Courage to Become | Shea Jones
Becoming a youth pastor who has never been to seminary is also an obstacle for me. It was one of my pastor's ideas and sounded crazy to me at first. But, he said... “you're already doing it, Shea.” So, I worry about the teaching aspects sometimes and try to overcompensate with the connection, fun, community & service parts, but I'm also a natural learner so I think deep down I'm capable.
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Shea is one of them.
Enjoy her story of becoming. Shea makes me grin from ear to ear because she cares so much. I can feel her caring through the internet. She loves her people and her community well, she wants the best for all of us, and she’s not afraid to work hard at those things. Please welcome, Shea!
Shea Jones from Austin New Church
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I'm a mom of two sassy elementary-aged girls. A wife, friend, daughter, youth pastor (for 4 yrs), and accountant (for 20). I've always been a bit of a rebel, from a young age. I could never shake my head yes if my gut said no. Which caused strife when I was younger and I learned how to navigate it better, to show discernment in responding, to make it count, to be heard, and helpful. I was raised by people who told me my voice mattered which I didn't realize was somewhat uncommon, so I have always believed it does, matter.
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
I majored in government at UT Austin and always wanted to be in politics or become a lawyer. I've done neither.
I love that I get to tell my students that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And that I added a new career (pastoring) at 38 yrs old. I didn't love school so I think that's part of why I never became a lawyer... although I worked a lot while I went to college (and had a decent amount of fun) so maybe that's why I didn't totally love it. Because I do love learning. I haven't been in politics because I think because I realized how risky, and uncertain it is and that doesn't pair well with my control-freak tendencies.
I'm also not sure I have thick enough skin.
Although... because my life & church is so driven by social justice issues in a way I feel like I get to do parts of both, just without the official title. I also have super loved getting involved in local politics.. my city and school board, etc. -- just taking every opportunity to get to know them because I feel like local politics can be super hard to feel connected to and understand.
Shea with the Austin New Church Students
How did it feel getting started?
I feel like I'm always getting started.
I've never been a visionary or dreamer. Any job or opportunity I've gotten hasn't been because I've dreamed it up. It's generally been pointed out by someone else that I should try it. Or I've just tried to work hard, kind, and be impactful wherever I've been, which I think has left me open to the things that have come my way and been a part of my journey. My husband is a dreamer.. he's creative... know's where he wants to retire & what he wants to be doing (fly fishing)... and I've always been pretty content to just be with my people, so I'll pretty much be where he is with some books. At first, I used to feel inadequate around him because I didn't have a dream to be a rock star or write music, but I realized it's what makes us work, and it's okay to not know what you want next. But be curiously & optimistically open for whatever presents itself.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started pastoring?
When I think about my life I think I have always been blessed with family, resources, support & friendship.
Some general challenges in my life have been my dad committing suicide when I was 24 (due to alcoholism & depression) and my parents’ divorce I believe. My husband also had a little sister pass when he was in middle school from Muscular Dystrophy so we're very aware that our lease of parenting, love, relationships are very much affected by both having lost someone in our immediate families sooner than you're generally 'supposed' to.
We know that makes us appreciate what we have & try to be present, but we also know it makes us worry & fear. The people we have lost are never far from our thoughts and that can be both a good & bad thing I think. Becoming a youth pastor who has never been to seminary is also an obstacle for me. It was one of my pastor's ideas and sounded crazy to me at first. But, he said... “you're already doing it, Shea.” So, I worry about the teaching aspects sometimes and try to overcompensate with the connection, fun, community & service parts, but I'm also a natural learner so I think deep down I'm capable.
I've also 'been in church' my whole life so that should count for something. The difference is since I didn't have a clue I'd be a pastor one day (was NEVER on my radar) I didn't listen in church the way you would if you thought you'd be teaching it one day. Maybe that's the lesson.. we should all be prepared to teach anything we're learning. Another recent obstacle is the kidney donation thing that happened 2 years ago, but I don't talk about that a ton bc it feels weird. It was a super-spiritual process for me, which would be a whole other paragraph+ but the gist is I didn't want fear to lead my decision. I felt it was important for my kids to see that, and I do believe that as we can we are meant to give back all we have, because Jesus told us to.
Shea with the Austin New Church Students
What motivates you to be a pastor?
I am motivated mostly by CONNECTION. One of my pastor bosses had me do the Strengthfinders 2.0 test and that was revealed to me. It makes me realize that connection drives most of what I do, how I respond, where I find my purpose & my gratitude. I can't stand fluff, or surface, or cliche for the life of me. That is the downfall. I crave authenticity to a fault - probably.
Which living person do you most admire?
I've always LOVED Oprah. When she had her last show about 8-9 years ago I had a watch party with like 30 friends. We made Oprah's favorite cocktail (Moscow mule), we served O-shaped food. It was a blast. And felt a bit like the end of an era. Oprah stood up for all people before it was cool. I had friends who didn't like her because she was too inclusive. Which is probably why I love her.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Singing! I literally can't carry a tune but I love to sing. And maybe sometimes I can if I'm lucky but the problem is I'm so tone-deaf that I wouldn't know it. And my husband's a musician so it extra hurts. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in my grandparent's church when I was around 8 years old that I couldn't sing... I actually have always felt VERY loved by him despite how he left this earth, and know he was trying to be funny, but his comment has stuck with me.
What is your most marked characteristic?
