Courage to Become | Lindsay Gath
The day that I got my first big call from my transplant coordinator, I remember where I was standing. As soon as she started to speak, I felt sick and started sweating, my heart was racing, and I was pacing the room as I went quickly through the questions they would ask on every call to make sure I was the right patient. As soon as she said there was a match, I sat down and felt a huge sense of relief and excitement flow over me.
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Lindsay is one of them.
Enjoy her story of becoming. I have never met Linsday in person, but I feel like she’s my friend! Her sister, Courtney, and I used to write together for Austin Moms Blog, and as I got to know Courtney better, I had the pleasure of crossing digital paths with Linsday. Her story brought me chills and tears. Women have phenomenal capacity. - Please welcome, Lindsay
Lindsay Gath
When Catia reached out about sharing my story in her Courage to Become series, I was honored that she thought of me. I wanted to share the most significant part of my life: I’ve received the gift of life through a living donor kidney transplant, but I also wanted to share my back story and what led to where I’m now.
When I was 11 years old (in 1992), I became extremely sick. For months I had been waking up with swollen ankles and puffy eyes, but I had felt normal up until then. After a doctor’s visit, we were sent on to different specialists to figure out what was wrong, because some of my blood work looked alarming. I eventually had a kidney biopsy that diagnosed me as having something called Membranoproliferative Glomerulonephritis (MPGN Type 1). I thought I was cool for knowing how to spell encyclopedia in the 3rd grade, but this took me to another level. We found out it was caused by Strep throat at some point, which I used to get frequently as a kid. I was treated and seen routinely to keep things under control, but I went throughout my childhood trying to ignore my chronic kidney disease and pretend I was no different from the other kids. It was just not something I wanted to focus on, but it could not be ignored a few times throughout my life. When I met my husband, he was aware of the “situation.” When we decided to try and have kids, I had to be monitored extremely closely. I delivered a few days after my due date with my son, but the second time around was slightly different. My kidneys were not fairing as well, and they ended up putting me on modified bed rest for a few days and then admitted me to the hospital for a few rounds of steroid injections to help improve the baby’s lung growth before delivery. Our daughter was delivered seven weeks early in December of 2007. Even though leaving her in the hospital as we headed home was one of the hardest things we’ve done, she was a tough little cookie and only spent 9 days in the NICU, which was much shorter than they anticipated. Over time my kidneys calmed down a bit, and life returned to “normal” with my regular nephrology check-ups and medications.
Fast forward to late 2016, when at one of my regular nephrology check-ups, I was told that my kidney function was around 25%, and I would need to start thinking and talking with family and friends about my future and the possibility of needing a transplant. I honestly was in a bit of shock, mainly because I would normally just attend my regular check-ups and keep moving along, not paying much attention to my kidney function as they always made it seem like I was stable. I have since learned to read my labs on my own like a hawk. When they told me it was time to start thinking of my options such as dialysis and transplant, I felt scared and sad about it, knowing that the possibility of this huge life change was closer than I ever expected. I couldn’t ignore it and pretend as if there was nothing wrong anymore either.
When I put my mind to something, a lot of times without even thinking it all the way through, I just jump in headfirst. It’s a blessing and a curse. This was one of those times, though, that I jumped. I had so much to live for, and I wanted to fight with everything I had in me. I made connections with anyone I could to get the right info I needed to push forward. I ended up finding out that you’re not always referred to a transplant center by your own doctor. You’re often referred straight to dialysis, and you call the transplant center yourself before they work with your doctor to start the process towards transplant, so I did just that. I called up a transplant center myself and started there. I was so nervous when I called them, and it felt bizarre to call up and say, “Hey. I need to get evaluated for a transplant. Can we set that up?” Once the ball was rolling, I was eventually evaluated in early 2017 at the University Transplant Center in San Antonio, TX.
I don’t know why exactly, but it felt like a natural step to let family and friends know through Facebook Live what was going on. Most of the people I had met in adulthood didn’t even know I had a chronic kidney disease because I never really made it a topic. It ended up being more than I expected as friends and family shared my videos, and my transplant center was overwhelmed with people that applied to see if they could be a living donor candidate for me. People that I didn’t even know personally. This still makes me so emotional to think about. I was blown away! I heard from friends that I had not seen or talked to in over 20 years, and friends of friends who lived out of state and had never met me that had applied to try and donate a kidney to me. And honestly, I still don’t even know everyone that did apply because, of course the transplant center couldn’t tell me who they all were. I hated not knowing so that I could properly thank every one of them for trying.
Donor testing started once I was approved for transplant and was made active on the UNOS (United Network of Organ Sharing) list, which would allow me to receive a kidney from a deceased donor. However, with my blood type (O+), I could be looking at anywhere from 5-8 years, because even though I would be a universal donor to all other blood types, I would only be able to receive from another O blood type. Knowing this made me push everywhere and anywhere I could to get closer to transplant with a living donor match. I wanted a preemptive transplant, which meant avoiding dialysis entirely if possible and getting to transplant before that was needed. There’s only a small window of when you can even be evaluated by a transplant facility vs. when you need dialysis to stay alive, and I was heading through that window quickly. Dialysis was a terrifying thought for me. Imagining having to spend so much time away from my family, and the other health complications that can come with it made me frustrated and feel a stronger sense of urgency. Every step forward in the transplant process was a huge accomplishment, but I also felt like I was in a race against time, because as your kidney function declines, it can decline faster and faster towards the end. By the time I was active on the UNOS list, my kidney function had decreased and was now under 20% in total. They usually start testing those that are closest to you and work their way outward with the thinking that those closest to you would be more committed to going through the whole process.
When I got my first big call from my transplant coordinator, I remember where I was standing. As soon as she started to speak, I felt sick and started sweating, my heart was racing, and I was pacing the room as I went quickly through the questions they would ask on every call to make sure I was the right patient. As soon as she said there was a match, I sat down and felt a huge sense of relief and excitement flow over me. The match was my sister. As soon as I got off the phone, I text my husband and said, “I need you to call me.” I knew he would be in meetings, but we also had an understanding that if anything new or serious happened -- well, he knew when it was an urgent matter as we felt we were always on call. I would answer every single ring of my phone just in case. My sister would be sent on through further testing to make sure she would be healthy enough to donate because that is the most important thing to make certain at that point.
Weeks later, our roller coaster took another turn as my husband was leaving work to head home. When he got in his car, my mom was calling him. My sister had found out earlier that day that they had found some kidney stones (of all things) during her donor testing, and even though she hadn’t been affected by them, she was no longer able to donate. There would be a concern that I would then have complications from kidney stones, or that my sister would be left with one kidney and have complications. My mom and sister were struggling with letting me know, so my husband came home to give me the news that we were back to square one. At that moment, I was sad and exhausted, but I also knew that it would all be okay eventually. I was sad that I wasn’t going to share that moment with my sister because she’s the person I’m closest to other than my husband. With this news also came that my brother-in-law (my sister’s husband) had gotten a call right after my sister had hung up with the transplant coordinators about her quandary and was told that he was a match. It didn’t make sense, though, because he wasn’t even the same blood type as me. It ended up being a massive miscommunication on the transplant teams’ part, so the range of emotions that day was honestly enough to drain me for a while. There were a few mishaps, but I do see how it happens. Every person involved is in it for the end goal, for extending life and health, and they care about you deeply.
I knew that my sister’s best friend was also one of the ones that they had tested more recently around this time. I had grown up knowing her, admiring her, and she’s just plain fun to be around. She’s one of the most passionate and well-meaning people I’ve ever met, and she cares about people deeply. At one point during testing, she had called and asked me more about how the paired exchange program worked and how that would help me if she were not a match for me. A paired donation is where one recipient from one pair is compatible with the donor from another pair, and vice versa. The transplant center may arrange for a “swap,” but it can also lead to donation chains where multiple donors and recipients are involved. This is also the Shea Jones that Catia featured in her Courage to Become series in June of this year. The day I got my second call was a weekend in September of 2017. My husband and son were out running some errands with me, and as we were driving, my phone rang, and it was my sister’s best friend, Shea.
I could tell in her voice that something serious was happening. She told me she was my match, and as my heart raced and I took it all in, the tears started to flow. Shea asked me, “You’re crying because this is good, right?” She wondered if October 26th would work, which was literally about a month later. Anytime would have worked for me honestly. I couldn’t believe it. It’s not as easy finding a match as the movies make it look, so the fact that my sister brought this person into our life could not have been more perfect. Shea and I called my sister on a 3-way call and told her right away, together. We were now in this as one unit, and it just felt right.
