Choices, Complacency, Bucket Lists And Worth
I wrote this six months ago, at the beginning of 2022. I can honestly say, it’s even more true now. I have learned to really settle into my life and be grateful for every moment. I truly am content, and it’s such a blessing.
I ordered this gift for Guapo and for us - to remind us that these are the days.
I want to share a personal story about how I have recently let go of a really big dream.
I felt pulled in two different directions from the moment I became a mom.
One direction was a career, and the other was home. And not just any career, a grand career, one where I would wield a microphone and energy in an arena, one where I would speak to thousands at a time. I have always felt like I was meant for great things, and those were great things.
When I arrived at UT as a freshman, I arrived with the thought that I was going to be "Pre-med." The fact that I hated math and science didn't matter, "Pre-med" was the fanciest, most applause-worthy thing a freshman could say – so that's what I said. I knew enough to know that I needed to play the game well, and that was the next right move. Then I figured out that I would have thousands of hours of math and science ahead of me, so I pivoted. I didn't know what I "wanted to be," so I picked the next fanciest, most applause-worthy thing, "Pre-law." Bless my 18-year-old heart. School started, and since I was in business school, all my friends were studying business, and they seemed fine, so I eventually chose – marketing.
And that's how a lot of my decisions have been made.
What's the fanciest, most applause-worthy thing? Then I point my toes in that direction.
It has always been an easy enough formula.
Sometimes I achieve it or get it, and sometimes I don't. When I reach it, I feel like, "okay, good, we're on track! We are doing this thing called LIFE." And when I don't achieve it, I think, "I'm not working hard enough, I need to try harder, maybe I don't have what it takes."
It's like my congratulatory self has never met my motivate by meanness self.
A few years ago, when we lived in Panama, I started to unravel all of this and become aware of my motivations. And one day, I was reading about one of my role models, and I was watching her wield a microphone and speak to thousands of women at a time, and I thought – I don't want to pay the price she is paying. I don't want to get on airplanes all the time; I don't want to be away from my kids like that; I don't want to strive in that way.
It was the first time I had ever thought anything but BE THE BEST, and it was weird. Was this how I felt or was I just lazy and complacent?
We moved back from Panama, and soon after, COVID hit, and the world turned upside down.
I became aware of how fragile life is. There was death and tragedy all around, and there was no rhyme or reason, no way to explain or justify it. Things were bad for some people and not for others, not because some people were bad – but because hurt and heartache knocks on all our doors. No one was exempt.
So I started to think, if I'm only here for a certain amount of time, if Guapo is only here for a certain amount of time, if my kids can be taken from me for no reason, I'd better make the most of the time I have with them.
This sounds morbid, but it's the truth. None of us are guaranteed a damn thing. In the blink of an eye, our lives could change.
Some of you know that Guapo deals with chronic illness, and these illnesses have pushed us to the brink many times. It's not something I share often and wouldn't share details about, but having this as part of our lives has significantly shaped us. It has made me stronger and more able than I ever thought I would have to be.
A few months into COVID, I had a business coach/astrology session, and during it, the coach asked me to envision myself on a stage, speaking to thousands of people. She asked me to imagine what I was wearing, how I felt, what it sounded like. And then she asked me, "How do you feel right now?" And I said, "I have a knot in my stomach." "Is it because you're scared of that moment?" "No," I replied. "But if I'm on stage, my kids are at home without me."
This is not to say that my experience is what everyone should or does feel; it's only to say that I feel.
On the one hand, I thought I was supposed to go after the fanciest and most applause-worthy thing, and on the other hand, I didn't want to pay the price for that thing. These were the two different directions, be a mom in the way I want or have a big fancy career.
A month ago, I was at a Christmas party, and I was meeting new friends, and after a bit of conversation, someone said, "You're the most interesting person I've met this year." "Thanks," and my heart swelled. "Thank you." And I started to think about my life.
I study what I love (soon, I'll be a marriage and family therapist!), I work with people I love through Bright Light; I am making a difference in people's hearts and within their families and homes. I love my husband; I have two kids I love and enjoy, a space heater for my feet underneath my desk, dark chocolate after the kids go to sleep, breath in my lungs – and sometimes even a fun nail polish color. I spend most of my time doing what I WANT to do, which is a huge blessing. But then… the different directions, no microphone, no arena. Is it a failure, complacency, or a choice?
A few weeks after the Christmas party, my family got sick from what we thought was COVID, and I was reminded of how fragile life is – again. It was Guapo's third time with COVID, Alexandra's second time, and Luci's first time. My heart was breaking, and I pleaded for guidance. And as God does, God sent me guidance in the form of Kate Bowler.