I think I'm kind of an asshole. I've gotten better at reigning it in, but as I've said I kind of always have been an IDGAF person. In fact, I should probably read a book that says "You should give a F more than you do!" LOL. I know this helps me in times but it has hurt relationships too, so I've had to learn from it. Learn how to become a better LISTENER. Actually work at that skill. I did when I started having coffee with people after the last presidential election, who voted differently than me. I knew politics weren't going away and neither was social media, so I really wanted to do a sampling and LISTEN, CONNECT, UNDERSTAND (even if we don't agree), then figure out how to TREAT each other better. Figure out why I responded so passionately inside myself.
What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?
I feel like my favorite motto changes about every quarter or so based on what I'm experiencing or learning at the time. I got this from a recent online boundaries course (by Kay Bruner) ... "literally the only thing we can control is the way we love each other."
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
I'm proud to be a good friend, mom, wife, and granddaughter. I'm proud to love teenagers well just as they are. To create a safe space for them to explore their faith. To be fully themselves, to not fear to ask hard questions or uncertainties... to fear silence about those things instead. I wasn't comfortable with the title youth pastor at first but I am now. And still today I will Google the word pastor and then think... yes, I am spiritually guiding teens. I am a pastor.
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in mud?
I'm not one to open up to many when I'm down but I can be vulnerable with a few close friends, and especially my mom and husband. The funny thing about Tommy (my husband) and me is we were head over heels in love and talked marriage early on but he was oddly practical about making sure I was going to be someone who would compromise and be a good teammate.
There's a story early on of me giving him an ultimatum to pick his rock band or me. And he called my bluff, which I wasn't used to, and he picked the band.
It was a humbling two day break up and I had to come groveling back and ask for help. And I think it shaped the tone of our marriage, in which we take turns leading each other. But it starts with creating space for each other to be vulnerable.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Listen to you gut. It's generally trying to tell you something. It could be Jesus.
What is one piece of advice you would give your 20 year old self?
You're doing the best you can with what you know right now.
Isn’t Shea amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to reach out squeeze her neck right now.
I am so grateful that she shared her story with us. So much hope and forward motion in it. I loved it!
I know you’ll want to connect with Shea, here’s how you can.
Facebook , Instagram, Austin New Church , Austin New Church Students on Instagram, Austin New Church Students on Facebook
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational and TEDx speaker , Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Weekly Wisdom Guide
Shine your brightest,
When you're loved so well, you know you're enough | A farewell to The Mujeres Increibles
When I landed in Panama, I did not know one person. A week after we landed, I found a small gym and started taking Zumba classes. Sometimes, I was the only student. Awkward. In Austin, where I had lived before, I was a member of a large gym with 456 class offerings and all sorts of amenities. Stepping foot into the simplest of gyms was quite a departure. Still, I went. And after a few months of taking Zumba classes, I started to feel my courage bubble up. Many people would say it is not courageous to want to teach a fitness class in a tiny beach town in Central America. But it was my version of bold.
I contacted the owner and threw my hat in the ring. “I’d love to teach a class!”
She replied, “Do you have any type of certification?”
“No, I don’t, but I can lead.”
“Okay, thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.”
Total strikeout.
I’m not sure what I expected since I had no training, but still, the rejection stung a little.
BUT, a few weeks later, the owner called me and asked if I could substitute teach two Zumba classes. “Sure!” I was so thrilled. I watched YouTube videos and practiced moves. Picture it.
Okay. Stop picturing it.
The big day arrived, and I was ready was 4, maybe even 5 students!
One sweet lady showed. Marie.
It was a dumpster fire of an hour. 5, 6, 7, 8.
I was so pitiful at teaching Zumba. I’m cringing just thinking about it. I had NO CLUE what I was doing or how to communicate.
Still, I went home and practiced more. I’m no quitter, and I had a second class to teach!
Again, Marie was the only student. And again, I totally sucked.
It was so humbling and embarrassing.
I left with my tail between my legs.
I returned, with relief to my spot as a student.
A few weeks went by, and my phone rang. It was the owner of the gym. “Can you teach a weights class?”
“HELL YES I CAN! I have been working out since I was about 18 years old, and I have done thousands of weight class, Cross Fit classes, cardio classes, all sorts of things!”
This I could do.
So I showed up, ready, and confident.
On my first day, I had four students. Irina, Andrea, Cinthia, and Lole.
I didn’t know any of the ladies previous to the class, but it was an absolute blast! I had only been in Panama for a few months, and I still didn’t have friends. But I wanted friends. Maybe they could be my friends?
We came to Panama as a family to slow down, to take things off of our career plates, and to enjoy our children more. And the more we slowed down, the more space feelings had to rise to the surface.
For so long, I had been paying the meter on my career. Even when my career was running bars and restaurants, I had to be in constant forward motion. I thought that my worth was attached to who I was affiliated with, what I was producing, and what I could give other people. I always had some impressive pieces to present. Maybe it was that I had a great job and interacted with famous people, maybe it was that I lived in a fancy neighborhood, maybe it was that I published a book, maybe it was that I was a TEDx speaker. I could always hang my hat on some external thing, and that always brought me a sense of relief. If they know this ______________, then I’ll be validated.
But I started to notice, at the end of every finish line crossed, I never felt any different. I always felt like the same person. Never better or more validated or more qualified. And I started to get curious.
Who would I be without the hot poker of achievement moving me forward? Could I just be still? Would I be happy with my life, with myself if I was bare?
And so when I landed in Panama, I decided to do an experiment. I decided to let it all go.
It helped that all the hooks I used to hang my hat on, were nonexistent in Panama. There were no book stores, no bloggers, and there was no speaking circuit. No one was trying to amass a following or build a career.
