies.

I'm also not sure I have thick enough skin.

Although... because my life & church is so driven by social justice issues in a way I feel like I get to do parts of both, just without the official title. I also have super loved getting involved in local politics.. my city and school board, etc. -- just taking every opportunity to get to know them because I feel like local politics can be super hard to feel connected to and understand.

Shea with the Austin New Church Students

How did it feel getting started?

I feel like I'm always getting started.

I've never been a visionary or dreamer. Any job or opportunity I've gotten hasn't been because I've dreamed it up. It's generally been pointed out by someone else that I should try it. Or I've just tried to work hard, kind, and be impactful wherever I've been, which I think has left me open to the things that have come my way and been a part of my journey. My husband is a dreamer.. he's creative... know's where he wants to retire & what he wants to be doing (fly fishing)... and I've always been pretty content to just be with my people, so I'll pretty much be where he is with some books. At first, I used to feel inadequate around him because I didn't have a dream to be a rock star or write music, but I realized it's what makes us work, and it's okay to not know what you want next. But be curiously & optimistically open for whatever presents itself.

Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started pastoring?

When I think about my life I think I have always been blessed with family, resources, support & friendship.

Some general challenges in my life have been my dad committing suicide when I was 24 (due to alcoholism & depression) and my parents’ divorce I believe. My husband also had a little sister pass when he was in middle school from Muscular Dystrophy so we're very aware that our lease of parenting, love, relationships are very much affected by both having lost someone in our immediate families sooner than you're generally 'supposed' to.

We know that makes us appreciate what we have & try to be present, but we also know it makes us worry & fear. The people we have lost are never far from our thoughts and that can be both a good & bad thing I think. Becoming a youth pastor who has never been to seminary is also an obstacle for me. It was one of my pastor's ideas and sounded crazy to me at first. But, he said... “you're already doing it, Shea.” So, I worry about the teaching aspects sometimes and try to overcompensate with the connection, fun, community & service parts, but I'm also a natural learner so I think deep down I'm capable.

I've also 'been in church' my whole life so that should count for something. The difference is since I didn't have a clue I'd be a pastor one day (was NEVER on my radar) I didn't listen in church the way you would if you thought you'd be teaching it one day. Maybe that's the lesson.. we should all be prepared to teach anything we're learning. Another recent obstacle is the kidney donation thing that happened 2 years ago, but I don't talk about that a ton bc it feels weird. It was a super-spiritual process for me, which would be a whole other paragraph+ but the gist is I didn't want fear to lead my decision. I felt it was important for my kids to see that, and I do believe that as we can we are meant to give back all we have, because Jesus told us to.

What motivates you to be a pastor?

I am motivated mostly by CONNECTION. One of my pastor bosses had me do the Strengthfinders 2.0 test and that was revealed to me. It makes me realize that connection drives most of what I do, how I respond, where I find my purpose & my gratitude. I can't stand fluff, or surface, or cliche for the life of me. That is the downfall. I crave authenticity to a fault - probably.

Which living person do you most admire?

I've always LOVED Oprah. When she had her last show about 8-9 years ago I had a watch party with like 30 friends. We made Oprah's favorite cocktail (Moscow mule), we served O-shaped food. It was a blast. And felt a bit like the end of an era. Oprah stood up for all people before it was cool. I had friends who didn't like her because she was too inclusive. Which is probably why I love her.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Singing! I literally can't carry a tune but I love to sing. And maybe sometimes I can if I'm lucky but the problem is I'm so tone-deaf that I wouldn't know it. And my husband's a musician so it extra hurts. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in my grandparent's church when I was around 8 years old that I couldn't sing... I actually have always felt VERY loved by him despite how he left this earth, and know he was trying to be funny, but his comment has stuck with me.

What is your most marked characteristic?

I think I'm kind of an asshole. I've gotten better at reigning it in, but as I've said I kind of always have been an IDGAF person. In fact, I should probably read a book that says "You should give a F more than you do!" LOL. I know this helps me in times but it has hurt relationships too, so I've had to learn from it. Learn how to become a better LISTENER. Actually work at that skill. I did when I started having coffee with people after the last presidential election, who voted differently than me. I knew politics weren't going away and neither was social media, so I really wanted to do a sampling and LISTEN, CONNECT, UNDERSTAND (even if we don't agree), then figure out how to TREAT each other better. Figure out why I responded so passionately inside myself.

What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?

I feel like my favorite motto changes about every quarter or so based on what I'm experiencing or learning at the time. I got this from a recent online boundaries course (by Kay Bruner) ... "literally the only thing we can control is the way we love each other."

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

I'm proud to be a good friend, mom, wife, and granddaughter. I'm proud to love teenagers well just as they are. To create a safe space for them to explore their faith. To be fully themselves, to not fear to ask hard questions or uncertainties... to fear silence about those things instead. I wasn't comfortable with the title youth pastor at first but I am now. And still today I will Google the word pastor and then think... yes, I am spiritually guiding teens. I am a pastor.

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in mud?

I'm not one to open up to many when I'm down but I can be vulnerable with a few close friends, and especially my mom and husband. The funny thing about Tommy (my husband) and me is we were head over heels in love and talked marriage early on but he was oddly practical about making sure I was going to be someone who would compromise and be a good teammate.

There's a story early on of me giving him an ultimatum to pick his rock band or me. And he called my bluff, which I wasn't used to, and he picked the band.

It was a humbling two day break up and I had to come groveling back and ask for help. And I think it shaped the tone of our marriage, in which we take turns leading each other. But it starts with creating space for each other to be vulnerable.

What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

Listen to you gut. It's generally trying to tell you something. It could be Jesus.

What is one piece of advice you would give your 20 year old self?

You're doing the best you can with what you know right now.

Isn’t Shea amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to reach out squeeze her neck right now.

I am so grateful that she shared her story with us. So much hope and forward motion in it. I loved it!

I know you’ll want to connect with Shea, here’s how you can.

Facebook , Instagram, Austin New Church , Austin New Church Students on Instagram, Austin New Church Students on Facebook

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational and TEDx speaker , Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Buy The Courage to Become

Shine your brightest,

Catia Holm 3/17/19 Catia Holm 3/17/19

Labor, Jesus and Sarah. A thank you to my labor and delivery nurse.

On the evening of January 18th, 2017 I checked into the hospital. Baby #2 was on her way.

During labor for baby #1 a labor and delivery nurse told me, “Each baby has their own way of getting here.” She told me she thought we, (as laboring women), would have an easier time if we didn’t clutch onto our expectations for dear life. So the second time around, I heeded her advice.

At 7pm the hospital staff had a shift change and so my first nurse, Dala who was considerate and made sure to give me every comfort she could – even through the pokes and pricks – said goodbye and Sarah said hello.

I labored without meds for 2 hours, got an epidural, labored for two more hours and pushed for FOUR minutes. Lightning fast compared to my first labor.

As soon as I pushed her out, they whisked the baby away from me because she was blue and purple because she had sucked in a lot of amniotic fluid. They worked on getting her risk free. I didn’t get to see her or hold her for a while.

