Catia Holm 12/5/16 Catia Holm 12/5/16

The Courage to Become | Chrystie Vachon

Hi, I’m Chrystie

Married. Tattooed. Margarita Lover. Blogging Entrepreneur. Mom of 3.

I’ve spent the last 10 years making a living off the internet by starting and selling blogs. In total, I’ve sold 4 blogs and earned hundreds of thousands of dollars throughout the years as a result. I’ve blogged about celebrities, coupons, mason jar recipes, subscription boxes and many other topics…basically..I’m an equal opportunity blogger! I blog about what I love and I blog about what makes me money.

Writing this piece has really allowed me to see just how far I have come in my professional life and in my personal life.

I suppose my story begins at 4:00am on a typical work day in 2009. My two children are sleeping across the room from mine. My husband is in bed next to me and the weather outside is frosty. My alarm clock sounds, I check Twitter and Facebook by the light of my phone. I get up, get dressed, grab a cup of coffee and drive 30 minutes to the train station to catch the 5:45 am train into Boston to go to my start-up job. I was the Social Media Strategist for an up and coming mobile app and I loved it.

I’d bounce off the train at 8:15am (yes that’s almost 3 hours one way) and get back on the train at 5:45 to arrive home at 8:15pm. Several nights a week I didn’t even make it home before 10:00pm because I would attend networking events to further my career and my place in my field. On the nights I did make it home, my children would be in bed already and my husband would be watching TV. I’d sit down on the opposite sofa and open up my computer and continue to work until midnight.

If I’m being honest, at the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with that lifestyle. I didn’t see anything wrong with working so much. As a matter of fact it made me feel important and needed. My mother worked a lot when I was a child, carrying at least 2 jobs at a time. It’s all I ever knew.

It wasn’t until my marriage dissolved that I realized the toll that my career driven lifestyle had taken on my life. All of a sudden I was a 32 year old divorced single mom who had missed the last several years of her children’s life in exchange for an impressive resume. But a resume wasn’t going to piece my family back together.

Truth be told…I never felt ‘good’ at motherhood. I never was the mushy gushy kind of mom that all of my friends were. I didn’t yearn to be home with my children. That didn’t come naturally to me. What did come naturally was being an employee. Being a star employee who got raises and praise. I was the type of person who needed that type of encouragement. And as most moms know…you don’t get that encouragement when you are staying home. You get screaming children. Messy living rooms and mountains of laundry. It’s hard and work was my escape.

Shortly after my divorce, I left my job in Boston. Commuting 3 hours each way just wasn’t an option anymore. It wasn’t good for my new family dynamic. And so instead, I started a small consulting business and worked with clients until I started a blog, which as luck would have it, allowed me to make a full time salary while staying home. For the first time in my life, I was able to drop my kids off at school, and be there when they got off the bus. Take time out of my day to attend school plays and pick them up from school when they were sick. I got to make up for all those times when I couldn’t do those things.

The courage to become the mother I always wanted to be meant redefining my definition of success. I no longer needed a boss to tell me I was great.

I no longer needed a high paying salary to tell me I was worth it.

Now my definition of success is being able to live life on my terms and give my children my most valuable asset, time.

The Courage to Become | Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr

The Courage to Become Fulfilled

When Catia invited me to share my story of courage in this inspiring series, I felt relieved that she and I met during my thirtieth year of life; had she propositioned me any sooner, well, then there might not have been a story to tell. This year has been the year of my becoming.

Perhaps I am a late bloomer. Maybe it is that I spent many years devoting my gifts to nurturing the blossoming of others: my husband and our marriage, our two growing boys, my many younger siblings, and the countless people I hold dear. You see, while those who know me most intimately would tell you that I have always lived a courageous life, the truth is that I am only just beginning to break free from fear and find fulfillment.

It isn’t to say that my childhood wasn’t fulfilling. My mother, a relentlessly heroic single mama, taught me grit and perseverance. We found smiles in simplicity. I was the girl who sat beneath the crooked branches of the mesquite trees in my South Texas backyard filling my journal with poetry. In the fifth grade, I earned the title of “Texas Rising Star” and had a poem published. It was my first taste of seeing my words in print. I was hooked. When interviewed at an awards banquet and asked whom I planned to be when I grew up, I confidently proclaimed that I would be a journalist and published author. In my ten-year-old heart, it was destiny. What could ever stand in my way?

Yet, over the course of my life, my fearlessness faded. My poetry became darker; my journals more filled with angst, until, at last, writing ceased altogether. I could tell you of all of the experiences that diminished my feminine power: the assaults upon my body and spirit, which profoundly affected my self worth for years to come. Experiences that shaped my perception of the world, leading me to believe that love wasn’t truly love without pain; life couldn’t truly be lived without aching. And women were intended to slowly fade away.

But that isn’t the story I want to tell you today, and the sobering truth is, if you are a woman reading this account, you likely have your own stories of injustice layered somewhere within your soul, amongst the songs of triumph and gladness.

No, I want to tell you about the day that I decided that I was courageous enough to seek fulfillment. The moment when I realized I was bold enough to become.

Before I could begin my ascent, however, I had to stop and confront my discontent.

It is difficult as a mother to say the words aloud: I long for something more. I was living a life many dream of; a life I had dreamed of myself. A man who wanted nothing more than to provide happiness and stability loved me, fully, and I loved him in return. I was healing past wounds. Growing into myself. We had welcomed two remarkable boys into the world; their ability to see every miniscule moment as marvelous brought me profound joy. Staying home to care for and homeschool them was a gift. Life wasn’t always perfect, and it was rarely easy, but it was ours.

Yet, I continued to struggle internally with feelings of worthlessness, while wearing a brave smile for the world. I played the part of gracious wife, gentle mother, patient teacher, and with each year that passed, with every moment that I spent pouring my soul into others, I felt myself drifting further and further away from the girl who once occupied my body. The girl who dreamed. The girl who put pencil to paper and wrote the words dancing in her head. The girl who believed that everyone had a story to tell. That every voice mattered. (Even my own.)

Had I not had my daughter, I might not have ever found that girl again.

We sat in the postpartum room alone together in the stillness of the night. My new beautiful baby, hours old, felt so delicate in my embrace, somehow smaller than her two brothers had been, yet her eyes were alert with wonder. She was tiny, but she exuded power. A deeply profound sense of urgency filled me as we held each other’s gaze; an urgency to become the woman I had always imagined myself to be.

How would I ever begin to teach her that she could be anything, anything, she desired, if I could not face my fears and manifest my own desires?

In the weeks that followed the fiery urgency grew; it was as if a small spark of possibility had grown into a passionately raging fire. Though I had been able to ignore it in the years that had preceded, there was no putting it out this time. There were moments that were uncomfortable, as I reconciled the fact that motherhood alone could not sustain me. For years, I hid behind the guise of the giver, acting as though my life were too busy to be able to give to myself. Yet, it wasn’t about all of the moments spent mothering. It wasn’t even about the fear trying and failing.

I was afraid to become, because if I did, I just might discover how powerful I could truly be.

(Spoiler alert: I jumped in headfirst and did it anyway.)

Laptop balanced against my knees, my six-week-old daughter nursed eagerly at my breast as the debit card shook between my trembling fingers. I purchased my little corner of the internet. A blog. A space for the words suppressed for a decade to finally exist.

As the clock counted down to a new year, tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks. “You can be anything you choose to become, baby girl. And I am going to show you it is true.”

It has been eleven months since that fateful night; they have been some of the most transformative of my life. As a mom who had her babies young and didn’t finish college, I’ve found the courage to apply for freelance writing jobs, and I have earned them. I’ve seen my words published and shared in places I have only dreamed of. I’ve met women who inspire me to share my truth and speak it loudly.

My stories are no longer shouting at me from the insides, begging to be written; out of my body and into the light they have come. And even if no one ever read them at all, it wouldn’t matter, because that has never been the point. There is joy in knowing they exist, because through their existence, I exist.

Not as Aimee: the once broken and now pieced-back-together girl. Not as Aimee: the wife, the mother, the friend; though coveted roles they all may be.

I exist as Aimee: the one with the divine gift.

(As each of you are also called to exist.)