Kate Bowler is a professor of divinity at Duke and an author and podcaster. She writes from the perspective of a woman, wife, and mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She has dealt with heartbreak, tragedy, and grief and shares about it in a way that few do. During a podcast, she shared that she made a sign for her husband and son that said, YOU ARE MY BUCKET LIST. She wanted them to know that she loves them and wants to be WITH them.
So many times, we hear about bucket lists, and they are about traveling, building businesses, and physical challenges, not usually about relationships. Kate said that it was okay to center your life on people and relationships. What? Was that allowed? That's not fancy or applause-worthy; there's no arena or microphone; that's everyday life.
At that moment, the chasm that I felt for the entirety of my motherhood vanished. It's like someone was permitting me to love my home life, to be satisfied with my husband and kids and family.
Yes, I thought. This feels right.
I cried tears of relief, my shoulders dropped, and I settled into the notion that my life was good and it was okay for me not to want anything else, not to feel like there was a void.
I went home and shared it with Guapo. I told about Kate Bowler, and YOU ARE MY BUCKET LIST. And I told him that our life and our home were my bucket list and that I wanted to be with him. My head was lying on the pillow, tears ran sideways, and told him how I always thought that "people" (God knows who these people are because I couldn't name ONE, but PEOPLE) were going to think I chose motherhood as a copout, that I couldn't make it as a fancy applause-worthy person, so instead I focused on being a mom. I don't even remember what he replied because it was such a relief to get that out of my body where it has been rotting and festering. I let it all go.
I want our time together to be intentional, to matter. I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I missed it because I was lamenting some imaginary thing I thought I needed to do. What a shame it would be to miss all the blessings in front of me for a belief, for an expectation that I absorbed along the way. Instead, I choose to be present, satisfied, and even proud of my choice.
Beliefs are powerful; they can lift us or tear us down. They can make us feel good or make us feel crazy. It's scary to let go of the belief because it feels like a free fall, like," I've done it this way for so long, I can't afford to let it go." Or "what if my belief is true and I fall flat on my face, and people reject me?" "What if I let go of the belief, and I suffer the pain of not belonging?" I know these thoughts and how scary they can be.
For me, the scariest lie my ego tells me is, "What if I am ordinary? What if I am not special?" That one goes to the core for me. And so, letting that go was like letting go of a life vest and trusting that my ego is wrong and my true self can swim.
Further, it's like a way of saying, I am enough. My life is enough. What I give is enough. I am not worthy because of what I do; I am worthy because I am.
Friend, are you doing something FOR worth, or are you doing it FROM worth? FOR or FROM?
In my work with clients, I often teach from this vantage point. This is a staple in my teaching. And I teach it because I have worked through all sorts of layers of myself, figuring out why I do what I do and letting the unaligned parts slough off. But this one was a new frontier for me.
Sometimes these realizations take time and experience. I'm not sure I would have gotten here without a lot of heartaches. There's something so transformative about heartache; it makes you raw, vulnerable and connected. It pushes you to figure out what matters to you and why it matters, and it reminds you that life is precious. Could I have known this at 18 or 25? I don't think so, and that's okay; different lessons were learned then.
If you feel like you are being pulled in different directions, you're not alone. If you feel like fancy and applause-worthy things are the way to go for you, go for it; you're not alone. And if you feel like a quiet, patched-together life where you are in yoga pants and reading mushy books to your kids is for you, go for it; you're not alone. There is no one at the finish line handing out worthiness certificates; nothing we can do can MAKE us worthy. No degree, business, relationship, weight, or career can shift us into worthiness. The worthiness comes from the inside; it's the starting point. And good news, you're there. You're worthy because – you are.
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.
Shine your brightest,
Thank you, Madonna Badger
Sweet girls,
I have always been goal-oriented. Set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it. I am not a quitter, and so there isn’t much in my life that I have set out to do and not done.
In my 20s, I had exhilarating jobs. I was constantly around famous people, big events, and big revenue. What excited me as a 22-year-old didn’t faze me as a 25-year-old, and what excited me as a 25-year-old was a tiny blip on the screen as a 28-year-old. And that rhythm of constantly raising the excitement bar higher and higher was easy to continue. It felt good and fun!
At Vanessa’s Birthday Party
Skydiving
Rappelling off a 32 story building in downtown Austin
Each goal accomplished was a stepping-stone to a larger goal. I never took time to enjoy the accomplished goal; I just moved on to the next one. But that was okay because something great was always on the horizon. I was never fully present, but it wasn’t a big deal because I was busy, and it was fun.