And it was a HUGE relief. I never had to talk about work or my husband’s job or my career. None of it was important.
In the community where we landed, there was NO COMPETITION, even subconsciously, for anything. And even though it took me time to find the language for it, my body and heart knew, “Oh, this, this is what we’ve been needing.”
And so, for the first time maybe ever, I was myself.
I presented as Catia. Mom of two girls, wife to husband, from Texas. That was it. I didn’t have any stories attached to me. My history wasn’t important, the only thing that mattered was the present moment. The clothes I wore or the house I lived in or the car I drove didn’t matter. All that mattered was that my friends and I went for coffee and bagels after gym class. Who I was married to didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was friendly.
And so I would show up to my gym class, and teach. I’d blare good music, and I would cheer on my students and laugh while I made up crazy workout combos. Slowly, we started to schedule play dates and text back and forth and eat meals together. My students had no idea that this way of living was absolutely foreign to me. They were too, just being themselves.
The gym was the most perfect place for me to land. It was everything I loved – women, music, teaching, encouraging, and fitness all rolled into one. I would cheer my students on and say things like, “embarrassment doesn’t exist here,” and “no one gets left behind!” I’d remind them of how sexy and strong they were. And we went from teacher/student to friend/friend.
We had so many laughs, and we also had tender moments. One day during class, my friend started crying. I’ll never forget it. I stopped class, and I walked over to her and just hugged her. She kept crying on my shoulder, and I told her it was going to be okay, and that she could cry. We stood in the middle of ten women, hugging. And when the tears stopped, we started the class up again. No further explanation. A pause, some tears, and a bear hug were enough.
My students who became friends were from all over! Russia, South Africa, Panama, Slovakia, Peru, Chile, Brazil, Canada, USA, Colombia, Cuba – so much diversity in one small gym class. Many a morning spent together, working out and pushing our bodies and also giving ourselves time, as women, as moms and wives to do some self-care. I taught three classes a week for about a year. It was the greatest surprise.
And so a few days ago, when they threw me a surprise farewell brunch, I was so tender and teary.
My friends walked me into Barbara’s house (one of our other friends) to see her “new decorations,” and they yelled, “SURPRISE!”
And I wept.
No one had ever thrown a surprise party for me. My first ever!
All my girlfriends were there, and I was overflowing with gratitude.
The brunch layout was the best I’d ever seen, and every detail from the infused water to the coffee cups was perfect. I felt so loved and cared for. I was on the brink of tears the entire time, and so when they started presenting me with the most touching and personal gifts, I lost it. And I knew I had to tell them what I had realized.
I told them about landing in Panama and having no one. I said how I valued them. I told them how I was so grateful for their love and friendship, and I gave them to utmost thanks for guiding me back to myself.
Me without achievement. The real me.
They showed me that I, on my own, was enough.
I
Was
Enough.
I’m not sure I had ever felt that before.
Many people love me and have loved me through many stages.
But I had never put myself in a situation where I had taken SO MUCH off my career plate that I was left kind of empty-handed, nothing to show off.
The entire experience was freeing and liberating and absolutely life-changing.
I am deeply grateful for every single one of these ladies. They will be a part of me forever.
Mujeres Increibles, Majo, Allison, Nina, Adriana, Pam, Natalia, Lole, Irina, Barbara, Cinthia, Julie, Judy, Bia, Andrea S., and Andrea L.,
Gracias por amarme bien. Son una bendicion! El mundo tiene suerte de tenerte, y mas que nada eres suficiente.
Thank you for loving me well. You are angels on earth. The world is lucky to have you, and above all else, you are enough.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Infinite Love | Show Up for Your Life
“Enter into a relationship with the universe, relationship as alive, as active, as vital as any other relationship. Then know that you are connected to the world and everything init. Know that the universal love, Divine love, is real and you are an important part of it.” -Melody Beattie, Journey to the HeartI
Life has a funny way of bringing us full circle.
Six years ago I was running bars and restaurants and I was having a blast! After a long work week, I’d cozy up on the couch with my dog, Beau Jackson and my cat, Charles and let my body and mind quite down.
Once I was really quiet, thoughts would start bubbling up. I’d start thinking about my feelings and where I wanted to go, and just the kind of woman I wanted to be. I didn’t quite know how to sort it all out - so I did what came naturally. I wrote. I wrote and wrote and started to share my thoughts via a blog. (This was bold stuff back then!) I was an aspiring writer, but didn’t yet have the language for it.
I spent years blogging about my feelings. It was both rewarding and brave. Every time I shared a blog post it revealed tender parts of me while at the same time encouraging others. And after a while, I found my style, my tone, as a writer.
April 2011
I started to gobble up books to be inspired and to learn. One of those books was Eat, Pray, Love. The decision to crack open Eat, Pray, Love was in hindsight, seminal. Elizabeth Gilbert infused courage into my heart as a woman and as a writer. She gave me permission to change, to love, to hurt and to seek.
In 2013, I got wind that Infinite Love, a community organization in the Rio Grande Valley, centered around love and meditation, was hosting Elizabeth Gilbert as a speaker - and I was over the moon delighted. Elizabeth Gilbert!!!! What an amazing opportunity. I was so happy just to be in her presence, I was swimming in gratitude.
Elizabeth Gilbert and I in 2013
That night I told her that her book changed my life and that I wanted to write a book one day. She hugged me and spoke encouragement over me and I left with a full heart.