And when my old companion fear begins to raise her voice? I look her in the eye. Aloud, I cry, “I am ready to accept the gifts offered to me,” tilting my head a little higher than even fear can stand.

Most of all, I am beginning to understand the gravity of Dr. Brene Brown’s message when she told us that “any gift that goes unused becomes a burden.”

I feel the weight of my longing lifting, and I have never felt more alive.

Essay by: Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

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Catia Holm 10/3/16 Catia Holm 10/3/16

The Courage to Become | Monica Becker

Courage to Quit Your 9-5

"What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" "What is your biggest dream?" "What are you most passionate about?" These are some of my favorite questions to ask people.

I’m curious about people’s passions and I like to motivate and challenge them to work toward their dreams. I find that I like to encourage people from the inside out – building up their confidence and then encouraging them to stretch.

Sometimes we all need a little push to help us get out of the false illusion that we can't succeed. Sometimes it’s easy for us to settle, because we’re scared of “what if?” But when we pursue our passions and follow what truly sets are soul on fire, that’s when the magic happens.

Just after I turned 23, I started working full time as an employee of the State of Texas. I was the youngest person in my division and very excited for my new career. But, the excitement of having my 9-5 "big girl" job quickly started to fade as I surpassed my learning curve and was no longer stimulated by the work.

But, as luck would have it, around the same time I started teaching group fitness classes, and they kept monotony from setting in.

Right away I fell in love with group fitness and the community I built within my classes. Helping and motivating people through my classes made my heart explode. I was able to see people's lives transform right in front of my eyes. The impact of finding a positive community had a MAJOR ripple effect.

We forget how powerful it is to connect with people.

I teach all forms of dance (latin, hip-hop, etc.) and since most people don’t feel comfortable dancing unless they’ve had a few cocktails – it’s always touch and go at first – whether the students are really going to let loose. But when one student dances freely, others follow.

Providing a time and space to allow my students to “let go” can make a huge difference in someone’s day which can also change their life.

My fulfillment from my classes grew immensely in my soul and I one day I could not see myself living without that energy. So, I started teaching as many classes as I could while working full time and juggling my relationship.

BUT, I was in need of finding balance.

And then, two weeks before our one year wedding anniversary, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. We were both ecstatic for the news but knew we wanted better work opportunities before our son came and I finally had clear intentions of what I wanted.

I wanted to stay home with our son and not miss any of his first moments.

But how would I be able to do this and earn an income to contribute to our family?

I wanted to teach my fitness classes and somehow make just as much money or more working in line with my passion – so I set that as an intention. And I no longer wanted my 9-5 “big girl” job.

Two weeks before my maternity leave was up - I had an intense conversation with my best friend about my decision to quit. And since she is the best planner I have ever met, the news freaked her out. She knew that our family really wasn’t built for only one income. Even with all that, I spoke these words to her: "I am going to go back to work but then I’m quitting. I don't know how but I will end up making more money working less hours doing what I love – being home with our son. I don't know how it's going to happen but I just know and have faith that it will work out."

And then, I QUIT MY 9-5 JOB.

Shortly thereafter, I was approached by one of my students and he offered me a job developing a DANCE VIDEO GAME. I would be doing the choreography and development for a DANCE VIDEO GAME!

I couldn't even believe the type of work I would be doing. I was finally working completely in my passions and the best part was I’d be able to work from home and have my son with me.

Between my new video game job and my fitness classes I was making just the income I needed. I was extremely thankful and in shock that I actually achieved what I desired most!

THEN…

Two weeks after attaining this amazing opportunity my husband got a job offer to work from home as well with a large income increase. We were not expecting this at all! Now my husband could enjoy all of Austin's first moments too! We were both home and got to experience when Austin took his first steps – and I will never forget it.

Having faith that everything will work out and taking a risk has been the biggest life changing experience for me. I learned so much about the power of our intentions and desires. Our daily thoughts and actions can make our lives for better or worse.

If there is something you are passionate about or something you want to achieve, dig deep and put your whole heart into it. Don't worry about how you will get there, just have faith and start taking action towards your goals. Doors will open for you along the way and people will come into your life that are unexpected. Take a leap of faith. You won't regret it!