In my mid 20’s I was regularly challenging my mind and body (running, skydiving, rappelling off buildings, Tough Muddering) , and working in spaces with people who were excellent. I worked at ACL-Live in downtown Austin and would get to be close to artists who were at the tippy top of their industry. Jay-Z, Aretha Franklin, Tim McGraw - it all became commonplace for me. When I say close, I mean — 10 people in the theatre while the artist does sound check — close. The night Aretha sang, she had a black duffle bag on stage. It was her money. She got paid in all cash and she watched her cash the whole show.
But when I became a mom, all the usual ways I felt excitement were no longer available to me. I had left my jobs and was a stay-at-home mom. I worked inside the home, and there was no excitement to be had—anywhere. I was forced to take stock and evaluate my priorities and my lifestyle.
It was an uncomfortable process. There were many days when I felt deep sadness and loss for the person I had been and the life I’d led. I missed being a career woman. I missed being busy. I missed the excitement. I missed creating revenue. I missed earning income.
Early on in motherhood, in late 2014, I stumbled upon an interview. Oprah Winfrey was interviewing Madonna Badger.
Madonna Badger with Oprah - Source The Today Show
Ms. Badger was explaining her story of unimaginable loss. On Christmas Day 2011, her house caught on fire and burned to the ground. Everyone in it died except her and her boyfriend. Inside the house were her three darling children, Grace, Sarah, and Lily and her parents, Lomer and Pauline Johnson.
Ms. Badger was a high-powered executive in New York City, and she talked about how things might have been “if [she] would have known.” If she had known that the big projects and the late nights never really mattered, she would have focused more on her girls. If she had known that she could have bought a farmhouse in Arkansas and lived a simple life on a farm, that it all would have been okay, she would have done that.
My interpretation of her words and story was that the high-powered job is no trade for a safe, beautiful family life. Her story shot like a bullet to my spirit and changed my perspective.
After hearing her story, and her wisdom gained through tragedy, I started to let go of my version of excitement and began to learn how to be present.
Until I started to have a family, being present (literally and figuratively) wasn’t a priority.
And so, my choice from early on was that I would be the best mother and wife I could be and that my career would get the rest. And so, when it comes to my career, I give it all I’ve got—after I’ve given my family all I’ve got.
As a wife and a mom, I’ve learned that to be present is to create a holy space. To be fully aware, to be still and calm, and radiate love and light—this requires constant vigilance of energy: mental, physical, and spiritual.
Do I think I could accomplish more in my career? Yes, I do.
Does it sting a little when I see others advancing? Yes, it does.
Do I think my choice is for everyone? No.
But do I want to trade accomplishing a bigger goal for not being able to be there with and for my family? Not a chance.
I carry Ms. Badger, Sarah, Grace, and Lily, and her parents, Lomer and Pauline, with me in my heart. Their story, their experience informed my life, and yours.
I love you, Mama
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Nina Berenato
“I always tell aspiring jewelry makers to be ready for the long haul. The expectations of what it is to run a small business are skewed. I didn’t have a store until I worked behind the scenes and ran uphill for eight years. I equate it a lot to boxing, you have to take a lot of hits and stay in the ring. ”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Nina is one of them.
Enjoy Nina’s story of becoming. I am a HUGE fan of Nina’s. I love her jewelry, I own 3-4 pieces. I have given her jewelry as gifts, I’ve donated to her Paypal when things got tough during COVID, I truly think she is an amazing person and that she makes the world a better place. She is bright and hard-working and cares about the greater good. Nina is truly an inspiration for me. Please welcome, Nina.
Nina Berenato of Nina Berenato Jewelry
Tell us a little bit about yourself:
I'm a 33-year-old jewelry designer based in Austin, TX. I was born and raised in St.Louis, Missouri, and moved to New York shortly after college. That's where I started jewelry making as an apprentice under a master metalsmith for six years. I moved to Texas about five years ago and have been slowly growing my jewelry business ever since.
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
One of the foundational parts of my personality is that if I see something that feels wrong, I can't just stand by and watch. This means I get involved, and I often speak out or try to make a change in the world. Every time I do this, I feel fear because I know that I am putting myself on the chopping block. There will always be someone out there who thinks you aren't doing enough or aren't going about things the way they would. I believe this stops a lot of people from standing up for things when their gut tells them they should. From internet bullying to confronting me in person, I have had it all, but I don't let that stop me from sticking up for my beliefs. I have always wanted to be a person that changed the world in a positive way, and that has always been my dream, so I have to encounter and defeat fear all of the time to do that.