At 12:53 am I gave birth to a healthy baby girl — and by 1:30 or so — a cloud started to loom over my hospital room.

While the baby was being taken care of, the doctors and nurses realized my placenta was not coming out and more severe measures were going to have to be taken.

The doctor explained the 2 or 3 procedures they would try before resorting to a C-section. I was losing blood and my placenta needed to come out. And for safety reasons, they needed to move me to an operating room just in case things went south.

So while my husband held our minutes old daughter, they transferred me onto a gurney and away I went.

As they rolled me out of the room – I locked eyes with my husband and told him I loved him and that I would be okay.

Sometime after delivering the baby and before I was wheeled away – I brought God close and I started to hum one of my favorite church songs. No words, just humming.

There is power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain

As they transferred me I hummed, as they wheeled me into the operating room, I hummed, as they took off my bra (for the just in case) — as they strapped my legs to stirrups, as they connected IVs to my arms, I hummed.

What actually happened in the O.R. is hazy. I remember the brighter than bright fluorescent lights and I remember seeing a large digital clock with red numbers. And I remember catching glimpses of the symphony of nurses, but I couldn’t see much else.

During the procedures they had my chest and torso WEIGHTED down with 20 pounds of white cotton blankets because my body was convulsing. It was like someone had unzipped my skin and the insides of my body were exposed to the icy temperature of the operating room.

Half way through the procedures, (one of which included a doctor sticking her entire forearm into me and rooting around for pieces of my placenta,) the doctor said, “It’s stuck, we’re going to have to try something else.” She reached for a serrated spoon and started to scrape this insides of my uterus.

She said, “This will cause fertility issues later.” “If this doesn’t work, we’ll get the hose.”

I said, “I’m losing blood, I can feel it.”

And I continued humming.

There is power in the name of Jesus. There is power in the name of Jesus.

“Yes you are and more blood is on the way for you.”

Minutes later I heard the doctor ask the nurse, “Where’s the blood?”

“We have someone at the door waiting for the blood – it’ll be right up.”

I knew I was losing blood because my vision started to go grey and I could feel my brain shutting down.

“Nope, no more energy for that.”

“Or that.”

And then my eyes closed.

The doctors gave me a blood transfusion, scraped out my placenta and took me back to my original room. I convulsed for three hours in shock. My body could not stop shaking, trembling, my teeth chattering incessantly.

Once the convulsing stopped, I was transferred back to the bed I was in before. I was desperately thirsty, and someone brought me a plastic pink jar full of ice chips. I used the mirror directly in front of my bed and stared at myself eating ice chips until the ice chips were gone. I’m not sure where my mind went, but I was somewhere far away.

And a few hours after that, they brought in the baby to nurse. Because even though I had just been through major trauma, the baby needed to eat.

The next morning the doctors explained to me that I had hemorrhaged 50% of my blood.

Sarah, my labor and delivery nurse, was absolutely my guardian angel that night.

I met her around 7:30pm. She walked in professional and kind. She asked what kind of labor we were shooting for – and she was open to all of it. We explained how we wanted a minimally invasive labor. And I told her that during my first labor I had staked my pride on not having an epidural — but that I was wiser now. (ha!)

During my four-hour labor Sarah watch intently, joked with me, helped me through contractions and was ultra-supportive.

And when things started to get serious – when I was wheeled into the OR- Sarah was the only person I “knew.” And even though I had only interacted with Sarah for 4 hours – she KNEW ME. She had seen me go from casual to in pain to in excruciating labor pain – she had seen me and helped me push a human out of my body AND she had seen things take a turn for the worse.

Sarah walked with me through the hospital halls from my labor room to the OR – she held my left hand the entire time and never left my side.

For as long as I had the energy – I hummed, There is power in the name of Jesus.

And at the point that I stopped humming because I just couldn’t anymore– Sarah leaned in and asked, “What song are you humming?” The only response I could muster was, “a church song.”

And then…

She took over humming for me.

I could feel her – holding my hand – giving me warmth – literally and figuratively.

I didn’t have the energy to hum with her but I could hear the hymn and in the midst of the chaos – I felt peaceful.

To Sarah, my labor and delivery nurse, thank you for investing in me and the life of my baby, thank you for your boundless heart, thank you for giving me strength and grace. I see how hard you work and what you do reverberates WELL beyond the moment – maybe even a lifetime, and I appreciate you. Sarah, during one of the holiest moments of my life – you were there with me – guiding me with ease – and for that, I thank you.

And to all labor and delivery nurses – we more than see you – we appreciate you and honor you and we thank you for pouring your hearts into our labors and our families. You change the world for the better.

Parts of this Blog were originally published on Austin Moms Blog

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Catia Hernandez Holm Speaker Author The Courage to Become TEDx.jpg

Buy The Courage to Become

Catia Holm 9/18/18 Catia Holm 9/18/18

The Courage to Become | Eva Sheie Kiser

Thanksgiving 2016. Just as my dad was about to say grace before Thanksgiving dinner, my sister’s baby girl Amelia threw her head back and smashed my sister’s lip with her head. My sister left the table with a fat, bloody lip. Later she told me she was really sad because she felt so alone in that moment knowing that neither I or our younger brother Rob would ever understand what it was like to have children.

*My sister Maia, Amelia (the head-butter), me, and our mom Mary after Thanksgiving in 2016. Look closely and you can see Maia’s fat lip.*

I was 40 then, flying every other week from Austin to work in Seattle. Having finally landed the best job of my life, my husband and I were traveling whenever and doing pretty much whatever we wanted to do. It probably looked like we had finally “made it.” But it felt really empty.

If it’s ok to have a favorite member of the Trinity, I’d like to admit I am a big fan of the Holy Spirit. In my life I have heard both the still, small voice and the yelling, sign-waving, dancing-banana-on-the-street-corner sign of the Spirit. All I can tell you is that in order to hear that voice, you first have to listen.

Sometimes my life choices were pretty kooky. I like to joke that the Spirit even tricked me a few times, starting in the middle of my senior year of college by calling me to apply to grad school in Texas by reconnecting me with a long-lost teenage music camp crush in Houston. My (I still think this was genius) plan was to get my parents to buy me a plane ticket to Houston to visit Rice University and see if it was an option for graduate school, then I’d meet up with the old flame from camp.

As I plotted and schemed, my heart changed and I found myself really caring about getting into Rice and not so much about the boy. And then somehow I got into Rice, and that was a miracle too because I showed up to audition for the viola program on the wrong date and they weren’t expecting me. The elusive professor Martha Katz just happened to be in her studio with nothing to do at the time I arrived. I played for her that afternoon, and she recommended me to the legendary Karen Ritscher, who accepted me sight unseen on Martha’s word.

I arrived in Houston on the 4th of July in 1998, with $800 in the bank and whatever I could fit in the car. My nine years in Houston were spent first in school, then scraping a living together with gigs, teaching viola lessons, and eventually a part-time job in medical marketing. The rest of my time was devoted to drinking and related activities where drinking was involved. During this time, I strayed a long way from who I was called to be, struggling through many dark experiences and destructive relationships.