Essay by: Monica Becker

Monica is truly an inspiration and such a wonderful spirit!!! You can find her on You Tube, or connect with her via her FB Page: Dance With Monica ATX and you can even find her on Instagram.

If you're in the Austin area, check out her FB page for dance classes, and if you're not in the Austin area, check out her YOU TUBE page, and she can teach you in the comfort of your home!

Hi, friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Catia Holm 9/26/16 Catia Holm 9/26/16

The Courage to Become | Cristina Reyna Neel

The Courage + Irony of Becoming a Bonus Mom

For crying out loud: When the courage and irony of parenting becomes loud and clear.

True confession: I hate loud noises.

I hate loud noises and I have twin stepsons. Naturally, loud is part of the package. “Loud” is in their bones. “Loud” is the very definition of who they are when they’re together. But the truth is that I seriously loathe loud. God’s honest truth is that anxiety shoots right up my spine at the first sounds of those inevitable screams between young brothers running through the house.

This so-called “noise sensitivity” is part of who I am as an adult child of an alcoholic, or an ACOA, as we call ‘em. Yeah, there’s an acronym for that. When unpredictable commotion is a regular part of your environment growing up, it can create a visceral reaction in pretty normal situations as an adult. So now I’m the grown-up. And my kids are the ones, well, being kids.

So I close my eyes when the disorder takes over. I take deep breaths. I talk myself down from that loud ledge of uneasiness when the twin tornado comes roaring through the living room. When the television is deafening. When it sounds like a herd of elephants are tap dancing upstairs. Sometimes it works. But sometimes it doesn’t.

The back patio provides some relief, although I can often hear the sibling rivalry from out there. And that’s when I ask myself, “Is it them? Or is it me?” It doesn’t take long to decide it’s me. I’m the adult after all. Or at least I’m supposed to be.

And then I pray for Patience to show herself. Thankfully, Wisdom is usually nearby to tap my shoulder with a gentle reminder that although our childhood experiences influence the present, they don’t have to dictate our reactions.

On one particular occasion, I sat on that patio in a panic of self-doubt, feeling angry and unfit to parent. I texted my mom:

“I don’t know if I can do this. It’s. Just. So. Loud. Why do they have to be SO LOUD? ”

She responded with the cringe-worthy honesty I needed at that moment:

“I love you, my once very active and noisy little girl. Your first sitter said you were going be a cheerleader because you’d stand in your crib and yell. I remember having your hearing tested thinking you were hearing impaired because you talked so loud. I had you checked for ADD because you were so active. Enrolling you in a dance class didn’t even help get your energy out.”

Mom followed this text with lots of kissy emojis and hearts and I laughed through my tears.

“THANKS, MOM., I’m surprised you didn’t drop me off at the fire station and run!”

She told me what I needed to hear. And how could I not laugh at Irony stomping around my house in the form of two little boys?

When I met their dad, I knew it would take courage to become a bonus mom – a role I hadn’t really imagined myself filling. When this “very active and noisy little girl” pictured her future, she knew she’d become a professional, a leader, a writer and probably a wife. Stepmom, however was definitely not part of the plan. But life is what happens, right? When you’re making other plans.

Today, when I look closely at the past few years, I begin to comprehend the traditions I’ve cultivated with this precious family of mine: Family game night. Glow stick dance parties. Summer road trips. The annual corn maze. Homemade heart-shaped pizzas. Making cascarones. Crossing our favorite bridge on the last day of school. The list is long.

That’s when I see a mom staring back at me. And sometimes that mom happens to wear earplugs.

Essay by: Cristina Reyna Neel

Don't you love Cristina?! Her sense of humor is just what the doctor ordered. :)

If you'd like to get more of Cristina's work, be sure to visit her on TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM.

AND Be sure to subscribe to her Blog - Right as Reyna.

*As a side note, her Instagram is HILARIOUS! She posts quotes her boys say - this is the latest!

11.15.17 Catia's Portrait Session-0047.jpg

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

“Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!”

The Courage to Become | Chrystie Vachon

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The Courage to Become | Aimee Gonzalez Niebuhr

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The Courage to Become | Monica Becker

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The Courage to Become | Cristina Reyna Neel

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide