Help for Post Partum Depression (and the like)
I have had postpartum depression … twice. And so have A LOT of your friends and family.
When you’re a first time mom, the postpartum experience is new – and since it’s your first time around – it’s not easy to figure out what’s normal and what isn’t.
During my first pregnancy I was aware of the postpartum depression possibility so I guarded against it. I encapsulated my placenta, I worked out, I went to therapy, and still – the bottom fell out from under me. Only I didn’t know it – and not knowing that you are in the midst of postpartum disorders is the most dangerous.
One day, when my first born was about 4 months old, I noticed that I felt really good. I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders – and over the next few weeks, the puzzle pieces fell into place and I knew I had been depressed and anxious.
Here’s what my first go with postpartum disorders felt like:
Having thoughts of my baby getting hurt or dying A LOT.
Extreme jealousy and irrational behavior.
Fear that my husband would find a better woman.
Not connecting with my child.
I tended to her needs and no one could tell I wasn’t truly connecting – but I knew.
Resentment of my new life.
I wanted a baby, and had one, but then I was kind of pissed that my life had changed so much. Where had my life gone? Where had my freedom gone?
So then, with my second baby, I was ready. I knew what to look out for. My husband and I were ready!
With my second baby I had a traumatic birth (I lost 50% of my blood and had to have blood transfusions) so my OB was on high alert for me having Post-traumatic stress disorder, but after a few checkups, she deemed me fine.
The first several months of my second baby’s life were a dream. I was in love with her, I was connecting with her, I had help around the house, and my husband was helping a ton – ALL GOOD!
But then around month four – things started to get weird. I started to have major anxiety and my fuse became shorter and shorter. And around month five, my girlfriend Alexis at Birth 360, posted an article about late onset postpartum depression – and I read it – and it all clicked.
Dang it! It happened again!
I immediately called my doctor and made an appointment.
Here’s what postpartum depression felt like the second time around:
Having thoughts of my children getting hurt or dying – A LOT.
A general sense of fear of not having enough (money, food, time, etc.)
A short fuse, zero patience.
Anger toward everyone. Suppressed rage.
Feeling like someone had a boot on my neck.
Feeling helpless to affect change in my work life.
Irrational thoughts
Here’s a quick example of irrational thoughts:
My husband and I were out of town visiting family. We were staying in a quiet farm town, at least 30 minutes from a grocery store. One morning he cooked our oldest daughter breakfast — eggs and hotdogs. He also precooked hotdogs for the rest of the day – so that she would have something ready to go if she got hungry.
I asked him if he had had his fill of hotdogs, and he said yes. Then I said, “Okay, I’m going to eat the rest of these hotdogs with my breakfast.” I too wanted eggs and hotdogs. And he said, “Why don’t you have the chicken (there was cooked chicken breast) so that she can have the hotdogs later?”
And I got PISSED.
Thoughts started swirling in my mind. He doesn’t think I deserve hotdogs? Am I not worth hotdogs? I should be able to eat the hotdogs if I want. Am I not worth the $8 worth of hotdogs? And on and on.
I jumped in the shower and began to weep.
Guys, my husband and I have a strong relationship. He loves me and I love him, deeply. We have been through life together and still, we pull closer together. The sky is blue, and my husband loves me — I KNOW these things. And I knew intellectually that he would want me to have the hot dogs if that’s what I wanted – but my brain was spinning OUT OF CONTROL.
And when I told my OB/GYN the hotdog story – she said, “I’m glad you’re here for help.”
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Useful questions for help for postpartum depression:
I recommend you ask yourself or have a person you trust ask.
Are you having fears you didn’t used to have? What are they?
Are you angry your life has changed?
Are you having thoughts that your baby is going to die?
Are you frustrated throughout the day? What sparks the frustration?
Do you feel inadequate?
Do you feel supported?
Do you feel like you can be honest about your feelings with those around you?
Has your libido changed? How?