——
On Wednesday May 1st, 2019, six years later, Infinite Love, the same organize that invited Elizabeth Gilbert, invited me to speak to their community.
I looked down the barrel of time and all the changes that had transpired and then it hit me.
It took six years, but I did what I set out to do. I put one foot in front of the other and designed the life I wanted. I changed careers, wrote and published a book, became a public speaker - and most importantly I found a way to not only be fulfilled but to be of service to my corner of the world. I have found a way to give my readers and audience members permission to change, to love, to hurt, to seek.
At Oprah’s Live the Life you Want Tour in 2014
With my girls celebrating the release of my book at Book People in Austin, 2017
At a Barnes and Noble Book Signing in 2018
Speaking to a group of college students at South Texas College in 2019
Life has a funny way of bringing us full circle.
—
The gathering of folks at Infinite Love on May 1st was holy.
There were men and women of all ages. There were men ready to release emotions and cry into my shoulder. One whispered, “One more hug please,” as his tears dried off.
There were women who told of traveling hours just to be there. There were moms who told me stories of their fractured relationships with daughters, clinging to hope.
There were people ready to pull the veil back and truly look at themselves. There was a husband in trucker hat and boots and a wife in a cardigans and flip flops, who wanted to connect and take their relationship to a deeper level.
There was a young college student who wanted encouragement because money was tight, a tired mom who wanted relief from her trauma filled past, and an eager mom and teenage son who traveled from North Mexico to come be a part of this event, this gathering.
Appearances would show a motley crew, but I know better. There’s nothing motley about souls who gather in that way.
As a speaker, I prepare months ahead of time. By the time I show up I have honed the information and my delivery hundreds of hours. I know what story will fit where and when to throw in a joke. And yet, when the event begins, I let all the technical go.
When the event begins, all that is left to do is for me to SEE every audience member. Hold them, hug them, pay attention to them, give their heart and their troubles a place of rest. And so even though I am the one with the microphone, it is an exchange of energy. Me and every single person in the audience, connecting and going deeper into truth, no matter how tender.
I have always had a great audiences. Every single one has been ready to share, to connect, and go there. This group, at Infinite Love, went above and beyond that. They were so present that what could have been just another Wednesday night, was a holy moment.
A lot of healing, a lot of tears, a lot of energy shifts, a lot of hugs.
This is my job, to see and hold my readers and audience members in their most tender moments and love them right where they are at. And it’s an honor.
—
Thank you to Infinite Love and the super sisters, Malka, Alka and Saju (and the rest of the family!) for being such a vital part of the Rio Grande Valley - you make a difference everyday. You are changing lives. You have made the world a better place.
Malka, Me, Saju and Alka - Three of the sisters who founded Infinite Love
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
“Must be nice.” Words that used to cripple me.
My parents were and are really hard workers (My mom was born in Mexico and migrated to the US, my dad was born in Texas and grew up working on farms,) and they opened their own business in 1982-- and the fact that they were business owners was enough to get people to bully me as a young girl.
Must be nice to have it so good. Must be nice to have it so easy. Must be nice to not have to work so hard. Must be nice to be teacher’s pet.
And the ultimate dread was that they would say these things to me in Spanish. I’d get steamrolled verbally and I couldn’t keep up or respond and I’d just have to walk away with my tail between my legs.
After enough bullying I subconsciously I started to defend my life.
Every time I would encounter a blessing, or something fun and simple like a new outfit, I’d book end it with 9-year-old versions of “But I also encounter struggle.” I’d go off explaining how I too suffer. How life is hard for me from time to time. How I don’t have it all. How I hurt. How my life wasn’t perfect. I’d laugh it off and sometimes throw in some self-deprecating humor – anything to convince my classmates I was worthy of belonging.
The truth of my childhood was that I was blessed.
I had amazing parents who loved me well and kept me safe. I always had food and clean clothes and never wanted for anything. I had birthday parties and Halloween costumes and complete emotional support. I did have nicer things than some of my friends, but not the nicest. My mom drove a blue Toyota Corolla, a grey Astro van and then a maroon Ford Tarus station wagon because if would fit the snare drum that I toted to school every day.
I never felt entitled. I always felt grateful and more than that, a responsibility. A responsibility to do the best with what my parents had worked so hard to give me.
So I did. I worked hard. (I wrote about how my parents gave me the gift of grit here.) I was a good student. I tried my hand and did well at UIL writing, marching band, jazz band, golf – and all sorts of other extracurricular activities.
What I wanted more than anything back then, was for someone to acknowledge my hard work. I wanted my peers to see how much I tried – how much I was earning what I was receiving.
I wanted to be able to be blessed, work hard and also belong.
I started working for and with my parents when I was 8. And every holiday, and summer vacation – while my friends were watching tv and going to the mall, I was working with my parents. I put in a lot of hours. My duties were simple, but I was working. And by the time I was 14, every summer, I was working full-time as a cashier.
I was blessed, I did have it nice, AND I stewarded both well.
What would give me knots and throw me into a shame spiral was when people dismissed my hard work.
And so I learned to sandwich every blessing with difficulty. And over the years it became part of who I was.
Has that ever happened to you? A bad habit just become part of who you are?
I would dim my light and hide my joy because if I was truly standing in all of who I was, I was a target for ridicule.
As I became a wife and mom and continued my path of healing and self-discovery, I started to be curious about this part of myself. The part that wanted everyone to know that I worked hard, that I was deserving, that I was worthy.
It’s still a tender spot for me.
I still guard that part of my heart close.
Photo Credit: Iliasis Muniz
But I have started to shed the layers of shame around “it being nice.”
I am a good person, who takes good care of friends and family and everyone in my world. I am grateful and generous with my time and thoughts and effort. Most of this is not public – and yet I know that I have made a difference in lives of many people for the better. And I do it from a place of sincerity. I want to make the world a better place and I do what I can where I can.
--
It can be hard to share blessings with the world because you’re always putting yourself out there for others to comment, “must be nice,” with an undertone of dismissal.
I am 35 now and learning that it is a disservice to my joy and my life and the lives of those around me if I am constantly tampering down all that I’ve received – whether it be by blessing, fortune, luck, or hard work.
Even right now, my old habits are creeping up and I want to tell you how much I have struggled.
“Everyone lives three lives, public, private and secret.” - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
I want to share with you why I deserve all the goodness in my life. I want to tell you that I am grateful for it. That I treat people well. That I deserve it.
But I’ll stop myself.
I’ll stop myself because I want you to know that you deserve ALL the goodness the Universe and God can send your way with having to defend it.
What would our lives look like and feel like if we accepted all that goodness with grateful heart, enjoyed it and were good stewards of it? Can we begin to lean into that?
May you know you are worthy of a peaceful life.
May you know that you can experience goodness in its fullness without defending yourself.
May you know that you are deserving.
May you know that you have nothing to prove.
May you know that when you rise to the occasion that is your life, it gives us permission to the same.
May you know that more you share the goodness in your life, the more you will receive.
May you know that you belong not despite anything, but because you are.
Feature Image: Abel Riojas Photography
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Leaving a Legacy
The word legacy is pretty loaded. Will you have mattered? Will other people think you mattered?
How will I be remembered? Will my life have mattered? Will people care when I'm gone? What will they remember most about me?
Most of us think about our "legacy" every now and then.
When it all shakes out, how will it turn out?
--
A few weeks ago Alexandra and I made the trip from Panama to the US. She, as per usual, was chatty and friendly. "Hi, I'm Alezzandra (she can't quite pronounce the "x" yet), what's your name? Oh, that's a pretty name." She acknowledged people, hugged them, and wished them well. In the airplane aisles, airport bathrooms, everywhere!
On our way from Panama to Houston she came across a man in his 70s. She introduced her self, asked him about his day, hugged his leg and went on her way. (We are working on asking permission before we hug ;) )
We walked to baggage claim and that gentleman in his 70s came up to me and said, "I hope I don't offend you, but I'd like to give you $20.00. Maybe you can buy your daughter some treats or a toy. She has really touched my heart and I just want to say thank you."
I wasn't offended at all and offered something else. I said, "Why don't you write her a note? You can send it to me via email and I will save it for her. (Guapo and I have made email addresses for the girls and we send them notes from time to time.)" I said, "When's she's older, she'll be able to value it.” He agreed, we exchanges niceties and we went our separate ways.
A few days later, he sent this note.
"hello Alexandra, remember me? George. thank you for your presence. i was truly surprised by a very special gift from God. yes, a four year old child named Alexandra introduced herself as we walked towards the customs immigration check point inside the houston intercontinental airport.
in today's society, we are always on guard from the fear of the evil's presence. but you Alexandra gave me a moment of peace. everything in relation to fear fell apart at the moment of your presence. to me, this is more valuable than anything i could ever imagine.
you reminded me of my reason to live. God wants us to share love. that very special moment in your presence was a God given gift for me through you. continue making a difference in this world. continue being a light from heaven in our hearts. you already have victory in the palms of your hands. sincerely, george"
---
Alexandra did that. Kindness did that. Love did that.
Alexandra is 4 and has already started leaving her legacy. A legacy of presence, kindness and love. A legacy that includes SEEING people and acknowledging them.
It doesn't take money or power or fame to leave a legacy.
So if you're wondering if you matter. You do. If you're wondering if people will miss you. They will. If you're wondering how you can leave a greater impact on this world, LOVE MORE. Really look at people, acknowledge them, love them fully and set them free to be ALL of who they are.
LEGACY = LOVE.
Who do you feel in your heart? Who do you carry around with you? If they are still with us on this earth, do they know you carry them with you? Wouldn't it be nice to send them a note and let them know how much they have made a difference in your life?
I want you to know that you matter and that your legacy need not be defined by professional accomplishments. Your legacy can be defined by love.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Amy Wolff
My Courage of Becoming Grey || Essay by: Amy Wolff
My whole life I've craved security, comfort, safety, and predictability.
When I was young, my parents gave me an allowance with the clear expectation that I would give 10% to charity and put 10% into savings. The rest I could spend on whatever my heart desired (probably Polly Pockets). But every month I gave 10% away and hoarded the rest into savings. That's right, as a kid I opted out of 'fun' spending. I chose security.
Which also explains why I see things as black-and-white. Clear right and wrong. Neat and predictable. In my teens years this kept me out of a lot of trouble (you’re welcome, Mom and Dad!). As a rule-follower with an active Christian faith, boundaries were comforting, not restricting. I learned to easily navigate life within the walls of my morality.
But unfortunately walls that keep you safe also keep you isolated.
Over the last few years I’ve felt overwhelmingly defensive and misunderstood (particularly while scrolling through my social media feeds). I’ve been easily offended, often irritated, and if I were being honest, quick to judge. I’m surprised I don’t have permanent damage from all the eye-rolling I’ve done at articles, comments, or at headlines from particular news sources.
That’s what happens when you build walls; everyone on the outside becomes the unrelatable unreasonable other.