About two weeks before I had gotten that call from Shea, I had the most real dream I had ever woken up from wherein I had found out that Shea was my match. I had told my husband and kids about it and had even text my family about it. On the morning of October 26th, 2017, that dream came true. From the day I initially contacted the transplant center until the day of surgery, almost exactly a year had gone by. The night before transplant, Shea and I, along with our families, stayed close to the hospital as we had to be up extremely early. We met down in the hotel lobby before the sun was up along with our husbands and my sister before heading to the hospital, where our families joined us later. In pre-op, they had us separated until I asked if we could be together, and Shea said yes. I just needed her close by. It didn’t feel right any other way. Was I afraid of what was about to happen? Yes. But, I also had no other choice at that point. My kidney function was down to a total of 12% on the morning of transplant. They prepped us both, and I was doing good until they rolled Shea away and started her operation before taking me back. I was overcome with emotion and worried about Shea, and the reality of it all hit me. One of the nurses came over and hugged me tightly. When they rolled me back before I was put to sleep, I asked my doctor if Shea was doing okay, and he said she was. He told me she was right next door, and that if I looked up at the monitor above me, I could see her on the operating table. It was the last thing I remembered before they got me to sleep. During our concurrent surgeries, our husbands were updated by text as to how everything was going. When they hooked up Shea’s kidney inside me, he was told that the kidney started working immediately, which was fantastic news.
I woke up quickly after surgery and felt different already. It was amazing. Because I had been “sick” for so long, I felt this instant relief to my body. The air around me felt cleaner, and I just felt good. Shea and I were in different rooms, me in ICU, but we were on the same hospital floor. We FaceTimed and talked for a bit, and my husband caught the whole thing on video, which is quite funny to look back at now. We were both pretty doped up still, and our families were in our rooms, which felt like one big party. At one point, Shea’s nurse had come into the room, and I met her through FaceTime, and Shea asked how soon we could see each other. The nurse told us probably the next day, but if you know both Shea and me, that was not the answer we were willing to accept. Shea convinced one of her nurses late that night if she could be wheeled to my room, and we got to see each other that day.
The next day I was moved out of my ICU room, closer to her, and we were able to walk the halls together soon after. My lab numbers, especially kidney function, improved hourly it seemed, and we were thankful to head home just a few days later. To say the journey of transplant has been easy though, is not the full truth. It is rewarding and happy most of the time, but there have also been challenges. I went through acute rejection three short weeks after transplant, where I had to be admitted for some heavy-duty IV meds that thankfully stopped it from harming my new little kidney. I have had three kidney biopsies on the new kidney, too much lab work to count, medication changes and adjustments. I am on antirejection medications that suppress my immune system for the rest of my life. The energy that I now have and the deeper appreciation I have for, the smaller things in life are worth it! And I love carrying a piece of Shea with me forever. Seeing my scar reminds me daily of our connection.
One of the challenges I bring upon myself is that I often feel like I’m not doing enough to fully live with this extension on life that I’ve been given. I feel the need to push myself farther intentionally. I’m currently taking college classes full time right now, working on getting my bachelor's in Health Sciences from West Texas A&M and ultimately certification as a Child Life Specialist. This will allow me to walk alongside kids and their families in the medical journey they are on and advocate for them when they are in a tough space. I know exactly what it’s like to be there as a kid. In the meantime, I’ve had many connections open to me because of my experiences, which I love. I was able to help organize the National Kidney Foundation Walk in Austin in 2017. I have been able to use my voice in the kidney community because of another connection that I made after being asked to join as a Field Ambassador for the state of Texas through the oldest and largest, independent kidney patient organization in the U.S. – AAKP (American Association of Kidney Patients). I hope to become even more involved with them over time as they are an excellent resource for any patient (or family member) who has chronic kidney disease, is on dialysis, or is a transplant recipient. Meeting so many people in the kidney community and hearing all of their different stories has shown me that we all have perseverance when we need it. You may think it’s not there, but you can find it when you’re dealt with hard things. My hope in sharing the journey I’m living is that it reaches someone who needs it most. Organ donation is a very powerful thing, and I will be forever grateful for this life I’ve been given because of it.
If anyone would like to sign up to make that gift of life happen for another when they’re gone, they can go to www.registerme.org but also let their families know their wishes.
No need to take those organs with you if they can help someone in need.
Great resources for kidney patients: www.aakp.org
You can connect with Lindsay on her Instagram or Facebook Page.
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Grit is a Gift
You know those people who don’t have to study to get an A? Or the people who are magically good at any sport they try? Or the people who just seem to walk around with life unfolding so easily before them?
That’s not me.
You know that old football movie, Rudy? Where the main character is in love with Notre Dame football and will give anything to be part of the team?
Rudy is from Illinois and lacks ALL that is needed to make the team. He has no money, terrible grades, and is 5’6. His prospects are bleak.
BUT - Rudy wants to play for Notre Dame so badly. So he wills his way from a junior college to Notre Dame. THEN, he wills his way onto the practice football team where his body is used for hitting practice. And eventually after YEARS of trying his absolute hardest, he wills his way onto the OFFICIAL football team. And in the last game of his senior year, Rudy made ONE official play for Notre Dame Football before his teammates whisked him off the field in celebration.
THIS… this is more like me. I’m the person whose skills don’t quite measure up - but tries anyway.
Growing up, I was ashamed that I had to try so hard at everything - ballet, studying, band. I was always amazed that other people didn’t have to put in the work and yet -- we magically we arrived at the same place.
But over the years, the shame started to slough away and I started to become proud of trying. Proud that I had the onions to go after things that interested me.
To see something on the horizon and walk toward it – even though nothing says that the road to the horizon will be easy – is grit. And grit is a gift.
My parents gave me this gift.
My mom, Noelia Barrera Hernandez, migrated from Mexico to the US with her family when she was about 6 years old.
As a child her entire family would pile into the bed of truck, with only a tarp to protect them from the elements, and drive from the southernmost tip of Texas to Wisconsin -- to go pick beets and cucumbers. They lived in a one bedroom house with dirt floors. And while her parents worked in the fields, as a 6 year old, she’d care for her infant brother.
As a teenager she would go to school and after school would clock in at the local grocery store, working until 11pm most nights.
My dad, Renato David Hernandez, started working with his dad, Hortemio Hernandez, at age 11. During the summer, he would work at a farm co-op from 7 in the morning until 8 every night. He would weigh trucks carrying tomatoes, tally up tickets for farmers and their crews, and even call out-of-state truckers and place orders. He did this every summer until he turned 25. All the while, going to school, and helping his mother, my grandmother, open a flower shop.
On June 12th, 1983, at the ages of 24 and 25, my parents were married. And since it was the middle of tomato season, they didn’t go on a honeymoon. They were married on a Saturday and both returned to work the following Monday.
A few months later, with the support of their families, my mom and dad started their own business, beer corner stores. They called them, Pop-A-Top. Eventually these corners stores morphed into Holiday Wine and Liquor. And today, my folks have been in business 36 years, own 9 stores and have been able to employ and create opportunity for thousands of families.
As newlyweds, when my parents needed a weekend to themselves, they would make the 5 hour road trip from the Rio Grande Valley to Austin, Texas. They would pack up their small red truck with koozies and stop at convenience stores along the way – selling their wares. This was their weekend spending money.
My heart has always beamed with pride with who I come from and where I come from.
And while to some people, failure is not an option. For me, grit is the only option.
My parents, entirely by their actions, taught me how to dig in and put one foot in front of the other.
Somehow I have put one foot in front of the other and willed myself into a speaking and writing career, loving on women and reminding them of their innate worth.
I went from a career in hospitality-- to writing a blog -- to trying to write a book – to actually publishing a book -- to getting all sorts of amazing praise for the book – and even to speaking on the TEDx stage.
I have willed myself into a life I love that loves me back. Enjoying and cherishing my husband, girls, and our adventures - every single day.
And none of this would have been possible without grit.
The other day I was in Colombia with my family and I sent my mom and dad this photo.
I thanked them for giving me such a beautiful life.
I’m a 35, married and a mama, and I absolutely know whose shoulders I stand on.
Could my parents ever have imagined their impact? Their lives have reached far and wide — through all the people they’ve touched, through all the people who have watched them walk through the world, through my readers and their children, and beyond.
Mom and Dad, I have endless gratitude for the people you are in the world and for the parents you have been to us. You are adored, cherished and valued. The world is a better place because of you.
Friend, there’s honor in seeing something on the horizon and doing your best to get there. If your heart is calling you to make a move, to go forward, to explore, to stay, to make a change, to fulfill a dream - listen. Will the road be easy? Nope. Do you have what it takes to walk the path? Yes.
