Valley, I believe in you. Thank you for believing in me. Until Soon.
The first time I left The Valley, I was 18.
In 2001, I graduated Weslaco High School and was starting my university days at UT. Weslaco was home. It was where I went to school, where my friends were, and where my family was.
2nd grade Super Star Parade
High school golf
I was excited but also nervous. I remember sitting in those large auditorium-style classrooms and looking around thinking, I don’t know anyone. I went back to the teeny dorm room that I shared with a stranger and wrote my dad an email. It said something like, “Dad, I’m just a number here – no one cares about me. I miss home.” I was in business school, and the people around me were SMART and FROM THE CITY! It was a stark contrast to growing up in Weslaco. In Weslaco ( a one high school town back then) I always knew my teachers and principals and let’s face it, every teacher I had knew my parents were involved – so I always felt like I mattered. I did not feel ANY of that at UT.
The University of Texas
My dad wrote me back and told me to keep trying. He reminded me that all I had accomplished in Weslaco was not overnight; it all took time. And so I stayed, and I tried. I made friends, got involved – and three years later – I graduated. **Interesting side note. I graduated from high school with a lot of college credit – thanks, WHS! Go Panthers!! And so my parents told me this before I left for UT, “We will only pay for three years of college. So, earn your degree in 3 years.” And since I am the oldest and I believed everything they said, and since I didn’t have any money – I earned my degree in three years. I would later learn - that was a lie – and they would have paid for my college for as long as it took. Parents. LOL
I’d come back weekends to watch my younger brothers play football and for any other important occasion – you know how Mexican families are. Together.
After UT, I went to graduate school in Houston and was further away from The Valley. But I always knew I could come home. I knew there were people —my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family friends that feel more like angels --- who wanted me to visit.
At a UT football game with my brothers
In my 20s, I traveled, I dated, explored with my young life – but like a boomerang, I always came back home.
When Guapo and I were early on in our relationship – he would say things like, “it’s your parents’ home, it’s not your home.” And I’d say, “No. It is my home.” And he’d always stay confused – wondering why a 29-year-old woman would still call her parents’ home - home. I remember the first time he came to Christmas in The Valley. We gave him a uniform, and he worked Christmas Eve at Holiday Wine and Liquor – like a good boyfriend!
I managed the store; he managed the line of customers. At that time, Guapo was a pretty accomplished lawyer – and he wasn’t exactly used to working late on Christmas Eve helping customers out to their car with boxes – but he was in love!
Later that night, we went to my Abuelita’s for buñelos and tamales, and he had a big grin. “This is so nice.” “Yes, it is,” I said.
—
When Alexandra was only a few months old, Carlos, my youngest brother and I rented a home. It was a three-bedroom house—one bedroom for Carlos, one for me, and one for Alexandra. One week a month – Alexandra and I would drive from Austin to McAllen. My mom got to spend time with Alexandra, and I got to work at Holiday. We’d have pizza night and movie night – and God bless Carlos and his now-wife Ashley – I’d be pumping breast milk and interrupt their date to take the breast milk to the refrigerator. The things we do!
Uncle Los with Alexandra
Uncle Los being epic with baby Alexandra
Guapo and I grew, and Luciana came along, and we moved to Central America. And the more and more Guapo evolved as a papa – the more he said things like, “I am never leaving the girls. They can always live with us; maybe I’ll pay them not to go to college and hang out with me.” I looked at him and said, “You’re a Mexican dad, after all.”
And then, in casual conversation, I said, “Imagine Alexandra marrying someone and moving to another country. Imagine having to travel 12 hours to see your kid.”
That notion sat with us and when we knew we were coming back to the US – we said, “Let’s go be with family for a while.” And so after Central America, in October of 2019, we moved back to The Valley.
The four of us
The last year has been full of transitions.
New schools, friends, a new house, a change in lifestyle, and then, Corona. My goodness.
Guapo and the girls and I have been through a ton.
When Corona started in March, Guapo got sick, and we thought it was Corona. Guapo had already quarantined for ten days in our room. So I was the mom, nurse, cleaning lady around the clock for a few weeks – and I was already frazzled. Then one morning, his lips became discolored, and so we decided that he go to the ER. But moms don’t get to fall apart – at least not right away – because there’s still snack time, playtime, lunchtime, and bedtime. He packed his bag and went to the ER, and I did THE GROUP TEXT—the one where you ask people for help and prayers.
