The Courage to Become | Kiema Rogers-Washington

The Before Photo

They say,“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! As a mother sometimes we don’t know how strong we are until our motherhood is threatened. We as women give so much of ourselves to people, taking a risk to love and possibly not receive the same in return.

I met my son’s father when I was 20 years old and he was 37. I’ve always attracted older men, so this was no surprise. I had an 8 month old and I was out of a job. I met him at a party in Houston and fell in love with him through conversation. After leaving the party, we kept in touch through Facebook. I felt my young heart falling for him more, especially since he was sending poems everyday. It wasn’t long after I moved to Houston with him. I know it may have seemed fast, but I had made up my mind in the short 3 weeks of our dating. I didn’t know that he was a felon, nor did I know that we would be living with his 92 year old father. I was taking a risk by leaving the comfort of my mother’s home to go live with a complete stranger!

Soon we settled in and he revealed to me that he was a felon and it would be hard for him to find a job. I thought it strange but, because I was so blinded by what I thought was love, I decided to stick with it and do what I needed to do to make it work. But there was still a question in my head that needed to be answered, “What was I getting myself into?”

Although skeptical, I decided to ignore that little voice in my head. After all, he did help take care of a child that wasn’t his. As time went on he became more and more controlling.

I also forgot to mention that his very pregnant ex girlfriend (at least that what he told me) was also living there because she had no place to go.

I couldn’t go certain places or talk to family members.

I finally found a job working at Pappa’s BBQ in Houston. It was right down the street from Reliant Stadium where the Texans played football. My mother had come to get my son to spend some quality time with us and also, it was easier for me to work without having to search for a babysitter.

Back at the house my boyfriend was getting angrier and we were fighting more. He had thrown me up against the wall and choked me down to the floor. He was calling me all kinds of bad names like B-tch, worthless, and the worst of them all, you’re a horrible mother.

I was only falling deeper and deeper into depression, I couldn’t tell my mother or my family for that matter, how much hell I was going through. I couldn’t tell them that he was hitting me. I couldn’t tell them that he had gotten so mad at me that he tried to run his car into an 18 wheeler with my then 3 year old son in the car.

I stayed because I knew he was a broken man, he needed help and I thought I would be the one to help him. You see I’ve learned in this journey called life is that when you’re damaged, you have  a desire to help those around you, who are just as damaged as you. But as I stated before, I kept this secret for a while. I continued to live with him and I surely didn’t want to lose my job and move back in with my mother.

Fast forward to get the real reason my life began but also ended.

The very thing that would give any mother a reason to keep living. The night was quiet and I had just gotten off of work. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. An argument was started between the both of us and I opted to stop and not say anything. Like a lot of the other fights that began, it turned into a physical fight.

Some may say, “Why didn’t I call the police?” Well, being that I had called the police numerous times and no one came to the house or he would use his prison wit to get the police to believe his lies. One thing he could do so well, was to get me upset and play it cool with the authorities to be make it seem I was angry and deranged.

As we fought and argued, I decided to just stop talking because it was only making it worse.

He threw me down and raped me.

It was the worst feeling in the world!! I didn’t want my boy considering he was an ideal example of a father.

I kept my mouth shut!! I never told a soul what happened that night since I was already a victim of childhood molestation and no one believed me anyway. I felt helpless!!

Time went on and I found out I was pregnant. At the time we were broken up and I was working at another job, living with friends, and I didn’t want to look back.

Nine months went by and I gave birth to son. I had been so hurt and broken, that I thought about giving him up for adoption. But as a mother I couldn’t allow my son to be raised by complete strangers.

When someone has hurt as bad as this man had and raped you knowing that you didn’t want to have a child by him, what would you do?

I am a Christian and I don’t believe in abortion so I thought adoption would be best. I had a cesarean section and I knew my recovery would be hard and long. Soon after taking me home to his father’s home, he came up with this crazy excuse as to why he had to leave me and the baby alone. I was left alone at home by myself with a newborn baby to fend for myself. The only thing good that came out of that was his 92 year old father felt so bad for me that he gave me one of his cane to help me walk on. I was lonely, scared, and on top of that, fighting bed bugs that weren’t there before I went to the hospital to give birth.

But I kept pushing through the pain. A mother’s love besides the love of Christ is the greatest of them all! We have to thank God for being able to display that unconditional love to our and for our children. Eventually he came back to the house and of course I was still on my own considering the fact that he never really helped with anything.

Some more time had passed and we were living in our own place. He had left us once again and I had gotten used to it. We were living there a year but he had left and gone to live with another woman whom he promised while we were together that they were only friends. He had also recently gotten out of jail from spending a 4 months there, due to my mom writing a letter to Board of Pardons of Parol to tell them of the abuse that I had endured from his hand and mouth.

You see, sometimes life gives and opportunity to escape, but because we’re so brainwashed we find it hard to leave.

Some women ask, “Why didn’t you leave?”

It was so complicated!

Since my first son’s father wasn’t in his life I was trying to do the right thing by letting him be a part of our son’s life, regardless of the circumstances. See, I tried to give him a chance. Do the right thing!!

In July 2012, yet another argument and he grabbed our son and took him to the car. I ran outside after him. He locked the doors, backed up, let the windows down and yelled “Fuck you bitch I’ll see you in court!” Sorry to be so uncensored but that was the worse day of my life.

I tried putting him on child support and reaching out to him but nothing worked.

I received a letter in the mail stating that he was suing me for full custody and child support. Seriously? The nerve of him. I was taking care of our son and breastfeeding him.

I didn’t know where he lived so it was kind of hard to put and address on the child support papers I had filed before him. I was angry and scared.

The day was April 10, 2013. I had been in yet another abusive relationship and had gotten pregnant. I was 9 months pregnant with my third son when we were due in court.

I had gotten a lawyer and all he was had was his girlfriend. I had the emails where he called every name in the book except his child’s mother. Even armed with all of that, I was still ordered to pay $125 in child support. What?

I felt like it was over! How could I have visited my child when I didn’t know where he was living? The police kept telling me that it was a civil matter.

I was broken, poor, and pregnant. My mother held me in her arms so tightly as I shed my tears.

How could someone I thought I loved be so cruel. I was also ordered to have visitation every first, third, and fifth, weekend and some holidays. I was 23 years old and I was lost!!

Eight days later I gave birth to my third son and he took away some of the pain, but my heart still ached. My first visitation began the day I gave birth in the hospital. I was afraid my son wouldn’t recognize me. But when I got him he was different, he wasn’t smiling but pointing to everything instead of talking. I didn’t know what was going on at that house but I knew my child wasn’t the same. Years went by and months but nothing changed. I had tried to fight it in court two other times afterwards but was unsuccessful.  And to think that now til this day he hasn’t brought him to see me nor he has he abided by the court order.

I never knew how strong I was until being strong was all I had. Until God was all I all I had.

Here I am in 2018, happily married to my best friend and I’m now a minister. There have been ups and downs but God has kept me through it all.

I am due back in court April 6 of this year. Keep me in your prayers.

My boys

This is for all the mother’s who’ve lost their children and who have lost their innocence. Those who can’t seem to leave. I know how scary it is to start over.

And to those family members that don’t understand, don’t give up on them, they need you, their children need you!

-Kiema Rogers-Washington

After

Essay by Kiema Rogers-Washington

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Frances Saldivar-Morales

Sisters, you never know what kind of impact you are having. Keep doing good work, being kind, staying steady. We don't have to preach, or gather a following or have a fancy business to make a difference. Do what your heart calls you to do, and do it well. That is plenty. The universe will do the rest. 

Tonight, I want to share a letter with you. This landed in my inbox in March and I've been waiting to share it with you - to shine a light on Frances ( tonight's author) and also to remind you that you matter and YOU DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. 

When I wrote The Courage to Become, I had no idea who I would impact, seriously. But the more days go by, the more I realize my experience and my sharing and truth have impacted women and families that I never would have imagined. 

Enjoy Frances' story. It's one of challenge and courage, grace and triumph. 

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Catia,

It truly was a pleasure meeting you at the book signing on Saturday. I didn’t expect to be overcome with so many emotions when we spoke, but I appreciate your kind words, warmth, patience and suggestion to email you.  This gives me an opportunity to share how your book made a difference in my life—almost breaking down in tears aside.

I graduated from WHS in 2002, and although we never crossed words, I recall you being an upperclassman and drum major when I was a pacesetter. I immediately recognized your face about a year ago while scrolling through Facebook. Being from the same small town, we have several mutual friends on social media and one of them must have shared your page re: Confidence Revolution. Faith and positive/inspirational/motivational content have been my guiding light and driving force through tough times.

“Outgoing,” a word no one would have used to describe me! Growing up, I had a few close friends, and standing out would have been mortifying.  I just wanted to study and earn good grades to go to college and earn a degree—all of which I did, not standing out. In 2007, at the age of 23, I had a Master of Science in Communication Sciences and Disorders and began a career as a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) in my home town. I accomplished a lot, and before I knew it, I had a career that paid well enough to live a comfortable life and help my parents. As a first generation Mexican-American, my drive stemmed from my parents’ hope that their children would get an education greater than what they had the opportunity to accomplish.

From 2010-2013, I experienced symptoms that my doctors could not put their finger on: shortness of breath, significant fatigue, a dry cough that just wouldn’t go away, and eventually, I began spitting up traces of blood when I coughed.  During that time, I underwent multiple chest x-rays, allergy tests, TB tests, took allergy medications and used inhalers to no avail. In the fall of 2013, my now husband and I experienced a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks along when it happened. I know they say you experience shortness of breath during pregnancy, but it usually occurs much later in the process.  During those 7 weeks, I felt my shortness of breath intensify. Working as a pediatric SLP, depending on my patients’ abilities, I’d plop on the floor with them, jump around, or carry them from one location to the next if they were infants. I couldn’t understand why I needed to catch my breath so often, even when talking—because, hello, that’s my bread and butter as an SLP—so early in the pregnancy.

If we were going to try to get pregnant again, we needed answers about my lungs. My family doctor decided to send me to a pulmonologist to get a high-resolution CT of the chest. One week before Christmas, on December 18, 2013, we got the answer: Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM). I felt overwhelmed with emotions: shocked, sad, scared, and RELIEF—I finally had an answer! I was 29 years of age.

"LAM is a rare and progressive lung disease that occurs almost exclusively in women. It is estimated that for every million women, 3-5 will have LAM. LAM is so rare, that the medical community is not familiar with it, and for this very reason, my symptoms went undiagnosed for three years. Because of its effects, LAM is often misdiagnosed as asthma, emphysema, or chronic bronchitis. Chest x-rays are not sufficient to detect LAM." 

Is it my true belief that God had other plans for me. I always had that tunnel vision—work hard, earn a degree, make a difference in children’s lives, work, work, work. My career was MY THING; I worked my butt off to get there! In 2014, my LAM diagnosis progressed from a ‘mild’ to a ‘moderate-severe’ stage. I experienced 2 back-to-back right-lung collapses, invasive lung surgery, chest tubes, was on supplemental oxygen 24/7, began taking the only medication that could potentially slow LAM progression, and began consulting with Houston Methodist Lung Transplant Center. I had to leave my profession--MY THING. I have undergone much emotional and physical pain, but through this, I have learned to push my limits and to "stand out" for a reason. I have further explored the things I never thought I could do. I’m not completely there in terms of putting myself out there, but I AM evolving. I think it was God’s way of saying that there is SO MUCH MORE out there. It’s unfortunate that sometimes, the only way we step back to REALLY appreciate life is when we go through life-changing experiences. You know how they say, “What advice would you give to your younger self?” I think a more gratifying way is to SHARE your experiences with others before they ever go through any negative experiences in hopes that they will grip to something in your story and use it as a life lesson.

In “The Courage to Become,” you talked about leaving your career, making less money, and feeling less powerful and scared. I completely related with that. Before leaving my profession, I earned more than my husband and not once did it ever make me feel “more than” him. In fact, I felt we were equal. We both had a career in the healthcare field—we met at work—and I never had to ask him for money, nor did he to me. I took pride in being able to pay MY car, MY student loans, etc. on my own. It took an emotional toll on me and much, much time for me to come to terms with the fact that WE are a partnership. No matter what the situation, we will have each other’s back. I too feel blessed with “the one” I chose and that he chose me too.

LAM took a lot from me, but it has also opened so many doors. I have found other passions, including yoga, reading, considering adoption, and being an active advocate for myself and others living with LAM. Since diagnosis, family and friends have helped me host two LAM Awareness 5K’s in the RGV, and all proceeds went to The LAM Foundation to help fund research for a CURE. I had the opportunity to speak to a large room of LAM patients, family/friends, researchers and clinicians about my LAM diagnosis and hope for a cure at a LAMpoisum conference. I became a LAM co-liaison for my region and am a source of support for newly diagnosed patients and all those living with LAM in my region. My co-liaison and I host annual regional meetings for patients, family/friends and the medical community. I make it a point to speak to others about LAM because it truly takes a village to make this rare disease known—which is why I shared the LAM pamphlet with you. The more people that are aware, the more likely we are to find undiagnosed women to share hope with. I also take part in LAM research at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in hopes of finding other treatment options and a cure in the near future.

In Chicago as I shared my LAM story with patients/family/friends, clinicians, and researchers.

Approved by and Photo Credit goes to Kelsey Adams: K- Adams Foto Photography taken at LAMposium

Many have complemented me on my positive outlook despite the circumstances. The reality is, we all have it in us, we just have to choose. Sometimes, we’re just blind to all that is in us because we get so caught up in our lives. You and other writers/speakers continue to motivate me to LOVE and LIVE intentionally. After reading your book, although we never met, I felt like I knew you, and you were that friend that you can speak so openly to—hence why I practically wrote my life story in this email—oops! Your genuine, raw accounts of experiences encourage others to stay motivated. The way you spoke about sisterhood has a deep-rooted connection in my heart, because that’s what LAM women call each other, "LAM sister.” A sister is someone you love dearly and want the best for; you have a connection, a bond. I could feel the love your poured into this book, and the guidance and inspiration you wanted to impart on those reading it! Thank you for the prayer at the end of the book. May you truly know your life had a ripple effect on mine.

Best regards,

Frances Saldivar-Morales

---

To find out more about LAM you find them here, on their home page and on Facebook. 