Dig those heels in and give it your all. Begin.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Ashely Solberg
Dearest beauties, my name is Ashley Solberg, and I’m the founder of She Is Blank Space. Myself and fifteen other ladies joined together to start a blog where we share about life, fashion, beauty and the things we love as moms. We believe there is strength in our stories as I learned strength in mine the hard way. Silently hiding behind my pain, I got nowhere, but once I spoke of what I had come through, I realized how much we need courage in ourselves to encourage others.
One day, I woke up.
No, not by the beeping of my alarm clock or my kids poking me in the side before sunrise, but I WOKE up.
My innermost being was so lost, confused, and just flat out blah.
Everyday…crickets.
I absolutely could not answer the question of who I was anymore. Sad, right? Yeah, I thought so too. This started a long downward before an upward one. It was a lot of questioning and addressing things I was holding onto before I could start moving forward. I dug in deep, cried a lot of tears from past hurts, anger, and whatever else I needed to face. This was hard for me, a person that seemingly had it all together, to admit defeat and that I was failing at “life.”
In general, nothing about life was bad. I had a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a great paying salary job and by God’s grace, we’ve always had everything we needed. Something was missing though. That spark--I lacked passion and zeal. I allowed my light to be dimmed.
My bright light, little by little, diminished. The fight of infertility testing, waiting, hoping, with nothingness—dimmed. After finally achieving a long-awaited pregnancy, we found out we were having twins—my light started to come back. Five months into the pregnancy, one of our perfect, sweet girls had a portion of her amniotic sac break away and entangle her foot and cord. The day before fetal surgery, it caused her to go on from this life far too soon. I could not grieve, I had to carry her, I had to be strong for our baby still with us. I carried joy and sorrow for so long I didn’t know how to feel just one—light extinguished.
We named our daughter that was with us, Ella Joy, which means a bright light of joy. Every day I clung to her so tightly amidst my tears of thankfulness and sadness. For hours, I would just watch her breathe. Becoming a mother was everything I could have hoped for, I truly loved her with every fiber and then some. Every milestone first I was truly happy at watching her grow, but I also felt like someone was missing.
At my worst point, I guarded myself by avoiding going anywhere completely and when I did, fleeing as soon as I could to avoid a breakdown when someone asked the “are you ok?” question. I guess I knew if I allowed myself to truly process, it would hurt too bad, so I just kept going, delaying my grief even longer. The saddest part of all of it, is I knew better. I realized that battle would always be and I had a decision to make of how much I wanted to fight it.
When my daughter was 18 months old, I felt like I was ready to walk through the infertility treatments again towards another little one. Things happened much faster this time as we knew what treatment course worked. We were pregnant, and not just pregnant, but doubly pregnant. Yes, you heard that right…twins, twice. We were over the moon, but also fearful. This whole mix of emotions seemed to be a thing for us and I grew tired of it. A few months pregnant, I decided enough was enough and I was just going to be happy where we were at minus the fear part. I enjoyed every bit of the pregnancy and my little toddler sidekick by my side. The twins were born at 33 weeks, but being a NICU nurse at the time (funny how life’s seasons prepare you for what you need), I was comforted by my co-workers as I stayed by their side and stuffed them full of milk for nine days prior to going home.
Then, well…life. Along with experiencing the loss of our Emmy before, becoming an exhausted new mom again (I seriously don’t remember the babies first six months with that kind of tired), but mostly going through the motions and convincing myself I was ok where I was just trying to stay afloat.
Things were different last year when all this She Is Blank Space business started, and although I remembered those feelings, I needed to discover what God wanted for me right now instead of clinging to my past and those coulda-woulda-shoulda thoughts. I had a new perspective and needed to filter through what that all meant.
After the air finally cleared for me, it seemed like everyone I knew was fighting against things in their health, marriages, kids-- anything and everything.
And then it happened, this pivotal moment that caused everything to collide. I remembered. I remembered what it felt like to be a part of something bigger than me, I remembered the things I dreamed about as a teen that I wondered how they would happen, I remembered what it should mean to be a great friend.
Out of the normal for this fairly quiet individual, I posted a random video of encouragement for others as I was also speaking to myself. Out of my own path I was still walking, this door opened my heart for others again. Even as I pleaded for someone else to be picked, because surely, I was in no position to do this, I could not escape my butterflies. It became evident I just needed to jump into something REALLY out of my comfort zone. As someone with a supportive family and amazing circle, I knew that we were very blessed and not everyone had this. What better place to offer this to others than on a website that could reach far beyond what I could physically.
So, what to call this new venture? I was drawing a blank (see where I’m going?). How do I categorize this when I want it to reach all women in different phases of life? It was impossible to put a label on it, and one morning while changing one of the twins’ diaper, it came to me…”She Is Blank Space.” No, not the void kind of blank space, but the blank space gets filled in with something. She is…confident, a college gal, rocking at mommy’ing, learning to be whole...you get the idea. This name allows us to talk about things in the present, but also towards the future and what we are striving after as we walk the oh so many shoes we fill as women.
I knew I couldn’t do this alone as we all have a story to tell and I asked around fifteen other women to join alongside me. Some of us are married, mothers, others in college still finding out what we want in life, some love to exercise, some love fashion and so on. Can I just point out how amazing they all are? We are always better together as women supporting each other.
While you could give me all the fun parts of what we share like food and DIY all day, my hope for She Is Blank Space is for each woman to find community and encouragement from other women who have been there or are there. Although I wanted this to happen right away, we had to build our foundation and I also had to transition out of my full time job to devote the time needed. I knew it would happen, but in the meantime, remained faithful to my job as a nurse, staying up super late to prep things for the next day for posts and social media so I could use my break time to get them published. We started to bring in a steady stream of income between working with other companies and our shop, but it wasn’t quite lining up to my salary. Keep in mind, I was completely clueless about web and graphic design, traffic flow, utilizing social media for things other than posting pictures of my kids!
Around the nine month mark since our launch, it became clear we weren’t going to grow any farther until I had more time to give. With three kids five and under, being a wife, full time nurse and being involved in ministry, the only thing that could change was my job. So, I handed in my two weeks notice, which they were not happy about losing me, but understood. That leap was hard y’all; I knew the hubby and I could survive on Ramen noodles if we had to, but our kids could not. However, I had such peace knowing that this dream would not have given me without a way being made.
And boy did that happen. Money came in from a random account I had with my old job equivalent to a month's pay, one of my husband’s pay checks that never got deposited was discovered, our mortgage went down and so on. I remained baffled by this whole process, but it’s amazing to see seeds that have been planted over the course of my life blooming into something I never would have imagined for myself.
So here we are, right in the middle of this amazing venture, and it’s time. It’s time to dig in a little deeper, truly bringing realness, vulnerability, love. In a world full of perfect social media pictures, we are going to those places that are hard, but necessary for growth. As a person with a love of gardening, it’s easiest to explain it this way: before new blooms can be achieved on a tree or plant, you must trim back the branches. It seems like it doesn’t make any sense to “hurt” the plant, but it triggers it to say, “hey, I’ve got work to do, I’m stagnant, I’ve stopped growing, I’ve wilted, I need to wake up, I need to grow again.”
So how about we bloom together as we find our courage to become, ok? Life is far too short to be walked out without purpose or in dry, empty places. For you, your friends, your family-let’s jump into our dreams together and allow ourselves to be willing to hear and act upon the tugs of our hearts.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Carrie Maddux
Becoming A Mom
I always wanted to be a mom. I have often said that I felt my calling in life was to be a mom. I did not know how else to explain it.
In 2012, we welcomed our first baby girl. Although words couldn't describe my happiness, I was also plagued with postpartum blues, exhaustion, and adjusting to our new normal. Seriously, where are the parenting classes that teach you real life scenarios?
Once I settled into my new role as a stay at home mom, I realized it can be a bit isolating. There I was with everything I could possibly want. It was perfect on paper. Stay at home mom, loving husband, a healthy & beautiful newborn, but I felt alone on most days. So, I began to search for ways to get involved and have adult interaction.
Becoming an Austin Moms Blog Contributor
I quickly became a huge fan of Austin Moms Blog and followed their blogs from day one. I admired those women for being raw and sharing their real life mom moments. I noticed an open contributor call on Facebook one day and decided to apply for it. I always found writing to be very cathartic and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do something for myself. Fortunately, they invited me to be a contributor and I had no clue how it would impact my life. Writing gave me a purpose and I quickly gained a new “village” of women to call my friends.We welcomed our second baby girl in 2014 and I did not experience any of the postpartum blues or isolation like I did the first time. Having a purpose and a village truly makes a difference!
Becoming My Stronger Self
In early 2016, my husband went through a transition with his job and it pushed us close to rock bottom. I can say with every ounce of my being that our love for one another is unbreakable after going through that obstacle together. We both admitted that going through a tough transition and losing your main source of income can create a lot of stress on a marriage and your family unit. Money doesn’t make you happy, but it definitely makes life easier. We learned to lean on each other and our faith.
