Courage to Become | Nina Berenato
“I always tell aspiring jewelry makers to be ready for the long haul. The expectations of what it is to run a small business are skewed. I didn’t have a store until I worked behind the scenes and ran uphill for eight years. I equate it a lot to boxing, you have to take a lot of hits and stay in the ring. ”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Nina is one of them.
Enjoy Nina’s story of becoming. I am a HUGE fan of Nina’s. I love her jewelry, I own 3-4 pieces. I have given her jewelry as gifts, I’ve donated to her Paypal when things got tough during COVID, I truly think she is an amazing person and that she makes the world a better place. She is bright and hard-working and cares about the greater good. Nina is truly an inspiration for me. Please welcome, Nina.
Nina Berenato of Nina Berenato Jewelry
Tell us a little bit about yourself:
I'm a 33-year-old jewelry designer based in Austin, TX. I was born and raised in St.Louis, Missouri, and moved to New York shortly after college. That's where I started jewelry making as an apprentice under a master metalsmith for six years. I moved to Texas about five years ago and have been slowly growing my jewelry business ever since.
What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?
One of the foundational parts of my personality is that if I see something that feels wrong, I can't just stand by and watch. This means I get involved, and I often speak out or try to make a change in the world. Every time I do this, I feel fear because I know that I am putting myself on the chopping block. There will always be someone out there who thinks you aren't doing enough or aren't going about things the way they would. I believe this stops a lot of people from standing up for things when their gut tells them they should. From internet bullying to confronting me in person, I have had it all, but I don't let that stop me from sticking up for my beliefs. I have always wanted to be a person that changed the world in a positive way, and that has always been my dream, so I have to encounter and defeat fear all of the time to do that.
How did it feel getting started?
Getting started with my business was pretty easy for me because I am an artist, and I started slow. My business evolved into what it is now, slowly over 11 years. I definitely didn't start out knowing I would be where I am today. I always did know that I wanted to have my own fashion business, and I was always excited to create. I love metalsmithing, so once I started learning that - I knew I always wanted that to be a part of my life. I struggled financially for so long within my business and kept another full-time job for the first seven years in business, so it was a lot of work and a lot of sacrificing material things for my art. But it felt good because I was doing what I loved.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started handcrafting jewelry and creating a business?
Most of the obstacles I faced centered around making mistakes because I didn't have a lot of knowledge about finance, business, etc. I learned quickly, but I had to make mistakes to learn the lesson. For example, I spent the first seven years in business pricing my product incorrectly. I accepted many terms with other businesses I worked with that were not in my favor etc. So I had to go through that to learn the lesson and evolve. There's no handbook for the business I created. Not only do we manufacture our product, but we sell other maker's work, so my business is two-fold. I have a brick-and-mortar that I run an online store and we sell wholesale. So I had to try on all those hats and figure out all the ins and outs of all those branches before I could really take-off. And I am still learning and still making mistakes.
What motivates you to continue growing and investing in your business, Nina Berenato Jewelry?
The biggest motivator for me is being able to create an environment where people are really happy, My three employees are really happy when they come to work, and they have fun and feel supported. My customers feel more powerful when they wear my jewelry. I can teach others jewelry making, which gives them a creative outlet. I teach business skills to other aspiring women so they can learn from my mistakes and lead happier, more successful lives. I can use the small amount of buying power I have in my one little shop to support other women makers and artists, therefore improving their lives. So really, just making the world better for the women around me in whatever little ways I can.
Which living person do you most admire?
I most admire my mom. She is definitely where I get my generous spirit from, and she is the ultimate giver. We are getting a lot closer as I get older, and I am enjoying that and appreciating her more and more.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I would love to be able to do other types of art. People assume that because I am great at jewelry making that I can do all types of art, like drawing or painting, but definitely NOT. I wish I could draw ad paint, do collage, or make stained glass, but as of today, my artistic ability begins and ends with jewelry.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably my creativity. I have a talent for coming up with something out of nothing, be it a new design idea, a way to give back, a marketing plan. I can just come up with creative ways to do things out of nowhere.
What is your motto? A message that motivates you or helps you along?
My motto is "Leap and the net will appear."
What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
I am most proud to have my three employees who work for me. Building a staff is important to me, and providing them with a place where they enjoy working and can thrive has been something that's made me proud.
What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee-deep in the mud?
I love to be knee-deep in mud because I love a challenge, but when I feel exhausted, I shut off all my social media and emails and watch trash TV, like 90 Day Fiance, and I just zone out for a few hours.
What's one piece of advice you'd give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
I always tell aspiring jewelry makers to be ready for the long haul. The expectations of what it is to run a small business are skewed. I didn't have a store until I worked behind the scenes and ran uphill for eight years. I equate it a lot to boxing, you have to take a lot of hits and stay in the ring. My business has grown to this level because I always kept everything small. I put everything back into the company, and I still make each piece of jewelry myself, so I always try to show aspiring jewelry designers a realistic picture. You're going to have to work for it and work long and hard, so get yourself mentally ready first. Invest in a therapist, train your mind and your body so that you can push through.
What is one piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?
Stop drinking alcohol. When I got into my thirties, I changed my habits a lot, and one of those was drinking alcohol. I will drink maybe 2-3 times a year. It's done wonders for me, and I wish I would have had the courage to do it sooner.
You can connect with Nina and shop her empowering pieces on:
Instagram , Facebook and her website - NinaBerenato.com
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Sonya Holmgaard
“Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING. ”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Sonya is one of them.
Enjoy Sonya’s story of becoming. I watch her on social media and admire the way she is so passionate about health and wellness for herself, and for her community. I have learned so much from her about persistence and growing and enthusiasm!!! Please welcome, Sonya.
WAVE NUMBER 1
When I was a junior in high school, I met this very handsome man I immediately knew I would marry. 17 years this December. He struggled with a drug addiction that I was not aware of. I knew bits and pieces and would find things, but I was oblivious to what was going on for the most part. When I found out he would be spending 2 ½ years in a Federal Penitentiary, I was already months along with our first child. I watched him get sentenced wearing shackles and chains around his hands and feet while trying to hold myself emotionally together, not only for myself but also to keep my stress levels down and for my unborn baby's well-being.
I didn't know how strong I was then until years later. I worked two jobs and made the trip to Yankton, South Dakota, to visit him almost every weekend with my husband's grandparents or mother. I had very few friends and kept myself busy getting ready for the baby, worked, and prayed a lot. Our first child was born, and I was allowed to make a phone call to the prison to report our first baby girl's news. The hospital refused to let me put her father's name on the birth certificate for my daughter. Instead, they put dashes where his name should have been. From the beginning, even though the struggle I knew I would face, I never had any intentions to leave my husband because I knew we were to be together forever, no matter what. I knew he was my soul mate and his struggle in life was no reason to abandon him. I loved him and wasn't going anywhere.
Shortly after his sentence and before our first child, we were married privately in a small jail before being transferred to federal prison. We said I do behind glass while a local priest who was against our marriage announced our union. I cried as I messed up one of the lines the priest prompted me to say, and he scoffed at me. When I say he was against, I mean he was against it and treated us like it. Regardless, we were married, and I was in it till death do us part. I was prepared. No matter what anybody said, and they did say a lot. Others wanted me to leave him and have a "real life."
Eventually, I was allowed to bring our baby girl to the prison so her dad could see her for the first time. This was before he was transferred, so it was only an hour from where I live. I proudly held her up to the glass window for daddy to see his perfect little lady. She showed off her crooked pinkies just like his and her nose that was just like mine. That was tough. That was a sad day but also a happy day because we both loved her so much. Years later, I visited Alcatraz prison in California and had a mini-breakdown seeing the visiting area where families would visit through glass windows and use a phone to talk to each other. They probably held up their hands, and that's how they "held hands" between an inch and a half of Plexiglas. Seeing that Visitor area was challenging for me. And even harder, I knew my husband would not be able to hold his daughter. Tough. Very tough. Hard. VERY HARD.
Years later, I came back to this very prison to visit a cousin who was in trouble for drugs. My cousin boasted to his counselor about how my husband made it out and has a good life and that he knew there was a way to have another chance. The same room with the same glass window where I brought my daughter as a baby to see her daddy through the glass was in the background. Visitor room number 5. I noticed it when we walked in and pushed the feelings aside and later sat with the feelings as we drove home. It wasn't so hard this time. This time I let the feelings come. I dealt with them and thanked God for my daughter growing up into a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent woman that will not be stopped by any history our family has in the past.
The day we got to go pick up my husband, there was a party going on in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. He had worked hard and studied and learned to weld and was ready to come home. He did all the things he was supposed to do and more. In the Bible, he found himself in good people in finding a skill that he knew he could apply at a good job when he got home. By the grace of God, he had a family member there that had already almost served years of his life for drugs as well and had made a HUGE shift and change in his life to do better, and he took my husband under his wing and helped him find the way down the right path. When we all walked out of the prison doors, he kept looking behind him. It was a strange feeling for him to walk out those doors. Things were new and different, and things had changed in the big world.
AND BAM! I was pregnant, just like that with our second child. We had a small marriage ceremony that September, and I was six months pregnant in David's bridal red and white dress tailored for my swollen pregnant belly. Life was good. Years went by, and we fought a lot and made up a lot, and our marriage was tested. But as we got older, we grew more and more in love and understanding of each other. Luckily my daughter was young enough she doesn't remember, and by the time we had our second child, my husband was HOME; I'm thankful for that. WE MADE IT, and we are all right.
WAVE NUMBER 2
WAVE number 2 was coming, and I had no idea. A TSUNAMI. With no warning. And here it is. I'm just going to come out with it. My nephew was shaken by his father so severely that he almost died. He is now blind, unable to walk, unable to talk, never run, will never see, and will never have all the chances that many other kids get. We spent countless nights in a tiny family waiting room and slept in chairs and couches made out of cement, I swear. It was my job every day to wake up and make sure my sister ate so she could keep going. We were allowed to see my nephew but only with CPS breathing down our necks while they investigated. CPS took my sister alone into a room and interrogated her without my knowledge until I found out where she was and ever so kindly burst in to sit with her and hold her hand, so she wasn't alone. At the time, I didn't know how strong I was. I went through the movements to protect my sister, and even though my body went through the motions, I wasn't there; I was in another world trying to scramble and pick up the pieces from this giant confetti bomb the size of the world that just went off.
I was placed with temporary custody of my other nephew as none of the children were no longer allowed to be in my sister's care until things were straightened out. AND THE PART I COULDN'T LIVE WITH FOR A LONG TIME…I was asked to take my baby nephew, who was shaken home after they released him, and I SAID NO. I SAID NO because I had my own two kids, at the time 2-year-old nephew I had just taken custody of (and I was upfront about my husband's past…Luckily DHS let me have my nephew). I had planned on taking on my sister's other two children that were older. Eventually, their dad fought me over and ended up getting for a while. So I was planning on raising my two-year-old nephew, my own two kids, and my sister's older two kids for as long as I needed to. 5 KIDS! At the time, I didn't know it, but I took on only what I could handle. My nephew, who was shaken, was placed with my other sister, who happened to be a foster parent. I let him go there because I didn't think I would be able to take care of all the kids and get my hurt nephew to where he needed to be for hospital surgeries and care. It was going to be a long, long haul for him. I didn't think I had it in me to be strong enough to carry all that battle. I felt I could handle only so much.
About a year and a half goes by, and I am BEATING MYSELF UP EVERY DAY for not taking my nephew, who was hurt. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. DESTROYED. FELT WORTHLESS. WHAT KIND OF AN AUNT WAS I? Like how could I take on the other kids and not my poor helpless baby nephew who needed me? DEPRESSION BIG TIME. LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. DONE. WAS A WASTE OF SPACE. I WISHED IT WERE ME AND NOT MY BABY NEPHEW. I would have done ANYTHING TO TAKE HIS SPOT. So he could have a chance. So he could have a LIFE.
BUT…..
I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF THAT DARK PLACE.
I kept pouring myself into my sister's kids and my own. EVERY WAKING second was ABOUT THEM. They were well-loved and taken care of and still are.
Around this time, I started my health journey. I was just a few months in waking up every day at 5 am to work out and take time for myself and eat healthily. I could have given up, but instead, I pushed harder. I brought food with me to the hospital while visiting my hurt nephew and stuck to my plan. I pressed play on workout videos in hospital rooms. I kept going. I had fuel. I WAS TIRED AND SCARED AND SAD. I KEPT GOING.
When my nephew was released with my other sister who took him, there were many months of grueling court battles and even a court hearing for a chance for the father of my nephew, who I had custody of to fight for him….he didn't….I was CRUSHED for him. That was a punch in the gut. I wouldn't have given him up anyway, but it was hard to hear he was done with this beautiful little Hawaiian tanned baby boy that has a smile bigger than the sun. I continued my workout journey and even got my nephew up at 5 am with me as a workout buddy and got him his milk and blanky while he laid and watched cartoons before I took him to daycare.
At the time, I Didn't know HOW STRONG I WAS.
Years later, I FORGAVE MYSELF.
FOR NOT TAKING MY HURT NEPHEW. I took YEARS to let it go. YEARS.
I went to the gulf shores, woke up before the sunrise. And that day, I decided it was time. I ran 3 miles. Then watched the sun come up, then laid in the saltwater, went under…
AND LET IT GO. I forgave myself and let it go to GOD. He took all my weight and my burden of NOT BEING ENOUGH. Up into the sky went my unanswered questions. I know now that I will never know things. Like why adults hurt small children. Why things happen that break your heart into a million pieces. Why you try to protect your loved ones, but sometimes you just can't. I let these questions GO.
And without taking any time or any love away from my children and my sister's children and my family. I poured into myself. I finally felt myself becoming stronger. Not only mentally or physically with my health journey but spiritually. I felt closer to God, and I felt my purpose. I found myself, and even though I didn't know it through all of these hardships, I WAS strong, and I was ENOUGH. I was doing everything I could and more.
Then we had to put our beloved dog Zombie down because she was sick with cancer and could no longer control her bladder. This ROCKED our family. DEVASTATED our kids. She was their best friend, and it was tough for them and all of us.
Then we lost my father in law and it was brutal on my husband and my kids, then we lost my stepfather, which I took very hard, then six months later, my biological mother got breast cancer and had to have a breast removed. There wasn't much time to recover in between blows or, as I like to call them ….waves. Our world was ROCKED, and our boat was tipping. Our boat was tipping A LOT.
AND
Speaking of waves….
WAVE NUMBER 3
Which are currently becoming whitecaps out in the stormy sea as we speak and getting ready to rock my white sandy beaches.
We have a family member who is currently missing and without getting into too much detail because I feel it would be unfair to the rest of this family at this time…we believe there was foul play involved. We are all dangling at the biggest edge of the biggest cliff, right now as we speak. We don't entirely know what is coming our way, but we have an idea, and we WILL UNITE, and WE WILL persevere, and WE WILL hold hands and come together and be gentle with each other and do whatever it is we have to do. And I believe I am strong enough to help my family through this wave. We pray still it won't turn out badly, and we are holding on by that little tiny thread of light just to get us through. But even so. I know there is always going to be a light. A big bright one with the Lord in the middle, and I believe we will be ok.
I've had three flat tires in a month, one car in the shop twice to be repaired, and my brand new 20,000 camper just flooded. I have two teenaged children…one that likes to push limits and scare the holy bejesus out of me in the middle of the night and test all the waters… and just literally called me to tell me her battery is dead…yes, that's the car that has been in the shop twice. Oh yeah, and there is also a worldwide pandemic and riots going on. But I still get up every single day, flip on my camera, say hi to the world, and do what I love doing. Helping others find that CLICK, that LIGHTBULB, that FIRE in the pit of their stomachs to change and put the work in - better themselves. I laugh a little each time I get phone calls now when it's about flat tires and car repairs, and my daughter needs a ride from 2 towns away on a Sunday night, and it's 8 pm. I laugh because these are small things that used to piss me off. But now I see them as easy small little ripple waves.
There will be more BIG waves, and there will be smaller ripple waves. And I won't be ready. I will be stronger this time around, and even if I have to drop to my knees again and again. I will get up, and I will be ok. There have been other waves before these, but I feel that those waters have calmed and smoothed out, but that doesn't mean I still don't carry the scars. I've just steadied my boat.
Now I will never treat myself with unkind words. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with hard things, I talk to myself and say… You're all right…you are all right… you're ok…. until I center. I will always put myself first to be the best possible me for my family and GOD. I no longer think of parts of my life as a nightmare but rather a season of growing and learning. I thank God for the years my husband had to grow and become a stronger father and person…without those years locked away, this could be a different story. I praise God my children were so young that they don't remember things that might have crushed them. And I believe wholeheartedly one hundred percent that people change. I believe most people are good. I believe in families sticking together; I believe that you have it in you to get through some very tough waves and battles in life, just like my family and I did and are doing still. I believe that you are tougher than you think. I believe God made us all strong. I believe change can be beautiful. If you look at things in a different light, you will see the sun where shadows once were. I also believe you need the dark, and that is a part of life. I believe that I am 36 years old, and my story is far from over. I believe in between these waves; we have the best of memories as well….kayaking, long sunny days at the lake grilling food and swimming, 16th birthdays, learners permits, family get-togethers for nieces and nephews…the ones at my sisters are the best!...new jobs, working together as a family on the house remodel, bike rides, watching sunsets on the front porch, and just waking up every single day and having each other. And I believe that no matter what, I'll always be ok. And so will you.
-"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."-JON KABAT-ZINN
Wave #4…to be continued…
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Curious about what a session with me is like? Want to just kind of get a little sampler? I would too! Coaching is a big investment. Also think, how long have you been burdened with THIS and how great would it feel to be liberated from that weigh on your heart, that dark cloud following you around.
Click here to read in depth testimonials from clients.
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Hayley Hengst
“A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.”
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Hayley is one of them.
Enjoy Hayley’s story of becoming. Hayley is a writer, a great one. She has a gift and I am honored that she shared it with us. Hayley and I wrote together at Austin Moms Blog and I always admired how adept she was at sharing her point of view so beautifully with the world. She’s really something else and I know you will adore her. Please welcome, Hayley!
Hayley Hengst from On a Lighter Note
“This Stage of Life? It’s Hard”.
That was the title of a blog post I wrote about five years ago now, that went viral. Then it went viral again. Then again. It was shared over 200,000 times, reached people in at least 10 different countries, got translated into other languages, and for at least two years after writing it, I continued to receive messages and emails from people all over the world telling me how much the article impacted them....how deeply the words resonated....how relieved they were to know they weren’t the only one who felt the same range of emotions the article described.
Kids. Marriage. Sick kids. Troubled marriage. Parenting decisions. Infertility. Miscarriage. The working mom versus stay-at-home mom debate. In the stage of life where you have young kids at home, the struggle is real, and can encompass any number of difficulties.
When I wrote that article, I felt like my “stage of life” was difficult, sure, but not in a tragic way. Just in a mundane “my kid has an ear infection as I write this, my house is a mess, I can’t figure out a good sleep schedule for my newborn, and I’m completely conflicted if I want to send my kindergartner to public versus private school” kind of way.
Happily married with three kids under 6, I was a bit taken off guard by some of the emails that came flooding in as a result of that article....readers regaling me with tales of why THEIR stage of life was hard....and it was indeed difficult stuff. Children with cancer. Husbands who had left them. Financial devastation. I felt sympathetic for these people, while at the same time (if I’m being honest) relieved that my woes were more of the “normal life problem” variety.
Fast forward two years. Fast forward just TWO years, and my mom was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer.
A few months after THAT, my husband, for whom my puppy love had somehow managed to remain strong for ever since I was 15 years old, sat me down on our back patio, with a bottle of wine, rain pouring down in buckets around us, and informed me that the feeling wasn’t mutual #hegone
And the gene that contributed to my mom’s cancer? Yeah, I was a carrier as well.
That was a hell of a year.
Turns out this stage of life IS hard...in ways I had been quite naïve to when I penciled the article.
I’ll save you all the gory details of what the three years sandwiched between THEN and NOW consisted of, but here’s what I WILL say:
When Catia reached out to me and asked me to be a part of her Courage to Become Series, I was incredibly honored. I had read some of the articles other people had written for this series, but not all of them. So I went back and read more. And thought, “um. Why did she ask me to participate in this? I’m not sure I belong in this group. What exactly HAVE I had the courage to become?”.
I thought about it or a while. What I ultimately realized, was this:
After a long hard road, years of which were spent living in the shadow of someone else...years more spent trying to rebuild what “someone else” tore apart....I simply (recently) (finally) have the Courage to just....Become.
“Become”, as in “an active, ongoing, process”. Not necessarily as in “an end-point".
Sound like a cop-out answer?
It’s not.
You see, I’d spent my entire life (well, my entire life since age 15, anyway), just “becoming” what I thought someone else (my husband) wanted me to be. That’s dumb anyway, but in my case, it didn’t even freaking pan out well.
How in the WORLD had I forgotten to ask myself questions like:
What do YOU want?
Who are YOU, separate from HIM?
What’s important to YOU?
What do you want YOUR life to be about?
I don’t know how I’d forgotten to ask those questions, but I had, and it was time to start asking them.
Had my life not fallen apart, maybe I never would have asked. I’m not sure you can become who you are meant to be UNTIL you ask.
So I'm asking them now, and if I’m being honest, the answers are still a little grey. You don’t go 36 years of life NOT thinking through those things, and then all of the sudden have clear answers to them. “Grey” is a transitionary color though, right? It’s in-between black and white. Moving from white, into black, I suppose. As I’ve begun to ask the questions and sort through the answers, here are a few things I do know:
• I want to write. Writing is what I love. It’s what I’m good at. It’s what other people tell me I’m good at. It’s what makes me feel most like me. Why had I not been doing that?
....and so I’ve started writing again. I’ve started a new blog. It’s called The Lighter Note Show. It’s taking off well. I’ve started submitting writings for other websites...and they’re getting accepted. I’ve been paid for a few. I’ve decided I’m going to write a book.
I want to co-host a podcast with one of my best friends. The overwhelming response I received to the Stage of Life blog post all those years ago made me realize that maybe more than anything else, people appreciate “relatable”. They appreciate feeling like they aren’t the only ones who feel the way they do sometimes. That other people have the same struggles and woes and awkwardness and weird thoughts. They also need an excuse to laugh sometimes. I wanted to create a podcast that provided that outlet for people. So why hadn’t I, yet?
…..and so I did. I’m not sure where it will go or what it will lead to, but I’m DOING it at least, and working on the podcast is one of my favorite parts of life right now
I want to challenge myself. I want to set goals that are hard, make a plan to achieve them, and then achieve them. I don’t want to ever become stagnant and “blah” and aimless again. When and why had I become that in the first place?
….. and so I trained for a 15 mile “heavy half” marathon this year. Ran it. And climbed a mountain, too. The highest peak in Colorado, thank you.
Possibly most importantly, I want to love my little boys well. I want them to feel loved, cherished, secure, and happy.
…..and so there is a lot of apologizing in our house. As in, “me to them”. It’s hard to be the patient, kind, gentle and loving mom you want to be when you are emotionally stretched thin, but there’s a lot to be said for apologizing. Being honest with them. Admitting mistakes. Being vocal and expressive in my love for them. Being honest about what’s hard and crappy, but also highlighting all that is good and wonderful and positive.
Some of you impressive and awe-inspiring women in this series have had the Courage to Become some pretty amazing things. You’ve become doctors. Lawyers. Life coaches. Wildly successful photographers. I’m still convinced you guys are all in a different league than me.
I feel certain though there are others of you out there who, like me, lost yourselves along the way somehow. As a result, you may not feel like you’ve “become” anything at all. While I’m certain that isn’t entirely true...you’ve become SOMETHING...you’ve become a wife, or a mother, or a beloved friend....it COULD be true that you haven’t become what you were MEANT to become. Yet. Maybe you haven’t asked yourself the important questions. Maybe you’ve spent too much time trying to become what someone ELSE wanted you to become. Maybe the fact that it’s actually POSSIBLE to become something that makes you feel proud of yourself and fulfilled has eluded you.
I’d encourage you to ask yourself the important questions:
• What do I want out of life?
• Who am I, at my core?
• What makes me feel most alive?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I good at....something I know I’m good at...others tell me I’m good at...I enjoy it....but I’m holding back?
• What am I waiting for?
It takes courage to even ask yourself the questions to begin with. It’s worth it, though.
I’d love to write the book. Have the successful podcast. Climb another mountain. Be able to pat myself on the back daily for a Parenting Job Well Done. If I do all of those things, maybe I will have “become”.
For right now though, there is a lot of beauty in the “becoming”. The process. I don’t want to speed through that.
So cheers to us...the works in progress. May we simply have the courage to BECOME...period.
About Hayley:
Hello From the Other Side
The "single gal" side, that is. The "after the dust has settled a bit" side. The "am I experiencing PTSD from the drama and trauma of the last two years?" side. Kidding, kidding. No PTSD here.
Probably anyone reading this already knows me, and could do without an "About Me". I used to write all the time, and back then, I wrote everything "about me" anyone could ever care to know, and then some, I'm sure. I wrote for Austin Moms Blog. I wrote for my own blog, Mother Freaking. I wrote for Her View From Home. I pretty much was an open book. A lot has changed in my life since then, though (a lot has stayed the same, too).
What's changed?
-I'm not married anymore. This is a negative development on almost all fronts, but I suppose the "positive" aspect of it is that my writings will no longer be chalk full of corny references to my high school sweetheart relationship, that no one wants to hear about. I mean, I thought it was cute. But I guess not. Another positive could be that maybe you'll get to hear some tales of WHAT in the actual WORLD a 38-year old who has never been single, does in the dating world? (If you have any tips or suggestions, please...by all means).
-I don't live with a man anymore. This means there is a lot of pink in my house. I've hated pink my whole life, and then suddenly it was like "If I WANTED to have pink stuff I could"...and so I did.
What's the Same?
- I'm still mama to Three Little Manimals (that's man+animal)
- They still crazy AF
- Writing is still my favorite thing in all of the world. No wait...reading. Writing is a very close second though.
- It's still a toss-up if my Happy Place is a bubble bath, sitting in front of a fire, or lying in the sun. Warmth...just give me warmth. Throw in some sort of a twinkle light situation while you're at it. Throw in a book and maybe some wine, too.
Other Things...
- I think the song "The Weight" by the The Band is the best song of all time, and no matter how many people argue this opinion (fact) with me, I'll never change my mind
- I can't shuffle cards for shit, and one actual GOAL of mine (this is pitiful) during quarantine was to "Perfect My Shuffle Game". I've got the shuffle. Still can't get the stupid bridge.
- I worked at a gym in high school. Some guys that worked there called me at the front desk, secretly, from a back office, pretending that their dad was at the gym working out, and a family emergency had occurred. They needed me to page him. His name was Mr. Jack Meoff. "Please, can you page him". I did. Multiple times. Thus revealing to the world what I already knew...I'm a bit low on common sense. It's fine. I've accepted it, and feel that likely, it means I'm a genius. Like some sort of mad scientist.
You can follow Hayley’s journey at
On a Lighter Note Facebook // On a Lighter Note
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Courage to Become | Lindsay Gath
The day that I got my first big call from my transplant coordinator, I remember where I was standing. As soon as she started to speak, I felt sick and started sweating, my heart was racing, and I was pacing the room as I went quickly through the questions they would ask on every call to make sure I was the right patient. As soon as she said there was a match, I sat down and felt a huge sense of relief and excitement flow over me.
A quick note about The Courage to Become Series and today’s, featured woman.
Hi! Catia here. I am delighted to bring you Season 4 of The Courage to Become! I ask women I admire to share a behind the scenes view of their becoming. We often see the result but aren’t privy to the through, to the transformation. And the through is where all the magic happens. The story you are about to read will buoy you with hope. Being a woman is not easy, but damn, if it can be magical. There are inspirational women everywhere, and Lindsay is one of them.
Enjoy her story of becoming. I have never met Linsday in person, but I feel like she’s my friend! Her sister, Courtney, and I used to write together for Austin Moms Blog, and as I got to know Courtney better, I had the pleasure of crossing digital paths with Linsday. Her story brought me chills and tears. Women have phenomenal capacity. - Please welcome, Lindsay
Lindsay Gath
When Catia reached out about sharing my story in her Courage to Become series, I was honored that she thought of me. I wanted to share the most significant part of my life: I’ve received the gift of life through a living donor kidney transplant, but I also wanted to share my back story and what led to where I’m now.
When I was 11 years old (in 1992), I became extremely sick. For months I had been waking up with swollen ankles and puffy eyes, but I had felt normal up until then. After a doctor’s visit, we were sent on to different specialists to figure out what was wrong, because some of my blood work looked alarming. I eventually had a kidney biopsy that diagnosed me as having something called Membranoproliferative Glomerulonephritis (MPGN Type 1). I thought I was cool for knowing how to spell encyclopedia in the 3rd grade, but this took me to another level. We found out it was caused by Strep throat at some point, which I used to get frequently as a kid. I was treated and seen routinely to keep things under control, but I went throughout my childhood trying to ignore my chronic kidney disease and pretend I was no different from the other kids. It was just not something I wanted to focus on, but it could not be ignored a few times throughout my life. When I met my husband, he was aware of the “situation.” When we decided to try and have kids, I had to be monitored extremely closely. I delivered a few days after my due date with my son, but the second time around was slightly different. My kidneys were not fairing as well, and they ended up putting me on modified bed rest for a few days and then admitted me to the hospital for a few rounds of steroid injections to help improve the baby’s lung growth before delivery. Our daughter was delivered seven weeks early in December of 2007. Even though leaving her in the hospital as we headed home was one of the hardest things we’ve done, she was a tough little cookie and only spent 9 days in the NICU, which was much shorter than they anticipated. Over time my kidneys calmed down a bit, and life returned to “normal” with my regular nephrology check-ups and medications.
Fast forward to late 2016, when at one of my regular nephrology check-ups, I was told that my kidney function was around 25%, and I would need to start thinking and talking with family and friends about my future and the possibility of needing a transplant. I honestly was in a bit of shock, mainly because I would normally just attend my regular check-ups and keep moving along, not paying much attention to my kidney function as they always made it seem like I was stable. I have since learned to read my labs on my own like a hawk. When they told me it was time to start thinking of my options such as dialysis and transplant, I felt scared and sad about it, knowing that the possibility of this huge life change was closer than I ever expected. I couldn’t ignore it and pretend as if there was nothing wrong anymore either.
When I put my mind to something, a lot of times without even thinking it all the way through, I just jump in headfirst. It’s a blessing and a curse. This was one of those times, though, that I jumped. I had so much to live for, and I wanted to fight with everything I had in me. I made connections with anyone I could to get the right info I needed to push forward. I ended up finding out that you’re not always referred to a transplant center by your own doctor. You’re often referred straight to dialysis, and you call the transplant center yourself before they work with your doctor to start the process towards transplant, so I did just that. I called up a transplant center myself and started there. I was so nervous when I called them, and it felt bizarre to call up and say, “Hey. I need to get evaluated for a transplant. Can we set that up?” Once the ball was rolling, I was eventually evaluated in early 2017 at the University Transplant Center in San Antonio, TX.
I don’t know why exactly, but it felt like a natural step to let family and friends know through Facebook Live what was going on. Most of the people I had met in adulthood didn’t even know I had a chronic kidney disease because I never really made it a topic. It ended up being more than I expected as friends and family shared my videos, and my transplant center was overwhelmed with people that applied to see if they could be a living donor candidate for me. People that I didn’t even know personally. This still makes me so emotional to think about. I was blown away! I heard from friends that I had not seen or talked to in over 20 years, and friends of friends who lived out of state and had never met me that had applied to try and donate a kidney to me. And honestly, I still don’t even know everyone that did apply because, of course the transplant center couldn’t tell me who they all were. I hated not knowing so that I could properly thank every one of them for trying.
Donor testing started once I was approved for transplant and was made active on the UNOS (United Network of Organ Sharing) list, which would allow me to receive a kidney from a deceased donor. However, with my blood type (O+), I could be looking at anywhere from 5-8 years, because even though I would be a universal donor to all other blood types, I would only be able to receive from another O blood type. Knowing this made me push everywhere and anywhere I could to get closer to transplant with a living donor match. I wanted a preemptive transplant, which meant avoiding dialysis entirely if possible and getting to transplant before that was needed. There’s only a small window of when you can even be evaluated by a transplant facility vs. when you need dialysis to stay alive, and I was heading through that window quickly. Dialysis was a terrifying thought for me. Imagining having to spend so much time away from my family, and the other health complications that can come with it made me frustrated and feel a stronger sense of urgency. Every step forward in the transplant process was a huge accomplishment, but I also felt like I was in a race against time, because as your kidney function declines, it can decline faster and faster towards the end. By the time I was active on the UNOS list, my kidney function had decreased and was now under 20% in total. They usually start testing those that are closest to you and work their way outward with the thinking that those closest to you would be more committed to going through the whole process.
When I got my first big call from my transplant coordinator, I remember where I was standing. As soon as she started to speak, I felt sick and started sweating, my heart was racing, and I was pacing the room as I went quickly through the questions they would ask on every call to make sure I was the right patient. As soon as she said there was a match, I sat down and felt a huge sense of relief and excitement flow over me. The match was my sister. As soon as I got off the phone, I text my husband and said, “I need you to call me.” I knew he would be in meetings, but we also had an understanding that if anything new or serious happened -- well, he knew when it was an urgent matter as we felt we were always on call. I would answer every single ring of my phone just in case. My sister would be sent on through further testing to make sure she would be healthy enough to donate because that is the most important thing to make certain at that point.
Weeks later, our roller coaster took another turn as my husband was leaving work to head home. When he got in his car, my mom was calling him. My sister had found out earlier that day that they had found some kidney stones (of all things) during her donor testing, and even though she hadn’t been affected by them, she was no longer able to donate. There would be a concern that I would then have complications from kidney stones, or that my sister would be left with one kidney and have complications. My mom and sister were struggling with letting me know, so my husband came home to give me the news that we were back to square one. At that moment, I was sad and exhausted, but I also knew that it would all be okay eventually. I was sad that I wasn’t going to share that moment with my sister because she’s the person I’m closest to other than my husband. With this news also came that my brother-in-law (my sister’s husband) had gotten a call right after my sister had hung up with the transplant coordinators about her quandary and was told that he was a match. It didn’t make sense, though, because he wasn’t even the same blood type as me. It ended up being a massive miscommunication on the transplant teams’ part, so the range of emotions that day was honestly enough to drain me for a while. There were a few mishaps, but I do see how it happens. Every person involved is in it for the end goal, for extending life and health, and they care about you deeply.
I knew that my sister’s best friend was also one of the ones that they had tested more recently around this time. I had grown up knowing her, admiring her, and she’s just plain fun to be around. She’s one of the most passionate and well-meaning people I’ve ever met, and she cares about people deeply. At one point during testing, she had called and asked me more about how the paired exchange program worked and how that would help me if she were not a match for me. A paired donation is where one recipient from one pair is compatible with the donor from another pair, and vice versa. The transplant center may arrange for a “swap,” but it can also lead to donation chains where multiple donors and recipients are involved. This is also the Shea Jones that Catia featured in her Courage to Become series in June of this year. The day I got my second call was a weekend in September of 2017. My husband and son were out running some errands with me, and as we were driving, my phone rang, and it was my sister’s best friend, Shea.
I could tell in her voice that something serious was happening. She told me she was my match, and as my heart raced and I took it all in, the tears started to flow. Shea asked me, “You’re crying because this is good, right?” She wondered if October 26th would work, which was literally about a month later. Anytime would have worked for me honestly. I couldn’t believe it. It’s not as easy finding a match as the movies make it look, so the fact that my sister brought this person into our life could not have been more perfect. Shea and I called my sister on a 3-way call and told her right away, together. We were now in this as one unit, and it just felt right.
About two weeks before I had gotten that call from Shea, I had the most real dream I had ever woken up from wherein I had found out that Shea was my match. I had told my husband and kids about it and had even text my family about it. On the morning of October 26th, 2017, that dream came true. From the day I initially contacted the transplant center until the day of surgery, almost exactly a year had gone by. The night before transplant, Shea and I, along with our families, stayed close to the hospital as we had to be up extremely early. We met down in the hotel lobby before the sun was up along with our husbands and my sister before heading to the hospital, where our families joined us later. In pre-op, they had us separated until I asked if we could be together, and Shea said yes. I just needed her close by. It didn’t feel right any other way. Was I afraid of what was about to happen? Yes. But, I also had no other choice at that point. My kidney function was down to a total of 12% on the morning of transplant. They prepped us both, and I was doing good until they rolled Shea away and started her operation before taking me back. I was overcome with emotion and worried about Shea, and the reality of it all hit me. One of the nurses came over and hugged me tightly. When they rolled me back before I was put to sleep, I asked my doctor if Shea was doing okay, and he said she was. He told me she was right next door, and that if I looked up at the monitor above me, I could see her on the operating table. It was the last thing I remembered before they got me to sleep. During our concurrent surgeries, our husbands were updated by text as to how everything was going. When they hooked up Shea’s kidney inside me, he was told that the kidney started working immediately, which was fantastic news.
I woke up quickly after surgery and felt different already. It was amazing. Because I had been “sick” for so long, I felt this instant relief to my body. The air around me felt cleaner, and I just felt good. Shea and I were in different rooms, me in ICU, but we were on the same hospital floor. We FaceTimed and talked for a bit, and my husband caught the whole thing on video, which is quite funny to look back at now. We were both pretty doped up still, and our families were in our rooms, which felt like one big party. At one point, Shea’s nurse had come into the room, and I met her through FaceTime, and Shea asked how soon we could see each other. The nurse told us probably the next day, but if you know both Shea and me, that was not the answer we were willing to accept. Shea convinced one of her nurses late that night if she could be wheeled to my room, and we got to see each other that day.
The next day I was moved out of my ICU room, closer to her, and we were able to walk the halls together soon after. My lab numbers, especially kidney function, improved hourly it seemed, and we were thankful to head home just a few days later. To say the journey of transplant has been easy though, is not the full truth. It is rewarding and happy most of the time, but there have also been challenges. I went through acute rejection three short weeks after transplant, where I had to be admitted for some heavy-duty IV meds that thankfully stopped it from harming my new little kidney. I have had three kidney biopsies on the new kidney, too much lab work to count, medication changes and adjustments. I am on antirejection medications that suppress my immune system for the rest of my life. The energy that I now have and the deeper appreciation I have for, the smaller things in life are worth it! And I love carrying a piece of Shea with me forever. Seeing my scar reminds me daily of our connection.
One of the challenges I bring upon myself is that I often feel like I’m not doing enough to fully live with this extension on life that I’ve been given. I feel the need to push myself farther intentionally. I’m currently taking college classes full time right now, working on getting my bachelor's in Health Sciences from West Texas A&M and ultimately certification as a Child Life Specialist. This will allow me to walk alongside kids and their families in the medical journey they are on and advocate for them when they are in a tough space. I know exactly what it’s like to be there as a kid. In the meantime, I’ve had many connections open to me because of my experiences, which I love. I was able to help organize the National Kidney Foundation Walk in Austin in 2017. I have been able to use my voice in the kidney community because of another connection that I made after being asked to join as a Field Ambassador for the state of Texas through the oldest and largest, independent kidney patient organization in the U.S. – AAKP (American Association of Kidney Patients). I hope to become even more involved with them over time as they are an excellent resource for any patient (or family member) who has chronic kidney disease, is on dialysis, or is a transplant recipient. Meeting so many people in the kidney community and hearing all of their different stories has shown me that we all have perseverance when we need it. You may think it’s not there, but you can find it when you’re dealt with hard things. My hope in sharing the journey I’m living is that it reaches someone who needs it most. Organ donation is a very powerful thing, and I will be forever grateful for this life I’ve been given because of it.
If anyone would like to sign up to make that gift of life happen for another when they’re gone, they can go to www.registerme.org but also let their families know their wishes.
No need to take those organs with you if they can help someone in need.
Great resources for kidney patients: www.aakp.org
You can connect with Lindsay on her Instagram or Facebook Page.
Hi friend!
Welcome to Bright Light.
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, friend, daughter -- you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
Here at Bright Light, I help parents worldwide enjoy their lives and enjoy their kids.
Family life can be beautiful, but it's not easy. A day in a family can be filled with heartache, guilt, hugs, crying, laughing, and rushing from one place to another.
I help parents create the home life they've always wanted and an environment that feels good for everyone. I teach parents how to strengthen their marriages and relationships with their children.
I believe in the power of parents and families to support and encourage each family member and then take that energy and make the world a better place.
You have the strength to break behavioral patterns, heal intergenerational trauma, and nurture your family in the way you have always wanted to.
To each session, I bring my training as a Certified Conscious Coach, my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my decade-long career as an author and keynote speaker. My approach is multi-cultural, grounded in research and my own experience as the mama of two young girls.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me, I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Monthly Guide
Shine your brightest,
How are you after last week?
Ten days ago I sent out a Weekly Wisdom email - and the topic was how to sustain change.. And then, a tsunami of events, emotions, and information came barreling at America.
If you are Black and reading this, I hold you in my heart and my actions. I am learning and unlearning and acting on your behalf. I am sorry and embarrassed that I didn't know just how much you have gone through and go through. I am committed to not only doing better - but to DOING WELL on your behalf. I will be there for you in my words and thoughts and actions. I know this week was a tsunami, an onslaught, and I'm sorry that you are in the middle of all of it.
--
If you are not Black, I see you, and I feel you. As a leader of people who want to grow and do their best ( I am so proud of you ), I wanted to be there for you, and so I didn't want to be silent. I wanted to be vocal and push the envelope (of my social media - but most of all of my heart and comfort.)
When you learn that you have been blind and worse, complicit in the hurting of others - it is a gross, all-encompassing feeling. The murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery have affected me like nothing ever has before. It has taken over my head and heart. And I suppose that's a good thing.
Here's something significant that I want you to know.
You have the skills to be a group of people who bring about change. I know that you are who we have been waiting for.
I'm not sure how long you have been with me ( reading my work and showing up for me) for some of you it's recent, and for others, it's been ten years. I know that if you are here - you are GOOD and you are STRONG, and you WANT GOOD FOR THE WORLD.
I know it.
Deconstructing beliefs takes time and intentionality. Change takes time. Looking at ourselves and where we have unconscious biases will not be easy. Seeing the hurt that our brothers and sisters have endured for centuries will break your heart open - but I urge you to look at it - don't look away.
Let it break your heart open. It's in the breaking of your heart that you will transform.
How do I know this?
Because I have been there before, and so have you.
As my teacher, Dr. Shefali, says, “pain is a portal.”
Each of us has that time when our hearts shattered, and we thought, "this is the end, we cannot endure anymore." After prayer, intention, and love, we started to feel lighter, stronger, and freer. We transformed.
Maybe it was a bad break up; maybe it was the loss of a loved one, maybe it was a job loss, maybe it was a suicidal attempt, and maybe it was drug addiction. Something brought us to our knees, and we begged for relief. Do you remember that time?
And yet, here you are. Standing tall, taking deep breaths, evolving, being a blessing to yourself and others.
--
And so I know, you and me, we were made for a time such a this.
I believe in you.
Here's what I am doing to take action.
Also, last night I watched, Just Mercy on Netflix, and I am a changed woman. I will literally never be the same. I highly recommend it. It will break your heart WIDE OPEN. You will move into action after watching it. God Bless Bryan Stevenson.
Jamie Foxx, Bryan Stevenson (American Civil Rights Lawyer and angel ), Michael B. Jordan
Let me know how I can help you on this journey of unlearning.
so much love and hope for you and for us, catia
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Weekly Wisdom Guide
Shine your brightest,
“Must be nice.” Words that used to cripple me.
My parents were and are really hard workers (My mom was born in Mexico and migrated to the US, my dad was born in Texas and grew up working on farms,) and they opened their own business in 1982-- and the fact that they were business owners was enough to get people to bully me as a young girl.
Must be nice to have it so good. Must be nice to have it so easy. Must be nice to not have to work so hard. Must be nice to be teacher’s pet.
And the ultimate dread was that they would say these things to me in Spanish. I’d get steamrolled verbally and I couldn’t keep up or respond and I’d just have to walk away with my tail between my legs.
After enough bullying I subconsciously I started to defend my life.
Every time I would encounter a blessing, or something fun and simple like a new outfit, I’d book end it with 9-year-old versions of “But I also encounter struggle.” I’d go off explaining how I too suffer. How life is hard for me from time to time. How I don’t have it all. How I hurt. How my life wasn’t perfect. I’d laugh it off and sometimes throw in some self-deprecating humor – anything to convince my classmates I was worthy of belonging.
The truth of my childhood was that I was blessed.
I had amazing parents who loved me well and kept me safe. I always had food and clean clothes and never wanted for anything. I had birthday parties and Halloween costumes and complete emotional support. I did have nicer things than some of my friends, but not the nicest. My mom drove a blue Toyota Corolla, a grey Astro van and then a maroon Ford Tarus station wagon because if would fit the snare drum that I toted to school every day.
I never felt entitled. I always felt grateful and more than that, a responsibility. A responsibility to do the best with what my parents had worked so hard to give me.
So I did. I worked hard. (I wrote about how my parents gave me the gift of grit here.) I was a good student. I tried my hand and did well at UIL writing, marching band, jazz band, golf – and all sorts of other extracurricular activities.
What I wanted more than anything back then, was for someone to acknowledge my hard work. I wanted my peers to see how much I tried – how much I was earning what I was receiving.
I wanted to be able to be blessed, work hard and also belong.
I started working for and with my parents when I was 8. And every holiday, and summer vacation – while my friends were watching tv and going to the mall, I was working with my parents. I put in a lot of hours. My duties were simple, but I was working. And by the time I was 14, every summer, I was working full-time as a cashier.
I was blessed, I did have it nice, AND I stewarded both well.
What would give me knots and throw me into a shame spiral was when people dismissed my hard work.
And so I learned to sandwich every blessing with difficulty. And over the years it became part of who I was.
Has that ever happened to you? A bad habit just become part of who you are?
I would dim my light and hide my joy because if I was truly standing in all of who I was, I was a target for ridicule.
As I became a wife and mom and continued my path of healing and self-discovery, I started to be curious about this part of myself. The part that wanted everyone to know that I worked hard, that I was deserving, that I was worthy.
It’s still a tender spot for me.
I still guard that part of my heart close.
Photo Credit: Iliasis Muniz
But I have started to shed the layers of shame around “it being nice.”
I am a good person, who takes good care of friends and family and everyone in my world. I am grateful and generous with my time and thoughts and effort. Most of this is not public – and yet I know that I have made a difference in lives of many people for the better. And I do it from a place of sincerity. I want to make the world a better place and I do what I can where I can.
--
It can be hard to share blessings with the world because you’re always putting yourself out there for others to comment, “must be nice,” with an undertone of dismissal.
I am 35 now and learning that it is a disservice to my joy and my life and the lives of those around me if I am constantly tampering down all that I’ve received – whether it be by blessing, fortune, luck, or hard work.
Even right now, my old habits are creeping up and I want to tell you how much I have struggled.
“Everyone lives three lives, public, private and secret.” - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
I want to share with you why I deserve all the goodness in my life. I want to tell you that I am grateful for it. That I treat people well. That I deserve it.
But I’ll stop myself.
I’ll stop myself because I want you to know that you deserve ALL the goodness the Universe and God can send your way with having to defend it.
What would our lives look like and feel like if we accepted all that goodness with grateful heart, enjoyed it and were good stewards of it? Can we begin to lean into that?
May you know you are worthy of a peaceful life.
May you know that you can experience goodness in its fullness without defending yourself.
May you know that you are deserving.
May you know that you have nothing to prove.
May you know that when you rise to the occasion that is your life, it gives us permission to the same.
May you know that more you share the goodness in your life, the more you will receive.
May you know that you belong not despite anything, but because you are.
Feature Image: Abel Riojas Photography
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
Grit is a Gift
You know those people who don’t have to study to get an A? Or the people who are magically good at any sport they try? Or the people who just seem to walk around with life unfolding so easily before them?
That’s not me.
You know that old football movie, Rudy? Where the main character is in love with Notre Dame football and will give anything to be part of the team?
Rudy is from Illinois and lacks ALL that is needed to make the team. He has no money, terrible grades, and is 5’6. His prospects are bleak.
BUT - Rudy wants to play for Notre Dame so badly. So he wills his way from a junior college to Notre Dame. THEN, he wills his way onto the practice football team where his body is used for hitting practice. And eventually after YEARS of trying his absolute hardest, he wills his way onto the OFFICIAL football team. And in the last game of his senior year, Rudy made ONE official play for Notre Dame Football before his teammates whisked him off the field in celebration.
THIS… this is more like me. I’m the person whose skills don’t quite measure up - but tries anyway.
Growing up, I was ashamed that I had to try so hard at everything - ballet, studying, band. I was always amazed that other people didn’t have to put in the work and yet -- we magically we arrived at the same place.
But over the years, the shame started to slough away and I started to become proud of trying. Proud that I had the onions to go after things that interested me.
To see something on the horizon and walk toward it – even though nothing says that the road to the horizon will be easy – is grit. And grit is a gift.
My parents gave me this gift.
My mom, Noelia Barrera Hernandez, migrated from Mexico to the US with her family when she was about 6 years old.
As a child her entire family would pile into the bed of truck, with only a tarp to protect them from the elements, and drive from the southernmost tip of Texas to Wisconsin -- to go pick beets and cucumbers. They lived in a one bedroom house with dirt floors. And while her parents worked in the fields, as a 6 year old, she’d care for her infant brother.
As a teenager she would go to school and after school would clock in at the local grocery store, working until 11pm most nights.
My dad, Renato David Hernandez, started working with his dad, Hortemio Hernandez, at age 11. During the summer, he would work at a farm co-op from 7 in the morning until 8 every night. He would weigh trucks carrying tomatoes, tally up tickets for farmers and their crews, and even call out-of-state truckers and place orders. He did this every summer until he turned 25. All the while, going to school, and helping his mother, my grandmother, open a flower shop.
On June 12th, 1983, at the ages of 24 and 25, my parents were married. And since it was the middle of tomato season, they didn’t go on a honeymoon. They were married on a Saturday and both returned to work the following Monday.
A few months later, with the support of their families, my mom and dad started their own business, beer corner stores. They called them, Pop-A-Top. Eventually these corners stores morphed into Holiday Wine and Liquor. And today, my folks have been in business 36 years, own 9 stores and have been able to employ and create opportunity for thousands of families.
As newlyweds, when my parents needed a weekend to themselves, they would make the 5 hour road trip from the Rio Grande Valley to Austin, Texas. They would pack up their small red truck with koozies and stop at convenience stores along the way – selling their wares. This was their weekend spending money.
My heart has always beamed with pride with who I come from and where I come from.
And while to some people, failure is not an option. For me, grit is the only option.
My parents, entirely by their actions, taught me how to dig in and put one foot in front of the other.
Somehow I have put one foot in front of the other and willed myself into a speaking and writing career, loving on women and reminding them of their innate worth.
I went from a career in hospitality-- to writing a blog -- to trying to write a book – to actually publishing a book -- to getting all sorts of amazing praise for the book – and even to speaking on the TEDx stage.
I have willed myself into a life I love that loves me back. Enjoying and cherishing my husband, girls, and our adventures - every single day.
And none of this would have been possible without grit.
The other day I was in Colombia with my family and I sent my mom and dad this photo.
I thanked them for giving me such a beautiful life.
I’m a 35, married and a mama, and I absolutely know whose shoulders I stand on.
Could my parents ever have imagined their impact? Their lives have reached far and wide — through all the people they’ve touched, through all the people who have watched them walk through the world, through my readers and their children, and beyond.
Mom and Dad, I have endless gratitude for the people you are in the world and for the parents you have been to us. You are adored, cherished and valued. The world is a better place because of you.
Friend, there’s honor in seeing something on the horizon and doing your best to get there. If your heart is calling you to make a move, to go forward, to explore, to stay, to make a change, to fulfill a dream - listen. Will the road be easy? Nope. Do you have what it takes to walk the path? Yes.
Dig those heels in and give it your all. Begin.
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
Shine your brightest,
The Courage to Become | Jessica Rockowitz Fielder
My name is Jessica Rockowitz, and I’m a mom of three – Hayley (13), Colin (4), and Graham (2). When people first meet me, I usually have one or both of my boys in tow. They’ll often ask if I have other children – I’ve admittedly grown fond of the looks on their faces depicting sheer shock and sometimes horror when I inform them that I also have a teenager.
“But you look far too young to have a teenager!” they exclaim, taken aback. I smile and nod, now accustomed to this song and dance – and so my story begins.
My path to motherhood was one that I unexpectedly embarked upon at the ripe age of 17. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. As a straight A student with dreams of an Ivy League school and a career in medicine, I was supposed to spend my junior year of high school studying for the SATs and flipping through college guide books – not scrambling for extra money so I could scour eBay listings for gently used baby items because I could barely afford to put gas in my car.
When I was about six months pregnant, my mom told me about a young parent program that her friend had heard about on the radio. The program was through a traditional four-year college that had about six spots for young, unmarried parents to live on campus with their children. The program also included room and board, a meal plan, and childcare for a very discounted rate. There was a catch, though – the program was located across the country from my mom and sister, who were a big part of my support system at the time. I was afraid that I’d be unable to raise my daughter without them, but I also knew this was our best shot at the life I envisioned for us. As silly as it sounds, I had dreams of a house with a playscape, Disney World vacations, and overnight camp. When Hayley was just shy of nine months old, I loaded her and our giant suitcase onto the plane to embark on what would be a truly life changing journey for us.
I wish I could detail everything that happened during those years at college, but that would be a novel in and of itself. I graduated college with a 3.9 and a BS degree in Biotechnology, accepting a research position at Harvard University for that coming fall. My daughter was almost six at the time and truly thriving, and I was getting married that winter.
I remember that the week I graduated college, I cut my Food Stamps card into tiny pieces, so proud that I would be able to stand on my own two feet. We signed the lease on a gorgeous apartment right outside of Boston in a safe, beautiful school district. We were financially and emotionally thriving – life was good, and we were happy.
Despite this, something gnawed at me and continuously stirred this feeling in my heart that I was unfulfilled. I beat myself up about this on a regular basis. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I satisfied with this beautiful life that I had worked so hard to create? I was always taught that the path to success looked something like this: attend the best college you can get into, land a great job, and work hard to climb up the career ladder. This was the linear path that I was on, so why was I so unhappy? I loved working with people and making a difference in their lives. In my current research position, this component of my passion was really lacking. On top of my work, I had been mentoring other teen parents and young moms for years, and it was a huge passion of mine. I told my husband that I wanted to go back to school to be an OB/GYN physician and work with young moms to educate and empower them. Life had other plans, though, and I decided to switch my career path from medicine to nursing in order to have a more flexible lifestyle because we wanted to grow our family.
Like always, I did my due diligence. I researched the best programs in the United States because just as my family had taught me, I wanted to strive for the best. I was accepted into and attended an Ivy League BSN/MSN Nursing Program. I was so proud of myself for getting in and worked hard to graduate and land what was my dream job at a low income OB/GYN clinic in downtown Philadelphia. I absolutely loved my patients. I was now a mom of two, and the working mom juggle was real. Still, I felt like I had reached an important milestone in my career and figured that the journey could only go up from here.
After a few months, that familiar feeling began to gnaw at me again as something stirred inside me and whispered, you’re not happy here. I found myself in tears on a daily basis and having a tough time getting out of bed each morning. I loved my job and my patients, but I couldn’t shake this perpetual feeling that something wasn’t right. What was wrong with me? I began to think that I was lazy and broken, and I just couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this pull to be away from what I had once again worked so hard to achieve.
While I was working in Philadelphia, I had also begun to dabble in the world of freelance writing. I signed up for a platform where I could find paying clients and began to take a deep dive into this space. I landed my first client for essentially pennies but was so thrilled that someone was paying me to write! I had always dreamt of being a writer and getting into marketing, but I was told that the world didn’t need more of us. It wasn’t lucrative or secure, and after all, I had a child to raise. Everyone persuaded me in the direction of stability, which equated to science and medicine. This was a huge reason why I had embarked on the path that I was on.
Now expecting our third (and last!) child together, my husband and I sat down one night when the kids were asleep. To this day, he still knows my heart more than anyone else in the world and is truly my best friend. He sensed that I felt the calling to not only be home for both of our kids, but to see where this career in writing could take me. I made the terrifying decision to leave the nursing profession that summer, when I was about 2 months pregnant with my now 2 year old. I never looked back, and so began my journey into the world of entrepreneurship.
----
As an adult and business owner who is constantly evolving and fine tuning my craft, I didn’t know what it meant to be an entrepreneur. From a young age, I was taught to work hard, go to college, and get a good paying job. There was no other path to success in life. It was no surprise that I felt completely broken when I didn’t fit that mold. I’d land amazing job after amazing job, only to feel empty several months into it, all passion and spark completely gone. I began to feel ashamed, and it took a huge toll on my self worth.
Now that I’m an adult, I realize all my feelings and emotions were due to the fact that quite simply, I was never meant to work for someone else. Knowing what I know now, I truly think sometimes that we are born as entrepreneurs but depending on the environment we grow up in, we don’t ever get the opportunity to realize it. Did you know that many intelligent, hard working entrepreneurs make some of the worst employees? We are the ones who have trouble with things like following authority and staying on task. I spent so much of my adult life believing that something was wrong with me, when really, I just wasn’t on the right path for me.
The most ironic part of this is that I work harder now for myself and my clients than I have in my entire life. I work more hours per week than my husband, and I love every crazy minute of it. This is what I was meant to do, but nobody had ever opened my eyes to the fact that there is an alternative to the traditional mindset of college and the corporate world.
I had always dreamt of being a writer and working in advertising and marketing, but I didn’t know what that looked like. When I left nursing, it was almost like the finality of the decision weighed heavily on my shoulders. I had just worked so hard and had gone into deep student debt for a degree I didn’t love. What did that say about me as a person? Where would I go from here?
Many people ask me how I got started in marketing since I don’t have a background in it. I was a marketing minor in college, but everything I learned then is obsolete now because of the rise of social media and digital marketing. The foundation remains the same, but the logistics are so different. When I first began freelance writing, a small start-up reached out to me and asked me to run their social media. Their premise was a safe, COPPA compliant social network for children. They offered me the position because in their words, “I was a good writer and also a mom, so I knew their audience.” Thinking that it could be a great opportunity, I took it. This was the tiny stepping stone that I needed to open bigger and better doors for myself. I was in the right place at the right time, and though the start-up ultimately failed, I then moved on to bigger and better clients who taught me even more about the incredible world of content strategy and social media marketing.
Today, I have my own digital media agency and work with clients that I love and admire. I have also recently gotten into photography and launched my own photography business that I think really compliments my agency and has sparked this newfound passion that I never knew existed. I’m so excited to see where it takes me.
I dedicate at least one hour per day to education, where I listen to podcasts, read articles, and improve my overall knowledge so I can best serve my clients and continue to grow. I have huge plans for my future and where I envision myself. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about it, and it takes me back to those days where I thought that the only correct path in life was to choose a career from a handbook and spend your life inside that box. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course. As one of my close friends once told me, she watched her father own his own business and never have any boundaries, so she knew she wanted a position that she could walk away from at 5PM. There is so much happiness on both sides – it’s just about finding which side speaks to you, your passions, and your priorities.
Being a former teen parent, this transformation into who I am as a business owner and entrepreneur goes hand-in-hand with my transformation as a mother. I was so young when I had my daughter, and motherhood was not something I was welcomed into with open arms by those around me. In a way, I felt like I didn’t have permission to be happy and fulfilled in this role. I was supposed to struggle. It was supposed to be difficult. It wasn’t until I gave myself permission to be who I was – to leave a job that I had worked hard for, to have my second and third children – that I had the courage to really become the career woman and mom that I always felt I was meant to be, on my own terms.
I’m motivated each and every day by my family and by my desire to bring something unique and different to the world. I thrive on watching business owners reach their goals and fulfill their dreams. Being the one to help them get there is the most incredible and rewarding feeling that is almost indescribable. I no longer dread Mondays. In fact, I welcome them each week as I dive into my day’s work, able to drop it at a moment’s notice for a sick child or a school function. This is the life I dreamt of – and I’m living it.
I can’t sit here and pretend that it’s perfect, of course. I always joke that I have the best and worst of both worlds. It’s very true that I don’t have any boundaries. I work in early morning hours, late night hours, and on weekends. I work at nap time, bed time, and am guilty of using PBS Kids for a last minute sitter. Still, though, I wouldn’t change a thing. I have built this incredible lifestyle for myself, and I am so excited to see what’s next.
Here’s one thing I want young women everywhere to know –
there is no distinct path to success and happiness. It’s ok to be unsure about your future and what fuels you, even as an adult. It’s ok to feel fulfilled being a stay-at-home-mom, or not feel fulfilled as a stay-at-home-mom and know that you’re a better mom for your family when you work.
The path to joy is not linear, and you are not the victim of your own life.
If you want something, go out there and get it. There is enough for everyone, and don’t let any woman or person tear you down or talk you out of your dreams. Big risks can mean big failures, yes, but also big rewards – and is it ever a failure if we’re learning from it?
Essay by: Jessica Rockowitz Fielder
You can get in touch with Jessica here:
Jessica Rockowitz Photography Media Agency Facebook Instagram
Jessica captured this moment for us, and I love it!
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Shelly Weiser
I am originally from Louisiana and moved to Austin in 2011 for a change of scenery with the plans of going back home after a year or so. Three years later I bought my first house and I knew this was the place for me. I met my husband in 2010 we were married in 2011 and had an amazing little girl in 2013, followed by our super sweet son in 2014. Needless to say it was a whirlwind of five years, most of it spent just trying to survive the baby years. Now that my son is 3 and I have officially made it through that crazy time, I am realizing that I lost my self identity in the process and forgot that I was a woman and not just a mother.
Creating The Hive was basically me flying out of the tornado, raring to go!
THE HIVE
Coffee Shop + Co-working Space + Child Supervision + Beer & Wine = The Hive. Where you can be productive, or just be. The Hive is a brand new concept in South Austin offering parents and friends some much-needed time to get things done – whether working or just visiting with friends – while their little ones enjoy playing in a safe and fun on-site supervised area. We also have co working desks, a board room available, and a beautiful indoor and outdoor space perfect for meetings or just solo-working.
• What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway? (I can’t
really think of a good answer for this, but I guess this venture would qualify)
• How did it feel getting started?
When I first started this crazy journey it was exciting to say the least. It was something that I knew had to be done for so many reasons, for so many parents. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but I thought to myself “someone has to do this, so why shouldn’t it be me?”.
• Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started.
My main obstacles we’re not having any idea what I was doing and figuring it out on a daily basis. While I love a challenge, doing it with two toddlers was almost too much of a challenge. There were plenty of days that I woke up and just wanted to stay in bed and hide from commercial leases and fire marshals and just go back to making macaroni necklaces with my kiddos. My amazing husband would help ground me and then kick me in the butt again and remind me that I am just as capable as anyone else to do this and that all of the hard times would totally be worth it.
• What motivates you?
My motivation is twofold: the first is to prove to myself that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to and to go to bed at night knowing that I kicked ass at something, even if that something was just catching up on a ton of emails or making it through the day with healthy happy kids, fed and (somewhat) clean.
My second motivation is actually my children. I know that this business will affect my family and our time together, but knowing that my children will see their mom kicking butt and doing something big will give them a positive example for when they’re older and facing that same potential struggle.
• Which living person do you most admire?
This might seem a bit cliché, but I truly admire my parents. My dad started his own business when I was very young, probably the same age as my daughter is now. Growing up watching him work so hard for what he wanted, while it meant that he sometimes had to work late at night or on the weekends, was such a great real life learning experience for me. To see him overcome struggles and continue the amazingly hard task of owning a small business was truly inspirational. My mom was extremely supportive of him, there by his side every step of the way. I know that she was out of her comfort zone as well (not necessarily by choice) but they pushed through together and made an amazing life for my brother and I, who are now both self employed. I’ve always pondered the nature versus nurture question, but feel that it is probably a bit of both. I hope to provide that same real-life example to my children so that they can see (and experience) that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.
• Which talent would you most like to have?
Hmmm, this is a tricky one. I’ve always thought it would be fun to have the talent of Barbara Eden in I Dream Of Jeannie. Can you imagine wiggling your nose and your kids have you eaten, taking a bath, and are in bed sound asleep? How amazing would that be?!?!
• What is your most marked characteristic?
I would honestly have to say my stubbornness. You didn’t ask for my best characteristic or worst characteristic so this covers both bases. If you’re talking to my husband about who loads the dishwasher the best, it may not be my best characteristic that he lists at the time. But in this endeavor, I think it has come in quite handy.
• What is your motto?
I haven’t given much thought to this but I would say at this moment in my life “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming”. You know you’re saying that in Dory’s voice right now. :)
• What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?
I look around at the amazing life that my husband and I have created, and I’m not sure you’d consider that an accomplishment but it is something that I am so thankful for everyday. Talk to me an a year and hopefully a will add opening The Hive to that answer.
• What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee deep in mud?
I will have to get back to you on that after I go respond to my 1,800 emails and then call the electrician, the accountant, and the caterer. Oh wait, what was the question?
In all seriousness, the only thing I can do is take it one minute at a time and know that every little tedious task will be worth it once The Hive is a well-oiled machine and I’ve accomplished exactly what it is I set out to do!
• What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?
Do ALL of your homework and make sure that you know 100-percent, or at least as much is possible, what you’re about to get yourself into. Be prepared for the days that you don’t want to get out of bed and be ready to pick yourself back up again when you get knocked down (isn’t there a song from the 90s about that???). Know that it will happen more than one time but nothing that is worth it will ever truly be easy. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. (you know you’re still singing that).
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide
The Courage to Become | Jessica Honegger
In July 2017 I reached out Jessica Honegger via Instagram.
I thought, what do I have to lose?
I had been falling head over heels with Noonday Collection, a company she founded and is CO-CEO of. If you’ve not yet heard of Noonday Collection, get ready for your heart to be cracked wide open.
Noonday Collection serves people worldwide by providing opportunity for dignified work. They walk into corners of the world where there are beautiful people and beautiful cultures, but not beautiful opportunity – and then, they create it.
Noonday creates a big, wide open space for artisans in underdeveloped countries to flourish. Noonday sources handmade, fair-trade accessories and through a network of upwards of 2,000 ambassadors – creates a marketplace for artisans to show the best of what their culture has to offer.
In July 2017 a few things were happening in my career, season 1 of The Courage to Become: Sister Stories of Hope had wrapped up, season 2 was about to begin. My first book, similarly titled, The Courage to Become: Stories of Hope for Navigating Love, Marriage and Motherhood, was about to publish.
Reaching out to someone as accomplished and impactful as Jessica can bring up all sorts of nerves. What right do I even have to reach out to her?
--
About 6 years ago my brother asked me to go sky diving with him.
The night before our jump, I had butterflies, BIG ONES. Getting into a plane with AN OPEN DOOR, made my knees wobbly. Flying in a plane, seeing the trees get smaller and smaller as we flew to 10,000 ft. made me sweat. And approaching the of OPEN DOOR of the plane while 10,000 feet in the air –knowing I would be LAUNCHED OUT made me question my sanity.
The diving instructor yelled, “Squat, approach the door, and hang your toes over the side of the plane.” OH CRAP.
Then he said, “Make yourself into a tiny ball and on the count of three, we’re going. One, two, AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
I was free falling from 10,000 feet negotiating a smile while my cheeks flapped in the wind.
Was the hardest part landing? Falling? No.
The hardest part was the lead up.
So when I make big asks, like reaching out to Jessica -- I remind myself the hardest part is the lead up. If I can garner enough energy and courage to launch -- the rest will be fine.
So I launched, made the big ask and after some coordination - the day came! I was on my way to the Noonday Collection home office to interview Jessica.
DREAM DAY!
I prayed that God would keep me grounded in kindness and love and that I would remain present.
The space was beautiful and useful, just like their mission and just like each of Noonday’s pieces.
Jessica greeted me with a big hug and we were off, chatting like two normal gals!
Here’s how the interview went:
What’s one thing you are proud of becoming?
“I am proud of becoming a woman who is not afraid to be herself. In high school, there were two distinct parking lots, the west parking lot and the jock lot.” She said, “I had friends in both groups and always went between the two. I have learned to hold the tensions of seemingly contradictory feelings or things. I can love hiking and rock lash extensions, love fair-trade and also love luxury, love green smoothies and chips and queso!”
What keeps you going when you’re knee deep in mud?
“I have been exposed to real suffering in the world. I have seen poverty and malnourishment and broken systems. I believe it’s my clear assignment to contribute to these areas. How can you get stuck when you know so many things need help?”
What’s your version of making it?
“I have a certain sense of making it. I am satisfied with my career. There is a certain sense of being settled in Austin and in Noonday. That said, my bigger version of making it is having transformed thousands of people’s lives. A lot more change can be affected.”
Do you think you’ll do Noonday forever?
“Yes.”
What are your hopes for Noonday?
“I hope that Noonday continues to grow and become a household name. There are pockets of people we still need to introduce Noonday to. I want to shine a light on Noonday’s story and community through the Going Scared podcast and my upcoming book, Imperfect Courage.”
What’s one think you’d still like to become?
“I would like to become more productive. And more importantly I would like to become reflexively peaceful and loving.”
Being Noonday’s fuel requires a lot of hard work. Who modeled grit for you as a child? Where did you learn to work so hard?
“I learned grit from my parents. You know, I was industrious as a kid. I would sell handmade jewelry. Both my parents worked really hard. My mom sold homewares and decorations out of our home while my Dad worked hard outside the home.”
What’s the biggest surprise Noonday has brought you?
“It’s all been a huge surprise, an absolute adventure.”
--
Toward the end of our chat, we started talking about my book, The Courage to Become.
And Jessica got up from her seat, walked over to a side table and said, “I think I have it here. Oh yes, here it is.” And she pulled out my book.
Sometime in the fall, Jessica posted on Instagram and the spirit of the post was, What Can I help you celebrate? And I commented, “I just published my first book, The Courage to Become!” And she commented, “Grabbing a copy now!” And I thought it was sweet of her to show enthusiasm, but in no way did I think she’d follow through.
So when she pulled out my book a few things were going through my mind.
The first was gratitude, and the second was, she is who she says she is.
She is a cultivator of community, a true supporter, a woman’s woman.
--
I know what you’re thinking, where are all the photos of this wonderful day?
I didn’t take one photo.
In today’s day and age of promotion and hashtags and riding people’s coattails – No photo? No proof? No perfectly curated photo of this magical meeting. NOT ONE.
Before I walked in, I prayed to God that he would help me stay in the moment and stay grounded, and he did just that.
I just knew – it wasn’t a moment for selfies, or hashtags or Instastories – it was a moment to connect.
I hope you’ve gleaned a little more about Jessica’s heart and Noonday’s mission, but what I really want you to know is that she brave, and loving and that she tries – really hard to change the world for the better, every day.
I want you to know that she loves her family with all she's got.
And I want you to know that she believes in you and when and if you’re ready, Noonday Collection will welcome you to the table of creating community, impacting social justice and creating dignified work for people all across the globe.
Visit Noonday Collection on the web, on Facebook, on Instagram
Visit Jessica Honegger on the web, on Facebook, on Instagram
Hi friend!
I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.
One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.
The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.
If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.
Nice to meet you!
Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!