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Shelly Weiser

I am originally from Louisiana and moved to Austin in 2011 for a change of scenery with the plans of going back home after a year or so. Three years later I bought my first house and I knew this was the place for me. I met my husband in 2010 we were married in 2011 and had an amazing little girl in 2013, followed by our super sweet son in 2014. Needless to say it was a whirlwind of five years, most of it spent just trying to survive the baby years. Now that my son is 3 and I have officially made it through that crazy time, I am realizing that I lost my self identity in the process and forgot that I was a woman and not just a mother.

Creating The Hive was basically me flying out of the tornado, raring to go!

THE HIVE

Coffee Shop + Co-working Space + Child Supervision + Beer & Wine = The Hive. Where you can be productive, or just be. The Hive is a brand new concept in South Austin offering parents and friends some much-needed time to get things done – whether working or just visiting with friends – while their little ones enjoy playing in a safe and fun on-site supervised area. We also have co working desks, a board room available, and a beautiful indoor and outdoor space perfect for meetings or just solo-working.

• What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway? (I can’t

really think of a good answer for this, but I guess this venture would qualify)

• How did it feel getting started?

When I first started this crazy journey it was exciting to say the least. It was something that I knew had to be done for so many reasons, for so many parents. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but I thought to myself “someone has to do this, so why shouldn’t it be me?”.

• Tell us about some of the obstacles you faced when you got started.

My main obstacles we’re not having any idea what I was doing and figuring it out on a daily basis. While I love a challenge, doing it with two toddlers was almost too much of a challenge. There were plenty of days that I woke up and just wanted to stay in bed and hide from commercial leases and fire marshals and just go back to making macaroni necklaces with my kiddos. My amazing husband would help ground me and then kick me in the butt again and remind me that I am just as capable as anyone else to do this and that all of the hard times would totally be worth it. 

• What motivates you?

My motivation is twofold: the first is to prove to myself that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to and to go to bed at night knowing that I kicked ass at something, even if that something was just catching up on a ton of emails or making it through the day with healthy happy kids, fed and (somewhat) clean.

My second motivation is actually my children. I know that this business will affect my family and our time together, but knowing that my children will see their mom kicking butt and doing something big will give them a positive example for when they’re older and facing that same potential struggle.

• Which living person do you most admire?

This might seem a bit cliché, but I truly admire my parents. My dad started his own business when I was very young, probably the same age as my daughter is now. Growing up watching him work so hard for what he wanted, while it meant that he sometimes had to work late at night or on the weekends, was such a great real life learning experience for me. To see him overcome struggles and continue the amazingly hard task of owning a small business was truly inspirational. My mom was extremely supportive of him, there by his side every step of the way. I know that she was out of her comfort zone as well (not necessarily by choice) but they pushed through together and made an amazing life for my brother and I, who are now both self employed. I’ve always pondered the nature versus nurture question, but feel that it is probably a bit of both. I hope to provide that same real-life example to my children so that they can see  (and experience) that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

• Which talent would you most like to have?

Hmmm, this is a tricky one. I’ve always thought it would be fun to have the talent of Barbara Eden in I Dream Of Jeannie. Can you imagine wiggling your nose and your kids have you eaten, taking a bath, and are in bed sound asleep? How amazing would that be?!?!

• What is your most marked characteristic?

I would honestly have to say my stubbornness. You didn’t ask for my best characteristic or worst characteristic so this covers both bases. If you’re talking to my husband about who loads the dishwasher the best, it may not be my best characteristic that he lists at the time. But in this endeavor, I think it has come in quite handy.

• What is your motto?

I haven’t given much thought to this but I would say at this moment in my life “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming”. You know you’re saying that in Dory’s voice right now. :) 

• What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

I look around at the amazing life that my husband and I have created, and I’m not sure you’d consider that an accomplishment but it is something that I am so thankful for everyday. Talk to me an a year and hopefully a will add opening The Hive to that answer.

• What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee deep in mud?

I will have to get back to you on that after I go respond to my 1,800 emails and then call the electrician, the accountant, and the caterer. Oh wait, what was the question?

In all seriousness, the only thing I can do is take it one minute at a time and know that every little tedious task will be worth it once The Hive is a well-oiled machine and I’ve accomplished exactly what it is I set out to do!

• What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

Do ALL of your homework and make sure that you know 100-percent, or at least as much is possible, what you’re about to get yourself into. Be prepared for the days that you don’t want to get out of bed and be ready to pick yourself back up again when you get knocked down (isn’t there a song from the 90s about that???).  Know that it will happen more than one time but nothing that is worth it will ever truly be easy. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. (you know you’re still singing that).

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

Real Talk About Depression

If you:

·       Have constant mood swings.

·       Are anxious all the time.

·       Have trouble feeling joyous.

·       Feel disconnected from your life.

·       Hesitate to go outside and partake in physical activity.

·       Feel rage.

·       Have thoughts of hurting yourself or other people.

·       If your life feels grey.

·       If your thoughts are heavy and burdensome and it all feels like doomsday.

YOU MAY BE DEPRESSED AND SHOULD SEEK HELP.

1)      Help is GOOD. There is honor in being self-aware and honest.

2)      You will be okay – and this is not “just the way life is,” your brain is playing tricks on you. Depression is complicated, but it is science. Depression is not about will power.

My first bout with depression was in 2014. I had become a mama for the first time and my hormones fell through the floor.

Here’s what it felt like.

·       I was disconnected from my daughter, and from my life. I was going through the motions, but nothing was really sinking in.

·       I also felt very insecure. I constantly felt like my husband was going to go find someone better. I was really paranoid and sad. I would hold his shoulders and cry, “I’m scared you’re going to find someone better.”

·       I would have horrible thoughts about my daughter dying. A LOT. They were terrible. I would imagine me hitting her head on a corner of a wall, or dropping her. The thoughts were horrific.

Everything looked great on the outside. I wore cute clothes. I worked out. I cooked meals. Nothing on the outside gave evidence to my interior thoughts or feelings.  Three or four months into the depression, it lifted, and I wept.  It was only then, only after it lifted, that I knew I had been depressed.

Depression is weird. It wears away at what is actually happening , and then it distorts it – until it’s so distorted – and you’re so far away from where you started – that it feels unreasonable to NOT BELIEVE YOUR THOUGHTS. You are sure, you are right. You are sure what you are seeing is true. You have collected all the evidence. You are right. Life sucks. Life is hard. Life is a battle. Life is grey.

BUT DEPRESSION IS A LIAR.

The second time I experienced depression was about 5 months after I became a mama for the second time.

We were on a family trip and my husband had sliced and cooked some hot dogs to eat with breakfast. Hot dogs are one of our girls’ favorite foods, and they are easy to cook and eat – so they are a family favorite.

I went to go serve myself hot dogs – and my husband suggested I eat the chicken he had made – since our girls would more readily eat the hot dogs throughout the day. (It’s important to note that we were staying on a farm, in rural Iowa, and the nearest grocery store was 30 minutes away.)

I raged on the inside but said nothing. I served myself every single piece of hot dog that was left and ate until I was uncomfortable.

Then I got into the shower, stood under the running water and sobbed.

The thoughts going through my head were, “He doesn’t think I deserve hot dogs! Am I not worth $8.00 of hot dogs? Does he not care about my needs?” On and on.

I came out of the shower, looked at him, admitting nothing – and said, “I’m not going to be as resilient today.” And he held me gently. We decided I would seek help when we returned.

A week later I told my OB/GYN the story and she said, “I’m glad you’re here. You need a lot of help.”

I didn’t know the Post-Partum Depression could be late onset – and since it felt different than the first time around – neither my husband or I flagged it.

This is what is felt like the second time around:

·       I was short tempered. Very short tempered.

·       I felt a lot of rage.

·       I talked about being violent toward people who angered me.

·       I had thoughts of my girls dying. All the time. The thoughts were all consuming – and they left me breathless.

·       I would have serious anxiety attacks that manifested as coughing attacks, where I would cough so hard I would gag and it was hard to catch my breath.

·       Nothing was ever “quite right.” I always had a reason to be angry.

Two times with depression, and if I’m being totally honest, maybe a third. Right now. It’s annoying and frustrating, because I know I am blessed. I love my husband. I love my girls. I am safe. I have a job I love – and yet, depression sneaks its way into my brain every night and I have terrible dreams. You know, the kind where they weigh on your body and mind and you wake up in a weird mood. So this time around, it looks and feels different.

Here is what is in my DEPRESSION TOOL BOX.

·       Talk therapy with a LCSW and a Resonance Re-patterner.

·       Prescription anti-depressants – prescribed through my OB/GYN

·       Essential oils – I use these all the time to keep my body and emotion vibrating on a higher frequency. I am a big fan of Young Living oils.

·       Exercise – I try to do some exercise, (alone – no kids), 4 times a week. One hour per session.

·       Massages – getting a massage breaks up the fascia around your muscles and helps relieve tension. It doesn't have to be an expensive massage, just a massage. 

·       Getting some sun – getting some vitamin D helps boost my mood big time.

·       Date night – alone time with my husband makes a huge difference for me.

·       Alone time – MUST GET ALONE TIME. I need this to reset from all the frantic moments of the week. I try to go for a walk, listen to a podcast, do yoga. 

.      Get off my phone and social media. Being on my phone is not rest, it's the opposite of rest. 

·       Get chilly – If I am hot, I angrier. I’m so serious! Turn down the thermostat.

·       Good food – eating organic and sustainable grown fruits and veggies makes a big difference for our body.

·       Cut our sugar – Sugar is the devil. Sugar causes major hormonal and consequently mood swings.

.       Time with God - praying, listening and connecting with God always grounds me. 

It sounds like battling depression is a full-time job, right? Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. It’s more about a well-rounded way to approach life, and when I honor my body and mind, it returns the favor.

If you identify with any of the feelings above – I will help you get help. All you have to do it say, “Maybe I need help.” And then email me, I’ll hold your hand through it.

I have been there, it is weird. I know.

You are loved and you are worthy.

Don’t let depression convince you otherwise.

The Courage to Become | Amy Wolff

My Courage of Becoming Grey || Essay by: Amy Wolff

My whole life I've craved security, comfort, safety, and predictability.

When I was young, my parents gave me an allowance with the clear expectation that I would give 10% to charity and put 10% into savings. The rest I could spend on whatever my heart desired (probably Polly Pockets). But every month I gave 10% away and hoarded the rest into savings. That's right, as a kid I opted out of 'fun' spending. I chose security.

Which also explains why I see things as black-and-white. Clear right and wrong. Neat and predictable. In my teens years this kept me out of a lot of trouble (you’re welcome, Mom and Dad!). As a rule-follower with an active Christian faith, boundaries were comforting, not restricting. I learned to easily navigate life within the walls of my morality.

But unfortunately walls that keep you safe also keep you isolated.

Over the last few years I’ve felt overwhelmingly defensive and misunderstood (particularly while scrolling through my social media feeds). I’ve been easily offended, often irritated, and if I were being honest, quick to judge. I’m surprised I don’t have permanent damage from all the eye-rolling I’ve done at articles, comments, or at headlines from particular news sources.

That’s what happens when you build walls; everyone on the outside becomes the unrelatable unreasonable other.

Surely this wasn’t loving my neighbors well - picking sides, shouting from soap boxes, and devaluing perspectives and opinions when they didn’t align with my own. It was exhausting and felt rotten. Something had to change, and it wasn’t the others. It was me.

This is my story of becoming grey.

I remember the moment the transformation started. Several years ago I was sitting on my bed scrolling through Facebook when I saw a friend share a video of two men, both gay, speaking at a Christian university. One was arguing that gay marriage is not in violation of God’s will. The other was arguing that acting on his sexual desires was in violation.

What amazed me was the respect these men had for each other. They were on opposing ends of a divisive and deeply personal issue and yet they still honored one another. Their talk included practical ideas of engaging in difficult conversations with people who disagree with you.

When the video ended, I sat there bewildered. Courage stirred.

That’s the day I started my journey of empathy - to understand and sincerely care about the others.

Shortly after committing to the journey, I met Lindsey, Missy and Patrick.

Lindsey: When the Black Lives Matter movement began, I decided that having an informed opinion on the issue required me, a white woman, to ask a person of color about their experiences and feelings. I looked around my friend group: there was none. I looked around my church: none. My community: none. So when I got into an Uber downtown Seattle on a work trip and noticed my driver was black, I asked if he’d be willing to share his perspective with me. It was brief but meaningful.

Eventually a more thorough, and to be honest more difficult, conversation happened with my new beautiful black friend, Lindsey, over dinner. I’m deeply grateful for her patience as she walked me through every hot-topic of racial tension (oh yes, hello white privilege). Because of this conversation over 6 months ago, I am slower to form opinions reading the news, more aware of my words and unconscious biases, and I’m less defensive.

Lindsey is not other.

Missy: Hard conversations continue, just yesterday in fact. I met a new friend Missy downtown Portland for lunch where much of our conversation was about abortion. She is pro-choice. I am pro-life. What does courage and empathy look like for us? We sat and listened to one another, even when it was hard. We asked questions out of sincere concern and curiosity.

When she chose empathy, she saw that I’m not a crazy conservative devaluing the heavy emotions and decisions of a woman with an unplanned pregnancy. I’m trying to protect a child’s right to live, as if it was outside the womb. When I chose empathy, I saw that Missy was not a crazy child-killer but a woman who deeply empathizes with the anguish of others – including women who are often denied critical medical care at pro-life institutions. In the end, she still protests and I still mourn lost babies but we will not villainize each other.

Missy is not other.

Patrick: All these conversations wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met Patrick in October of 2016. I was referred to Patrick after I had an uncomfortable experience with a client (I didn’t know what pronoun to use because I couldn’t identify their gender). Patrick was highly educated on the topics of sexuality and gender so we met for a quick meeting in a quaint coffee shop (it’s Portland, after all). Thirty minutes into our conversation, Patrick told me he was gender queer. I didn’t know what that meant so awkwardly, yet sincerely, I asked him. He was specific. He was patient. He was honest. Then he sought to understand me.

While the conversation was insightful, it was something Patrick said right before we left that struck me.

We have solidarity.