Even when times get tough, you still have to show up and be a parent. You still have to pretend like everything is okay because my two and four year old need me. Life lessons have a way of knocking you to your knees and allowing you to stand up stronger than ever before. I did not let many people know about our situation. I am the usual smile and say everything is good type person; however, I remained sane thanks to my village.
See the common theme here?
My friends will tell you that I kept begging for a sign. I needed God to plant that sign in my front yard in big bold letters. “Let Go and Let God” was my motto. In June 2016, we relocated to Oklahoma for a job opportunity. I cried many nights about losing my village and starting over again. It wasn't just my husband and myself starting over. We now had two young girls that were going through this with us, however; it was the “sign” and fresh start we prayed over. We survived a big move with two toddlers and settled into our new home.
Like I mentioned above, I always said my calling had something to do with being a mom, but I did not know why. I began searching for a local blog similar to Austin Moms Blog, but could not find anything.
I so desperately wanted to find a resource in our new city, but kept coming up short. That is when I decided to purchase and start Tulsa Moms Blog. I have been known to be impulsive at times, but this was taking a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Writing behind a computer is one thing, but owning my OWN business? It was exhilarating and nerve racking at the same time.
Starting Tulsa Moms Blog allowed me to connect moms on and offline in our community and provide a positive resource for moms in all stages of life. I was getting ready to launch the blog and we got some bad news about my husband’s new job. Yes, we relocated our entire family for this job. I’ll spare you all of the details, but Tulsa turned into one big disaster. We lost our main source of income AGAIN, we made an investment into my new venture, and barely moved into our new home. We decided we had nothing to lose at this point and my husband applied for his dream job in Waco, TX.
Waco has always been near and dear to our hearts, so it wasn’t as spontaneous as it might come across. After a month, we decided to write it off and focus our attention to more local jobs. Then, on a random Thursday afternoon he got the call. They wanted him to come in and apply for the position. We finally had a glimmer of hope and words cannot express our happiness when they hired him!
I put Tulsa Moms Blog on hold and we relocated to Waco last month.
Since moving to Waco, God has clearly planted all of the signs here. That large sign in big bold letter that I was praying for is planted here. I have never been tested this much to rely on the cliche phrase “God will always provide”, but he does indeed.
Mamas let me tell you, having your spouse or partner truly HAPPY with his career is life changing in itself.
While Tulsa Moms Blog did not ever come to fruition, be on the lookout for Waco Moms Blog.
I am proud to be a part of City Moms Blog Network and passionate about connecting local moms together.
At the end of the day, you cannot teach adaptability and my girls showed me tremendous grace this past year. They pushed me to be a stronger version of myself and accept challenges head on. I look back on my younger self who once felt like an isolated new mom and cannot help but laugh. Although that is how I felt at the time, I had no idea the wild ride I would be on years later. Everything truly happens for a reason.
Cheers to 2017!
Essay by: Carrie Maddux
You can connect with Carrie on Instagram , Facebook and at Waco Moms Blog
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Dani Adams-Barry
I was lost. I mean, "Oh no, I missed my exit three states ago" lost. I fumbled through the archives of my brain seeking the moment I had misplaced the road map in an attempt to pick back up where I left off. However, this was not to be. I found myself crammed in the middle of a traffic jam on the highway of life.
I have always had the drive to accomplish my most intimidating goals. Even as a mother, I still embody this trait. However, I had not foreseen how my goals would shift once my babies arrived. As I frantically fought my way down the highway of life with every other individual jammed in the traffic to success, I did not see that my exit was coming up.
You may wonder what on earth I was doing. As an individual who wanted to have a family, I could hardly bare the anticipation of starting one. However, I ignored the reality that once your children are born, your priorities change. I believe all parents get a taste of this when a baby arrives. It's no longer about us. Your children are your world.
I had these beautiful babies that I could not bear to leave in a daycare all day. They are my children. I wanted to experience every milestone, every laugh, cry and booger. So, I turned all my life goals upside down to be with them. I ditched medical school as it required me to be in a hospital more than I would see my children and instead, I found an adequate job that allowed me to stay at home with them.
I never missed a moment and it was glorious! However, seeing that I had given up a career I truly enjoyed for one less invigorating became a struggle. As the years went by, I would scroll the pages of my old University wondering whether I should return part time and complete what I started.
Envisioning my medical career was easy. The process and TIME needed to complete it was a different story. Had I continued my education, the time I would have for children would be next to none. This was not a position I wanted to be in. True - the money for that career path would be substantially rewarding. But no amount of money can make up for the time with my children. Those are moments I will never get back and are priceless.
So I made the decision to let it go. I let go of my aspirations to complete my medical career so that I had time to spend with my beautiful babies. This decision was bitter sweet. As I abandoned the career path I once truly longed for I continued to seek a way to be successful doing something I love. Prospects dwindled as my work experience reflected a medical background and I became despondent.
What did I want to do with my life?!
Then, one day. An Ah-ha moment slapped me across the face. What do I love more than anything? What did I want to do for the rest of my life that would fulfill my need for success? It was so simple.
I was a mom, I love being a mom -- and what better way than to truly feed my passion and enliven my life than spread mom love? Sharing knowledge based on this wild ride we call Motherhood is a passion of mine. It was then that I had the courage to become a Mompreneur.
There is such a stigma when the term entrepreneur arises in casual conversation. I won't lie. I was one of those individuals who believed this term was representative of a devious salesman or a freeloader. I had not seen that this idea of branching out and taking the leap into a world of unknown was truly for the determined, driven and tenacious.
If you are going to make it as an entrepreneur, you must have the skills, confidence and will to succeed. Without these components, it's all for not. Coming to this conclusion was intimidating. You're putting yourself out there in hopes to make it or break it.
The more research I did, the more empowered I felt that this was the right decision for me. I had the courage to become a successful Mompreneur among the community of other strong, unyielding Mom Entrepreneurs of the world. I ignored the concerned sighs, disapproving glances and dissuading opinions of those around me and went for it.
Starting my web site was a huge leap - it was terrifying, and exhilarating. Although I had no idea what I was doing, I accepted the risk and just dove in. Seizing the moment and finally having the courage to take on this adventure and become a Mompreneur. In a career path that encompasses topics that I am eager to dive into, I find myself only longing for more knowledge to further develop my business.
My motto is, "Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." With that in mind, I see every mistake and mishap as a lesson. We are parents, not perfectionists. There are days when I realize I have not brushed my teeth all day, for I have been immersed in the métier of motherhood. You know what? I'm totally OK with that.
I have high hopes for what lies ahead. I am ecstatic to have had the opportunity to meet such inspiring mothers and individuals in this line of work and look forward to acquainting others.
For those of you parenting pioneers that have a light inside you want to shine through, my advice is this. Don’t hold back. If you discover something you are truly passionate about, seize it. Do everything in your power to make your light shine. Continuously seek knowledge and insight. There is so much to learn every day.
It's crazy hard work. But, I love every bit of it and you will too.
Essay by: Dani Adams-Barry
You can connect with Dani on Facebook, Instagram or at Dani Adams Barry Photography
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Adrienne Hodge
The Courage to Overcome Barriers as an Artist
People often ask me how I make time be an artist as the mother of two small children. Most of the time this question comes from other moms or other artists, and it’s an important one for those who want to keep producing art while juggling real life, kids, and obligations that decidedly are not art.
How can we overcome the internal obstacles that all artists already face in the process of art making, while overcoming the external roadblocks that all new moms face when attempting to do anything productive outside of motherhood? The answer isn’t a simple one.
When I first left my job as a middle school art teacher to stay home with my first child three and a half years ago, I was terrified. I felt like a fraud. I had an identity crisis. I thought if I wasn’t an art teacher, who was I? I didn’t want to be just a mom.
It is not in my nature to devote all of my energy to keeping my home fully functioning. At the end of the day as a stay at home mom, I was bored. I wasn’t stimulated mentally or creatively. I thrive on routine, and so I became obsessed with my daughter’s daily routine for naps and bedtime, and then wildly annoyed when they were disrupted. I was in the middle of a fantastic bout with postpartum anxiety, but I didn’t realize it until I was out of that phase and looking back on the experience.
Now that my second baby is six months old, I am fully aware of my tendencies for nervous, fretting, worrisome anxiety. It all boils down to control and self-care for me. The less control I have over a situation, the more anxious I become, but if I have an abundance of self-care opportunities, then I can better cope with my lack of control over things in my life. Although, as any new mom will tell you, that formula is complicated to execute with tiny humans in the mix.
In motherhood, the best-laid plans are completely and constantly being overturned and opportunities for self-care are often impossible to extract from days that rotate around caring for others. Under these circumstances, creating art can seem a hopeless endeavor.
But, when I went back to work teaching community art classes to adults, I learned something, and I was elated. Suddenly, I had this opportunity to reinvent myself and reassume the identity I had been missing.
My adult students seemed to view me in a way that only a few of my middle school students ever did and my confidence soared immediately. I began to set a new loftier goal for myself—something I had lied to myself about every really wanting. I wanted become an active artist (i.e. create new work on a regular basis, show my work publicly and become a networking member of the artist community in Austin and beyond). Sure, I made art as a public school teacher—project examples for my classes mostly and in the summers I’d START a big painting, but usually never finish it.
Some of my student's work at the DAC
I began to approach my art making practice as just that—a practice. If my job is being an artist, then I have to work whether I feel like showing up for my job or not. Like Picasso said—“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”
Even before I became a mother, making art wasn’t easy. But procrastination was. I once made a list of all of the things I do when I’m procrastinating making art—finding the perfect music, making the perfect cup of tea, cleaning my workspace, etc.—and then I got real with myself and realized that all of the procrastinating was just a lot of busy work that masks the fear of making bad art.
But bad art isn’t something to be afraid of, and it’s all part of the process—practice, setbacks, lessons learned, and new course correction. And once mom-artists recognize how precious their creation time is, a lot of the course correction becomes automatic—one of the tools we pick up naturally and add to our tool belt by default of becoming mothers.
Now, instead of cleaning my workspace or making the perfect cup of whatever and waiting for the muse to arrive, I started to just shove the mess on my desk aside, sit down with my tepid cup of coffee and get busy drawing. Some days, I may only have however long the baby nap generally lasts and I probably still need to shower, but I have to work on my art.
My art practice has become everything now.
It’s not just a therapy or an outlet for my anxiety and a sanctuary of self-care from the unrealistic expectations of motherhood in our modern era; it’s my livelihood and my identity. The lovely side effect of devoting myself whole-heartedly to this goal of art making was that my class sizes at the Dougherty Arts School where I teach drawing and painting suddenly grew around the same time my paradigm shift in personal art production occurred. I am consistently at max capacity at the start of a new class, and that had been far from the case at first. As if overnight, I had a large mailing list of students. Word of mouth is a beautiful thing.
I now share my secrets and tips for building confidence and a daily or regular art practice with all of my students or anyone who will listen, and I find this audience to be extremely grateful of my encouragement and support in this area.
I read positive art affirmations to my classes out loud while they draw and paint. I approach the class like the best yoga instructors I know structure their classes—by supporting students with a relaxed and non-judgmental atmosphere in order to help them let go of critical inner dialogue, release expectations and explore their own self-guided practice.
Sometimes my classes end up feeling like a therapy session, and I love that. People find themselves, build confidence and grow before my eyes. I think part of my journey is learning to take credit for that though.
Recently, I’ve had some “Aw, no—that was all you!” moments when students have said I was the reason they were able to surprise themselves with their painting or drawing abilities, but as I type this I realize I should probably use the line I often feed them when they start to be self-deprecating about their work—“Thanks, I worked really hard on that.”
To bring it all back around to motherhood though, I’d say my mantras for a successful art practice could be applied to my practices as the confident mother whose shoes I’m still growing into.
The key for me is setting my expectations for myself extremely low.
Yeah, you read that right, and I often say that to my students, too. “Don’t aim for the moon. Aim for the end of the lawn and maybe you’ll land among the stars. Plus, the moon is closer to the earth than the stars, so that platitude is really scientifically incorrect anyway!”
Seriously though, we expect too much of ourselves. When we let ourselves off the hook, release expectations and find a niche in our day to day that is realistic and enjoyable, that’s where we generally find peace. I am still on my path to becoming the artist I want to be, and I’m sure I always will be. It’s a long road, and I find solace in that. The joy and growth happen along the way in the most unexpected ways. “Mistakes are opportunities for growth” is something I used to say to my middle school students, but I don’t think I really owned it until I threw myself headfirst into my own art journey.
Sometimes I really do attempt to approach a day of mom-artisthood with the expectation that I will fail at getting anything done. On days when I can only make it up to the studio space I now share with another talented and inspiring artist-mom if I bring my son with me, I set out knowing it’s going to be a struggle. I put him in the pack n’ play I leave there for him, and I may only get 20 minutes of actual work done over the course of a few hours, but it doesn’t matter. The success is in the attempt.
Just showing up is what matters. I have so much patience when it comes to learning and teaching, it amazes me. I wish I could apply that kind of patience to other areas of my life. I still feel like a fraud at times. I still have a hard time taking myself seriously as an artist. There is a fine line in the mind of the creative between egotistical grandeur and crippling self-doubt.
As a mother, you can find me guzzling my glass of wine after the tantrum orchestra that is the toddler-baby bedtime at my house thinking, “Well, I kept them alive today—that’s all that matters, right?” It sounds like another joke, but it IS what matters. When I spend hours I feel I don’t have to spare on a piece of art that doesn’t work and I decide to scrap it, I can choose to see those as wasted hours or be grateful for the valuable practice and growth I just experienced as an artist.
Likewise, as a mother, when I spend an hour trying to leave the house to run an errand that doesn’t happen that day because of a diaper-blowout-turned-unexpected-naptime or epic tantrum that leaves me staring into space, I have a similar choice in regards to perspective.
Being an artist, a part-time art teacher, and a full time stay-at-home-mom means I have to choose to make the time for my art career, to set aside my fears of making bad art, to power through past exhaustion, illness, bad moods and procrastinating tendencies.
I have to schedule blocks of work time around my busy business owner husband’s schedule at times when he can be home with both kids, pump breast milk for the baby, schedule babysitters, bring the toddler or the baby to the studio with me, play cartoons for hours longer than I care to admit in order to meet a deadline or work out an idea, and stay up late into the night when everyone else is asleep. I have to not care what anyone thinks about my messy house, my laundry piles, and the takeout meals or whatever unrealistic expectations I feel I’m not meeting as a mother.
When I look back on these years of early motherhood, I know it will be a blur and I know I will think fondly of the magical cuteness and sigh heavily at the hard-but-worth-it aspect of it all.
Although, the most incredible thing that keeps me going is that something in me switched on when I became a mother.
At a time when it would have been so easy to hit the snooze button, I decided to start dreaming bigger for myself and chasing some lifetime goals I could have easily put off until the nebulous time period when kids become easier to raise.
It’s as if I was such a huge procrastinator that I thought if I don’t challenge myself at one of the most challenging times in my life to do this, I never will.
Photo Credit - Nathan Russell
Throughout this post, I’ve started to list the tricks I employ to get and stay busy on my creative work, but they are so idiosyncratic, I’m not sure they would apply to anyone else, but I’m going to do it anyway:
· I work small: I keep small bags of drawing pens and pencils, my nicer inks in one bag, small sketchbooks I can take anywhere, etc. I pull them out when I’m sitting on the couch watching crap television.
· I’m constantly researching and connecting with art: Instead of scrolling through my phone mindlessly, I search Pinterest, Tumblr or Instagram for lesson planning ideas or resources to send to my students or ideas to inspire my own art. I don’t try to overachieve like I used to with lesson plans. I take screenshots and drop them into a slideshow to share with my classes. I look at the art of others all the time. They say good writers read a lot, and I think a good artist should stay connected to art all times. I recently traded some art prints for some gorgeous glasswork of another artist who found me on Instagram. Pulling from and putting back into the local and global art community is so important. I truly believe in the law of attraction, and I think supporting other artists in any way I can will only result in the growth of my own art career.
· I keep repetitive habits: I know I thrive on routine, and I know what my procrastinating pitfalls are, so I do what I’ve found works for me and I do so religiously. I listen to a certain podcast pretty much every time I sit down to really accomplish work on a project (Marc Maron’s WTF podcast or sometimes On Being with Krista Tippett).
Most importantly—I actively nurture and fuel the positive inner dialogue in my mind, and listen to the inner critic just enough to move away from what isn’t working in my art without bemoaning the loss of time and energy.
I practice constantly, and recognize that if something is off, I’m probably out of practice.
I’m not lying about positive art affirmations. There is a lot to be gained from saying “I am an artist. I am a creative genius!” to yourself and believing it.
All of these tricks really boil down to this, too. It’s an attitude.
A personal investment in your own self-compassion goes such a long way.
There is a thing we all wish we could do if personal ability wasn’t an obstacle and most of the time acknowledging that inner critic and nurturing yourself anyway will make it happen—sometimes overnight, and sometimes in the midst of the most challenging self-care epoch of your life!
Woah!! What an amazing piece of writing, right? I found myself idenitfying with so many points and also feeling completely inspired. I hope you did too! xo- catia
Connect with Adrienne here!
Moon Gallery Instagram / Facebook / Adrienne Hodge / Etsy / Moon Gallery Studio
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Crystal Ngumezi
The Courage to Become Set Apart
I had the courage to become set apart back in 2014, but allow me the opportunity to share with you how I got there:
I’m a Texas native with a Nigerian background. You don’t hear that often, now do you? I was born and raised in Houston, TX with a Nigerian upbringing; both my parents are from the country of Nigeria in West Africa, making me a product of immigrants. Growing up in Texas with Nigerian roots made for a very interesting childhood experience, one that I feel shaped me into the woman I am today. I learned that being different was okay, and that being different made me stronger and more qualified for the life that God had set up for me. My parents taught me that discipline and hard work would serve me well in the future, and as a young business-minded individual today, I can honestly say that it has.
Growing up, I always had a knack for mathematics and creativity, so when I was about 17 years old, I made the decision to pursue Mechanical Engineering as an undergraduate degree. In 2013, I received my B.S. in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Texas at San Antonio. During my undergraduate experience at UTSA, I was able to travel the country and intern for various companies during my summer breaks. After graduation, I received the opportunity to work for a notable fortune 500 company in Fort Worth, TX, as a manager in training, where I later became a full-time technical manager. In my young career, I’ve had the privilege of serving in 2 different managerial positions for 2 different companies. However, I can’t attribute my professional success to my own deeds. It has truly been the work of God moving in my life that provided me with these various opportunities to build my professional portfolio at such a young age.
With all of this being said, back to 2014, where my real story began:
In 2014, I made the radical decision to quit my day job and move back home to Houston, TX. I made this decision in order to pursue my purpose and to follow Christ. Sounds pretty crazy huh? Not quite.
At the time, I was doing pretty well for myself in my career. The money I earned was great, the benefits were awesome, and I was well taken care of as a younger employee.
So you might be left asking, “Why did you quit then?” Well, I’m happy you asked. The problem was that while working in my career, I experienced many internal struggles.
It was like I was at war with myself. I knew that God had a great calling on my life, but I didn’t know how my job and career at the time lined up with that calling. This internal war I experienced on the inside, along with many other battles I was facing simultaneously, led me into a state of mental depression. I literally became sick as a direct result of not following my purpose. I thought I would have been able to cope with this mental illness, but as I continued my work in that field, my depression became worse, and my desire to leave became stronger. When my depression started to affect my work, I knew I had a very important decision to make.
I knew the cause of my illness, and I knew it was severe. What I didn’t know was how I was going to make the critical decision to quit my job, and ultimately to leave my career. What made this decision even harder for me was that due to my success as a training manager, my job offered me a high raise and promotion. Talk about a test! Despite this tantalizing offer, I made the ultimate decision to decline and resign as a manager at that company. I chose to follow God’s will for my life and walk away from my career.
This was not an easy decision to make.
Moving back home was not in my plans - but it was in God’s plans. My friends and family were all in awe of my decision, but I knew that God was leading me. Despite the opposition I faced as a direct result of this decision, I had the courage to become Set Apart.
In The Bible, the term “set apart” means to be separated from what is common and deemed normal - to be chosen. The decision I made to leave what was familiar to me demanded my total surrender to what God had planned for me. I didn’t understand what I was walking into back then, but I knew that my life was radically about to be changed forever.
Now I know that for some of you reading this story, you may find the decision I made to quit my job quite questionable. It was a drastic move, but as a believer, I can truly attest to the fact that the decision I made back in 2014 saved my life.
Jesus saved my life, and he healed me from my mental depression.
Back in 2014, I made the decision to no longer live for myself, but instead to live for God and his purposes for my life. Through my radical obedience to God’s will, I found my true identity in Christ, and I experienced supernatural healing on multiple levels.
One of those levels being my mental health. The healing process I experienced as a direct result of following God’s will was not an overnight thing; God led me out of a state of depression and fear, and into a state of peace and serenity, through months of restoration. Because of my depression, I had forgotten what it was like to live free and victorious. The one thing I had put all of my trust and energy into - my mind, my smarts, and my intelligence - had ultimately failed me. I didn’t see a doctor, and I wasn’t prescribed any medication - God healed me. After God healed my mind, he began to heal my spirit, and ultimately the rest of my body.
In 2015, I began my spiritual walk with the Lord, and encountered various tests and trials along the way. I had my experience of dead ends, faulty relationships, and disappointments, all in an effort to show and to teach me how to follow Jesus the correct way. I’ve had my fair share of bumps and bruises along this journey, but God has always been in my corner cheering me on. He never gave up on me and he always encourages me to keep on fighting. When I would experience situations targeting my fleeting depression in the past, he would come through for me in ways I can’t even tell you. I am now learning how to trust and depend on God in every way. Due to the tests and trials I have experienced, I can honestly say that I have become a stronger woman and an ambassador of Faith.
And today I am joyful and blessed to be here. I can truly attest to the fact that God is faithful, and that He rewards those who diligently seek him. I’m still young and in my prime, but I can truly say that God has begun a good work in me. I can see the fruits of his work. He uses me to mentor young women, and to minister to people I would have never met otherwise. I’m now mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy, and I have peace in my life - not a worldly peace - but the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Whatever you are going through and whatever season you are in, know that God has a plan for you. He had a plan for me, and I would have never found it had I not sought his will. Don’t let fear rob you of experiencing and enjoying a great, purpose-filled life. It’s never too late to make the decision to follow Christ.
My hope in sharing my story with you is that you will take what I have experienced, and use it as fuel to activate your own personal desires to live in the life that God has called you to. I pursued purpose and it changed my life.
Thanks for reading, and God bless you.
Essay by: Crystal Ngumezi
From Crystal:
I have a blog on my online website, crystalngumezi.com, that I use to encourage people to live healthy lives, offering healthy recipes and ways to easily prepare them, along with posts encouraging women to live in the fullness of the Proverbs 31 woman, and informative tips for people pursuing purpose.
I also publish weekly devotionals on my other website, lifeloveandinspirationblog.com, where I teach Christians about Jesus, spreading The Gospel.
Apart from my personal websites, I’m a freelance writer on MyTrendingStories.com, where I write articles relating to business, news and technology. I’m also working on a non-profit organization for young women, which will provide them with professional mentorship and professional development training, scheduled to launch next year.
You can follow me on all social media platforms @crystalngumezi, and follow and like my Facebook page @CrystalNgumeziBlog.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Ginna Mares Villarreal
The Courage to Trust the Final Outcome
Hello All! I want to start off by thanking my sweet friend Catia for letting me be a part of her blog! I remember meeting her for the first time at my salon a while back and when she left I just sat there telling my stylist, she has to be one of the most genuine kind-hearted people I know, but by reading her blog I’m sure you already know that! I love meeting people that leave me with a smile.
My name is Ginna Villarreal and I am a blogger, wardrobe stylist, owner of The Dry Room salon, By Maxwell luxury boutique, owner of a social media company as well as a property tax business but most of all a wife and mother to two crazy little toddlers!
It’s not every day that I type out what I do because just thinking about it is exhausting and I just “do what I gotta do” day in and day out without thinking of the madness! I must get that from my mama.
I was raised in a single-parent home and I saw my mom hustle and grind relentlessly every single day to provide for my brother and I. She was a teacher in my early childhood days and around junior high she would get up and work all day and do night school while getting her Master’s degree.
I remember my brother dividing up the house chores in the evening while my mom went to school. He would say “you make the sandwiches and I’ll do the mac n’ cheese,” we didn’t want her worrying about us.
Later on she went on to get her PhD and we look back at those times and I can’t ever remember her complaining or stressing. She just did her thing.
I could use a little more of her patience, but she sure did show me what it was to get things done.
One thing I was afraid of doing but did anyway was….
One thing I was afraid of doing before owning The Dry Room & By Maxwell was trusting the process of a bigger plan.
All my life I have been a God fearing woman and I knew that I was destined for something….I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew God had something in store for me that not even I would be prepared for.
After getting married & opening up one of my first businesses I remember thinking “there has got to be more than this”. This business is great, I have amazing clients but I’m missing something. Something isn’t feeding my soul.
An opportunity opened up at our local Boys & Girls Club and I told my husband, it doesn’t pay much, I’m not doing it for the money I’m doing it because I believe there’s a child or two whose life I may touch and I’m applying!
I worked at the Boys & Girls Club for two years and it was one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had. I mentored our staff, and spoke to our kids about goals and hard work and achieving them. I let them know that they didn’t have to be a statistic, and that they didn’t have to be a victim of their circumstance.
After all, I knew what it was like to come from a single family home and have a father incarcerated. (By the way, I’m not quite sure people are aware of how many children’s parents are in the jail system in the RGV! It’s mind blowing, but we will save that for another day as my eyes get cloudy and a lump forms in my throat.)
After some time passed a Director position opened up. My getting the job was a given. I was next in line, I had done so much for the club, I along with our staff had just done an entire revamp of the club, and I couldn’t wait to get that call.
Well, the call never came.
I cried, I cried and cried. How could this happen!? It’s so strange that as I type this it feels like it was just yesterday, the pain was literally that bad. It was my husband who reminded me “Aren’t you the one who always says God is always working behind the scenes in your life. You did everything in your power and left that place better than you found it, maybe it’s time to move on.”
So I did. I moved on with a broken heart but like they always say, time helped me heal.
During my healing process, I immersed myself into my fashion blog. My Instagram and social media channels began to grow and companies started to take notice. I knew I was onto something when everyday was like Christmas. Packages of bows, blankets, dolls and clothing for Mia (our oldest daughter) and me were stuffed in our mailbox. Mia was one of the first little toddlers that the Kardashians sent clothing to -- and that was a total trip!
Later, local businesses began to contact me to handle their social media accounts and the business woman in me decided to take on clients! While doing so, I was still trying to find my next venture. What to do? I have always enjoyed making my own schedule, so I knew I would have to open another business to keep the freedom I loved so much!
I have always had a big-city mentality and loved big-city concepts so I told my husband I wanted to open a blow-dry bar and a boutique together. Blow dry bars were a hit in New York and Los Angeles and the good ‘ol Rio Grande Valley (The south most point in Texas) had not jumped on it yet! We went looking at locations, I was obsessed with the historic area of McAllen and Main Street. (Think historic buildings, paved sidewalks and quaint parks.) Finally, I found a corner location with a retro vibe feel, it was PERFECTION.
Lo and behold in the middle of getting a business plan together for my husband to take a look at, I get THAT call. My friend wanted me to help her with her public relations and social media for her new business, you guessed it…a blow dry bar…guess where?! YUP, in the exact same location 200 N. Main Street. It was bitter sweet.
She was an old childhood friend and I was more than happy to help her and her business partner out. I gave her advice, helped her some and we became closer than ever. So – no blow dry bar for me.
At the end of the next year that included a lot of prayer, she asked me to become a partner in her blow-dry bar business!
It was in THAT moment, I learned to trust the process.
God shut one door and gave me the desires of my heart. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.
We just rounded out our 3rd year of business, and this September, The Dry Room was voted McAllen’s Top 5 Businesses and exactly a month later, I opened up a luxury boutique with my husband and dear friends Cindy and Derek.
Since then, I have never questioned why things are they way they are or why they go down the way they do.
If I could give any advice to anyone who feels like they have had a door shut in their face, or have been told no – it would be – dream big, work really hard, pray even harder, and believe… the most beautiful things are in store.
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Essay by: Ginna Mares Villarreal
Guys, Ginna seriously is the hardest working lady in show biz!!
If you live in the RGV, make sure to visit her at The Dry Room and at By Maxwell.
And if you'd like to see Ginna and follow her fun life - check out her fashion blog at Ginna Villareal.
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Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr
The Courage to Become Fulfilled
When Catia invited me to share my story of courage in this inspiring series, I felt relieved that she and I met during my thirtieth year of life; had she propositioned me any sooner, well, then there might not have been a story to tell. This year has been the year of my becoming.
Perhaps I am a late bloomer. Maybe it is that I spent many years devoting my gifts to nurturing the blossoming of others: my husband and our marriage, our two growing boys, my many younger siblings, and the countless people I hold dear. You see, while those who know me most intimately would tell you that I have always lived a courageous life, the truth is that I am only just beginning to break free from fear and find fulfillment.
It isn’t to say that my childhood wasn’t fulfilling. My mother, a relentlessly heroic single mama, taught me grit and perseverance. We found smiles in simplicity. I was the girl who sat beneath the crooked branches of the mesquite trees in my South Texas backyard filling my journal with poetry. In the fifth grade, I earned the title of “Texas Rising Star” and had a poem published. It was my first taste of seeing my words in print. I was hooked. When interviewed at an awards banquet and asked whom I planned to be when I grew up, I confidently proclaimed that I would be a journalist and published author. In my ten-year-old heart, it was destiny. What could ever stand in my way?
Yet, over the course of my life, my fearlessness faded. My poetry became darker; my journals more filled with angst, until, at last, writing ceased altogether. I could tell you of all of the experiences that diminished my feminine power: the assaults upon my body and spirit, which profoundly affected my self worth for years to come. Experiences that shaped my perception of the world, leading me to believe that love wasn’t truly love without pain; life couldn’t truly be lived without aching. And women were intended to slowly fade away.
But that isn’t the story I want to tell you today, and the sobering truth is, if you are a woman reading this account, you likely have your own stories of injustice layered somewhere within your soul, amongst the songs of triumph and gladness.
No, I want to tell you about the day that I decided that I was courageous enough to seek fulfillment. The moment when I realized I was bold enough to become.
Before I could begin my ascent, however, I had to stop and confront my discontent.
It is difficult as a mother to say the words aloud: I long for something more. I was living a life many dream of; a life I had dreamed of myself. A man who wanted nothing more than to provide happiness and stability loved me, fully, and I loved him in return. I was healing past wounds. Growing into myself. We had welcomed two remarkable boys into the world; their ability to see every miniscule moment as marvelous brought me profound joy. Staying home to care for and homeschool them was a gift. Life wasn’t always perfect, and it was rarely easy, but it was ours.
Yet, I continued to struggle internally with feelings of worthlessness, while wearing a brave smile for the world. I played the part of gracious wife, gentle mother, patient teacher, and with each year that passed, with every moment that I spent pouring my soul into others, I felt myself drifting further and further away from the girl who once occupied my body. The girl who dreamed. The girl who put pencil to paper and wrote the words dancing in her head. The girl who believed that everyone had a story to tell. That every voice mattered. (Even my own.)
Had I not had my daughter, I might not have ever found that girl again.
We sat in the postpartum room alone together in the stillness of the night. My new beautiful baby, hours old, felt so delicate in my embrace, somehow smaller than her two brothers had been, yet her eyes were alert with wonder. She was tiny, but she exuded power. A deeply profound sense of urgency filled me as we held each other’s gaze; an urgency to become the woman I had always imagined myself to be.
How would I ever begin to teach her that she could be anything, anything, she desired, if I could not face my fears and manifest my own desires?
In the weeks that followed the fiery urgency grew; it was as if a small spark of possibility had grown into a passionately raging fire. Though I had been able to ignore it in the years that had preceded, there was no putting it out this time. There were moments that were uncomfortable, as I reconciled the fact that motherhood alone could not sustain me. For years, I hid behind the guise of the giver, acting as though my life were too busy to be able to give to myself. Yet, it wasn’t about all of the moments spent mothering. It wasn’t even about the fear trying and failing.
I was afraid to become, because if I did, I just might discover how powerful I could truly be.
(Spoiler alert: I jumped in headfirst and did it anyway.)
Laptop balanced against my knees, my six-week-old daughter nursed eagerly at my breast as the debit card shook between my trembling fingers. I purchased my little corner of the internet. A blog. A space for the words suppressed for a decade to finally exist.
As the clock counted down to a new year, tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks. “You can be anything you choose to become, baby girl. And I am going to show you it is true.”
It has been eleven months since that fateful night; they have been some of the most transformative of my life. As a mom who had her babies young and didn’t finish college, I’ve found the courage to apply for freelance writing jobs, and I have earned them. I’ve seen my words published and shared in places I have only dreamed of. I’ve met women who inspire me to share my truth and speak it loudly.
My stories are no longer shouting at me from the insides, begging to be written; out of my body and into the light they have come. And even if no one ever read them at all, it wouldn’t matter, because that has never been the point. There is joy in knowing they exist, because through their existence, I exist.
Not as Aimee: the once broken and now pieced-back-together girl. Not as Aimee: the wife, the mother, the friend; though coveted roles they all may be.
I exist as Aimee: the one with the divine gift.
(As each of you are also called to exist.)
And when my old companion fear begins to raise her voice? I look her in the eye. Aloud, I cry, “I am ready to accept the gifts offered to me,” tilting my head a little higher than even fear can stand.
Most of all, I am beginning to understand the gravity of Dr. Brene Brown’s message when she told us that “any gift that goes unused becomes a burden.”
I feel the weight of my longing lifting, and I have never felt more alive.
Essay by: Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Alexis Edwards
I am thrilled to have the opportunity to participate in a collaborative series dreamed up by the amazingly talented Catia Holm. Catia is a mama, writer, speaker and all around badass lady who is passionate about inspiring authenticity and teaching others how to flourish.