How did it feel getting started?
Getting started with my business was pretty easy for me because I am an artist, and I started slow. My business evolved into what it is now, slowly over 11 years. I definitely didn't start out knowing I would be where I am today. I always did know that I wanted to have my own fashion business, and I was always excited to create. I love metalsmithing, so once I started learning that - I knew I always wanted that to be a part of my life. I struggled financially for so long within my business and kept another full-time job for the first seven years in business, so it was a lot of work and a lot of sacrificing material things for my art. But it felt good because I was doing what I loved.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started handcrafting jewelry and creating a business?
Most of the obstacles I faced centered around making mistakes because I didn't have a lot of knowledge about finance, business, etc. I learned quickly, but I had to make mistakes to learn the lesson. For example, I spent the first seven years in business pricing my product incorrectly. I accepted many terms with other businesses I worked with that were not in my favor etc. So I had to go through that to learn the lesson and evolve. There's no handbook for the business I created. Not only do we manufacture our product, but we sell other maker's work, so my business is two-fold. I have a brick-and-mortar that I run an online store and we sell wholesale. So I had to try on all those hats and figure out all the ins and outs of all those branches before I could really take-off. And I am still learning and still making mistakes.
What motivates you to continue growing and investing in your business, Nina Berenato Jewelry?
The biggest motivator for me is being able to create an environment where people are really happy, My three employees are really happy when they come to work, and they have fun and feel supported. My customers feel more powerful when they wear my jewelry. I can teach others jewelry making, which gives them a creative outlet. I teach business skills to other aspiring women so they can learn from my mistakes and lead happier, more successful lives. I can use the small amount of buying power I have in my one little shop to support other women makers and artists, therefore improving their lives. So really, just making the world better for the women around me in whatever little ways I can.
Which living person do you most admire?
I most admire my mom. She is definitely where I get my generous spirit from, and she is the ultimate giver. We are getting a lot closer as I get older, and I am enjoying that and appreciating her more and more.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I would love to be able to do other types of art. People assume that because I am great at jewelry making that I can do all types of art, like drawing or painting, but definitely NOT. I wish I could draw ad paint, do collage, or make stained glass, but as of today, my artistic ability begins and ends with jewelry.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably my creativity. I have a talent for coming up with something out of nothing, be it a new design idea, a way to give back, a marketing plan. I can just come up with creative ways to do things out of nowhere.
What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?
My motto is "Leap and the net will appear."
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
I am most proud to have my three employees who work for me. Building a staff is important to me, and providing them with a place where they enjoy working and can thrive has been something that's made me proud.
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in the mud?
I love to be knee-deep in mud because I love a challenge, but when I feel exhausted, I shut off all my social media and emails and watch trash TV, like 90 Day Fiance, and I just zone out for a few hours.
What's one piece of advice you'd give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
I always tell aspiring jewelry makers to be ready for the long haul. The expectations of what it is to run a small business are skewed. I didn't have a store until I worked behind the scenes and ran uphill for eight years. I equate it a lot to boxing, you have to take a lot of hits and stay in the ring. My business has grown to this level because I always kept everything small. I put everything back into the company, and I still make each piece of jewelry myself, so I always try to show aspiring jewelry designers a realistic picture. You're going to have to work for it and work long and hard, so get yourself mentally ready first. Invest in a therapist, train your mind and your body so that you can push through.
What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?
Stop drinking alcohol. When I got into my thirties, I changed my habits a lot, and one of those was drinking alcohol. I will drink maybe 2-3 times a year. It's done wonders for me, and I wish I would have had the courage to do it sooner.
You can connect with Nina and shop her empowering pieces on:
Instagram , Facebook and her website - NinaBerenato.com
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Inez Natalia
“I believe there’s no other love and connection can be more powerful than the one between parent and child. That’s the foundation for all relationships. The emotional blueprint for how we see the world. Raising a kind, strong, resilient, and loving child is rooted in the parent-child connection. And it starts from the inner connection within the parents.”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere and Inez is one of them.
Inez and I met through Dr. Shefali’s Conscious Coaching Institute, and it was friendship at first sight! Inez is wise and loving and so smart! She’s beautiful and kind and willing to sit and listen with her whole heart. She truly is an angel and transformative. I’m lucky to call her a friend! Please welcome, Inez.
Inez Natalia of Inner Mother Power
Tell us a little bit about yourself:
I'm the Founder of Inner Mother Power and a certified Conscious (Re)Parenting Coach.
Inner Mother Power is a movement. She’s me, she’s you, she’s all the women who are brave to say “Nope, no more!” to the deep-seeded cultural conditioning of a mother, and instead, start reconnecting to their deep inner knowing.
The conditioned role of a mother is colored with fear, over worry, anxiety, and control…While the true Inner Mother Power is wise, knowing, trusting, listening, connecting, nurturing authenticity, guiding, empowering, and liberating..
In Inner Mother Power, We believe when a mother liberates herself, she also liberates her children’s children. We envision a world where more mothers can show up daily following their innate knowing, peace, wisdom, and power, so they can be wise guides to their children for the rest of their lives. And that’s what drives us, showing up, every single day.
I help mothers reconnect with their inner power, break the reactivity-shame-guilt cycle, so they can access inner peace & joy in parenting.
I'm also an accidental author and an Entrepreneur.
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
Tough question!
My life has been always about "feeling scared, but I did it anyway" - writing and publishing a book, starting a podcast, becoming a conscious parenting coach, moving my whole life to a foreign country to lead an international NGO, and now THIS: being an Entrepreneur
But NONE of them was a life-long dream.
It's funny how these "dreams" just keep unfolding in a mysterious way. Every step of the way. Not a grand vision, but a tiny cue from the benevolent universe: just take this one courageous step. A leap of faith.
How did it feel getting started?
I still remember the first time I heard about Conscious Parenting.
And how it finally all makes sense to me. It gave me all the answers I need...
Growing up, I understand how all parents always want the best for their children. But despite their best intentions, inevitable wounds are created and the connection is obstructed. The confusion is real. As if parents and children speak different languages.
And now, I understand why and how this happens. Even to those parents who swore they'd raise their children differently.
I believe there’s no other love and connection can be more powerful than the one between parent and child. That’s the foundation for all relationships. The emotional blueprint for how we see the world. Raising a kind, strong, resilient, and loving child is rooted in the parent-child connection. And it starts from the inner connection within the parents.
Being a Conscious (re)Parenting Coach, as a non-parent, was very doubting at first.
The continuous inner chatter:
"Who am I?" "I'm not yet a mother, they won't trust me" "I shouldn't share on my own childhood experience, it would hurt my parents."
But then, the calling was so strong, loud, and clear, I couldn't resist.
Everything points to the same direction: to turn my pain into a gift. Embarking on this journey of healing and evolution, while supporting others to do the same. To give the opportunity for parents and children, to have the sacred connection that they deserve.
For parents to heal and break free, for children to grow up authentically, to be their own person.
To heal the world, one parent, one child at a time.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started?
The mental chatter, being so hard on myself, past traumas, continuous self-doubt, having too much fun with work and deprioritized self-care.
Which living person do you most admire?
Michelle Obama
What is your most marked characteristic?
Gentle compassion, courage, deep, empathy, self-awareness, Resilience
What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?
"Everything happens, perfectly, the way it's supposed to be" - Srikumar Rao
You are enough, as you are. As enough as you've been, and as enough as you will be.
Everything you're looking for is already within you.
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?:
* Being a country director of an international NGO abroad at the age of 23
* Learning how to ride a bicycle at the age of 25! and nailed it
* Packed my bag and moved my whole life to Bali which led me to
* Wrote & published a book at the age of 26 and met my life, love, and growth partner
* Co-created the highest-rated online parenting course with Dr. Shefali, helped thousands of parents healing their relationship with their children.
* Started a podcast,
* Became a conscious (re)parenting coach,
* Being an Entrepreneur
* Started Inner Mother Power
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in mud?
Going back to my breath. To honor all feelings, to allow, hold safe space for me, like how I can hold safe space for others.
To remember every single thing is impermanent. Both joy and pain. Enter the present moment fully.
Go to nature, to reconnect to the inner source, the boundless, limitless power within.
And to take just ONE baby step.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Follow where joy and faith lead you to.
Take that one clumsy baby step. Every single day.
And just play with it. There's magic in it all.
What is one piece of advice you would give your 20 year old self?
Take that adventure. Follow where courage is.
Try something new, fail more, fail early. Embrace mistakes.
Play. Remember to always Play.
Hi! I'm Inez
I've always wanted to be a mom. The kind of mom who isn’t only a parent, but a best friend to the kid. Gilmore Girls was one of my all-time favorite series. My ultimate fantasy of an ideal parent-child relationship.
Oh, I wish it could be that simple.