He explained, my challenge to be an authentic Bible-believing Christ-follower in liberal Portland was similar to his challenge to be authentically gender queer in a world that didn’t hold space for him. We’ve both felt misunderstood. We’ve both felt judged. But more importantly, we both share humanity and the deep desire to be loved and heard.

Solidarity.

We are more similar than we are different.

Patrick is not other.

This has been my anthem as I wade into new uncomfortable conversations. When I’m tempted to feel flustered or get defensive, I’m reminded that deep down, we want the same things. We want to be loved. We want to be safe. We want to be understood. We want to belong.

I confess, I still prefer things cut and dry. There are still non-negotiable black-and-white areas in my life, like my belief in God. Honoring Him is still my life-pursuit. But on specific issues, I was afraid that loving well meant compromising my beliefs. Or vice-versa, that being devoted to beliefs meant that I couldn’t generously love people who believed and lived differently. But I was wrong.

I have found that there are very few things that are black-and-white.

Most of life exists in the messy undefined middle, where there are diverse experiences, different perspectives, and deep emotions. This journey of becoming grey has been incredibly insightful and liberating for me. I’m not mad every time I open Facebook (it’s a modern-day miracle!).

It’s not comfortable. It’s not safe. It’s not predictable.  It requires courage to engage when it would be so much easier to stay within our familiar walls with agreeable people. But we can do hard things.

Instead of judging others, we can choose solidarity.  

We can lean into the grey together.

Essay by: Amy Wolff

Connect with Amy on her blog and at her passion project - Don't Give Up Signs Movement.

---

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Laura V. Tolin

Fearless in the Face of Uncertainty

          Before I launch into this crazy true story of mine, there are a few things you need to know about me.  First: I’m a planner.  I believe more things get done, and are done better, when you plan for them.  I’m the kid who, for the middle school band trip to Disney World, created a full-color info graphic for her friends to decide what rides were top-priority and to get everyone excited about all the planned activities we were going to do (much to everyone’s chagrin). 

              Second: I believe, despite perfect planning, our attitude and current environment impact what ultimately happens.  Even deeper than that, I believe there are many realities possible in a single moment.  That moment right before you have a car crash?  It’s been preceded by all the moments in your entire life that have lead you to this singular reality.  Think about that for a minute: every. Single. Action.  Sound “woo-woo” enough?  Maybe by the end of my story, you’ll come around to this idea.

              Lastly, you should know I’m a mom of two living in Austin, TX since 2008 with my husband of 9 years.  Our kids are 2 and (almost) 5, we have a dog and a cat and a beautiful house on a very quiet street.  I’m originally from a small town of about 3,000 people in West Tennessee called Somerville, and my parents are still there, living in my great-grandmother’s Greek Revival-style house on Main Street.

          I have a Bachelor’s in English and a Master’s in Theatre/Playwriting.  I tried to plan my life out so that I would never do anything but write. But life had other plans for me: kids, cars, houses, travel, living far from family – things that require me to hold a full-time job that makes steady money.  So, I’ve been a conference coordinator for the last 10 years, and it’s given me financial abundance with which to live my life. 

          But something was always missing.  Even though I have so much, and am so blessed, I felt restless. I want adventure, in the deep core of me. This comes from spontaneity, which is something that doesn’t come naturally to a planner.  I have a deep existential desire to experience transformation.

          Two years ago, I would never have done the things I’ve done today.  I wouldn’t have been as brave.  But here I am, ready to tell you the impossible true story of something that happened to me in 2016 that changed my outlook on life forever.  Something that encouraged me to be fearless in the face of uncertainty.  It was a “lightning moment” that shocked me into a new reality.  May it give you hope that your own moment could happen at any time.

PART ONE: The Choice

          I stared through the foggy window of my mother’s guest bedroom, just before 9am on Wednesday, February 10, 2016, at a small, unassuming Cruise America RV that was parked across the street by the abandoned elementary school.  It was unusually cold outside, and I was exhausted.  Just the day before, around 4pm, I had made the decision to pack up myself, my husband, our three-year-old daughter and barely three-month-old son, into our Honda for a thirteen-hour-drive to make it here.

              Because Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins said he’d be at my mom’s house at 9am.

          The day before this fateful morning, I was out and about with my baby Eli.  I was still on maternity leave, and my time was my own.  I went to HomeGoods and bought some candles.  I snagged a grande vanilla latte.  I got some lunch at P. Terry’s Burger Stand.  The week before, I was having lunch with my husband and baby in tow at a little Mexican place, and there amid the queso and enchiladas, I told him about Billy Corgan and how he was driving around the country to interview people about the “American Dream.”  In my fantasy-land of maternity leave boredom, I had written a nice, concise response to Billy’s website’s contact form, suggesting they go to my mom’s house in Tennessee because she has a lot of cool antiques that I knew Billy would like.  I put my contact info in the form, hit send, and forgot about it.

              On this particular day, I didn’t check my email until I got home, which is unusual for me as I’m often glued to my phone.  When I sat down at my computer, I saw a notification on Facebook.  Billy’s most recent live video popped up, and lo and behold I watched him walk the train tracks of Selmer, TN – a small town very near my own small hometown of Somerville.  He was snapping pictures of the tracks and abandoned buildings with his friend, long-bearded and brainy pro-wrestler Jocephus Hudson.  I couldn’t believe they were so close to “home.”

              My son, Eli, was still sleeping in his carseat, so I continued browsing and checked my email.  And there it was: the subject line read “Is anyone available?”  It was from Justin, Billy’s friend, and it read:

Hi Laura,

Would love to know what the availability is of doing interviews in Somerville today or tomorrow if possible.  Could you provide me with a contact number for you or your relatives?

Respectfully, Justin

          I did a double, triple, quadruple-take.

          It was almost 4pm.  It was a Tuesday. 

          At this very moment, I had a choice to make.  At this very moment, there were a dozen realities swirling in the ethereal sea above my head, waiting to see which one I would choose.

          So, I called my mom.  That was the first step, right?!  Mom had to be on board with them coming to her house. My heart was racing.  Mom picked up, and I explained feverishly what was happening.  Eli stirred in his car seat.  He would be awake soon.  Mom knew who Billy was, due to my teenage obsession, and she screamed a teen-idol scream.  She said yes, of course they could come, but what on Earth…?!  So I hung up and responded to Justin, giving them my Mom’s number.

          I live in Austin, TX, and Somerville, TN is almost a 13-hour drive away.  My planner brain kicked in, and I started to do the math.  Meanwhile, Justin called my mom, and she graciously said she needed to “vacuum” before they came over, to which he laughed.  And they said not to worry - they’d come tomorrow morning, around 9am.

          My mom told me the details and I started going through scenarios.  Not only did I have a three-month-old, but I also had a three-year-old, and a husband with a job.  I could take Eli with me and spring for a last-minute flight.   But who knows if we’d make it on time. 

          Then I made the craziest decision I’ve ever made.

          I decided that we needed to drive there.

PART 2: The Visit

          I called my husband, who was a high school teacher at the time.  He was just getting out of school to go pick up our daughter from daycare.  I tried to explain what was going on.  Luckily, he already knew I’d submitted that form last week so I didn’t have to explain much.  David listened calmly.  It was around 5pm.  I asked him, ultimately, “what should I do?”  After a few moments of contemplation, he said he’d bring Nora home, and we would drive.

          Holy. Shit.

          I immediately threw diapers, clothes, and food into suitcases.  I didn’t have time to pick and choose, I just had to throw things in.  Eli was awake at this point, and started crying to get out of his seat, so I obliged him and, holding him, continued working.  I sat down to breastfeed him right before David arrived home with Nora.

          We made the necessary pet arrangements. I called my friend Becca, who was in the middle of getting her hair colored, to tell her to “stop everything, Billy Corgan is going to my mom’s house,” and would she take care of my cat?  My mystified friend said, “Ok?!”  Then, we dropped the dog off at our local boarding place. 

          We loaded up and left at 6pm – in the height of Austin traffic.  We could barely make it out of the city and I worried we had missed our window of getting there on time.  Eventually, we did make it out, and committed to the long drive.

          At 10pm, both kids were melting down.  Nora asked why we were going to NaNa’s house and said she didn’t want to go anymore.  Eli just wanted to be held.  We calmed them down, gave them some food (and milk), and eventually, they fell asleep.  We pushed on through the night.  I had to wear headphones blasting electronic dance music at full volume so I wouldn’t fall asleep and wouldn’t wake the kids.  I had to take breaks to interact with the breast-pump and try to feed Eli as well.  It was madness, but we made it.  We arrived at 7am – 13 hours after we hit the road.  Any later, and we would have missed the whole thing. 

          Eli was still sleeping when we entered my mom’s house.   I took the world’s fastest shower and tried to do my makeup.  I was more tired than I’ve ever been, but I was running on adrenaline.  I didn’t even know if Billy would come.  I didn’t even know if this was real.  My mind cooked up a whirlwind of scenarios.  What if they were just coming to make fun of us?  I mean, what if they weren’t nice people, what if this was going to be an awful experience? What if my teenage idol didn’t “like” me or acknowledge me or if I didn’t ask the right questions, or look good enough?

          Thankfully, I didn’t dwell on those thoughts in that moment. There were so many unknowns, my head was swimming, but the exhaustion didn’t allow me to fully feel the fear.  All I thought was, “Will he show up?  Will they really show up?”

          Little did I know what was going to happen next.

          At 9am on the dot, the RV parked across the street by the abandoned elementary school.  Eli was sleeping and Nora was happily playing with my parents.  David and I watched as Billy and his two friends, all impossibly tall dudes, stepped out of the RV and rounded the big wraparound porch to the front of my mother’s house.  David checked in with me, “Are you ready for this?”  Bleary-eyed, more tired than I’d ever been, I smiled, and my Dad opened the door for them to walk through.

          I want to stop here and say this: I could have done anything in that moment. I could have exploded into tears.  I could have hidden in a corner.  But I stood there, faced Billy like he was a normal person, and shook his hand.  We explained that we drove through the night, and he was impressed.  What followed was Billy Corgan walking around my childhood home, admiring my mom’s myriad collection of antiques, looking into my childhood bedroom (what?!), sitting upstairs in our informal den and talking to us about his film project. 

          Holy. Shit, y’all.

          He interviewed my mom and I sat on the stairs and listened.  Then, he asked me to come over and interview with him, too.  He asked me questions that I had ALWAYS needed to be asked by someone – let alone by my favorite rock star. I can’t divulge much here as we signed a nondisclosure agreement (whoa!) but I will say, it was a lot about my upbringing and my hopes for the future.  I told Billy that he was hitting so many huge questions for me, and at the end of the interview, I cried, and he hugged me.

            After the interviews, Justin suggested that we all take photos, so I have photographic evidence, y’all – and videos.  Billy even stepped into the living room and played the piano with my daughter.

           The visit lasted about two and a half hours.  When they packed up and were all done, I went immediately to lie down on the couch and just let everything go.  I knew this was something epic, but I had no idea what it “meant” or even how to process it!  I messaged my old high school friend on Facebook and we met the next day for coffee in midtown Memphis.  I showed him the photos and videos and it was so surreal.  But even more surreal was seeing him and talking to him after fifteen years of very little contact.  It’s amazing what these big moments in life will make a person do.

          We stayed at my mom’s house an extra day and then we had to pack it up for the long drive home.  I was more thankful for my parents in ways I have never been before.

          You see, every single moment in my life had led me to this moment. If anything at all had been different, I wouldn’t have been able to make this journey and have this experience.

PART 3:  Returning Home

              It was close to Valentine’s Day and I had already booked a “crazy” trip to Houston for us to see a Cirque du Soleil show and stay in a hotel for the first time with kids – little did I know that we would be driving back to Texas from the craziest trip of our lives.  On Friday, we landed at the Houston hotel and crashed.  Staying in a hotel with two little ones and seeing the Cirque show was easy compared to what had just happened. I kept the experience quiet on social media and tried to process it throughout our little weekend together.

              We finally made it home on Sunday and I can only describe the feeling as that sinking emotion you feel after you’ve planned a wedding and it’s over: you get to the highest heights and then there is nothing left.    

              After I became a mother, I felt like a lot of “what if” doors closed for me.  What if I wanted to sleep in ‘til noon and have no one bother me?  What if my husband and I want to stay out ‘til 2am at a concert?  What if I wanted to just pack up and go on a trip one day?  What if I wanted to devote all my free time to writing and writing and writing?  I thought all of these what if’s were now impossible.  But now I see that nothing is impossible, especially with children – with enough consideration, they can come along for the ride, or they can be left safely with someone else, or they can be right in the mix of everything.  Adulting can be super hard, but we can’t let this life get to us.  We have no idea what the next day will bring.

              Since my experience, I have said “yes” to so many things in life and have received a resounding “thank you, here’s more!” from the universe.  Maybe It’s all about perspective, but I have asked the universe to bring me exciting opportunities and it has delivered.  That’s not to say that I don’t plan out these things, I most definitely do, but I am less afraid to do them now.  I am not afraid to ask for what I want and what I need.

              It’s only when you are knee-deep in uncertainty that you can make that giant leap forward.  When you’re unable to think, and there are so many thoughts swirling...  When everything you’ve ever done or known is staring you in the face and telling you that you need to back down – but instead, you rise up.  I can only liken it to giving birth – pushing past that point of complete uncomfortableness, to appear on the other end with a tremendous sense of relief and a new life in your hands.  We birth ourselves again and again in this life, moving inward and searching, being challenged outside, and finally emerging as something new. 

              There are so many factors that go into getting a person somewhere - physically, mentally, emotionally.  Every single thing you do takes concerted effort.  Pat yourself on the back for the little things and keep plugging away, because one day that “big” moment will come along and you’ve got to be ready.  If any one thing had been different in my life – my job, my husband (how amazing that he helped me get there!), my kids, my parents, even the place where I grew up, my actual mother’s house, my physical wellbeing that day -  ANY one thing, I would not have gotten to experience this.  The experience itself was great, but the getting there was the epic part.  The getting there was the adventure.  And afterwards, now, is the new world created by it.

---

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here



The Courage to Become | Penny Williamson Lucas

I am a survivor.  I am free.  I am blessed.  

I say these words to myself often. I have survived abusive marriages and my son dying in an accident when he was 9.  Some days I wonder how I’m still standing but then I remind myself that it’s God’s grace and love and the love of the people in my life.  

Timmy was my only child from my marriage to my high school sweetheart.  My husband was a young alcoholic who saw his dad abuse his mom so it was a normal thing in his world.  I divorced him when I was 21.  In 1999, Timmy was 9 and he fell on an electric fence while visiting his grandparents and his airway closed up.  He was alone at the time so no one was there to save him.  I was completely devastated.  I grew up in church.  Every Sunday morning/night and Wednesdays we were in the building.  When Timmy died, especially in such a horrific way, I was furious at God.  I didn’t go to church, pray or even let myself think about Him.  Why would he take my only child?  I couldn’t understand it.  Little by little my faith reminded me that God is in control.  I will never understand why my child died but I rejoice in the fact that I will see and be with him again one day.  I cherish every memory that I have.

Seven months after Timmy died, I was fortunate enough to get a job at the Texas School for the Deaf in the middle school office.  Being around the students helped fill the hole that losing Timmy had left in my life.  The friends I’ve made in the last 18 years here will be life long friends.  About 10 years ago I started doing community service projects with the students and I love it so much.  We have prepared lunch at the Ronald McDonald House, served lunch at a soup kitchen, reorganized the library and did sign language classes for the kids at the Helping Hand Home and various fund raisers to send money to different organizations.  Helping children fills me with much joy.  

I met husband #2 in Dallas night club in 1997.  This marriage had a new set of complications because he is black and in the 90’s it wasn’t that common around Austin.   I saw a whole different side of life and it was not always nice.  As diverse as Austin has a reputation of being, when I was out with him, I was treated horribly.  We would get seated in the worst part of restaurants and our service was not as good as I got when I was not with him.  I had no problem speaking up about it but it was unreal to me.  I didn’t let that affect my marriage or my desire to have children.  We are blessed to have 2 daughters who bring so much happiness and laughter to my life every day.  I was in that marriage for 8 years and though there was no physical abuse, there was mental and emotional abuse.  I wanted to make the marriage work badly.  We went to counseling more than once and I tried my best.  I couldn’t be divorced TWICE!!  But when you are married and feel single, that is no way to live.  I struggled with the thought of God being upset with me for yet another divorce.  Finally, I just didn’t think that He would want me to be so unhappy and He knew how hard I tried so I went through divorce #2.   

By 2008 I had been single for 5 years, really tired of the dating life.  I met, online, the biggest mistake of my life.  An ex-con who was the sweetest talking, most persuasive man I’ve ever known.  I believed everything that he said, including the lie that he wouldn’t hurt me again every time he did it.  After we were together for 6 months, he went back to jail, where I married him…I know, what was I thinking!?!?!  For the next 3.5 years while he was in prison, I was the loyal wife that visited every weekend, wrote every day,  and put money on the books.

When he made parole and came home, he put my daughters, my mom and me through hell for the following 3.5 years.  He was abusive in every way.  He would disappear, my money would disappear, my peace disappeared. I thought he was going to kill me more than once.  At the end of September 2015 was the final time I suffered his abuse. I finally followed through with filing charges and he fled the state.  When he tried to contact me, I didn’t respond. I had no guilt in filing for this divorce.  

The most often asked question to abused people is why did you stay?  It’s a very frustrating question to be asked because it’s impossible to explain.  People that know me and those that meet me can’t believe I was in an abusive marriage because I’m not meek or weak by any means.  It’s different for everyone.  I wasn’t financially dependent on him, quite the opposite.  I didn’t need on him for shelter or food.  We didn’t have children together.  I didn’t NEED him but he convinced me I did.  He isolated me from my friends and some of my family.  He made me feel that I couldn’t keep a marriage going and that no one else would ever want me.  He made me forget that I was God’s child, precious and worthy of being treated that way.  I was told once that abused people will stay in that relationship until they hit a wall and I found that to be 100% true.  I was so fortunate to get out alive.  

I was that girl that always needed to be in some type of relationship.  There was a desperate need to fill a void that I had inside me.  For a year after that final assault, I went into hibernation and healed.  The joy that he had taken away came back.   My girls, family, friends and church wrapped me so tight in love, forgiveness, grace and understanding.  I finally know that I am 100% awesome all by myself.  I don’t need a partner to fulfill me, I am more than enough.  I had constantly given that power to other people.  No more.  

For those who are in an abusive situation.  You are worthy of love, you are special, you deserve better.  Trust that I know it’s not easy to leave.  I know others don’t understand that….I understand 100%.  You are God’s child and He wants you to be safe and happy…so do I and everyone that loves you.  You have probably been convinced that no one else loves you…please know you ARE LOVED!!!

For anyone who has lost a child, the loss is always there but the burden of it gets easier to bear as time passes.  I focus on the almost 10 years that I was blessed to have him here as my boy.  I celebrate his life and that I was so lucky to be his mommy.  I wouldn’t trade that for anything. 

I am more thankful than I can express for my mom and my girls.  They have loved and supported me at my worst and my best.  As much as I tried to shield them, they had to live through a lot of the horrors of my last marriage had and I will forever regret that.  My sister, Bonnie and 2 cousins, Terri and Laura (the Fearsome Foursome) get me through life in a constant group text.  We support each other daily and I don’t know what I’d do without them.

I thank God for giving me everything that I have.  With everything that I have endured and overcome I love the person that I am.  I am a good mother, daughter, sister, friend.  My life is peaceful.  My finances are secure.  My house is full of laughter and love every day. 

When Catia asked me to do this blog and I looked at some of the former blogs, I was a bit intimidated at first.  I don’t have a business, I haven’t written a book, I haven't finished college (yet).  I’m just a country girl from Mississippi that has been through a few things.  The more I thought about it, there are probably people reading this that have lost a child or have been in, or are still in abusive situations.  My prayer is that I can give someone hope that things can get better.  I am proof. 

I am a survivor.  I am free.  I am blessed.  

Essay by: Penny Williamson Lucas

---

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

Saying Goodbye

Beau came to me when he was 4 months old, a rescue. The rescue center promised my then boyfriend that the dog, then named Snoop Dog, would only grow to be 45 pounds. When Snoop Dog showed up as my Christmas present I was not the happiest camper. I didn’t think I had the time or money for a dog. Turns out I did.

But surely he couldn’t keep the name, Snoop Dog. My goodness.

I was 21 or so and loved all things sports, so I thought about naming him Major or Mack, because I did graduate from UT after all. But those didn’t seem to fit.

Bo Jackson was my favorite athlete growing up. I mean, who was more amazing than Bo Jackson? But my dog looked more distinguished than a “B O” or so I thought, so I gave him a little southern flare. Beau. He would be Beau Jackson.

Beau and I became fast friends and then I became his mommy, and he became my Beau Beau. I worked in hospitality through all of my twenties and early thirties, which meant long hours. Which meant Beau needed a mid-shift break. I’m not kidding.

I would ask, plea, and at some point pay (I think) my cousin, my Comads and my brother, David, and anyone else who had time to go walk Beau in the middle of my work shifts. I was so crazy about it, I even made these people, doing me a favor, sign in and out with a time stamp. I was crazy in love with Beau and also a little crazy. I wanted the best for him.

Beau lived with me in Houston and then Austin, and then we made the long trek back to the RGV. Beau was with me through ALL the boyfriends, always gracious, maybe thinking to himself, how long are we going to be around this guy?

Back in our heyday, he and I would run to the park, soccer ball in hand and then play soccer together. My gosh. The legs he and I used to have. Greeks were jealous.

Beau went with me on road trips, to the lake, the beach, and always a welcome guest.

One day, I was thinking about dating this one guy – we’ll call him Bob. And Bob said, I’d like for you to come visit me, I can’t wait to see you! And then he said, but your dog has to sleep outside. I said, no way. Beau’s with me. He said, you’re picking your dog over me? I said, I don’t even have to think about it. Beau was my priority.

Every August we celebrated Beau’s birthday. The first few years, digital cameras weren’t really a thing – so I don’t have too many photos, but we’d celebrate with cake. Not special dog cake, Pilsbury cake, because – let’s get serious, I wanted it. And I knew he’d like it. Some years it was a swim at the lake, other years it was a dog party, but every single year, a cake, birthday hats and singing. Eventually the gig was up and so I started buying him special dog cake.  

When Beau was 5, he started to have leg surgeries. My goodness. Over the course of his life, Beau had 5-6 surgeries, maybe more, and they each cost a pretty penny. I went half-and-half with a boyfriend one time, maxed out my credit card 3-4 times and then I finally wised up and started saving some money for Beau’s fund. Every surgery, he was a champ. Beau was half Great Dane and half Black Labrador, so his legs were finicky. But he was strong and so beautiful. The most handsome. The King of Kings like my mom called him.

A few weeks ago I realized that God gave me Beau. Beau was God’s hands here on earth, working on me and growing me.

When I met Beau, I did not know how to care for someone or something and I certainly didn’t know how to love. Beau taught me dedication, devotion, consistency.

Love is an action, love happens every day, love feels good.

Beau walked me through my single years, moved with me to countless houses and apartments. He even entertained my stint with a neighborhood cat, Charles. He and Charles were precious. Every night when I’d get home from work, Beau and Charles and I would walk around our apartment complex together. It was a sight to see. A 100 pound dog, an 8 pound tailless cat, and me, free walking, no leashes, together.

Beau walked me into womanhood.  Beau walked me into being a wife, and a mother of two girls. I can say with absolute certainty that I would not be the woman I am today without Beau’s spirit, without his steady nature, without his love.

Beau took every change in our lives with grace. New car? Let’s do it! New house? Let’s give it a try! New food? Okay! New baby? Okay! Another new baby? Sounds good! New bed? That is what I’m talking about!

Then a year ago, our family dog, Mischa passed away. She was 14 and Beau was 12. And just after she passed, he started to let go a little. It was as if he was letting her get all the love and care she needed, and then when she passed, there was space for him to get care. So for the last year, Beau’s body has been loved on and cared for – extra.

A few months ago, Beau’s leg function really started to decline and he began needing assistance getting up and down stairs, then no stairs at all, and his joints just kept deteriorating. And I started to really think, wow, this is really happening. How do I do this?

I knew that I wanted to honor Beau in the highest way I knew how. I knew I wanted to send him out and into the next chapter of his life wrapped in love. I wanted him to be joyful and peaceful.

But how?

I watched him and talked to him. I literally had conversations with him. I said, “Hey Boo Boo Bear, this is what’s going on, what do you think?” And we would just sit and exchange energy. I would feel him and he would feel me.

I called in my therapist who does Quantum Healing, and she helped us. I called in a specialist who does energy healing, and we had sessions with her. I took him to his Orthopedic Specialist, we sought help from everyone. He was on prescription medication, yes, but also a ton of natural supplements and essential oils and flower essences.

Some of you may think I’m crazy, and that’s okay. I know, these things sound out of the norm. Energy healer? Flower essences? Yes. I believe in these methods 1,000% percent.

When Beau could no longer walk up and down stairs, Guapo and the girls and I moved our life to the first floor.

Then a few weeks ago, I started to overnight next to him, on the floor. We would just have an old school slumber party. It was a great feeling, like he was a puppy sleeping in my bed again.

Then last week, I left to California for a meditation retreat. While I was there, I focused on Beau, on his energy. I focused on connecting with him and wrapping him in white light. I dedicated every yoga, Qigong, and mediation session to him. As much as my little brain and spirit could concentrate on him, I did.

When I got back to Austin, Beau hurt his leg so bad that he was wincing when I tried to move him, and then I knew, it was time.

I called in the energy healers again and made an appointment for Beau to get his angel wings.

Making the decision to call, and the call itself is indescribable.

We spent his last days enjoying the sun and green grass as much as we could, eating treats and being so very close to each other. I made our slumber party room beautiful with candles and flowers. If we were sitting or lying, we were touching and syncing breaths.

And then this morning, as the sun was shining. Beau and I shared worship music, bacon, a spring breeze and his last moments. He looked handsome and had joy in his heart, even on his final day.

Two things.

I am in grief. After Beau left our home today, I showered and let the water run over me and I closed my eyes, and for a split second, I had no idea where I was. I had to open my eyes and touch the shower walls to check-in.

And

Thank you, God. Thank you for Beau. Thank you for sending Beau Jackson, to be your hands here on earth for me. He is one of the greats.

--

Beau Jackson,

Quite a love letter, huh buddy? I know. Listen, you’re my guy. This is just the beginning of me loving on you in your new form. Remember, I told you we’d be able to feel each other on the other side? Well here we are. This is the start of that. Mommy feels you, here, right now. The space you occupy in my heart will continue to get bigger and bigger. Beau Jackson, mommy loves you. I’m going to go to sleep now. Let’s meet in our dreams.

We are packing our bags and moving to....

Guys, we have 3 weeks left in Austin. I can't even believe it. 

The place that is OURS, the place where Beau and I earned our stripes and ran 6 miles to the park...before my work shifts!  

The place where I met my husband and married him under an oak tree.

The place where I prayed for my baby girls, and brought them into the world. The place that has endless tacos and football. We are saying goodbye. 

As a family, we have been on quite a ride since 2012. Guapo and I met and dated and married. We had pregnancy scares (health of our oldest), we went through IVF (so hard), we moved houses 3 times, said goodbye to our beloved Mischa, and had career roller coasters. We have lived a lot of life in 6 years - and we are ready to push pause. 

As a family we decided to take some time and get off the hamster wheel of life, to sell and giveaway our stuff, pack our bags - and find some quiet to time to be with each other. 

May 5th is our last day in Austin, and a few weeks later we are moving to Panama!!!!! 

I don't have a lot of answers. How long will you be there? What will you DO? All we are really focused on is regrouping as a mama, papa and two young girls. Just being with each other, taking some time to adventure and really be intentional about our time together. 

Society says that now is the time for me to strike while the iron is hot. This career of mine is just getting up off the floor. Books are selling, I'm getting paid speaking gigs, I'm doing a TEDx talk in a few weeks for crying out loud! (Super fun and amazing). But I am just going to stop - and live and let the land lie fallow. I trust that God will make use of this time and will make use of me and my gifts on the other side of this. 

I moved to Austin in the fall of 2001 as a freshman in college, and have lived here on and off, but mostly on. 17 years! Holy cow. 

I'm one of those people who says "It wasn't like this when I was in college...." ha! 

I am excited about slowing down and BEING with my family.

I will miss Austin, and maybe we'll come back, but maybe we'll find a new place to plant roots and enjoy this little life of ours. 

The Courage to Become | Jessica Honegger

In July 2017 I reached out Jessica Honegger via Instagram.

I thought, what do I have to lose?

I had been falling head over heels with Noonday Collection, a company she founded and is CO-CEO of.  If you’ve not yet heard of Noonday Collection, get ready for your heart to be cracked wide open.

Noonday Collection serves people worldwide by providing opportunity for dignified work. They walk into corners of the world where there are beautiful people and beautiful cultures, but not beautiful opportunity – and then, they create it.

Noonday creates a big, wide open space for artisans in underdeveloped countries to flourish. Noonday sources handmade, fair-trade accessories and through a network of upwards of 2,000 ambassadors – creates a marketplace for artisans to show the best of what their culture has to offer.

In July 2017 a few things were happening in my career, season 1 of The Courage to Become: Sister Stories of Hope had wrapped up, season 2 was about to begin. My first book, similarly titled, The Courage to Become: Stories of Hope for Navigating Love, Marriage and Motherhood, was about to publish. 

Reaching out to someone as accomplished and impactful as Jessica can bring up all sorts of nerves. What right do I even have to reach out to her?

--

About 6 years ago my brother asked me to go sky diving with him.

The night before our jump, I had butterflies, BIG ONES. Getting into a plane with AN OPEN DOOR, made my knees wobbly. Flying in a plane, seeing the trees get smaller and smaller as we flew to 10,000 ft. made me sweat. And approaching the of OPEN DOOR of the plane while 10,000 feet in the air –knowing I would be LAUNCHED OUT made me question my sanity.

The diving instructor yelled, “Squat, approach the door, and hang your toes over the side of the plane.” OH CRAP.

Then he said, “Make yourself into a tiny ball and on the count of three, we’re going. One, two, AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

I was free falling from 10,000 feet negotiating a smile while my cheeks flapped in the wind.  

Was the hardest part landing? Falling? No.

The hardest part was the lead up.

So when I make big asks, like reaching out to Jessica -- I remind myself the hardest part is the lead up. If I can garner enough energy and courage to launch -- the rest will be fine.

So I launched, made the big ask and after some coordination - the day came! I was on my way to the Noonday Collection home office to interview Jessica.

DREAM DAY!

I prayed that God would keep me grounded in kindness and love and that I would remain present.

The space was beautiful and useful, just like their mission and just like each of Noonday’s pieces.

Jessica greeted me with a big hug and we were off, chatting like two normal gals!

Here’s how the interview went:

What’s one thing you are proud of becoming?

“I am proud of becoming a woman who is not afraid to be herself. In high school, there were two distinct parking lots, the west parking lot and the jock lot.” She said, “I had friends in both groups and always went between the two. I have learned to hold the tensions of seemingly contradictory feelings or things. I can love hiking and rock lash extensions, love fair-trade and also love luxury, love green smoothies and chips and queso!”

What keeps you going when you’re knee deep in mud?

“I have been exposed to real suffering in the world. I have seen poverty and malnourishment and broken systems. I believe it’s my clear assignment to contribute to these areas. How can you get stuck when you know so many things need help?”

What’s your version of making it?

“I have a certain sense of making it. I am satisfied with my career. There is a certain sense of being settled in Austin and in Noonday. That said, my bigger version of making it is having transformed thousands of people’s lives. A lot more change can be affected.”

Do you think you’ll do Noonday forever?

“Yes.”

What are your hopes for Noonday?

“I hope that Noonday continues to grow and become a household name. There are pockets of people we still need to introduce Noonday to. I want to shine a light on Noonday’s story and community through the Going Scared podcast and my upcoming book, Imperfect Courage.”

What’s one think you’d still like to become?

“I would like to become more productive. And more importantly I would like to become reflexively peaceful and loving.”

Being Noonday’s fuel requires a lot of hard work. Who modeled grit for you as a child? Where did you learn to work so hard?

“I learned grit from my parents. You know, I was industrious as a kid. I would sell handmade jewelry. Both my parents worked really hard. My mom sold homewares and decorations out of our home while my Dad worked hard outside the home.”

What’s the biggest surprise Noonday has brought you?

“It’s all been a huge surprise, an absolute adventure.”

--

Toward the end of our chat, we started talking about my book, The Courage to Become.

And Jessica got up from her seat, walked over to a side table and said, “I think I have it here. Oh yes, here it is.”  And she pulled out my book.

Sometime in the fall, Jessica posted on Instagram and the spirit of the post was, What Can I help you celebrate? And I commented, “I just published my first book, The Courage to Become!” And she commented, “Grabbing a copy now!” And I thought it was sweet of her to show enthusiasm, but in no way did I think she’d follow through.

So when she pulled out my book a few things were going through my mind.

The first was gratitude, and the second was, she is who she says she is.

She is a cultivator of community, a true supporter, a woman’s woman.

--

I know what you’re thinking, where are all the photos of this wonderful day?

I didn’t take one photo.

In today’s day and age of promotion and hashtags and riding people’s coattails – No photo? No proof? No perfectly curated photo of this magical meeting. NOT ONE.

Before I walked in, I prayed to God that he would help me stay in the moment and stay grounded, and he did just that.

I just knew – it wasn’t a moment for selfies, or hashtags or Instastories – it was a moment to connect. 

I hope you’ve gleaned a little more about Jessica’s heart and Noonday’s mission, but what I really want you to know is that she brave, and loving and that she tries – really hard to change the world for the better, every day.

I want you to know that she loves her family with all she's got.

And I want you to know that she believes in you and when and if you’re ready, Noonday Collection will welcome you to the table of creating community, impacting social justice and creating dignified work for people all across the globe.  

Visit Noonday Collection on the web, on Facebook, on Instagram

Visit Jessica Honegger on the web, on Facebook, on Instagram

---

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

Pick My Brain - Tips for Writing a Book and Getting it Published

You guys know I love taking what I've learned and teaching it. And now I get so many questions and requests to "pick my brain" about writing and publishing - that I thought I'd summarize a few important details in one place. Here we go! 

Write the book (easier said than done, but everyone has their own strategy.)

          -I committed to 60 minutes a day. 60 minutes of writing, 5 minutes here, 20 minutes there, until I completed 60 minutes.

Get it edited

            -I used on online editing service called Scribendi. They are relatively affordable and have a quick turnaround time.

Find an author coach

             - God’s grace led me to Scott James. He was my author coach and a book shepard of sorts. He helped me create a book proposal, kind of like a business plan, for my book. The book proposal is key. Having a well done book proposal makes a huge difference in the eyes of publishers and agents.

Research publishers and literary agents

              -Heads up, this takes a lot of work.

              -There are three types of publishers:

Traditional (think, they send money before you have sold any books. They “buy” your book, your writing. Traditional publishers are the most difficult to be picked up by, they take a larger chunk of the royalties. Most people who work with traditional publishers get in because of their literary agent.

Hybrid- In this set up, the author pays the publisher to publish the book, so there’s less risk for the publisher. Here, the publisher helps with graphic design, marketing, distribution, and other areas.

Self-Publishing- Self-publishing still has some stigma attached to it, but it’s lessening over time. This form of publishing requires the author to do all the big and small details. Write the book, find the graphic designer, create a platform, ISBNs, promoting, selling, etc. It’s a ton of work with 1,000,000 small details.

• Once you know what kind of publishing avenue you want to tackle, go for it.

• If you’re going the traditional or hybrid route– do your research on what publishing houses are looking for. They are not all always looking for every genre. Also, do your research on literary agents in your genre. They are also looking for specific types of authors and genres.

• Once you know who you are sending it to – send your book proposal. Sometimes they reply and sometimes they don’t. One took 1 year to reply to me!

• One tip is to follow authors on social media who are in the genre of book you want to publish. Who do they work with? Where have they published? Start going down the rabbit hole.

• If you are self-publishing, I highly recommend finding 2-3 editors. You’ll want your book to be edited 50 times before it goes to print. Your eyes do not qualify as editing. Authors are so familiar with the material – it’s easy to gloss over mistakes.

• Always check in with your author coach. They will know pitfalls and will help you steer clear of them.

• Always be working on your platform. A platform is your audience. It is very rare that an unknown person writes a book, and people buy it. Most first time authors sell books to their families and friends. I definitely do not mean to sound like a downer, but selling books is really tough. Even with an engaged fan base, it’s tough to sell books. Building and cultivating a platform is key.

Here is where things get different for everyone.

• If you have been picked up by a traditional publisher (congrats!!!! They will take it from here.)

• If you are working with a hybrid publisher – they will help guide you with design and distribution.

• If you are self-publishing – there’s a lot of work to do – but you can do it! I self-published and figured out a way!!! There were 1,000,000 tiny steps and I’m happy to coach you and teach you what I learned along the way.

If you’d like to set up a coaching session, you can email me at catia@catiaholm.com

Best of luck!!! You can totally do this.

PS – From the time I started writing to the time I had the book in my hands, was about 3 years. It is a long process. Don’t get discouraged with the time frame. If God has put this dream in your heart – pursue it. It will be become a reality!!!

---

Have you bought my latest book, The Courage to Become: Stories of Hope for Navigating Love, Marriage and Motherhood? Been meaning to?  Now's your chance! You'll love it!

But don't take my word for it - here are some customer reviews.

AND IT'S RATED 5 OF 5 STARS ON AMAZON (I'm yelling in excitement!!!) 

Customer reviews for The Courage to Become

• "Thank you for not always trying to be perfect. Being genuine is way cooler!"
• "I'm a first time mom and this book saved me!"
• "Such a testament of hope and womanhood!"
• "If you are a mom or a woman, you need this book!"

Grab a copy now and feel "validation, validation, validation.

Know someone is the seasons of early marriage and motherhood?
This is a perfect gift. Help them feel supported and loved.

Amazon - Barnes & Noble iTunes + Audible (I narrated the audio book myself)
Book People (shop local!) - Kindle. 

Book reading + signing at Book People in Austin, Texas

The Courage to Become | Charlotte Kikel

I was only 26 years old, and life as I knew it was over. In the late spring of 2002, I could barely walk up a flight of stairs. I couldn’t believe it because I was an athlete. I had been a competitive swimmer through college and a recreational triathlete, so for my legs not to have the energy to get me up the stairs was alarming, to say the least.

I felt like I was wearing twenty-pound weights on each limb and all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and watch movies. A few days prior to this I thought I had just come down with a cold, but now I knew something else was going on.

So I did what most people do and went to my doctor who put me on a round of antibiotics.

They didn’t work.

So I went back to my doctor who put me on another round of antibiotics.

They didn’t work.

Third times a charm, right?

I returned to my doctor for yet another round of antibiotics.

They didn’t work.

Do you know the frustration of taking a drug and it not working, and possibly making things worse? Most of us do.

The fourth time I showed up to my doctor’s office, not only was I even sicker, but I was exasperated. The experts who were supposed to be helping me weren’t helping me! Somehow, I had a spark of fire still left in me, and I demanded blood work. At 11:30PM, I got a phone call from my doctor telling me to go to the emergency room. My white blood cell count and liver enzymes were off the charts.

When I got to the ER, they took one look at me and then my file and said, “Hmmm. Looks like your gall bladder’s in trouble.”

This made zero sense to me. The gall bladder helps digest fat. I had never had a problem digesting fat. $5000 dollars worth of tests and 8 hours of a sleepless night later, I heard a doctor talking outside my door, “Has anyone tested her for mono? She’s a textbook case.”

They ran that test.  It was $15. It came back positive, and they sent me home with the wisdom of a grandmother: sleep and drink lots of water. I had a viral infection called mononucleosis, and the medical system has no tools for this.

I went into a deep, dark depression from the inflammatory cascade occurring in my body. I had excruciating headaches and panic attacks. I passed out five times in restaurants due to low blood sugar. I slept 12 hours a night, took 3 hour naps, and still didn’t have any energy.

This illness also destroyed my relationships because here’s the deal: I looked healthy. So if you look healthy and the doctors can’t find anything wrong with you, then you clearly have a mental problem, right?

Wrong.

After a few years of living in this hell hole, I contemplated suicide on my bathroom floor. I know I’m not alone: 10 million Americans contemplated suicide last year and those are just the people who are willing to admit it. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/10-million-us-adults-seriously-considered-suicide-last-year/

Brushing my teeth seemed like an extraordinary task. I had this strange red rash around my hairline, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. My joyful spirit that wanted to engage with the world around me was trapped in a body that didn’t want to be here. I couldn’t reconcile this and wondered how much longer I could go on.

It sounds corny, but something deep inside of me told me not to give up. Curiosity, anger, and God kept me going. How did this happen? How did I go from swimming 3 hours a day to having a difficult time walking up a flight of stairs? What in the actual fuck is going on here?

After a conversation with a nutritionist and a friend of a friend who had a similar experience, I had a sneaking suspicion that the fact that my dad was vice president of Imperial Sugar in Sugar Land, Texas had something to do with my illness. Turns out I was right. With what energy I had, I started reading books about nutrition and holistic healing. Fifteen years later, I now have a library of over 300 health-related books.

Sugar, along with excessive exercise, too little sleep, and a stressful job, were the perfect storm for the collapse of my vitality.

The good news is that with a tincture of time, herbal medicine, and significant dietary and lifestyle changes, I got better. Much, much better. I got my life back, and this time it’s better than it was.

I have plenty of energy to move through my day. I can think clearly. I love my work and my husband. Life feels like worth living again.

I ended up pursuing a 2-year certificate in nutrition from Bauman College and obtaining a Master’s of Science Degree in Western Herbal Medicine from the Maryland University of Integrative Health in an effort to understand what had happened to me and how others could prevent it from happening to them.

I now know that same wisdom flowing through my body that resulted in chronic illness is the same wisdom that healed me. I got sick because I asked my body to adapt to the impossible. I controlled it every step of the way, until it made me surrender. Now, I have no choice but to listen to my body every single day or I suffer.

It takes courage to heal. I had to give up everything I loved to reclaim my vitality.

I am no longer a competitive athlete. I participate in gentle restorative activities.

I no longer eat sugar and have dreams of owing a bakery. I had to create a new career – one that would respect my health AND enhance the health of others.

We can’t have pets in our home. I had to find a new home for my dog.

And when I gave birth to our son at home at the foot our bed, and then slipped back into another deep, dark inflammatory depression, I saw it this time. I saw the opportunity for another layer of healing. I saw the need to hibernate with my baby. Under very different circumstances, I had to give up who I knew myself to be all over again.

As a direct result of that transformation, I wrote a book titled Eat in Peace to Live in Peace: Your Handbook for Vitality. I just couldn’t keep all that I have learned to myself, so I wrote it down for you…in the name of hope and for the courage to become.

---

Charlotte Kikel, MS, NC, ACN, MCPP
Board Certified Holistic Nutritionist & Registered Herbalist (AHG), Eat in Peace Wellness Consulting
512-587-0338 //http://www.charlottekikel.com

Schedule appointment herehttp://eatinpeacewellnessconsulting.fullslate.com/

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Find Charlotte’s book, Eat in Peace to Live in Peace, here!

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

 Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Naya Weber

My family and I have been living in the Austin area for about three years, after moving from our home of eight years just outside of Fort Worth. My husband found his dream job, which required us to leave our friends and move down I-35. The timing of the move couldn’t have come at a worse time: I was only 3 months postpartum after having our second son. At a time when I needed my village the most, I ended up a few hundred miles away.

While I did know people in Austin (a grand total of 4 people in the whole area), navigating a new city with a toddler and an infant was daunting. Because I had no idea where anything was and traffic scared the living daylights out of me, and we ended up staying home a lot. I kept the kids entertained with crafts, books, and watching more TV than I care to mention. However, I felt like a prisoner inside our apartment. What I didn’t realize was that I was developing a case of postpartum anxiety and depression.

We moved to a rental home in south Austin a few months later. I was grateful to have my own space for a while, a backyard to play in, and parks nearby. Despite the relief, my temper was out of control. My husband has always been a good gauge for my behavior and he gently let me know that I needed some help. He felt like he was walking on eggshells around me. I finally sought out a therapist and started meeting her weekly to get through this. After the first visit, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me and I wished I had found her ages ago.

Part of her care plan for me was to get out of the house and meet people, specifically other moms. She also helped me frame the recent life changes in a different way – I was getting a fresh start in a new city.

I took the opportunity to pursue something I was passionate about while living in Fort Worth: I went back to school to finish education in order to become a lactation consultant. Supporting breastfeeding families was something I was very passionate about and did on the side prior to our move. Getting back to that part of me helped me so much.

I also met a number of wonderful women through a stroller-based fitness program. Being around other mothers felt great. They couldn’t have been kinder or more welcoming. Before long, I was one of the gang and had a good group of friends I saw several times a week. We’ve attended each other’s kids’ birthday parties and dropped off food after a new baby or illness, and more.

Fast forward to present day: I’ve completed all of the prerequisites to sit for the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) exam, and rocked the test this past October!!!

The moms I met are still very much a part of my life, and we see each other at least once a month to catch up. I did run into several obstacles while going back to school, namely childcare. Not having old friends or family around made it challenging, but my mama village came through in the form of meals, childcare, and sharing their babysitters. Any mother will tell you that a good and reliable babysitter is worth her weight in gold!

More than anything, I’m grateful to feel more like myself than I have in years. I feel settled and like I have a purpose. I’m not who I was prior to the move, I’m a new and improved version of myself that is somehow still the same person I have always been.

Another layer has been added on to a solid foundation. Something that helped me through the difficult time was that it was okay to let my guard down and ask for help. Whether it was for my mental health or someone to watch my kids for an hour so I can get groceries, it is okay to reach out to others for assistance. It is okay to be vulnerable.

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I love Naya's ability to keep it real. The more we surround ourselves with authentic women  - the easier it us for us to be our true selves! Keep up with Naya here! 

Naya Weber, CLEC

Lactivist in Louboutins

FB/LactivistInLouboutins

@ohheynaya (Instagram)

@ohheynaya (Twitter)

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Sincerely Sarah Photography

Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Angela Fry

The Courage to Become a Mother 

My husband and I waited a 15 months before we actively started trying to have a baby after we were married. By month 20 I was concerned. So, after much discussion, we decided to see an infertility doctor. We most certainly weren’t getting any younger and my need, my want for a child was in overdrive.

Did I have the courage for what I knew would be an emotional process?

Painful tests, Clomid, ultrasounds, Intrauterine Insemination is how I spent that summer and fall. Nothing. Nothing, but tears, lots of money spent, and sadness. Emotionally, it was like I was drowning. We took a break and went on a cruise.

Six months later after our heads were clear, we were relaxed and very hopeful that this time treatment would be successful. We met with Dr. Michael Henry and came to the decision that In-Vitro Fertilization was my best option at getting pregnant.

So we began our IVF journey.

On August 16th I had my IVF egg retrieval. Two embryos were transferred back to me on August 21, 2012. We prayed.

Four days before I was advised to I took a pregnancy test. And it was POSITIVE!

My pregnancy was confirmed with my doctor’s office and less 2 weeks later I had my first ultrasound. After much silence, my doctor said the four words I will never forget…”I think there’s three.” I cried and my heart felt like it exploded. We were asked to come back in a week for a second ultrasound to confirm triplets!

Did I have the courage to get through this high-risk pregnancy?

By 22 weeks I was the size of full term singleton pregnancy. A few days before my next appointment I felt like I was leaking amniotic fluid.

I was admitted into the hospital to monitor Baby A overnight. An ultrasound confirmed her fluid was low and that she was much smaller than the other two. I was sent home the next day officially on bedrest.

Ten days in and I was sent by ambulance from our local hospital to St. Vincent Women's Hospital in Indianapolis. I was admitted for observation for the contractions I was having. I was sent home the next day with medication if they started again.

My husband left for a work trip to Florida and the next day I was admitted into the hospital again. At 26 weeks 4, days I was there for the rest of my pregnancy.

Did I have the courage to survive this hospital stay alone?

I was kind of happy because the babies would now be monitored daily, but I had no idea just how horrible the next month would be.  An overnight stay in a hospital is doable. A week stay is worse. I was an in-patient for almost a month. I don’t wish that on anyone no matter the reason they are there.

On a snowy morning in February I stood up to go to the bathroom and thought I had peed. For some reason, I felt like I needed to let the nurse know. She rushed to get the doctor. He checked me and said “Call your husband. It looks like you’re having the babies today. What? Today? I’m only 29 weeks 5 days. Then I was scared.

That afternoon I was wheeled into the operating room for my c-section. Including myself and my husband, there was the anesthesiologist, 3 doctors, several nurses, and a neonatal nurse for each of the babies. I just laid on the table and cried.

Did I have the courage to do this?

Jase was born first. He was 2lbs 6oz and 15 inches long. He didn’t make a sound. I didn’t even get to see him. Seconds later Henley was born.  At 2lbs 3oz and just over 12 inches long, she cried, but I didn’t get to see her either. Sadie Marie came last at 2lbs 2oz and 13 inches long. No sounds from her either. She was whisked away too. I cried and cried and cried.

About an hour later I was wheeled into the NICU to finally see the babies. After 76, 103, and 108 day NICU stays I brought my babies home.

It turns out I did have the courage to become the mother that I always wanted to be.

Almost 4 1/2 years later I am here, surviving and thriving with happy, healthy, crazy preschoolers. Although them being born so prematurely wasn’t ideal, God had a plan for them. I can’t wait to see what else he has in store for my sweet peas. Their lives may have begun at birth, but it was life after the NICU that we all really began living.

Angela is the mother of 4-year-old triplets Jase, Henley, and Sadie. She spends her days loving and sometimes loathing the experience of raising triplets. When she’s not chasing three preschoolers you can find her blogging and drinking an entire pot of coffee in one day.

Connect with Angela on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Aseky Bonnaire

“Everything happens for a reason”-says everyone when something unfortunate or inconvenient happens.

My name Is Aseky Bonnaire and I live for that quote. I’m a millennial mom raising three boys in Sunny Orlando Florida. I’m married to my high school sweet heart, and childhood crush. I like to think I have it all figured out, but I don’t, nor will I ever, but let a girl think she does haha. I guess I should go into depth more about myself. I met my husband when I was 11 years old and had THE biggest crush on him. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. We dated from sophomore year all throughout High School. We did homecoming dances, prom, graduation, the whole 9 yards.

After high school we both went to the local State College. After the first semester flew by, I decided, I love this college thing and I don’t want a baby to interrupt anything. I went to my OB to get a script for birth control, and that’s where I found out I was pregnant. Literally at that moment, it felt like my entire world caved in on me. I was just going to be another teen mom. I was going to live a hard life, I was never going to be able to be on my own 2 feet, and I would have to rely on my mom forever. After our family found out and all the initial shock went away, we actually got really excited to be bringing in a life into this world. Renaldo Jr (RJ) was brought into this world October 23, 2012. We were young, and didn’t know what the heck we were doing, but we knew we had each other and we wanted the best life possible for him. Throughout my entire pregnancy I stayed in school, and even a week after delivering I was going in to take mandatory tests. Renaldo (my boyfriend at the time, now husband) landed a good job, making decent money (for a 20 year old) in customer service (he still works there BTW).

We moved out of my Mom’s house when RJ was 7 months old. We moved into a townhouse 100% on our own. We saved up as much as we could from Renaldo working 5 days a week, 50+ hours, all while I was in school full time. We felt like ‘we made it’. I don’t know if you remember how it felt when you first moved out on your own, whether it was college, or when you got married, but it’s an indescribable feeling. Shortly after moving I got my first “big girl” job at the hospital working in finance. Because of that job, I took a break on school, but also because of that job, we could afford more things outside of bills. When RJ was 11 months old, Renaldo bought me an engagement ring and asked me to be his wife.  For the next 12 months we planned our dream wedding, I switched departments at work so I could be home more, bought our first brand new car and went on a bachelorette/ bachelor cruise. Our wedding came and it wasn’t short of perfect. All of our childhood best friends were there, and it was just a great time with great people.

Shortly after our honeymoon we got pregnant with our 2nd son. My husband got promoted (this was his 4th promotion within the 3 years) but It was that pregnancy that I found my love for blogging, and connecting with other women via Instagram. That’s when I discovered the power of a hashtag LOL! Good pregnancy overall. He was born June 17, 2015. We brought him home to our little 2 bedroom townhouse. We knew we wanted to move into something bigger, but never thought we would be able to buy a house. Come on, we were only 22/23 years old. While on maternity leave, I got bored and saw an ad that went something like “you can have a mortgage as low as your rent!” so I called that number, one thing lead to another, obstacle after obstacle, few months went by, and we became homeowners. Shortly after becoming homeowners, I got pregnant with our third (totally not planned, I was breastfeeding. So FYI Breastfeeding IS NOT BIRTHCONTROL. It doesn’t work. Joel is proof haha) but he’s such a blessing and the perfect addition to our family. We literally brought him into the world in that home (no, seriously, I delivered him at home with no one but my husband and kids present). And now we are currently renovating the house from the floor up.

Not only were we home owners, we became homeowners at 22 and 23 year olds, with 2 kids, in the city where we both grew up, completely on our own, and not living up to the stereotype people categorized us in. There is such a negative stigma with being a teen mom. People automatically assume you’re going to live a hard and tough life. While YES, it was hard having a kid at 19, yes there were times we had no clue how we were going to put gas until the next paycheck, but did it stop us, NO! I feel that so many young moms and teen moms automatically categorize themselves and determine their future before they even give themselves a shot at anything.

Having a super supportive (emotionally and financially) partner plays a HUGE role in all of this. Renaldo and I are a team. We’re in this together. We grew up and matured together, and at the same pace, so we were always on the same page when it came to goals that we wanted to achieve. Buying a house is definitely not my ‘I made it’ moment, nor will it come from anything materialistic.  

My ‘I made it’ moment came in motherhood. Because RJ, my husband worked for that amazing job he has. Because of RJ, I found my purpose. I know that being home with my kids is where my heart found a home. When I had no friends (because all my friends are normal, and have kids at a regular age) I found comfort in the community of the women of the blogging, and social media world. Making connections with other moms from all walks of life, different backgrounds, all ages, is where I found my niche. Blogging and sharing my life with other teen moms is where I found sense of belonging.

It’s amazing when something is for you, it just falls into place. When I told my husband I wanted to get back into blogging, literally opportunity after opportunity rolled in. It’s like God patted me on my back, placed the right words in my heart, and whispered, “This is for you. Share your life, share your experiences, be a light where someone is in darkness. You got this boo!”.

I know this was a lot to read, but a girl got a lot to share!  I’m so thankful for crossing paths with Catia, and being able to share my story with you all! Thanks for reading and remember; whether you’re a teen mom or not, everything happens for a reason. What may feel like the end of the world is potentially a blessing in disguise.  

I call this, Becoming: Not another stereotyped teen mom.

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Be sure to keep up with Aseky on her web site, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Rachel Ritlop

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I’m Rachel, the blogger behind Confidently Mom. I often feel torn between Netflix binges and taking on the world, and Confidently Mom is really for other millennials facing the same struggle as they navigate this whole #adulting thing . I’m also a blog consultant, Forbes contributing writer, and dog mom.

What was one thing you always dreamt of doing, were afraid to do, but did anyway?

As a kid, I always dreamt of publishing a book. I loved to write and had tons of short stories. However, my biological father is European and in his country, “left handed people are stupid.” So whenever he would catch me writing, I would have to sit at the kitchen table re-writing everything for hours with my right hand. As a seven year old, that takes a toll on you.

I slowly stopped writing, because I didn’t want to get caught and go through all of it. In high school my mom kept pushing me towards STEM classes/careers so my creative side really died. It wasn’t until a series of traumatic events my senior year of high school that I found my way back to writing as an outlet for all the emotions.

Getting started it felt totally cathartic. This deep visceral release. At the same time I was going through some intense  cyber bullying, so as soon as I started to find my footing with writing again, I found myself totally afraid of the written word from my anonymous attackers. Once again, I decided to let it fall to the way side because it was just too painful.

I got lost in TV, movies, and music… avoiding the written word like the plague for another eight years. I found myself in the midst of a quarter life crisis freaking out about the unknown of my future when I said to my husband, “I’m just another confused millennial with no idea what to do with my life!”

And honestly, just like that the lightbulb went off. I bought the domain within an hour, designed a logo, built a website, wrote four posts, and “went live” to the interwebs in 48 hours! I had no idea what I was doing, where it would go, but I knew I just needed to write again.

What’s been the biggest motivating factor through my twenties, and ultimately launching my blog, has been this mission to help others. I honestly don’t think I would be alive today without the help from others. The random acts of kindness, the inspiring word, or even just feeling like I am not alone in my feelings have saved me and I hope to pass that along to others.

The other major motivator is the person I admire most, my husband. He has been with me through starting a business, pivoting that business, and gave me the courage to evolve it into a true lifestyle business that not only supports me, but supports my mission in life.

Alright… to answer your other questions:

Which talent would you most like to have?

I honestly have no idea! I think a skill I would like to get better with is my writing. Since I avoided english classes like the plague for years, I could definitely use a grammar refresher!

What is your most marked characteristic?

My honesty. I am a little too honest at times, and it’s definitely gotten me in trouble. But I believe in transparency and honesty if we want to grow or help others grow.

What is your motto?

“What other choice do you have?” - I’ve learned that life is going to happen, and all we can control is our reaction to it. I try to always lead with grace and dignity, even if I just want to throw a temper tantrum.

What are some things you are proud to have accomplished?

I’m proud of a lot actually so this is hard. Honestly, I am just really proud of how far I’ve come with my anxiety and depression. That I have a loving husband. I’ve been able to connect with so many amazing people through my blog, and support myself from my blog as well!

What keeps you going when you feel like you are knee deep in mud?

My readers! They send me lots of emails, DMs, comments, and positive vibes to get through it all. In my experience community and sharing our struggles is what makes walking with them a little less burdensome.

What’s one piece of advice you’d give to women who are about to embark on the journey you are on?

Keep your eyes on your own lane. If you’re focusing on what everyone else is doing, you’ll only become a consumer. If you want to build a lifestyle business or become a professional blogger, you need to have an original POV, and that will get watered down if you are reading every single thing published on the internet in your niche. For more advice I’d give on starting a blog, I’d recommend checking out these lessons from my first year blogging.

I hope to connect with you guys on Instagram, Twitter, or You Tube.

Essay by: Rachel Ritlop

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Ashely Solberg

Dearest beauties, my name is Ashley Solberg, and I’m the founder of She Is Blank Space. Myself and fifteen other ladies joined together to start a blog where we share about life, fashion, beauty and the things we love as moms. We believe there is strength in our stories as I learned strength in mine the hard way. Silently hiding behind my pain, I got nowhere, but once I spoke of what I had come through, I realized how much we need courage in ourselves to encourage others.  

One day, I woke up.

No, not by the beeping of my alarm clock or my kids poking me in the side before sunrise, but I WOKE up.

My innermost being was so lost, confused, and just flat out blah.

Everyday…crickets.

I absolutely could not answer the question of who I was anymore. Sad, right? Yeah, I thought so too. This started a long downward before an upward one. It was a lot of questioning and addressing things I was holding onto before I could start moving forward. I dug in deep, cried a lot of tears from past hurts, anger, and whatever else I needed to face. This was hard for me, a person that seemingly had it all together, to admit defeat and that I was failing at “life.”

In general, nothing about life was bad. I had a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a great paying salary job and by God’s grace, we’ve always had everything we needed. Something was missing though. That spark--I lacked passion and zeal. I allowed my light to be dimmed.

My bright light, little by little, diminished. The fight of infertility testing, waiting, hoping, with nothingness—dimmed. After finally achieving a long-awaited pregnancy, we found out we were having twins—my light started to come back.  Five months into the pregnancy, one of our perfect, sweet girls had a portion of her amniotic sac break away and entangle her foot and cord. The day before fetal surgery, it caused her to go on from this life far too soon. I could not grieve, I had to carry her, I had to be strong for our baby still with us. I carried joy and sorrow for so long I didn’t know how to feel just one—light extinguished.

We named our daughter that was with us, Ella Joy, which means a bright light of joy. Every day I clung to her so tightly amidst my tears of thankfulness and sadness. For hours, I would just watch her breathe. Becoming a mother was everything I could have hoped for, I truly loved her with every fiber and then some. Every milestone first I was truly happy at watching her grow, but I also felt like someone was missing.

At my worst point, I guarded myself by avoiding going anywhere completely and when I did, fleeing as soon as I could to avoid a breakdown when someone asked the “are you ok?” question. I guess I knew if I allowed myself to truly process, it would hurt too bad, so I just kept going, delaying my grief even longer. The saddest part of all of it, is I knew better. I realized that battle would always be and I had a decision to make of how much I wanted to fight it.

When my daughter was 18 months old, I felt like I was ready to walk through the infertility treatments again towards another little one. Things happened much faster this time as we knew what treatment course worked. We were pregnant, and not just pregnant, but doubly pregnant. Yes, you heard that right…twins, twice. We were over the moon, but also fearful. This whole mix of emotions seemed to be a thing for us and I grew tired of it. A few months pregnant, I decided enough was enough and I was just going to be happy where we were at minus the fear part. I enjoyed every bit of the pregnancy and my little toddler sidekick by my side. The twins were born at 33 weeks, but being a NICU nurse at the time (funny how life’s seasons prepare you for what you need), I was comforted by my co-workers as I stayed by their side and stuffed them full of milk for nine days prior to going home.

Then, well…life. Along with experiencing the loss of our Emmy before, becoming an exhausted new mom again (I seriously don’t remember the babies first six months with that kind of tired), but mostly going through the motions and convincing myself I was ok where I was just trying to stay afloat.

Things were different last year when all this She Is Blank Space business started, and although I remembered those feelings, I needed to discover what God wanted for me right now instead of clinging to my past and those coulda-woulda-shoulda thoughts. I had a new perspective and needed to filter through what that all meant.

After the air finally cleared for me, it seemed like everyone I knew was fighting against things in their health, marriages, kids-- anything and everything.

And then it happened, this pivotal moment that caused everything to collide. I remembered. I remembered what it felt like to be a part of something bigger than me, I remembered the things I dreamed about as a teen that I wondered how they would happen, I remembered what it should mean to be a great friend.

Out of the normal for this fairly quiet individual, I posted a random video of encouragement for others as I was also speaking to myself. Out of my own path I was still walking, this door opened my heart for others again. Even as I pleaded for someone else to be picked, because surely, I was in no position to do this, I could not escape my butterflies. It became evident I just needed to jump into something REALLY out of my comfort zone. As someone with a supportive family and amazing circle, I knew that we were very blessed and not everyone had this. What better place to offer this to others than on a website that could reach far beyond what I could physically.

So, what to call this new venture? I was drawing a blank (see where I’m going?). How do I categorize this when I want it to reach all women in different phases of life? It was impossible to put a label on it, and one morning while changing one of the twins’ diaper, it came to me…”She Is Blank Space.” No, not the void kind of blank space, but the blank space gets filled in with something. She is…confident, a college gal, rocking at mommy’ing, learning to be whole...you get the idea. This name allows us to talk about things in the present, but also towards the future and what we are striving after as we walk the oh so many shoes we fill as women.

I knew I couldn’t do this alone as we all have a story to tell and I asked around fifteen other women to join alongside me. Some of us are married, mothers, others in college still finding out what we want in life, some love to exercise, some love fashion and so on. Can I just point out how amazing they all are? We are always better together as women supporting each other.

While you could give me all the fun parts of what we share like food and DIY all day, my hope for She Is Blank Space is for each woman to find community and encouragement from other women who have been there or are there. Although I wanted this to happen right away, we had to build our foundation and I also had to transition out of my full time job to devote the time needed. I knew it would happen, but in the meantime, remained faithful to my job as a nurse, staying up super late to prep things for the next day for posts and social media so I could use my break time to get them published. We started to bring in a steady stream of income between working with other companies and our shop, but it wasn’t quite lining up to my salary. Keep in mind, I was completely clueless about web and graphic design, traffic flow, utilizing social media for things other than posting pictures of my kids!

Around the nine month mark since our launch, it became clear we weren’t going to grow any farther until I had more time to give. With three kids five and under, being a wife, full time nurse and being involved in ministry, the only thing that could change was my job. So, I handed in my two weeks notice, which they were not happy about losing me, but understood. That leap was hard y’all; I knew the hubby and I could survive on Ramen noodles if we had to, but our kids could not. However, I had such peace knowing that this dream would not have given me without a way being made.

And boy did that happen. Money came in from a random account I had with my old job equivalent to a month's pay, one of my husband’s pay checks that never got deposited was discovered, our mortgage went down and so on. I remained baffled by this whole process, but it’s amazing to see seeds that have been planted over the course of my life blooming into something I never would have imagined for myself.

So here we are, right in the middle of this amazing venture, and it’s time. It’s time to dig in a little deeper, truly bringing realness, vulnerability, love. In a world full of perfect social media pictures, we are going to those places that are hard, but necessary for growth. As a person with a love of gardening, it’s easiest to explain it this way: before new blooms can be achieved on a tree or plant, you must trim back the branches. It seems like it doesn’t make any sense to “hurt” the plant, but it triggers it to say, “hey, I’ve got work to do, I’m stagnant, I’ve stopped growing, I’ve wilted, I need to wake up, I need to grow again.”

So how about we bloom together as we find our courage to become, ok? Life is far too short to be walked out without purpose or in dry, empty places. For you, your friends, your family-let’s jump into our dreams together and allow ourselves to be willing to hear and act upon the tugs of our hearts.

Doesn't Ashley exude warmth and joy?! I think she does!!!!!!!!!!!

You can keep up with Ashley and She Is Blank Space here

Web - Instagram - Facebook - Twitter -Pinterest

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Emily B. Cummins

Four years ago, I decided to put permanent ink on my body. What I didn’t know back in 2012 was that those eight little letters inscribed on my wrist would become the anthem of my life and spark something remarkable in those around me as well.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted everything to be perfect. My hair just right. My childhood ballet routines beautifully performed down to the last move. My high school backstroke technique flawless. Perfect A+ grades, never missing an assignment, not even thinking twice about getting a detention. Getting into the right colleges. Choosing the right career. Finding the perfect guy. Making the best of friends. Showing the world I’ve got it.

You know, that it factor that everyone seems to want.

But, in tear filled frustration, I always seem to come up short in comparison to the world’s standards.

Not pretty enough. Not the star swimmer on the high school swim team. Not the valedictorian of my class. No handsome stud on my side. No group of BFFs I share all of my deepest, darkest secrets with. It’s like perfection just wouldn’t come—no matter how hard I tried.

And that’s when it hit me.

I will never be perfect. I wasn’t created to reach perfection.

God created me exactly as He wants me to be—and in His eyes, I am perfectly made. Psalm 139 confirms that. He created me to love and embrace this grand adventure called life; the problem was—and is—that when I was striving so hard to reach what I deemed as “perfection,” I couldn’t truly live.

The words of Deuteronomy 30:11-14 are empowering me with the truth that I CAN do what God commands me to do. I don’t need to have anyone else explain it to me, teach it to me, or tell me to do it. Obeying God is up to me. I just have to do it, I just have to choose to be who God made me to be. Following verse 14, God lays out some life altering, eye-opening words that can’t help but grip me:

“Look at what I’ve done for you today: I’ve placed in front of you Life and Good, Death and Evil. And I command you today: Love God, your God. Walk in his ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess.”

(Deuteronomy 30:15-16, the Message)

Live exuberantly. Really live.

I want that. I want to live free of the distractions of wanting to win popularity contests. Free from fighting so hard to be perfect. Free from avoiding messy, real, authentic relationships. Free from being so afraid of getting hurt. Free from trying to avoid failure so intensely. Free from striving to win the approval of others. Free from the icy grip of shame. Free. Free to LIVE.

Each of us are on a journey. Our stories are being written day by day and I believe our stories have the potential to really do something, to change the world. But only if we let them.

It really boils down to one thing: who will I trust to write my story? Me or God?

Perfection screams, “Choose me! Choose me! Only I can control how everything turns out.” But the kind of living Deuteronomy 30 shares whispers the truth, “Choose God. He IS life. If you choose Him, you choose life.” When I choose to open my hands and release my grip on false control, I’m no longer striving to “do” anything; I’m simply “being” in His presence, trusting Him to “do” for me that which only He can do.

I am becoming, becoming who God made me to be.

Each day a page of my story is being written into the threads of time and being woven into the very fabric of who I am. As I stand looking at the pages before me, I’m making a daily decision to choose to embrace this grand adventure called life and to trust the God who created me in the first place to continue to write the story of Emily. I am choosing to be her.

One of my favorite quotes from Shauna Niequist explains it this way: “This season is about becoming…walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe God is good & life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.” (Shauna Niequest, Bittersweet)

And that is why I chose to have “becoming” tattooed to my wrist. Every single time I look at my left hand, I’m reminded that life is a grand adventure. I’m reminded that the pursuit of perfection isn’t what God created me for. I’m reminded that I am made perfectly in Christ. I’m reminded to trust Him to write my story. I’m reminded to live exuberantly. But, most importantly, I’m reminded to embrace becoming me.

And from where I stand today in 2017, this idea of “becoming” is permeating everything I do and has sparked a movement of women around the world through BecomingMe.TV.

It’s embedded in my writing, ingrained in my thoughts, and interwoven in my conversations with those around me. It’s taken root in the reason why I get out of bed every morning and the hope I hang on to when the rain clouds come. Its my passion, my heart’s cry, my word.

I see women around me becoming who God made them to be too. I see them courageously battling life’s struggles and risking loving people who just might not love them back. I see them trying, setting aside the fear of failure and running towards incredible victory. I see life change. I see redemption. I see courage. I see becoming.

My battle cry is to invite women on the personal and courageous journey of becoming who God made them to be. That’s why I turn off my alarm clock and get out of bed each morning. That’s why I write. That’s why I dream. That’s why BecomingMe.TV exists, partnering with women as they’re becoming who God made them to be too through Blog Series, Becoming Stories, and Events. In becoming me, I see those around me becoming too and can’t help but be inspired and encouraged on the journey.

This journey isn’t just mine. We are all becoming and I want to invite you to join me. It’s time we lace up our boots, throw fear and perfection into the wind and live fully. Let’s be who God made us to be. Together, let’s become.

Essay by: Emily B. Cummins

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Guys, don't you want to go see Emily in person? ME TOO!!!!!! She is doing big, huge things to remind us that we are loved just as we are and that we were made perfectly. God didn't overlook qualities when he knitted us together - we have all that we need to live our lives well, richly and full of love and purpose. Thank you, Emily!!!!! 

Emily’s Instagram:  Emily’s Twitter:  Emily’s Facebook:

BecomingMe.TV Website: BecomingMe.TV Instagram:  BecomingMe.TV Twitter: BecomingMe.TV Facebook:

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here

The Courage to Become | Jena Cuellar Harris

Insecurity about my body is something I've never felt comfortable admitting.

Am I too short? Too muscular? Not curvy enough?

Ever since I could remember friends and family have always made comments about my body type. “Woah, look at those traps,” with a light squeeze on my shoulders. Or, “Those legs! They’re bigger than mine,” from a guy. And perhaps jokingly, lovingly, or admiringly but I don’t think anyone ever truly realizes how some of those comments can affect the way we feel about ourselves; How we harbor those comments deep down all the way into adulthood. 
We can even let some of those words affect petty decisions like our style of clothing to serious decisions like business opportunities and career choices. 

Being a young, athletic, female, can be extremely difficult when you are growing up.
When the majority of girls your age have softer lines and a more feminine build, you wonder, “Is it wrong to look the way I do?” Yet, at the same time, you love it! It can be quite conflicting in adolescence.

I've never been one to let adversity stand in the way of my goals. 

When I decided I wanted to go to the University of Texas at Austin to run track, I hunted down the coach during freshman orientation and told him I wanted to run for him. I'd been offered scholarships to other schools but I didn't want those other schools. I wanted to be a Longhorn. So my persistence allowed me the opportunity to walk on. I made the team, proved myself, and ran cross-country and track all four years of my collegiate career.

When my husband and I decided we wanted to open our second business, a juice bar in South Texas, we were faced with wary friends and family members questioning whether or not it was a good business decision. 

Of course, their worry was out of love, more than anything, but if that qualm didn't send us running in the opposite direction, surely the hesitance of others in the industry to give us advice would deter us, right? Nope! 

It was quite the opposite. We traveled to juice bars around the country to learn from others, we spent tireless hours in our kitchen creating our own menu, and spent money we weren't sure was going to be recouped on blenders, juicers, and ingredients. This past April, our store, Shake Express, successfully surpassed the first year "make it or break it" phase and we are entering the second year with much acceptance and excitement from our community.

I'll never forget, a year ago, a client of mine was sharing an experience he checked off his bucket list. He proceeded to ask me, "What's on your bucket list?" I told him, "I've always wanted to start a blog. I've wanted to for years." His reply was, "Well what are you waiting for?!"

In truth, I was waiting to be leaner? Curvier? Smaller or less muscular? Putting myself out there in front of the world to see was a scary thought for me. Will they judge me or nitpick at what I am or am not? Compare me to other fitness bloggers? 

So many insecurities and silly, unimportant, EXCUSES that hindered me from putting that "check" on my bucket list item. In the depths of my mind I could hear the voices of my adolescence seeping into my grown woman mind.

It wasn't until a year later that the topic of me starting a blog resurfaced. As business owners, some seasons can be tough. The fluctuation in revenue can be a bit unnerving. A few corporate career opportunities arose and they sounded safe. No worrying about what profits were going to look like for any given month or whether or not we'd be able to enjoy some of our lifestyle favorites during low season. For whatever reason, though, every time one of those opportunities felt like it was within grasp, it slipped away. Strangely, however, I was never upset or saddened about not getting the job. Perhaps, deep down in my heart, I knew that it's not what I wanted to do. God was steering me in another direction. But where?

I finally told my husband one Saturday afternoon as we floated around the pool, "I think I'm done trying to get a job. I have a job and I love it! I love my clients and I love what I do. But I want more!"

"More" in the sense that I wanted to reach more people. My client list was/is at full capacity. I can only help so many people, one-on-one, in a day. "How do I maximize that," I asked him.

My husband’s reply to me was, "Why don't you start a blog?" At that moment I stopped and thought to myself, "Have I ever shared with him my desire to start a blog?" I knew for a fact I hadn't. Maybe this was a reassurance that it was time. 

My husband laid out a game plan and told me that he would help me to take photos and record videos. His newfound savvy behind the camera married with my journalistic background could definitely be the recipe for a successful and informative blog. A blog to help a myriad of people, not just locally, but globally, with fitness and nutrition advice! This was my goal, was it not?

I took the night to ponder and pray on it. The ease in the way the opportunity presented itself seemed almost super-natural to me. A sign from God. How do you say no to that?

The answer is- you don’t. 

I felt compelled to do what God was calling me to do and He would help me to overcome the insecurities I have battled since childhood.

And he has. 

Along with my loving husband who thinks I am the most beautiful woman, with the most amazing body. When I hesitate to post a photo or a video because I look to “squishy,” or short, or muscular, he is my biggest admirer reassuring me of how great I look.

I can confidently say, today, that I feel surer of myself than ever. 

Do I have days where I’m being extra judgey of myself or let those comments I was once sensitive about resurface from where I have learned to bury them... absolutely. But it’s a work in progress. Everyday is.

At the end of the day, I’m glad I was able to overcome it and have the courage to start my blog because through it, I have already received messages and comments from followers thanking me for my nutrition and fitness advice. They have thanked me for motivating and encouraging them. That was my goal all along.

This was my courage to become a blogger.

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You can feel Jena's fear and feel her walking through it, right? I think that's the most special part of this piece. She really let us see behind the curtain - and not everyone is brave enough or ready to do that. So -- thank you, Jena!!! 

To keep up with Jena - make sure to follow her on her blog page - Jena's Gym and Juice. 

And if you're in the RGV -stop by Shake Express or her gym, Strong Point! 

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Join the sisterhood!!! Grab your copy now!! 

Grab a copy of The Courage to Become and find instant support and sisterhood. 

The Courage to Become | Ginger King Birnbaum

This is going to sound ridiculously oversimplified, but I just want to make things better.  There is a childlike wonder in that-it comes off in an idyllic sense.  But there really is no other way to put it.  I have, and have always had, an inner drive to make things better.

I have always been drawn to the greater good.  In fact, the thing that scares me the most is that I would leave this Earth without making a difference.  Some people have a bucket list full of grand adventures, but mine is mostly full of making a difference and leading others to do the same.

When my second child, King, was born we found out that he would be living with cystic fibrosis, a chronic progressive disease that can lead to respiratory failure.  You can only imagine that for a person who just wants to make things better it was deeply devastating, at first.

Even with my first child, Emma Virginia, who was born perfectly healthy, I had fallen into a deep postpartum depression.  Just in case you need a visual: me, a glider, a large box of graham crackers, and one very nervous husband + a (beautiful, precious, amazing;) crying baby.  My husband attempted to remove the box of graham crackers (perhaps to motivate me to leave the room!) and I cried, “please don’t take them-they’re all that I have.”  We laugh about it now, but it was clear that I needed some real help to overcome my depression!

Fast forward 3 years, and I was very worried that I would wind up in the same place.  It was like I had to stare myself down to move past the sadness of my child’s diagnosis.

I remember clearly finding a shift in my lens that clarified it all, and I do mean all.  None of us knows what the next minute or day or year holds. My biggest fear was that I was going to lose my child, and I just couldn’t see past that.  I came to realize that death is inevitable, after all.  None of us will escape it, none of us will capture it, and we certainly won’t be invited to design it. If we live in an absolute, obsessive cycle of trying to control everything then we won’t be present for all the parts that constitute a life. 

I will always be grateful that I was presented with the opportunity to understand that so early in life.  The lesson came with plenty of heartbreak, but it also forced me to live my life in color. I also think, I hope, that it made me a better mother to both of my children.

Now, I already told you that I thrive on making things better. 

Cystic Fibrosis is a disease that lives and breathes and changes at the knee of modern medicine. Drugs have been made available that change the disease at the cellular level!  Over 50% of people living with CF are over the age of 18.  That’s like out.of.this.world amazing!  As I learned more about the advances in research the gloves came off, and I went to work.  While I was fearful for my child, I also felt incredibly lucky that our family was being given this tremendous opportunity to plug into the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation community and make a difference.

Fundraising, advocating, event planning, hiking, walking, leading, sharing, crying, laughing, meeting, connecting…if you are picturing a roller coaster then you’ve read correctly!  That’s what our family does to make a long-term difference…for all people living with CF.

Pills, feeding tubes, medications, machines, calories, crying, laughing, planning, hospitalizations, surgeries, doctor visits, researching…our own personal roller coaster.  That’s what our family does to sustain King’s health.

For the longest time sustaining King’s health was the cycle that moved me day in and day out. It became my reality.  I knew that if I kept him well, and worked furiously toward a cure at the same time, a positive parallel might well emerge.  The fear and sadness that I experienced upon his diagnosis was becoming more of a distant memory.

What I was not prepared for was the threat of our access to affordable and adequate health care being terminated.  Our family benefits from the Affordable Care Act since we purchase our insurance on the exchange.  Through the ACA we pay a whopping $40,000 a year, unsubsidized.  A deal it is not, but to go without insurance as a whole would be financially devastating and would be a roadblock to sustaining King’s health.

The more that I learned about the ACA and the health care industry in general, the more I committed myself to ensuring that all Americans have access to affordable and adequate health care.  It is unconscionable to me that anyone would consider pulling at the very fabric of someone else’s life. 

There is no federal budget important enough to send families into bankruptcy for purchasing life-saving medications.  There is no federal budget important enough to cause a child to go without their parent because their family couldn’t afford chemotherapy.  There is no federal budget important enough to cause those with a disability to go without benefits.

And so I set out to tell anyone and everyone that would listen about the importance of health care.  Some lawmakers did not want to listen to me.  Some friends misunderstood me. 

Here’s the good news: Many friends understood me.  Many others spoke out.  Many lawmakers do listen. 

Humanity is too important, too precious to ignore.  As the mother of a child with a chronic illness it is my duty to shine a light on this issue.  I won’t be enough though, and I know that. 

Once again, faced with the potential darkness at the end of the road, I’ve learned a really important lesson.  The more I try to shine my light, the more I come to love and appreciate those around me.

I take comfort in knowing that I have traversed some scary valleys before and come out on the other side to a life lived in full color.  A smart woman taught me that lesson once.

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Guys, I know you want to know more...because I did!! So I asked Ginger a few extra questions. Here's what she had to say. 

What job did you have before advocacy?

So you know this isn't really a job for me, right?  Nothing I do gets me paid.  I'm 100% volunteer advocate, event planner, and fundraiser.  You could say that I am a professional volunteer:)  I think I will go back to work eventually, but the conundrum of child care + work has not made sense yet.

The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is not the only group I volunteer with.  After Emma Virginia was born, I knew that I wanted to spend my time giving back to my community and connecting with my community.  I had to give some of that "work" up once King was diagnosed and I knew I needed to focus mostly on CF.

Currently, I have leadership roles and do volunteer work with the Center for Mindful Living, Junior League of Chattanooga, Lookout Mountain School (PTA President this year because girrrrrl clearly I don't have enough going on:), and local and national roles with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

CFF roles-Other than Advocacy, I am the local Board President, Chair of Three Blind Wines (local fundraiser), Founder of Kenneth King's Believers National Family Team, National Family Team Program Co-Chair, Great Strides Leadership Council Chair, and I just Co-Chaired the National Volunteer Leadership Conference (which was AWEsome!).

I really started focusing a lot on Advocacy because I had no choice + I enjoy it.  For several years, I have joined a large group of CF Advocates for the CFF sponsored March on the Hill where we share our stories with Congress and Senate.  With the repeal of the ACA I knew that I needed to be more involved year-round.  Literally, if these bills go through I don't know what we will do for King.

What does a normal day look like?

A normal day in our house is anything but!  King requires hours of respiratory therapy which include 3 inhaled medications and a vest that shakes him to get the mucus to loosen in his lungs.  He also has to be hooked up to a feeding tube every night.  It has become our normal, but it certainly colors the way that we go about our day.  This year he and Emma Virginia are both at Lookout Mountain School in Kindergarten and third grade.  It has definitely changed the flow of schedule with them being out of the house for so many hours.  I have been spending a lot of time at the school since I am PTA President this year-it's been tons of fun!  Some people say that they will never do things like that, but I always knew that I would want to give of my time in that capacity.  It's so special to be a part of the school community.

And how did you get through PPD? 

By the grace of God, a supportive family, the right medication, meditation and yoga, and sometimes I'm not sure that it really is over.  I literally had to learn to breathe again after King was diagnosed.  That sounds crazy, but it is 100% true.  That is one of the main reasons that I agreed to join the Board at the Center for Mindful Living.  It saved me in a lot of ways.  Pausing sounds like it is such a simple thing to do, but it is not.  I think the whole world could benefit from pausing and breathing and just slowing down in general.  I go 90 miles a minute, but I also try hard to listen to my body and mind.

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Oh my gosh. Isn't Ginger a force?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can contribute to Cystic Fibrosis or learn more here and you can jump on the support train for Kenneth, Ginger's son here on Facebook. 

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Hi friend!

I'm Catia, a woman, wife, mama, sister, sister friend, you know -- I wear a million hats just like you.

One of my biggest whys is that I want people to feel good about ALL of who they are. Including you.

The threads running through all my work (I’m an author - The Courage to Become, I’m a motivational speaker - TEDx, Choose Joy or Die , I am a private coach ) are hope, joy and empowerment.

If I could choose ten words that best describe me I would say: honest, welcoming, giving, curious, loving, earnest, empathetic, spiritual, playful, and sassy. Let's add: adventurous. That's 11.

Nice to meet you!

Want to start feeling really good but not sure where to start? Jump on into our virtual classroom (complimentary of course!) and get a weekly guide on how to walk with confidence and joy! You are divine. You are magic. I look forward to serving you!

Confidence + Joy Weekly Guide

Sign Up Here