Surely this wasn’t loving my neighbors well - picking sides, shouting from soap boxes, and devaluing perspectives and opinions when they didn’t align with my own. It was exhausting and felt rotten. Something had to change, and it wasn’t the others. It was me.
This is my story of becoming grey.
I remember the moment the transformation started. Several years ago I was sitting on my bed scrolling through Facebook when I saw a friend share a video of two men, both gay, speaking at a Christian university. One was arguing that gay marriage is not in violation of God’s will. The other was arguing that acting on his sexual desires was in violation.
What amazed me was the respect these men had for each other. They were on opposing ends of a divisive and deeply personal issue and yet they still honored one another. Their talk included practical ideas of engaging in difficult conversations with people who disagree with you.
When the video ended, I sat there bewildered. Courage stirred.
That’s the day I started my journey of empathy - to understand and sincerely care about the others.
Shortly after committing to the journey, I met Lindsey, Missy and Patrick.
Lindsey: When the Black Lives Matter movement began, I decided that having an informed opinion on the issue required me, a white woman, to ask a person of color about their experiences and feelings. I looked around my friend group: there was none. I looked around my church: none. My community: none. So when I got into an Uber downtown Seattle on a work trip and noticed my driver was black, I asked if he’d be willing to share his perspective with me. It was brief but meaningful.
Eventually a more thorough, and to be honest more difficult, conversation happened with my new beautiful black friend, Lindsey, over dinner. I’m deeply grateful for her patience as she walked me through every hot-topic of racial tension (oh yes, hello white privilege). Because of this conversation over 6 months ago, I am slower to form opinions reading the news, more aware of my words and unconscious biases, and I’m less defensive.
Lindsey is not other.
Missy: Hard conversations continue, just yesterday in fact. I met a new friend Missy downtown Portland for lunch where much of our conversation was about abortion. She is pro-choice. I am pro-life. What does courage and empathy look like for us? We sat and listened to one another, even when it was hard. We asked questions out of sincere concern and curiosity.
When she chose empathy, she saw that I’m not a crazy conservative devaluing the heavy emotions and decisions of a woman with an unplanned pregnancy. I’m trying to protect a child’s right to live, as if it was outside the womb. When I chose empathy, I saw that Missy was not a crazy child-killer but a woman who deeply empathizes with the anguish of others – including women who are often denied critical medical care at pro-life institutions. In the end, she still protests and I still mourn lost babies but we will not villainize each other.
Missy is not other.
Patrick: All these conversations wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met Patrick in October of 2016. I was referred to Patrick after I had an uncomfortable experience with a client (I didn’t know what pronoun to use because I couldn’t identify their gender). Patrick was highly educated on the topics of sexuality and gender so we met for a quick meeting in a quaint coffee shop (it’s Portland, after all). Thirty minutes into our conversation, Patrick told me he was gender queer. I didn’t know what that meant so awkwardly, yet sincerely, I asked him. He was specific. He was patient. He was honest. Then he sought to understand me.
While the conversation was insightful, it was something Patrick said right before we left that struck me.
We have solidarity.
He explained, my challenge to be an authentic Bible-believing Christ-follower in liberal Portland was similar to his challenge to be authentically gender queer in a world that didn’t hold space for him. We’ve both felt misunderstood. We’ve both felt judged. But more importantly, we both share humanity and the deep desire to be loved and heard.
Solidarity.
We are more similar than we are different.
Patrick is not other.
This has been my anthem as I wade into new uncomfortable conversations. When I’m tempted to feel flustered or get defensive, I’m reminded that deep down, we want the same things. We want to be loved. We want to be safe. We want to be understood. We want to belong.
I confess, I still prefer things cut and dry. There are still non-negotiable black-and-white areas in my life, like my belief in God. Honoring Him is still my life-pursuit. But on specific issues, I was afraid that loving well meant compromising my beliefs. Or vice-versa, that being devoted to beliefs meant that I couldn’t generously love people who believed and lived differently. But I was wrong.
I have found that there are very few things that are black-and-white.
Most of life exists in the messy undefined middle, where there are diverse experiences, different perspectives, and deep emotions. This journey of becoming grey has been incredibly insightful and liberating for me. I’m not mad every time I open Facebook (it’s a modern-day miracle!).
It’s not comfortable. It’s not safe. It’s not predictable. It requires courage to engage when it would be so much easier to stay within our familiar walls with agreeable people. But we can do hard things.
Instead of judging others, we can choose solidarity.
We can lean into the grey together.
Essay by: Amy Wolff
Connect with Amy on her blog and at her passion project - Don't Give Up Signs Movement.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Como Mamas
Originally published on 10-23-13
Sometime in mid-March, I was working at ACL and SXSW acts were rolling through the venue. The ticket for this particular night read, Soul Review. I thought, “Cool. I like soul music.” And I had a glimmer of hope that Justin Timberlake would swing by.
At 8pm when the house lights went down the venue only had about 100 people in it. It was a meager start to the night as the venue fits about 2700 music lovers. As I surveyed the crowd I thought, “Maybe Prince is playing down the street or something.”
I scanned the acts on the ticket and since I hadn’t heard of any of them, I didn’t pay much attention. As ACL spans four floors I spent a lot of my time running around chatting and checking with staff on each floor. As I was running around my boss, Tom asked “Have you been inside the venue yet? You’re going to love the act on stage.” As soon as I found a good breaking point I made my way inside the venue and was immediately blown away.