Immediately, everyone came to bat in big ways.
My Uncle dropped food on my doorstep, and within the hour, a family friend had called her suegra – and the suegra worked at the hospital, and she was able to get me information on Guapo that I would not have gotten otherwise. People just sent us their love in whatever way they could. Paper goods so I wouldn’t have to wash dishes, flowers, food, prayers. Love looks like a lot of things.
Christmas Brunch with framily - December 2019
During our time here, the girls have played with family, eaten raspas, and walked through the Valley Lemon orchards. They were flower girls for the first time and got to see their Uncle Los and Tia Ashley marry. When we drive by Weslaco stadium, Luci yells, “Panthers! Mommy – you went to Panthers!”
Weslaco High School Football game - October 2019
Alexandra sings the Holiday Wine and Liquor jingle every time she passes a Holiday. Alexandra just kind of thinks everyone has a business. She asked her grandparents to give her a building ( an entire one) – so she can open a gift shop. She wants to sell lemonade from the gift shop for $5.00. It’s excellent lemonade.
Alexandra and her Uncle Los at Holiday Wine and Liquor
For a while, Alexandra called it, “Mexi-callen,” instead of McAllen.
The girls have had so much fun with my parents. One night, my mom told Alexandra, “mi casa es su casa.” So about a month ago as we were leaving my parent’s house – Alexandra rearranged some decorations. And she said, “this is my house too.” “Yes, it is sweet girl.”
Valley Winter
My mom, Nana, reading a book to Luciana
Luciana trying to get my gum
Alexandra, Christmas 2019
By being here in The Valley, I got to remember what it was like to feel The Valley breeze and see the palm trees swaying in the wind. I got to see friends on a quick run to the grocery store and be called, Catia Hernandez. And people ask – even still – are you David and Nellie’s girl? Yes, I am.
Selfie at my dad’s desk
My 36th birthday cake and song in my dad’s office
I was able to officiate the wedding for my brother and sister-in-law.
Getting to officiate my brother’s and sister-in-law’s wedding
Plus, I got to be with my parents during all of this Corona mess. Did you know I have worked for my parents pretty much my entire life? I do ALL sorts of things for Holiday Wine and Liquor and the Texas Valley Lemons – but I was able to kick it into high gear for Holiday when Corona hit – and that was a big blessing.
And even with all the junk going on – I was able to get grounded. To feel loved and welcomed – to see old friends, to take morning walks on familiar trails.
I was able to spend Sunday afternoons with my folks and ask my mom for help with things that I could do myself if I had to. And, this was the first time in a long time that I was able to celebrate mother’s day and father’s day with my folks – in person!
I drove on the farm and got stuck in the mud. I was able to get all my art fixed up by my favorite frame shop and eat greasy taqueria. I even taught Guapo how to say things like, “this chick.” (You will only get this is you’re from The Valley.)
The Valley and this community is so dear to me.
Many people here have believed in me and have given me actual opportunities. They have taken leaps of faith on me, and I am truly humbled by it.
They’ve let me lead their groups, invited me to sit on boards, loaned me their church alters, supported my book and become my clients.
Guys, the Barnes and Noble on Nolana ( in McAllen) gave me my first ever Barnes and Noble book placement, got posters printed with my face on it, and held a book signing for me. Then, on book signing day – the staff gave me a locket that I still wear to this day. I’m grateful to Barnes and Noble – but I know that wasn’t Barnes and Noble – that was Valley people supporting other Valley people.
The Valley believes in me – and I believe in The Valley.
Fernando Rivera, Kay Jancik, me, Erren Seale - at a public speaking event at St. John’s Episcopal - May 2018
Susie Robertson and me - love her! - at a public speaking event - May 2018
Dora Brown and me at a keynote address for RGV Women of Purpose - March 2018
A keynote address - RGV Women of Purpose - March 2018
Barnes and Noble Book event- March 2018
Emceeing - The Festival of Color - October 2019
Vanessa Pardo and Monique Condes - my girlfriends who always cheer me on!
When my edges are unraveling – The Valley, Weslaco, my parents, my family – they shore me up. They get me good and strong for the next adventure. And that’s what the last year has felt like.
Tomorrow, I will leave The Valley again.
We bought our first home (does this make me a real adult?), and we are going to settle in for a while, hopefully, a long while.
I’m looking at all the cardboard boxes I’ve packed, our rental house in shambles, teary and grateful for the last year.