If you have children, how do you feel toward them? Same as before baby? More connected, less connected?
If you are married or in a relationship – how do you feel toward your spouse/partner? Has it changed since post baby? Describe.
These are BIG questions and they only work if you commit to being honest.
The thing I’ve heard most from women about postpartum disorders is that they are ashamed. I am here to tell you – there is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a hormonal issues – not an issue of ability or will power.
You can ask for help from your OB/GYN, your child’s pediatrician, a counselor or your girlfriends, community and family. Some women feel better after talking about it with friends or a therapist. Some women need medication (me!) And some women need a combo of things.
We are all with you and for you.
Childbirth brings on so many changes, good and bad and messy ones. But the point of it all is to ENJOY your new baby and your new family. Get the help you need, you deserve to feel good!
Other resources:
Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas
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This post was originally written for and featured on Austin Moms Blog
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
And yet, #metoo
By now you may have heard of the #MeToo movement. A movement to get women to say out loud – I was harassed, molested, abused, assaulted and maybe even raped.
The other night when I saw my girlfriend post ‘Me Too.’ I paused and thought, Wow. Her? She’s so smart and capable and well put together. She’s a great mom and wife and business woman. She shows no outward signs of trauma. She’s funny and kind and fiercely strong. Her?
But then I thought: Me Too.
I have been harassed too many times to count, fondled in a club setting and I couldn’t tell whose hand it was. One time I was working in a restaurant and while I was facing a table that the restaurant owner was sitting at – a man from a table behind me grabbed me between my legs. Thank goodness I was wearing pants. No invitation, in public – while I was working — and while his 80 -year-old mom was sitting across from him. I was overcome with emotion. I went at told my boss and I was met with a luke warm reaction, and my heart broke. How could someone value sales over my well-being?
I went home at told my boyfriend – and he stood up for me in a way that felt so good. He helped me feel safe again – and worthy of being protected.
One time I was in college and a guy walked out of his dorm bathroom naked and started yelling at me. He called me a whore and all sorts of other things and why wouldn’t I just give it up? I left his room running and didn’t tell a soul. Years later I saw him being honored during half-time of a UT football game for being on the National Championship team. My heart dropped.
And that wasn’t the worse time.
One time during graduate school I was sexually assaulted. And that was the one that really sent me over the edge and spiraling in all sorts of ways invisible to anyone. I told a few people but didn’t get help for years. One day I decided maybe I should tell my mom – but no time ever seemed right. And so I told her while we were looking for earrings at Dillard’s.
It was so weird. I had no road map.
And she was the one who made sure I got the help I needed – for years.
From the outside – I kind of look like I have it all together – kind of like my girlfriend. I have friends, a career, a faith I love, and daughters who are the light of my life. I have a husband I adore and I volunteer and do all the normal things. No outward signs of trauma – and yet, #MeToo.
Noble Photography, Austin
I am telling you things that I haven’t thought about in years because they feel so gross. The restaurant incident literally made me feel SO violated. I am sitting here on my couch – wiping the tears from my face and drying my hands on my jeans. Seeing the accumulation of disrespect to my soul and my body is almost too much to handle.
My intention in sharing all of this it to create a safe space for you, for us.
My guess is that you have experienced something unwanted. I am uninterested in ranking our suffering. If our hearts hurt – if our spirits were changed – if our bodies were violated – it all matters.
And it’s okay if we take some time to tend to ourselves.
Recently I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Edith Eva Eger, she is a Holocaust survivor and the author of the book, The Choice. Being in her presence was unbelievably humbling. It was a blessing to hear her speak and share space with her. She was 16 when she was imprisoned in Auschwitz, miraculously survived and has gone on to do some amazing work through her lifetime. Perhaps some of the nuggets she shared can help us heal.
· The biggest prison is in our minds and we have the keys in our pockets.
· Don’t let someone’s energy take residency in your body.
· Don’t let the past hold you hostage
And two of the most impactful for me were,
“Grief is not an illness and, we can’t heal what we don’t feel.”