I’d feel guilty and drag myself to Lutheran church a few times each year, but didn’t emerge from the drunken fog until I got hired for a gig with the praise band at River Pointe Church in Sugar Land. I would drive away after the gig laughing to myself and judging the people waving their arms during worship. It became a regular gig that I kept for years, and for the first time I was in a place where the Bible was the singular focus, not the traditions, the liturgy, the hymns, the choir, or my family legacy. It was here that my heart was changed and I finally understood that Jesus was calling me back home. He just had to trick me into getting there by paying me to do a regular gig.

I could feel a sea change coming. I felt antsy or nervous like I was waiting for lightning to strike. But I kept saying, I’m listening. Show me where you want me to go, even if it’s crazy.

In the summer of 2006, a very close friend got married in Wisconsin, so I flew up for the wedding. I met the bride’s cousin there, which developed into a long distance relationship. He was a professional musician in Seattle, he promised could get me hooked up with the good gigs if I moved up there, he had the whole family background thing going and pursued me relentlessly.

Eventually I dismantled my life in Houston, got rid of almost everything I owned and packed what was left into my car. He flew down to help me drive, and I sobbed as we left Houston on a stunning and bright Texas morning in February 2007. When we reached El Paso it was snowing sideways and I had come down with a fever and a nasty cold. He and I had never lived in the same place, so I had no idea until that day how he’d treat me when I was sick, and it was not good.

Looking out of a port-a-potty at the Grand Canyon during the move from Houston to Seattle. I look happy in this moment, but I was overwhelmed with grief for the life I left behind me. See how puffy my eyes are? I didn’t even take any photos of the G… — Looking out of a port-a-potty at the Grand Canyon during the move from Houston to Seattle. I look happy in this moment, but I was overwhelmed with grief for the life I left behind me. See how puffy my eyes are? I didn’t even take any photos of the Grand Canyon.

By the time we reached Salt Lake City on the third day, I was wearing headphones inside the car so I wouldn’t have interact with him. Once I got to Seattle, I had to stay at his home for a while and it was just miserable. I needed to find a place to live immediately, and again, a miracle happened. I found a 2-bedroom apartment on Alki Beach with a direct view of the water and picked up the job as the building manager, so my rent was only $650/month. When I tell Seattleites that story today, their jaws always hit the floor. You can’t rent a closet for $650 today.

The view from my Seattle apartment included a miniature Statue of Liberty. I lived about 50 yards from this spot. Here I learned that having a beautiful view or living in a cool neighborhood doesn’t make you happy. My feet were always cold and there… — The view from my Seattle apartment included a miniature Statue of Liberty. I lived about 50 yards from this spot. Here I learned that having a beautiful view or living in a cool neighborhood doesn’t make you happy. My feet were always cold and there were only 36 days of sunshine the first year I lived here.

That relationship fell apart within weeks. I was so flat broke from moving, I didn’t even have anything to sit on in my apartment. I was quite unhappy to find out that the beach was sleepy and quiet unless the weather was nice, and people weren’t generally outgoing or friendly. The “Seattle Chill” is real and doesn’t do any favors for introverts who are prone to seasonal depression. I just wanted to move home to Houston. I was so ashamed and embarrassed by my mistake that I lost my sense of self-worth.

That pull to go to Seattle had been so strong over the previous year that I never questioned it. I ignored every red flag in that bad relationship along the way. I had been so excited to start this new adventure, but instead my entire plan fell apart. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I asked, why did you bring me here, God? It didn’t feel like courage, it felt a lot more like foolishness.

I started practicing viola again and won some orchestra gigs. I worked hard to make friends and connect with people, but it wasn’t easy. I changed day jobs and took a big leap forward in my marketing career.

*My favorite place on earth, looking out over Lake Travis near Spicewood.*

In July, I went back to Houston to see friends and took a road trip up to Lake Travis with one of my longtime BFF’s Andrea. We rested, read books, hung out in the pool, and it felt good to be home. She made me pick myself up off the floor and forced me to reactivate my match.com account. I determined that my profile was much too interesting and deleted about 80% of it, leaving a description that essentially said “I like to go fishing and have fun.”

It was crickets for months, I got no messages. Eventually one guy wrote me a message about fishing. I didn’t see anything too exciting about his profile, but I also had no friends and nothing else going on, so I went with it. We talked on the phone a lot, and had some great conversations. He was a teacher, and I was raised by teachers so it felt normal. I made a lot of interesting excuses not to meet up, but it got to the point where it was weird not to so I generously offered to show up at 9pm on a Tuesday night after beach volleyball. I arrived at Applebee’s covered in sand and sweat with no makeup on, because that’s how much I cared about this first date. It was awkward and uncomfortable, so we went our separate ways and I thought, “I’ll never see that guy again.”

*The location of our first date, a really classy joint with American cuisine that wasn’t too inconvenient on the way home from indoor beach volleyball.*

By the end of that week I could not shake the feeling that I had really screwed that up, so I called him. We kept talking, and saw each other again. I asked him, “why do you keep calling me?” He told me to call him when I felt like talking.

It grew slowly from there. It wasn’t “perfect on paper” the way I had sized up and assessed every date I had ever been on before. He wasn’t Lutheran or tall or Norwegian. I swore I wouldn’t date divorced guys or guys with kids. I still smoked cigarettes back then and he swore he’d never date a smoker, and somehow he looked past it. I had no friends in Seattle and no money and not much else to offer. But it was in that deep darkness that the light started to shine.

Woodroe knew the bible. We could talk for hours and he never bored me. He loved his daughter mightily and his family was his primary social circle. He was thoughtful and kind to me. He had gone to college in Texas and wasn’t opposed to moving back someday. I was able to take him everywhere in my world, he’d go to orchestra concerts and to art exhibits, to dive bars and to upscale restaurants. He just fit and it was so easy.

Our first Seahawks game, where I realized I would have to become a Seahawks fan and move the Texans and Vikings to secondary positions in my heart.

We got married a year later and lived in North Bend, Washington until we moved back to Texas in 2013. Life in Washington was hard, we were house poor and depressed and I always knew in my heart that I wanted to be back in Texas. North Bend is a dark place 30 miles east of Seattle where the rain clouds get stuck against the mountains, where Twin Peaks was filmed and bizarre things happen in the woods. Our seven years living in the “Bermuda Triangle of Washington” were filled with many more challenges, blessings and victories, and is another blog post for another time.

It took courage to leave that life behind too. But Texas had my heart, and when my husband’s school permanently closed, the door swung wide open for us to make the move.

I had already moved across the country twice before, so I knew that all we had to do was get in the car and go.

In September 2017, we were blessed by the greatest joy of my life, our baby girl Kari. Her name (you know, like the babysitter’s name in The Incredibles) means “pure in spirit.” Seven months later, my brother and his girlfriend welcomed their baby boy, proving my sister’s Thanksgiving prediction wrong again.