Guapo and the girls drove ahead, and so I have some time to write and think.
I never quite know where life is taking me ( us ), but I am happy that I got to come back to The Valley, and live here – with my handsome mid-western husband and my two amazing girls.
In my work, sometimes parents ask me, “how do I get my kids to stay, to come back? I don’t want them to leave.” And I always say, “Be kind, actively welcome them. Don’t try to control them. Give them stability. Create a safety net of love and understanding. Cook them a meal. Leave space in your life for them – maybe even some space in your house. Let them explore and play and always welcome them home for love.”
My mom and dad are coming over tonight. They are bringing me Koko’s fajitas, and we are going to have a socially distanced last supper before tomorrow’s big move. And I am just full of gratitude.
The Valley is in a tough spot right now, but it’s such a special place. Full of grit and love and hope.
Valley – you’re such good people. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams. I believe you are strong. I know you will overcome.
Until soon, friends. You know I’ll be back.
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Infinite Love | Show Up for Your Life
“Enter into a relationship with the universe, relationship as alive, as active, as vital as any other relationship. Then know that you are connected to the world and everything init. Know that the universal love, Divine love, is real and you are an important part of it.” -Melody Beattie, Journey to the HeartI
Life has a funny way of bringing us full circle.
Six years ago I was running bars and restaurants and I was having a blast! After a long work week, I’d cozy up on the couch with my dog, Beau Jackson and my cat, Charles and let my body and mind quite down.
Once I was really quiet, thoughts would start bubbling up. I’d start thinking about my feelings and where I wanted to go, and just the kind of woman I wanted to be. I didn’t quite know how to sort it all out - so I did what came naturally. I wrote. I wrote and wrote and started to share my thoughts via a blog. (This was bold stuff back then!) I was an aspiring writer, but didn’t yet have the language for it.
I spent years blogging about my feelings. It was both rewarding and brave. Every time I shared a blog post it revealed tender parts of me while at the same time encouraging others. And after a while, I found my style, my tone, as a writer.
April 2011
I started to gobble up books to be inspired and to learn. One of those books was Eat, Pray, Love. The decision to crack open Eat, Pray, Love was in hindsight, seminal. Elizabeth Gilbert infused courage into my heart as a woman and as a writer. She gave me permission to change, to love, to hurt and to seek.
In 2013, I got wind that Infinite Love, a community organization in the Rio Grande Valley, centered around love and meditation, was hosting Elizabeth Gilbert as a speaker - and I was over the moon delighted. Elizabeth Gilbert!!!! What an amazing opportunity. I was so happy just to be in her presence, I was swimming in gratitude.
Elizabeth Gilbert and I in 2013
That night I told her that her book changed my life and that I wanted to write a book one day. She hugged me and spoke encouragement over me and I left with a full heart.
——
On Wednesday May 1st, 2019, six years later, Infinite Love, the same organize that invited Elizabeth Gilbert, invited me to speak to their community.
I looked down the barrel of time and all the changes that had transpired and then it hit me.
It took six years, but I did what I set out to do. I put one foot in front of the other and designed the life I wanted. I changed careers, wrote and published a book, became a public speaker - and most importantly I found a way to not only be fulfilled but to be of service to my corner of the world. I have found a way to give my readers and audience members permission to change, to love, to hurt, to seek.
At Oprah’s Live the Life you Want Tour in 2014
With my girls celebrating the release of my book at Book People in Austin, 2017
At a Barnes and Noble Book Signing in 2018
Speaking to a group of college students at South Texas College in 2019
Life has a funny way of bringing us full circle.
—
The gathering of folks at Infinite Love on May 1st was holy.
There were men and women of all ages. There were men ready to release emotions and cry into my shoulder. One whispered, “One more hug please,” as his tears dried off.
There were women who told of traveling hours just to be there. There were moms who told me stories of their fractured relationships with daughters, clinging to hope.
There were people ready to pull the veil back and truly look at themselves. There was a husband in trucker hat and boots and a wife in a cardigans and flip flops, who wanted to connect and take their relationship to a deeper level.
There was a young college student who wanted encouragement because money was tight, a tired mom who wanted relief from her trauma filled past, and an eager mom and teenage son who traveled from North Mexico to come be a part of this event, this gathering.
Appearances would show a motley crew, but I know better. There’s nothing motley about souls who gather in that way.
As a speaker, I prepare months ahead of time. By the time I show up I have honed the information and my delivery hundreds of hours. I know what story will fit where and when to throw in a joke. And yet, when the event begins, I let all the technical go.
When the event begins, all that is left to do is for me to SEE every audience member. Hold them, hug them, pay attention to them, give their heart and their troubles a place of rest. And so even though I am the one with the microphone, it is an exchange of energy. Me and every single person in the audience, connecting and going deeper into truth, no matter how tender.
I have always had a great audiences. Every single one has been ready to share, to connect, and go there. This group, at Infinite Love, went above and beyond that. They were so present that what could have been just another Wednesday night, was a holy moment.
A lot of healing, a lot of tears, a lot of energy shifts, a lot of hugs.
This is my job, to see and hold my readers and audience members in their most tender moments and love them right where they are at. And it’s an honor.
—
Thank you to Infinite Love and the super sisters, Malka, Alka and Saju (and the rest of the family!) for being such a vital part of the Rio Grande Valley - you make a difference everyday. You are changing lives. You have made the world a better place.
Malka, Me, Saju and Alka - Three of the sisters who founded Infinite Love
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
2018. A Lot Happened.
I have never taken time to reflect about the previous year, and I don’t think I have ever been intentional about the upcoming year. I always just keep going.
But something was different this year.
I wanted to sit down and reflect. What did I actually DO in 2018? I didn’t want the time to slip away without the acknowledging of moments. Because as I get older, moments get so much more important to me. Do they get more important to you too?
Over the last few days I’ve thought about all that happened in 2018. It started with construction paper and a crayon. And then I took some time to write down my intentions for 2019. Standard issue for a lot of people, but it’s my first crack at it!
This list is so personal that it may not resonate with you. BUT - you have your own list of life happenings. Things that you leaped for and reached. Moments that brought you heartache. Moments you wish you could do over, moments you want to hold in your heart forever.
I sat down and looked at my cell phone pictures over the last year - so this list is long and yet truncated.
There are so many things not on this list that I value deeply.
When Luciana started to “say” grace before meals, when Guapo and I worked our way through some heavy moments, when Alexandra started to sing her way through the days and her ad-lib lyrics were, “You have the power of creation,” when Beau came to me in my dreams.
I lived a lot of life in 2018, and this is my way of acknowledging it.
2018 Happened
First book store event – Book People
Joined Noonday Collection, tried it — was terrible, left Noonday Collection ( blog on that later.)
Joined LIVE A GREAT STORY
Celebrated Luciana’s 1 year birthday
Guest on Network TV spots for The Courage to Become
Locked keys in car, the girls and I thanked someone for helping us by sharing a Popsicle.
Got to see Rob Bell with best friend Sarah
Moxie Matters Tour with Mom
Mom and I got closer
Barnes and Noble event for The Courage to Become
Used a fancy mic for the first time
Easter with Beau Jackson
Said goodbye to Austin
Said goodbye to Beau Jackson
Applied for TEDx, Created a TEDx talk, gave a TEDx talk
Silent Meditation retreat with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
First Spanish TV spot for The Courage to Become - in Spanish!
Sent 1,000,000 Courage to Become packages to Oprah , heard nothing back.
Upped my Zoloft, tapered off of Zoloft
Purged material things
Largest keynote to date, 200 women
Gave first donated event as an author/speaker – benefiting CASA in Austin
First speaking event in a church, on an alter!
Visited Iowa
Lived with Mom and Dad for 6 weeks
Moved to Panama
Climbed a mountain – La India Dormida
Celebrated 35th birthday with new friends, now good friends
Meditated
Made friends with the Ocean
Went ATVing on a mountain with Comads
Explored Panama City
Visited Contadora Island 2x
Celebrated Alexandra’s 4th birthday
Hosted family in Panama
Celebrated 5th wedding anniversary
Settled family into a new community
Applied for a new job as a fitness instructor
Got Zumba Strong certified
Created a community of friends
Saw a live starfish
Worked with my family
Let go of needing to know
Therapy - progress
Raised my vibe
Let go of trauma
Started Jiu Jitsu
Earned first jiu jitsu stripe
Thought about going to Colombia, took family trip to Colombia
Learned more about non-toxic living – have a cleaner house
Shined a light on 16 women through The Courage to Become Feature Series
Spread awareness about sexual assault and post-partum depression
Started personal training
Dropped more into my center
Started to learn about treating my liver well.