The room was dark and cold and filled with the unforgettable voices of The Como Mamas. As I surveyed the stage I thought, “Only three ladies, no instruments?” I had heard similar sounds from movie soundtracks before, but never in person. The group is made up of three lifelong Gospel singers from the small town of Como, Mississippi, and they were magnificent. Their voices cut straight through the fluff and went directly to my bones. Their voices were gripping. I was mesmerized. I inched my way toward the front of the stage and got lost in their voices. I took photos and videos but nothing compared to the real thing.
When their set was over and the crowd of what was now 200 people had finished applauding, I decided to make good use of my all access pass and go backstage to tell them how awesome they were.
I walked straight up to my favorite of the three singers, Ms. Ester Mae, and I introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Catia and I work here. I just wanted to tell you how powerful and impactful your performance was. Listening to your voices is very moving. Good luck with…” I thought it was be a quick congratulations and I’d be on my way. But before I turned away she grabbed my hands in hers.
We were outside her dressing room and folks were hurriedly working getting ready for the next band, but somehow all that faded away and I felt connected. I didn’t yet know what she was going to say, but I knew that I was going to pay attention.
My small soft hands sat in her encompassing rough hands. Her hands felt like they had been productive for decades. She was tall and was of bigger build and dressed in her Sunday best. Her long corn rows were pulled back in a ponytail and she was smiling so big I could see her gold capped teeth. No one would have questioned her being backstage but she was wearing her artist badge proudly.
Once my hands were in hers and our eyes locked she said, “Thank you so much for that. You know, I’m 62. They came into my church and discovered me 4 years ago. All my life I’ve been singing in the church, for the church and just now, my dreams are coming true. Tomorrow, they are taking me on a plane to New Orleans!” She was beaming. Ms. Ester continued, “I’ve been praying my whole life to God. You just keep working hard for what you want. Don’t lose faith in yourself or in God. When you’re ready, your dreams will find their way to you. Don’t be afraid of hard work.”
I was blown away by her words of wisdom. I knew that this was not an ordinary occurrence.
Ms. Ester definitely looked like she could cook a southern meal and give a great hug. And since we weren’t near a kitchen, I asked if I could give her a hug and she agreed. It was such a mama bear hug. I could feel her love even though she didn’t know me from Adam.
Did she know Guapo and I were about to hit a rocky patch? Did she know I was going to jump into writing full time? Did she know that I was training for a marathon? Did she know I was working two jobs and was really tired? There were so many balls in the air; I had no clue how life was going to be come May. How did she know I would need to hear her words? She didn’t, but God did.
God sent her to me to say, “Keep your head down, work hard and don’t lose faith.” The words, “I’m 62 and I’m just walking into my dream,” pop into my thoughts when I get impatient.
There are signs all around and they come to us in different packages. The universe is constantly talking to us, guiding us along. However, the signs from the universe won’t always be obvious, most times, they’ll be subtle. We have to be open and aware enough to receive them. We have to have open hearts, open minds and be quiet enough within ourselves to notice the messages.
If we are constantly numbing ourselves out with food, alcohol or even activity we will have a hard time reading the signs along the way, if we see them at all. James Earl Jones is not going to show up at our doors telling us what our next move should be, neither is the Wizard of Oz.
Some days a door will open and a door will close and that’s as much change that will happen. Some days there may be a road block along the way redirecting us, and some days the universe may send us Ms. Ester. Most times the signs are so small that we may not even give them any significance, but they are there. Pay attention.
Justin Timberlake was a no show that night, but I got something much better, a hug from Ms. Ester and a message from God.
Ms. Ester, may you continue to touch people’s souls the way you touched mine.
What it Feels like to Worship
Originally published on 9-15-13
Sunday Morning
It’s 9:58 AM and I’m just getting to church for the 10am service. I’m dressed in a pink tweed dress and some nude patent leather heels. I was too lazy to blow dry my hair, so it’s up in pony tail. I reason with myself that God’s just glad I’m here.
I park in the middle school parking lot across from the low income housing units and walk swiftly up the cracked side walk. As I pass fellow 10 a.m. church goers. I think, “Hello, I hope you’re as excited as I am.” But instead of speaking, I just smile. I have my big brown vegan approved tote in hand, and since I have been coming to Greater Mt. Zion a year and half I know what to pack. Every Sunday I bring a pen, notebook paper, a check book and lots of tissue. Once in a while I bring in my phone so that I can record snippets of the choir, so I can listen to them at my leisure. As I get closer to the building I hear the welcome music coming through the outdoor speakers, which I quite enjoy. It’s like the amuse-bouche, compliments of the chef.
I am politely greeted by a woman in her mid-40s, “Hello and welcome to Greater Mt. Zion. Enjoy the service.” I think, “You bet I will!” I am handed a one page weekly bulletin and my eyes scan it. My heart says, “You need to be more involved.” My mind says, “You travel too much.” I convince myself that my level of involvement is enough and I am ushered in the sanctuary.
I take my seat, tuck my over-sized tote under the pew and before I can even look around to analyze the new outfits in the room, I am engulfed in voices, a buzzing of love. I sit in the first few rows and so I am not farther than 10 feet from a full experience. The 20 person choir is singing their first song. Before I can catch their melody, I can feel that each of their hearts is wide open and full to the brim of praise and thanks. Their cup runneth over so does mine.
The spirit of the Lord is here
The spirit of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere
The spirit of the Lord is here, oh
The spirit of the Lord is here, oh
The power of the Lord is here
The power of the Lord is here
I feel it in the atmosphere,
The power of the Lord is here, oh
The power of the Lord is here, oh
Everybody blow the trumpet
And sound the alarm
because the Lord is in the temple
Let everybody bow
Let all the people praise Him now
The Lord is here
I close my eyes and the joyous voices raise me into a cloud of what can only be described as love. I think, “This must be what heaven feels like.” Their ability to praise Jesus with such pride and fervor seeps into me and soon my heart is open and full. So full in fact that now it has to find a release. Finally, my eyes well up and steady streams of tears start to roll down my eyes. Any negative feeling that was floating around in me is shoved out by love and gratitude. I can only reason that this strategy will work in everyday life. The more I praise and give thanks, the less space there is for anger, jealousy or even self-pity.
The voices of that fill the old Baptist church are untrained and yet, they sound spectacular. The parishioners’ voices are loud and there is palpable electricity in the room. If a bystander walked by the church and saw it elevating, I wouldn’t be surprised. The 27 year old male soloist convincingly sings, “We’re going higher…higher! The presence of the Lord is here, the presence of the Lord is here, I feel him in the atmosphere, the presence of the lord….IS HERE,” and everyone is so jazzed and my hands are red and stinging from clapping with so much excitement. The color coordinated choir is swaying from side to side and movin’ and groovin’. They look sharp! “I really want to be part of the choir, singing is not my strong point, but maybe I’ll try one day.”
As we near the end of the song the instruments drop off into the background, as to let the believer’s voices be heard more clearly. I feel so much emotion that the lump in my throat is growing with every note. Now we’ve been praising and dancing for 6 minutes and Greater Mt. Zion is filled wall to wall and floor to ceiling with powerful souls who are praising God. It is magical! I am so overwhelmed that I cover my face and cry into my hands. I think, “I am lucky to have found this church home. I am so lucky to have found God.” God is here, I know. I know for sure, God is here.
The church pews and extra patio chairs and balconies are filled with parishioners of all ages. The 200 person congregation is filled with followers who have more than me, less than me, who are different than me and the same as me saying, “Thank you, Jesus. I praise you. Thank you.” We are all just proud and grateful to participate.
The first song is now over.
An hour and a half later, church wraps and I walk out feeling energized and rejuvenated. I feel loved and I know I have contributed to my foundation. I know that the last hour and half was spent not in prayer for things to come, but in prayer of gratitude. On Sundays, I don’t ask God for anything, I just give thanks for all he’s already done. After Sunday service, I know I am a better advocate for humanity. I feel whole.
Heaven must feel like this, I know. I know, Heaven must feel like this.
I wish so much to put each of you in my pocket and bring you with me to church. I think you would love it! I wish I could give you the gift of God’s love and peace, but I know better, only you can do that for yourselves. I love loud joyous celebrations, so Greater Mt. Zion works for me. I encourage you to find what works for you.
Greater Mt. Zion
Originally published 7-15-12
So here’s the thing, I’ve never been a church going person, but have always been a praying person.
I’ve always hesitated to use God in everyday language in public but never hesitated to talk about God privately.
I don’t have an all-encompassing belief system, even though I was raised Catholic and can wear a rosary like nobody’s business, I won’t declare to you that I am a certain religion and embarrassingly I recently learned the difference between the old and the new testament, but I will declare that I believe in a higher power that both love and guides deliberately.
It has taken me 29 years to really seek out a church and faithful community, a community that I can lean on from each Sunday afternoon to the next.
A few months ago, as I was contemplating my love life – the only issue I allow to keep nagging at me, the other day I bought cocktail napkins that say, “My life is perfect I’m looking for a problem to drink about.” - I just felt like I didn’t have any more answers. There were no more people I could ask for advice; I had become a frequent flyer in the self-help section of Barnes and Noble and Oprah was just not coming through like she used to. I had exhausted my life lines. Then life surprised me as it does from time to time and my girlfriend casually mentioned she had found this great Baptist church on the East side of Austin and she described it as different and exhilarating and chock full of good music. I agreed to go more as a cultural experience or Sunday activity; little did I know how much of an impact it would have on me.
The next Sunday, I woke up and put on my Sunday best, a dress my mother and grandmothers would approve of, and I headed to church.
As I walked into the Greater Mt. Zion Baptist Church in East Austin, I looked around and realized, there were no: crosses, no altar, no place to kneel, no hymnals in the pews, no white people. Huh? No white people? Correct. It’s a Baptist church in east Austin and it’s glorious. Ladies wore adorned hats, there was choir that was joyful, there were dance performances, there was a band, a preacher, and more hugs than anyone could ever need.
The service was uplifting and energizing. We sang, clapped, danced and hallelujah-ed our way through a two hour service. (All this was foreign to me as Catholic’s rock it out in 45 or less and the most movement during mass is when you turn to your neighbors to shake their hands and wish them peace.) It was lovely and fun and beyond fulfilling. I cried and laughed and held hands with strangers. At times during the service I marveled in the universe’s timing. I knew I was thirsty for something more, but I didn’t know just how thirsty and I certainly didn’t know for what. When I walked out of church I felt like I had been showered in “feel good.” I felt like my life’s direction was a little clearer.
I realize this introduction to religion seems fine and dandy and I don’t know if I’ll ever be religious per se, but I think if people can gather to pray for a better world and better lives and they can lift each other up in the process, then that’s a beautiful thing.
I’ve attended regularly in the past few months and I’ve realized I was hurting and that I’ve slowly been healing. My church is a hospital for hurting people.
I hope in whatever church or group you’re a part of that you both give and receive empathy, hope and love and purpose.