Catia’s “Courage to Become” series features women from all walks of life with uniquely inspiring stories on how they garnered the courage to BECOME. Women blazing their own trails despite fear and doubt so they could BECOME the women they are truly meant to be. The series will highlight and celebrate each woman’s journey and I’m overjoyed that Catia invited me to join the group!
When Catia reached out, I was honestly like, "Huh? Me? I’m boring." But I think that might also be the point. Navigating womanhood can be brutal. Expectations are high, judgments are common, and self-esteem is a journey all its own. To combat that, we need community and we need to know that our voice matters. We need to be told and understand that our purpose is unique and absolutely attainable despite our fears and doubts.
I think many of us truly struggle to become. When I looked up the definition, I found the meaning “begin to be”. To be or not to be, that is the question, right? It certainly has been for me. My life has been a series of inner dialogues about whether or not to begin and while it’s never easy to take the plunge, each new beginning has helped shape me into the woman I am today.
I haven’t lived the easiest life. I was born to very young parents who raised me in a blended and messy shared custody battle ground. My mother struggled with mental illness, substance abuse and I moved from one city to the next as she chased her broken dreams. We didn’t live in one place for longer than a year or two and my life felt completely nomadic. I yearned for normalcy and endlessly hoped for freedom from the roaming chaos.
While not the nuclear family of my peers, my imperfectly disordered upbringing is exactly where everything about my personality was born. It was the beginning of my becoming. I was forced into a life of independence and resilience and quickly learned how to take charge and meet the needs of others. All of which led me to the career path I’m still walking today.
Since before I can remember, I always wanted to be a helper of sorts, well there was that one time when I was four and wanted to be a ballerina trapeze artist, but other than that I wanted to be a vet, a doctor, a teacher, basically all the kickass people saving (or changing) lives.
It’s my theory that those of us that have been broken are pulled into roles of mending and helping and will continuously do everything in our power to bring things (or people) back into wholeness. And that’s exactly what I did.
I came “home” to Louisiana for undergrad, desperate to dig roots, to be still. I thought, “This is where I will stay forever,” but turns out my wild heart needed more adventure. Despite my dad’s dismay, I did not end up going to medical school, I mean math is hard, but I did discover a calling that allowed me to not only heal my own pain, but to also channel it into serving others.
I applied to graduate school at the UT Austin School of Social Work and after visiting the campus felt an intense pull to stay, my first influential internal dialogue about becoming. What about my family and friends in Louisiana? What if I regretted it? What if I failed? But the thing I’ve learned time and time again, is that your gut is your truth.
Each time I’ve doubted or questioned or feared, I’ve closed my eyes and listened to my heart. Deep down, we all know what we need. We all know what is right or wrong or necessary. Our heart and soul whispers the answers into every part of our being. The problem is that we don’t trust ourselves enough to hold those truths steady.
Eventually I became a mother and realized that mothering was hard. I doubt myself daily and find myself frequently telling a friend, “Today I was a bad mom”. It’s as if the hard things, the struggles, make us feel like we are doing everything wrong. The truth that we are good and alive and doing our best – becomes unsteady -- because the pressure outside says darkness is bad. Failure is wrong. Losing isn’t right. But for me, it’s the things in my life that were all of it, the good, bad and ugly, that brought me the most joy --that made me grow and change and become more human. We can struggle and still be good.
My gut (truth) has never let me down. I followed my truth from grad school in Austin to an internship in South Africa and back again. I followed it again into marriage and motherhood. I followed it when leaving my career to stay home with my babies and I’m following it today as I embark on the journey to reignite my career all over again.
I still have zero clue what I’m doing, but I’m experiencing life. I’m trusting the process and listening to my heart every step of the way. I’m sitting with discomfort and fear and letting it guide me as I unearth the truth behind it all.
I think so often about HOW my children will become WHOLE. About how they can reach self-love and embrace their truth and I think the answer is in teaching them -- not so much about right from wrong -- but more about right and wrong. Strange and normal. Easy and hard. Sadness and joy. Fear and confidence. How the most dichotomous of experiences are actually immensely intertwined and living them together is the only way to authentically become.
Essay by: Alexis Edwards
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
~Frida Kahlo
Head on over to Birth 360 to get in touch with Alexis
And for a daily dose of FUNNY, REAL and SMART visit Alexis on her Instagram!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I wrote a book - The Courage to Become, I speak - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Sign up here
The Como Mamas
Originally published on 10-23-13
Sometime in mid-March, I was working at ACL and SXSW acts were rolling through the venue. The ticket for this particular night read, Soul Review. I thought, “Cool. I like soul music.” And I had a glimmer of hope that Justin Timberlake would swing by.
At 8pm when the house lights went down the venue only had about 100 people in it. It was a meager start to the night as the venue fits about 2700 music lovers. As I surveyed the crowd I thought, “Maybe Prince is playing down the street or something.”
I scanned the acts on the ticket and since I hadn’t heard of any of them, I didn’t pay much attention. As ACL spans four floors I spent a lot of my time running around chatting and checking with staff on each floor. As I was running around my boss, Tom asked “Have you been inside the venue yet? You’re going to love the act on stage.” As soon as I found a good breaking point I made my way inside the venue and was immediately blown away.
The room was dark and cold and filled with the unforgettable voices of The Como Mamas. As I surveyed the stage I thought, “Only three ladies, no instruments?” I had heard similar sounds from movie soundtracks before, but never in person. The group is made up of three lifelong Gospel singers from the small town of Como, Mississippi, and they were magnificent. Their voices cut straight through the fluff and went directly to my bones. Their voices were gripping. I was mesmerized. I inched my way toward the front of the stage and got lost in their voices. I took photos and videos but nothing compared to the real thing.
When their set was over and the crowd of what was now 200 people had finished applauding, I decided to make good use of my all access pass and go backstage to tell them how awesome they were.
I walked straight up to my favorite of the three singers, Ms. Ester Mae, and I introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Catia and I work here. I just wanted to tell you how powerful and impactful your performance was. Listening to your voices is very moving. Good luck with…” I thought it was be a quick congratulations and I’d be on my way. But before I turned away she grabbed my hands in hers.
We were outside her dressing room and folks were hurriedly working getting ready for the next band, but somehow all that faded away and I felt connected. I didn’t yet know what she was going to say, but I knew that I was going to pay attention.
My small soft hands sat in her encompassing rough hands. Her hands felt like they had been productive for decades. She was tall and was of bigger build and dressed in her Sunday best. Her long corn rows were pulled back in a ponytail and she was smiling so big I could see her gold capped teeth. No one would have questioned her being backstage but she was wearing her artist badge proudly.
Once my hands were in hers and our eyes locked she said, “Thank you so much for that. You know, I’m 62. They came into my church and discovered me 4 years ago. All my life I’ve been singing in the church, for the church and just now, my dreams are coming true. Tomorrow, they are taking me on a plane to New Orleans!” She was beaming. Ms. Ester continued, “I’ve been praying my whole life to God. You just keep working hard for what you want. Don’t lose faith in yourself or in God. When you’re ready, your dreams will find their way to you. Don’t be afraid of hard work.”
I was blown away by her words of wisdom. I knew that this was not an ordinary occurrence.
Ms. Ester definitely looked like she could cook a southern meal and give a great hug. And since we weren’t near a kitchen, I asked if I could give her a hug and she agreed. It was such a mama bear hug. I could feel her love even though she didn’t know me from Adam.
Did she know Guapo and I were about to hit a rocky patch? Did she know I was going to jump into writing full time? Did she know that I was training for a marathon? Did she know I was working two jobs and was really tired? There were so many balls in the air; I had no clue how life was going to be come May. How did she know I would need to hear her words? She didn’t, but God did.
God sent her to me to say, “Keep your head down, work hard and don’t lose faith.” The words, “I’m 62 and I’m just walking into my dream,” pop into my thoughts when I get impatient.
There are signs all around and they come to us in different packages. The universe is constantly talking to us, guiding us along. However, the signs from the universe won’t always be obvious, most times, they’ll be subtle. We have to be open and aware enough to receive them. We have to have open hearts, open minds and be quiet enough within ourselves to notice the messages.
If we are constantly numbing ourselves out with food, alcohol or even activity we will have a hard time reading the signs along the way, if we see them at all. James Earl Jones is not going to show up at our doors telling us what our next move should be, neither is the Wizard of Oz.
Some days a door will open and a door will close and that’s as much change that will happen. Some days there may be a road block along the way redirecting us, and some days the universe may send us Ms. Ester. Most times the signs are so small that we may not even give them any significance, but they are there. Pay attention.
Justin Timberlake was a no show that night, but I got something much better, a hug from Ms. Ester and a message from God.
Ms. Ester, may you continue to touch people’s souls the way you touched mine.