How’s that for a sexy ending? Treating my liver well! ha! Listen, as I age, my health becomes more important and I know it’s all a process — A LONG process - and I’m okay with that, because I’m here for it all.
Taking the time to reflect was fulfilling in a way I did not expect. Some of my own take-aways were:
Wow, that’s a lot of life lived. That’s a lot of change. That was A LOT. I am very fortunate. I am busy. I am exploring. I am moving forward. I am living well. I am in the flow.
Do you take time to reflect on the previous year? What have you learned? What are some things that are on your 2019 action list?
Whatever may be on your list. Know you are loved and powerful and that I am rooting for you. You deserve to live the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Leaving a Legacy
The word legacy is pretty loaded. Will you have mattered? Will other people think you mattered?
How will I be remembered? Will my life have mattered? Will people care when I'm gone? What will they remember most about me?
Most of us think about our "legacy" every now and then.
When it all shakes out, how will it turn out?
--
A few weeks ago Alexandra and I made the trip from Panama to the US. She, as per usual, was chatty and friendly. "Hi, I'm Alezzandra (she can't quite pronounce the "x" yet), what's your name? Oh, that's a pretty name." She acknowledged people, hugged them, and wished them well. In the airplane aisles, airport bathrooms, everywhere!
On our way from Panama to Houston she came across a man in his 70s. She introduced her self, asked him about his day, hugged his leg and went on her way. (We are working on asking permission before we hug ;) )
We walked to baggage claim and that gentleman in his 70s came up to me and said, "I hope I don't offend you, but I'd like to give you $20.00. Maybe you can buy your daughter some treats or a toy. She has really touched my heart and I just want to say thank you."
I wasn't offended at all and offered something else. I said, "Why don't you write her a note? You can send it to me via email and I will save it for her. (Guapo and I have made email addresses for the girls and we send them notes from time to time.)" I said, "When's she's older, she'll be able to value it.” He agreed, we exchanges niceties and we went our separate ways.
A few days later, he sent this note.
"hello Alexandra, remember me? George. thank you for your presence. i was truly surprised by a very special gift from God. yes, a four year old child named Alexandra introduced herself as we walked towards the customs immigration check point inside the houston intercontinental airport.
in today's society, we are always on guard from the fear of the evil's presence. but you Alexandra gave me a moment of peace. everything in relation to fear fell apart at the moment of your presence. to me, this is more valuable than anything i could ever imagine.
you reminded me of my reason to live. God wants us to share love. that very special moment in your presence was a God given gift for me through you. continue making a difference in this world. continue being a light from heaven in our hearts. you already have victory in the palms of your hands. sincerely, george"
---
Alexandra did that. Kindness did that. Love did that.
Alexandra is 4 and has already started leaving her legacy. A legacy of presence, kindness and love. A legacy that includes SEEING people and acknowledging them.
It doesn't take money or power or fame to leave a legacy.
So if you're wondering if you matter. You do. If you're wondering if people will miss you. They will. If you're wondering how you can leave a greater impact on this world, LOVE MORE. Really look at people, acknowledge them, love them fully and set them free to be ALL of who they are.
LEGACY = LOVE.
Who do you feel in your heart? Who do you carry around with you? If they are still with us on this earth, do they know you carry them with you? Wouldn't it be nice to send them a note and let them know how much they have made a difference in your life?
I want you to know that you matter and that your legacy need not be defined by professional accomplishments. Your legacy can be defined by love.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Leaving work Post Partum
Originally published on 7-24-13
Before graduating high school I was an honors student, played varsity golf and was a drum major of a 300 person marching band. When I graduated at 17 years old, I ranked 5th out of 600. After high school I attended UT Business School and clipped through that in 3 years, only to graduate at 20 years old. Immediately after UT I enrolled in graduate school at the University of Houston where I worked full time and took a full course load. After two years in graduate school I graduated with a 4.0 and got hired onto my then dream job, a manager at Eddie V’s Edgewater Grille in downtown Austin. In 2006 Eddie V’s was the sexiest place in town. The restaurant was filled with money, power, fame and beauty to boot. I was having my cake and eating it too. At 25 my family hired me full time to help run their million dollar business, Holiday Wine and Liquor. I attended community events, filmed commercials, conducted wine tastings, created team culture and built our brand. After four years with Holiday, I was hired in 2011 to be General Manager of Bar Operations at ACL-Live in downtown Austin. I was back in Austin and working at the hippest place in town. Mariah Carey told me to make it happen, and I did.