Only now in hindsight can I see how much courage it took to make these moves and what God’s marvelous plan was.

Courage starts with hope. You cannot hear if you don’t listen, and it’s in that place between hope and action that courage lives and propels us forward. It wasn’t about the courage I needed to become a wife or a mother. It was about finding the courage to listen to the Holy Spirit and having the faith to move forward even when the moves looked risky or crazy.

It is as simple as saying, “I’m listening.”

Essay by: Eva Sheie Kiser

To read more about Eva and stay in touch, click here.

1-catia-hernandez-holm-tedx-speaker-author-the-courage-to-become-book-coach-confidence-joy-mom.jpg

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Catia Holm 8/17/18 Catia Holm 8/17/18

The Courage to Become | Takisha Shelby

My name is Takisha Shelby, I was born and raised in Lubbock, Texas. The Lord blessed me to see 41 years this past 3rd of February. I'm very thankful for that.

Looking back over my life, I can see how the Lord has played a role in it the whole time. I have been through a lot my 41years living on this earth, but I give all the glory to none other than that man above my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My story of becoming begins about 15 years ago, I was about 26 years old working two jobs. My full-time job at Lubbock Independent School District as a Special Education Teaching Assistant and my part-time job as a Food service worker. I was no stranger to hard work back then and still not to this day.

It was the weekend after working my full-time job I was at my part-time job. I had been dealing with a headache the whole day I thought it was a sinus headache. I had also gotten suspended the rest of the weekend from my part-time job because of some attitude issues I was having.

Only to find out it was all due to what was going on with me physically and medically.

I was supposed to go out that night but didn't due to my headache. I ate me something, thinking that would help but it didn't so I took me some allergy medicine, decided against going out and went to bed. I was awakened in the early morning hours by a bad headache. My head was hurting me so bad to the point I was crying.

The guy I was seeing at the time told my mom he was going to take me to the hospital, which he did. At the hospital, after running some tests and waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the doctors came out and told us what was going on.

By this time my mom had come up there, the doctors had told us that I had a tumor on my brain, in fact; I have several tumors on my brain(looking like little snowflakes all over my brain) but the one they were worried about was the one which was blocking the plumbing and was causing me to have the headache.

The doctor said that it was unusual because it had fluid around it, they would have to admit me into the hospital, go in and put tubes in my head to drain the fluid from my brain before they would be able to do the actual brain surgery to remove the actual tumor causing the problem.

So now, I'm about to be admitted into the hospital because the situation is serious.

They put the tubes in my head so that the fluid could be drained off my brain. A few days later they did the actual brain surgery. The surgery was supposed to take about 17 hours but ended up taking about 11 hours, but God.

Thinking back to that time, I know that the Lord was with me, because after the surgery I was able to see my mama for a few minutes and once I saw her although they had given me medication to sedate me I knew she was there and I was pretty much aware of everything going on around me.

I remember her telling me that she couldn't stay long, and she would see me later.

When she told me that I wasn't trying to let her go, they ended up asking her to leave so I could get some rest, giving me more medication so I could get me some rest.

About a week and a half later, I was out of the hospital on my way to recovery.

I can honestly say that if it wasn't for God bringing through that situation I wouldn't be here right to this day. I feel this more so now at this point in my life than I ever did before. It was by God's grace and mercy that I didn't have to have any therapy only a little speech therapy.

After the surgery because the area where it had occurred was affected, I wasn't able to form complete thoughts; leading us up to that point. After all that had taken place, look at God! Until now I never in a million years would have thought I would be where I am.

This was the beginning of my spiritual journey. I thank God daily that He has blessed me to see another day up to this point. I have always stood on His Word, in Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, which is my motto; and the basis of my faith.

It took me a while to move on after the surgery, thanks be to God!

It was only the summer that I was out of work, I was able to return to work at Lubbock Independent School District after that. Praise God!

If there was any advice I had to give to anyone going through this or someone who have gone through anything like this, it would be to hold on to your faith. Pray, pray, and if it still feels hopeless pray some more.

If there is one thing that I have learned throughout this whole experience it is this: Prayer changes things. I know that, without any doubt in my mind.

Just as I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me your readers too can do all things through Christ who strengthens them.

Essay by: Takisha Shelby

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

2-catia-hernandez-holm-tedx-speaker-author-the-courage-to-become-boo.jpg

Catia Holm 11/7/17 Catia Holm 11/7/17

The Courage to Become | Ashely Solberg

Dearest beauties, my name is Ashley Solberg, and I’m the founder of She Is Blank Space. Myself and fifteen other ladies joined together to start a blog where we share about life, fashion, beauty and the things we love as moms. We believe there is strength in our stories as I learned strength in mine the hard way. Silently hiding behind my pain, I got nowhere, but once I spoke of what I had come through, I realized how much we need courage in ourselves to encourage others.

One day, I woke up.

No, not by the beeping of my alarm clock or my kids poking me in the side before sunrise, but I WOKE up.

My innermost being was so lost, confused, and just flat out blah.

Everyday…crickets.

I absolutely could not answer the question of who I was anymore. Sad, right? Yeah, I thought so too. This started a long downward before an upward one. It was a lot of questioning and addressing things I was holding onto before I could start moving forward. I dug in deep, cried a lot of tears from past hurts, anger, and whatever else I needed to face. This was hard for me, a person that seemingly had it all together, to admit defeat and that I was failing at “life.”

In general, nothing about life was bad. I had a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a great paying salary job and by God’s grace, we’ve always had everything we needed. Something was missing though. That spark--I lacked passion and zeal. I allowed my light to be dimmed.

My bright light, little by little, diminished. The fight of infertility testing, waiting, hoping, with nothingness—dimmed. After finally achieving a long-awaited pregnancy, we found out we were having twins—my light started to come back. Five months into the pregnancy, one of our perfect, sweet girls had a portion of her amniotic sac break away and entangle her foot and cord. The day before fetal surgery, it caused her to go on from this life far too soon. I could not grieve, I had to carry her, I had to be strong for our baby still with us. I carried joy and sorrow for so long I didn’t know how to feel just one—light extinguished.

We named our daughter that was with us, Ella Joy, which means a bright light of joy. Every day I clung to her so tightly amidst my tears of thankfulness and sadness. For hours, I would just watch her breathe. Becoming a mother was everything I could have hoped for, I truly loved her with every fiber and then some. Every milestone first I was truly happy at watching her grow, but I also felt like someone was missing.

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At my worst point, I guarded myself by avoiding going anywhere completely and when I did, fleeing as soon as I could to avoid a breakdown when someone asked the “are you ok?” question. I guess I knew if I allowed myself to truly process, it would hurt too bad, so I just kept going, delaying my grief even longer. The saddest part of all of it, is I knew better. I realized that battle would always be and I had a decision to make of how much I wanted to fight it.

When my daughter was 18 months old, I felt like I was ready to walk through the infertility treatments again towards another little one. Things happened much faster this time as we knew what treatment course worked. We were pregnant, and not just pregnant, but doubly pregnant. Yes, you heard that right…twins, twice. We were over the moon, but also fearful. This whole mix of emotions seemed to be a thing for us and I grew tired of it. A few months pregnant, I decided enough was enough and I was just going to be happy where we were at minus the fear part. I enjoyed every bit of the pregnancy and my little toddler sidekick by my side. The twins were born at 33 weeks, but being a NICU nurse at the time (funny how life’s seasons prepare you for what you need), I was comforted by my co-workers as I stayed by their side and stuffed them full of milk for nine days prior to going home.

Then, well…life. Along with experiencing the loss of our Emmy before, becoming an exhausted new mom again (I seriously don’t remember the babies first six months with that kind of tired), but mostly going through the motions and convincing myself I was ok where I was just trying to stay afloat.

Things were different last year when all this She Is Blank Space business started, and although I remembered those feelings, I needed to discover what God wanted for me right now instead of clinging to my past and those coulda-woulda-shoulda thoughts. I had a new perspective and needed to filter through what that all meant.

After the air finally cleared for me, it seemed like everyone I knew was fighting against things in their health, marriages, kids-- anything and everything.

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And then it happened, this pivotal moment that caused everything to collide. I remembered. I remembered what it felt like to be a part of something bigger than me, I remembered the things I dreamed about as a teen that I wondered how they would happen, I remembered what it should mean to be a great friend.

Out of the normal for this fairly quiet individual, I posted a random video of encouragement for others as I was also speaking to myself. Out of my own path I was still walking, this door opened my heart for others again. Even as I pleaded for someone else to be picked, because surely, I was in no position to do this, I could not escape my butterflies. It became evident I just needed to jump into something REALLY out of my comfort zone. As someone with a supportive family and amazing circle, I knew that we were very blessed and not everyone had this. What better place to offer this to others than on a website that could reach far beyond what I could physically.

So, what to call this new venture? I was drawing a blank (see where I’m going?). How do I categorize this when I want it to reach all women in different phases of life? It was impossible to put a label on it, and one morning while changing one of the twins’ diaper, it came to me…”She Is Blank Space.” No, not the void kind of blank space, but the blank space gets filled in with something. She is…confident, a college gal, rocking at mommy’ing, learning to be whole...you get the idea. This name allows us to talk about things in the present, but also towards the future and what we are striving after as we walk the oh so many shoes we fill as women.

I knew I couldn’t do this alone as we all have a story to tell and I asked around fifteen other women to join alongside me. Some of us are married, mothers, others in college still finding out what we want in life, some love to exercise, some love fashion and so on. Can I just point out how amazing they all are? We are always better together as women supporting each other.

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While you could give me all the fun parts of what we share like food and DIY all day, my hope for She Is Blank Space is for each woman to find community and encouragement from other women who have been there or are there. Although I wanted this to happen right away, we had to build our foundation and I also had to transition out of my full time job to devote the time needed. I knew it would happen, but in the meantime, remained faithful to my job as a nurse, staying up super late to prep things for the next day for posts and social media so I could use my break time to get them published. We started to bring in a steady stream of income between working with other companies and our shop, but it wasn’t quite lining up to my salary. Keep in mind, I was completely clueless about web and graphic design, traffic flow, utilizing social media for things other than posting pictures of my kids!

Around the nine month mark since our launch, it became clear we weren’t going to grow any farther until I had more time to give. With three kids five and under, being a wife, full time nurse and being involved in ministry, the only thing that could change was my job. So, I handed in my two weeks notice, which they were not happy about losing me, but understood. That leap was hard y’all; I knew the hubby and I could survive on Ramen noodles if we had to, but our kids could not. However, I had such peace knowing that this dream would not have given me without a way being made.

And boy did that happen. Money came in from a random account I had with my old job equivalent to a month's pay, one of my husband’s pay checks that never got deposited was discovered, our mortgage went down and so on. I remained baffled by this whole process, but it’s amazing to see seeds that have been planted over the course of my life blooming into something I never would have imagined for myself.

So here we are, right in the middle of this amazing venture, and it’s time. It’s time to dig in a little deeper, truly bringing realness, vulnerability, love. In a world full of perfect social media pictures, we are going to those places that are hard, but necessary for growth. As a person with a love of gardening, it’s easiest to explain it this way: before new blooms can be achieved on a tree or plant, you must trim back the branches. It seems like it doesn’t make any sense to “hurt” the plant, but it triggers it to say, “hey, I’ve got work to do, I’m stagnant, I’ve stopped growing, I’ve wilted, I need to wake up, I need to grow again.”

So how about we bloom together as we find our courage to become, ok? Life is far too short to be walked out without purpose or in dry, empty places. For you, your friends, your family-let’s jump into our dreams together and allow ourselves to be willing to hear and act upon the tugs of our hearts.

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Doesn't Ashley exude warmth and joy?! I think she does!!!!!!!!!!!

You can keep up with Ashley and She Is Blank Space here

Web - Instagram - Facebook - Twitter -Pinterest

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Catia Holm 10/9/17 Catia Holm 10/9/17

The Courage to Become | Angela Lally

Tonight we are so happy to be featuring Angela Lally. She shares a wonderful, uplifting word. I know her trust in the Lord will inspire you!

What was your first job?

My first job after college (well, after working at a summer camp!) was in Communications and Public Relations.

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

What I'm doing now! Haha But really, ever since I discovered I had a natural knack for photography in high school, I dreamed of somehow doing it full time, but I always thought that it wasn't possible for me to actually make a living doing just photography. Thankfully, the Lord had bigger plans for this talent He's given me and lined up numerous circumstances and opportunities to lead me to where I am today: Two years of running my photography business full time!

How did it feel getting started?

A bit nerve-wracking, freeing, and exciting, all at once! I knew this was where the Lord was leading me, so I was comfortable with the "uncomfortableness" of it and from the beginning trusted my business to Him. Ultimately, I know that despite any efforts I make on my own, any accomplishments, all the hours put into it, it is all His. He is the one that gives and provides, and I am so thankful that He's continued to do so in a way that allows me the gift of doing what I love as a career.

Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started.

One of the biggest obstacles I faced after figuring out that I one day wanted to quit my full time Communications job to run my business full time was being in between both of those things: Knowing that at the time I needed that job and trying to be present and fully there after knowing that it wasn't what I wanted to do forever.

I did learn through that process that when the Lord is ready for you to move on, he makes it CLEAR.

My initial plans were to go full time into photography in two years... two months later, that turned into me planning on leaving at the end of that year, which then turned into me leaving on a Friday and giving my two weeks notice on Monday. Looking back, I can recognize that a lot of that was Him getting me to the point of trusting him FULLY with providing and not depending on my savings account as a safety net. Since making the transition to full time, He has grown my business and given me favor in ways that I never would have imagined and faster than I could have hoped.

My verse for my business from day one has been Psalm 16:5: "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot." It reminds me to trust the Lord's provision and to be satisfied with whatever He gives, however he choses to (or not to) give it.

What keeps you motivated?

I absolutely LOVE the idea of getting to capture people's genuine personalities and relationships in a photographs!! Apart from knowing the Lord, people and the relationships we have with them are the most important thing in the world. To be able to capture that in a tangible photograph is such a gift. Photographs can communicate so much more that we can say with our words and can open eyes to see things that may have otherwise been missed. I've seen senior girls recognizing that they ARE pretty for the first time after seeing an image on the back of my camera. I've captured cherished moments for clients with family members that are no longer here. I get to witness and document marriages of couples who have said the MOST important thing on their wedding day is that God is glorified. And as long as the Lord wills, I will keep capturing as many of these moments and people that I can.

Which living person do you most admire?

My mom - 100%. Throughout all of the crazy circumstances she has been through in her life, she has remained steadfast in trusting the Lord and having faith in Him to do what He has said He will and to be who He has promised He is. I don't know anyone else who has a stronger faith than she does.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I would LOVE to be able to play the piano!! I know a little bit from friends teaching me / YouTube videos here and there, but I don't actually own one... so I guess I need to fix that first! Perfect pitch would be a fun one too!

What is your most marked characteristic?

Apart from photography, I think my friends and family would say my relationship with the Lord. Or that I am friendly and "sweet." :)

What is your motto?

The past four years have been some hard ones. There have been a lot of transitions, uncertainties and circumstances that I wasn't expecting, and Lord has kept bringing me back to the first few verses of Psalm 37:

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act... Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..."

These verses have been a "home base" for me the past few years and have helped ground me and remind me where to stay focused when I was uncertain of everything else.

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

Owning and running my own business for two years full time, for sure! Another one would be growing to a point where I could hire my mom to work with me.

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee deep in mud?

Only the Lord. When I get overwhelmed, stressed or anxious, it's most likely because I'm not fully trusting Him, I'm placing more value on things that ultimately aren't as important as what He has placed in front of me to care for, or for whatever reason I'm struggling with trusting where He's leading when I can't see the next step. Spending time with Him and in the Word keep me grounded.

What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

Trust the Lord's hand at work in your life and HIS timing. Also, be faithful where He has you with what He has placed in front of you to care for. Don't try to rush ahead or just wish away the hard seasons... those are often the ones I have learned the most about His character in. It sounds cliche, but keep the main thing (Him) the main thing, and keep trusting Him with the rest -- even if it's over and over every day. He's patient with us, His plans are greater, and He will never fail.

Angela's words and trust in God are inspirational and frankly - peaceful. Her words remind me that God's got it under control and we just have to trust.

She is seriously beyond delightful and I know you'll want to follow her journey!

You can find Angela here on her web site, Angela Lally Photography and on Facebook and Instagram.

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Catia Holm 11/21/16 Catia Holm 11/21/16

The Courage to Become | Crystal Ngumezi

The Courage to Become Set Apart

I had the courage to become set apart back in 2014, but allow me the opportunity to share with you how I got there:

I’m a Texas native with a Nigerian background. You don’t hear that often, now do you? I was born and raised in Houston, TX with a Nigerian upbringing; both my parents are from the country of Nigeria in West Africa, making me a product of immigrants. Growing up in Texas with Nigerian roots made for a very interesting childhood experience, one that I feel shaped me into the woman I am today. I learned that being different was okay, and that being different made me stronger and more qualified for the life that God had set up for me. My parents taught me that discipline and hard work would serve me well in the future, and as a young business-minded individual today, I can honestly say that it has.

Growing up, I always had a knack for mathematics and creativity, so when I was about 17 years old, I made the decision to pursue Mechanical Engineering as an undergraduate degree. In 2013, I received my B.S. in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Texas at San Antonio. During my undergraduate experience at UTSA, I was able to travel the country and intern for various companies during my summer breaks. After graduation, I received the opportunity to work for a notable fortune 500 company in Fort Worth, TX, as a manager in training, where I later became a full-time technical manager. In my young career, I’ve had the privilege of serving in 2 different managerial positions for 2 different companies. However, I can’t attribute my professional success to my own deeds. It has truly been the work of God moving in my life that provided me with these various opportunities to build my professional portfolio at such a young age.

With all of this being said, back to 2014, where my real story began:

In 2014, I made the radical decision to quit my day job and move back home to Houston, TX. I made this decision in order to pursue my purpose and to follow Christ. Sounds pretty crazy huh? Not quite.

At the time, I was doing pretty well for myself in my career. The money I earned was great, the benefits were awesome, and I was well taken care of as a younger employee.

So you might be left asking, “Why did you quit then?” Well, I’m happy you asked. The problem was that while working in my career, I experienced many internal struggles.

It was like I was at war with myself. I knew that God had a great calling on my life, but I didn’t know how my job and career at the time lined up with that calling. This internal war I experienced on the inside, along with many other battles I was facing simultaneously, led me into a state of mental depression. I literally became sick as a direct result of not following my purpose. I thought I would have been able to cope with this mental illness, but as I continued my work in that field, my depression became worse, and my desire to leave became stronger. When my depression started to affect my work, I knew I had a very important decision to make.

I knew the cause of my illness, and I knew it was severe. What I didn’t know was how I was going to make the critical decision to quit my job, and ultimately to leave my career. What made this decision even harder for me was that due to my success as a training manager, my job offered me a high raise and promotion. Talk about a test! Despite this tantalizing offer, I made the ultimate decision to decline and resign as a manager at that company. I chose to follow God’s will for my life and walk away from my career.

This was not an easy decision to make.

Moving back home was not in my plans - but it was in God’s plans. My friends and family were all in awe of my decision, but I knew that God was leading me. Despite the opposition I faced as a direct result of this decision, I had the courage to become Set Apart.

In The Bible, the term “set apart” means to be separated from what is common and deemed normal - to be chosen. The decision I made to leave what was familiar to me demanded my total surrender to what God had planned for me. I didn’t understand what I was walking into back then, but I knew that my life was radically about to be changed forever.

Now I know that for some of you reading this story, you may find the decision I made to quit my job quite questionable. It was a drastic move, but as a believer, I can truly attest to the fact that the decision I made back in 2014 saved my life.

Jesus saved my life, and he healed me from my mental depression.

Back in 2014, I made the decision to no longer live for myself, but instead to live for God and his purposes for my life. Through my radical obedience to God’s will, I found my true identity in Christ, and I experienced supernatural healing on multiple levels.

One of those levels being my mental health. The healing process I experienced as a direct result of following God’s will was not an overnight thing; God led me out of a state of depression and fear, and into a state of peace and serenity, through months of restoration. Because of my depression, I had forgotten what it was like to live free and victorious. The one thing I had put all of my trust and energy into - my mind, my smarts, and my intelligence - had ultimately failed me. I didn’t see a doctor, and I wasn’t prescribed any medication - God healed me. After God healed my mind, he began to heal my spirit, and ultimately the rest of my body.

In 2015, I began my spiritual walk with the Lord, and encountered various tests and trials along the way. I had my experience of dead ends, faulty relationships, and disappointments, all in an effort to show and to teach me how to follow Jesus the correct way. I’ve had my fair share of bumps and bruises along this journey, but God has always been in my corner cheering me on. He never gave up on me and he always encourages me to keep on fighting. When I would experience situations targeting my fleeting depression in the past, he would come through for me in ways I can’t even tell you. I am now learning how to trust and depend on God in every way. Due to the tests and trials I have experienced, I can honestly say that I have become a stronger woman and an ambassador of Faith.

And today I am joyful and blessed to be here. I can truly attest to the fact that God is faithful, and that He rewards those who diligently seek him. I’m still young and in my prime, but I can truly say that God has begun a good work in me. I can see the fruits of his work. He uses me to mentor young women, and to minister to people I would have never met otherwise. I’m now mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy, and I have peace in my life - not a worldly peace - but the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Whatever you are going through and whatever season you are in, know that God has a plan for you. He had a plan for me, and I would have never found it had I not sought his will. Don’t let fear rob you of experiencing and enjoying a great, purpose-filled life. It’s never too late to make the decision to follow Christ.

My hope in sharing my story with you is that you will take what I have experienced, and use it as fuel to activate your own personal desires to live in the life that God has called you to. I pursued purpose and it changed my life.

Thanks for reading, and God bless you.

Essay by: Crystal Ngumezi

From Crystal:

I have a blog on my online website, crystalngumezi.com, that I use to encourage people to live healthy lives, offering healthy recipes and ways to easily prepare them, along with posts encouraging women to live in the fullness of the Proverbs 31 woman, and informative tips for people pursuing purpose.

I also publish weekly devotionals on my other website, lifeloveandinspirationblog.com, where I teach Christians about Jesus, spreading The Gospel.

Apart from my personal websites, I’m a freelance writer on MyTrendingStories.com, where I write articles relating to business, news and technology. I’m also working on a non-profit organization for young women, which will provide them with professional mentorship and professional development training, scheduled to launch next year.

You can follow me on all social media platforms @crystalngumezi, and follow and like my Facebook page @CrystalNgumeziBlog.

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

Catia Holm 10/23/13 Catia Holm 10/23/13

The Como Mamas

Originally published on 10-23-13

Sometime in mid-March, I was working at ACL and SXSW acts were rolling through the venue. The ticket for this particular night read, Soul Review. I thought, “Cool. I like soul music.” And I had a glimmer of hope that Justin Timberlake would swing by.

At 8pm when the house lights went down the venue only had about 100 people in it. It was a meager start to the night as the venue fits about 2700 music lovers. As I surveyed the crowd I thought, “Maybe Prince is playing down the street or something.”

I scanned the acts on the ticket and since I hadn’t heard of any of them, I didn’t pay much attention. As ACL spans four floors I spent a lot of my time running around chatting and checking with staff on each floor. As I was running around my boss, Tom asked “Have you been inside the venue yet? You’re going to love the act on stage.” As soon as I found a good breaking point I made my way inside the venue and was immediately blown away.

The room was dark and cold and filled with the unforgettable voices of The Como Mamas. As I surveyed the stage I thought, “Only three ladies, no instruments?” I had heard similar sounds from movie soundtracks before, but never in person. The group is made up of three lifelong Gospel singers from the small town of Como, Mississippi, and they were magnificent. Their voices cut straight through the fluff and went directly to my bones. Their voices were gripping. I was mesmerized. I inched my way toward the front of the stage and got lost in their voices. I took photos and videos but nothing compared to the real thing.

When their set was over and the crowd of what was now 200 people had finished applauding, I decided to make good use of my all access pass and go backstage to tell them how awesome they were.

I walked straight up to my favorite of the three singers, Ms. Ester Mae, and I introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Catia and I work here. I just wanted to tell you how powerful and impactful your performance was. Listening to your voices is very moving. Good luck with…” I thought it was be a quick congratulations and I’d be on my way. But before I turned away she grabbed my hands in hers.

We were outside her dressing room and folks were hurriedly working getting ready for the next band, but somehow all that faded away and I felt connected. I didn’t yet know what she was going to say, but I knew that I was going to pay attention.

My small soft hands sat in her encompassing rough hands. Her hands felt like they had been productive for decades. She was tall and was of bigger build and dressed in her Sunday best. Her long corn rows were pulled back in a ponytail and she was smiling so big I could see her gold capped teeth. No one would have questioned her being backstage but she was wearing her artist badge proudly.

Once my hands were in hers and our eyes locked she said, “Thank you so much for that. You know, I’m 62. They came into my church and discovered me 4 years ago. All my life I’ve been singing in the church, for the church and just now, my dreams are coming true. Tomorrow, they are taking me on a plane to New Orleans!” She was beaming. Ms. Ester continued, “I’ve been praying my whole life to God. You just keep working hard for what you want. Don’t lose faith in yourself or in God. When you’re ready, your dreams will find their way to you. Don’t be afraid of hard work.”

I was blown away by her words of wisdom. I knew that this was not an ordinary occurrence.

Ms. Ester definitely looked like she could cook a southern meal and give a great hug. And since we weren’t near a kitchen, I asked if I could give her a hug and she agreed. It was such a mama bear hug. I could feel her love even though she didn’t know me from Adam.

Did she know Guapo and I were about to hit a rocky patch? Did she know I was going to jump into writing full time? Did she know that I was training for a marathon? Did she know I was working two jobs and was really tired? There were so many balls in the air; I had no clue how life was going to be come May. How did she know I would need to hear her words? She didn’t, but God did.

God sent her to me to say, “Keep your head down, work hard and don’t lose faith.” The words, “I’m 62 and I’m just walking into my dream,” pop into my thoughts when I get impatient.

There are signs all around and they come to us in different packages. The universe is constantly talking to us, guiding us along. However, the signs from the universe won’t always be obvious, most times, they’ll be subtle. We have to be open and aware enough to receive them. We have to have open hearts, open minds and be quiet enough within ourselves to notice the messages.

If we are constantly numbing ourselves out with food, alcohol or even activity we will have a hard time reading the signs along the way, if we see them at all. James Earl Jones is not going to show up at our doors telling us what our next move should be, neither is the Wizard of Oz.

Some days a door will open and a door will close and that’s as much change that will happen. Some days there may be a road block along the way redirecting us, and some days the universe may send us Ms. Ester. Most times the signs are so small that we may not even give them any significance, but they are there. Pay attention.

Justin Timberlake was a no show that night, but I got something much better, a hug from Ms. Ester and a message from God.

Ms. Ester, may you continue to touch people’s souls the way you touched mine.

Catia Holm 9/15/13 Catia Holm 9/15/13

What it Feels like to Worship

Originally published on 9-15-13

Sunday Morning

It’s 9:58 AM and I’m just getting to church for the 10am service. I’m dressed in a pink tweed dress and some nude patent leather heels. I was too lazy to blow dry my hair, so it’s up in pony tail. I reason with myself that God’s just glad I’m here.

I park in the middle school parking lot across from the low income housing units and walk swiftly up the cracked side walk. As I pass fellow 10 a.m. church goers. I think, “Hello, I hope you’re as excited as I am.” But instead of speaking, I just smile. I have my big brown vegan approved tote in hand, and since I have been coming to Greater Mt. Zion a year and half I know what to pack. Every Sunday I bring a pen, notebook paper, a check book and lots of tissue. Once in a while I bring in my phone so that I can record snippets of the choir, so I can listen to them at my leisure. As I get closer to the building I hear the welcome music coming through the outdoor speakers, which I quite enjoy. It’s like the amuse-bouche, compliments of the chef.

I am politely greeted by a woman in her mid-40s, “Hello and welcome to Greater Mt. Zion. Enjoy the service.” I think, “You bet I will!” I am handed a one page weekly bulletin and my eyes scan it. My heart says, “You need to be more involved.” My mind says, “You travel too much.” I convince myself that my level of involvement is enough and I am ushered in the sanctuary.

I take my seat, tuck my over-sized tote under the pew and before I can even look around to analyze the new outfits in the room, I am engulfed in voices, a buzzing of love. I sit in the first few rows and so I am not farther than 10 feet from a full experience. The 20 person choir is singing their first song. Before I can catch their melody, I can feel that each of their hearts is wide open and full to the brim of praise and thanks. Their cup runneth over so does mine.

The spirit of the Lord is here
The spirit of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere
The spirit of the Lord is here, oh
The spirit of the Lord is here, oh

The power of the Lord is here
The power of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere,
The power of the Lord is here, oh
The power of the Lord is here, oh

Everybody blow the trumpet
And sound the alarm
because the Lord is in the temple
Let everybody bow
Let all the people praise Him now
The Lord is here

I close my eyes and the joyous voices raise me into a cloud of what can only be described as love. I think, “This must be what heaven feels like.” Their ability to praise Jesus with such pride and fervor seeps into me and soon my heart is open and full. So full in fact that now it has to find a release. Finally, my eyes well up and steady streams of tears start to roll down my eyes. Any negative feeling that was floating around in me is shoved out by love and gratitude. I can only reason that this strategy will work in everyday life. The more I praise and give thanks, the less space there is for anger, jealousy or even self-pity.

The voices of that fill the old Baptist church are untrained and yet, they sound spectacular. The parishioners’ voices are loud and there is palpable electricity in the room. If a bystander walked by the church and saw it elevating, I wouldn’t be surprised. The 27 year old male soloist convincingly sings, “We’re going higher…higher! The presence of the Lord is here, the presence of the Lord is here, I feel him in the atmosphere, the presence of the lord….IS HERE,” and everyone is so jazzed and my hands are red and stinging from clapping with so much excitement. The color coordinated choir is swaying from side to side and movin’ and groovin’. They look sharp! “I really want to be part of the choir, singing is not my strong point, but maybe I’ll try one day.”

As we near the end of the song the instruments drop off into the background, as to let the believer’s voices be heard more clearly. I feel so much emotion that the lump in my throat is growing with every note. Now we’ve been praising and dancing for 6 minutes and Greater Mt. Zion is filled wall to wall and floor to ceiling with powerful souls who are praising God. It is magical! I am so overwhelmed that I cover my face and cry into my hands. I think, “I am lucky to have found this church home. I am so lucky to have found God.” God is here, I know. I know for sure, God is here.

The church pews and extra patio chairs and balconies are filled with parishioners of all ages. The 200 person congregation is filled with followers who have more than me, less than me, who are different than me and the same as me saying, “Thank you, Jesus. I praise you. Thank you.” We are all just proud and grateful to participate.

The first song is now over.

An hour and a half later, church wraps and I walk out feeling energized and rejuvenated. I feel loved and I know I have contributed to my foundation. I know that the last hour and half was spent not in prayer for things to come, but in prayer of gratitude. On Sundays, I don’t ask God for anything, I just give thanks for all he’s already done. After Sunday service, I know I am a better advocate for humanity. I feel whole.

Heaven must feel like this, I know. I know, Heaven must feel like this.

I wish so much to put each of you in my pocket and bring you with me to church. I think you would love it! I wish I could give you the gift of God’s love and peace, but I know better, only you can do that for yourselves. I love loud joyous celebrations, so Greater Mt. Zion works for me. I encourage you to find what works for you.

Catia Holm 7/15/12 Catia Holm 7/15/12

Greater Mt. Zion

Originally published 7-15-12

So here’s the thing, I’ve never been a church going person, but have always been a praying person.

I’ve always hesitated to use God in everyday language in public but never hesitated to talk about God privately.

I don’t have an all-encompassing belief system, even though I was raised Catholic and can wear a rosary like nobody’s business, I won’t declare to you that I am a certain religion and embarrassingly I recently learned the difference between the old and the new testament, but I will declare that I believe in a higher power that both love and guides deliberately.

It has taken me 29 years to really seek out a church and faithful community, a community that I can lean on from each Sunday afternoon to the next.

A few months ago, as I was contemplating my love life – the only issue I allow to keep nagging at me, the other day I bought cocktail napkins that say, “My life is perfect I’m looking for a problem to drink about.” - I just felt like I didn’t have any more answers. There were no more people I could ask for advice; I had become a frequent flyer in the self-help section of Barnes and Noble and Oprah was just not coming through like she used to. I had exhausted my life lines. Then life surprised me as it does from time to time and my girlfriend casually mentioned she had found this great Baptist church on the East side of Austin and she described it as different and exhilarating and chock full of good music. I agreed to go more as a cultural experience or Sunday activity; little did I know how much of an impact it would have on me.

The next Sunday, I woke up and put on my Sunday best, a dress my mother and grandmothers would approve of, and I headed to church.

As I walked into the Greater Mt. Zion Baptist Church in East Austin, I looked around and realized, there were no: crosses, no altar, no place to kneel, no hymnals in the pews, no white people. Huh? No white people? Correct. It’s a Baptist church in east Austin and it’s glorious. Ladies wore adorned hats, there was choir that was joyful, there were dance performances, there was a band, a preacher, and more hugs than anyone could ever need.

The service was uplifting and energizing. We sang, clapped, danced and hallelujah-ed our way through a two hour service. (All this was foreign to me as Catholic’s rock it out in 45 or less and the most movement during mass is when you turn to your neighbors to shake their hands and wish them peace.) It was lovely and fun and beyond fulfilling. I cried and laughed and held hands with strangers. At times during the service I marveled in the universe’s timing. I knew I was thirsty for something more, but I didn’t know just how thirsty and I certainly didn’t know for what. When I walked out of church I felt like I had been showered in “feel good.” I felt like my life’s direction was a little clearer.

I realize this introduction to religion seems fine and dandy and I don’t know if I’ll ever be religious per se, but I think if people can gather to pray for a better world and better lives and they can lift each other up in the process, then that’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve attended regularly in the past few months and I’ve realized I was hurting and that I’ve slowly been healing. My church is a hospital for hurting people.

I hope in whatever church or group you’re a part of that you both give and receive empathy, hope and love and purpose.

You can connect Sonya on Facebook and on Instagram

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