Growing up, I understood that all parents always want the best for their children. But despite their best intentions, inevitable wounds are created and the connection is obstructed. The confusion is real. As if parents and children speak different languages.
I believe there’s no other love and connection can be more powerful than the one between parent and child. That’s the foundation for all relationships. The emotional blueprint for how we see the world. Raising a kind, strong, resilient, and loving child is rooted in the parent-child connection. And it starts from the inner connection within the parents.
This is what brought me into conscious parenting, where I found the answer I was looking for.
I'm here to support your growth journey
I know how hard parenting is, and for this reason, I am in awe of your courage to embark on a process of change and transformation.
I was trained and certified by Dr. Shefali in her Conscious Coaching Institute. Oprah has endorsed her approach as revolutionary and life-changing. Integrating Eastern philosophy and Western psychology, conscious parenting changes people's lives - now and for generations to come.
Trained in her methodology, I help individuals, couples, and parents to renew their connection with both themselves and their children. I guide parents to see their generational patterns, to heal their inner children, and to re-parent themselves. With compassion and joy, I bring back the power to the parents.
I truly believe everyone has all the answers within and there’s nothing to fix. You just need a safe space to be awakened.
You can reach out and connect with Inez on her website, her podcast - Start Here to Connect
Inez offers a Free Community, Safe Space for Evolving Moms, and a [Free Practical Guidebook] Get 5 Free Tools to Turn Parenting Chaos into Inner Peace, download now:
She’s also teaching and coaching on Facebook and Instagram!
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Wisdom Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Sonya Holmgaard
“Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING. ”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Sonya is one of them.
Enjoy Sonya’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about persistence and growing and enthusiasm!!! Please welcome, Sonya.
WAVE NUMBER 1
When I was a junior in high school, I met this very handsome man I immediately knew I would marry. 17 years this December. He struggled with a drug addiction that I was not aware of. I knew bits and pieces and would find things, but I was oblivious to what was going on for the most part. When I found out he would be spending 2 ½ years in a Federal Penitentiary, I was already months along with our first child. I watched him get sentenced wearing shackles and chains around his hands and feet while trying to hold myself emotionally together, not only for myself but also to keep my stress levels down and for my unborn baby's well-being.
I didn't know how strong I was then until years later. I worked two jobs and made the trip to Yankton, South Dakota, to visit him almost every weekend with my husband's grandparents or mother. I had very few friends and kept myself busy getting ready for the baby, worked, and prayed a lot. Our first child was born, and I was allowed to make a phone call to the prison to report our first baby girl's news. The hospital refused to let me put her father's name on the birth certificate for my daughter. Instead, they put dashes where his name should have been. From the beginning, even though the struggle I knew I would face, I never had any intentions to leave my husband because I knew we were to be together forever, no matter what. I knew he was my soul mate and his struggle in life was no reason to abandon him. I loved him and wasn't going anywhere.
Shortly after his sentence and before our first child, we were married privately in a small jail before being transferred to federal prison. We said I do behind glass while a local priest who was against our marriage announced our union. I cried as I messed up one of the lines the priest prompted me to say, and he scoffed at me. When I say he was against, I mean he was against it and treated us like it. Regardless, we were married, and I was in it till death do us part. I was prepared. No matter what anybody said, and they did say a lot. Others wanted me to leave him and have a "real life."
Eventually, I was allowed to bring our baby girl to the prison so her dad could see her for the first time. This was before he was transferred, so it was only an hour from where I live. I proudly held her up to the glass window for daddy to see his perfect little lady. She showed off her crooked pinkies just like his and her nose that was just like mine. That was tough. That was a sad day but also a happy day because we both loved her so much. Years later, I visited Alcatraz prison in California and had a mini-breakdown seeing the visiting area where families would visit through glass windows and use a phone to talk to each other. They probably held up their hands, and that's how they "held hands" between an inch and a half of Plexiglas. Seeing that Visitor area was challenging for me. And even harder, I knew my husband would not be able to hold his daughter. Tough. Very tough. Hard. VERY HARD.
Years later, I came back to this very prison to visit a cousin who was in trouble for drugs. My cousin boasted to his counselor about how my husband made it out and has a good life and that he knew there was a way to have another chance. The same room with the same glass window where I brought my daughter as a baby to see her daddy through the glass was in the background. Visitor room number 5. I noticed it when we walked in and pushed the feelings aside and later sat with the feelings as we drove home. It wasn't so hard this time. This time I let the feelings come. I dealt with them and thanked God for my daughter growing up into a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent woman that will not be stopped by any history our family has in the past.
The day we got to go pick up my husband, there was a party going on in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. He had worked hard and studied and learned to weld and was ready to come home. He did all the things he was supposed to do and more. In the Bible, he found himself in good people in finding a skill that he knew he could apply at a good job when he got home. By the grace of God, he had a family member there that had already almost served years of his life for drugs as well and had made a HUGE shift and change in his life to do better, and he took my husband under his wing and helped him find the way down the right path. When we all walked out of the prison doors, he kept looking behind him. It was a strange feeling for him to walk out those doors. Things were new and different, and things had changed in the big world.
AND BAM! I was pregnant, just like that with our second child. We had a small marriage ceremony that September, and I was six months pregnant in David's bridal red and white dress tailored for my swollen pregnant belly. Life was good. Years went by, and we fought a lot and made up a lot, and our marriage was tested. But as we got older, we grew more and more in love and understanding of each other. Luckily my daughter was young enough she doesn't remember, and by the time we had our second child, my husband was HOME; I'm thankful for that. WE MADE IT, and we are all right.
WAVE NUMBER 2
WAVE number 2 was coming, and I had no idea. A TSUNAMI. With no warning. And here it is. I'm just going to come out with it. My nephew was shaken by his father so severely that he almost died. He is now blind, unable to walk, unable to talk, never run, will never see, and will never have all the chances that many other kids get. We spent countless nights in a tiny family waiting room and slept in chairs and couches made out of cement, I swear. It was my job every day to wake up and make sure my sister ate so she could keep going. We were allowed to see my nephew but only with CPS breathing down our necks while they investigated. CPS took my sister alone into a room and interrogated her without my knowledge until I found out where she was and ever so kindly burst in to sit with her and hold her hand, so she wasn't alone. At the time, I didn't know how strong I was. I went through the movements to protect my sister, and even though my body went through the motions, I wasn't there; I was in another world trying to scramble and pick up the pieces from this giant confetti bomb the size of the world that just went off.
I was placed with temporary custody of my other nephew as none of the children were no longer allowed to be in my sister's care until things were straightened out. AND THE PART I COULDN'T LIVE WITH FOR A LONG TIME…I was asked to take my baby nephew, who was shaken home after they released him, and I SAID NO. I SAID NO because I had my own two kids, at the time 2-year-old nephew I had just taken custody of (and I was upfront about my husband's past…Luckily DHS let me have my nephew). I had planned on taking on my sister's other two children that were older. Eventually, their dad fought me over and ended up getting for a while. So I was planning on raising my two-year-old nephew, my own two kids, and my sister's older two kids for as long as I needed to. 5 KIDS! At the time, I didn't know it, but I took on only what I could handle. My nephew, who was shaken, was placed with my other sister, who happened to be a foster parent. I let him go there because I didn't think I would be able to take care of all the kids and get my hurt nephew to where he needed to be for hospital surgeries and care. It was going to be a long, long haul for him. I didn't think I had it in me to be strong enough to carry all that battle. I felt I could handle only so much.
About a year and a half goes by, and I am BEATING MYSELF UP EVERY DAY for not taking my nephew, who was hurt. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. DESTROYED. FELT WORTHLESS. WHAT KIND OF AN AUNT WAS I? Like how could I take on the other kids and not my poor helpless baby nephew who needed me? DEPRESSION BIG TIME. LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. DONE. WAS A WASTE OF SPACE. I WISHED IT WERE ME AND NOT MY BABY NEPHEW. I would have done ANYTHING TO TAKE HIS SPOT. So he could have a chance. So he could have a LIFE.
BUT…..
I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF THAT DARK PLACE.
I kept pouring myself into my sister's kids and my own. EVERY WAKING second was ABOUT THEM. They were well-loved and taken care of and still are.
Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING.
When my nephew was released with my other sister who took him, there were many months of grueling court battles and even a court hearing for a chance for the father of my nephew, who I had custody of to fight for him….he didn't….I was CRUSHED for him. That was a punch in the gut. I wouldn't have given him up anyway, but it was hard to hear he was done with this beautiful little Hawaiian tanned baby boy that has a smile bigger than the sun. I continued my workout journey and even got my nephew up at 5 am with me as a workout buddy and got him his milk and blanky while he laid and watched cartoons before I took him to daycare.
At the time, I Didn't know HOW STRONG I WAS.
Years later, I FORGAVE MYSELF.
FOR NOT TAKING MY HURT NEPHEW. I took YEARS to let it go. YEARS.
I went to the gulf shores, woke up before the sunrise. And that day, I decided it was time. I ran 3 miles. Then watched the sun come up, then laid in the saltwater, went under…
AND LET IT GO. I forgave myself and let it go to GOD. He took all my weight and my burden of NOT BEING ENOUGH. Up into the sky went my unanswered questions. I know now that I will never know things. Like why adults hurt small children. Why things happen that break your heart into a million pieces. Why you try to protect your loved ones, but sometimes you just can't. I let these questions GO.
And without taking any time or any love away from my children and my sister's children and my family. I poured into myself. I finally felt myself becoming stronger. Not only mentally or physically with my health journey but spiritually. I felt closer to God, and I felt my purpose. I found myself, and even though I didn't know it through all of these hardships, I WAS strong, and I was ENOUGH. I was doing everything I could and more.
Then we had to put our beloved dog Zombie down because she was sick with cancer and could no longer control her bladder. This ROCKED our family. DEVASTATED our kids. She was their best friend, and it was tough for them and all of us.
Then we lost my father in law and it was brutal on my husband and my kids, then we lost my stepfather, which I took very hard, then six months later, my biological mother got breast cancer and had to have a breast removed. There wasn't much time to recover in between blows or, as I like to call them ….waves. Our world was ROCKED, and our boat was tipping. Our boat was tipping A LOT.
AND
Speaking of waves….
WAVE NUMBER 3
Which are currently becoming whitecaps out in the stormy sea as we speak and getting ready to rock my white sandy beaches.
We have a family member who is currently missing and without getting into too much detail because I feel it would be unfair to the rest of this family at this time…we believe there was foul play involved. We are all dangling at the biggest edge of the biggest cliff, right now as we speak. We don't entirely know what is coming our way, but we have an idea, and we WILL UNITE, and WE WILL persevere, and WE WILL hold hands and come together and be gentle with each other and do whatever it is we have to do. And I believe I am strong enough to help my family through this wave. We pray still it won't turn out badly, and we are holding on by that little tiny thread of light just to get us through. But even so. I know there is always going to be a light. A big bright one with the Lord in the middle, and I believe we will be ok.
I've had three flat tires in a month, one car in the shop twice to be repaired, and my brand new 20,000 camper just flooded. I have two teenaged children…one that likes to push limits and scare the holy bejesus out of me in the middle of the night and test all the waters… and just literally called me to tell me her battery is dead…yes, that's the car that has been in the shop twice. Oh yeah, and there is also a worldwide pandemic and riots going on. But I still get up every single day, flip on my camera, say hi to the world, and do what I love doing. Helping others find that CLICK, that LIGHTBULB, that FIRE in the pit of their stomachs to change and put the work in - better themselves. I laugh a little each time I get phone calls now when it's about flat tires and car repairs, and my daughter needs a ride from 2 towns away on a Sunday night, and it's 8 pm. I laugh because these are small things that used to piss me off. But now I see them as easy small little ripple waves.
There will be more BIG waves, and there will be smaller ripple waves. And I won't be ready. I will be stronger this time around, and even if I have to drop to my knees again and again. I will get up, and I will be ok. There have been other waves before these, but I feel that those waters have calmed and smoothed out, but that doesn't mean I still don't carry the scars. I've just steadied my boat.
Now I will never treat myself with unkind words. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with hard things, I talk to myself and say… You're all right…you are all right… you're ok…. until I center. I will always put myself first to be the best possible me for my family and GOD. I no longer think of parts of my life as a nightmare but rather a season of growing and learning. I thank God for the years my husband had to grow and become a stronger father and person…without those years locked away, this could be a different story. I praise God my children were so young that they don't remember things that might have crushed them. And I believe wholeheartedly one hundred percent that people change. I believe most people are good. I believe in families sticking together; I believe that you have it in you to get through some very tough waves and battles in life, just like my family and I did and are doing still. I believe that you are tougher than you think. I believe God made us all strong. I believe change can be beautiful. If you look at things in a different light, you will see the sun where shadows once were. I also believe you need the dark, and that is a part of life. I believe that I am 36 years old, and my story is far from over. I believe in between these waves; we have the best of memories as well….kayaking, long sunny days at the lake grilling food and swimming, 16th birthdays, learners permits, family get-togethers for nieces and nephews…the ones at my sisters are the best!...new jobs, working together as a family on the house remodel, bike rides, watching sunsets on the front porch, and just waking up every single day and having each other. And I believe that no matter what, I'll always be ok. And so will you.
-"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."-JON KABAT-ZINN
Wave #4…to be continued…
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.