Sisters, I’m so sorry you have been hurt. Share your story with someone who will hold you tenderly. Seek help from loved ones and/or professionals. Give yourself every chance to release any shame, hurt, anger or frustration.
I’m going to do this too. I thought I was healed, but I think my feelings were just dormant – waiting for me to address them.
Thank you, #MeToo movement for spurring societal change and hopefully healing.
RESOURCES
· Text GIRL to 741-741 to be connected to a trained crisis counselor 24/7. It’s free and confidential.
· National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1-800-656-4673
—-
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Allison Mack
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~ Maya Angelou
I love this quote. I live my life by this quote. When the opportunity to write about the “Courage to Become” fell into my lap my first thought was, gosh I haven’t really “become” anything. I’m a pretty ordinary person. I’m just me. I started to dig deep and really take a hard look back on my past, my history, my childhood, my parents, and what defines me, what doesn’t define me, but overall, what makes me… me.
I really feel pretty lucky that I’ve become a lot of amazing things - I’ve become a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend to countless, but I’ve also had the blessing of becoming a business owner of an empowering community of women called, Austin Moms Blog and sometimes also known as my 4th child.
The condensed version of me is that I grew up in Austin, TX, lived in the same house my entire life and attended Westwood High School where my mother was {and still is} a teacher. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and my sister and I are almost 10 years apart {I’m the baby} so in essence I grew up slightly like the only child…or so I’ve been told.
For as long as I can remember, I was always outgoing, tenacious, and loved being around people… a true extrovert. I was a cheerleader, trained in English Equestrian for several years, joined the FFA where I raised a lamb {we never made it to the slaughter trailer — my heart just couldn’t do it}, started competing in beauty pageants my Freshman year in high school, graduated from the University of Texas in Austin, and ultimately met my best friend, Wesley, who I would later marry and have 3 beautiful children with. Whew… that’s me in a outer surface nut shell and the longest sentence EVER.
My years in pageantry really set me up big time for what I’m doing in life now — I mean I can strut in a pair of heels while holding a crying baby on my hip, holding another’s hand, leading another with my knee, and still have room to throw in a hair flip all while my lips are glossed and my eyeliner is winged. That’s talent right there, people. In all seriousness though, pageantry really did help prepare me for being a business owner as well as a mom. I definitely don’t regret my pageant days.
Throughout my competition years I endured countless hours of training to make sure I was the best version of me. I know it sounds so cliche, but I really do believe that pageants bring out the best of who YOU were meant to be. I spent the most amount of time training for interview and public speaking. I also spent time learning how to walk in heels, how to put on false eyelashes, how to get my hair closer to God {it’s called a teasing comb}, and more, but my weakest area was always speaking in public.
When I look back at all of that training I kind of smile. It seemed like nonsense once my pageant days were over, but I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that training now that I’m older. As the owner of Austin Moms Blog, I make some sort of media appearance at least twice a month. Whether I’m on the news, speaking to a University of Texas advertising class, or connecting with other moms at an event, I’m now extremely comfortable speaking in public. I still get nervous, but I now know that at least I won’t suck when I do have to do it.
Austin Moms Blog is an opportunity that truly fell into my lap. It wasn’t something I was looking for, but I really feel like it was looking for me. In fact, my dream in life was to be a mom. Nothing more, nothing less, “just” a mom. Life had bigger plans for me. My husband had bigger plans for me. A friend had bigger plans for me. My children had bigger plans for me. And in the summer of 2011, after being a mom for just 1 very long year, a friend and I decided to launch Austin Moms Blog. It would be our hobby, a place where we could talk about all things mommy, a resource of sorts for other moms in the Austin community, a judgment free zone, and safe place. Now I juggle being “just” that mom as well as managing a business that requires at least {if not more} 30-40 hours of true work per week. 6 years later, I’m reminded that when you’re doing something you are passionate about that it can often lead to something pretty special.