Well, a month ago I let ACL and all the cache that went with it, go. I left for two reasons. The first was to create a better environment for my relationship and future family. The second was to focus on Anna and see my dreams of writing and coaching come true.
But, seven days after I left ACL, it hit like an anvil, I was making less money and I had turned in all my street cred. Money equals power, right? Or does money equal freedom? Or does working at a cool place equal power and freedom? Whatever money and job status equals, I started to feel a little less than. I felt like a financial burden to my partner and it seemed the only way to rectify this was to work really hard at making our house perfect.
On the 8th day, I woke up at 7:45 and made the bed by 8am. I had never made the bed so early. By noon, I had washed dishes, rearranged the living room furniture, took out the trash and recycling, made iced tea, and thanked my boyfriend 78 times for reasons known and unknown. I kept thinking, “Oh, what a nice man to take me in with all my student loan debt, I’d better be extra appreciative today, he is the breadwinner after all!” I was thanking him at the rate that Pippen thanked Jordan. I was thanking him like Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman thanked Tom Cruise. I couldn’t stop thinking how disrespectful it would be to say, “You bring home the bacon and don’t forget to cook in for breakfast too!”
Maybe it was the Mexican servitude in me and maybe it was all those years of Catholic guilt indoctrination, but it was there and it was loud.
The fact that I was not contributing as much money to the family bank account grabbed a hold of me in a way I didn’t think it would. But, like the sun rises every morning, so too did God send me a teacher.
In the few weeks after my mind had been spinning, Guapo and I sat down with friends for dinner. There were three couples, and we sat divided at the table, three men and three women. Conversation got rolling and I had the patience to wait until our entrees to do what I do best, spill my beans.
I detailed my latest life developments which included: leaving ACL, making less money, feeling overloaded with domestic duties and feeling a little less than. I described to these ladies who are wonderful mothers and strong women, how I had been unsettled and how I was trying to get my sea legs for being what I have coined a ‘house person’ (since I’m not a Mom yet), someone who largely works from home and tends to house hold duties.
Elizabeth, a mom of three, looked at me and said, “Girl, when I left my job, it took me a year and a half to adjust!” She said, “Even though I knew it was the right decision for my family, I felt less than because I no longer had a job that people were in awe of.” Elizabeth continued with, “It took some real effort not to say, I’m just a stay at home mom. When the babies cried, I felt the need to jump out of bed and not inconvenience my husband who works long days.”
Vanessa, a mom of two, said, “Oh yes, I totally understand. At first you’ll feel the need to always have the dishwasher empty and have elaborate dinners cooked.” She too had a really cool job where she had more street cred than she could ask for. Vanessa also opened up and told me about the first time she went shopping after she became a stay at home mom. She said she paused out of guilt before buying a $50 bra, because maybe it wasn’t really communal money. Thankfully, Vanessa didn’t let the conversation end before telling me that there was a time she apologized to her husband for not having the dishes cleaned and he replied with, “Don’t worry about it, it’s not your job.” Surprised, Vanessa asked, “It’s not?” And she grabbed my hand and looked at me and said, “It’s not.” I felt relief sinking in.
There’s a lot to be said for women who support women. They could have easily brushed aside my comments, but they didn’t. They listened and empathized and responded. They held my hand, told me they knew exactly how I felt and sent me on my way. I am very grateful for them.
On the drive home after dinner, because I just had to have it all figured out before we were in the driveway I asked Guapo “What is my job now that I have so much free time?” He took a second and said, “Your job is to be kind and thoughtful and fulfilled, without those things our world doesn’t work.” He said, “You took a leap of faith on us, and I honor that. You giving up a job where you work nights and odd hours enhances our lives, and for that I’m grateful.” It finally started sinking in that I in fact was not a financial burden and that my increased presence in our lives was valued on time alone.
We parked the car, walked inside our home and I sat at the kitchen table while I watched Guapo buzz around the house. He fed the dogs and changed the slip covers on the sofa cushions and I told my Catholic guilt to hit the road.
The next day I reconciled that all my go getter accomplishments were still there and that “I” the person who did all those things didn’t vanish, I just decided to take another route. I made a deliberate choice to channel my energy into my home and my family and my dream of writing, and that doesn’t make me less than who I was six months ago. It in fact, gets me closer to being who I want to be.
Ladies, thank society for their idea of who you should be and if it doesn’t work for you, set it aside. Our greatest responsibility is not to make sure we fit into perfect boxes. Our greatest responsibilities as beings are to remain fulfilled and healthy and happy, so that we may make each of our corners a better place.
Some days I’ll have the bed made by 8am and some days I won’t, and it’s all okay.
Last Day
Originally published on 6-26-13
About 5 years ago I was living in McAllen and would visit Austin my home away from home and mosey downtown, particularly 2nd street and look at all the twinkly lights and busy eateries and wine bars and think, “Someday, I’m going to walk here, live here, be here, I’m not sure when or how, but I will.”
Then one day in early 2011, I got a phone call and on one end of the phone I heard, “You ready to move back?” I replied, “I’m in.” Tom my great friend and past and future boss man replied, “I can’t promise you anything, I’m not even sure I need a manager.” “I’ll make it work,” I said. “We’ll make it work,” he said, and we did.
By the first week of June 2011 I had an ACL Live all access badge, a parking pass and a spot on my favorite street in Austin. And as luck would have it, the twinkly lights were still up.
After two glorious years, June 16th was my last day at ACL Live.
For 2 years I have worked 2 full time jobs. I have been in overdrive and I have loved it. I worked as a General Manager of Bar Operations at ACL Live, fulfilled the Business Development role at Holiday Wine and Liquor, ran a marathon, did 2 Tough Mudders, jumped out of a plane, rappelled down a 32 story building, found a church home, fell in love, remembered to brush my teeth twice a day (ok, maybe not every day) and I tried my best to keep the laundry done and folded. Can I get a high five? Before you give me that high five, I can never promise anything is ironed; can I still get a high five?
I wanted to see just how much I could fit on my personal plate and the answer was, a lot. One day my friend and co-worker turned to me and said, “You’re intense.” I thought, “What, me?” I had never thought of it in that way, I always thought about it in terms of, why not?
My life was movin’ and groovin’ and then this rhyme started to creep into my head, First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Catia with a baby carriage, and I had to stop and reassess. Creating the best environment I could for my relationship and future family became my top priority and something had to give. Knowing it was the right thing for me, for our relationship and for the dream of writing Anna and reaching more people; I put in my notice at ACL Live.
During May and June I hugged the staff more, promised to keep in touch and made sure each team member knew how instrumental they had been in my life, and on my last I cried like a line cook cutting onions. To say that that last two years of my life have been the greatest life has offered me would not be an overstatement.
While eating a Schlotzky’s sandwich, drinking a cold diet coke and laughing so hard I snorted with friends I got to watch Louis CK perform 4 comedy shows standing 10 yards away, AND I got paid for it. I heard Miranda Lambert sing the song, the house that built me. I got to watch Diana Ross strut across stage and have her huge hair follow. I got to hear the Dixie Chicks belt out Wide Open Spaces while I sat on riser steps and cried my little eyes out because I thought they MUST have written that song about me. I got to hear Randy Travis sing Forever and Ever Amen while my boyfriend wrapped his arms around me. I was able to host my parents in a fancy suite when Chris Isaak was in town. Wicked games! Backstage, I spoke with Gary Clark Jr. and expressed to he and his parents that they should be proud they raised such a genuine and humble soul. And, I was blessed to work with my brother David and the experience was marvelous for reasons told and untold. Two full years at ACL Live were a gift from the universe and from the pied piper, Tom Farace.
Well Sunday the 16th was unforgettable. There were sweet gifts and hugs and well wishes and a going away bash that included cold champagne, grainy Polaroid’s now mounted on my refrigerator and safe cab rides home.
The concerts were cool, but the good stuff, the good stuff you can’t buy. For me, the magic is in bartending team I worked with. The value is in the tens of thousands of high fives exchanged, all the goofy dancing we did together, learning about each other, and all the laughter and joy exchanged (even when the jokes were so gross I’d go into convulsions). Here’s to all of my favorites there at 310 Willie Nelson Blvd. I will miss hugging you, giving you high fives, telling dirty jokes with you and asking you if you have any candy.
Folks, the universe will give you what you need when you need it; you just have to ask for it.
Claim Yours
Originally published on 2-18-13
I have grown up in a family that even though we’re well intentioned we’re not always the healthiest. We like many others have fallen into a pattern of celebrating with food and drink and as a bonus since my folks own liquor stores; there’s been plenty of drinking. Each of us had our battles with weight and some of us have been more successful than others but this weekend we handed out our first ever “Most Improved Player” award.
My 25 year old brother Carlos has always been overweight, but since he’s been overweight since I can remember, from my perspective it never felt like such an overwhelming problem. I always thought he’s young; he’ll have time to fix himself up. During high school and parts of college Carlos was active but like most of America he let his health fall by the wayside.
Well about a year ago something clicked in his head and he started to drink less, eat right and workout. Slowly we all saw his transformation first it was -10 pounds, then -20 pounds, then -50 pounds and even -80 pounds.
Last fall when he had dropped 84 pounds he and I went skydiving as a celebration of life and accomplishment. It was truly exhilarating. As an added anxiety bonus, the weight maximum for someone Carlos’ height was 231 and when the sky diving attendance asked him to step on the scale to check his weight we both started at the digital numbers in anticipation and then then verdict was 228! We’re in. Tiger Woods arm pump! We both breathed a sigh of relief and suited up for the sky dive. Then we got nervous about the dive! We were so busy worrying about his weight we had forgotten to worry about dropping from 10,000 feet in the air!
A few weeks later at negative 90 pounds my brothers and our friend and I participated in a Tough Mudder race. It’s a 12 mile obstacle course with 25 military style like obstacles. We trekked through miles of mud, survived 3 electrocution obstacles (yes actual electrocution), scaled 20 foot walls, jumped in pools of water from 30 feet high and swam through ice cold 32 degree water, we felt exhilarated! It was nuts. But, Carlos’ being in shape was crucial to the team. Two people were Life Flighted from the race that day.
Then yesterday at -105 pounds he ran the Livestrong Austin running event and completed his first half marathon! He signed up of his own volition and trained old school with an ipod and some running shoes. Yesterday Carlos finished 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 7 minutes and solidified the age old adage; you can do anything you put your mind to.
What a privilege to see him grow and learn and discover a new found sense of pride and confidence.
To anyone who is out there reading this waiting to take the first step, don’t wait another second. Go reclaim your life. Take it.
Charles the Magic Cat
Originally published on 7-26-12
Monday morning I woke up heartbroken because Sunday afternoon I found Charles lying under a car and he had passed away from a snake bite. The left side of my face was buried in my pillow and I had been awake no more than two or three minutes before tears started rolling down my cheeks and soaking my pillow. I had gone to bed crying and woke up crying. It’s like my body said, “that’s enough for today, take these 6 hours of rest and use them wisely, and we’ll pick up where we left off in the morning.”
Charles was my 3 year old cat. I claimed him, but he was really everyone’s cat. If you were open to receiving love from a 10 pound rescue cat with a teeny nub for a tail, he’d pour it on.
Charles came to my brother Carlos and me a few years ago at our home on Maple Street. He nudged his way into our home and our hearts. The Hernandez clan was a rock solid dog family; no cat had ever been able to woo us into keeping it, but Charles worked his magic. He gradually progressed from eating whatever deli meat we left out to, getting all fixed up at the vet (on our first trip to the vet I walked him in on a leash, oopsie--I had only had a dog up until then!) to getting his own Christmas stocking, and the clincher was that when Beau and I moved from McAllen to Austin—Charles made the trip with us. We were a little family.
He was from McAllen but had a South Austin personality. Charles was relaxed, friendly and loving, but never lost his edge (one time he brought me a mangled rabbit and left it on my front door as a gift.) He made friends with everyone, including dogs and squirrels and the most cynical of cat critics. Sometimes he’d even join Beau and me at the dog park. And even sometimes, as my neighbor confessed, if Charles was in a particularly charming mood, he could convince you that his diet lacked fried fish sticks. Slick.
Like a lot of our pets that come from loving homes, he lived the best of lives; some may even say he lived the perfect life. He was taken care of in every way and was also allowed all the freedom that he desired. Isn’t that a nice sentiment, to be loved how you need and to be allowed the freedom to stretch your wings? Sounds like my dream situation. Charles’ routine was to greet me when I got home, eat dinner, shuffle out the front door, explore his little area of the world, come home in time for breakfast, get a good 10 hours of sleep in his bed and start fresh.
Charles is gone now, but each time I see reminders of him, I smile and thank the universe that it loaned me Charles and his spirit for a time, however short. As an ode to my last entry, it takes time, but the joy does supersede the hurt.
My little Charles was golden. Let’s take a page from Charles and: learn to make friends wherever we go, live exactly the way we want, and never lose our edge.