Starting Austin Moms Blog made perfect sense because honestly, there was zero pressure and we were moms starting a moms blog. I mean duh. The way we looked at it was this was truly just for fun! I believe that’s what has made AMB so successful - we started from a really organic and authentic place in our lives. Moms just being moms. Eventually other moms kind of started to like us, which was awesome!
Austin Moms Blog Executive Team
When we first launched Austin Moms Blog we knew that there were similar resources out there for parents so we made every effort to try to be different. In the very beginning when AMB was just a newborn, we really didn’t have a lot of direction or guidance so it was just us trying to navigate as we went along. It wasn’t until we started bringing on a team of writers that AMB’s legs really grew and we were able to set ourselves apart from the rest as not just a resource, not just event focused, not just community driven, not just a contributing team, not just a one mom perspective, but ALL of that wrapped up under one umbrella. Diversity in our team is our #1 goal, because we recognize that all moms are different with different backgrounds, parenting styles, and that we are all at different stages of motherhood. Our team is 50 strong and we try really hard to embody all of those differences so we can touch all moms not just the ones that are like us.
Austin Moms Blog Contributing Team
I started this journey with a Maya Angelou quote and it’s literally something I say {condensed version, of course}, whenever I’m faced with adversity or in times that simply put, aren’t going my way. When you focus on the good, it’s hard to be saddened by the bad. Austin Moms Blog is good. I’m reminded of that daily by our current team, our past contributing writers, and even by our readers. We are ALL good good mamas no matter what our path to motherhood was, regardless of how many children we have, and despite our differences. That’s why I’m so proud to have become the behind the scenes voice of such a powerful platform as Austin Moms Blog.
A Few Fun Little Facts::
• Which living person do you most admire? This is tough. There are at least 2 handfuls of people that I truly admire so it wouldn’t be fair to call out only one. I will say that characteristics I admire most in people are “hard-working, driven, strong sense of humor, well-spoken, kind, dedicated, intelligent, faithful, successful {at something…anything!}, not afraid to show raw emotion, and open-mindedness”.
• Which talent would you most like to have? I wish so much that I knew how to play the piano. I know I know… it’s not too late to start, BUT it’s just not something I have the patience to learn this late in life. It’s one of those talents I wish I could just snap my fingers and magically have.
• What is your most marked characteristic? My hair.
• What are some things you are proud to have accomplished? I’m incredibly proud that I’m a UT graduate…it really wasn’t in the cards for me to go to an accredited university, but that tenaciousness came out in full force and I was determined to get ‘er done.
• What are some hopes you have for your future? I think my biggest hope is to watch my children grow into their own little people, which means I get to grow old {YAY!}. And I mean that…I’ll be ridiculously lucky if I get the chance to be full of wrinkles, gray hair, and live the journey my children and my husband take me on. If AMB went away tomorrow, I’d still be incredibly fulfilled.
• What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on? Do it {whatever “it” is} because you love it and it’s a passion, not because you need it or are trying to profit. If you’re truly doing what you love, it’s not really work.
Essay by: Allison Mack
To keep up with Allison's adventures be sure to follow along!
Austin Moms Blog // Facebook // Instagram
Waco Moms Blog // Facebook // Instagram
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Carrie Maddux
Becoming A Mom
I always wanted to be a mom. I have often said that I felt my calling in life was to be a mom. I did not know how else to explain it.
In 2012, we welcomed our first baby girl. Although words couldn't describe my happiness, I was also plagued with postpartum blues, exhaustion, and adjusting to our new normal. Seriously, where are the parenting classes that teach you real life scenarios?
Once I settled into my new role as a stay at home mom, I realized it can be a bit isolating. There I was with everything I could possibly want. It was perfect on paper. Stay at home mom, loving husband, a healthy & beautiful newborn, but I felt alone on most days. So, I began to search for ways to get involved and have adult interaction.
Becoming an Austin Moms Blog Contributor
I quickly became a huge fan of Austin Moms Blog and followed their blogs from day one. I admired those women for being raw and sharing their real life mom moments. I noticed an open contributor call on Facebook one day and decided to apply for it. I always found writing to be very cathartic and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do something for myself. Fortunately, they invited me to be a contributor and I had no clue how it would impact my life. Writing gave me a purpose and I quickly gained a new “village” of women to call my friends.We welcomed our second baby girl in 2014 and I did not experience any of the postpartum blues or isolation like I did the first time. Having a purpose and a village truly makes a difference!
Becoming My Stronger Self
In early 2016, my husband went through a transition with his job and it pushed us close to rock bottom. I can say with every ounce of my being that our love for one another is unbreakable after going through that obstacle together. We both admitted that going through a tough transition and losing your main source of income can create a lot of stress on a marriage and your family unit. Money doesn’t make you happy, but it definitely makes life easier. We learned to lean on each other and our faith.
Even when times get tough, you still have to show up and be a parent. You still have to pretend like everything is okay because my two and four year old need me. Life lessons have a way of knocking you to your knees and allowing you to stand up stronger than ever before. I did not let many people know about our situation. I am the usual smile and say everything is good type person; however, I remained sane thanks to my village.
See the common theme here?
My friends will tell you that I kept begging for a sign. I needed God to plant that sign in my front yard in big bold letters. “Let Go and Let God” was my motto. In June 2016, we relocated to Oklahoma for a job opportunity. I cried many nights about losing my village and starting over again. It wasn't just my husband and myself starting over. We now had two young girls that were going through this with us, however; it was the “sign” and fresh start we prayed over. We survived a big move with two toddlers and settled into our new home.
Like I mentioned above, I always said my calling had something to do with being a mom, but I did not know why. I began searching for a local blog similar to Austin Moms Blog, but could not find anything.
I so desperately wanted to find a resource in our new city, but kept coming up short. That is when I decided to purchase and start Tulsa Moms Blog. I have been known to be impulsive at times, but this was taking a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Writing behind a computer is one thing, but owning my OWN business? It was exhilarating and nerve racking at the same time.
Starting Tulsa Moms Blog allowed me to connect moms on and offline in our community and provide a positive resource for moms in all stages of life. I was getting ready to launch the blog and we got some bad news about my husband’s new job. Yes, we relocated our entire family for this job. I’ll spare you all of the details, but Tulsa turned into one big disaster. We lost our main source of income AGAIN, we made an investment into my new venture, and barely moved into our new home. We decided we had nothing to lose at this point and my husband applied for his dream job in Waco, TX.
Waco has always been near and dear to our hearts, so it wasn’t as spontaneous as it might come across. After a month, we decided to write it off and focus our attention to more local jobs. Then, on a random Thursday afternoon he got the call. They wanted him to come in and apply for the position. We finally had a glimmer of hope and words cannot express our happiness when they hired him!
I put Tulsa Moms Blog on hold and we relocated to Waco last month.
Since moving to Waco, God has clearly planted all of the signs here. That large sign in big bold letter that I was praying for is planted here. I have never been tested this much to rely on the cliche phrase “God will always provide”, but he does indeed.
Mamas let me tell you, having your spouse or partner truly HAPPY with his career is life changing in itself.
While Tulsa Moms Blog did not ever come to fruition, be on the lookout for Waco Moms Blog.
I am proud to be a part of City Moms Blog Network and passionate about connecting local moms together.
At the end of the day, you cannot teach adaptability and my girls showed me tremendous grace this past year. They pushed me to be a stronger version of myself and accept challenges head on. I look back on my younger self who once felt like an isolated new mom and cannot help but laugh. Although that is how I felt at the time, I had no idea the wild ride I would be on years later. Everything truly happens for a reason.
Cheers to 2017!
Essay by: Carrie Maddux
You can connect with Carrie on Instagram , Facebook and at Waco Moms Blog
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide